Friday, September 10, 2010

Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan!

OR... Watching DOOL And A High Colonic... What's The Difference?


Vivian and Carly are in the crypt tossing insults back and forth. Carly says even Vivian's husband loathes her and suggests she move Lawrence in there too, so she can come and visit him.

Kate and Stefano are in the rumpus room. Kate asks, "You think Sami shot EJ?"

"Yes," says Stefano. He hesitates, "Except... she had won. She had the CD. Why would she risk everything?" Kate flashes back to telling Sami EJ was going to take the kids and run. Stefano says the timing just doesn't make sense. Kate reminds him Sami has an alibi. "Alibis have nothing to do with innocence or guilt," says Stefano.

"But Sami doesn't have a motive," says Kate, "She's holding all the cards."

And that house of cards is about to come tumbling down. Will asks to talk to Sami alone for a minute. Rafe tells him to hang in there and leaves.

Sami thanks Will for not telling Rafe what they were talking about. Will threatens to go to Roman and Bo if Sami doesn't tell him the truth. Sami is backed into a corner. She comes clean, "I shot EJ."



Melanie and Maggie keep up their discussion about Maggie and Victor. Melanie says she blessed Maggie's vacation because she thought there was a purpose. But now she thinks Maggie is running away. Brady shows up.

Buzz vegetates as Arianna rambles, "I've been thinking..."

"Don't gloat just because your brain is still intact," says EJ.

"Your relationship with Sami was a perfect storm," says Arianna, "What you did was horrible, but you don't deserve this. I know you were trying to be a good father and a good man... and I'm asking you to fight. You can't give up. You must fight so you can see your children again."

Will says he was hoping Sami would prove him wrong. Sami says she's sorry Will saw her, but it seems that's where 'sorry' stops. Will gasps, "You're not sorry you shot him?"

Melanie leaves. Brady tells Maggie Vivian is holding a memorial for Isabella and he needs to be there for Victor's sake. He says he doesn't think Victor wants it, but it's happening anyway. He asks Maggie to attend with him. Maggie declines.

Carly accuses Vivian of hanging around with a husband who really doesn't love her. Vivian insists her loving relationship with Victor is just unconventional. "Why don't you just get in that sarcophagus yourself," snorts Carly. She leaves.

Vivian wonders why Carly is so concerned over Chloe, "They're thick as thieves and I will find out why."

Arianna says, "You and my brother are a lot alike. Neither one of you has a functioning brain right now. I think there is one hell of a guy in there in spite of what you have done."

Sami begs Will to hear her out. Will thinks she wants to talk him into covering for her. She plays her trump card and insists she was trying to protect Sydney and Johnny.

Arianna comes out into the waiting area and Rafe asks if EJ died. Arianna says he's the same. Rafe thinks she seems upset. She says she thinks a young guy with two kids getting shot is sad. Rafe scolds her for falling for the smooth talking criminal.

Stefano thinks Kate is arguing Sami's case, "My only son could die because of her." Kate says there is no way Stefano can know the shooter is Sami. Stefano agrees but thinks someone else could have done it for Sami, "...Perhaps William."

Sami tries to rationalize things... through a lot of tears, of course. She says Kate told her EJ was going to take the kids and run, "I couldn't let that happen."

Carly and Chloe struggle up to the river carrying a body in a bag. They swing it back and forth a couple times and toss it in the water. Vivian pops out of the fantasy. She's back at the Kiriakis mansion with Gus. She imagines Chloe and Carly together in a dark room after delivering the baby. Carly takes the kid and holds it up in the dim light, "Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan!"

Vivian pops out of that one, too, "Maybe if Carly were the one who is pregnant... Gus, my work is never done."

Gus tells her if she goes through with the plan to sarcophagize Maggie, she will have to do it on her own, "I can't be involved in this."

Maggie tells Brady she's leaving town. She gives him the name of another sponsor. Brady ain' happy. Maggie says she's made up her mind, though.

Arianna and Rafe argue about EJ. "He could die," shouts Arianna.

"So what," snorts Rafe, "He deserves it, doesn't he?"

"No," says Arianna, "No one deserves that. There is no justification for shooting him."

Will is stunned, "All that doesn't mean you had to try and kill him."

"That wasn't my plan," insists Sami, "And I couldn't tell Rafe I did it because I didn't know what he would do."

"He'd do what he does every other time there is a major crisis... jump into bed with you. You could've gone to a lawyer or Roman or Bo."

"Right," says Miss Sarcasm, "because they've done such a great job of stopping the DiMeras in the past. I wasn't thinking clearly. I just reacted."

"You think he would take your kids and run," asks Will.

"He already has," whines Sami, "I didn't go there to kill him. I swear."

EJ's machines beep as Sami says she went to the DiMera mansion to argue, negotiate and beg with him. We flash back as Sami describes what she did. And why, "All I knew looking at him lying there was I couldn't let it happen again. I picked up the gun and shot him. I wasn't thinking about it. I just did it. Then I was staring at his bleeding head. Or what was left of it. And all I could think of was getting out. I wound up at the pier and threw the gun in the river. And I knew what a horrible thing I had done, but I knew I had protected my kids. I went back to Rafe's and he was asleep and thought maybe I would get away with this... Maybe God was on my side this time."

"Sorry," booms God, "That would make me an accessory after the fact." He resists the urge to take the opportunity to lecture her about her multitude of other sins.

"Anybody can make a mistake. It takes real dedication to make as many as I have." -Sami Brady

Brady sits in the pub and pounds down drinks. Melanie finds him and they talk about Maggie's trip. Then Brady turns his wrath on Vivian, "My grandfather married Medusa, who is using my mom's body as a prop in one of her plays and Maggie is the one who is being pushed out of town. I've got something to do." He leaves.

Maggie is on the phone talking to Melissa. She rambles on and and tries to talk herself out of drinking, "I have to think through this thing about Victor and I have to go somewhere else to do it."

Vivian says she doesn't have time to talk Gus out of his hissy fit. She gives him more remotes for the electronics involved in the sarco-caper. Gus refuses to be involved. Vivian tries to sell him on the idea, "When it's over, just think of us in the spa in Baja."

"You can't buy me off with a high colonic," says Gus. Personally, I didn't think it was possible to buy anyone off that way. In fact, I think I'll move on before going into the many similarities between that and watching DOOL.

Vivian gets nasty, "Then get your Joan Collins scrapbook and get out of here!"

Kate says she knows Stefano is grief stricken but he has gone too far in accusing Will, "If you cast suspicion in his direction, we are at war!"

Will asks if Kate might not suspect Sami. "I think she does," says Sami, "but she won't say anything because she knows Stefano will kill her if he finds out she betrayed him."

Will is confused, "Stefano loves her."

Sami sets him straight, "He is not who you think he is. He may love her but there are strings attached. You do not cross Stefano DiMera. If he finds out what she did, she is roadkill."

"Does that mean they would serve her at the pub?"

"Once again," says Sami, "You are the kid with too much responsibility on his shoulders for what I have done." Translation: "Once again, you are the only adult in the room."

Arianna comes back into EJ's room and promises him she will find who did this to him.

Stefano says Kate is overreacting and threatens to send her up the river. "I won't be taking that trip alone," snorts Kate.

Stefano softens and suggests rewinding, "The last five minutes didn't happen."

"That happens a lot on this show," says Kate, "And they should never happen again." Kate backs off, too. Stefano says if Will tried to kill EJ they have issues.

"Blended families have obstacles," says Kate, "However, they usually don't involve attempted murder and baby snatching."

Stefano thinks they should be careful about what they say, "Besides, maybe who shot Elvis will be someone we will enjoy annihilating, like Nicole. I will find out who did this and no matter who it is, oh God, are they gonna pay."

Sami hugs Will, but he says she can't fix things with that.

Ron White sticks his head in the door, "That's right, son. You can't fix stupid."

Sami whimpers, "I just wanted you to know I love you. Always. No matter what you do."

"I don't know what to do," says Will, "I don't want to hurt you. But this isn't right." He leaves as Rafe comes in.

"Looks like Will is still upset," says Rafe.

"You don't know the half of it," says Sami.

"Half," repeats Rafe, "I don't understand that. I'm great at advanced algebra but don't know fractions yet." He tells her it will all work out and jumps in for a hug, since there is no bed available.

Vivian is at the crypt talking to a potential henchman on the phone. She says she thinks they'll get along splendidly and arranges to bring him on board. She hangs up, "Maggie, how you are going to wish you went when the going was good."

Brady shows up, "What are you doing?" Vivian tells him he's early for the ceremony. He wants to know why she looks like she's about to to jump out of her skin.

Carly is at the hospital on the phone with Chloe talking about Vivian, "She knows she has to leave us alone or face the consequences. Just rest and stop worrying." Chloe agrees to do that but says it won't be easy.

Daniel overhears the conversation. He walks up to Carly, "Why would Chloe have to be worried about Vivian?"

Vivian wants Brady to go. "What is this," asks Brady, "Is it like a wedding and I can't see the casket before the ceremony?" He looks into the sarcophagus, "Why is this open?" He inspects more closely, "What is this? A TV monitor? What are you doing, Vivian?"

"I want Isabella to be able to watch DOOL throughout eternity," says Vivian, "And if you're dead when you're watching, it's even better than a high colonic."

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze

Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE


12 Comments:

Anonymous Bergenstein said...

Today is so chock full of snarky goodness, I don't know where to bein. OR... Watching DOOL And A High Colonic... What's The Difference? Best title - EVER!

"I shot EJ." Or basically I shot JR. Seriously, writers' brains are on strike yet again.

Best photo EVER - Crack FBI Agent vs. Clueless Kid. Your money should always be on whatever is Clueless when it comes to DOOL.

Melanie says she blessed Maggie's vacation because she thought there was a purpose. But now she thinks Maggie is running away. Can someone to tell Melanie to butt out of everyone's business? It's getting annoying. Okay maybe "getting" is too much of a stretch here.

rambles, "I've been thinking..." Being related to Rafe makes this truly a miracle.

"What you did was horrible, but you don't deserve this. I know you were trying to be a good father and a good man... and I'm asking you to fight. You can't give up. You must fight so you can see your children again." Not to mention Sami hiding the fact he had a baby until she dies - no that didn't do anything to push him over the edge at all. Starting to like Arianna which is saying a lot seeing as ...ooops almost spoiled it....

"You're not sorry you shot him?" Sami flipflops more than flip flops. What? yeah I can write same level as DOOL writers.

"Why don't you just get in that sarcophagus yourself," Hello Capt Obvious. Sigh, this writing is really getting worse by the episode.

You and my brother are a lot alike. I take back everything I said nice about Arianna unless she is referring to brain damage.

insists she was trying to protect Sydney and Johnny. Yes, cold blooded murder always the answer.

Rafe scolds her for falling for the smooth talking criminal. Is it me, or is anyone else conjuring up Michael Jackson here?

She imagines Chloe and Carly together in a dark room after delivering the baby. Carly takes the kid and holds it up in the dim light, "Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan!" Ok I may have to take back my snarky writers comments from earlier, this is sheer brilliance!!! Hilarious! Possibly the only talanted writer on the show writes Vivan's and Victor's lines?

"No," says Arianna, "No one deserves that. There is no justification for shooting him." Finally, someone got it right.

Maybe God was on my side this time. God is weeping at this very moment.

"Then get your Joan Collins scrapbook and get out of here!" Again, bravo and kudos abound.

He tells her it will all work out and jumps in for a hug and I jump in for my vomit bag. Rafenstein makin' me wish for the days of RoboJohn aka NuJohn.

Terrible episode, a few oddly out of place extremely funny lines, and totally awesome snarky Prevuze. Great Friday!

5:30 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

"But Sami doesn't have a motive," says Kate, "She's holding all the cards."

…including the Joker – Rafe. Sorry Bulldog. The devil made me type it.

"I've been thinking..."

"Don't gloat just because your brain is still intact," says EJ.

Snarky, snarky Prevuze!!

"Why don't you just get in that sarcophagus yourself," snorts Carly.

Clumsy foreshadowing – a DOOL specialty.

Rafe scolds her for falling for the smooth talking criminal.

Look who’s talking. Sami might not be smooth, but she’s certainly been guilty of her fair share of criminal acts. Attempted murder ain't nothin' to sneeze at.

Gus tells her if she goes through with the plan to sarcophagize Maggie, she will have to do it on her own, "I can't be involved in this."

Who da thunk it? Vivian has a henchman with scruples.

"And I couldn't tell Rafe I did it because I didn't know what he would do."

"He'd do what he does every other time there is a major crisis... jump into bed with you.”

Truth, justice, and the Prevuze way! Yep, a good roll in the hay cures everything.

"Right," says Miss Sarcasm, "because they've done such a great job of stopping the DiMeras in the past.”

Careful Sami. That’s your father and uncle you’re disparaging. It appears that somehow Will managed to fall miles away from the tree. He’s showing a heck of a lot more common sense then either one of his parents.

Arianna comes back into EJ's room and promises him she will find who did this to him.

Speaking of road kill – it amazes me that an ex-con character with no criminal justice background will be able to track down the shooter, and, using every resource available to them, the SPD will still come up empty. For all her efforts, Arianna will end up wearing tire marks, but Roman and Bo will continue bumbling around barely able to write a parking ticket. Geez.

Stefano says Kate is overreacting

...and overacting.

"I want her to be able to watch DOOL throughout eternity," says Vivian, "And if you're dead when you're watching, it's even better than a high colonic."

Amen to that, and TGIF/TGFP!!!!!!!!

5:31 AM  
Anonymous Berg said...

Leslie - …including the Joker – Rafe. Sorry Bulldog. The devil made me type it. Hilarious!

5:42 AM  
Anonymous WingNut '75 said...

Susan posted a comment late yesterday, but to do it justice, I had to copy it over to today's post...

I see this storyline having EJ survive quite well - but OHMYGOSH - have memory loss! He'll remember everything up until the middle of the wedding, then nothing. Sami will feel so guilty (and the doctors will tell her how fragile EJ is - that she has to pretend) that she'll say she married him.

Then she'll fall in love with him again (not like she ever fell out of love, she's just mad right now. I think she realizes they have both equally done wrong).


I think she's got that much right, but she forgot the ultimate ending, since KC already told us that EJami's can kiss is you know what. After Sami starts to fall in love with EJ, it will come out that EJ has been faking his amnesia all along to get Sami to feel sorry for him and fall in love with him. Sami will again run crying into the Snoozester's arms and they'll live boringly (and bonkingly) ever after.

7:21 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Gus tells her if she goes through with the plan to sarcophagize Maggie, she will have to do it on her own, "I can't be involved in this."

Who da thunk it? Vivian has a henchman with scruples.


Who knew? Scruples and 'nads... same thing.

7:24 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

Who knew? Scruples and 'nads... same thing.

Excellent point Prevuze, but that's because, because, because, because, because - because of the wonderful things yuz does!

OK you can stop now. Throwing tomatoes at your computer screen is something Sami would do only after Steponme gave her your IP address or ZIP code.

7:53 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

This was sure a snoozer of an episode! But you made it readworthy, Prevuze. LOL over the Rafe/Will pic.

So now that Brady Brady's seen the tv why doesn't he 1. tell Victor and 2. just have the sarcophagus hauled away? Instead everyone will just dance around it making threats to each other.

Stefano softens and suggests rewinding, "The last five minutes didn't happen." "That happens a lot on this show," Heck, sometimes the last five years didn't happen. The writers skip over things that happen in past storylines often enough to give us whiplash.

Wingnut - I think what Susan posted sounds about right. All they have to do is follow their going green policy of recycling scripts and haul out the ones from when Sami faked amnesia in order to get Austin to stay with her. You know, when he backed over her with the car - twice. HAHAHA I still laugh over that peculiar scene.

What Prevuze coulda done with that! Great recap today, thanks for getting us to FRIDAY. :D

8:01 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

All I can say is, great, fabulous, snarkilicious as usual. Previous posters have pointed out all the prevuisms that made me LOL. I'll just add another "Have a great weekend, folks!"

8:28 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

"Rafe scolds her for falling for the smooth talking criminal."

♫ari, are you ok? are you ok ari?♫

8:46 AM  
Anonymous KatieR said...

Oh Ari, the only smart character on the show and look at what will become of you....all to keep Sami from being in the jail cell next to her crazy-aunt Hope.

Can't we run over Rafe instead? Maybe Gabi too while we're at it. Heck, I'll volunteer for that job! DOOL, I will work as an unpaid psycho-villian if you use my storyline, keep Ari and let me run over Rafe instead. Gabi is negotiable at this point in time.

Then again this is Salem...I suppose you can't have someone smart running around "solving crimes". I'm surprised they haven't killed off Theo and Ciara to shut them up too.

8:56 AM  
Anonymous Susan said...

Bulldog - that was EXACTLY what I was thinking of when I thought they'd recycle the "oh-I-have-amnesia-you-still-love-me" plot. Even though I love the old Sami, it still makes me smile evily when I think of her being run over - TWICE!

Perhaps the powers that be will change the outcome of the storyline. How can they keep such chemistry apart?

9:56 AM  
Anonymous Betyar said...

Hilarious recap today Prevuze...I lol'd while reading the stuff about buying anyone off with a high colonic...then again I thought, this is a soap. Those celebs probably gift each other the best brand of colonic on the market, no wonder they're so thin!...so you might be wrong there Prevuze. In THEIR world they probaby DO buy each other off with top of the line colonics!

WingNut '75 said..."Sami will again run crying into the Snoozester's arms and they'll live boringly (and bonkingly) ever after."...Although I understand your distress about another possible Safe pairing(GAG!!!) I can't associate the 2 words, boring and boinking...but that might just be me...

"Will is confused, 'Stefano loves her.'"...Oh boy, does Will need a reality check! The way Stefano loves...I would rather have him as my enemy...at least I would anticipate his next move!

"Stefano softens and suggests rewinding, 'The last five minutes didn't happen.'"...I bet a lot of husbands would like to rewind the tape when their wives find them surfing the "girls gone wild" website on the net...

"Half," repeats Rafe, "I don't understand that. I'm great at advanced algebra but don't know fractions yet."...LMFHO!!!!!!!! Prevuze gets an A+ for snark today!

"Arianna says, 'You and my brother are a lot alike.'"...she finally figured that out??? I've known that for at least 2 years...

Have a great Friday everyone!

12:26 PM  

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