Breaks the Speed of Light

Lucas to Tom and Alice: "I know what you're thinking, "How could our grandson do something so irresponsible..." They knew it from the beginning. "Lucas" is latin for "looney." #DAYS

Sami: "EJ and I are over. What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?" Lucas has a few ideas about that. #DAYS

Gabi precedes her relationship advice to Sami with, "I'm probably the last person who should be giving relationship advice." #DAYS

Sami dumps EJ, breaks the speed of light running back to Lucas. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "I'm sorry for what happened." Ben: "You do not have to apologize. You have done so much for me – back when I was just as evil as you and I wasn't even possessed." #DAYS

Slobber-Slobber-Pant-Pant

Nicole should slap Eric's ass back to Africa. #DAYS

Lucas, you might as well tell the come clean. When it comes to deception you're no match for Sami. #DAYS

Lucas to Sami: "Now that you have proof of what EJ did, are you ready to give up on him… slobber-slobber-pant-pant." #DAYS

Gwen: "How do I get Xander off the Sarah-track?" Keep your mind open for ideas and your legs open for other things. #DAYS

Eric: "Are you seeing anyone?" When it comes to men, Nicole sees them all. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "Why are you so down on Maggie?" Gwen: "I want to make sure you don't want her to be your mother-in-law." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Nicole: "Your boss – God – would say there is good in everyone." Eric: "My boss hasn't met you." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: So you are saying you want to be the face of DiMera Enterprises?" Chad: "Yes." EJ: "Where does that leave me?" Chad: "You can be the ass of DiMera Enterprises." #DAYS
Next on #DOOL — Brady: "Kristen would never hurt me… as long as I use our 'safe word.'" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Shin: "EJ is innocent until proven guilty." Gabi: "Whoever came up with a crazy idea like that?" #DAYS

Ava wants to invite Nicole over to the little NYE party she's having with Rafe. She should also invite Duke. #DAYS

They don't know if Phillip is dead or alive, but they have located him inside Schrodinger's cat box. #DAYS

A Recycled Priest

Eric shows up at John's Door. With Marlena possessed by the Devil all I can say is thank God a recycled priest has arrived. #DAYS

John: "The Devil doesn't fight fair." I don't know why that would be John, but… just a wild guess… maybe that's because he's THE DEVIL. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Marlena's head truns aroun 360°, she projectile vomits green bile, and levitates off the bed. C'mon, let's make this real. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Eric: "When I took the priest's collar off years ago it never really changed who I was. It did get me laid, through." #DAYS

Kissin' Cousins

Lucas to Sami: "Would we be able to see a difference if you were possessed by the Devil?" It would be difficult but you might be able to detect a little improvement. #DAYS

Sami walks in on the exorcism and freakifies – Sami: Level-headed and composed as always. #DAYS

Marlena is possessed by the Devil. Distraught Sami makes it all about… Sami. #DAYS

After watching #DOOL I keep scouring my Bible for references to "The Man Upstairs" or "The Big Dude In The Sky." I must have the wrong Bible. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Nicole: "Did you have Sami kidnapped?" EJ: "Which time?" #DAYS

Chanel: "Johnny and I are married. That makes us sisters-in-law." Allie: "I'd rather be kissin' cousins." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Nicole: "We've gone out six times and had sex once." EJ: "So what?" Nicole: "So that gives you a batting average of .167. If you don't improve you could be sent to the minors. #DAYS

Out Of The Sweatshops

Patch: "Tomorrow is a big day for the Big Dude up there." It would take the fires of every star in the universe to light that cake. Come to think of it, maybe that's what stars are for. #DAYS

So I finally watched "A Very Salem Christmas" last night. Now I'm really confused about who is dating who. #DAYS

Ahhh… the Horton Christmas Tree — where all the bulbs are dim. #DAYS

John holds up the St. Benedict medal and Mar/Devil flies across the room and slams into the wall. AHA! So John is abusing Marlena after all. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Julie: "Stronger together! We're all stronger together!" Mar/Devil: "Only because none of you showered together." #DAYS

Gabriel gives John a St. Benedict Medal. John: "Will this protect me?" Gabriel: "Yes, but more importantly it makes you look really hip." #DAYS

Jack and Jen come in WITH THE KIDS! I guess they pulled them out of the sweatshops for this episode. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Shawn: "I would never betray my spouse." Belle: "I guess after my fling with Phillip I'd have to say… that makes one of us." #DAYS

Bad Ass Women

Jan/Belle opens the door looking sexy and giving Shawn a come-on smile. Shawn looks at her as if he doesn't know what to do. Well, after all, it is Shawn. #DAYS

Marlena looks on as Jan/Belle and Shawn get busy. I guess if you're Satan being a perv is par for the course.

Next on #DOOL — Jan/Belle: "Why are you reluctant to make love?" Shawn: "I'm just uncertain… questioning." Jan/Belle: "I think this is one of those situations where you should shoot first… so to speak… and ask questions later." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ciara: "I come from a long line of bad ass strong women." Ben: "There is nothing bad about your ass." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ben hangs his bulb right over Ciara's. Ciara: "That's odd… I'm usually the one on top." #DAYS

Naughty Girls Are My Favorite

So Salem Hospital increased security after the doc was caught dealing drugs. Horse-Escapes→→→Close-Barn-Door. #DAYS

Chanel: "I've been a brat all my life." Johnny + Chanel = Brat² #DAYS

Shawn says he won't betray Phillip's confidence. Phillip says he won't betray Shawn's confidence. Shawn and Phillip… a couple of con-fidence men. #DAYS

I may have to stop in the middle of the show. I just got a text from some rando in a sleazy hotel and I have to rush right over. #DAYS

Be careful, Shawn. Jan is such a tramp she could have contracted an STD just lying in bed. #DAYS

Shawn: "This could be a trap." Just like your brain, Sherlock. Only that's a lint trap. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jan: "While I'm out of the coma and under your control, can I… you know… sin?" Satan: "You may." Jan: "Can I break all of the commandments, especially the one about adultery?" Satan: "Yes… definitely adultery. I'm like all the guys in town – naughty girls are my favorite." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "It's Christmas Eve and I want to spend it with my wife." EJ: "Wrapping presents?" Johnny: "Unwrapping… her." #DAYS

Miss Great-Grandmother USA

Next on #DOOL — Kate wins the bed-hopping competition at the Miss Great-Grandmother USA contest. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Lani: "Do you mind watching the twins?" Eli: "I would LOVE that." Lani: "OK, they're in their bedroom." Eli: "Oh, you mean watch the babies. I thought you meant something else." Lani: "You're perverted." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sami: "I refuse to give up on my marriage vows." Belle: "Which marriage?" #DAYS

Go Big Or Go Home

Next on #DOOL — Kayla: "You've turned into Steve again." Patch: "I am Steve. Who else would I be?" Kayla: "The Devil." Patch: "Either that's not true or my past has finally gotten me promoted." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — "Once I decided on Phillip, I never strayed. I did all my straying before that." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kayla: "I didn't suspect anything until Satan, who looked like you, kissed me and then turned into Marlena." Patch: "So you were kissing me, Satan, and Marlena all at the same time?" Kayla: "Well, I always say go big or go home." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kayla: "The hospital has installed new security protocols." Patch: "What new protocols?" Kayla: "We require all criminals to register at the front desk." #DAYS

A Nice Ass

Rex: "There is no proof Brady did anything to Phillip." Kate: "There is proof enough for me." Yeah, proof enough for Kate and an incompetent DA to rush into charging Brady without enough evidence to make a case. #DAYS

Lani tells Trask there is they don't have probable cause to charge. Brady. True, but Trask is certain they have probable wild-ass-guess. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "The guy downstairs said I have a nice ass." Xander: "I think he's right but, just to make sure, I think I should inspect it." #DAYS

Gwen tries everything to get Xander to stay in the hotel room. He resists but she finally succeeds. And we all knew what it was going to take, didn't we? #DAYS

Gwen wants to go to London, stay for free at a friend's, and travel for free with her airline miles. Xander: "Well, that solves the limited-funds issue." Unless they want to eat. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Phillip is discovered at the special Olympics competing in the one-leg marathon. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rex: "After finding Phillip's prosthetic leg… well… it doesn't look good." Roman: "You're right. It's a pretty ugly prosthetic leg." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "I have to go down to the river to get my memory back." Chloe: "Why don't you just wait for the flashbacks?" #DAYS

Drowning A Prosthetic

Brady swears he is innocent on his kids' lives. As a test, Chloe should ask him to name the kids. If he can't, he fails. #DAYS

We're getting the "B" word thrown around a lot today. Apparently it hasn't yet been banned from the woke dictionary. #DAYS

To recap: Brady's prints are on the knife. Phillip's blood is on the knife. Phillip is missing and possibly dead. Victor blames Chloe. #DAYS

Kate goes in to identify Phillip. Rafe unveils his prosthetic leg. Kate: "It's him, but it's not all of him." #DAYS

Brady could be in serious trouble. I wonder what the sentence is for drowning a prosthetic. #DAYS

Belle: "$72 is a lot of chowdah for one person." Maybe that's the real reason Brady is in the hospital. #DAYS

Kate reams out Chloe and leaves. Chloe breaks down in tears. Rafe: "Are you OK?" Never assume Rafe has a firm grasp of the obvious. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Phillip's blood is on the knife. Brady's fingerprints are on the knife. The Salem Police Department concludes Brady handed Phillip the knife and he grabbed it by the sharp end. Case Closed. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "Do you have any idea what Satan wants with Ben and Ciara's baby?" Susan: "Tax deduction?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: "Brady bought six shots of whiskey that night." Belle: "Is that enough to get someone drunk?" #DAYS

Crawling Back

Q: Why is Nicole trying to juggle two men? A: Because a third one isn't available right now. #DAYS

Gabi: "Rafe is sweet but he's not stupid." She blew the line. In order to get the true meaning, switch "stupid" and "sweet." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe tosses Nicole onto the bed. Nicole: "It's too soft. Do you have a conference table we could use?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Luvas: "Why are you going to go crawling back to EJ?" Sami: "He likes it when I'm on my knees." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "Was that sex good enough to make you forget about Rafe?" Nicole: "Rafe who?" Nicole: "Did it make you forget Sami?" EJ: "Sami who?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "Shawn in treating this as a homicide." Brady: "Uh… habeus corpus?" Chloe: "In this case noneedus corpus." #DAYS

Her Booty Call

Abby: "How could Kristen have managed to escape for the third time?" Three words: Salem Police Department. #DAYS

When you look "awkward" up in the dictionary, you'll see that scene of Rafe leaving the DiMera mansion as Nicole arrives for her booty call. #DAYS

Kate to Paulina: "It's really none of my business." I'm amazed. She actually said that without choking. #DAYS

Paulina to Kate: "How would you know what it is like to be with an abusive man?" Apparently Paulina isn't aware that Kate's string of lovers includes every type imaginable. #DAYS

Loaded

EJ is loaded. Why doesn't he get his mother's teeth fixed? #DAYS

Rafe: "The van is waiting. It is now or never." Kristen: "How about never?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kristen: "How are you doing?" Lani: "The whole world has been turned upside down." Kristen: "Does that mean we're in Australia??" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kristen: "So your Aunt Paulina is really your mother and your father is who?" Lani: "With any luck, Jeff Bezos." #DAYS