Monday, April 30, 2007

More Holes Than The Grand Canyon

Stephanie meets Kayla at the Hobo residence. Stephanie wants to know why Uncle Bo wants to meet. Kayla says, "He wants to work out a new strategy. It's time to pull out all the stops and do something sensible and legal."

"Wow," says Stephanie, "I guess we really are at the bottom of the barrel. " They bicker about who loves Steve and how to handle him and how he needs to straighten up and fly right and all that well-worn jazz.

Stephanie thinks Kayla doesn't get it, "What if you're wrong about Papa? What if he really is crazy, and you're just too afraid to admit it?"

Nick meets Willow in jail. She brings him up to date on her charges, "Hope is blackmailing me. Hope and Bo are trying to steal my baby."

Sami rests in her hospital bed. She wakes up and sees Lucas there. Lucas asks if she is hungry. Heck yes. She's hungry enough to eat the dead horse they keep beating on this show. She decides wants a triple-decker turkey club, but changes her mind and just orders fruit and cheese because it's better for the baby. Besides, Lucas is there and one turkey in the room is enough. Lucas will go for it and set up a picnic area in the room when he returns. He leaves. Sami closes her eyes and lays back. EJ sneaks into the room wearing scrubs and a mask. He checks out his hypodermic needle.

Stephanie plugs her iPod into her ears so she can avoid the little dust-up she and Kayla are about to have. Kayla wants to know what she is doing. She tells her she's listening to music while they are waiting, "I didn't sign up for this kind of abuse." Kayla snatches the iPod and slings it, "If we don't help him we could lose him."

"News flash," says Stephanie, "We already did."

"We can make a miracle happen together as a family," says Kayla.

Stephanie whines and stomps and holds her breath, "I refuse to put my life into park and wait for him to get better. If you are smart, that's what you will do, too." Looks like there is more than one brat in the Brady family.

Nick wonders if Hope's offer isn't Willow's best option. She reminds him the hairbrush, which she doesn't have is her best option. She wants a second chance to start over. She's used to people walking out on her, though, and won't be surprised if Nick does that, "But you can tell your cousin Hope I will never turn my back on this baby."

Sami is woozy. She thinks it's Lucas standing there, "Back so soon?" EJ covers her mouth, "What? Don't you recognize me without the smell of gasoline to tickle your pretty little nose?" Sami freaks. EJ tells her he will let go, if she promises not to scream so they can discuss this like adults.

Sami agrees. EJ removes his hand and Sami goes into full panic-mode. She says it was all Celeste's idea. She swears she didn't set the cabin on fire. She says she couldn't do it because of their kiss.

"You have all the sincerity of a greeting card," says EJ, "Let's say I believe you. If what you say is true, it's open season on all the innocents in the world."

"We are hardly innocents," says Sami, "Believe me, I am so bored with Lucas I can hardly look him in the eye. The truth is I do want you and no matter what happened I know you still want me." She takes his hand. EJ gives that thousand-yard stare.

"The baby knows my voice already," says Willow.

A voice from the womb says, "Yeah, and I'm already tired of it."

She tells Nick love changes people. She saw what it did for him. He fell in love with Chelsea and turned from Boy Scout to thief. Willow thinks she is cornered and Nick put her there, "Are you man enough to get me out?"

The insanity that is Kayla and Stephanie continues. Kayla says, "He is living at rock bottom."

"He isn't the only one," says Stephanie, "You have to let go."

"You think sometimes I don't want to run," asks Kayla. But she reminds her of those pesky little wedding vows, "We promised to stick together for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, terrible plots and inane dialogue. Someday you will need him and regret you didn't see this through."

The screeching sound you hear is Stephanie doing the quickest one-eighty in sap-opera history. It's all better now. She will stick it out a little longer. OMG, what a trooper! She's sorry for the attitude. Kayla is sorry for the guilt. The love just oozes from the couch they are sitting on. If things were any better Kayla might even offer to buy her a new iPod.

Roman arrives, with donuts. Double chocolate. Stephanie immediately scarfs one down.

Sami says she didn't want EJ to die. But EJ noticed she walked away from him. Sami does what any loyal friend would do and blames it all on Celeste. She tells him Lucas will be back soon and promises to call him the minute they let her out of the hospital. EJ doesn't buy that. He wants her to lie there quietly like a good little girl and know how it felt when his death was at hand. He pulls out his handy dandy hypodermic needle and holds it in front of her face. Sami asks, "What's that?"

EJ says, "This is the final act in our little play." Sami trembles.

Roman says he talked to the judge about Patch and he won't budge. Kayla thinks they have to get creative to get Steve out. She wants to break him out of there somehow.

"No," says Roman, "Bo and I can't do that." Kayla says she can. Roman resists. Stephanie volunteers to jump in and help.

Nick doesn't appreciate Willow's tone. He denies he ever said he stole the brush. Willow says Nick is all she has, "Who else do I have? Big Betty the bitch-ho in the cell who thinks I look cute in orange?"

Nick changes the subject and tells her he and Chelsea broke up, "I had a bratectomy."

Sami begs. She tells EJ he doesn't want to kill their baby. EJ says he would have given her more than she could have imagined, "All you get from me now is the afterlife." He jams the needle into her IV, "You have two minutes to enjoy the rest of your time on earth. Perhaps we should change the name of the show to "Seconds Of Our Lives. " Sami grabs the tubes attached to her arms and yanks for dear life.

"Ironic," says EJ, "You left me to burn, and now you will spend eternity burning in hell." EJ leaves. Sami screams like there is no tomorrow. Perhaps there isn't.

Kayla vetoes Stephanie's offer to volunteer. Roman backs her up. The screeching sound you hear is Stephanie doing another one-eighty. The bed of roses we were just laying in has turned to thorns. Stephanie throws a fit, "Let me know when I am part of this family!" She storms out.

Roman turns to Kayla, "It's either a sugar high from the donut or she forgot to take her meds again." Roman and Kayla discuss the little head case. Roman thinks someone on the inside makes sense. They try to figure out who could go in but not be recognized. Roman runs thorough the short-list, "Jack can't get back in time. There's Max. He's strong and really smart, but I don't think they would allow a dog inside a mental hospital."

Kayla suggests Adrienne. Roman wonders if she would be willing to do it. Kayla says there is only one way to find out. She picks up her phone and makes the call.

Willow says she is sorry Chelsea dumped Nick. She thinks Chelsea is crazy to give him up. Willow finally decides to get to the point, "How badly do you want to know why I asked you here?"

Sami screams like a banshee and half of the staff of Salem Hospital rushes into her room. Lucas follows. Sami is totally unhinged, "I HAVE BEEN POISONED! GET THESE TUBES OUT OF MY ARM! HE WAS HERE! HE POISONED ME!" Dr. Lucas directs the medical staff. He tells them to pull the tubes. He wonders if Sami didn't dream this, though. Sami keeps it up, "HE WAS HERE! HE POISONED ME! I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME!" Since she's about to die, Sami decides she'd better leave some final thoughts, "Lucas, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. Tell Will I love him. And I guess you don't have to tape Dancing with the Stars for me tonight."

The nurse removes Sami's tube. "OMG," says Sami, "The room is spinning! I'm dying!"

Lucas says the Sami's monitors are fine. Sami thinks she only has a couple seconds left, "I love you Lucas. I thought it was going to be different this time. But your mom is right about me. I ruined everything. After I am gone please know I loved you all the time." She blacks out.

Lucas screams, "SAMI!"

Willow asks Nick to post her bail. Nick says he doesn't have that kind of money. She begs. He claims he isn't a hero. "You're my hero," says Willow.

"Sorry," says Nick, "But I already have a full time job."

"When heroes make a mistake they do everything they can to make it right," says Willow.

Sami stands at the gates of hell, ready to cross the river Styx for eternity. At the last second, she remembers she hasn't seen today's episode of DOOL, so she can't die just yet. She opens her eyes in the hospital room and asks, "I'm not dead?" The staff and Lucas assure her she is alive and well. "Maybe this just means EJ's poison will take longer to kick in," says Sami.

Lucas thinks it was a nightmare. Sami insists it wasn't. Lucas tells her no one was in her room. Sami wonders why he doesn't believe her.

Lucas blames it on her pregnancy and hormones. Sami insists she knows shat she saw. It was EJ. Lucas thinks the important thing is she is OK. Sami wonders why EJ would come in and make her think he was trying to kill her, "I'm sorry my attempted murder is giving you a brain cramp." Lucas wants to know what she did to make EJ want to kill her.

Kayla tells Roman Adrienne is on her way. "I think we need a backup plan," says Roman.

"Don't you need a plan before you can have a backup plan," asks Kayla. "Maybe I can lean on the judge again," says Roman, "That worked so well the first time."

All of Roman's planning is interrupted by Bonienne showing up at the door, "Tell me what I can do to help."

Nick says Bo and Hope are his family. He's in a tough spot. "Wanna trade places," asks Willow. Nick says she has to find someone else to help her. "Oh, I know," says Willow, "I'll call Shawn, wherever he is and have him float me some early child support. I almost got through to you, Nicky. I know it."

That screeching sound you hear... Nick says, "Listen, I gotta check to see how much money I have. If I have enough, how would I make the arrangements?"

Willow says, "Call the court and ask for Tim Norris. He'll know how to handle bail. I owe you big time. I will not forget this. I don't know how I can thank you."

"I do," says Nick.

Kayla brings Adrienne up to date on Patch's situation. They tell her about Kayla's plan to break in and the fact that EJ is involved. They let her know Steve has had shock therapy. Kayla tells her she could be putting her life on the line.

Lucas presses. Sami tells him he is right – It must have been a dream. Lucas is skeptical, "Let's say I buy that..."

"I'm telling you," snorts Sami, "You convinced me."

"You're trying hard not to talk about EJ," says Lucas, "I'm trying to piece things together – all this stuff about you and me and EJ." Sami tells him there is no such thing as her and him and EJ. EJ isn't a part of their lives. Lucas wonders why every time he brings up EJ she changes the subject, "Your stories have more holes than the Grand Canyon. Do you love me? I love you and I don't want to grill you like this. I wanna trust you. Tell me what's really going on. Tell me the truth right now."

Nick has one condition, "Keep this between us. I can't have my family finding out."

"Your family or Chelsea," asks Willow, "OK. I can keep a secret." She kisses her fingers and holds them up to the glass, "This is the best I can do... for now."

Adrienne asks, "What do I do to get arrested and put into the hospital for the criminally insane.

"Just act normally and let things take their course," says Roman, "You will be wired. You need to act fast once you are in there. I'll have people prepared the second you are ready to go. This could be dangerous. If you don't wanna do it we will understand."

Adrienne thinks there are no options, "I'll do whatever it takes to get my brother out of that place."

Lucas doesn’t think Sami is being honest. She thinks that means he is calling her a liar. Lucas doesn't want to play word games. Sami insists she was just scared and now he is letting EJ make him doubt her. They go around in circles. Sami wants the wedding. Lucas has memorized the vows, "It took me forever, but I can now say 'I do' without looking at my notes. The vows are based on love and honesty. That's sacred, so tell me what is going on. I'll understand. I won't get mad. Don't be afraid of the truth."

EJ comes into the room with flowers. He's glad Sami's doing better. Lucas tells him to get out. EJ says, "This is Samantha's room. If she wants me to leave I will leave. What about it, Samantha?" Sami contemplates. FF.


Abby says to Chelsea, "Nick is gonna turn that hairbrush in. He's gonna tell the police the whole story and your sorry butt is gonna go to jail."

Celeste gasps, "Oh, dear God!" Kate comes out of hiding, "That's right. I discovered Sami's dirty little secret, dahling. See you at the wedding!"

Sami says, "EJ, I can't take this any more. If you're going to kill me just do it and get it over with."

Max the dog walks down the street and sniffs at every fire hydrant in his path. Max the race driver walks down the street and likewise checks out every woman in his path.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Incredible Demonstration

We had a question the other day after EJ planted the gas can in Sami and Lucas' hotel room. The reader simply wanted to know how EJ could have found out where Sami and Lucas were. We did not fully answer the question, but promised to cover it in today's special edition of Prevuze.

In this day and age of pervasive technology, anybody's cell phone, on or off, is the culprit. Rather than go through a dry dissertation on how this technology works, we will direct you to a website that will give you a live demonstration which should chill you to the bone.

First, some ground rules. The demonstration works if your cell phone is on, but it is more effective if you turn it off. Secondly, you may be concerned about privacy issues on the website we are directing you to. If that is the case, please read the privacy statement before you proceed. Rest assured, however, this site will not compromise your privacy. The site does not retain any personal information.

Once you are comfortable this site is legitimate and not harmful, enter your cell phone number in the space provided and press the button labeled "Start Searching." One final warning: As you watch this website do it's processing, hold firmly onto your socks, because they are about to be knocked off.


As always, we hope you have a great weekend.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Meddling Bitch!

Shawn counts money and says they need to get a boat. Duck tells him he doesn't have enough to rent a kayak. Duck also says he can't help him with a loan. Shawn swears his dad will repay it if Duck helps. Duck doesn't believe that and says the fishing boats have gone for the day, "What is your damn hurry, anyway?"

Shawn says, "If we don't get off this island now, we could lose our daughter." Claire eavesdrops and prays for an extended stay.

Back in the room, Belle assures the little eavesdropper things will be OK. She hustles around the room throwing things into a travel bag. Someone knocks at the door. Belle opens it. PHILLIP!

The guards bring Willow into the visitation area to see Hope. Willow wants to know why Hope is really there. Hope tells her it's because Willow is having her son's baby. Willow suggests Hope maybe could post bail and drop charges if she's so concerned about Shawn's kid.

EJ is sprawled out unconscious on the toilet in the bathroom stall – not an inappropriate place for the steaming pant-load. Sami opens the stall door.

SCREAM! Lucas heads for the women's room. He bumps into Sami as she comes running out. Sami screams, "I SAW HIM! I SAW HIM!"

Hope says she can't drop the charges or bail Willow out. Willow denies she did anything and says she doesn't belong in there. Hope doesn't believe the jewels were planted. Willow nukes and says she is done with this conversation. She gets up to leave. Hope calls her back, "The audience hasn't suffered enough yet.".

"SURPRISE," says Phillip, "I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time."

"It's always is a bad time when you show up," says Belle. Belle tells him she won't let him take Claire. Phillip argues. Belle reminds him Claire is Shawn's biological child.

"DNA isn't everything," says Phillip. He tells her he can give Claire everything. He can't believe keeping Claire away from him and staying on Tinda Lao is what Belle really wants.

Belle stands at a table with a piping hot cup of coffee sitting on it. She picks it up, whirls around and chucks it into Phillip's face – the new one. The hot brew knocks Phillip off his feet, uh foot, and he reels backward as Belle scoops up Claire and runs out. Phillip rages, "DAMMIT, BELLE! You know I take it with cream."

Shawn gives Duck his word that his dad will repay the loan. Duck was born at night, but it wasn't last night. He advises Shawn to stop running. Shawn claims he wouldn't suggest he do that if he knew the dastardly, evil Phillip. Duck says all he really knows about Phillip is he fought for his country.

Belle rushes in carrying Claire and panicking. Shawn asks, "What happened?"

Phillip runs in and says, "I happened, you SOB."

Sami tells Lucas there was a creep standing in one of the stalls. She can't describe him. Lucas goes to check it out. Maggie tags along.

Kate asks Sami if she is OK, "You look a little green around the gills. I think that's carrying this green wedding thing a little too far." Kate sits her down. Sami huffs.

Lucas sneaks around the bathroom and picks up Sami's purse. The room is empty. Maggie says she didn't see anyone leave.

Quick-change artist EJ strolls into the hotel all decked out in his suit.

Celeste opens the door, "Where have you been?"

"I had business," says EJ.

"What about our business," asks Celeste, "I've done everything you asked."

"Yes," says EJ, "It all went perfectly, thanks to you."

Maggie wonders if Sami imagined it. Lucas doesn't know.

Kate brings Sami water. Sami says nothing is helping. She thinks she just needs a minute to collect herself. Lucas comes back and tells her they saw no one in the restroom. He suggests reporting this to the police. Sami refuses. She stands up and says she wants to go home. She starts to walk out and DOWN GOES SAMI. Lucas catches her and takes charge, "Wake up! Wake up, Sami."

EJ tells Celeste he is just getting warmed up. Celeste wonders why EJ must torment Sami like this. He thanks Celeste for the lip balm. It protected him from the poison lipstick. Celeste says she did as he asked. Now it's time for him to hold up his end of the bargain, "Where is my daughter Alexandra?"

Duck tells Shawn to back off. Gabby comes in and sees the ruckus. She tells Duck to call he police. Phillip says he already did. Gabby says when the sheriff gets there they will have Phillip arrested for trespassing. Phillip doesn't think so. He shows them the court order, "Shawn and Belle are wanted for kidnapping Claire and impersonating adults."

Hope doesn't want the baby born in jail or taken by CPS, "There is another option, though."

Willow asks, "What is the option?"

Hope says, "Sign over your parental rights to Bo and me."

Willow can't believe it. She accuses Hope of being worse than Phillip – wanting to take a kid from its mother. Hope says she doesn't want a child custody battle. She was hoping Willow would cooperate. She would still have a place in her child's life, and the child would have a good home.

Willow yells, "With the two people who railroaded me? Take your phony concern and get the hell out!"

Phillip runs through a litany of the kiddie corps' crimes. Shawn claims Phillip forced them to go on the run. Phillip pulls out the custody order and shows it to the sheriff. The sheriff looks it over, looks up and says, "You won't like what I have to say."

EJ is so satisfied about the way today turned out. Celeste asks what is satisfying about being soaked in gas and nearly burned. "You have no sense of romance," says EJ, "Sami obviously has feelings for me." Quick! Somebody call Hallmark! There's a great idea for a new card, "I love you so much I didn't burn you to death today."

Lucas carries Sami out of the restaurant.

Celeste tells EJ he is truly sick, "She was ready to murder you."

"But she didn't," says EJ, "Because she couldn't."

Celeste thinks that was a ridiculous test. EJ says he couldn't plan a future with the mother of his child until he knew he could trust her, "She couldn't go through with it because she couldn’t find it in her heart. That makes what I have to do even more difficult."

Kate sneaks around in the restroom. She finds EJ's business card, "What do you know?"

Hope says all the evidence points to Willow. Willow says that gives Hope no right to take the baby. Hope says it's Shawn's baby, too. She tells Willow to stop using the baby as leverage and start acting like a mother. Willow doesn't see what she is doing as using the baby. She sees it as survival.

Hope tells her she will go to the courts and petition for custody.

The sheriff says Shawn doesn't have to turn Claire over, "There is no extradition treaty with the US on Tinda Lao." The sheriff leaves. Claire phones her senator.

Shawn tells Phillip to go home. Phillip says he isn't leaving without Claire. He goes over to Duck and pulls out his American Express card, "Daddy's money – don't leave home without it. I'd like to rent a room, please."

Dr. Jacobs says the baby is OK, but Sami's BP has gone trough the roof, "She could wind up bedridden for the entire pregnancy." Lucas asks if he can take Sami home. "What part of 'bedridden for the entire pregnancy' confuses you," asks Dr. Jacobs, "There is an audiologist on the second floor."

Sami calls Celeste and leaves a voice message. Kate walks into Sami's room. Sami hangs up and tells her she shouldn't be there. Kate shows Sami EJ's business card, "Looks like EJ was the man in the ladies room with you, wasn't he?"

EJ won't tell Celeste where Lexie is. Celeste attacks him. He grabs her and tells her to calm down. He says he will tell after the wedding. He needs insurance she won't wake up and decide to be some kind of hero.

Kate wonders why Sami didn't tell anyone it was EJ in the restroom. Sami says, "Whoever it was took me by surprise. I don't care what you believe, I know what I didn't see. Kate thinks Sami is endangering the baby. Sami says that is what Kate is doing by being there. Kate thinks something strange is going on. She thinks Lucas was in the hotel room out cold while Sami was out cavorting with EJ. Kate asks when and how the fire started.

Sami breaks down, "You meddling bitch! Leave me alone!"

Hope works on Willow. She wonders if Willow doesn't want better for her child than she had. Willow insists she doesn't belong in jail, "Chelsea did it, and I am not changing my mind."

"Bo and I will see you in court," says Hope. She walks out.

Gabby tells Duck he can't let Phillip stay there. Duck says Phillip offered triple the rate. Gabby can't believe it. She thinks Duck is just being greedy. Duck says he is trying to keep a roof over their heads.

Phillip tells Duck Titan will wire the money, and he'll give him a big cash advance.

Belle takes Phillip aside. He tells her he will be watching them. Eventually, he will have his chance. He will take Claire and Belle will never see her again.

Belle slaps him with all the force of a butterfly landing on a screen in a soft summer breeze, "I hate you. I hate what you have become – A bionic pain in the butt. You will never get your hands on my daughter." She can't believe she ever loved him.

"You didn't, Belle," says Phillip, "We both know that.

"What ever happened to that person I married," asks Belle.

"He's still here," says Phillip, "Well, ¾ of him, anyway." Phillip walks over to the bar and gives Duck some cash to secure the room. Phillip and Duck bond because they were both soldiers. Phillip tells him he had two tours and plans to keep going back until the body parts run out.

Belle tells him he re-enlisted because he was running from something. Everyone agrees, Belle is definitely worth running from.

Duck tells Phillip to stop by and swap a few war stories. Phillip says he would like that.

Celeste says, "If it weren't for Alexandra I would have lit the fire myself and roasted marshmallows over your flaming corpse. Sami's child could be yours and every time you send her through hell you put her pregnancy in jeopardy. What kind of father does that?"

Sami refuses to be interrogated. Kate insists something went on in the hotel room. She wants to know what EJ is holding over her. Sami nukes. The graphs on her machines look like the Pyrenees Mountains and they play a symphony of beeps and sirens. Lucas walks in and tosses Kate into the hallway so hard she bounces twice. Sami bawls.

Maggie finds Hope at Chez Rouge. Hope tells her about the visit with Willow. Maggie advises Hope. She says Hope should be concerned. She shouldn't let Willow manipulate her, "You've got to fight this thing in court. I wish I knew a good lawyer. Willow is right where she needs to be."

The guard tells Willow to make it quick. Willow says she just needs to speak with her "doctor" for a few minutes. The guard leaves and Willow dials, "Nick, it's me. I need you to come down here right away. It's a matter of life and death."

Belle and Shawn stand outside the door to their room. Claire fusses. Belle wonders what they are going to do. Shawn only knows Phillip won't get Claire.

"Hey neighbors," says Mr. Rogers, "I'm just here to say goodnight to Claire. And you can forget sneaking out. I will be watching you."

PrevuzeLucas tells Sami to think nothing but good thoughts. He tells her to close her eyes. He takes a jewelry box out of his pocket and says, "When we are at the altar I will promise to love, honor and cherish you for all the Days Of Our Lives." He slips a diamond ring on her finger, "Open your eyes."

Sami opens her eyes and sees Plymouth Rock, "OMG! Lucas!" Lucas says their green theme inspired him to buy this one. "Tacori," gasps Sami, "When they mine their diamonds they ravage the earth in an environmentally friendly way."

EJ tells Celeste, "Shut up if you want to see your daughter."

"How do I know I can trust you," asks Celeste.

"You don't," says EJ, "At least that puts us on even ground. Bye-bye." He gets into the elevator.

Celeste makes a call, "Hello, Sami, it is me. I'm sorry, but I wasn't able to get in touch with EJ. He has disappeared. Kate pokes her head out of a doorway and watches.


Stephanie asks Kayla, "What if you're wrong about papa? What if he really is crazy, and you're just too afraid to admit it?"

Willow tells Nick, "So you can tell your cousin Hope I will never turn my back on this baby."

Kayla says, "I have to warn you, Adrienne, If you decide to help Steve, you'll put your life on the line." Bonnienne says, "I'll do whatever it takes to get my brother out of that place."

EJ holds a hypo the size of Tinda Lao in front of Sami and says, "This is the final act in our little play."

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Queen Of The Gene Pool

Shawn and Belle smooch in bed. "Was it good for you," asks Shawn.

"I wouldn't exactly call it a barn-burner," says Belle, "How about you?"

"It wasn't as good as last time," says Shawn, "Sex with you is definitely better when you can't remember it."

Belle's phone rings. She figures it must be Marlena since she is the only one who knows where they are. Belle obviously hasn't had the opportunity to read the headline in this morning's Salem Inquirer, "SHAWN, BELLE SHACK UP ON TINDA LAO!"

Shawn answers. It's Mommy and Daddy. After some time-wasting small talk, Shawn tells them he's planning to go to Australia, "Belle says they have some great beer bongs there."

Belle corrects him, "No, I said they have billabongs."

The doorbell rings. Bo goes to get it. Hope tells Shawn she wants to talk about Willow.

Bo is with Billie at the door. He doggone-well wants to know who installed her security system in his house.

Lucas is at Chez Rouge talking to Sami on the phone. He promises he won't make any decisions without her. Kate finds him. He tells her he is still angry and doesn't want to see her. Kate says she needs his help, "Myth-Ick is going down the drain, which means you lose everything and so do I."

Lucas says, "Yeah, what would I ever do without that two-bedroom slum apartment I'm living in? "

Sami paces. Celeste arrives. She shows Celeste the coat. Only the coat has turned into a gas can. Sami holds the can and tells Celeste, "EJ left me a calling card. He wanted to make sure I know he is alive and that he is coming to get me."

Belle leaves while Shawn and Hope talk. Claire wanders aimlessly on the beach. Hope tells him Willow is in jail for breaking into their house. Shawn thinks it's his fault for getting involved with Willow, "She's a psycho."

"I know," says Hope, "You seem to have a knack for hooking up with them. But that's not something you should say about the mother of your child."

Shawn tells Hope he already knows Willow is claiming the child is his. She told him that when she and Phillip tracked them down. Shawn thinks Willow is lying. Hope isn't so sure.

Billie has no idea how the system got into Bo's house. Bo thinks she knows who did it. EJ. Billie insists he wouldn't compromise her like that. Bo tells her she's not off the hook. He accuses her of being "in bed" with EJ, "He's a DiMera."

"So is little evil Theo carver," says Billie.

Bo says they can forget all of EJ's other crimes, "But what about what he did to Steve?" A referee steps in and penalizes Bo for a low blow. Billie claims Bo doesn't have any evidence that EJ is involved. Bo nukes, "Stop defending that murderer."

"I am defending him because I don't think he did it," says Billie.

"OK," says Bo, "Then I guess our brother did it – Phillip."

Kate and Lucas argue. Kate says the office is in chaos. The directors need to talk to Lucas. If anyone's an expert on chaos, it's Lucas. Lucas doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't care if Myth-Ick goes under.

Sami tells Celeste EJ didn't die in the fire. Celeste nearly faints, "You should have lit the match when you had a chance!"

Sami demands Celeste help her, "You owe me that."

Lucas thinks this is about the wedding. He insists he never wanted to work for EJ in the first place. Kate reminds him his employment record isn't so hot and he might have trouble finding another job if Myth-Ick goes under. Lucas is sick of her trying to camouflage the real reason she's here. He thinks it's all about Sami.

Sami wants Celeste to use her "in" with the DiMeras. She says Celeste put her up to this. Celeste says it's too late to put back what has been done. Sami begs her to talk to EJ, "Tell him I couldn't toss the match into the gasoline. I will do anything if he will just leave me alone."

"You don't know what you are saying," says Celeste, "He has made it clear he won't walk away from you." Sami begs.

Shawn reminds Hope what Willow did for a living. He says the kid could be anybody's. Hope says there is a good chance it is his. Shawn thinks Willow is trying to squeeze money out of her and Bo, "OMG! She has already done that, hasn't she?" Hope tells him she is paying for her medical care, but nothing else. Shawn says, "I don't believe it's my kid."

"Phillip does," says Hope.

Billie tells Bo to drop his accusations against EJ. She tells him Phillip called her about installing the system at Titan and asking questions. She gave him a follow up call and Victor told her he is out of the country. Bo panics. He thinks that means Phillip is after Shawn.

"But the good news," says Billie, "is every time he leaves the country, less of him comes back."

Celeste wishes she could help, but thinks EJ wouldn't see her even if she tried. Sami says, "You don't want me to end up like Lexie, do you? Unless that was your plan all along."

"No mon cherie."

"No thanks," says Sami, "The sherry here is too expensive. But you are my last chance."

"You have an alternative," says Celeste, "You could tell Lucas the truth."

"Are you out of your mind," asks Sami.

"Yes," says Celeste, "But that's irrelevant."

Bo tells Billie he had the house swept and they found it was bugged, "The Salem cops didn't find anything, so we called the FBI. They have more sensitive equipment. Plus they know what they are doing. Give Kate a message. If Phillip goes near Shawn I will hold her and you responsible."

Shawn says he knows Phillip and Willow are using each other. Hope says Phillip is giving Willow money. Willow has something Phillip wants, and the only thing that could be is the knowledge the baby is Shawn's. Shawn realizes it must be true. The baby must be his.

He decides his only strategy is to trash himself. He tells Hope he can't do anything right, "I married Mimi when I was in love with Belle and caught a hooker on the rebound from that."

That may not be all you caught," says Hope, "Do they have penicillin on Tinda Lao?

"Now I'm stuck in the South Pacific on the run and have another kid I can't see," says Shawn.

Bo rushes into the room and grabs the phone from Hope. He tells Shawn to get off the island right now.

Kate says, "My whole life is circling down the drain and all you can do is talk about Sami." She swears she won't try to stop the wedding, "Sami will ruin it herself. I want you to find EJ." Lucas don' wanna. He disowns her.

"You can't do that," says Kate, "You did that yesterday. It will ruin your schedule."

Billie arrives. She tells them somebody bugged Bo and Hope's house.

That's not news to Kate, "They've been bugging each other for years." Kate says she wouldn't know anything bout that. Billie says Phillip is responsible and she wants to know where he is. Kate huffs.

Celeste claims Lucas will understand. Sami wonders how telling him would change anything. "It will give EJ one less thing to hold over your head," says Celeste.

"It will give Lucas a reason to walk out on me," says Sami, "If I am lucky, EJ will kill me and put me out of my misery."

"You are expecting a child," says Celeste.

"One I may never see grow up," says Sami. She takes the gas can and leaves.

Celeste makes a call, "This is Celeste. I need to see you right away."

Kate says she doesn't know where Phillip is. Billie doesn't believe her. "He's a grownup," says Kate, "He doesn't need to consult me with everything he does."

"None of your kids are really grown up, Mom." Says Lucas. No comment.

Billie thinks Phillip has been spying on Bo and Hope. She thinks he has gone after Shawn and Belle, "What's wrong with this family? Are we all insane?"

"Yes," says Lucas, "Thanks to Mom, the Queen of the gene pool."

Kate insists she has always put her children first. "Yeah," says Lucas, "That's why we are all so happy."

Kate tells Lucas to ask Sami where EJ is – she insists she doesn't know where either he or Phillip are. Billie thinks both EJ and Phillip used Kate. Kate says she wouldn't exactly put it that way.

"No," says Lucas, "Because that would imply you're capable of being wrong."

"You're a fine example, Mom," says Billie, "No wonder we're all so screwed up."

Bo tells Shawn Phillip may be on the way to the island. Shawn passes the news to Belle. He says he will row to another island if he has to. Bo says he will wire money. Shawn refuses – he says he needs to take care of this himself. He will contact them. They hang up.

Bo and Hope try to assure themselves Shawn will be OK. Bo tells her about what Billie said – Phillip is out of the country. Hope wishes Marlena hadn't said anything about Shawn and Belle. Bo says nobody is at fault, "Marlena was just giving us good news. Our kids are safe and alive."

"But for how long," asks Hope.

Billie accuses Kate of knowing EJ was using her. Kate swears she had nothing to do with it, and tosses in a little grenade just for fun, "And perhaps it's time you got over Bo."

Billie explodes, "You think this is about Bo! I am upset because I trusted the wrong people. I got greedy and gave my system to the worst possible bidder. And, yes, I am upset about Bo, too. I have caused him enough trouble in his life and if he loses his grandchild..."

Kate stops her short, "Claire is my grandchild too!" Billie is upset because Kate betrayed her. She thinks they all should leave Myth-Ick. She's going to keep the investment money EJ gave her, though, because she earned it. Hopefully, not the old fashioned way. As she storms off she finishes Kate off, "If you have a problem with me keeping that money, SUE ME!"

"Don't plan on a lot of mother's day presents," says Lucas. Sami shows up. She and Lucas smooch just enough to make Kate lose her appetite. Kate tees off, but Lucas tells Sami to ignore her.

"That's like ignoring the plague," says Sami.

Kate tosses out her old accusations that Sami was with EJ at the cabin.

Sami says Kate knows she was with Lucas. Lucas defends Sami. Kate won't let up. She goes over the phone call where she heard someone call Sami's name. Kate thinks Sami drugged Lucas so she could be with EJ. Sami gets sick and runs to the restroom. Lucas gives Kate ten seconds to leave.

Kate puts her ten seconds to good use, "The longer you let her get away with it, the more likely you'll end up with a knife in your back."

Hope tells Bo Shawn already knew about Willow and the baby. Hope thinks they have to protect his baby for him. Bo will not be convinced it actually is Shawn's kid until they get DNA evidence, and also confirm the kid has the IQ of a retarded housefly. Hope isn't wiling to leave the baby's fate up to a bunch of strangers.

Shawn tells Belle it's not them against the world anymore. He knows they will be OK. They have to leave ASAP. Belle asks about Gabby. Shawn isn't worried about her. Belle says, "Maybe we shouldn't run any more. Let's stay and fight."



Checking source...
Source determined...
Source is Black-Kiriakis, Belle...
Canceling alert...

Reason for cancellation: With Belle, we'll take any logic we can get.

Belle says Australia is one thing. Going to another tiny island scares her. "We aren't going to make the same mistakes as last time," says Shawn, "We'll make different mistakes." He vows to fight Phillip and win. Belle trusts him with their lives. Shawn goes to see if he can find anyone leaving the island and bum a ride. Belle smiles. Why is anybody's guess.

Hope thinks Willow may have some maternal instincts. Bo wonders who else she's conned. Hope reminds him she paid for Jed's college tuition, "At least she showed some heart. I want to talk to her about what is best for the baby."

Bo sees the writing on the wall, "Like us raising it."

He walked right into the trap. Hope finishes him off, "That is a great idea, Bo! How would you feel about that?"

Bo recognizes he's been had, "I don't know that I have much choice. Remember, she's in jail for a reason – because she is dangerous."

Hope smirks, "Yeah. So am I."

Bo says, "Yeah, and I have the bruises to prove it."

Hope turns on the charm. Bo may not be totally convinced about raising the kid, but give her a few minutes.

Meanwhile, in the restroom, Sami cleans up and sobs, "Oh, what am I gonna do?" She turns around and looks at the stall doors as if they have the answer.

Lucas wants Kate to get out. She asks if Lucas is sure the baby is his.

Sami approaches a closed stall. She swings it open. EJ sits there unconscious wearing his charcoal suit. Waitaminute, that's not a suit.


Lucas hears the scream and does what any red-blooded guy would do under the circumstances. He stands there like a bump on a log. FF.


Hope says, "There is another option." Willow asks, "What is the option?" Hope says, "Sign over your parental rights to Bo and me."

Duck asks, "What is your damn hurry, anyway?" Shawn says, "If we don't get off this island now, we could lose our daughter."

Belle says to Phillip, "I hate you. I hate what you have become. You will never get your hands on my daughter."

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Granny Underwear

Hope and Marlena come into Hope's house. Marlena wonders where Bo is. Hope tells her he's investigating a fire outside of town. The old cabin where Lucas was trapped has burned down. No one was inside, but she thinks maybe someone was trying to kill EJ. Silverfish throws a fit. Hope picks her up and bounces her around as they talk. Marlena says she got some news about the kiddie corps. Hope leaves Doodlebug to fend for herself while she drags Marlena outside. She tells her they think the house may be bugged, so it's safer to talk there. Marlena beams, "I had a call from Belle." Inside, what's-her-face has a fit.

Meanwhile, on Tinda Lao, the tedium continues. Shawn swears nothing happened. "I know," says Belle.

"You do," asks Shawn.

"Can I talk now," asks Belle.

"You usually do," says Shawn. Go ahead. Take your best shot."

"No more shots," says Belle, "Just this... I'm sorry."

Bo and the gang stand around the remains of the charred cabin, Bo tells them there was no body found inside. "EJ is like a dead cockroach," says Kayla.

"You leave my kid out of this," says Bo.

Lucas thinks EJ set this whole thing up. Bo wonders what he would have to gain by doing that. Sami looks for the nearest barfitorium. Kayla asks if she is all right. She claims she is OK and asks Lucas to take her back to the hotel.

After they leave, Kayla tells Bo they have to get to Steve before EJ does. Bo says, "We're kinda outta options."

Kayla says, "No! We're gonna bust Steve out of that place."

Belle is practically in heaven. She wallows in the joy of self-deprecation and tells Shawn how this whole thing is her fault. She has made life a living hell for him, "And, if I'm lucky, I'll be able to keep doing that for all the Days Of Our Lives."

"I understand," says Shawn, "You had to go slow with me. I must admit, it has been a little too slow, but I got used to watching those glaciers whiz by."

Belle's personality is a Rubick's cube with no solution. It was all her fault. She has been soooooo terrible and hard to get along with. She chased him into the arms of another woman and that's the last thing she wanted to do, "Most men would have taken a walk a long time ago. But most men have a little more sense than a retarded gnat. I will never doubt you again. And that's a fact." And if you believe that, you probably also believe the sun didn't come up this morning.

Sami and Lucas arrive back at their hotel room.

Lucas mouth is in high gear. He rants about none of this making any sense. He tediously goes through every detail until Sami explodes, "CAN YOU JUST STOP IT? CAN WE JUST NOT TALK ABOUT EJ WELLS FOR ONE MINUTE?"

Bo tries to talk some sense into Kayla. And to think, he could have used that valuable breath he wasted for something constructive. Kayla tells him he's either for her or against her. Bo tries to sort out those options, "What are you gonna do, hire a small army and storm the place?"

No," says Kayla, "I'm gonna do it myself."

Marlena tells Hope Shawn and Belle are on an island in the South Pacific called Tinda Lao. Suddenly, hope hears a sound inside. She rushes in, grabs Millipede and her gun. She rushes over to the steps, hands the gun to Marlena, and points the baby at a guy coming down the steps. The gun wouldn't have scared him but the baby strikes terror. She might go off any minute.

"You're in a Salem cop's house," says Hope.

The guy says, "I'm reaching for a badge." Slowly he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his badge and holds it out so Hope can see it, "And I'm a real cop."

Lucas apologizes for bringing up EJ. He promises they will never talk about him again. As we all roll our eyes, Lucas says he knows how to fix things and runs into the bathroom for oil.

Sami gets a call. Heavy breathing. "Hello? Is someone there?" More heavy breathing. Lucas stands in the bathroom breathing into his cell phone and snickering.

The guy is FBI. Bo asked him to sweep the house for bugs. Aside from the baby, he hasn't found anything yet. Hope remembers Bo telling her about this and apologizes.

"Ever think about a career in law enforcement," asks Mr. FBI.

"No," says Hope, "I'm going to stay with the Salem police force."

Hope brings Marlena up to date on the mystery electricians who came to their house. "When is it going to end," says Marlena.

"Not soon," says Hope, "DOOL has been renewed for another season."

Kayla insists she can break in and rescue Patch. Bo tells her if she tries, they will commit her. "That's just what I want," says Kayla, "Then I can break him out of there."

"This is crazy, desperate and stupid," says Bo, "It sounds like one of my plans."

Bo's phone interrupts the conversation. Hope tells Bo he has to come home right away because Marlena has heard from Shawn and Belle. If Bo doesn't come home right away Tinda Lao will sink or something. Bo hangs up, tells Kayla the news and the joyous duo heads for Bo's house.

Belle is a mess, "Some women can't even get guys to pay child support. I have one who was willing to swim across the ocean for his child."

Claire pipes in, "Yeah, after he threw me in first."

Belle hangs out the window and lays it on thick. Shawn reminds her they are only on the second story and it probably won't kill her if she hurls herself out the window.

Shawn hugs her, "If I ever lost you, I'd lose my reason for living."

"Lose her," chants the audience, "Lose her!"

Sami tells her tormenter to say something. Heavy breathing. "SAY SOMETHING," says Sami. Lucas walks out and Sami hangs up. Lucas, as usual, asks who it was. Sami, NOT as usual, tells him the truth. She says it was heavy breathing. Lucas, her hero, brushes it off.

"I've been thinking," says Lucas, "And, believe me, that was a bold new experience. Now that there will be four of us, maybe we should move out of our apartment." Sami is reluctant, but Lucas assures her they will have the perfect little place and the perfect little family.

The FBI guy hands Bo a baggie full of bugs. He says it was all wired through the computer. Bo just knew it. Billie's security system – EJ must be behind it, and maybe Phillip, too. He thanks the guy and ushers him out.

Hope and Marlena are glad they didn't say anything about Tinda Lao until they got outside. Marlena shows them all where Tinda Lao is on the map. Bo will book a flight right now. Hope tells him to book it for three, "Boll Weevil and I are going."

Sami isn't sure about moving right now. "OK," says Lucas, "We'll wait until after baby Lucas is born." Sami jumps on that. Lucas says he plans to name all his kids after him – like George Forman.

"George Forman named all of his sons Lucas," asks Sami, "What if it's a girl?"

"Lucretia." This is the slap-and-tickle transition in the show. Sami gets him down and Lucas challenges her to an underwear race to the ice machine and back. If Lucas wins, Sami gets to have her way with him. If he wins, he gets a Sami Brady special massage. Sami refuses. Lucas drops his drawers and accuses her of being chicken.

Sami accuses him of being chicken-legged.

William Shakespeare move over. The DOOL writers have just set a new standard in great literature.

Bo and Hope argue about whether Hope can go on the trip. Baby Horsefly throws a fit. Bo and Hope run to her rescue, leaving Kayla and Marlena to drag us once again through the stinking pit of Gehenna.

Bo decides if they all went after Shawn they might as well draw Phillip a map to his location. He will send a cop for him instead, "There is one good thing to come out of all of this. Our son has turned into a man we can be proud of, if we set our standards low enough."

Belle is just beside herself. "I've put up walls between us. Literal walls."

"And I didn't even try to drive through them," says Shawn, "But now nothing will come between us." Belle is soooooo sorry. She is nothing but human trash and has practically wrecked their relationship. Be patient, folks. To Belle, this is foreplay. They take 'dysfunctional' to new levels and Belle finally says, "We're being honest, right? There is something I have to tell you and I'm really afraid it might change everything."

"What's that," asks Shawn.

"I almost had a lucid thought the other day,"
says Belle, "But I also called my mom." Shawn's world collapses as Belle goes into overdrive explaining why she did it, "I needed to talk to someone and she made me realize I have everything to lose and you are this big, strong, loyal Neanderthal... You really hate me, don't you?"

"No Belle, I'm different from the rest of the world," says Shawn, "Life's too short to get mad over a silly little phone call. Besides, I think you're almost ready to jump into bed with me, so right now I'm kind of walking on eggs. If Phillip comes after us, we will deal with it."

Everybody gangs up on poor Kayla. They think her plan to break into a mental institution is bonkers. Go figure.

There stands Lucas in all his glory. He challenges Sami to join in the fun. "This isn't a frat house," says Sami.

"I double dog dare you," says Lucas. Sami squeals and backs off. "What," says Lucas, "You got granny underwear on under there?"

"I do not wear granny underwear," says Sami, "And you know it!"

"Maybe it's time you prove it." Lucas helps her prove it.

Sami gets into it. She strips down and hauls him over to the door, "One... two... three... GO!"

Lucas takes off like a shot. Sami rushes back into the room, slams the door and locks it. Lucas panics, "HONEY – UNCOOL – YOU ARE SOOOOO DISQUALIFIED!" Sami stands inside and giggles.

Shawn and Belle just can't believe it. Belle says, "It feels like I just won the lottery without having a ticket... Or had a thought without having a brain."

"So, uh," Shawn stumbles for words, "Is there anything you want to do?"

"What did you have in mind," says Belle.

"Maybe I could kiss you," says Shawn.

Belle says, "You don't tell a girl you're gonna kiss her. It ruins the moment. It also ruins her ability to blow up at you and say you got the wrong idea."

Shawn sits down to wait for spontaneity. Belle has a better idea, "I was thinking maybe you could help me push the beds together."

Bo wonders what if someone recognizes Kayla. She says she'll get a disguise. Bo thinks if Granger discovers her he will keep her in there and Bo won't be able to do anything. Kayla gets miffed and stomps out.

Phillip works on the electronics and curses his inability to find anything. Suddenly Hope and Marlena appear on the screen. Phillip watches the recording. Hope asks, "Did she say where they are?"

Marlena says, "A place called Tinda Lao."

Phillip smirks, "BINGO!"

Lucas stands outside in his skivvies and orders Sami to open the door. Sami claims it's stuck. She asks him, while he is out there, to bring her a soda. She leaves the chain on the door, opens it and hands him money, "I want a diet soda. And don't forget to bring me change."

"I mean it," says Lucas, "You're going to get a serious spanking when I get in there."

"Promises... promises," says Sami.

Lucas freaks. He tells her he's not kidding. Someone is coming down the hall. He has to get inside. Roone walks by. Lucas says, "Hi. I'm just headed down to the pool."

"Looks like you forgot your swim trunks," says Roone.

Sami opens the door. Lucas rushes in, "I'm gonna kill you. Somebody owes me a massage."

"Well," says Sami, "I think maybe I did see that there is oil in the bathroom." Lucas makes a beeline for the bathroom.

Sami goes over to the bed and pulls down the covers. GASP! She finds a ratty old gasoline soaked suit coat there.

Shawn works with the bed. Belle comes out in her nightie. She sits on the bed and holds her hand out. Shawn sits and kisses her. Belle reels him in for more. Oh, the passion!

Out in the hall Shawn can be heard gasping, "It's been too long! I've forgotten how to do this! Where do I put it? Where do I put it?"

Belle is very frustrated, "You've done this before. Just slide it in, Shawn, but go easy. Don't jam it in."

Shawn says, "I just don't know what I'm doing! I... I can't!"

Belle is understanding, "It's all right. We don't need music. Just leave the CD out of the player and come back to bed."

Sami hides the coat under the bed. Lucas comes out and asks why it smells like gasoline in there. Sami claims she smells nothing. Lucas thinks it must be the heat they are generating. They generate more heat as we pan under the bed to the dreaded coat.

Bo and Hope are happy they at least know where Shawn is and he is safe. Hope wonders what about tomorrow and the next day. Bo promises he will spend every waking moment making sure he can solve Shawn's problem, get Steve and Kayla back together and put EJ away. "You are my hero, baby," says Hope.

"I love you," says Bo, "And you too, Doodlebutt."

Phillip's equipment sits in the quiet, dark room. We pan away from the TV and the desk, where there is a note written on a pad of paper. It says, "Tinda Lao."


Bo says, "She's in jail for a reason – because she is dangerous." Hope smirks, "Yeah. So am I."

Belle says to Shawn, "Maybe we shouldn't run any more. Let's stay and fight."

Kate tells Lucas, "Our company is going down the drain, which means you lose everything and so do I."

Sami holds the coat and tells Celeste, "EJ left me a calling card. He wanted to make sure I know he is alive and that he is coming to get me."

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

EJ Is Toast

Marlena is at John's bedside shaving him and talking about Sami's wedding. John actually wakes up for a moment, but Marlena rambles on and bores him back into a coma. Marlena chatters, "Sami's having a green wedding. You know, back in the day, girls used to get married in their bare feet. Sami could do that and then she'd be barefoot and pregnant." Marlena wishes John could reassure her Belle is coming home soon. She needs him. She doesn't know how long she can go on without him.

Shawn and Gabby can't find hide nor hair of Claire or Belle. Gabby encourages him and says they have to check the caves.

Belle comes back to the room ready for a nap after a long, hard day of scaring the stuffing out of people. First, she has something important to do. She takes out her cell phone and calls the international operator, "The name of the town I want to call is Salem."

Kayla frets about Steve's situation. Bo eats like a hungry marine. He'll worry about Steve after dessert. Stephanie zones out. Bo says he will call Frankie to see what their legal options are with Dr. Granger, "Its probably true Wells has plans for Steve. If not, Steve would be dead."

Stephanie explodes. She tells them both to shut up and stop obsessing about it, "Dad doesn’t want any help. It's all crap!" Man. She comes home with a tattoo, dressed like a hooker and talking like one, too. "Are you willing to wait another sixteen years for him to come back? Are you really that desperate?"

Sami contemplates noting in particular. Lucas comes out and tells her it looks like she will be stuck with the mother-in-law from hell. Sami is used to it by now. She doesn’t care about Kate or anything else right now, "All that matters is we will be together and happy for all the Days Of Our Lives."

Meanwhile, back at the cabin, EJ roasts.

Bo tells Stephanie to stop disrespecting her mom. Stephanie turns up the heat. She and Kayla argue about Steve's motives. Stephanie shouts, "If he told you to jump off a bridge..." Bo stops her short. Kayla insists Patch loves them both.

"What fairly tale are you living in," screams Stephanie, "He has turned his back on us!"

"I couldn't give up on him," says Kayla.

"Maybe you should try," yells Stephanie, "Your life is all about Papa. You give up everything to worry about a stranger who treats you like dirt!"


Stephanie recovers, "I'm not that little girl you used to tell bedtime stores to. My hero is nothing but a crazy man. And my other parent is fading away."

Lucas wonders what Sami has done with his fiancée. Sami says she didn't want Lucas to know how scared she was of not being worthy of his love, "I couldn't believe karma would let me be happy, but I've had a breakthrough. I saw that life and fate are on my side. We will have a truly wonderful future together."

Lucas can't believe Kate's antics with the axe transformed Sami like this. Sami says it happened before the incident with the axe.

"What," asks Lucas, "Did EJ get mowed down by a bus?"

The blood drains form Sami's face, "Why did you say that?"

Marlena rambles on. Her phone rings. Marlena is shocked, but she would recognize that whine anywhere. Belle tells her, "Mom, listen to me, I really need you. You have to get me out of here. I wanna come home."

They trade questions about how everyone is. Belle tells her she is on Tinda Lao. "I'm sick of the tide is rolling in and out and all these drunks."

Marlena says, "The important thing is you are safe... And alive... And as screwed up as ever."

Belle hits her stride. "I don't feel alive," she whines, "I feel abandoned. I didn't realize how much I'd be leaving behind. I have a life in Salem and I want it back."

"How does Shawn feel," asks Marlena.


"Oh, my poor baby," says Marlena, "You've run out of your supply of meds, haven't you?"

Sami wants to talk about something else. She wants to give something back. She wants a green honeymoon, "I want to go to New Orleans to help rebuild homes." Lucas thinks she is amazing.

Kayla and Bo will always be there for Stephanie. Bo tells her it takes self-control for him not to knock some sense into Steve. Stephanie tells them they haven't tried hard enough. They need to practice tough love. If her dad won't cooperate, they have to walk away.

Once again she turns her wrath on Kayla, "I was in Daytona for months and you never came to see me."

"That explains it," says Kayla, "I went to Dayton three times and I never could find you."

"It's not just me you're turning your back on," bawls Stephanie, "It's Grandma Jo and Aunt Kim. You hung up your MD for a man who spits on you." Kayla stops her. She knows she'll never walk away from Patch.

Stephanie has a meltdown, "He can't be farther from us than he already is. I'm done giving him the power to hurt me. As far as I am concerned, my dad is dead."

"Been there, done that," says Kayla.

You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to put one over on Marlena, "It sounds like you and Shawn aren't getting along too well."

"Not so much," says Belle, "I have nobody to blame but myself." Belle sucks herself into the vortex of self-pity, "While I was playing Ice Princess, Shawn found another woman. I think they hooked up last night."

"You think they hooked up," says Marlena, "Belle, when you think... how do I put this... the wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead. I don't think you're being fair to Shawn. You have to straighten things out with him. Claire has one too many fathers already. You have to make things right." John vegetates in the background.

Bo lectures Stephanie. She can't put her mom down like that, "She and your dad got married for better or for worse."

"I know that," says Stephanie, "But there are limits."

"And your mom will decide what those limits are," says Bo.

Stephanie says she wouldn't turn her life over to someone even if she loved that person, "That's not love, it's self destruction." She gets up and storms out of the restaurant.

Lucas and Sami officially decide to go to New Orleans for their honeymoon. That calls for roll in the hay.

Meanwhile, firemen explore the charred remains of the cabin of doom.

Sami and Lucas help put out the fire by using all the oxygen in town.

Belle asks Marlena to pass her info to Bo on the QT. Marlena wants to tell everyone. Belle wants her to keep things quiet. She tells Marlena about her dream about John and his magic coin. Marlena asks about the coin. Belle describes it. Marlena says it sounds like the coin they tossed into the fountain in Italy, "How could you know about that?"

Belle says, "It was in his right hand. Maybe it's still there. Kiss dad for me."

Marlena kisses him and then says goodbye. She looks at John's clenched right hand. Belle hides the cell phone and makes the bed. She takes the baby monitor and leaves the room. Outside, Belle finds a note by Gabby's door.

"Gabs – thanks for last night, Charlie."

Gabby comes up behind her, "I hope you find my mail as interesting as I do."

Sami and Lucas cuddle. Sami wonders if people can store up sex. "You mean like a squirrel stores up nuts for the winter," asks Lucas. She worries about being tired once the baby comes. Lucas thinks they can save some time for themselves. Sami thinks they should get started now. Round 2. Or is it 3?

Bo tells Kayla Stephanie was hurt, angry and confused. Kayla pouts, "The man I love and the daughter I adore are not speaking to me. But I'm not giving up on either of them." Bo says if they can connect Granger to the DiMeras, they will take action against him.

Kayla says, "That could take months. We have to do something now."

Sami and Lucas romp. Lucas phone rings. He looks at the caller ID and sees it is Roman.

"Why is my dad calling you," asks Sami.

"Probably to make sure we're not doing what we're doing," says Lucas.

Bo says, "You are not going to Italy to take on the DiMeras again... unless you take me." His phone rings. He checks his caller ID and sees it's Abe.

Lucas is on the phone, "Are you kidding me! I'll tell her right away."

Bo tells Kayla, "You're not gonna believe this. It's about EJ Wells."

Sami asks Lucas, "What about EJ?"

Lucas asks, "Remember when I made that crack about the bus? The cops and the firefighters found his car next to a cabin that burned to the ground. EJ Wells is dead, however, if I were you, I'd go ahead and send him an invitation to our wedding anyway. Just when I thought this day couldn't get any better... EJ is toast – literally." Lucas gets dressed. He's going up there to make sure EJ is dead.

"EJ is dead," asks Kayla. Bo says once they go through the rubble they will know. He and Kayla head for the cabin.

Sami doesn't want to go. Lucas tries to talk her into it. Lucas goes into the bathroom. Sami stares.

Gabby lectures Belle, "Do you get your kicks by torturing Shawn? How twisted is that?"

Belle asks, "You weren't with Shawn last night, were you?"

"No," says Gabby, "You don't get it do you. He spent the night on the beach. His heart belongs to his daughter and you. And you would rather play silly mind games."

"I have a silly mind," says Belle, "Silly mind games come naturally to me."

Up at the cabin the cops' radios chatter. Bo has Kayla stay back because she's only a girl and would interfere. He'll go in with the firemen and cops who are pros at messing things up. Sami and Lucas come up. Lucas can't believe it's the same cabin he was trapped in.

Marlena goes on and on. She tells John about Belle's dream. She asks John if they are losing him. Marlena looks at his clenched fist, "Could it be?"

Gabby tells Belle Shawn says he has no interest in her. "Was that before or after you kissed him," asks Belle.

Shawn comes up. He runs into the room and checks out Claire. Then, he gives Belle both barrels, "Nice of you to stop by and let us know you are alive. I spent the whole day looking for you and praying you were safe. Where were you?"

"I needed time," whines Belle, "Didn't you read my letter?"

"Ask Gabby," says Shawn.

Belle turns and sees Gabby in the doorway. She walks over and shuts the door in her face, "I don't need any explanation from her. This is about you and me."

Bo goes over the report with the firemen. One of them says, "The victim was EJ Wells."

Marlena takes John's hand, "Oh this is so crazy." She pries open his hand and sees the coin, "GASP! Oh, it's true! You're still here!"

Shawn doesn't want to fight any more, "I just want you to know..."

"I already know," says Belle, "You were right. It's time to lay all our cards out on the table. Personally, I'm playing Old Maid."

Kayla says no matter how evil he was it's hard to feel good about EJ dying. Lucas, on the other hand, is glad EJ is barbequed. Bo comes up and tells them there is no body in the rubble, "If EJ was in there he got out before the place went up in flames." FF Sami.


Kayla says, "We have got to get to Steve first." Bo says, "We're kinda outta options." Kayla says, "No! We're gonna bust Steve out of that place."

Belle says to Shawn, "We're being honest, right? There is something I have to tell you and I'm really afraid it might change everything."

Hope asks, "Did she say where they are?" Marlena says, "A place called Tinda Lao." Phillip watches and says, "BINGO!"

Monday, April 23, 2007

Why Is My Mom In My Bed?

Celeste and Sami head for the hills as the building explodes into flames. Sami screams – she can't let EJ die. She struggles with Celeste and runs back inside. Celeste follows. The flames are too much. They run out coughing. EJ roasts inside.

Kate pounds at the door, but can't get inside Lucas' room. She throws a hissy fit, turns around and finds the fire extinguisher box. She grabs the axe and heads for the door with a demonic Jack Nicholson look on her face, "HEEEERRRRREEEE'S KATIE!"

Katie Roberts took an axe
Hit the door with forty whacks
When the door didn't come undone
She followed up with forty-one...

Shawn knocks at the door to his room. There is no answer and the door is locked. He tries Gabby's room. She comes out. Shawn asks for the passkey. Gabby doesn't have it. If an axe is good enough for Kate, it's good enough for Shawn.

Shawn opens the door and finds the room nearly empty. He panics, "They're gone! Claire's stuff is gone! Belle's stuff is gone! My stuff is... strewn around the room like I always leave it! "

Kayla and Stephanie talk at dinner. Kayla thinks Steve will go through with testifying. Bo joins them. Bo says he will arrest EJ because he is responsible for Steve's beating. Kayla fills him in on the new doctor. It sounds to Bo like Elvis is behind the whole thing. Kayla thinks Patch is so brainwashed that freedom is terrifying to him. They talk about Patch's litany of crimes. But Kayla thinks tonight he chose Stephanie and chose to get better.

Patch writhes strapped down to a bed as electricity zaps all around him. Dr. Granger tells him it's useless to fight. They need him back. Zzzzzaaaaaappppppp! Make that Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Bo doesn't think Steve will go to jail. Kayla tells him about Granger. They all go to spring Steve. Once again, and uneaten, unpaid-for dinner sits on a table at Chez Rouge.

Lizzie Borden keeps it up. Lucas stirs. Roone comes up behind Kate and grabs her arms before she can turn the door into toothpicks. Kate tells him to leave her alone, "I eat people like you for lunch." They both hold onto the axe and struggle. Kate suggests they both let go on the count of three. One... two... three... Kate snatches the axe. She escorts Roone downstairs to talk to the hotel manager.

Sami bawls, "A man is dying in there!" Sirens wail in the background. Sami cries, "Do you think he's suffering?"

Celeste says, "Evil never suffers. It only brings suffering. Like DOOL. Come on! We gotta get out of here. Follow me!" The fire rages.

Kate and Roone come back to the room. Roone can't believe the manager took Kate's side. He lets her in the room. Kate sees Lucas, "OMG! Call 911!" She rushes over to Lucas bedside.

Lucas is dazed, "Sami..."

"No, it's me," says Kate, "Your mom."

Lucas wakes up. He's confused. Nothing new about that. He wonders where Sami is. Kate wants to get him to a hospital. "What for," asks Lucas, "For sleeping?"

"No," says Kate, "Sami did something to you."

Gabby finds a note addressed to Shawn, and gives it to him. She heads downstairs. Shawn reads the note. Fortunately for Shawn, Belle wrote the note so most of the words only have one syllable.

"Dear Shawn, I feel like a coward not doing this in person, but I didn't want another argument. I'm doing this for Claire. The more you gave the more I took. We weren't partners. I started to feel pressure to be with you. Love shouldn't feel like paying a debt, so I got angry. It's time I grew up, so I'm going back to Salem where I can be with my mommy and my daddy and my teddy bear. I'll face whatever comes. You are a wonderful father. I hope you come back soon. We'll miss you. Belle."

Bo, Kayla and Stephanie bust into Steve's room. Steve sits on his bed like a zombie. No, like a statue of a zombie. Bo wants the statement. Nothing. Bo tells Steve he needs to talk, "Tell us what you know on Wells." Silence. More questions. More silence.

Finally, Patch drones, "I don't know what you are talking about."

Shawn surveys the room. He picks up a picture of Belle and Claire. Grab the hankies, folks, "I will not take my love away" plays in the background as Shawn remembers all of the wonderful moments he and Belle have shared on the island. It's a very, very short song.

Gabby comes back. She tells Shawn nobody has seen Belle and Claire. Shawn tells her Belle is headed back home.

The crew tries to get Steve to talk. Steve is clueless. Kayla finds an electrode burn on his forehead, "OMG!" Bo and Kayla head out to find the doctor. Stephanie stays behind. She apologizes for calling him a zombie.

"What's with all the stupid questions," asks the zombie.

"I have one that's not stupid," says Stephanie, "Do you love me?"

Stupefied Steve slurs, "I'm your father."

"Not an answer," snorts Stephanie, "If you do, tell me."

Steve screams, "CRUTIS! My daughter is ready to go!"

Stephanie tells him he has to tell what he knows about EJ, "If you love me, you'll do it."

Patch says, "I guess I don't love you."

Lucas wants to know what's going on, "Why is my mom in my bed? Where is the woman I love?"

Kate asks, "What did bridezilla do to you?" Lucas can't believe this. He asks what is going on. "I thought I was going to enjoy this more," says Kate.

"Enjoy what," asks Lucas. Kate tells him EJ and Sami have run off together.

"Have you been drinking," asks Lucas.

"No," says Kate, "Brandy Mathas. It's an anagram for Sami's name. Sami and EJ have eloped. That little witch is out of your life for good.


Lucas tries to soak it all in. Sami comes out of the bathroom wearing a robe, "Lucas I... what are you doing here, Kate?"

Kayla paces. Granger comes back with Bo. Kayla jumps all over the doctor and accuses him of electrocuting Steve. Dr. Granger goes into some diatribe about Steve's treatment. Bo snatches Steve's medical file from Dr. Granger's hand, "Cut the bull. What caused the burn marks on his forehead? He has been beaten."

"I'm aware of that," says Dr. Granger, "That's why Dr. Kraft was reassigned. There were staff issues. An orderly beat Steve. He was dismissed. I have warned my staff about aggression toward our patients."

Kayla asks about the shock treatments. Granger says they don't do that kind of thing in this venerable institution. Bo wants to know about the burn marks. Granger dodges the question. Kayla insists on being consulted. Granger won't allow that. Kayla threatens to move Steve out of the hospital. Granger says that's not possible. Judge Stern has appointed Dr. Granger to be Steve's medical guardian.

Stephanie works on Steve. She knows he loves them and won't push them away. Steve wants to sleep. He lies down and tells her to go.

Kate says she just talked to EJ. She knows Sami was there but EJ didn't tell her that straight out. Sami wonders what is going on. Kate nukes, "Don't give me your 'innocent' crap, you little tart. I know there was a struggle. I heard it on my phone. I heard a crash!"

Lucas thinks the crash was Kate's martini glass. Kate thinks she put her axe down prematurely. Lucas claims it's his fault for telling Kate where they would be staying. He tells Kate to take her axe and leave.

Sami admits she wanted Lucas out of it, "I guess it worked so well Paula Bunyan couldn't wake you up." She gives Lucas a robe and says she wanted him to sleep, so she put his phone on 'silent.'

Lucas tells Kate to get out. Kate won't leave until Sami explains how she ditched EJ and got back to the hotel room. World War III erupts.

The alarm on Lucas PDA goes off. He checks the reminder and says, "Oh, look, time to disown you again." He escorts Kate to the door and suggests she see a therapist. Kate blocks him from shutting the door. Sami enjoys the show.

Gabby can't figure how Belle left the island. She says they need a plan. "Plans are for wimps," says Shawn. Gabby insists she wants to help him.

Stephanie tells Patch about a girl she met in Ohio. Her dad died when she was two. They talked about growing up with just a mom around. Stephanie acted like she was all about that, but was faking it. She says when she was growing up, it felt like Patch was right there with them. She remembers how she used to imagine he was kissing her goodnight and saying, "Sweet dreams, my little Sweetness."

Patch tells her it's time to grow up. Stephanie says she and her mom won't give up on him.

Bo looks at the court order. Kayla threatens to move in lock stock and barrel, "You and EJ have tortured him for the last time."

Kate refuses to move. Sami tells Lucas to let her in. Lucas lets Kate back in for another round of bickering. Kate asks Sami where EJ is. Lucas intercedes, "He's in Nevada – Las Vegas."

Sami gets sarcastic. She admits it all, "I ran off with EJ after drugging Lucas. We went to Vegas, got married, and then I came back in time to take a shower."

Lucas asks Kate, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?"

"So ridiculous it's probably true," says Kate, "After all, this is DOOL."

Steve thinks Kayla is using Stephanie. Stephanie insists they want him to get better. "You know the friend in Ohio," asks Steve, "The one with the dead father? She's the lucky one."

Dr. Granger tells Kayla he will be restricting visitation. The court order lets him do that. Kayla threatens to get an attorney. Dr. Granger says she can do that, but he thinks that will interfere with his treatment. He says if she returns, he will have them escort her off the premises.

Suddenly, Stephanie comes flying out of Steve's room screaming, "I have to go home." Apparently, whatever Patch has is contagious. Kayla chases her down the hall.

Bo grabs Granger, "Give Elvis J. Wells a message for me. A court order won't keep us outta here."

Shawn blames himself for this mess. He says Gabby trying to kiss him was the best thing that could have happened. It forced him to wake up and know he loved Belle, "She needs to know she is the only one. Well, her and Jan and Mimi and Willow."

Gabby offers to be his personal island guide and help find them. Shawn agrees. He kisses her cheek, "You're gonna make some guy happy someday."

"Story of my life," says Gabby. She goes downstairs. Shawn picks up the picture and stares.

Lucas comes back into the room. He says he sent the ambulance away and refused treatment. Kate softens. She thinks she panicked. She swears Sami is involved with EJ, "She is hard-wired to self destruct and I don't want her to take you down with her. You're my child and..."

"I'm a man," says Lucas.

Kate gives her parting shot, "I will never stop protecting you, especially from the likes of her." She leaves.

"Well," says Sami, "She really knows how to make an exit. Lucas doesn’t want to talk about Kate. He hesitates. He says he has a ringing in his head, "It's almost drowning out the voices I hear all the time." Sami starts to get some medication. Lucas says, "No, I have everything I need right here." He kisses her as Sami flashes back to the fire.

Granger tells Bo he doesn't know EJ Wells. If that's the case, Bo wonders why he is marching to EJ's orders. Bo vows to be back. He slaps Granger in the chest with the stinkin' court order and leaves.

Patch lies in bed and hears someone come into his room, "Kayla, I said I don't want to see you."

Granger says, "Kayla and Stephanie left – defeated. You won't be seeing them for a while. Chin up – you still have us, and from the way you handled the situation it looks like we still have you. FF."



Stephanie tells Kayla, "I'm done giving him the power to hurt me. As far as I am concerned, my dad is dead."

Belle is on the phone with Marlena, "Mom, listen to me I really need you. You have to get me out of here. I wanna come home."

Bo says to Kayla, "You are not going to Italy to take on the DiMeras again... unless you take me."

Lucas tells Sami, "The cops and the firefighters found his car next to a cabin that burned to the ground. EJ Wells is dead."

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Please Consider This

There are a lot of goons out there who see the Internet as the fastest line, direct or indirect, from your wallet into theirs, and they are hitting your elected representatives hard to open that pipeline. The latest group to try to pull a fast one is a bunch of scoundrels known as the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). The RIAA wants to gouge the people who have been providing Internet music in the form of Internet radio and services like Pandora.*

Rather than go through the issue myself, we'll just post an email we received recently and let you be the judge. Let me just say if you like listening to things on the Internet, your days of being able to do that may be numbered if the toothless morons** at the RIAA get their way.

Please consider the following message, and thanks for reading Prevuze.

Hi, it's Tim from Pandora,

I'm writing today to ask for your help. The survival of Pandora and all of Internet radio is in jeopardy because of a recent decision by the Copyright Royalty Board in Washington, DC to almost triple the licensing fees for Internet radio sites like Pandora. The new royalty rates are irrationally high, more than four times what satellite radio pays, and broadcast radio doesn't pay these at all. Left unchanged, these new royalties will kill every Internet radio site, including Pandora.

In response to these new and unfair fees, we have formed the SaveNetRadio Coalition, a group that includes listeners, artists, labels and webcasters. I hope that you will consider joining us.

Please sign our petition urging your Congressional representative to act to save Internet radio: CLICK HERE

Please feel free to forward this link/email to your friends - the more petitioners we can get, the better.

Understand that we are fully supportive of paying royalties to the artists whose music we play, and have done so since our inception. As a former touring musician myself, I'm no stranger to the challenges facing working musicians. The issue we have with the recent ruling is that it puts the cost of streaming far out of the range of ANY webcaster's business potential.

I hope you'll take just a few minutes to sign our petition - it WILL make a difference. As a young industry, we do not have the lobbying power of the RIAA. You, our listeners, are by far our biggest and most influential allies.

As always, and now more than ever, thank you for your support.

-Tim Westergren
(Pandora founder)

Please remember, the RIAA represents the empty suits who run the recording industry, not the artists themselves. As Tim said in his message, this effort fully supports paying royalties to the artists.

*Pandora ( is an interesting and fun website, no matter what your musical taste happens to be. If you haven't discovered it yet, give it a try.

**We apologize to toothless morons everywhere for comparing them to the creeps at the RIAA.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Lady, You Have Lost Your Mind

Yesterday, we left our heroine, Smokin' Sami, standing in the CENTER of a room doused with gasoline with a lit match. The question on everyone's mind is: If Sami is dumb enough to let the town wacko talk her into killing someone, is she also dumb enough to toss that match into the gas-soaked room. The entire world holds its breath to see if Sami is merely another dumb blonde, or if she will reach the pinnacle of stupidity by killing herself and qualifying for the coveted Darwin Award...

Shawn comes into the cabin where Belle languishes reading a magazine. He tells her she can go on her walk and he will watch Claire but moody Belle don' wanna. With that out of the way, Shawn brings up the privacy screen he set up on the boat. He thought it would be easier to sleep in the same room but it's not. Belle wants to know why it always has to come down to sex. Shawn claims it doesn't but he wanted to talk about it since she is talking to others about it – namely Gabby. Belle denies it. "You told Gabby we were a couple," says Shawn, "You told her to stay away from me. In other words, you don't want me but you don't want someone else to have me. Unless I'm wrong about that, too."

"It makes sense in my world," says Belle.

Kayla and Stephanie have arrived at the cuckoo's nest to see Patch. They walk into his room. He's writhing and moaning on his bed. Stephanie walks up to him. Steve moans, "No!"

Stephanie leans down over him and says, "Papa? Papa?" She turns him over and sees his injuries, "OMG! What did they do to you?"

Roman and Abe are at dinner. Roman is thrilled to find out Abe is going in for another corneal transplant. Zack's eyes didn't do the job. Roman will keep the commissioner's seat warm for Abe until he returns. He asks Abe if Celeste had anything to do with this. "She's a formidable woman," says Abe.

Kate rushes up to their table. She needs Roman's help right away. "Kate," says Roman, "We're right in the middle of something here. It's called dinner."

"I know," says Kate, "But Sami's done something terrible, or she's about to. You're the only one who can stop her."

Meanwhile, Sami's right in the middle of something. It's called a gasoline soaked room. She holds the lit match over EJ's unconscious body and tells him she has no choice. HE made her do this. She agonizes over the flame, which burns down to the end and singes her fingers. She lights another and agonizes, "DAMMIT! I CAN'T DO THIS! No matter how sick and twisted you are."

Belle has a hissy-fit. She should have known Shawn would go running to Gabby. Shawn says that's not what he did, but he can't go on like this. Belle thinks he's giving her an ultimatum, "How long do I have before you go running to other women for comfort?"

That's not it," says Shawn, "I want to love you. I'm going to bed." He flops down on his bed. Sans privacy screen.

Kate tells Roman and Abe the saga of her evening. She says Sami has eloped with EJ. Roman can't believe they are getting this kind of hilarious entertainment at dinner and didn't even have to pay a cover charge. Kate tells him to stop patronizing her and goes on to tell him about hearing a woman say Sami's name before the phone went dead. Kate thinks Roman needs to get over there right away, wherever there is. Roman stops chuckling long enough to stand up and say, "You know what I need to do? I need to call you a cab. And in the morning you need to make an appointment with Marlena, because, lady, you have lost your mind."

Sami blows out the match and asks EJ why he has done it to her. she thought they were friends. But he was just out to make his daddy proud, "For that you raped me. You have been torturing me ever since. Lucas loves me and has forgiven me so many times. He doesn't deserve any of this. He is my future and my baby's hope. And I am not gonna let you destroy that future."

She stands up and lights another one, "This is for John and my mother. This is for Steve and Aunt Kayla. This is for..." About a half hour passes while she names everyone in the clan. By this time, I'm surprised the gasoline hasn't all evaporated.. She dangles the match, "I hope you burn in hell. In fact, I think I'll help give you a head start."


Shawn and Belle lie in the dark in their twin beds. Shawn hears a knock at the door, puts on his trousers and gets up to answer it. Gabby stands there and tells him she thinks the GPS is broken. Shawn goes out into the hall with her to help. Belle wakes up and stares that blank stare of hers.

Stephanie frets over what remains of Patch' face, which has the look of fresh meat after it has been through a tenderizer. He assures her he is OK, and doesn't want to talk about it. he wants to hear about her. Kayla goes to get a doctor. Stephanie begs him to let her help, "Please, tell me who did this to you."

"The makeup artist," says Patch.

Abe and Roman are skeptical, to say the least. Roman thinks the closer the wedding gets, the more desperate Kate gets. Suddenly, Kate decides the woman who yelled Sami's name sounded a lot like Celeste. Abe chuckles. Kate nukes, "Something tells me something is seriously wrong here. The two of you can sit here and throw back your martini's and laugh at me or you can get off your condescending butts and help me out!" Roman and Abe choose option A, more martinis.

OK. Now we get the idea. Sami is going to burn EJ alive one match at a time. She blows out another one. Celeste rushes in and wants to know what is taking so long. Sami bawls, "I can't do it! He owns me now. He won."

Belle sleeps. A hand touches her shoulder. Belle looks up to find John. She is sooooo glad to see him. John senses something is wrong, "Let me take a guess – Shawn? Come on. Tell me all about it. Tell me the whole story."

"I'm just really confused," says Belle.

No," says John's apparition, "I’m a busy man. Tell me the parts I don't know."

Belle pours her heart out to him, "Things are just so complicated."

"I understand, [D]Izzy," says John, "To you, a light switch is complicated. It boils down to one simple question, do you trust him?"

Belle's mind reels, "You said it was a simple question."

Shawn fixes the GPS and decides he had better head back. Gabby stops him. She tells him she once had a child. He thinks it's really none of his business, but he can imagine what it's like to lose a child. That's why he and Belle are there – to protect Claire. Gabby says, "Belle thinks because of the baby... I don't know what she thinks." She falls into his arms sobbing. Closer... closer...

Kayla couldn't find a doctor, so they'll just have to settle for her. She brought a first aid kit while Stephanie rails about the lack of care in the under funded state facility.

Kayla starts to tend to him but Patch grabs her arm, "I thought we had a deal." Stephanie wants to know what's going on. Kayla fills her in. Stephanie vows to quit the race team and move back there to take care of her father. "Like hell you are," says Patch, "NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

Roman tells Kate to back off. That's like throwing gasoline onto a fire. Kate goes at them with both barrels, "And you know what Abe, Celeste is involved in this up to her third eye."

"It's not fair," says Abe, "She has three and none of mine work."

Kate suggests Abe call Celeste and ask her. Abe says, "OK. I’m gonna give her a call, if only to shut you up." If only it were that easy.

Sami bawls. She just can't do it. Celeste tells her it's all right. She gets her call from Abe. He asks her if she knows anything about Kate's crackpot idea that Sami ran off with EJ. Celeste says she just happened to speak to Sami not two minutes ago and she's enjoying a romantic evening with Lucas. Abe sneers at Kate.

Celeste hangs up, "Damn that Kate!"

"We have a bigger problem," says Sami, "What are we gonna do about EJ?"

Patch forbids Stephanie to move back to Salem, "I didn't raise a quitter."

Stephanie goes for the throat, "YOU DIDN'T RAISE ME AT ALL! You weren't around when I was little. I'm not gonna lose you again."

"They messed with my head, baby."

"So they can't have done much damage," says Stephanie.

"Did she tell you I tried to choke her," says Patch. Kayla jumps to his defense and tells Stephanie he had a nightmare. Stephanie tells him he has to fight this. Patch claims he fights it all the time. Stephanie says Kayla has filled her in on things, "I know EJ Wells is behind this. What I don't know is why you keep letting him do this."

EJ starts to come to. Sami decides there is only one thing she can do – tell Lucas. He'll probably leave her, but she has no choice. Celeste and Sami start to leave, but EJ slurs, "Samantha... Samantha..."

Roman says it's time for Kate to leave before he is forced to escort her out himself. Kate gives him a parting shot, "Something tells me you will live to regret this, Roman." She leaves.

John tells Belle, "You've been through so much you're afraid to trust anyone. In some circles, they call that paranoia. John vows to fight his way back to the people he loves. Sap literally oozes out of the walls as John talks about the way he and Marlena got back together and threw the coin into the fountain. He produces the coin. Every time he looks at it he has the strength to carry on. Belle wishes she had a coin like that. The tightwad doesn't give it to her., "You have something better. You have Shawn. All you need is faith... but keep your hands off my coin." John floats away through the clouds.

Belle sleeps, "I love you, dad. I love you, Shawn."

Gabby mauls Shawn, but he pushes her away. Gabby thought this was what Shawn wanted. She doesn't get it. Shawn says he loves Belle, but Belle doesn't let him touch her. She knows Shawn wants her. she makes another attempt. Shawn stops her, "Belle is right. I think we need to rethink this whole traveling together thing." Gabby begs him to let her go with them.

There is a knock at the door. Gabby answers. Belle says Shawn isn't in the room and she is looking for him. Shawn comes to the door and tells her he was there fixing the GPS. "I know what you were doing," says Belle, "It's all over your face."

Gabby gestures to her lipstick, which is smeared all over him. Shawn immediately reaches into his Guy's bag-o-tricks and pulls out the first cliché he can find, "BELLE! I CAN EXPLAIN!"

"Belle bawls, "Don't bother." She storms off down the hall.

Shawn desperately moves to chapter two in the manual, "If she doesn't buy 'I can explain,' move to the next level, 'It's not what it looks like.' Too late. Belle is long gone.

Stephanie begs Patch to put an end to the misery and get DOOL off the air. Patch takes his wrath out on Kayla, "You put her up to this, didn't you?"

Stephanie says she is doing this on her own, "If you don't fight for us, it's like you never existed."

"I don't exist," says Patch, "I am a fictional character."

"If you don't do this, our lives were a lie," says Stephanie
Patch caves in. He'll do it. He'll do it for her and Kayla. He'll tell them everything, including the fact that he was the one who ordered the pizza. Kayla rushes out to get Roman.

Roman rushes out and catches up with Kate. He tells her he doesn't like being threatened in public. "Fine," says Kate, "After this I will threaten you in private." Kate works on him and Roman softens. He decides he will help Kate get into Lucas and Sami's room. He tells Kate to call Lucas one more time and he'll go give Abe some cock and bull story about why he is leaving. Kate calls. Lucas stirs, but goes under again.

EJ wakes up. He tells Sami he smells gasoline. He can't breathe. Sami slathers on more lip dross and tells him he's imagining things. She moves in and kisses him back into submission. Once he is unconscious, she runs out and meets Celeste. But, oops, Sami remembers she forgot her suitcase. She runs back inside and dumb-da-dumb-dumb, the couch is empty! Sami turns around ad EJ staggers toward her.


EJ can barely walk. He falls into her and grabs her throat, "Samantha, what did you do to me?" Sami works him over to the couch, grabs her suitcase and runs. EJ goes unconscious again. Pan to the box of matches.

Roman tells Abe he's going to go to the hotel with Kate. His plans are interrupted when Kayla and Stephanie walk up. Kayla tells him Patch is ready to talk. Roman tells them he has something to deal with, but will be right back. He leaves and Stephanie asks Abe if Patch's testimony will be enough to put EJ away. Abe says he thinks this is the break they have all been waiting for.

Gabby finds Shawn sulking in the hallway. He says he's headed to sleep on the veranda. She invites him to sleep in her room. "Thanks," says Shawn, "But I think I'll pass."

Belle paces and thinks she made a mistake. She runs out to go find Shawn. She runs to Gabby's room and starts to knock, but hears sounds from inside. Moaning and giggling... slap and tickle... Belle sulks off. Gabby comes to the door. Her boyfriend comes and gets her, "Come on, baby, let's have another drink." Slap... tickle... Squeal.

Dr. Granger comes in and introduces himself to Patch. He says he's the new guy handling his case. Patch tells him that won't be necessary. He's decided to tell all. Nothing like telegraphing your pitches, boy. Dr. Granger encourages Patch to try traditional therapy instead. Nope. He has made up his mind. Dr. Granger flashes the tarot card at him and suggests he rethink his plan. Patch zones out.

Roman comes out into the hall and reneges on Kate. Kate can't believe something more important than Lucas' life has come up. He tells her to go home and call Lucas in the morning. Roman leaves. Kate is not a happy woman, "I'll do no such thing. I'll handle this myself."

Sami tells Celeste EJ woke up. She's worried when he wakes up the next time, he will know what she has done. Celeste tells Sami he probably won't remember anything, but they have to go. As they start to leave, the building explodes into flames. From inside, EJ calls, "Samantha! Samantha!" Sami looks at the burning building and bawls. FF.



Shawn panics, "They're actually gone! Claire's stuff is gone! Belle's stuff is gone!"

Stephanie yells, "If you love me, you'll do it." Patch says, "I guess I don't love you."

Bo tells Dr. Granger, "Give Elvis J. Wells a message for me. It's gonna take more than a court order to keep us outta here."

Sami bawls, "He's suffering!" Celeste says, "Evil never suffers. It only brings suffering. Come on! We gotta get out of here. Follow me!"

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