Saturday, June 30, 2007

Deb's Map Of Salem

Presenting... Deb's fabulous map of Salem:

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Friday, June 29, 2007

Butt Paste

Belle stands in her little corner of oblivion as Shawn and Phillip discuss living arrangements. Shawn wants to move out, but Phillip wants to hear what Belle has to say. Belle comes over to their table carrying Claire. She babbles. So does Claire. Suddenly, Belle picks up on the fact that something is wrong. She can tell because the guys are pouty and brooding and if anyone knows pouty and brooding, it's Belle, "OK, guys... spill it."

Shawn tips his water glass over. Phillip looks up at Belle and says, "Shawn wants to move out of my place and into his parents' house."

Belle stomps and holds her breath. Claire pulls out her three-ring binder and takes notes on how to throw a real fit. "Absolutely not," says Belle.

Hope has heard Roman's confession about sleeping with Anna. She elbows right in front of Bo and asks Roman, "You... ahem... slept with Anna last night?" Bo suggests this isn't something she should ask about. "What," pries Hope, "I'm not prying. Am I prying?" Bo hands her a crowbar to help things along. Hope just thinks it's sooooo romantic that they can put their differences aside and get together after so many years.

"You're not gonna let this go, are you, Hope," asks Roman. He wasted his breath with that question. "Look," says Roman, "I don't want to stomp on your imagination but that's not exactly how it went down... OK, bad choice of words." Bo and Hope stifle their laughter. Roman turns 30 shades of read as Hope urges him on. Roman continues, "All right, I'll keep this short. One minute we're at each other's throats, the next minute... we're somewhere else." Hope just can't reel in the details fast enough. She asks how things were between them this morning. Roman tells her he doesn't know because he left the hotel before she woke up this morning.

Bo looks the word 'cad' up in the dictionary and sees Roman's picture. Hope is beyond disbelief. Roman explains he had some errands to run; he wanted to make sure the car got washed before it got too crowded. Hope explodes, "You couldn't face Anna so you decided to have the car washed? What is this, high school?" We'll assume that was a rhetorical question.

"She's got a point there, bro," says Bo, "This wasn't exactly your smoothest move." Roman knows that, but he says he doesn't need a lecture from his kid brother. Hope insists Roman owes Anna an explanation.

"There's only one thing wrong with that," says Roman, "I have no idea what the hell I'm gonna say to her."

Bo suggests, "You could start with 'Wham-Bam thank you ma'am.'"

Sami and Lucas slobber all over each other. Sami the tease is back with us today, "Lucas, we can't do this!"

EJ brings Stefano the great news that he is the father of Sami's baby. He interrupts Stefano's ecstasy to tell him Sami is having twins. Stefano asks how Sami took the news. EJ tells him he doesn't know, because Sami is locked away in a safe house. Stefano tells EJ he should have Roman followed because it is imperative that the twins be born as DiMeras and raised as DiMeras.

Belle asks, "Move in with your parents? Why am I hearing this from Phillip?"

"Because Phillip is a flaming jerk," says Shawn. He asks for a few minutes alone with Belle. Belle fakes to Shawn, and hands Claire off to Phillip. She sits down. Bicker, argue, argue, bicker. Shawn tells Belle if they are going to be a family, they can't have Phillip hanging around.

"You're absolutely right," says Belle.

The Roman inquisition continues. Hope tells him he's got to go back and see Anna. She sits down and lectures, "Take some advice from a woman's perspective. You never, EVER sleep with a woman and then get up and leave in the morning before she wakes up. USER YOUR HEAD!"

Bo is enjoying this, "Yeah, Roman, use your head."

"You're not helping," screams Roman, "You're not helping at all. It may not look that way now, but I am not an insensitive guy. I am well tuned in to the opposite sex."

"Yeah," says Bo, "You should have your own talk show."

"I hope you're getting a big kick out of this," says Roman. They are. Hope changes her tune. She asks what they can do to help. Roman says she can help him with what to say to Anna. Hope asks how he feels about her. Roman says he hasn't thought about her in a while. Roman claims he doesn't know.

Hope falls apart laughing, "You know! You just don't want to admit it!"

Sami says they can't continue because Dr. Jacobs says she has to be on a strict exercise regimen. Lucas thinks she should give her body a break. Sami tells him she skipped yesterday and she knows herself. If she doesn't keep it up she will gain 70 pounds. Lucas pulls out all the stops, "Maybe you need to gain a little weight." Even Sami doesn't buy that one. She hauls out her special pregnancy yoga DVD. Lucas yanks it from her and says he wants to look it over.

EJ says Sami will not let the kids be raised as DiMeras without something in return, "We need to end this war with the Bradys." Stefano reminds him he already made an offer. EJ, in turn, reminds Stefano Sami has already turned down his offer.

Tony interrupts, "Oh, for God's sake, EJ, be a man. Do you control the situation or does Samantha?"

Hope asks if Roman feels something for Anna, "Do you feel sparks." Roman says that's not quite it. Hope asks if he feels guilty about what happened last night. Roman says he does. Hope asks, "Where do you think this guilt is coming form?"

"OK," says Bo, "Stop with the Dr. Phil."

Hope ignores that, "Do you feel guilty because you gave into temptation and that's why you're trying to pull out of this?"

Bo jumps in, "If he felt anything for her he'd be over at the hotel." The discussion between Hope and Roman now turns into an argument between Bo and Hope.

Bo_FaceRoman breaks them up, "Both of you are right. Anna drives me crazy. You could anchor a boat with that ego of hers. But on the other hand... she drives me crazy... if you know what I mean. Hope smiles. Bo makes a face.

Belle agrees to moving out of Phillip's house, but not in with Bo and Hope. Shawn reminds her, "Our bank account is zero."

"I think we can double that in no time," says Belle. Shawn tells her Bo has agreed to loan them some money. Belle vetoes it. she takes his hand, "Shawn, we're a team."

"So were the 1962 Mets," says Shawn, "And they were about as good at baseball as you are at calculus."

Sami grabs for the DVD and tells Lucas she's not in the mood. He reminds her she was in the mood a few minutes ago and thinks her change of heart is because of EJ. World War III erupts. The guard knocks and asks if everything is OK. Lucas promises to keep it down. Sami says that's the problem, "There is no privacy."

Lucas gets the idea, they have to be celibate the whole time they are there, "That's torture." He moves in. Sami uses the opportunity to grab the DVD, "Torture? You ain't seen nothin' yet."

Tony tells Stefano lovesick EJ is willing to compromise generations of DiMera history for a woman. Isn't that what Santo did? Stefano tells Tony Sami is having twins. Tony tells EJ for once in his life to take charge, "Just don't stand around like some pitiful eunuch."

Stefano breaks them up, "I don't want my sons at each other's throats all the time."

Shawn and Belle vow to work things out and go back over the old "Claire thinks Phillip is her dad" thing again. "Claire is confused," says Shawn.

Belle smiles, "Like mother, like daughter."

"I think Claire needs to start waking up and seeing the same faces every day," says Shawn.

"I agree," says Belle, "Phillip's changes so much that will never happen at his place."

Hope thinks it's obvious Roman is interested in Anna. Roman doesn't want that getting around at the station. Hope says it's nothing to be ashamed of. "Look," says Roman, "I'm a single guy, I've been working my butt off, no time for a personal life, a beautiful woman comes to town... hard to say no."

Hope thinks there is more to it than that, "I think she makes you feel young again."

Bo reacts, "OUCH!"

Hope takes her foot out of her mouth and backpedals, "I meant she makes you feel special." Roman admits she did. The doorbell rings. There are a million people in Salem. Roman prays it's one of the 999,999 people who are not Anna. Hope answers the door. Roman's prayers are not answered.

Anna comes in and sees Roman, "Well, look who's here. And all this time I thought you were in the hotel restaurant buying me breakfast in bed."

Bo's sworn obligation to the 'guy-code' requires him to stick up for his brother, "Roman has a tendency to disappear every now and then. It's one of his shortcomings. I'd go through the whole list, but the show only lasts an hour."

Anna figures the story of their night has gotten around the Hobo house and hopes they have told Roman what a jackass he is. Roman apologizes and lies through his toothless mouth. He says something came up at work. Anna thinks he should have left a note or woke her up. Hope suggests they need some privacy. "NO," says Anna, "I'd rather humiliate him in front of a crowd."

Roman says, "You're not gonna let go of this, are you?"

"We could go back to my hotel room and start this day over," says Anna.

"What are you trying to say," asks Clueless.

"Follow me out of here and I'll show you." Roman does as he's told.

Alone at last, hope tells Bo he's going to have his hands full for the next six months. Bo asks, "What are you talking about?"

"OUR BET," says Hope, "You're on dirty diaper duty until Christmas." Bo makes that face again.

Shawn gets a call from Ohio. He goes off to talk. Phillip comes back to the table. Belle tells him she talked him out of moving in with Bo and Hope. She doesn't know where they will go, but if the phone call is about the job, she thinks they can afford a place of their own.

Sami does her yoga exercises. Body parts fall and flop. Lucas can't take it. He decides to read the Bible. Sami keeps it up. Lucas becomes a coach. He tells Sami she's doing it wrong, "The lady on the DVD looks more flexible than you."


"Now who's tortured," asks Lucas.

"I am," says Sami, "I'm alone with an idiot."

EJ insists the war with the Bradys has to stop. "It seems to me," says Tony, "You're in bed with the entire Brady clan, not just Samantha." Stefano has a spell and collapses. EJ runs out and comes back with Rolf.

Shawn comes back to the table and announces some company in Cleveland just called out of the blue and wants to interview him for a job. He figures they got his name through Max. The company wants him to interview tomorrow at its big Fourth of July picnic. Shawn decides to call the guy back and ask if Belle can come, too.

Bo wanders around the kitchen and remembers making the bet with Hope. She walks in and Bo tries to wiggle out of it. He insists Roman doesn't love Anna. Hope says she didn't say anything about love, "I said he was crazy about her. Don't forget the butt paste... I don't want Ciara to get a terrible rash."

Bo grabs her magazine and wads it up, "You think you're smarter than me don't you?"

"I think that crumpled wad of paper is smarter than you," says Hope, "I just think I'm more in tune with people's feelings. But you're a guy. You can't help it."

Bo makes that face again, "OK, smarty pants, what am I feeling now?"

The vamp moves in. She strokes his hair. She kisses him, "I guess I'd say... excited." More kisses, "To be changing lots of dirty diapers."

Sami yogas. Lucas coaches. He tells her she isn't doing it right. "Yeah," snorts Sami, "You try it!"

"Real men don't do yoga." She throws a bottle at him and hurts her shoulder. The predictable shoulder rub ensues. Other predictable things happen...

Rolf reports Stefano's condition is worsening. He needs the stem cells. As Rolf goes to wheel Stefano in, Tony and EJ argue about who's fault it is. EJ levels with Stefano. He tells him they need the stem cells and he wants him to make a deal with Sami. Stefano agrees, "Get Samantha." EJ tells him he made the right decision and leaves.

Tony asks what that was all about. Stefano says, "I'm afraid you were right about Elvis all along."

Hope thinks Bo is a sore loser. Bo thinks Hope is a cheater. Hope knows how to get Bo to fess up. She plays her trump card. Bo caves in. Bo is weaker than Roman in a hotel room with Anna. He caves in. They talk about the Fourth of July party and decide Shawn and Belle need a break.

Phillip thinks taking Belle to the corporate party would be a bad idea. He says they are having Shawn there to see how he interacts with people and Belle would be a distraction. Shawn decides he has to go and get ready for his big trip, "When I get back we can start moving out."

Generations of Hortons and Bradys will be together at tomorrow's Independence Day bash. Bo will get Greco to take a picture of it. "Greco," gasps Hope, "You mean the guy who takes pictures of corpses?"

"Crime scenes," corrects Bo. He goes to call Greco, but a crying baby interrupts. And Shawn isn't even there. Bo tries to wiggle out of diaper duty, but Hope tells him five minutes won't make any difference.

Bo heads up. Hope says, "And don't forget the..."

"I know," says Bo, "Butt paste."

A dead horse named Wegottamoveout lies on the floor. Shawn and Belle beat the poor thing. Belle's phone rings and she looks at the text message, "I know what this is. I have a play date with Katie and Claire. I hope they've selected a game I can understand this time." Belle leaves.

Phillip sneers, "Well you got your way." Shawn assures him it was a mutual decision and was nothing personal." Shawn walks off and Phillip grumbles, "Yeah, right."

EJ stands outside the room and listens as Tony and Stefano discuss his situation with Sami. Stefano thinks EJ is emotionally involved and that is clouding his judgment, He needs to learn a few lessons. How would you like to teach him his first one?" Tony would love that. Stefano says the DiMeras bow to no one and he will not beg for the stem cells, "We must connect with Samantha. I don't care how you do it, just make sure you bring her to me."

Tony says, "Done father." He leaves to do his duty. EJ stares.

Sami and Lucas romp. Sami pulls up short. She's concerned the cops outside can hear the slurping. Lucas gets an idea. He turns the DVD back on and cranks up the volume. The gymnastics continue. He flips Sami over onto the TV remote and bloody murder breaks loose on the TV. Scream, scream, scream. Hear the TV scream. The cops rush in, guns drawn. FF Sami and Lucas in total shock.


Bo says to Shawn, "I know panic when I hear it in somebody's voice. What's up with you?"

Phillip says, "You're not helping him, Bo." Bo sneers, "Neither are you."

Jett asks Nick, "Have you ever felt like the woman you are crazy about just doesn't feel the same way about you?"

Jerkemy grabs Stephanie, "Can I have that kiss now?" Patch pats him on the shoulder. Jerko asks, "Can't you see I'm busy?" Patch says, "I think it's time you and me had a little talk."

Tunnel Of Sludge

Well, we're just not going to be able to get the posting out on time Friday. The chain of events leading to this disaster is just unbelievable. We hate to bore you with the details, but being DOOL viewers, you're used to being bored.

The whole Prevuze team was strolling through a tunnel that connects two of the buildings on the Prevuze complex here on the outskirts of Salem. Suddenly, a river of concrete came toward us from both ends of the tunnel. Apparently the crew called to fill the DiMera tunnel, filled the Prevuze tunnel by mistake. As we slogged through the goo, it began to harden. We could tell we only had about a minute to get out of the mess before being buried like Jimmy Hoffa under Giant's Stadium. Several hours later the minute was almost up but fortunately we freed ourselves at the last second.

Now we face an immense cleanup. We thought we could expedite things and still get the posting out by soaking in the Prevuze Jacuzzi, but when we got out there, a group of tweeny-boppers had overrun the place. And not a single one of them had on a swimsuit. It's not what you think. They were all fully dressed. Tweeny-boppers ain't what they used to be.

Anyway, the cleanup is going to take hours. It looks like it may be noon (EDT) or later before we can get this crud off of us and get the posting out. We appreciate your patience and apologize for any inconvenience.

In the meantime, we can all indulge in some wishful thinking...

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Break Out The Cigars, Baby

Shawn, Bo and Hope toss Claire around like a Frisbee. Shawn tells them Belle is at the pub with Phillip as Hope breaks out a sack for Claire. She bought her a bikini to use this summer. Claire vows to go on a diet so she can fit into it. Bo takes Claire to see if Ciara is awake so she and Claire can catch up on old times. Hope senses something, "What's on your mind."

"The same as usual," says Shawn, "Nothing. But Claire thinks of Phillip as her dad."

Phillip asks Belle if Shawn is still sensitive about Claire running to him in Chicago. Belle admits there are times Claire still thinks of Phillip as her dad. "I never meant for that to happen," says Phillip, "I'll bet that after all that had happened to her, she was just happy to see a familiar face."

"Then why would she run to you," asks Belle. She thinks Phillip wouldn't be human if he didn't enjoy her reaction just a little. Phillip is just happy Claire is alive and back home. He hands Belle an envelope. Belle opens it and stares at Phillip. "Our final divorce papers," asks Belle.

"Free and clear," says Phillip, "Now you are free to make Shawn miserable instead of me."

Roman brings Sami and Lucas into their room at the safe house, "It may not be the towers, but you'll be safe here. We have cops everywhere."

"Salem cops," asks Sami, "I thought you said we'd be safe." She isn't exactly thrilled with the surroundings.

"Can I get you anything," asks Roman.

"Some disinfectant," says Sami. Roman tells Sami this is for her own good, hugs her and leaves.

Sami says she thinks they should have gone to Switzerland with Will, "Carrie and Austin would be glad to see us."

"I thought they moved to Switzerland to get away from us," says Lucas., "Besides, we have everything we need... Cable TV... Soapnet..."

Sami throws a fit because the hangars won't come out of the closet. She slaps them around. That'll show those dirty hangars. Lucas tires to be cheerful. He shows her all the great toiletries from the bathroom, "And, look, we have a bed. I could fix the boredom part right now."

"What," says Sami, "We're going to short-sheet ourselves?" Lucas has something else in mind. Sami says, "There are cops all around and probably security cameras. We'll end up on YouTube! And PS – I'm pregnant. Eeeeeuwww." She sends him to take a load of stuff back into the bathroom. When he comes back Sami asks what is the real reason they are there, "You want us here so we can get EJ out of our lives, don't you?"

EJ calls and leaves a message for Sami to get in touch with him. Bart walks in and announces Kate Roberts has arrived. He uses a fake English accent and EJ tells him to cut it out.

"I'm sorry," says Bart, "It just slips out sometimes."

"Well, slip it out permanently."

Kate comes in. EJ tells her he's been trying to find Sami, but has had no luck. Kate tells him that's because Sami is in a safe house. Roman arranged it. "Well," says EJ, "Where is this safe house?"

"If I knew that, it wouldn't be a safe house, would it?" Kate knows why he is so anxious to talk to Sami, "You want to know how the amnio came out and if you are the father of those twins."

EJ flips out, "TWINS?"

"That's right," says Kate, "And I wouldn't worry about it. The results are going to come out in your favor."

Marlena startles Nick. He gives her the results of the amnio since she asked if she could see them before anyone else. Marlena opens the envelope and reads. She turns and she and Nick stare at each other.

Belle can't believe she's divorced before she is thirty. She can't believe how much things have changed since last year when they were living across from each other, "We're divorced and Shawn and Mimi are divorced and Shawn and I are... sorry." Phillip says he's just happy to have Belle as a friend.

Hope tries to convince Shawn Claire knows he is her father. Shawn tells her about the big moment in Chicago. Shawn feels like he's losing both Claire and Belle.

Nick tells Marlena he is sorry the damnable test results aren't what she wanted. Marlena asks him to keep this quiet for a while and walks off. Nick says, "Good work, Nick. Are you proud of yourself?"

Lucas tells Sami they will make the best of things in the safe house. He wants to talk about the kids. They boy will go to Northwestern on a full scholarship and then be eligible for the NFL draft and play free safety for the Bears.

"If he wants to play pro football," says Sami, "We should consider a university that has a real football team." Sami insists their son is not going to play pro football, anyway. Sami talks about names. She likes "Tom" for the boy. Lucas loves it. Sami likes "Colleen" for the girl. Lucas ain't thrilled with that.

Kate really hopes the kids turn out to be EJ's. EJ is curious why mommie dearest doesn't want that for her son. "Because," says Kate, "I don't want him to end up with that tramp." Wrong choice of words... Kate forgot EJ is infatuated with "that tramp," too, "It will all turn out great. The kids will be your and Lucas will be free of Sami and we'll all be happy for all the Days Of Our Lives." EJ insists Stefano will also be happy when he finds out he's getting two heirs for the price of one.

EJ tells Kate it isn't just about what Stefano wants, but if the babies turn out to be his, this could end the feud. Kate gets a call. Nick tells her it's over and Marlena should be delivering the news to Lucas and Sami about now. Kate asks what the real results were. Nick says he didn't do the test. Kate thinks that's probably for the best. She hangs up, turns to EJ and says, "Break out the cigars, baby because you are the father." EJ beams.

Belle says she is happy to have Phillip as a friend, too, but she thinks their living arrangement has been a little tense. She thinks it's more Shawn's fault than Phillip's. Phillip asks if she and Shawn have talked about this. Belle says they have talked around it. Belle wants to ask Phillip something but doesn't want Shawn to find out. Phillip swears Shawn will never know. Belle stammers, "Well... I was wondering... if you could help Shawn find a job."

Hope tells Shawn to cut it out. She insists he is making a contribution to the family by spending time with his daughter. She tells him he and Belle can live at their house. Bo comes down and says he thinks that's a pretty good solution. Shawn says if it were just he and Claire he would do it, but he isn't so sure Belle will want to do it.

"Shawn doesn't strike me as the corporate type," says Phillip, "He strikes me more as the nursery school type." Phillip says he has connections so he will see what he can do, "And, I guess we'll just keep it our little secret."

Marlena arrives at Sami and Lucas' hovel. She brought donuts so they can eat themselves into oblivion when they see the test results. She tells them the results are in. She hands Sami the envelope. The blood drains from Sami's face as she opens it. Marlena says, "I'm sorry things weren't different."

Sami is a fountain of tears as she looks at the test results, "EJ's the father."

Bart announces Roman's arrival at the DiMera mansion sans accent. Roman comes in and sees Kate, "Well, you look awfully comfortable. But let's get down to it. Why did you call me here?" Kate tells him she and EJ need his help. Roman looks confused – more than usual.

Kate asks, "You haven't heard the news?"

"What news?" EJ drops the baby bomb. The twins are his. Roman nukes and wonders how Kate found this out before him. EJ says the twins will connect them for a long time so they should set aside their differences. He wants to see Sami. He knows she is sequestered an a safe house and he wants five minutes with her.

Roman grits his teeth, "That ain't gonna happen, EJ."

Sami falls apart. Lucas tries to comfort her. Sami and Marlena both say they prayed so hard for the babies to be Lucas'. Sami vows to find a way to get custody. Lucas tells her to calm down and reminds her of what Dr. Jacobs said about stress. He promises to be there, "I'll be their little league coach... I'll go to their school plays... I'll teach them to set off stink bombs and handle whoopee cushions like a pro." Sami bawls.

Roman grabs EJ and tells him he has no right to see Sami. Kate tries to break them up as they continue to argue. Roman says he will give Lucas a message and if they want to contact EJ they will work something out. EJ tells Roman he has a right to see Sami. Roman says the kids will be better off spending 30 years in a safe house rather than finding out what a loser their old man is. He storms out.

Bo says Shawn has to be straight with Phillip. He needs to tell Phillip he has to give Shawn and Belle some space.

"He's already giving us space," says Shawn, "We're living in it." Shawn decides he will lay all his cards out on the table.

Phillip tells Belle Titan finances an auto parts place in Cleveland. Shawn can work for that company. Belle doesn't want Shawn working in Cleveland, "That would be quite a commute." Phillip says Shawn could be based in Salem. He would have to travel some, but he'd be selling auto parts to garages. Titan is involved but the name doesn't show up. Phillip goes to make some calls and set things up. Belle thanks him.

Shawn walks in. He finds Belle and says, "Wait till you see what my mom bought Claire."

"She's a worse shopaholic than I am," says Belle.

"She would have to live at the mall for that to be true," says Shawn. he tells her about the cute little swimsuit Hope bought. Belle scoops up Claire and runs to the car to see it. Apparently it was too big of a load for Shawn to haul in by himself.

Phillip joins Shawn. Shawn tells Phillip he needs to back off and let them be a family by themselves right now. Phillip says he never thought of the living arrangements as permanent. Shawn says they can't stay there any more. "It's really complicated," says Shawn, "Kind of like a light switch. It's not working." Phillip thinks Shawn is still peeved about Claire running to him in Chicago, instead of to Shawn.

Roman arrives at Bo and Hope's house. He tells them Sami is having twins. Hope congratulates him, but then Roman tells them about the little complication – EJ is the daddy. Whoa, man, that does it. With news like that, Hope has to pull out all the stops. She goes to make coffee.

Bo asks Roman if there is something else. Roman says, "I think I'm in trouble – big time."

Lucas and Sami lie in bed, eat donuts and talk. Sami says, "I think we should move to Bora-Bora."

"I've never heard of it," says Lucas.

"It's another name for DOOLa-DOOLa," says Sami
. She wishes the babies were Lucas'. She's afraid she's going to lose him. Lucas chomps his donut.

Nick bumps into Marlena. She asks if he's OK. Nick says he has been better. He wonders how Sami and Lucas took the news. Marlena says they will adjust. He says he is sorry. "It's incredible," says Marlena, "how a little slip of paper can change lives so drastically." She leaves.

Nick stands alone and says, "Nick, you have to do the test for real this time."

Lucas vows he isn't going anywhere. He says Sami's stuck with him for the next 60 years. Sami cracks a smile. Lucas isn't going to let some paternity test break them up. He says he wouldn't change their situation if they had a hundred kids with their DNA. Sami says she doesn't deserve him. "I can't argue with that," says Lucas. This leads to a pillow fight, which leads to other things.

Kate doesn't think Sami will survive a week in the safe house. EJ thinks Lucas will manipulate her while they are in there. He has to get in. Kate wonders how he can do that if he can't find it. EJ says, "If Mohammad can't go to the mountain, we'll bring the mountain to Mohammad."

Roman says, "This is personal."

"Anna," asks Bo.

"Yeah," says Roman, "We had a big old fight."

"How did you leave things," asks Bo, "Did you kiss and make up."

"I guess you could say that," says Roman.

Bo says, "You didn't!"

Roman says, "I did. I slept with Anna."

Hope walks out of the kitchen just in time to hear the revelation. She grins from ear to ear. Ciara's diapers have Bo's name written all over them.

Shawn doesn't want to argue. He says he and Belle can crash at Bo and Hope's place. He wonders if Phillip could go to Europe and work for Titan for a while. Phillip thinks they should wait and hear what Belle has to say. In walks Belle. Pan to Phillip. Fade out.


Bo tells Anna, "Roman has a tendency to disappear every now and then. It's one of his shortcomings." Flash to Roman who may be hiding in the next room.

Shawn says, "When I get back we can start moving out. Pan to Phillip, who looks like the cat that ate the canary, and then to Belle.

Stefano says, "You must connect with Samantha. I don't care how you do it, just make sure you bring her to me." Tony says, "Done father." EJ listens.

SCREAM! The cops bust in with guns trained on Sami and Lucas.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Who Needs A Swimsuit?

Nick calls and leaves a message for Chelsea from the lab, "All hell is breaking loose."

Kate walks in with Mr. Lewis from the hospital board of directors, "We've been talking about you."

The brat asks Max when he's going to tell Jeremy he wants out.

Jeremy asks Stephanie if she has come up with any ideas how he can convince Max to stay in on the deal. Stephanie tells him she has been busy for the last few hours doing her job, "Use caution while opening the overhead bin, refrain from using the call button while the flight attendant is playing tonsil hockey with the pilot..."

Jeremy asks if Stephanie knows what Max likes. She says he likes fast cars and easy women. Jeremy wonders if Max likes blondes or brunettes and then decides to get him one of each. On the way out, Stephanie tells Jeremy, "Oh, by the way, he likes Lincoln Park. It's one of his favorite bands."

Jeremy follows her into the passenger area. He tells Stephanie to go get some glasses and then proposes a toast to the five of them, "To friends, partners and the summer of '07." The glasses touch the sky.

Bo tells Patch Stefano discovered Hope. He listens as Stefano badgers Hope and tries to wake the pile of human debris on the couch. Bo radios to Hope and says he's coming in. Patch stops him. He says he knows a better way. Stefano asks Hope to empty her pockets. She pulls out her cell phone and shows him that's all she has. He asks her again why she is there. He pokes her and threatens something very unpleasant if she doesn't come clean, "I'll bring back Kayla! "

Roman paces. Doug joins him outside. Roman says he's thinking of sending a squad car over to Stefano's. Doug thinks that would raise red flags. "You're right," says Roman, "Maybe I should send the National Guard." Doug says he thinks they should wait, and goes back inside. Roman chews his jaw.

Julie shows Ciara Doug's long hair in old pictures. Ciara fusses. They find a picture of Jeremy at about 7 years old. Doug thinks Jeremy has a good head on his shoulders.

That would be Stephanie's head. Jeremy says he's going to stay and conduct some business and Jett can take Stephanie and Chelsea back to the hotel. The trio leaves. Jeremy tells Max he thinks the flight attendant outfits are too conservative, "Maybe if we hiked the skirts a little..." Max tries to talk about their side deal. Jeremy stops him short and says he has to leave.

Stefano tries to intimidate Hope. He grabs her throat. Patch comes in to the room and yells, "Get your hands off my woman!" He apologizes to Hope, "I know you wanted to keep that under wraps." Patch guesses maybe Tony and the crowd on the couch had too many glasses of wine. Being a professional orderly, he checks them out and guarantees they will be fine. He turns to Stefano and says, "Now, my baby and me have some business."

"You and Hope," laughs Stefano, "You expect me to believe that?"

Patch signals for Stefano to keep it down, "Just don't breathe a word of this to Bo." Bo listens in on the conversation and wonders what Patch is up to. Stefano asks if this is true. Patch says this has been going on since he was in the nut house. He and Hope smooch like teenagers. Patch says, "One thing led to the next and before we knew it..."

Bo has a conniption and radios in, "Hope, talk to me. What is going on?" Face sucking is going on...

Mr. Lewis says Kate has been telling him about how much she appreciates what Nick has done for her daughter-in-law. Nick assures him it's nothing. Kate tells Mr. Lewis Nick is sooooo modest. She predicts Nick has a bright future. Mr. Lewis tells him to keep up the good work and leaves.

Once Lewis is gone, Kate turns into Cruella DeVille, "That's right, "Keep up the great work Mr. Fallon, because if you don't, the lights could go out on that bright future."

Stephanie, Chelsea and Jett have arrived at the hotel room. Stephanie wants to go down to the casino. The brat wants to hit the Jacuzzi. Stephanie asks Jett to borrow twenty dollars. He gives her the bill and she leaves. Jett and Chelsea go into the room, where they find a huge party in progress. Jett turns to Chelsea, "I think we would have been better off in the casino." He catches a garter as it flies his way.

Jeremy hands Max a note, "I have a contact here named Kevin Ramsden – he has set aside a few tickets to a Lincoln Park concert." Max is ecstatic. He wouldn't miss it. Jeremy also has back stage passes. Max is as excited as a schoolgirl, "I can't believe this! I am so..."


Jeremy turns around and sees his friend Kye Rollings. "You suck," says Jeremy.

Kye falls apart laughing, "GOTCHA!" Jeremy introduces him to Max. Kye is thrilled, "MAX BRADY – THE RACE DRIVER? Hey, I won a lot of money betting against you back in the day!" Jeremy gives Kye keys to the trunks and Kye hands Jeremy a wad-o-cash. Kye leaves. Jeremy gives Max his take and tells him to go out and have a good time. Jeremy leaves Max standing alone in the plane.

Max is stunned, "WOW!"

Jett tells Chelsea the motley crew in the hotel room is a bunch of pilots and flight attendants. Chelsea sees some guy passed out on the floor with Kleenex stuffed behind his glasses, "He flies planes? Great!" Jett assures her Mr. Kleenex is a flight attendant. She should have been able to tell by his tight sweater and mini skirt. Jett goes to check things out.

Mr. Sleaze gives out a big laugh after winning his poker hand and tells the girls at the table with him to remove their tops. Chelsea walks up to the table and introduces herself. She asks where to go so she can get some sleep. They tell her the beds and chairs are spoken for. "Newbies get the floor, Shelby," says one of the bimbos.

Patch and Hope maul each other. Bo whispers for them to get out of there. Stefano clears his throat. Patch excuses himself and says he forgot they had an audience. He says he got carried away. Stefano says to Hope, "Well, I never did understand what you saw in that cretinous Bo Brady." Patch and Hope start to leave. Stefano stops them and tells Hope wants to get together over dinner since they were once an important part of each other's lives. He kisses her hand and apologizes about the misunderstanding. Hope and Patch leave.

Once they are gone, Stefano goes over and pours water on Tony and tells him he is useless. He storms out. Tony stares.

Outside, Bo and Hope hug. "Hey man," taunts Patch, "She's a great kisser!" He says he has to go back inside, "See ya later Fancy Face!" Patch scoots before Bo can kill him. Hope stops Bo from chasing Patch and tells Bo he was amazing. She also tells him she got the information they were looking for.

Bo says, "Now we can close the book on Colleen Brady."

Patch runs around the room with a plate of food whistling, "Doo Dah." He switches the spiked wine and sits down at the table as Anna and Tony walk in. Anna accuses Tony of slipping her a Mickey. Patch holds up his bottle of wine and asks if that is what they were drinking. Tony inspects it, "Yes, I believe it is." Patch says it tastes fine to him.

Patch invites them to join him. Anna says she has to get back. Tony wants her to stay, "Seeing you again reminds me of the man I used to be and the man I want to be."

Anna is coy, "That is up to you." She kisses him and leaves.

Once they are alone, Patch gives Tony some advice, "Never say, 'The man I used to be.'"

Tony seethes, "OH SHUT UP!"

Kate tells Nick to make sure EJ's name is on the form as the father. If those aren't the results she threatens to tell Mr. Lewis about the hairbrush. She gives him a parting shot, "Don't even think about mentioning this to Chelsea or anyone else, or you will be sorry. Is that clear?"


"Have a good evening." Kate leaves. Nick stares.

Chelsea tells Jett she's out of there, "I just saw a guy throw up in that plant." Jett suggests they hang out together.

Hope swings the baby around and says, "I'm so happy to be back here with my little bug! You too, Ciara." Bo, Roman and Doug look at the letters. Julie offers to swing by the university and see Nancy Mangino to have them translated. Julie's Italian has gotten rusty since last week when she translated the first letter. Roman hopes they have enough there to figure out what is going on.

Anna staggers in. They help her to a seat. She begs Roman for a favor, "Take me to bed with you!"

Bo quickly asks for clarification as visions of four months worth of dirty diapers run through his head. Roman offers to run her back to the hotel. Hope thinks Anna shouldn't be alone. Roman says he has work to do. Anna is indignant, "You can't possibly think I meant I wanted to have sex with you!" Roman says they will talk about this later.

Anna gasps, "You think I still have the hots for you! I just had a night from hell with my ex, and don't want to jump in the sack with the other!" Roman storms out with her. As she hits the door, Anna turns to the crowd and says, "We must do this again sometime."

Roman has his own parting shot, "Are you guys having fun? I hope you are having a good time." Roman and Anna leave. The group falls apart laughing.

Chelsea walks through the room full of partiers wearing a towel. Everyone in the room prays the thing stays up. Mr. Kleenex grabs her ankle and Chelsea kicks herself free of his grasp.

Bimbo #1 says, "It looks like Shelby is gonna do the hot tub."

Bimbo #2 says, "She looks like jail bait to me."

She goes outside and tells Jett she feels like she's in Junior High all over again.

Aw, come on," says Jett, "We're not acting anywhere near that mature."

She gets in the tub. Jett says he's not down in the casino because he doesn't want that kind of temptation. Chelsea thinks Nick's lack of trust is annoying, "Nick kept freaking out that I was coming here. Why can't he just trust me, huh?"

Jett smiles, "I'd be worried too. I mean, the last time Vegas saw something as hot as you was during the Pleistocene Ice Age."

They splash each other, slap, tickle and fight. Stephanie and Jeremy join them.

Nick looks at the vile full of Sami's amnio fluid. He remembers Kate's warning not to tell anyone and says, "Sorry, Kate."

It's a hot time in the old tub tonight. A lonely, unanswered cell phone rings.

Stephanie and Jeremy make out. Jeremy looks over and tells Chelsea to smile more. She gets out and says she wants to get some sleep. She thinks the people in the party room are obnoxious, "They told me I could sleep in the bathtub." Jeremy leans over and whispers a little advice.

Chelsea interrupts the card game. Mr. Sleaze is ready for the tops to come off. Chelsea tells the girls at the table he is bluffing, "Whenever he bluffs, he pulls that chain around his neck and that's what he is doing right now." The bimbos call Mr. Sleaze's bluff. Sleazo gives Chelsea a dirty look, tosses his cards and leaves. The girls invite her to stay and play some real poker. She peeks out toward the hot tub and thanks Jeremy.

Bo gets an email from Chelsea, "At least that's one Brady we don't have to worry about. I'm glad there's one Brady that gives me peace of mind."

"With a mind like yours," says Hope, "One is about all you can handle." Hope wonders how Steve is doing at the DiMera mansion.

Tony thinks Steve has switched bottles and put on the act with Hope because he is in collusion with the Brady's.

Patch is fascinated by the word collusion, "Why do you think that – because I swapped spit with Hope, my lover? I didn't expect you to buy that story. Your daddy didn't."

"Of course not," says Stefano.

Patch claims he was scoring points with the Bradys. Hope now thinks he is on their side. Patch flops down on the couch and invites Stefano and Tony to have a seat if they want to know what the Bradys are up to.

Stephanie mocks her routine as a flight attendant as she pulls her hand through the water, "In the event of a water landing, use your seat cushions." She shows everyone her seat cushion. Jeremy pulls her over and uses her seat cushion as a flotation device. Chelsea comes out and gives them great news – there are cots they can use. A girl brings out her cell phone as it rings.

Chelsea answers and tries to talk over the noise. She tells Nick she is glad he called. Max interrupts, "Hey, everyone, I'd like you to meet the new Mrs. Max Brady!" Suddenly, things get very quiet. Max turns to Bimbi and chuckles, "I told you they'd believe it!" He asks her, "Why don't you go order room service or something?" Bimbi bounces off.

They invite Max to join them in the hot tub, "Did you bring your swimsuit?"

"Who needs a swimsuit," screams Max, as he does a cannonball into the Jacuzzi, clothes and all.

Chelsea tells Nick what Max just did. Nick asks her to go somewhere quiet. Chelsea hangs up.

Chelsea asks Max, "What's with the 180? I thought you were going to back out of the deal?"

"HEY," chuckles Max, "IT'S VEGAS, BABY!" Splash and play."

Bo insists Steve can handle things. He asks if Hope is ready to pay up. Hope claims she won the bet. Bo says there is no way Roman is sleeping with his ex. Hope thinks four months of dirty diapers have him scared. Bo visualizes Hope in bed doing what he wants every night for the next month. He hopes he won the bet in spite of that image. She tells him to enjoy it while he can. Bo obeys and gets started.

Patch tells Tony and Stefano Hope has pictures of the letters. Tony tells Stefano Patch can't be trusted. Stefano says if the Bradys are interested in finding out who murdered Colleen they should sit back and watch, "Trust me. If the truth is ever known, that family will never recover." FF Stefano.


Bo says, "You didn't!" Roman says, "I did. I slept with Anna." Pan in on Hope.

Belle asks Phillip, "Well... I was wondering... if you could help Shawn find a job."

Kate tells EJ, "Break out the cigars, baby because you are the father.

Marlena says, "I'm sorry things weren't different." Sami looks at the test results and bawls, "E blubber J's blubber the blubber father blubber."

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Are You Horizontally Busy Tonight?

PARTY DOWN AND TOUCH THE SKY! It's a hot time on the old puddle jumper tonight. Stephanie goes back into the kitchen and tells Chelsea they hit the mother load.

The brat and the snot gross us all out by discussing their love lives. Apparently the boyfriends of our favorite pair of stewardi are touching more than the sky. The brat thinks Jett had no right to insult Nick. Stephanie reminds her 5 minutes ago she was ready to kick Nick to the curb, "Chelsea, I thought you figured out that you're not in love with Nick, so give poor Nicky a break and let him down gently."

Billie stands in the pub and talks business with some guy as Nick walks in. He asks to talk to her. Billie thanks the businessman and he leaves. Nick says, "I don't know how to say this."

"Just breathe and spit it out," says the older but wiser girl.

Nick blurts, "Your mom is blackmailing me."

Patch wiggles around the room and asks Bart to join him in the dance of the seven veils or whatever it is he thinks he is doing. Tony walks in and wonders if Patch is well. He tells Bart Anna will be there any minute. Bart leaves and Patch tells Tony he is killing his buzz as he dances around like a crazed pinball. Tony says he is expecting company. "What do you want me to do," asks Patch.

"Double your medication and disappear," suggests Tony.

Patch says he knows who's coming, "Good luck... She's PURDY!"

Stefano walks in as Patch rumbas out the door. Stefano tells Tony he won't be joining him and Anna for dinner, but he cautions him, "Anna is not to be trusted."

Hope rushes into her house. She tells Bo Doodlebug is with Jugs and Doolie. Bo goes to work wiring Hope up.

Anna and Roman pull up in front of Bo and Hope's house. We can hear them arguing from the inside. "It's the same old stuff," yells Roman.

"I don't know why I came back here," screams Anna. Bo and hope soak it in through the window.

The brat doesn't know how she feels about all this. The snot talks about how Jealous Nick is. Jett interrupts this stimulating load of nonsense masquerading as a conversation, and asks for a soft drink. Stephanie leaves him and Chelsea alone. Chelsea is distant. She starts to leave. Jett asks for her to hear him out so he can apologize.

Billie says Nick should go to Kate's house and tell her to get lost. Nick doesn't think it would be quite that easy. Billie asks, "What could my mother possibly have on you? OMG! You didn't go for the three-generation triple whammy, did you? " Nick says, "No, but it's Something bad. And it involves Chelsea."

Bo and Hope break up the argument between Roman and Anna. At least, they make the valiant attempt to do so. Anna is nervous. She tells Hope she will be glad when the evening is over. Bo goes over the plans. He turns to Roman, "You're gonna drop Anna off?"

"From any roof in Salem," says Roman. Bo goes over the plans for the evening. The fearless foursome heads out. Hope gives Bo a look.

Stefano never has understood Tony's attraction to Anna, "But to each his own." He asks Tony to find out what Anna discussed at the Brady's. He will feel better when he finds out what Anna is up to. He asks if Steve is in the house. Tony says he got rid of him. Stefano tells Tony to keep an eye on Patch, sends his regards to Anna and leaves.

"Rest well," says Tony.

"Impossible," snorts Stefano.

Once Stefano is out of earshot, Tony says, "Oh father, anything is possible." Patch watches from outside the window.

Billie and Nick sit at a table in the pub and Nick tells Billie about the hairbrush caper and Kate's threat, "Some moron told her everything and now she says she will turn me in if I don't cooperate."

Billie gets that look Lucy always got when Ricky caught her up to something, "Any idea who the moron is?"


"You're looking at her."

Jett tries to apologize, "How could Nick be a loser? He's got you." That must be a trick question.

Stephanie works the passengers. She lands at Max' seat and thanks him for sticking up for her. Max lectures, "Jeremy has a problem and so do you if you keep putting up with him."

Tony brings Anna in. Bart is enchanted, "Anna DiMera! You're even more beautiful than you are in your pictures." He turns to Tony, "May I?"

Tony gives the OK. Bart embraces the lovely Anna and gives her a little peck. He backs off, looks her in the eyes and then dives in for more. Tony has to break them up. Bart apologizes and leaves.

Anna tries to recover, "What a strange little man."

Tony gives a nervous laugh, "He takes getting used to." Anna says she is excited to be there. Bart brings wine. Anna just wants a little sip. Tony tells her he has flown in consommé from New York, oysters from Antoine's in New Orleans and, of course, chowdah from the Brady pub. Anna remembers Tony always does things first class.

"Carpe diem," says Tony.

"Does carp go with oysters and consommé," asks Anna. She compares Tony's spread to the lunch Roman bought for her, "It was a Texas hot wiener from some place called the Cheatin' Heart."

"Roman always did have poor taste," says Tony.

Bo finishes working on Hope's wire and asks her to say something for a sound check. Hope asks, "Are you horizontally busy tonight?"

"Could you say that again," asks Bo, "I can't hear that enough." Hope wonders how long it will take Anna to distract Tony so she can go in. Bo says, "If he reacts to Anna the way Roman does, any second he'll come running out that door screaming for someone to put him out of his misery."

Hope says, "Aw, come on, She's not that bad."

Bo says, "Are you kidding? She drives Roman crazy."

Hope says, "Are you kidding me? He's crazy about her."

Chelsea asks, "Did you just say you respect Nick because he has nerve, brains and me?" Jett thinks that must be the first time brains and her have ever been used in the same sentence, but he is sorry he put Nick down. He'd like to patch things up. His fiancée Danielle is coming to town and he suggests they all go out – on him.

Max says, "I'm sure Jeremy is a real sweetheart – when he's asleep. I think he's a bully. Someone has to set bullies straight."

Stephanie asks, "Would that be you?"

"The next time he starts running his mouth," says Max, "I'm gonna put my fist in it."

Nick can't believe Billie yapped to Kate. Well, she is Lucas' sister. Loose lips must be genetic. Billie thought she could tell Kate because Roman and her are close and Kate wouldn't want to get Roman in trouble. She asks Nick to give her a chance to talk to Kate. Nick thinks he could go to jail. Billie pulls out her cell phone to give Kate a call. "Hang up that phone," says Nick.

Bo thinks Roman was about ready to strangle Anna earlier. Hope thinks Roman is ready to do something, but it doesn’t involve strangling her. She thinks Roman is putting up a front and trying to hide his feelings. Bo bets Hope is wrong. Hope tells him, "If you are right you are in complete charge of our evenings for a month."

Bo gasps, "You mean..."

"Don't push it Brady," snorts Hope, "If you lose, you change diapers, do laundry..."

Bo whimpers, "Diapers? Shawn isn't even home."

Hope goes in. Bo radios to her, "Get back here in one piece."

Tony and Anna do the vertical tango. They dance around each other in more ways than one. He asks about the letters. She takes them out of her purse and gives them to him. She says she doesn't read Italian, but she thought she saw Santo's name in them. Tony is grateful for her returning them. Tony says he has a question before dinner. He asks why she was at the pub, "And before you say anything don't lie because I'll know. Trust me, I'll know."

Bo radios Hope for an update. She says she is in and all is fine. She found the passageway from the greenhouse. Patch surprises Bo. He asks him to tell Hope to give it five minutes. Bo jumps out of his socks, "What are you doing here?" Patch tells Bo he's hanging at the DiMeras house while Kayla is at the convention.

"That's the longest convention in the history of medicine," says Bo.

"It's actually a golf clinic," says Patch, "Every doctor in the country is there."

Bo wonders if Patch has lost his mind being there. Patch swears he's totally sane. He says he drugged the dinner wine, "...Just for fun. In a few minutes Tony and the rest of them will be out like a cheap light."

Anna struggles. Tony asks again what she was doing at the pub. She claims the Bradys are friends. Tony thinks there is more to it. He presses. "I'm dizzy," says Anna.

Tony is disgusted, "Are you trying to distract me with cheap theatrics?"

"There is nothing cheap about me," slurs Anna. She gets woozy, "YOU DRUGGED ME SO YOU CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME! YOU ANIMAL!" She passes out.

Tony calls Bart. Bart staggers in. Tony slurs, "The wine was drugged..." He passes out.

"No way was the wine drugged," insists Bart as he passes out on top of Tony and Anna.

Nick forbids Billie to call Kate. She insists she can handle Kate. She promises it will turn out OK.

Jett thinks once Nick sees him in a relationship he'll relax. They decide to go on the double date. He thanks her for the soda and leaves.

Max says he has known a dozens of Jeremys, "They all have a big mouth and nothing to back it up."

Stephanie defends her little creep, "You're totally wrong about Jeremy."

Speak of the devil, Jerkemy walks up and asks, "About what, babe. What has Max been saying about me?"

Stephanie claims Max was just kidding around, "About whether you can fly a plane."

"I heard you," says Jeremy. He presses.

Max says, "I was just telling Stephanie what a snake you are, Jer. You're the kind of guy my Texas friends say is all hat and no cattle. But Stephanie was disagreeing with me, so who do you plan on proving wrong?" They trade wisecracks. Jeremy claims Max has him all wrong. Max plans to keep watching him. Jeremy asks his gal Friday to grab him a ginger ale while he goes and makes nice with the rich boys.

Chelsea comes out and she and Max share a stare.

Kate arrives at the pub, "Nick! What a surprise!"

Billie isn't in the mood for it, "Cut the crap, Mother."

"Don't be crude," says mommie dearest.

"How about blackmail," asks Billie, "Is that crude enough?" Billie fills Kate in. She knows what she is up to. Kate says sometimes she says things she should keep to herself, but claims there was no threat implied. She tells Nick this is all in his head. Nick chuckles. Kate insists she was joking. She pulls up a chair and suggests they get something sweet to eat. Nick wonders if hemlock is sweet.

Hope radios in. Steve breaks in and tells her they are all asleep, "I sang them a lullaby." Bo tells her to yell if there is trouble, and he and Patch will be there in a flash.

Hope walks into the mansion and does a double-take when she sees the pile of humanity stacked like firewood on the couch. She takes a picture of the heap with her cell phone and then goes to work.

Kate claims innocence. She admits she hopes EJ is the father of the twins. Billie's eyes pop out when she hears the word "twins." Kate insists if she is the grandmother, she will shower them with love and affection. She thinks Nick takes things the wrong way. Billie suggests Nick should press charges for blackmail. She threatens to call Sami and Lucas. Kate could lose Lucas forever. He hasn't disowned her yet this month. That's not what Kate wants, so Billie thinks they understand each other.

Hope can't find the letters. Suddenly she looks under a cushion and finds them. She says she will be out just as soon as she photographs all of them.

Patch gives Bo a goofy smile. Bo asks, "What can I say?"

Patch thinks for a minute, "How about, 'Thanks a lot. I was wrong about you.'" He tells Bo he managed the DiMeras by acting crazy. It wasn't much of a stretch. He hopes Bo now realizes whose side he is on.

Hope radios in, "Mission accomplished. You can stop worrying now." Translation: Start worrying, Bo. Bo says he will stop worrying when she gets out of there.

The brat asks if she can get Max anything. "A new brain," he says. He tells her he wants out of the deal as soon as they land.

Jeremy and Stephanie romp in the kitchen. Jeremy asks, "Are you ready to join the mile high club?"

Stephanie asks, "Now?"

"If you want it," says Jeremy, "But you gotta get through the initiation. You gotta come up with a way to keep Max as a partner."

Kate tells Billie they understand each other. She apologizes to Nick. Billie gets up and goes to pay, leaving Kate with her opening. She morphs into Satan and tells Nick he made a big mistake.

"Sorry," says a stunned Nick.

"You're going to be," hisses Kate, "Good luck. You're going to need it." She leaves. Nick chases after her.

Billie calls, "Nick! What happened?"

Hope replaces the letters. She tells Bo she's starting back. Through his earpiece, Bo hears Stefano call for Tony and Bart.

Hope radios, "Stefano is here in the house." Bo tells her to get out, and then hears Stefano's voice in his ear, "Hope Brady! What the devil are you doing here?" Bo starts to rush in. Patch stops him.

Stefano badgers Hope, "Who let you in here?" He looks at the human rubble strewn all over the couch, "What did you do to them? What are you up to now?" FF Hope.


PrevuzeYou, the informed Prevuze reader must be aware of the international incident created yesterday when a helicopter door fell into a crowd at an air show. The incident injured three people and sent the crowd scattering in chaos. Immediately, news teams and engineers descended on the site of the near-tragedy to attempt to determine its cause. Speculation ran wild on talk shows, news shows and a terrified world watched as the video of the event ran endlessly. Yet, with all this attention, the cause remains in doubt. OR SO THEY SAY!

Enter the crack team of Prevuze journalists, which can put two and two together faster than Nick Fallon on a Starbuck's Vente Latte. Every single news story correctly reported the event took place in Galway, Ireland. GALWAY, IRELAND, PEOPLE! DOES THAT RING A BELL?

Either the entire journalistic world gets the Belle Black Kiriakis Award For Doofism or it is covering up the fact that this was a DiMera plot! Prevuze will notify all its loyal readers when it is selected for the Pulitzer prize for uncovering this gripping revelation.


Chelsea and Jett sit in a hot tub. Chelsea says, "Nick kept freaking out that I was coming here. Why can't he just trust me, huh?" Jett smiles, "A hottie like you running wild in Vegas? I'd be worried too."

Kate threatens, "Keep up the great work Mr. Fallon, because if you don't, the lights could go out on that bright future."

Stefano says to Bart and Patch, "Trust me. If the truth is ever known, the family will never recover."

Monday, June 25, 2007

Stone Cold Killer

Kate confronts Nick and tells him she wants him to falsify the lab reports to show EJ is the father of Sami's babies. "Why does everyone think that I can be bought," asks Nick.

"Not everyone," says Kate, "Just the whores in your life. I don't think you can be bought... I know you can. It's just a question of the price."

Dr. Jacobs confirms it – Sami is going to have twins. Sami doesn't understand. She's had other tests and they haven't shown twins. "That's because your daughter is hiding right behind her brother, and, as you know, babies NEVER move in the womb." says Dr. Jacobs, "The twins are paternal."

"Well," says Lucas, "I'm glad they're friendly."

"I think it's wonderful," says Marlena.

"You know what I'm thinkin', doctor," asks Sami, "I'm thinkin' you're in for one hell of a lawsuit."

Jeremy lectures Max for being late. He claims he had to dump his bimbo because Jeremy made it clear he didn't want anyone else there. "You're better off," says Jeremy, "Takin' a chick to Vegas is like takin' sand to the beach, you know what I mean?"

"Whatever," says Max. He asks if the contraband is there yet. Jeremy says it isn't, but asks if Max has the cash. Max shows him the cash. Jeremy doesn't want anything going wrong. He makes it clear the little venture is strictly between them. Cheery Stephanie walks up and Jerkemy jumps down her throat, "What are you doing here? I have something to do and I told you what time to get here – that's not for another hour. What part of that didn't you understand?"

"I just thought we could spend some time together. I never get to see you any more. I just..."


Rolf nags Stefano. He's running a temperature and he should be in bed. Stefano has no time for such things. Rolf grumbles, "You ask for my advice and you don't take it!" EJ interrupts. He says he got Stefano's urgent message. He asks Rolf if everything is OK. Rolf says Stefano is running a temperature. Stefano insists he is fine and they all tussle until Stefano summarily dismisses Rolf. After Rolf leaves, EJ asks Stefano what this is all about.

PrevuzeStefano hyperventilates, "I trusted you, my son. You were the last hope for the future of this family and you let me down." EJ wonders how in the world he could have let Stefano down. SLAP, "You lied to me and that is the one thing I will not tolerate!"

Nick tells Kate what she is asking him to do is illegal and he's calling the cops. If she drops this right now, he will pretend this conversation never happened. Kate reminds him she can be very generous. He insists it isn't going to happen. "Why," asks Kate, "Because you are a man of strong moral character?"

"I don't know if I'm strong or moral," says Nick, "But I'm certainly a character." Kate wonders how he reconciles the fact that he wants to be a moral person with the fact that he stole police evidence to protect his girlfriend.

"That's different," says Nick.

"Why," asks Kate, "Because you wanted Chelsea really badly? For you, the end justifies the means. Am I wrong, Nicholas?"

Marlena tells Sami Dr. Jacobs is not responsible for her having twins. That narrows the field of candidates a little bit, anyway. Lucas wonders if this means they have to do two amnios. Dr. Jacobs tells him that won't be necessary. Sami bawls, "Doctor, are you telling me there is a chance these babies could have two different fathers?" Marlena tells her that isn't likely. "OMG," screams Sami, "How could my life be any worse?"

Stephanie tells le Jerk he doesn't have to be so mean about it. He tells her he would be nicer if she would just listen to him, "I told you I had business before the flight but, as usual, it didn't sink in to that little pea brain of yours."

"At least it's my brain that's the size of a pea," says Stephanie. She asks him what kind of business this is. He tells her to buzz off.

Max steps in and breaks up the spat, "Stephanie is my friend and her mom is my sister, and I'm not gonna let you treat her like a piece of garbage. That was my job when we were dating and I dumped her."

Stefano's wrath comes down on EJ full-force. He sent him to do a job and he failed. EJ wonders why Stefano thinks he failed. Stefano tells him it's because he got a different report on Anna DiMera from someone else. EJ asks who that would be. That's Patch's cue, "Hey, buddy! How ya been?" EJ wonders what Patch is doing there. He tells Stefano he can't be trusted. Stefano says he has proven himself to be a loyal soldier by warning them of the real reason Anna is coming to the house tonight. EJ says they already knew that. They knew she was bringing back the letters.

Stefano says there is more to it than that, "According to Steve, Anna has been conspiring with the entire Brady clan. What they really want to do is get their hands on the letters from Santo to Colleen. The whole group of them have gotten together to bring us down. And if it was up to you, they would get away with it."

EJ gasps, "The entire Brady family... together. That would raise their collective IQ into double digits. You're right, we could be up against a formidable foe. You can't think I would want them to bring us down."

"Don't take me for a fool," screams Stefano, "You lied to me. Who or what is more important than your own flesh and blood?"

EJ rationalizes. Stefano rages. He thinks EJ is a fool if he bought the Brady lies. EJ swears he would never betray the family. Stefano wishes he could believe that, "But I know you have very strong feelings for Samantha Roberts, and I understand that."

Patch pipes in, "Not me. I think that chick is crazy."

EJ claims Patch doesn't even know Sami. Sarcastic Stefano thanks Steve for his opinion, but says he can take care of things, "The bottom line here, Elvis, is that I don't think I can trust you any more. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? But your loyalties seem to lie elsewhere. If that is true, you will not be a part of this family any more. YOU WILL END UP WITH NOTHING!"

EJ swears this is Tony's doing. Stefano says as erratic as Tony can be he knows he is loyal. EJ asks, "Are you going to believe Tony and this one-eyed idiot? We know what Tony wants. He's made it very clear."

Stefano shakes his fist and says he wishes he could believe EJ. EJ says he must tell him how he can prove his loyalty.

Marlena is delighted. Sami... Lucas... oh, well, one out of three ain't bad. Lucas walks off in a huff. Sami has to worry about the fact that her twins might have different fathers. Marlena and Dr. Jacobs both counsel Sami not to get ahead of herself. Sami gets ahead of herself. Dr. Jacobs says, "Let's just calm down and wait for the tests to come back in a couple days – 48 hours."

"Make up your mind," says Lucas, "What is it? Two days or 48 hours?" He wants Dr. Jacobs to put a rush on the tests. She promises to see what she can do as she leaves.

Marlena tries to console Sami. Sami isn't buying it. "It could be worse," she says, "EJ could be the father of both babies."

Nick says he was wrong to break the rules for Chelsea, but he did it because she was innocent and he would never do it again. Kate admires his sense of justice the way he stood up for what he believes in and the way she sees it she's just giving him a chance to do that again. She says there is another innocent person who is about to have his life destroyed by a person like Willow. Nick asks if Kate is comparing Sami to Willow. Oh, yeah.

"But Sami and Lucas love each other."

Kate has a stroke, "Sami is incapable of love. Lucas may be in love but he's also in misery." Nick thinks Lucas looks like he's kind of happy. "Yeah," smiles Kate, "Well, she's kind of gonna destroy his life."

Nick asks, "But what if it really is his child."

"You know," says Kate, "It really is none of your business." Nick thinks Kate is evil and conniving. She thanks him for the compliment but says she really doesn't care about his assessment of her.

"The answer is no," says Nick.

"I'm disappointed," says Kate, "But not half as disappointed as your boss will be when he finds out you stole evidence from the lab."

Jerko and Max go at it over Stephanie. She steps in and defends scum-boy. She says she should have respected his request to stay away. She leaves. "Satisfied," asks Germy, "Are we cool?"

"I don't know," says Max, "You tell me."

Stefano tells EJ if he wants to prove his loyalty, he will go to an address Stefano gives him, pick up trunks filled with merchandise and deliver them to a private jet heading for Vegas tonight. EJ asks if Tony is involved in this and Stefano tells him this is Tony's project all the way. If the project is a success, Stefano will tell EJ all about it. In the meantime, he wants the trunks on the plane within the hour. EJ says he appreciates the chance and starts to leave.

Steve stops him. He asks Stefano if he really wants to trust EJ. EJ tells him it's none of his concern. "You're right," says Patch, "It's not." EJ leaves. Stefano growls. Patch stares.

Max once again jumps to Stephanie's defense. Jerko tells him to back off. He thinks Stephanie is still a kid and needs tough love. Max says she needs respect.

"This from a guy who treats women like Kleenex and throws them away even with less regard."

"Oh, yeah," says Max, "Name one woman I threw away like that."


Max thinks he should take his money somewhere else. Jeremy stares.

Lucas paces. Marlena reminds them it could turn out Lucas is the father. Sami tells her not to make things any worse than they are. "If EJ is the father, you will deal with it," says Marlena.

Sami turns, "Well, Lucas, will we deal with it?" For the first time in his life, Lucas has nothing to say. Marlena leaves to give them some time together. Sami asks Lucas how much more of this he can handle.

Dr. Jacobs interrupts Nick and Kate. She hands him a vial and tells him she needs a rush on the DNA test. Nick stammers but agrees to do it. Dr. Jacobs leaves. Kate stares at Nick.

Max threatens to walk out of the deal unless Jerko stops giving Stephanie ahard time and apologizes to her. Jeremy agrees. Max asks if he really means that or just wants his money. "I just want your money," says Jeremy. He chuckles and tells Max that was a joke. Max ain't laughing. Max hands him the envelope full of money and goes to check on Stephanie.

Sami asks Lucas again, if the babies turn out to be EJ's, can he handle that? "Would that change anything," asks Lucas, "Just because there are two of them?" Sami reminds him he could hardly handle the fact there was one of them. She says that's why she has been working so hard to end the war between the Bradys and the DiMeras, "All EJ wants is the stem cells, anyway."

Lucas says, "No, Sami, EJ wants you, all right? That idiot wants you for himself."

"Well," says Sami, "I'm certainly used to idiots who want me for themselves." She doesn't care what EJ wants. Lucas is her husband and she wants him, warts and all. She asks him to promise she won't lose him.

EJ delivers the trunks to Jeremy. He gives EJ the cash and EJ says he is covering for his brother and asks what is inside the trunks. Jeremy tells him to ask his brother and leaves.

Tony enters, "Well, well, well, look who's here." He wonders what EJ is doing there. EJ tells Tony he is covering for him. He gives him the money and asks about the nature of the business. "If it were any of your concern," says Tony, "somebody would have told you. Stay the hell out of my business if you know what's good for you." The two loving brothers have a smirk-fest and Tony leaves.

Nick sits in a wheelchair and broods. Marlena finds him. He asks her which father she wants him to rig the tests for. Marlena says all she wants is if EJ is the father, for Nick to call her so she can break the news gently to Sami. Nick says that's against the privacy rules. Marlena will have to find out the results when they post them on the tote board in the main waiting room like everyone else. Marlena says she is not just Sami's mother, but also her doctor so she is entitled to the results. Nick agrees to tell her if it is bad news, or if EJ is the father. She pats his cheek and thanks him for being one of the good guys.

Lucas says he isn't going anywhere. Sami asks, "Lucas, will you really be able to stand it if we are stuck with two of EJ's children for all the Days Of Our Lives ?" Lucas tells her not to conjure up the worst possible outcome. "Will you be able to love the babies even if they are DiMeras," asks Sami.

Lucas isn't sure, "I'll be a good Uncle Lucas, but I'm not going to be the dad." He suggests they wait for the test results and see what happens.

Nick calls and leaves a message for Chelsea. Kate interrupts, "I forgot to mention that you're not to breathe a word of this to anyone. Don't you think you should get to work?"

Tony returns and berates Stefano for sending EJ to make the delivery. Stefano says he isn't cutting EJ in – he's just testing his loyalty. He wants Tony to concentrate on Anna. Tony looks over at Patch and says he doesn't trust him either. Patch sucks down a piece of pie and tells Tony he can deal with that. Tony says he's about to head back to the kitchen and make sure all the arrangements have been made. Patch volunteers to handle that for Tony when he heads back to get another slice of pie.

Patch leaves. Tony turns and addresses Stefano, "Father... father? Father, are you all right?"

Stefano comes to and apologizes for his inattentiveness, "What did you say?" Tony tells him just to rest.

Jeremy comes back into the plane and tells EJ everything looks good, "They boys in Vegas will be pleased." Max walks in and wonders what EJ is doing there. EJ greets his old racing nemesis. Max tells Jeremy he hopes they aren't doing business with a stone cold killer.

EJ thinks Max has quite a sense of humor, "Anyway, I must be getting going... before somebody dies." He leaves.

Max rants against EJ. Jeremy tells Max EJ did his part and now he is gone, "All we need to do now is deliver the goods, split the take and party in Vegas."

Max asks, "How are we going to split the take?"

Jeremy says, "Everyone gets the same amount – a share for me, a share for you and a share for me. You can't get any more even than that."

As he leaves, Jeremy says, "Trust me, man, it's all under control." Max stares.


Stephanie says, "Chelsea, I thought you figured out that you're not in love with Nick, so give poor Nicky a break and let him down gently."

Billie asks, "What could my mother possibly have on you?" Nick says, "Something bad. And it involves Chelsea."

Hope says, "She's not that bad." Bo says, "Are you kidding? She drives Roman crazy." Hope says, "Are you kidding me? He's crazy about her."

Tony grabs Anna and says, "Don't lie because I'll know. Trust me, I'll know."

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Banned In Botswana!

PrevuzeLet's face it... Prevuze has done some pretty despicable things to the poor creatures who live in Salem. We've called them names. We've had them say things they never said – nasty things. We've put the characters in situations they have never been in, and made fun of them until it hurts (hurts with laughter, we hope). And, oh, how we love to bring up their checkered pasts. In short, we've done everything we could to be sarcastic, cutting, even downright mean. And through all this, our loyal readers have taken it in stride and kept coming back for more.

But there was one time when... OMG, Prevuze crossed the line. We published a picture that brought the wrath of God down upon us. It started the Great Reader Revolt of 2006. CONGRESS CENSURED PREVUZE! WE WERE BANNED IN BOTSWANA! CENSORED IN CARLSBAD! OSTRACIZED IN OREGON AND BLACKBALLED IN BILOXI!

It was this picture that prompted us to come up with the "CENSORED" warning you've seen here many times to warn readers the material may be considered offensive by those who are wusse... uh, sensitive. It also places the responsibility for looking at the picture on YOU, the reader, and leaves Prevuze as pure as the driven snow.

What could it have been? What could Prevuze, the most sarcastic blog on the web, have done to go far beyond its usual brand of mischief and incur such wrath? Was it obscene? No. Was it violent? No. Did it use foul language? No. All we did was show the blurry, angelic face of a little kid. And here it is, from Wedensday, February 1, 2006, the day Prevuze was really naughty:

Sigh... Wish they all could be that good...

Friday, June 22, 2007

If The Earth Doesn't Move, You Move On

Chelsea staggers down the stairs with a "what happened" look on her face. Nick bounces out of the kitchen with coffee.

Well, folks, if you don't have at least a 48" TV, you won't be able to see the full smile on Nick's face. He thinks it was pretty amazing. Oddly, he's ready to go back upstairs. He asks Chelsea if she wants to go up with him. Deflowered Chelsea blushes and smiles her little brat-smile. Nick repeats his request.


Billie and Kate sit in the pub and talk. Kate thinks Billie's biggest problem is selling herself short. Billie is proud her security system was her own doing. Kate's career, on the other hand, is going down the toilet. She's locked out of her office and her bank account is frozen. They turn their attention to Sami. Billie can't believe Sami didn't press charges. Kate says the rape is Sami's story but the only thing they have is her word, and they know Sami is a liar.

Billie insists Sami wouldn't lie about this, and they both need to support Lucas. Speaking of Lucas, Motormouth himself walks in. He asks if they are talking about him. Since Lucas is the center of the universe, what else could they be talking about?

Sami is in for the amnio. Dr. Jacobs explains the risks. Sami signs the consent form. Dr. Jacobs leaves. Marlena tells Sami she doesn't have to do this. Sami insists she does, "If I don't prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that EJ is not the father, I'm afraid I'm gonna lose Lucas.

Marlena asks, "What are you saying?"

Sami says, "Basically, how do I prove EJ is the father so I can dump this possessive, defensive gasbag I'm stuck with?"

Marlena thinks Sami is underestimating Lucas. Impossible. Sami wouldn't blame him if he wanted to leave her, "What kind of man would want to raise another man's child."

"Willingly or unwillingly, half the guys in Salem do it," says Marlena, "Including John." She predicts Lucas will accept it. Sami falls apart. That's what she used to think but Lucas has changed. Sami is afraid he will hate the baby because it will remind him of what EJ did to her.

Lucas wants to talk to Billie – alone. Kate protests but leaves, "I see, the banishment continues. I'll go powder my nose."

Billie is glad she got out of business with EJ before she got in the same kind of hot water as her mom. Kate listens as Lucas tells Billie Sami is getting the amnio. Billie tells him it's natural for him to be concerned. Lucas says, "There's nothing natural about that SOB raping my wife, all right? And now I have to raise his baby – no thank you."

The brat says she didn't mean to snap at Nick, "It's time to rock and roll." Nick buys into that immediately. He's ready to do some rockin' and rollin' with her. Chelsea says she meant it's time to shower and get to work. Nick suggests showering together. Chelsea makes excuses. Just because they had sex doesn't mean they have to grope each other all the time, "I know this wasn't your first time."

"Are you mad at me," asks Nick, "I didn't disappoint you, did I?"

"No," lies Chelsea, "We're golden."

Nick babbles, "So, like, we're a couple now. If anyone asks, you gotta tell them you're taken."

Chelsea yells, "Is that why you had sex with me? To mark your territory and show Jett I'm taken? I thought you were better than that. So you think I still have a thing for Jett?"

"No," says Nick, "I think he has a thing for you."

Nick says he trusts her. He's happy for her and her new job. By the time she gets back he'll have the apartment ready. He wants to make her happy. She smooches him and tells him they are all right. Nick goes upstairs and Chelsea picks up the phone, "I need you right away I have a big problem."

Lucas doesn't blame Sami. Billie says she believes Sami was raped. Lucas says his problem is with himself. He promised he would welcome the baby, but can't do that if it's EJ's. He says Sami doesn't seem to care either way who the father is. Lucas can't raise EJ's baby as his own. Kate soaks it in.

Sami worries because of Celeste's prediction. Marlena reminds her EJ raped her, "And I didn't report it," says Sami, "And if the baby is his, we will keep this war up." Marlena suggests a meeting between the two families. Sami doesn't think that will work. Stefano has made it clear the price for peace between the two families is her marrying EJ. Marlena thinks Stefano is vile, but he loves his family and wants EJ to be happy. Sami refuses to be a DiMera harem girl.

"You are the woman EJ loves," says Marlena.

"A man does not rape a woman he loves," says Sami, "I hope before he dies someone harts him like he hurt me."

Nick stands at the door and tells Chelsea he misses her already. He wishes her a good flight. She promises to call. Smooches. "I love you," says Nick.

The brat says nothing, but just nods. She walks back inside. Stephanie stands there munching a bagel, carb-loading for the flight. Chelsea makes the big announcement, "Nick and I spent the night together."

"I know," says Stephanie, "Jeremy told me. He saw the two of you going at it hot and heavy here on the couch."

Chelsea has a conniption, "He what? He's probably posting pictures on MySpace."

Stephanie wants details, "Did Nick rock you down to your soul?"

"Not exactly," says Chelsea, "I blinked and it was over. He was really sweet and gentle but I didn't feel anything. I think there is something wrong with me."

"You aren't alone there," says Stephanie.

Billie says Sami did what she had to do to save Lucas' life, "DNA doesn't mean a damn. All the baby needs is your love." Lucas wonders what he is going to do on Christmas, Thanksgiving or weekends when EJ shows up. He thinks Tony, Stefano and EJ will corrupt the kid and turn it against him. He doesn't know if he can do it. Billie asks if he has discussed this with Sami.

"Oh, heck no," says Lucas, "That would be the intelligent thing to do so I can't do that. What do I say – raising EJ's kid wasn't in your wedding vows, so I can't do it? I don't know what I am going to do."

Marlena thinks punishing EJ wouldn't solve anything. Right now Marlena just wants to get her hands on him, "But we don't do that."

Sami says she had the chance to kill him, but she couldn't, "I would be lost without Lucas, but if this baby is EJ's..."

"It's not," declares Marlena, "These test results are far too important to leave to chance."

Sami about faints, "Are you saying you would rig the test results?"

"That's exactly what I propose," says Marlena, "You say the word and your worries are over."

Sami is absolutely shocked. Marlena insists no one will know. Sami speaks from experience, "Someone always finds out. What if something happened to the baby and Lucas found out? This would cause too many sleepless nights. There is no way I am letting you do this." Marlena notes the old Sami would have jumped at the chance. Sami can't go through another lie like that. Dear, innocent Marlena just doesn't know what she was thinking when she suggested rigging the test results.

Sami goes sappy on us, "You were thinking you love me, just like I love you."

Billie thinks Lucas should talk this over with Sami. Kate eavesdrops. Nick walks in. He takes a bullhorn and announces, "HI EVERYONE! I GOT LAID LAST NIGHT! Hello Billie! Hello Lucas!" He looks directly behind them and says, "Hello, Mrs. Roberts!"

Lucas and Billie turn around and see Kate standing there. They let her have it with both barrels for listening to their conversation. Nick asks how Sami is doing and they give him a report. Lucas goes to call Marlena and check up on Sami. Nick says he will check up on her when he gets to the hospital. Billie is glad to hear he and Chelsea are doing well and he still has his job at the hospital, "I've been out of the loop ever since she moved in with Bo and Hope."

Nick extols Chelsea's virtue. Or lack of it. Kate joins in and asks how Nick is doing. He chirps, "Mrs. Roberts, I have never been better!"

"I lost my virginity last night," says Chelsea, "I wanted it to be special. Stephanie thinks Chelsea has seen too many chic flicks. She says sex is the one subject you can't flunk. Chelsea says, "I wasn't just looking for someone who wanted to grab ass."

"Don't knock it till you've tried it," says Stephanie.

Chelsea asks, "Is that how it is with you and Jeremy? Uh... Is it wrong to think about other things when you're doing it? I kept thinking about him doing my mom."

Stephanie's bagel comes back up, "EEEUUUUUUWWW..." Chelsea thought she was over that. Chelsea says she knows Nick wanted her. Stephanie asks, "What do you want?

Chelsea says, "I don't know, and that's why I called you."

Stephanie asks, "Did you sleep with him because you were into it or did you think you owed him a freebie?"


"Does Nick make you feel like you want your hands in his pants 24-7," asks Stephanie, "Maybe it will happen, but not with Nick."

Chelsea says she just can't break his heart. Stephanie counsels her to go for a clean break, "You can't sleep with him and fake it. That's not love. It's pity."

Billie hopes Chelsea realizes how lucky she is. As he leaves, Nick tells Billie realizes how lucky he is, by God.

Billie tells Kate about the hairbrush planting and Nick stealing it, "Roman let them walk."

Kate perks up, "Roman was involved?"

Billie swears Kate to silence. Kate swears she won't tell anyone. Billie senses insincerity, "I mean it, Mom, not a word to anyone." Crafty Kate keeps her mouth shut. Lucas comes over to their table and announces the amnio is about to start.

"Don't you think you should get over there," asks Kate.

Lucas snorts, "Don't tell me what to do."

Kate removes the dagger from her heart, "OK. Fine. Give my regards to Sami." Lucas heads out the door. Kate huffs.

Nick walks into Sami's room with flowers. He says the flowers are from Chelsea and him. Sami asks how things are with them. Nick grins from ear to ear, "BETTER THAN EVER!" Sami hopes things stay that way. Nick says he will check up on her later. She tells him to make sure the tests results aren't messed up.

Dr. Jacobs brings in Jane Yamomoto to do the tests.

Kate bumps into Nick in the hall. He shows her where Sami's room is if she is there to see her. Kate says she's not there to see Sami, "I'm here to see you."

Chelsea says she doesn't pity Nick nor is she into mercy sex. Stephanie thinks she's not into sex at all, at least with Nick. Chelsea asks, "So if the sex wasn't hot between you and Jeremy, you'd dump him?"

"It's more like he'd dump me," says Stephanie, "Turn-ons come in surprise packages. You aren't in love with Nick. If the earth doesn't move, you move on. What about Jett? You look at him like you want to rip his clothes off with your teeth and jump his bones.

"You're sick," says Chelsea.

Stephanie says, "You want Jett Carver. You want him bad."

Chelsea smiles and thinks about the possibilities. Finally she says, "You need to run your dirty little mouth though the rinse cycle. And stop acting like a pole dancer looking for her next lap dance."

"Why," asks Stephanie, "Because I did the nasty before you did?"

"Listen to how you talk," says Chelsea, "There isn't anything nasty about sleeping with someone."

"There is if you do it right," says Stephanie, "With enough practice you'll forget about Nick."

Chelsea says Nick is the best thing in her life. Stephanie suggests a new life and a new guy.

"I'm not into one-nighters," says Chelsea.

"Why not make it last more than one night," asks Stephanie.

Chelsea says, "You are a slut!"

"I'd rather be that," says Stephanie, "Than imagine my mom... EEEUUUUUUWWW...

Chelsea says, "You make me sound like some shallow crotch grabber, which I am not. And why would I leave Nick for some guy who is in love with another woman?" She doesn't want to hear any more about Jett, decides inviting Stephanie over was a bad idea and ushers her to the door.

"I'll see you at work," says Stephanie. She giggles, "So will Jett!"

Kate tells Nick she's there because Lucas is worried about the test. He tells her Sami is in good hands. She thinks his work in the lab must be fascinating. Nick says, "Let's cut to the chase... what do you want?"

"I want the test results to prove EJ is the father, beyond a shadow of a doubt."

Lucas walks into Sami's room. Dr. Jacobs wrinkles her brow. She sees something on the monitor and can't believe she hasn't seen it before. Everybody in the room gasps in unison, "IS SOMETHING WRONG?"

"There is nothing wrong," says Dr. Jacobs, "With either one of your babies. Congratulations! It looks like you're having twins!"

Lucas searches for a barf bag.


Jerkemy tells Max, "All we need to do now is deliver the goods, split the take and party in Vegas."

Kate says, "I want you to do the smart thing." Nick says, "Make sure EJ Wells is the father no matter what the truth is."

Lucas says, "No, Sami, EJ wants you, all right? That idiot wants you for himself."

Stefano says, "You let me down. EJ says, "I let you down... How, father?" SLAP, "You lied to me and that is the one thing I will not tolerate!"

Belle, Shawn, Phillip and Claire get together for their own family meeting. Belle speaks her mind. The silence is deafening.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Ghouls And Knee-Crackers

Lexie has a case of the nerves as Celeste helps her apply her makeup. Celeste tells her not to be nervous. Lexie bawls as she looks in the mirror and says she thinks she's aged ten years. Celeste tells her that's common on soap operas. Lexie thinks this was a mistake. Celeste tells her to speak from her heart when Abe arrives. Dr. Berger comes in with bad news.

Anna asks why everyone is looking at her. They are shocked she wanted money for helping them with the DiMeras. Sami volunteers to step in for free. Lucas vetoes. Sami snorts, "Are you speaking for me now?"

Lucas doesn’t care who he is speaking for just so he is speaking.

Hope volunteers to go in. Bo doesn't want that. Hope gives him the raised eyebrow and asks if he is speaking for her now. Anna insists Hope would be safe, "Distracting men is my life's work." She looks over at Roman.

"Anna, we'll talk about your reward later," says God's gift to women.

"That could be interesting," says Anna. Hope decides things are settled.

Stefano tells EJ he and Sami can now assure Colleen and Santo rest in peace. Stefano promises he will control Tony. He accepts responsibility for the man Tony has become but Tony is the past and EJ is the future. Stefano says making peace is a hollow victory if they keep fighting among themselves. Suddenly, Stefano has a choking attack. EJ sits him down and calls for Rolf.

Dr. Berger says after the transplant Abe has been complaining about headaches. This could be an infection resulting in rejection. They won't know for several days if things are OK. Dr. Berger says Lexie is welcome to stay, but Lexie decides not to. Dr. Berger leaves.

Lexie tells Celeste this is a sign she is supposed to leave Salem and never come back.

Stefano insists he is fine. Rolf tells him he should be in bed. Stefano tells Rolf he should be in a retirement home. Stefano decides a little rest might be good. He tells EJ to talk to Tony. They need a united front. Rolf takes Stefano off.

Tony comes in and EJ tells him Stefano is resting. Tony reminds EJ he keeps refusing to save Stefano. Tony thinks EJ is blind to Samantha and his responsibilities. EJ wants to be brothers.

"Cain and Abel," suggests Tony, "You're the anointed one and I will be cleaning up your scraps for all the Days Of Our Lives."

EJ says they can be equals, brothers. Tony thinks it's a fantasy. The crowning achievement of his life will be when he watches EJ die. Feel the love.

Sami insists she should be the one to go in. Lucas again vetoes it, and takes her aside.

"I think we should stick with the original plan," says Hope. Bo reminds her there is no original plan. Patch walks in and stops the bickering, "There's only one person who could pull of an inside job like this, and you're looking at him."

Bo thinks Steve could still be susceptible to the DiMeras powers of suggestion. Patch denies it. He says he remembers Anna. He turns to John, "I don't expect your forgiveness."

Magnanimous John says, "They cut into both of us, but we're still standing, right? And, hey, they gave me some great drugs during my recovery." They share a hug – a guy hug. Patch says going to the mansion is his way of getting past what the DiMeras did.

Marlena says, "The road back starts here, not at the mansion, with us telling you how much we appreciate you wanting to help."

Lucas tells Sami to let the family handle the DiMeras. He wants the amnio. Sami says, "I'm doing this for us."

Lucas yells, "You're gonna put an end to everything, including our marriage! And we have so many minutes invested in this marriage I don't see how you can throw it away now."

Sami says, "What are you griping about? This is already one of your longer marriages, anyway."

Steve makes his case. Bo wants him to take more time, "The answer is no. You're not coming in on this."

Tony tells EJ he was dealt the lucky hand genetically. He looks at the picture of Santo and tells EJ it's his ticket to everything. EJ disagrees. He says Stefano wants his life to be remembered for more than bloodshed.

Tony sees through that one, "If his health came back tomorrow, he'd go right back to his old ways. He's not as soft as you think he is. Crush him and he will have a dungeon room waiting for you."

"Then I'll be careful not to disobey him," says EJ.

"If you do," says Tony, "even the memory of his father's face will not save you."

Celeste tells Lexie there is no such thing as signs. That's like Colonel Sanders telling the world there is no such thing as chicken. Abe needs her. Lexie wonders why Abe would need an unfaithful wife. Celeste asks if Lexie is walking out on Theo. Lexie says she will call and explain things to the kid. Celeste says, "That boy doesn't need an explanation. He needs a mother, and if you walk out that door I swear you're going to regret it for the rest of your life."

Humphrey Bogart steps in and says, "You blew the line. You're supposed to say, 'You'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.'"

EJ says Tony's plan to turn Stefano against him won't work. Tony says all he has to do is sit and wait until Stefano dead. Tony will be the sole DiMera heir, "Peace with the Bradys would be boring, kind of like watching DOOL. I don't back off and I will not take a back seat to a coward like you."

EJ has a suggestion, "Maybe you should fall in love with a woman and donate the body parts to Stefano."

Bart comes in, "I have news from the front. There is a Brady gathering at the pub, and there is a stunning blonde in the mix. It's Anna." That shuts Tony up. EJ thinks this would be a good time to put Tony's loyalty to the test.

Lucas wonders what kind of a marriage they would have if Sami were dead. "At least I wouldn't have to listen to your mouth running all the time," says Sami.

Lucas wants the amnio and a safe house. Sami doesn't want to be in a safe house. Lucas tells her, "You want to be there be there for us, Sami."

"Do they allow husbands in safe houses," asks Sami.

"Absolutely not," says Lucas.

Sami thinks it over, "Maybe it's not such a bad idea, then."

Steve thinks the Bradys don't trust him. Roman says if they need him they know where to find him. Poor, dejected Steve leaves.

Roman gives Anna a pre-dialed cell phone. Tony answers. "Guess who," chirps Anna.

Tony plays dumb. It's not a stretch, "Who?"

"You know very well who," snorts Anna, "I heard you had been released and I thought I would swing by and see for myself. I found something that belongs to you."

"My heart," asks Tony.

"No," says Anna, "You never had one. I found letters written in Italian from Colleen to Santo."

Tony asks, "Are you free tomorrow night?"

"I'll get free," says Anna, "Make sure the usual ghouls and knee-crackers aren't around."

Tony hangs up and tells EJ it was his ex. He looks at his phone, "No number – those clever Bradys. They block caller ID."

EJ asks, "What did she want?"

"With Anna," says Tony, "half the fun is finding out."

When Lexie was trapped in the tunnel of doom, all she could think about was seeing Theo and asking Abe for forgiveness, "Abe may say the words but the doubt will always be there." She's afraid of hurting him again. Hugs.

Lexie bawls. She says Celeste must think she is a coward. Celeste says she's just human like the rest of them. Celeste rationalizes, "That's why I let the DiMeras use me – So I could get my baby back home."

EJ can't wait to meet the lovely Anna. Tony says, "You should be more concerned with your future – when I am in charge of the family."

Stefano walks in. He overhears Tony's remark and chuckles. EJ asks what is in the letters. Stefano wants Elvis to find out why Anna is at the pub. EJ leaves to do his father's bidding.

Tony asks if it's smart to send EJ. Stefano asks if Tony is questioning his judgment, "EJ will either prove himself worthy or disappoint me." Stefano cuts an orange, "If he disappoints me, it will be his loss."

Lexie thanks Celeste for saving her from making yet another terrible mistake. Dr. Berger comes back in. She says Abe is resting and his fever has gone down. Lexie asks to see him.

Lucas declares the conversation over. No so fast, buckaroo, Sami has more to say.

Before they can get into anything more, EJ walks into the pub. Roman introduces him to Anna. "Charmed," says EJ, "My friends call me EJ."

"What friends," asks Sami.

EJ says, "For once my loyalties are evenly split between the DiMeras and the Bradys."

Dr. Berger warns Lexie Abe is sedated, and leaves. Celeste smiles. She is so proud of Lexie. She comes form a dastardly family but has a good heart. She thinks Lexie deserves a reward. Celeste opens the door. Theo, who has been aimlessly wandering the halls of the hospital unsupervised, comes in.

Tony is pleased Stefano realizes how weak EJ is. "He isn't the first man to be distracted by a beautiful woman," says Stefano. He is sure EJ will come around. If he chooses Samantha over Stefano he will learn Stefano can have contempt for that which he holds dear.

Patch interrupts, "Hey," he says, "Just like old times, isn't it? Patch mocks being electrocuted, "Bzzzzzzzzzt." He chuckles and taunts.

EJ says he is prepared to cover for Anna and tell them she is there for innocent reasons. Anna says, "When Tony sees me he'll be so hot to get his hands on the letters, and me he'll play."

Bo wants EJ to get rid of Tony so they can reason with Stefano and put and end to the feud. "It's time for you to put up or shut up," says Sami.

The mother and child reunion continues at the hospital. Lexie promises never to go away again. Theo seems pretty happy in spite of that.

EJ says he will call Stefano and tell him Anna is there to reconnect with her family. Lucas says he's going home to pack. Sami stops him and tells Roman they have to go to the hospital and then she wants him to put her in a safe house. Lucas thanks her. She says she doesn't want to lose him. Smooches. EJ stares.

Patch helps himself to a drink.

"You have the manners of an ape," says Tony.

Patch says, "Maybe you should have worked on that when you had your people tinkering with my gray matter."

Stefano suggests Tony take out the garbage. Patch reminds Stefano, "Without me, you wouldn't have the pre-owned kidney. Kayla thinks I'm back to being my old self, but I'm not. I found Anna at the pub planning a recon mission. Maybe she'll deliver some letters but the Brady's are putting someone on the inside." Stefano tells him he did good. He offers him a cigar and tells him he will join him on the balcony.

Steve leaves. "So," says Tony, "Anna has fallen in with the Bradys."

"Not shocking, is it," asks Stefano.

Elvis calls. He says Anna is just having a friendly visit. It's a family party, "Tony has nothing to fear form Anna. She's just passing through."

Stefano tells EJ he did well. He hangs up and says to Tony, "Contrary to what Steve said, Anna is here for social reasons."

"You believe him," asks Tony.

Stefano says, "Your brother has disappointed me more than you." He says he wants to rest and leaves it to Tony to handle the pest in the garden. Tony says he will take care of Anna too. Stefano leaves. Tony lifts his glass and toasts, "To the former prince. May he soon rest in peace."


Sami says to Marlena, if I don't prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that EJ isn't the father, I'm afraid I'm gonna lose Lucas.

Lucas and Billie sit in the pub. Lucas says, "There's nothing natural about that SOB raping my wife, all right? And now I have to raise his baby – no thank you."

Stephanie says, "You want Jett Carver. You want him bad." Chelsea licks her chops.

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