Bribing-It-Forward

A bridal bouquet made out of pastry. The highlight of the wedding will be when the bride tosses it into a crowd of women competing with each other to catch it.

Roman gives a free meal to a table full of SPD officers. This is a tactic known as bribing-it-forward. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "You should stay as far away from the DiMera family as possible. Move out of Salem. Change your name." Johnny: "To What?" Chad: "Capone." #DAYS

Brady kissed Theresa… or Theresa kissed Brady. Who knows? If Alex wants to get to the bottom of this he should report them to the junior high school assistant principal before this escalates into hand-holding and a date at the malt shop. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "I think we should postpone the wedding." Chanel: "What if I said we can't have sex again until we're married?" Johnny: "Let's head for the courthouse and get married." #DAYS

Still A Virgin

Leo to Stephanie: "Girl, you do get around." Like an Amazon Prime delivery truck during Christmas season.

Johnnie to Cranky Stefan: "Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." The problem may be Stefan woke up ALONE in bed this morning. #DAYS

Chanel: "Johnny and I are getting married on Valentine's day." Kayla: "That's what Steve and I did." Which time? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "You're probably wondering why I'm leaving the Salem Inn at this hour." Chanel: "Not at all. I know a walk-of-shame when I see one." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "Yes… I was with Everett last night. And no… nothing happened." Steve: "So you're still a virgin?" Stephanie: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" #DAYS

Ghosted

Xander says his motivation is Sarah. That's a strange name for his penis. #DAYS

Alex loves Theresa. Theresa loves Alex. Suddenly the Barney Song is running through my head. #DAYS

Sarah & Xander. Dinner's over. Time for dessert?

Theresa to Alex: "How about something mindless and distracting." Is she talking about herself? That describes her, all right. #DAYS

Stephanie to Everett: "You don't know what it was like for me when you ghosted me." It was rough. She had to go through about a half-dozen other guys to get over the shock. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "Why do you think Constantine knows about the pawn?" Steve: "He asked me if I play chess." #DAYS

Butts-On-Fire Monkey Sex

Next on #DOOL — Chad to Everett: "Wherever you go with Stephanie, I'm all for it, whether that's a continuing friendship or… butts-on-fire monkey sex." #DAYS

Chanel flashes her hand in front of Paulina's face. Paulina: "Is that what I think it is… a broken fingernail?" #DAYS

Wendy offers to hack into the Bistro's computer system. Tripp: "While you're in there could you print out a couple of their free drink coupons?" #DAYS

Harris moves in and plants a big kiss on Ava. Ava: "You son of a bitch!" SLAP… after kissing him back and lingering awhile. #DAYS

The First Time I Saw You... Naked

Next on #DOOL — Theresa: "I can't leave town without making things right between us." Alex: "Sex is the best way to make things right." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "Why do you think you want to leave Salem?" Theresa: "Because Gwen wants to come back." #DAYS

Theresa decides to stay with Alex rather than take her flight. She'll regret that – the airline cancellation fees will practically bankrupt her. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "I'm starting to fall for you." Theresa: "Just starting?" Alex: "Let me revise that. I have been falling for you from the first time I saw you… naked." #DAYS

Platonic Love Is An Oxymoron

Next on #DOOL — Abe: "This woman is one of the best doctors in the country." Paulina: "Then why did she come to Salem Hospital?" Abe: "They don't require their employees to take drug tests." #DAYS

Xander: "I can't wait." Sarah: "For what?" Xander: "For the feast." He can't wait to feast on her. #DAYS

Leo is wearing camouflage… for anyone dosed on LSD. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Leo: "When my high school girlfriend said I was the most handsome guy around, she wasn't my type but I fell into immediate platonic love." Xander: "Platonic love is an oxymoron." #DAYS

Cut The Crap

Patch to Maggie: "Constantine is here to take advantage of your kindness and generosity." Isn't the purpose of being kind and generous to have someone take advantage of it? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Clyde: "I'm a people person." Harris: "So was Bernie Madoff. That's probably how both of you were able to con enough people to end up in prison." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Theresa to Alex: "Kissing Brady was a mistake. I just want to be with you. Only you… Unless, of course, you're not around." #DAYS

Marlena to John: "You might want to introduce yourself to a comb." You mean the Boris Johnson look isn't making a comeback? #DAYS

Constantine: "Thank you for defending me." What Maggie said: "Steve can be difficult." What she should have said: "Cut the crap and tell me what you're up to." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Theresa: "If you want to end things, I understand." Alex: "I want to end things but my penis doesn't." #DAYS

Harris to Clyde: "Do you really want to come after someone who has nothing to lose?" He has something to lose… his life. #DAYS

Un-disinherit

Theresa is going to have one hell of a hangover. #DAYS

Lucas: "Mom, you're giving me a headache." He looks like someone took a meat tenderizer to his face. I don't think it's Kate that's giving him the headache." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Nicole: "I'm taking some things with me because I want Holly to be surrounded by memories of people who love her." Eric: "I want Holly to be surrounded by competent doctors who know what they're doing." #DAYS

Kate to Lucas: "I love you so much I'm going to un-disinherit you… for now." #DAYS

The Seat Of My Pants

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "Why do you need a sewing machine?" Sarah: "It really speeds things up for my patients who need stitches." #DAYS

Patch to Everett: "I understand you knew Stephanie back in Seattle." Translation: "Are your intentions with my daughter honorable?" What you're really asking, Patch, is… Let's just say that ship has sailed. Truth be told, Stephanie has commandeered a whole fleet of ships. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Wendy: "Oxytocin is the love hormone, isn't it?" Tripp: "Yes, but getting your date drunk at dinner works just as well." #DAYS      

Chinese can't be Wendy's native language. She has a very pronounced American accent. But I'm sure you noticed that without me having to tell you. #DAYS

Johnny proposes. The look on Chanel's face is the same as if Johnny had asked her to go skydiving without a parachute. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda guy." Chanel: "You seem to be more interested in the seat of my pants." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jada (on phone): "I found Theresa. She's at the Quickiebang Hotel… and she's high." Brady: "I hope you mean she's staying in the penthouse." #DAYS

Hey, Jude...

Paulina: "Why are they sending Holly to Italy?" Nicole: "They actually have healthcare you can afford over there." #DAYS

Johnny to Chanel: "Everyone can see your hard candy shell and I'm the only one who knows you have a soft, squishy center." Read into that what you want to. #DAYS

Rafe to Jada: "I'm slow to evolve." And he has a long way to go. #DAYS

Sloan said their place is small but it will do until they find something better. And after her performance this evening, Eric is with her until he finds something better. #DAYS

Harris: "Nobody move, this is a raid." Ava: "Don't worry everyone, this is a misunderstanding. We're a bistro, not a donut shop." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Justin: "You'll be going to a rehab facility." Tate: "I don't need that." Justin: "You have to go. The bus leaves tonight." Tate: "And you've thrown me under it." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sloan: "You can't treat me like a child." Eric: "I'm not treating you like a child. I'm treating you like a drunk." #DAYS

Come on, Eric. Sloan is drunk. Take advantage of her. #DAYS

I can't wait until Eric's kid grows up and we can make a bunch of "Hey, Jude" jokes. #DAYS

Stool Pigeon

Alex gives Thomas a few tips about playing football. Too bad someone didn't do the same thing for the Chicago Bears this year. #DAYS

Alex wonders what his role is in Teresa's life. Boy-Toy? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "I will personally accompany Holly to the clinic in Italy." Nicole: "When you come back, bring pizza." #DAYS

She Put the "Kate" in "Fornicate"

Paulina: "The doctor hasn't called me. As far as I'm concerned, no news is good news." Paulina's doctor: "The lab is taking too long to call with Paulina's results. No news is bad news." #DAYS

He may be guilty as sin but when Harris promises to help Smith if he cooperates, Smith's answer should be one word: "Lawyer." #DAYS

EJ says Holly's situation has nothing to do with how God feels about Nicole. True. God is still working on retribution for Misty Circle. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman: "Have you met my wife?" Harris: "Yes… she's the woman who put the 'Kate' in 'fornicate.'" #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Chad and Everett sit at their desks and debate whether Stephanie looks better in her pink or blue panties. #DAYS

Harris says if Lucas becomes an informant he can get him released from prison. Note: Getting out of prison doesn't make a snitch any less likely to be "rewarded" for his actions with a bullet in the brain. #DAYS

Paulina's message is going to need a bit of editing. #DAYS

Kate: "Give it to me straight." Roman: "I'll bet you say that to all the guys." #DAYS

Sex Does It For Me

Wendy, you don't have to move to China permanently to support your parents. You could go over there, help them out and then come back, instead of not going at all. People do that all the time. Then again, that's normal people, not people from Salem. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Wendy: "Tripp Johnson I love you with all my heart." Tripp: "Any other parts go along with that?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John: "If you don't leave Salem you're going to find yourself on a deserted island." Constantine: "Where do you think you are going to find a deserted island?" John: "Jeffrey Epstein's house is for sale." #DAYS

BULLETIN: Holly remains on life support in a coma. Since this may be a long-term situation the hospital has moved her into a room with Jan Spears. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "You must be disappointed you can't yell at me." Kristen: "Yes, because yelling gets my frustration out." Brady: "Sex does it for me." #DAYS

Kristen walks in and goes nuclear on Brady and now they're practically renewing their vows. #DAYS

Phone Sex

Tate: "Just tell me what's going to happen to me." That slamming sound you are about to hear won't be the door of the car that is taking you home. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Tripp: "Holly Jonas OD'd last night at the Bistro." Wendy: "My God, is their food that bad?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Wendy: "I'm going to China to be with my dad and you're staying here to be with your mom." Tripp: "What does that mean for us?" Wendy: "Phone sex." #DAYS

Xander: "I don't want you to have to take the 'walk of shame.'" Sarah: "How chivalrous, but I have to go home." Xander: "Get in my car… I'll give you the 'ride of shame.'" #DAYS

Wendy to Tripp: "We shouldn't go together to the airport. It would make it harder to say goodbye." That's for sure. You have to stay dressed at the airport.

Your Walk Of Shame

Chanel's mom literally orders her to spend the night with Johnny. How times have changed. #DAYS

Johnny wants dessert for breakfast: Chanel a-la-mode. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Tate: "How is Holly doing?" John: "Let's put it this way. They're about to move her to the vegetable aisle at the Salem Safeway."

Next on #DOOL — Chanel walks in on Abe and Paulina: "Oh, I'm sorry. Should I not come in?" Paulina: "No, you may continue your walk-of-shame." #DAYS

Chanel: "Thanks for lending me your shirt." Johnny: "That shirt is now my all-time-favorite… so take it off and give it back to me." #DAYS

Chanel puts whipped cream on the "dessert." Later… Johnny: "Wow. I had no idea whipped cream could get so sticky." #DAYS

His Jammies

Marlena: "Still no change in Holly's condition?" Kayla: "No." HIPPA VIOLATION! #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Tate: "I don't drink, don't smoke, don't chew… don't go with girls who do." Brady: "So what about your relationship with Holly?" Tate: "I didn't say anything about drugs." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Everett: "I need $5,000 from petty cash." Chad: "Since when is $5,000 petty?" Everett: "Since I won Powerball." #DAYS

Leo is shocked Sloan would put him on a budget. His jammies look like he was already on a budget. #DAYS

Still Horny

EJ toasts Nicole: "May troubles be less and blessings be more. May nothing but happiness come through your door." That toast for the new year won't even make it through its first day.

Next on #DOOL — Harris: "Did you see any drugs in your establishment at any time." Stefan: "No. I serve enough alcohol that our guests can get plastered out of their minds without drugs." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "Oh, to be young and in love." John: "I can't speak to that, but I'll put it up against the kind of love we have." Marlena: "What kind of love is that?" John: "Old and still horny." #DAYS

EJ needs to take some drugs himself, like… a chill pill. #DAYS

John: "I will never let the sun go down on a day without telling my beautiful wife how much I love her." That's the same resolution he made before they were divorced five times. #DAYS

Brady: "Tate is lying to protect me. They were my drugs." It's rare, but we've just found someone in the room with a lower IQ than Rafe. #DAYS

Holly ODs. Tate is responsible; Brady is responsible; Ava is responsible. As usual, everyone is responsible but the one who made the decision to take the drugs in the first place. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Theresa: "OMG! Tate is gone!" Marlena: "How did he get out? We're on the 50th floor." Theresa: "He took the fire escape." Marlena: "There is no fire escape." Theresa: "Oops." #DAYS