Friday, May 29, 2015


New Corporate Overlord

Justin revels in his new position as Kate's boss. #DAYS
Looks like Lucas and Adrienne might have tried a new position or two themselves. #DAYS
Kate, repeat after me: "I, for one, welcome my new corporate overlord." #DAYS
Jennifer: "I almost told you about JJ and Eve." Yeah, well I'll bet Paige doesn't almost give you credit for that. #DAYS

She'll Melt In Your Arms

The Outburst

I'll bet Kate just loves her new boss.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

A Question You've Never Asked Your Mother

Lucas: "Soooo... I was thinking." Uh-oh. That's trouble. Lucas' IQ has its own zip code: 00000. #DAYS
If the temperature plunged as far as Serena and Nicole's necklines we'd be in for a of a nuclear winter. #DAYS
Lucas to Kate: "Have you never shacked up with a married man?" I'll bet that's a question you've never asked your mother. #DAYS
Kate and Victor criticizing other's infidelity is like Tim Gunn criticizing someone for being clothing-obsessed. #DAYS

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Crazy Is All They've got

Hope to Rafe: "As stubborn as you are, I am even more stubborn." Stubborn is the new dumb. #DAYS
I'll give #DOOL one thing — I've never seen a show before with characters named Navidad and Xander. #DAYS
Rafe: "Something happened I didn't foresee." With Rafe, that could be the sun coming up in the morning. #DAYS
Melanie: "If it's crazy why are we talking about it?" When the conversation is between Melanie and Theresa, crazy is all they've got. #DAYS

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Rory's Hero


The "I Faked A Brain Tumor Because I Loved You" Line

Chad uses the tired old, "I faked a brain tumor because I loved you" line. I used to use that one all the time. #DAYS
Theresa, parents may own their adult offspring in a few third-world countries but not here; not even in Salem. Tell Mommy to buzz off. #DAYS
Brady, Melanie didn't immediately say yes to your proposal. Thank your lucky stars and run. #DAYS
Hope: "Dinner with Kate and Clyde... I'd rather hold my breath and pass out." Please do. #DAYS

Friday, May 22, 2015

Sainthood Comes, Sainthood Goes

Brady: engagement ring. Will, Paul and Sonny BO-ring. #DAYS
Abby points out Jennifer didn't give Paige's feelings any thought. She didn't — sainthood comes, sainthood goes. #DAYS
Paige, why are you even listening to JJ's rambling excuses?" #DAYS
Abby lectures Jennifer on morality. BWAHAHAHAHA! #DAYS
Kimberly isn't just a helicopter mom. She's an entire fleet of Blackhawks. #DAYS

JJ's Condition


Adorable JJ


Thursday, May 21, 2015

Sex On A Conference Room Table

She's female, JJ. You're just supposed to know what she's thinking without her having to tell you. #GuyManual wisdom. #DAYS
Marlena says Stefano's psychotic behavior killed Kristen.  Well, yes... that and a 500 foot fall. #DAYS
Paul to John: "I'm surprised you haven't advised me to have sex with Sonny on a conference room table." Ooooo... low blow. #DAYS
JJ to Paige: "You are too good for me." I think this time JJ is right on target. #DAYS

Paige Clobbers JJ

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

New Drinking Game

New drinking game... take a drink every time someone in Salem is alone, says something out loud and someone overhears. #DAYS
Things I learned on #DOOL Number 171: Whenever you want to evade a question, just say, "it's complicated." #DAYS
Eve: "I can explain everything." Translation: "I can't explain anything, but here comes a load of BS." #DAYS
At least Adrienne and Justin have a level playing field — Cheater's Field located in Adulterer's Stadium. #DAYS

Paul Smacks Will

Paige Trumps JJ's Surprise

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Conflicting Statements

Oh boy: WillPaSon. Translation: I Will Pass On WillPaSon. #DAYS
Maggie to Nicole: "My son is reasonable. He cares about you a lot." Conflicting statements, if you ask me. #DAYS
Fashion note: Are faux leather shoulder pads the "in thing?" Both John and Eve are sporting them. #DAYS
Paul punches will. With a right cross like that, maybe his arm is good enough to go back to pitching. #DAYS

Monday, May 18, 2015

So Many Characters, So Little Time

Another tough workday for Jennifer, shopping for party supplies. #DAYS
Now that Justin has destroyed his own marriage he's moving on to try to destroy Sonny's. #DAYS
I don't know who's more irritating: Jennifer, Eve, Nicole, Xander, Serena, Daniel, Cole — so many characters, so little time to vent. #DAYS
Even in Hi-def I can barely read the messages on those #$@&%*!@#% phones. #DAYS

Friday, May 15, 2015


You know what would have really spruced this show up... if Marlena would've pulled a reversal & tossed the goons out the window. #DAYS
BULLETIN (true story): MO Speaker of House quits in a sexting scandal & is replaced by someone from POPLAR BLUFF. Plot straight from #DAYS
Theresa: "My baby's so little and has already been trough so much." Yeah, like having you as a mother. #DAYS

Confused Goons

A Soft Porn Smorgasbord

Thursday, May 14, 2015

As Checkered As A Cheap Salesman's Suit

Where we left things off yesterday — Stefano: "Give me one good reason I shouldn't kill you." Marlena: "Would you settle for one lame reason?" #DAYS
Guy Manual advice for Daniel: "Nicole's past is as checkered as a cheap salesman's suit, so chasing the slut just does not compute." #DAYS
Abe wants Chad's help. Nothing like the police going to the local organized crime family to do their job. #DAYS
So, at the start when Serena stabbed Xander. I wish just once they'd have a fantasy like that be real. #DAYS
Two things about "Skinny Cow." 1)They won't make you skinny. 2)Implying you're a cow is insulting. #DAYS

Marlena's Logic

Wednesday, May 13, 2015


OMG! Paul spills the chocolate milk and has to take his shirt off. How original! #DAYS
Henrietta the hick from Poplar Bluff gets all starry-eyed when Will says he'll put her in the magazine article. #DAYS
Ciara: "You've gotta suck it up, Mom." No she doesn't.  This episode sucks enough as it is. #DAYS
Marlena: "I lost a child myself." BABY DJ! The one they never buried. #DAYS

DOOL Cliffhanger 05/12/15


Tuesday, May 12, 2015

A New Boy-Toy

The Hollywood Stigma Trifecta

Brady says they should do whatever it takes to keep Christopher healthy. Easy for him to say; what it takes is Theresa's bone marrow. #DAYS

Daniel assures Brady & Theresa, "There are other excellent surgeons besides me." Modesty isn't his strong point. #DAYS

Ali Sweeney has completed the Hollywood-Stigma-Trifecta...from soap opera actor to reality show host to commercials. #DAYS

I used to have a pair of pants just like Abby's. Mine didn't fit either. #DAYS

Monday, May 11, 2015

The Neanderthal

BULLETIN: Kristen DiMera has been found alive!  She is living under the assumed name Ashley Abbott in Genoa City. #DAYS
Cole may have used gloves, but JJ's prints wouldn't be on the drugs. But noooooo... the Neanderthal is so dumb he picks them up. #DAYS
Marlena spoke to Johnny about Chad? Sounds like Johnny has been SORASed. He'll probably be Dr. DiMera when he comes back. #DAYS
John says he can't fathom having a kid 'overnight.' You know, kinda like he did with Paul. #DAYS

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Abe's White Board

Abe's white board... better than a computer any day.

Friday, May 08, 2015

With An AK-47

Melanie wonders where she stands with Brady. Well, we know where Phillip stood with her... on one leg. BWAHAHAHA! #DAYS
When JJ walked in and said WTH, I knew he didn't see Cole. You knew he didn't see Cole. The writers didn't know, apparently. #DAYS
Virginal Nicole rejects Xander's advances. #DAYS
Where would #DOOL be without drugs that wipe your memory? #DAYS
Victor wants Xander's protection, but he's to act like he's just a nephew visiting... with an AK-47. #DAYS

Thursday, May 07, 2015

Gratuitous Shirtless Scene of the Day

Nicole yells at her phone to ring and it rings.  I just love a woman who knows how to handle technology. #DAYS
Jennifer asks Daniel: "Do you have a minute?" OK, I could have handled that but he gave her at least thirty. #DAYS
And the Emmy for the Gratuitous Shirtless Scene of the Day goes to... Xander. #DAYS
Dang, when Julie went into her thing about her & Doug being alone I thought she'd throw him down on a table right there. #DAYS

Birth Control vs. Self-Control

Perhaps Eve should practice what she preaches.


Cole's Predicament

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Maybe She Just Can't Read

Justin finds Adrienne & Lucas kissing: "Next time you may want to do that with the door shut." They already did it with the door shut. #DAYS
Baseball has started and Paul's on the sidelines. If his contract is like others he's probably still getting paid. #DAYS
Lucas says Adrienne knows how he feels about her. The way they leave doors open I'd bet the whole world knows.
Will says Kate thinks he's a good writer because she's his grandmother.  Either that or maybe she just can't read. #DAYS

Tuesday, May 05, 2015

Impatient Justin



Lucas follows Guy Manual advice: "Never say 'hotel room.' Call it 'a place to talk without being interrupted.'" #DAYS
Rafe wonders if Aiden would take Gabi as a client. Geez Rafe, just call and ask. His number is 1-800-SHYSTER. #DAYS
Closed captions say, "suspenseful music." It wasn't the conversation so the suspense must be: will Hope or Rafe pay for lunch? #DAYS
In the game Salem-opoly, lucky Daniel just got a "get out of Nicole free" card. Dumb Daniel probably won't use it. #DAYS

Cinco de Mayo

We begin today's episode with a panoramic shot of the glistening deep blue waters of the Mid Atlantic. As we pan in, we see a dot, perhaps a tiny boat, infinitesimally small, surrounded by the immense, expansive waterworld that is its home. The sea is calm.

We continue to pan in until the dot becomes a small sailboat slowly meandering through the blue abyss. On deck the captain stands at the helm, juts his chin, whistles the "Sailor's Hornpipe" and surveys the waters like a Neanderthal hunter in search of prey. At the bow, a small girl leans overboard and pets the killer sharks playfully jumping beside the boat in an attempt to find dinner.

The little boat gently bobs as it cuts through the sea. Below, in the galley, the first mate prepares lunch. All is well with Belle, Shawn, Claire and the dozen or so rats that have stowed away on the Fancy Face XLIV. The sharks, however, are a bit hungry.

GASP! Storm clouds form on the horizon!

The storm moves in. The Fancy Face XLIV rocks violently. Cap'n Shawn takes counter measures. Claire lurches forward. A shark jumps and just misses having an arm for an appetizer. The crew has secured most of the items in the galley but unfortunately Belle was preparing mayonnaise sandwiches for lunch. The large industrial-sized jar of mayo sits above the sink and when the boat heaves, the jar comes smashing down into the sink, shattering both the sink and the jar. Belle panics as she sees the concoction of broken glass, shattered porcelain and mayonnaise oozing down what's left of the drain. Everything in the galley... the walls, Belle, the glossy 8x10 photo of Phillip... is splattered with pus-white globs of mayonnaise. Belle screams like the banshee of the Mid Atlantic.

The storm quickly passes. Shawn hears Belle screaming loud enough to wake Davy Jones. He runs to the top of the stairs and shouts, "Belle! What is it?"

Belle screams...


(Are you ready for this?)



Here's wishing you a better Cinqo de Mayo than Shawn and Belle seem to be having.
Originally posted Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Monday, May 04, 2015

Zoot Suit

Most males have the "Y" chromosome.  Will, however, has the "WHINE" chromosome. #DAYS
After that "possum stew" crack Poplar Bluff should sue Will... possum stew is a lot better than the chowdah at the pub. #DAYS
Fashion statement: Abby's slacks look like the bottom half of a zoot suit. #DAYS
Eric says you can't change people.  If that's the case... Once Misty Circle always Misty Circle.

Friday, May 01, 2015


Maggie asks Victor: "Do you want to tell me why you were up screaming all night?" The answer to that is 'no,' Vic. #DAYS
Oh, I see Theresa had her hair done while she was being grilled by the cops. #DAYS
Queen Nicole summons Eric to her office. If I were Eric I'd let her come to me. Losers walk. #DAYS
The investigator rattles off Italian to Melanie. Whatever he said I think it means, "STFU." #DAYS


Found Kristen

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