Corks and Minefields

Leo: "I would never pick up dog poop. I walk the dogs and pet them." Sonny: "How do you keep them from pooping?" Leo: "I save all the corks from my wine bottles." #DAYS

Gwen: "Navigating through this family is like tiptoeing through a minefield." Minefields aren't nearly that deadly. #DAYS

Those eggs Chad fixed for breakfast have got to be ice cold by now. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stefan: "Please don't tell me playtime is over." Gabi: "It has to be. We have to figure out what is going on in this house. The quicker we get to the bottom of what Kristen and company are up to the quicker you can get to the bottom of me." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "I stopped by to ask a little favor." Chad: "Ask away. Then go away." #DAYS

Banging Jada

Belle: "I have no idea where Shawn is." That's because he's in his office. It's rare to find anyone in Salem at work. #DAYS

Shawn contemplates suicide. No problem. It's a medical fact you can't kill yourself if you shoot yourself in the head and there's nothing inside it. #DAYS

Jada asks if Rafe learned his lesson. What he learned is cleaning up is a good way to get laid. #DAYS

Shawn to Paulina: "You are going to make a great mayor." IDK, maybe the old gray mayor ain't what she used to be. #DAYS

Brady to phillip: "You are one vindictive, psychotic dude." Says the vindictive psychotic Brady. #DAYS

Steve gives Abe the short version of how fifteen years ago he had the same script Abe has today. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Phillip: "I thought you and Chloe were going behind my back." Brady: "I wasn't going behind your back but I spent plenty of time behind hers." #DAYS

Paulina: "I want you to go back to being Salem's police commissioner." Rafe: "Can I keep on banging Jada?" #DAYS

One Out Of Three Ain't Bad

Phillip's artificial leg certainly has gotten flexible. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "Rex wants to marry me. He's crazy about me." Maggie: "How crazy?" Sarah: "After we're married there is a small chance he won't cheat again." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kate: "I can't believe Victor is gone. I can't believe he died in that plane crash. How could this happen?" Roman: "I don't know. I didn't know Victor and Yevgeny Prigozhin even knew each other." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kate: "Sarah and Rex have a lot in common. They're doctors… they're compatible… they're mature…" Roman: "One out of three ain't bad." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Shawn: "The first thing I did when I heard about Victor was to get drunk out of my mind." Marlena: "It doesn't take getting drunk for you to be out of your mind." #DAYS

Alley Whore

Kristen: "What I wouldn't give to see the hounds of hell tear Victor limb from limb." If she dies soon enough, she may get there in time to see it. #DAYS

Dimitri wants to invite Leo to view the lava fields with Gwen and him. Gwen thinks he's incredibly selfless to do that. In a related story, while studying Gwen's brain scientists have discovered a new black hole. #DAYS

Sloan: "I dreamed I lost the baby." Eric: "Sometimes dreams come true." #DAYS

Marlena: "It's funny how things come in bunches… funerals… weddings…" …people coming back from the dead… #DAYS

Thesaurus.cöm suggests the following synonyms for "Melinda." Slut, hobag, whore, tramp, strumpet, harlot, alley whore, disease bucket, pro, hooker, jezebel, ho, slam hog, cum dumpster… The list isn't comprehensive but it's a good start. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Roman (on phone): "Even though I'm not a fan of Sloan, Marlena and I want to throw you and her a shower." Eric: "You can't. Sloan lost the baby." Roman: "YEEEEEHAAAAAA!" #DAYS

Nicole Is Carrying Your Baby

Q: What does the "B" stand for in LGBTQ? A: Chanel. Q: What does the "Q" stand for in LGBTQ? A: Talia. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sloan: "If I tell you this I'm afraid I'll lose you." Eric: "I'm not going anywhere." Sloan: "Nicole is carrying your baby." Eric: "Bye." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Wendy: "Tripp always sees the best in people." Chanel: "Has he seen the best you have to offer?" Wendy: "Not yet. We keep getting interrupted." #DAYS

Extreme Overeating

In a #DOOL Flashback — Victor: "Men go through Chloe like traffic through the Salem Tunnel." Maggie: "The Salem Tunnel can't handle that kind of Volume." #DAYS

Melinda: "Come on, Petersen… Think it through." Ooooo… that would require thinking. #DAYS

As an added benefit to EJ and Nicole flying off on EJ's private plane after they elope is they can join the Mile-High Club… Unless they're already lifetime members. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "There has been an airplane crash. Victor was killed." Nicole: "How long do you think it will be before he returns from the dead?"

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "Are you pregnant?" Sarah: "Looking like this, what else could it be?" Xander: "Extreme overeating?" #DAYS

Nicole: "When Victor wouldn't let me be in a fashion show I asked why he didn't just brand me." EJ: "OMG! You mean that's not a tattoo on your butt?" #DAYS

Nobody's Getting Laid

Everyone who hated Victor yesterday loves him today. #DAYS

Chloe: "Xander and I originally moved in together for convenience sake." Then things got REALLY convenient. #DAYS

Since they never really found the body, Victor will be buried next to Phillip's spare leg. #DAYS

Maggie to Victor: "Around you I feel young and stupid." Now that he's gone, she doesn't feel young anymore. #DAYS

There's lots of heavy breathing in this episode but nobody's getting laid.

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "Xander proposed." Kate: "Do you mean proposed or propositioned?" #DAYS

The Key To The City

Xander: "I loved Victor." When he didn't hate him. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kayla: "Why are you dancing on Victor's grave?" Steve: "Because I don't have to pee." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rawlins: "Paulina assaulted me. What can we do about that?" Shawn: "You could award her the key to the city." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kate: "Victor and I really went at it over the years." Roman: "Why don't you and I go upstairs and go at it ourselves?" #DAYS

Fluid Sexuality

Gwen: "Iceland doesn't look icy. It looks quite green." There's an old saying: "Greenland is icy and Iceland is green." Just FYI. #DAYS

Gwen: "We don't have to go to the lava fields. We can stay here and see if we can make something else erupt." Dimitri: "Meh." Dimitri may not have saved himself for marriage, but he's saving himself for Leo. #DAYS

Dig that Jacket. If I didn't know Leo was gay, I'd think he was gay. #DAYS

If Chanel's pants were any tighter her guts would be oozing out of her ears. #DAYS

Chanel and Talia dance around each other. The #DOOL writers are playing the fluid sexuality trend to the hilt. #DAYS

Little Bo Peep

Brady: "What you have with Xander can't hold a candle to what we once had." For the record, they've had it a hell of a lot more than once. #DAYS

Shawn (on phone with Maggie): "I can't make it to dinner tonight." Neither can Victor. #DAYS

Chloe to Brady: "You are living in Fantasyland." Oh, no. Now "It's S Small World" will be rattling around in my head all afternoon. #DAYS

Chloe: "Xander and I are in a committed relationship." Brady: "What commitment have you made?" Chloe: "He's committed to banging me whenever he gets the chance." #DAYS

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And doesn't know where to find them;
Her management skills are better than Shawn's
So organized crime is headed for Salem

Next on #DOOL — Justin: "Maggie was planning fish for dinner." Alex: "What kind?" Justin: "The kind that Victor now sleeps with." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Justin: "Tomorrow Victor will come right through our front door." Maggie: "So you think he's OK?" Justin: "No, I'm planning on having his funeral here at the mansion." #DAYS

The Sacred "Shacking Up" Vows

Rex to Sarah: "I'm sure if Maggie said she would keep your secret you can trust her." If the saying "loose lips sink ships" has any credibility, busybody Maggie could destroy the entire Russian fleet. #DAYS

Sarah to Rex: "Marriage is a lifelong commitment." In Salem, marriage is just a step up from a one-night-stand. #DAYS

Stephanie to Chad: "You and I made a commitment." What commitment… the sacred "shacking up" vows? #DAYS

Chad whines himself back into Stephanie's good graces. #DAYS

Chloe: "You got involved with EJ." Belle: "Shawn and I were separated at the time." And as we learned from Ross and Rachael, when you're "on a break" you're free to bang away whenever with whomever. #DAYS

Stephanie drags Chad in for some make-up sex. How the hell is he going to perform when he needs to grow a pair? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "What right do you have to tell me who I can be friends with?" Chad: "What right do you have to tell me who I can hate?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Justin: "Isn't there a part of you that wants another chance with Stephanie?" Alex: "Of course, and I always have trouble keeping that part in my pants." #DAYS

She's Been Under More Than His Thumb

Kayla to Abe: "It's like we're characters in a soap opera doing crazy things." I would comment but that statement stands on its own. #DAYS

Talia: "I don't know what's true and what's not." This is Salem. None of it is true. #DAYS

Jada: "I have never been under Rafe's thumb." She's been under more than his thumb. #DAYS

The Acting Mayor thinks he should make Shawn the Commissioner. Like Mother like son. #DAYS

Mayor Rawlins: "My administration is by-the-book." What book… Mein Kampf? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Abe: "When Paulina kissed me it was just strange." Kayla: "I thought 'strange' was what all men wanted." #DAYS

Pre-Divorce

Xander proposes. Chloe: "This is a joke." Just what every guy wants to hear. #DAYS

Protip for Chloe: Let's just assume this has nothing to do with Sarah or Gwen. It has everything to do with the fact you shouldn't marry Xander anyway. #DAYS

The marriage proposals are coming in like a swarm of bloodthirsty mosquitoes today. #DAYS

Gwen: "Why do you look so ashen?" Leo: "Because I've made an ash of myself." #DAYS

If Sarah didn't want to have a baby with Xander she shouldn't have played hooky the day they covered birth control in medical school. #DAYS

Mid-show assessment: Dimitri is a creep. Leo is a creep. Gwen is a naive idiot. #DAYS

Sloan accepts Eric's proposal. Nicole accepts EJ's proposal. Chloe rejects Xander's proposal. Chloe must be the only gal who know in Salem the word "marriage" is a synonym for "pre-divorce." #DAYS

I Turned Gay For Leo

Xander: "Gwen married that wanker." So now he has Gwen and doesn't have to wank it any more. #DAYS

Leo: "Nothing gets straightened out… except the men I love. They all get straight." I can't think of any of Leo's lovers who have TURNED straight, so I wonder what that means. You don't think he could be alluding to…. OH MY GOD! #DAYS

It's possible Gwen and Dimitri's marriage will work. After all, they have one major thing in common – They both like having sex with men. #DAYS

Melinda: "I'm not going to use this secret against you." Except for when she does. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "I hear you and Sloan are having a baby." Eric: "Well, Sloan is going to do most of the work." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sloan: "I'm not the only woman carrying Eric's baby. Nicole is too… and you know what that means." Melinda: "Yeah, Eric gets around." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Tripp: "I wish I had woken up with you in my bed instead of Leo." Wendy: "WHOA! Leo was in your bed?" Tripp: "Yes, but it was nothing." Wendy: "Then why are you wearing that 'I turned gay for Leo' T-Shirt?" #DAYS

GTFOOH

Harris: "Now I can get the help I need and never hurt anyone again." And by "never hurt anyone again" he means "until the next time I go bonkers." #DAYS

EJ: "How is it going now that you're co-habitating with the lovely Stephanie." With Alex sniffing around it's more like tri-habitating. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "You need to put Alex on notice or you will lose Stephanie." Frankly, he needs to have a word or two with Stephanie, too. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "You need to put Alex on notice or you will lose Stephanie." Frankly, Chad needs to have a word or two with Stephanie, too. #DAYS

Chad: "You're a sad lonely guy looking for a shoulder to lean on." Specifically, that would be Stephanie's shoulder. #DAYS

Kate and Roman slobber all over each other as Marlena walks in: "Get a room, you two." With Kate's past, you don't need a room. You need an alley. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Eve: "I'm criminally insane." Harris: "I'm just plain old normally insane." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — EJ: "You have to ask yourself 'WWSD.'" Chad: "Don't you mean 'WWJD?'" EJ: "In this house, Stefano outranks Jesus." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "GTFOOH!" Alex: "What does that mean?" Chad: "Roughly translated it means 'get out of here.'" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Nicole: "Sloan knocked over my food plate but was kind enough to buy me a replacement plate." EJ: "Did she replace the food as well as the plate?" #DAYS

PFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTT

Brady: "I have learned from experience you cannot reason with Kristen." Unless you point a gun at her with your kid in the room but, gosh darn it, apparently that has consequences. #DAYS

* * * * * * * * * *
Li: "My date said she dressed up as a whoopee cushion for Halloween." Great costume. Think of the possibilities:

You: "Trick or Treat!"
Homeowner: "I don't have anything for you."
You: "PFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTT!"
* * * * * * * * * *

Wendy to Li: "I'm not sure you should trust someone who has burned you before." Yeah, especially when that someone is Melinda. Wendy is coming of as being a lot smarter than Li. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Judge Ramirez: "I am awarding full custody of Rachel to Kristen." Belle: "May I ask a question your honor?" Judge Ramirez: "You may." Belle: "WTF?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kayla: "You probably don't remember me but I'm Dr. Kayla Johnson." Abe: "Have you been my doctor before?" Kayla: "Yes. I've given you many prostate exams." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Tripp: "Wendy and I are taking it slow." Patch: "So you're not getting any yet?" #DAYS