Hideous Bourgeois Taste

Vivian says Maggie has hideous bourgeois taste. Is there such a thing as bourgeois taste that isn't hideous? #DAYS

I hope Maggie is smart enough to be showing Vivian a COPY of Victor's will. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kate: "Vivian Alamain is about to be kicked out of the Kiriakis Mansion on her ass." Marlena: "I hope her ass doesn't crack the Kiriakis Mansion sidewalk." #DAYS

Living In Sin

Is Susan alive or dead? Think of her as Schrodinger's Airhead. #DAYS

Protip for Eric and Sloan: I don't think you have to be living under the same roof to be living in sin. #DAYS

Melinda: "I am going to nail Lee Shin to the wall." In order to get what she wants, forget the wall, she's just going to nail him. #DAYS

Relax: No teddy bears were harmed in the filming of this episode. #DAYS

A Crazed Pinball

Jada: "We've only been here one day and you're already using the lingo, Mr. Sherlock Homeboy." Rafe: "Don't call me 'boy.'" #DAYS

Phillip: "I'm not sure you could ever love me again." Chloe: "I'm not so sure about that." Chloe bounces from guy to guy like a crazed pinball. #DAYS

Ava: "Why would Susan send us a sign in the shape of a letter "E?" Or a 3, or an M, or a W. #DAYS

Rex: "What judge in their right mind would rule in favor of a convicted felon over two respected physicians?" Xander: "My chances are pretty good. What judge in Salem is in their right mind?" #DAYS

Wendy: "Rafe made you choose between your mother and me and you chose me. Why would you do that?" Tripp: "I can't have sex with my mother." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "Once again, Sarah Horton played God." Sarah: "Who's playing?" #DAYS

Convoluted Genealogy

I think it's time to give everyone in Salem a DNA test and sort out the town's convoluted genealogy. #DAYS

Married in a Bar joint by an internet-ordained pseudo-minister and their baby has someone else as a father. Not exactly indications of a marriage that will last. #DAYS

After Alex was so adamant about Justin being cheated out of an inheritance, I wonder if he'll fork his portion over to Justin. #DAYS

I Saw You Naked

Dr. Rex tells Pegleg Phillip that Victoria is Xander's daughter as Chloe stands right behind him. Wouldn't it have been easier just to put that information on a billboard overlooking the town square? #DAYS

Roman to Kate: "You have been known to alienate your kids once in a while." Especially the ones who were actual aliens – Rex and Cassie. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "How is it you can look past all my faults?" Chloe: "I saw you naked." #DAYS

Living In Sin

Vivian to Phillip: "I need a right-hand man." It's a good thing she doesn't need a right-leg man. #DAYS

Alex: "You think I took advantage of you?" Theresa: "No, I think I took advantage of you." I'm guessing it won't be long before they take advantage of each other again. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: Maggie opens Victor's briefcase and a Jack-in-the-Box pops out. #DAYS

Brady: "Tate has been expelled from school." Theresa: "I knew I shouldn't have given him that AK-47."

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "Vivian was never really divorced from Victor so his house and fortune go to her." Sarah: "And even more important… you and Victor were living  in sin you little tramp." #DAYS

They Get The Milk For Free

When Brady and Alex told Theresa they knew what she'd been up to the main thing we knew was they didn't know what she'd been up to. #DAYS

If Timothy Rochambeau is John's father, does this mean Mary Poppins is his mother? I always thought she had something going on with that chimney sweep. #DAYS

Stephanie: "Men won't buy the cow if they get the milk for free." It has been my observation that with the gals in Salem, the milk flows as free as the rapids on a raging river as it gushes into a waterfall. #DAYS

Steve: "Are you kids thinking of getting married anytime soon?" Chad: "No, Stephanie is giving out the milk for free." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Vivian: "Still slumming I see." John: "True… ever since you walked in the door."

Next on #DOOL — Stephanie: "Men won't buy the cow if they get the milk for free." Kayla: "That explains why the bottom has fallen out of Salem's cow market." #DAYS

His New Rubber Hose

Ava and Harris have the standard uncomfortable sleeping arrangements conversation which will lead to nothing sexual… before it leads to everything sexual. #DAYS

Rafe: "I'm going to have to haul Wendy in here and get the truth out of her." He'll go easy on her. He doesn't want to damage his new rubber hose. #DAYS

Texting – Chanel: "Are you doing OK?" Talia: "No, I'm doing Shawn." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jada: "Did you sleep with Shawn?" Talie: "Nope. We were awake the whole time." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Talia: "I admit it. I slept with Shawn. Are you happy now?" Jada: "No, but I'll bet Shawn is." #DAYS

Great Boobs

Belle: "Shawn has never forgiven me for my affair with EJ." In light of recent events, Shawn might now be a little more forgiving. #DAYS

Talia: "I just worked the night shift." Who knew… Shawn's nickname must be "Night Shift." #DAYS

Eric to Jada: "I appreciate what you did for Shawn last night." Her sister did a lot more for him. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Nicole: "You haven't practiced law in many a moon." EJ: "I've never practiced law on any moon." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Talia: "You said you and Belle had a fight." Shawn: "I told you that?" Talia: "Yes." Shawn: "What else did I tell you?" Talia: "That I have great boobs." #DAYS

Tim Horton

Vivian: "I"m not leaving until I give my eulogy." Justin: "The funeral is over." Vivian: "Over? Where's the spread." If it's a spread you want you should check out what Sarah's up to. #DAYS

John to Timothy: "You've been searching for your son. Sir, your search is over. My name is… Ritchie Petrie." #DAYS

Vivian: "Does this mean Victor died intestate?" Justin: "No way. If anyone had balls, it was Victor." #DAYS

Timothy will do as John's father until another one of his fathers comes along. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "My husband is a private investigator and would like to talk to you." John Doe / Timothy: "How much does he charge?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "I can't have the baby here. I need to be in a hospital." Rex: "OK, I know what we can do… SOMEBODY GET A CORK!" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Timothy discovers his real last name is Horton and he starts a chain of coffee shops in Canada. #DAYS

Anorexia Epidemic

Chelsea finally arrives back in town. She's been away having Zack scraped off the hood of her car. #DAYS

With Chelsea and Sarah in town together Salem doctors declare an anorexia epidemic. #DAYS

Justin: "Victor had a unique style of meddling." And some of those whose affairs he meddled into actually survived. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "If Sarah's baby had been Xander's instead of yours, my engagement to Xander would have blown up before it started." Rex: "I guess now you'll have to settle for it blowing up after it started." #DAYS

Phillip: Victor was a relentless disciplinarian. He used to pull off my wooden leg and beat me with it. #DAYS

Shawn guzzles some 12-year-old scotch to compliment his 12-year-old mind. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Theresa: "Brady is treating me like something he has to scrape off the bottom of his shoe." Alex: "The bottom of my shoe is clean." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "This is Chelsea. One of bo's surviving children." Sarah: "Why is she one of his 'surviving' children?" Maggie: "Because she couldn't run herself over." #DAYS

If Sarah loses any more weight the baby will be heavier than she is. #DAYS

Afternoon-Delight-Interruptus

Talia: "Considering I haven't bowled since high school I guess I did OK. Bowling tip: Bouncing the ball into the next alley and knocking down three pins is not OK. #DAYS

Tripp asks Kayla for help in an emergency. Banging Wendy is an emergency? Tripp must really be horny. #DAYS

Tripp's worried he might check his cell phone during sex? Wendy must be a lousy lay. #DAYS

Jada and Rafe plan a little tryst before they get called to Bayview. Afternoon-Delight-Interruptus. #DAYS

The bottle pops its cork and the champagne erupts while Tripp and Wendy have sex. Oh, the metaphor!" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Wendy: "It's our first time having sex. I want things to go smoothly." Tripp: "It will. I brought K-Y." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ava: "I've lived through a lot of hits. This is just another one." Harris: "So you're used to it?" Ava: "Yeah… the hits just keep on comin'" #DAYS

An Offer

Harris to Ava: "Why would you lie?" Because in Salem telling the truth is a skill it takes a long time to acquire. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "Theresa… I never thought I'd see your ass again." Theresa: "You've never seen my ass. I'll bet you'd like to see it, though." Xander: "Is that an offer?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chloe: "Phillip spent the time he was gone in a psychiatric hospital but they released him." Nicole: "So he's better now?" Chloe: "I didn't say that. I said they released him." #DAYS

Nuthouse Nookie

Marlena: "John Doe's long- and short-term memories are non-existent." Unless there's such a thing as a medium-term memory, he's got nuthin' #DAYS

I keep waiting for Harris and Ava to get together for a little Nuthouse Nookie. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Theresa: "I came here for Victor's funeral because he's Tate's great-grandfather." Brady: "So if that's the reason why didn't you bring Tate?" Theresa: "Kids are such a pain in the ass." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "You want to jump back into a relationship with me?" Theresa: "No. I want to jump back into bed with you." #DAYS

A Sleazy Affair

Q: Why is Dick Van Dyke's name an oxymoron? A: Because a dick and a dyke really don't belong together. #DAYS

Brady to Belle: "I know you have compassion for Phillip." Compassion? Is that what they are now calling a sleazy affair? #DAYS

I'm so impressed with Shawn's alcoholism being instantly cured. #DAYS

John Doe: Calls the officers attractive. Jada: "One more attractive and I'll have to write you up." I'm so old I can remember when calling a woman attractive wasn't politically incorrect. #DAYS

Kayla: "Do you know what year it is?" John Doe: "2023." Kayla: "Who is the president?" John Doe: "I stay out of politics." Kayla: "How old are you?" John Doe: "Don't I look pretty old? So do you think I have all my marbles?" Kayla: "Yes." YES? He only answered 1 out of 3. #DAYS

John Doe: "For all I know I might have been a chimney sweep." Did you get that one? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Rafe: "I don't want to be separated from Jada for even a day." Paulina: "Why?" Rafe: "Because even though I've often said 'screw my job,' I can't." #DAYS