Possessions

Julie: "If I pray for my husband he will get better." That is up to God and it doesn't always happen, but Julie is probably right. I'm sure over the years God has learned not to mess with Julie. #DAYS

When will Marlena learn… life is about family, friends and relationships… not about possessions? #rimshot #DAYS

Roman to EJ: "I don't mean for you to take this the wrong way, but did you ever think about how stupid you are?" How could EJ ever take that the wrong way? I'm sure Roman meant to tell EJ he's stupid in the nicest way possible. #DAYS

Loose Women

Ciara to Ben: "Shouldn't you have talked to me about having kids before you married me?" He was too busy trying to rescue you and get your memory back. #DAYS

Tripp gives Allie a grim look as he prepares to tell her about Doug. Practicing the Salem Hospital's "look of death" is a requirement of any doctor's internship. #DAYS

Julie (on phone with John): Marlena is in with Dough right now but we haven't heard anything from him." Only because it's tough to scream with a pillow stuffed in your face. #DAYS

John heads to the hospital so he can pray with Marlena. God used to be everywhere but he's so busy right now he has to confine himself to the Salem Hospital Chapel. #DAYS

Nicole: "Are you asking me on a date." Ej is a pragmatist. It's been a while since he had sex so he's fishing around in the "Loose Women" section of his little black book. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "OMG! Is that the Devil?" Johnny: "No. That's my Uncle Tony. He's not Satan, but he knows him well. He has died and gone to hell a couple of times." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jack: "Gwen was not a drug dealer. She was a prostitute." Abby: "Oh, well, that makes it all better." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ava: "Put me in charge of Gabi Chic." Phillip: "We'll have to rename it." Ava: "What do you have in mind?" Phillip: "How about 'Ava Sh*t?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: Didn't you say you're trying to put your feelings for Rafe behind you?" Nicole: "Yes…" EJ: "Then I think the best way to do that would be to bend over and put me behind you." #DAYS

Nicole says going on a date with EJ would drive Sami insane. I'm sure if they did what EJ has in mind it would drive Sami even more insane. #DAYS

Beelzebub

Lucifer does a darn good impression of Marlena. #DAYS

Satan: "Salem, you ain't seen nothin' yet." Believe me, Beelzebub, Salem has seen it all. #DAYS

Devilina: "I can not have that bumbling old man tell people I'm back." Which bumbling old man… Doug or John? #DAYS

Is That All He Planted?

All this stuff they're going through today is pretty mundane when there's a demonic possession going on across town. #DAYS

Brady: "I'm happy where I am… I love my job." I'd be happy with a job I rarely had to go to myself. #DAYS

Chloe: "Phillip took me to the river bank and we planted a tree." Brady: "Is that all he planted?" #DAYS

Vic to Chloe: "Kristen has set the bar for Brady so low even you can crawl over it." WELCOME BACK VICTOR! #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "Why does a guy like you need a million bucks?" EJ: "It helps support the DiMera Enterprises Formula 1 team." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "Your father wanted to know what my intentions were toward you." Gwen: "Did you say you would protect my virtue?" Xander: "How can I protect what you don't have?" #DAYS

Phillip's Fake Leg

And in an emergency it can be used as a deadly weapon or a baseball bat at Tyler's Little League games. Also it can be remotely controlled with the PhillipsFakeLeg app. #DAYS

 

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

According to Johnny, "25 years ago the Devil wanted to use someone pure and good to turn Salem to a hell on earth." Instead, he used Marlena. #DAYS

Chanel and Johnny sittin' knee to knee, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "Allie thinks all I care about is getting you into bed. That is just not true." Chanel: "So what do you care about then?" Johnnie: "Getting you on the couch, the floor, in the shower, and even the dining room table." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Julie: "How did Doug wind up on the floor?" Marlena: "Gravity had a lot to do with it." #DAYS

Roman Wants A Piece Of...

What Roman wants for dessert is a piece of something, but it's not cake.

 

Kate's Ass

When Marlena is possessed by DevilDoug I wonder if she could do an updated version of The Ballad of Davy Crockett for us?" #DAYS

In case you missed it, the title of today's episode is "I Love Lucifer." #DAYS

Roman has lowered himself to begging for it. And when you're contemplating a relationship with Kate, begging for it can also mean asking for it, "it" being trouble. #DAYS

DevilDoug:: "What I want, Marlena, is YOU!" At least Marlena is age-appropriate for Satan. #DAYS

Roman contemplates Kate's ass as she walks away. Therein lies his motivation to get back with her. #DAYS

Lost His Guy Card

Marlena: "I don't think Roman would mind… we're all good friends now." Rest assured, Roman would mind. #DAYS

Maybe EJ doesn't want Johnny to do a movie about Sami's life since it would include the story of the first time he had sex with her. Not EJ's finest hour. #DAYS

Johnny: "How would you feel about including John and Marlena's affair in the movie?" Roman: "No problem… ancient history." Roman just lost his Guy Card. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kayla: "It's normal for an aging person to have a little brain shrinkage." Julie: "Any chance that's also true for an aging person's hips?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "Our affair tore your family apart." Marlena: "So you regret it?" John: "Of course not. I think we should find that conference table and have it bronzed." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "Would you invest in my movie?" Roman: "How much?" Johnny: "That's up to you." Roman: "Well, I don't want to brag about my finances, but I could chip in as much as $50.

A Box Of Muffins

Paulina: "I have an errand to run." Abe: "Can I drop you off somewhere?" Translation: "Where are you going?" #DAYS

Paulina: "If you hire Marlena as a therapist, her fee will be more than a box of muffins." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Paulina: "Abe is not Lani's father. I am Lani's mother. You're shocked aren't you?" Marlena: "Nothing shocks anyone in Salem anymore. It's so bad Statesville had to stop using the electric chair." #DAYS

John-and-Marlena Style

Brady to Phillip: "I have a very important project to get to… Chloe is waiting for me." Twist that knife, Brady. Twist it. #DAYS

Harrison: "This card says you are a millionaire. Put it where it's safe." Bonnie sticks it in her bra. The way Bonnie gets around it may not be safe there. #DAYS

Bonnie shoots. Now he's Harrison Floored. #DAYS

For a minute there I thought Justin and Bonnie were going to throw it down John-and-Marlena style right there on the conference table. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "When Chloe comes to her senses she'll dump you." Phillip: "What a relief. Now I know she'll never dump me." #DAYS

A Lumberjack From Key West

Bonnie: "I'm marrying a dreamboat." Justin: "I'm marrying the Titanic." #DAYS

On that last tweet I was going to say "I'm marrying the Andrea Dorea, but the young'ns wouldn't get it." #DAYS

Belle to Phillip: "You're kind of an idiot." She just threw "kind of" into that sentence to be diplomatic. #DAYS

There have been more people shot to death in the Kiriakis mansion than during a downtown Chicago gang war. #DAYS

Rafe to Ava: "Julie would be crazy not to hire you." I guess her help-wanted ad reads, "Previous restaurant and Mafioso experience required." #DAYS

The Prevuze unabashed dictionary defines a Key Logger as a lumberjack from Key West. #DAYS

Rafe says he believes Bonnie then starts badgering her. Due to #DOOL budget constraints Rafe will be playing both the roles of good cop and bad cop. #DAYS

A Pox On The DOOL Writers

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "You told your father EVERYTHING?" Gwen: "Well, I certainly didn't tell him you plowed me like an Iowa cornfield." #DAYS

Calista: "I'm already on my own private island." Sorry, Calista, any more, a million bucks doesn't buy a private island these days. #DAYS

The minister is as confused about the Justin-Bonnie nuptials as I am. #DAYS

A pox on the #DOOL writers for having Doug go all Alzheimer's on us. #DAYS

With their respective accents I feel very cosmopolitan watching Xander and Gwen. #DAYS

Now that Calista is dead I guess Bonnie "inherits" the million dollars. #DAYS

A Magic Carpet Ride of Bliss

Bonnie doesn't show up for the wedding. Justin, if you've ever received a sign from God, this is it. Take advantage of it. #DAYS

Ciara lobbies for a kid, "In reality we've been married for a long time." Oh, yeah, it's just been a magic carpet ride of bliss. #DAYS

Calista: "Let's head upstairs right now." I may be reading things wrong but I think Calista is sending Patch signals. #DAYS

Ben says he doesn't want to have a baby right now. Looks like he might be ready for a practice session, though. #DAYS

Six Boobs

Maybe seeing a little of Carrie and Austin would be something fresh to kill the boredom on this show. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "We know what it's like to work our tails off." Jake: "Don't you dare work your tail off. I like it just the way it is." #DAYS

Gwen contemplates heading back to the Xander buffet. Xander likewise. #DAYS

Seeing Bonnie and Justin together works better on me than Ipecac. #DAYS

Bonnie and Calista… I count six boobs in that bedroom. #DAYS

We Can Rule Out T

Pauline: "If anything can happen it does in Salem." Pauline hasn't been in town that long, but she obviously is a quick learner. #DAYS

EJ: "Are you telling me Allie is gay?" I think what he's saying is on the LGBTQ scale, she's maybe less L or G and more B or Q. I'm pretty sure we can rule out T. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "Do you mind if I read?" Chloe: "What do you want to read?" Brady: The label on the inside of your bra." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Phillip busts in on Chloe and Brady in bed. Chloe: "What are you doing here?" Phillip: "That's exactly what I was going to ask you… except I've got a pretty good guess as to what it was." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "When you saw us embrace, I was saying goodbye to Nicole." Ava: "It looked more like you were saying hello to Misty Circle." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chanel: "I've had boyfriends for as long as I can remember." Pauline: "I know.