The Best Little Whorehouse In Salem

Johnny to Gabi: "We have to screw Jake before he screws us. And speaking of screwing, do you have any Valentine's day plans?" Smooth, Johnny, smooth. Much more personal than texting her a dick-pic. #DAYS

Johnny propositions Gabi. I'm surprised she turned him down. After all, the DiMera mansion is the best little whorehouse in Salem.

Tripp's a loser. He asked Allie to marry him in private instead of streaming it on Tic-Toc where the video would be more important than the engagement. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ciara: "If Johnny isn't the Devil, there where is he?" Ben: "In the details?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "Let's go back to my place." Chanel: "Hell no!" Johnny: "What's wrong with my place?" Chanel: "You live there." #DAYS

Get It In Bitcoin

Ben and Ciara hit the couch. Since she's pregnant does this count as a ménage à trois?

Ava: "There was no reason for me to frame Rave and I didn't. I'd swear on my son's life." Your son is a dead creep rapist, so how much is his life worth? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Trask: "Ava Vitali is very 'stand-by-your-man.'" Nicole: "Well, she found out I've been laying-by-her-man." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "I'm going to sue Johnny for every DiMera penny he's got." Tripp: "DiMera pennies aren't worth much. Get it in Bitcoin." #DAYS

Got My Virginity Back

Johnny flexes. Craig drools. They need to put a dancing pole in the middle of the town square. #DAYS

If Craig is so in love with his boyfriend why is he hanging around Salem instead of getting back to him? #DAYS

Ava to Rafe: "Everyone knows you're not a dirty cop." It's true. In Salem being an accomplice to attempted murder has been decriminalized. #DAYS

Rafe seems to be having an uncomfortable moment. #DAYS

NOTICE: For those of you who continue to rerun the scene of Johnny running around half naked, you're missing a decent episode. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "What can I do for you?" Nancy: "Craig has turned gay. How long would it take you to make him straight again?"

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "I cannot change a person's sexual orientation." Nancy: "Why not? The #DOOL writers seem to be able to do it. They changed Will, Sonny and Craig and they're trying to change Allie and Chanel." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "How is it going with Chloe." Brady: "Not well. It's been so long since I got laid I think I've officially got my virginity back." #DAYS

Frankenstein

TR insists he's no longer violent as he forces his way through Paulina's door. #DAYS

So Sarah read Rene's diary and somehow wound up thinking she was Rene? Good thing Kristen didn't leave a copy of Frankenstein laying around. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: "Steve and Kayla fire the flare guns and a flag pops out that says "BANG!" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kristen: "Sarah's probably out building a boat out of banana leaves, or something just as asinine." Abby: "What's more asinine than this plot?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Anna: "You have to fight like a tiger to keep your daughter in your life." TR: "Just call me Joe Exotic." #DAYS

Promiscuity Won't Kill You

Sarah: "When were you married?" Steve: "We've been married a few times." Only on #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "You yourself have made a whole lot of mistakes." Kate: "Like what?" Chad: "Let's put it this way. At your age, you are proof that promiscuity won't kill you." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "EJ is an arrogant jerk who thinks he can do whatever he wants." Tony: "I thought that was your job." #DAYS

Snide Clyde can't hide – he lied, took EJ for a ride. EJ almost died – has too much pride to let it slide or take it in stride, over what Clyde tried.

A Really Nice Ass

The Olympics are over. Welcome back to #DOOL. The show that proves there is in fact something more boring than watching a curling stone slide across an ice rink. #DAYS

Kristen is concerned the cops are closing in. She should build a donut shop near the convent as a decoy. #DAYS

Chad flings his phone across the room. He either didn't like that text or, more likely, he just got his AT&T bill. #DAYS

EJ: "I don't need a phone card. I have no one to call." And no one to invite to your pity party. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Belle: "Abigail has vanished without a trace." EJ: "And you're concerned?" Belle: "Yes. There is a remote chance they might find her and she'll come back." #DAYS

BULLETIN: Several NBC executives are showing suicidal tendencies upon discovering #DOOL comes back with higher ratings than the Olympics. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "You were engaged to the beautiful Sarah Horton, but now have settled for me – the town pariah who set out to destroy her sister's life." Xander: "True, but you have a really nice ass that makes up for all of that." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "I'm sure I'll be fine in prison." Belle: "That may be true, but only if you don't drop the soap in the shower." #DAYS

Not Wearing A Bra

Allie: "If Rafe's not guilty the cops will figure that out, right?" The Salem cops couldn't figure out the Wordle word of the day if they had the answer in advance. #DAYS

T.R. to Lani: "I'm Tyrell Raymond Coates. But you can call me Daddy." #DAYS

Nicole to Allie: "You can't go through Ava's things. You can't betray Tripp like that." Key words being "like that." She has other ways of betraying him. #DAYS

Allie is not wearing a bra. Just an observation. I'm guessing Chanel noticed, too. #DAYS

Schrödinger's Patch

Ben: "We're going to need all kinds of baby stuff like diapers." Ciara: "Our baby isn't going to need all that fancy stuff." Ciara will quickly find out that diapers fall more in the category of necessities, not fancy stuff. #DAYS

Mystery solved – Schrödinger's Patch comes out of the box alive! #DAYS

The special effects they are using to turn that cross upside down are just amazing. #DAYS

Allie to Tripp: "You're there for me all the time." Fortunately for you, he takes a break when you're banging Chanel. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jake: "I don't trust Johnny DiMera as far as I can throw a grand piano." Ben: "Screw Johnny." Jake: "That's what I'm afraid Gabi will do." #DAYS