Tuesday, August 03, 2010

You Can't Fix Stupid

We pan up from a plate of muffins. English muffins for those of you who can't live without every breathtaking detail about the show. Hope sleeps. Bo computes. He researches the drug and can't figure why it's even on the market. We have a flashback to the stabbing and then to Hope telling her tale. Bo holds her hand, "Sorry Fancy Face."

Stephanie sits at a table in the pub. Adrienne joins her. She asks for the scoop on shacking up with Nathan. Stephaneasy says, "I think I made a terrible mistake."

Speaking of people who have made terrible mistakes, Nathan putters around the apartment. Phillip comes looking for Stephanie. When Nathan answers, Phillip says he owes Nathan and thanks him.

Carly calls Chloe and says she's headed to St. Mary's. Chloe gets off and Daniel tells her they can spend the day together because his consultation was so important that it got canceled. He wants her to change her plans.

Brady is on the phone in Nicole's hovel. He's talking to the bank about her illegal offshore account. The bank brushes him off. Brady hangs up, "Nicole where did you get all this money?" Melanie calls. He tells her something is wrong.

Baker is on the phone with Nicole. She says she got bail money, "If anyone found out you're the late Dr. Baker we'd both be screwed. Go home and stay out of sight." She gets off the phone.

Roman finds one of his officers and vows to find the ne'er-do-well who tried to kill Bo.

Hope stirs. Hope wakes. Bo stares. Hope asks what's going on.

Chloe says she's going to Chicago to get tickets for Faust. "Let him get his own tickets," says Daniel, "I want to spend the day with you." Chloe rolls her eyes.

Hope asks why she is there. Bo asks what the last thing is that she remembers. She says being at Victor's, "What is going on? Is Ciara OK?"

Chloe makes a pitch for Daniel not to go. Daniel presses. He gets a call and finds out his canceled consultation is back on. "Drat the bad luck," says Chloe as she takes off like a top fuel dragster with large headlights.

Brady says he's angry but not at Melanie. He hangs up, then he calls Nicole. "I'm on my way," says Nicole, "We have so much to talk about."

"We sure do."

Bo stammers and asks what happened before Hope went to bed. "Carly came over and Vivian was there," says Hope, "They argued. It was unsettling to revisit Carly punching the knife into Lawrence's stomach. It struck a chord with me."

"Not to mention with Lawrence."

"Then," says Hope, "I took a sleeping pill and went to bed."

Bo holds up the empty bottle, "One of these?"

"Yeah," says Hope, "Why do you have that?"

"Hope, this is the answer to all your questions."

"Good," says Hope, "Ask it why I have this ridiculous hairdo."

Stephanie tells Adrienne about finding the picture of Nathan and Melanie, "He's keeping it to remember her." Adrienne advises her not to confront Nathan about it.

Phillip and Nathan talk about hospital equipment. Phillip wants Nathan's input on the proposal for additional equipment. "Great," says Nathan, "I think we need a bigger supply of razor blades to use when we bleed patients."

Phillip is glad Nathan and Stephanie are doing well, "You're all right. You're a pretty decent guy."

Nathan asks, "Are we bonding?" The new BFFs head out to co-propose.

Nicole arrives. Brady attacks like a hungry dog. He says he missed her and then, like any red-blooded guy would do, he asks about her investments. Usually the guy is more interested in the gal's assets.

Hope sees Bo's sliced hand and asks about it. Bo says it's nothing and tells her they found the mugger. He plays the tape form last night. Hope watches in horror, "What is this?" She busts into tears as the tape continues.

Daniel arrives at Maggie's place to pick up Melanie for the consult. He tells her he was planning to spend the day with Chloe, but she wasn't interested, "That was strange."

"It's pretty obvious what's going on," says Melanie, "Chloe is keeping a secret from you."

Daniel asks, "What is it? "

"I don't know," says Melanie, "She's keeping it from everyone else, too, including herself."

A baby is the most complicated object made by unskilled labor. -Chloe Lane

Carly and Chloe arrive at St. Mary's. Uh... Carly and Dana Scott, that is. Sister Anne greets them and then Chloe-Dana goes off to get ready. Sister Anne leaves. Chloe comes out, "Now I can add a nun to the people I've lied to."

Carly gives Chloe the opera tickets, "Here's your cover." Chloe can't think Carly enough. Carly is only too happy to help her new best friend.

Nicole says she's nearly broke, but wants to focus on Brady, not money. Brady is cold. Nicole wants to know if her money situation is bothering him.

Hope wails, "I would never hurt anyone."

Bo looks down at his painful, sliced up hand, "You do a pretty good job of faking it."

Suddenly Hope remembers she has a connection to the mugger, "With the Celtic symbol, I thought the mugger was trying to tell me something." Bo says they'll figure things out. Hope wonders why she would do something like this. Bo shows more of the tape, where Hopeless says the only man she wanted power over was Bo. Hope cries. She asks to see the whole video from the beginning. Bo rewinds — Something you'd never do watching DOOL.

Brady says he doesn't want Nicole to struggle and she can come to him if she needs to. "Well," says Nicole, "That's settled. So there is nothing more to talk about." So the talking stops and the doing starts. Brady hauls her backwards. Nicole slams into the door and Brady takes liberties.

"Oh, Brady," pants Nicole, "you are full of surprises!"

"So are you," says Brady.

Adrienne says she thinks Stephanie is overreacting. Phillip and Nathan walk in talking guy talk. Everyone stares.

Melanie thinks maybe Chloe has a surprise for Daniel.

I gave my love a cherry which had no stone
I gave my love a chicken which had no bone
I gave my love a baby
Which wasn't his own...

The conversation gets sappy. "Gosh," says Melanie, "You're the best dad a girl could hope for. Compared to Trent, anyway." Hugs.

Chloe can't believe how great she and Carly are getting along and wonders what if she asked Carly to be her baby's godmother. Carly thinks that would flip Victor's widget, and says she would be honored. So touching. On the grand scale of things, however it's quite unusual to know who the godmother is before knowing who the father is.

Hope can't believe what she is seeing, "OMG, what have I done?"

"It wasn't you," says Bo, "It was the sleeping pills."

Hope runs off the rails, "I DID THIS! I'm responsible. I've hurt so many people. My family, my friends. How can I face them? How can I face you?"

"However you face me, I'd prefer it to be sans butcher knife," says Bo, "We'll get through this."

"There is no fixing it," bawls Hope.

Ron White sticks his head in the door, "She's right... You can't fix stupid."

Baker paces, "Come on Nicole... get me outta here."

Roman looks at papers, "Interesting... composite sketch... something about him looks familiar. Waitaminute!" He walks into the interrogation room and looks at Baker, "It is you!"

Chloe... uh... Dana Scott is ready for her paternity test. Carly goes to get Sister Anne.

Meanwhile Sister Anne greets Daniel and they talk about his consultation, "Your patient is Donna Scott. You should meet her. She's waiting." Sister Anne turns and asks Nurse Numbskull for Donna Scott's chart.

Frothing Brady tosses half nekkind Nicole onto the bed. Half nekkind Brady dives in after her. Brady gets rough. Nicole wants more. Writhing and huffing ensues.


Nathan tells Stephanie he's helping Phillip. Things get uncomfortable and the guys decide to take it to the Penthouse Grill.

"That was weird," says Stephanie, "Phillip has been acting strange around me. He couldn't wait to get out of here."

"I saw some pretty odd behavior from him myself," says Adrienne.

Baker clams up until he gets a lawyer. Roman says he's going to run his name, "Where have I seen your face before?"

Hope says they both know what has to be done. She thanks Bo for his understanding and patience. He thanks her for not turning him into a bucket o' chum. "You have to arrest me," says Hope.

Daniel says he'll bring Melanie in as soon as he gets the OK.

Chloe, "Wonders where is that doctor?"

Viewers wonder why they have to sit through this contrived piece of... thespianism.

Adrienne says lately Phillip has been edgy since she saw him at Daniel's apartment.

Bo says they can handle things another way. Roman calls and tells Bo they have a break in the case. He asks where Hope is. Bo says she's there with him and they have some information he will be interested in, too. Bo gets off the phone and turns to Hope, "We gotta go."

Brady dresses. Nicole smooches, "That was intense."

"You weren't expecting that were you," asks Brady.

Nicole senses something might be wrong, "Brady, are you upset?"

"Why," snorts Brady, "You haven’t done anything have you? It sucks being in the dark, doesn't it? Don't you hate that? I have a news flash for you. You will never lie to me again. You know that little fling? That is the last time we will ever be together. I am done being your victim!"

Brady is taking his advice straight from the Guy Manual, "Get some, then get mad. It never works the other way around."

Adrienne tells Stephanie about her meeting with Phillip that day, "He was picking up a watch for Chloe."

Stephanie thinks that's strange, "Why would she want a watch the day after she almost got killed? I think Phillip is hiding something that has to do with Chloe." If the woman were any sharper, she could cut through warm butter.

Back at St. Mary's, Carly bumps into Melanie. Oh, the drama!

Daniel stands outside Chloe's curtain, "Miss Scott? May I pull the curtain? It's hard to grope with it hanging between us." The blood drains from Chloe's face.

Nicole asks, "Why are you so angry?"

Brady asks, "Tell me about your investments."

Nicole says, "They're risky. They might pan out, they might not. But I'm doing OK. I want to make an honest living for a change."

"You lied to me," barks Brady, "Again. You're poor right? Struggling? You're hoping some risky investments will come through? You're lying. Tell me the truth. Right now."

"Whimper."

Hope wants to get to it, "I deserve to be behind bars and I'm ready to face my punishment." Ciara runs in. Hugs... Tears... Looks... Stares...

Meanwhile, back at St. Mary's, a woman walks in who could easily pass as Chloe's twin sister, "Hi. I'm Diana Scott. I'm here for my sex-change operation."

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze

Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE


14 Comments:

Anonymous Berg said...

For crying out loud - raise your hand if you think Hope is going to turn herself in and do jail time? No one?? I rest my case.

I love that Brady had every intention of being really pissed at Nicole but banged one out first anyways. Hilarious.

And the show continues to paint women every where as Lying, killing, brainless, clueless, weak, baby stealing, rubber bumper wearing, big boobies, drug abusing, slutbag whores.

Thanks DOOL - you set the women's movement back what? A decade?

4:33 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Lying, killing, brainless, clueless, weak, baby stealing, rubber bumper wearing, big boobies, drug abusing, slutbag whores.

Love it. Of course, I'll feel free to use any or all of it in future posts. Especially "slutbag."

5:03 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

We pan up from a plate of muffins. English muffins for those of you who can't live without every breathtaking detail about the show.

Original or whole wheat?

The bank brushes him off.

As well, they should. It’s called “privacy”. However, this is a first - a Salem business or institution acting appropriately and within the law.

Drat the bad luck," says Chloe as she takes off like a top fuel dragster with large headlights.

Prevuze – you are tooooooooooo much! LOL!!!!!!!!

"Great," says Nathan, "I think we need a bigger supply of razor blades to use when we bleed patients."

Don’t forget the leaches.

So touching. On the grand scale of things, however it's quite unusual to know who the godmother is before knowing who the father is.

You know. I was thinking the same thing. If the baby is Phillip’s and Carly threatens to expose her secret, is Chloe going to ungodmother Carly? Bleh! I have to admit the Carly/Chloe/Daniel/Melanie scenes do serve a purpose. By zapping through them, I can reduce my DOOL viewing time by at least 10 minutes.

"It wasn't you," says Bo, "It was the sleeping pills."

Wow! Those sleeping pills hit healthy men in the head hard enough to give them concussions. That’s powerful stuff. The manufacturers of the little blue pill are probably taking notes.

Frothing Brady tosses half nekkind Nicole onto the bed. Half nekkind Brady dives in after her. Brady gets rough. Nicole wants more. Writhing and huffing ensues.

Prevuze should take a stab – snicker, snicker – at writing romance novels.

Roman makes a special guest appearance, and he’s the one that recognizes Dr. Baker. Have they ever shared a scene together? Just askin’.

Thank you for sharing Brady’s “to do” list. Poor guy is going to have to go to St. Mary’s for the STD test. Since she does get around, I wonder if they have a special file for Nicole’s cooties. Last but not least is a shout out for the incredibly hysterical censored link!! Naughty, naughty Prevuze!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!

5:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well you have to admit there is a huge difference between an english muffin and a blueberry muffin......

6:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"It wasn't you," says Bo, "It was the sleeping pills."

One thing is sure. DOOL won´t get a product placement from any drug manufacturing company for a long, long time.

6:23 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

"Good," says Hope, "Ask it why I have this ridiculous hairdo."

Amen! She’d have been a much better looking bad-ass if she’d just slicked her hair down and pulled it back. The teased-up 60’s “do” is not a good look.

My Huh?! moment:
"Where have I seen your face before?"

I thought Roman recognized him. What was the, “It IS you” routine about then?

Just how far would the "It was the pills" defense fly if the deranged mugger who attempted to murder a police officer not once, but twice wasn't a Brady or a Horton?

I'm with Leslie, except for watching Hope's reaction to seeing herself foam at the mouth, this will totally be zap-city. What a worthless episode.

Only the Prevuze gems like BB's To Do List, censored link and I'd give my love a cherry riff made even reading about this drivel bearable. A big shout-out to Prevuze for suffering through it for us!

6:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great Prevuze today. I just have one question...Who the hell is writing this crap?

6:48 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Great Prevuze today. I just have one question...Who the hell is writing this crap?

I write the blog all by myself. Every day.

7:06 AM  
Anonymous NeeNee said...

Love it. Of course, I'll feel free to use any or all of it in future posts. Especially "slutbag."

. . . . . . .

Back in my daughter's day
(mid-1980's), they were referred to as "slut-puppies."

Thanx, everyone, for the daily dose of snark & black humor. Although I read the site daily, I'm actually six weeks behind watching the stack of VCR-taped episodes.

7:09 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

If the baby is Phillip’s and Carly threatens to expose her secret, is Chloe going to ungodmother Carly?

I don't think Chloe is bright enough to find the "ungodmother" button on Facebook.

Prevuze – you are tooooooooooo much! LOL!!!!!!!!

and

Naughty, naughty Prevuze!!!!!


I live for moments like that. As you can see I don't have much of a life.

Prevuze should take a stab – snicker, snicker – at writing romance novels.

Since I write about DOOL every day, don't I qualify as a writer of Bad Romance? CLICK HERE for the Prevuze take on Bad Romance.

The teased-up 60’s “do” is not a good look.

Apparently Baker likes it.

Although I read the site daily, I'm actually six weeks behind watching the stack of VCR-taped episodes.

Sounds like a good start on a great bonfire.

7:36 AM  
Anonymous Emily said...

I keep waiting for Hopeless' hair to be used as a product placement for bumpits.

8:30 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Oh my Lord. I hope in a couple of months we (and Brady Brady) aren't subjected to Nicole's "miracle baby II". Altho if it does happen it couldn't really be called a miracle baby could it? Wouldn't it be more of a regular occurrence?

Thank you, Prevuze, for #7 on Brady's list. I've been trying to think of Daniel's real last name for the last two days. I've called him Dr. Gropefeel for so long I couldn't think of it!

LOL, Emily, over your comment about Hope's hair. As well as Prevuze' "Ask it why I have this ridiculous hairdo." Kristian Alfonso must think it looks cool since she looked just like that as Princess Gina. I don't know why someone on the hair and makeup crew doesn't give her a clue.

I also enjoyed the Ron White reference and the terrific censored link. That always makes my day. :D Thanks, Prevuze.

8:40 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

the 'pills' defense doesn;t even always work for the Hortons. Look at poor Nick. Not only is he in prison, but his gradnmother(aunt?)Maggie has forgotten all about him and has transferred all her affections over to the person partly responsible for his demise.

10:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So sorry, Prevuze, when I asked who writes this crap, I meant DOOL. Sometimes my fingers get ahead of my brain! You do a great job making something interesting and enjoyable out of such stupid and unbelievable storylines. As I've said before, I wouldn't even watch this stuff if not for Ejami. Yes, I know the writers are ruining Sami & EJ's characters, but I do love looking at EJ.

11:40 AM  

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