Friday, December 19, 2008

The Twelve Days (Of Our Lives) Of Christmas

Well, guys, there was no feed this morning. No sound, no picture, no signal no nothin'. Frankly, it was the best episode of DOOL I've seen in a long time. So, here's the plan: I will continue to monitor the channel for a feed, so check back in to see if we got something. If no feed comes, I will post the episode tomorrow from the Canadian broadcast. In the meantime, since I couldn't expect you to suffer through a Friday without a Prevuze episode, here is the item I was going to post tomorrow:

The following should be sung to the tune of "The Twelve Days Of Christmas" and, each time when you get to number five, for best effect, an angelic choir should kick in.

On the first day of Christmas DOOL gave to me,
A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

On the second day of Christmas, DOOL gave to me,
Two fake baby bumpers,
And A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

On the third day of Christmas, DOOL gave to me,
Three granny humpers,
Two fake baby bumpers,
And A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas, DOOL gave to me,
Four elevator rompers,
Three granny humpers,
Two fake baby bumpers,
And A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, DOOL gave to me,
[angelic choir, please...]
FIVE SHIRTLESS GUYS,
Four elevator rompers,
Three granny humpers,
Two fake baby bumpers,
And A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas, DOOL gave to me,
Six sluts a-slummin',
FIVE SHIRTLESS GUYS,
Four elevator rompers,
Three granny humpers,
Two fake baby bumpers,
And A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas, DOOL gave to me,
Seven missing kids,
Six sluts a-slummin',
FIVE SHIRTLESS GUYS,
Four elevator rompers,
Three granny humpers,
Two fake baby bumpers,
And A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, DOOL gave to me,
Eight DiMera pawns,
Seven missing kids,
Six sluts a-slummin',
FIVE SHIRTLESS GUYS,
Four elevator rompers,
Three granny humpers,
Two fake baby bumpers,
And A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas, DOOL gave to me,
Nine bumbling Salem cops,
Eight DiMera pawns,
Seven missing kids,
Six sluts a-slummin',
FIVE SHIRTLESS GUYS,
Four elevator rompers,
Three granny humpers,
Two fake baby bumpers,
And A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas, DOOL gave to me,
Ten SORASed babies,
Nine bumbling Salem cops,
Eight DiMera pawns,
Seven missing kids,
Six sluts a-slummin',
FIVE SHIRTLESS GUYS,
Four elevator rompers,
Three granny humpers,
Two fake baby bumpers,
And A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, DOOL gave to me,
Eleven recycled scripts,
Ten SORASed babies,
Nine bumbling Salem cops,
Eight DiMera pawns,
Seven missing kids,
Six sluts a-slummin',
FIVE SHIRTLESS GUYS,
Four elevator rompers,
Three granny humpers,
Two fake baby bumpers,
And A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, DOOL gave to me,
Twelve returning corpses,
Eleven recycled scripts,
Ten SORASed babies,
Nine bumbling Salem cops,
Eight DiMera pawns,
Seven missing kids,
Six sluts a-slummin',
FIVE SHIRTLESS GUYS,
Four elevator rompers,
Three granny humpers,
Two fake baby bumpers,
And A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

And, ONE-MORE-TIME! For the guys this time...

On the twelfth day of Christmas, DOOL gave to me,
Twelve returning corpses,
Eleven recycled scripts,
Ten SORASed babies,
Nine bumbling Salem cops,
Eight DiMera pawns,
Seven missing kids,
Six sluts a-slummin',
FIVE SHIRTLESS GALS,
Four elevator rompers,
Three granny humpers,
Two fake baby bumpers,
And A dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree.

May you find what you want under your Christmas tree. Especially on day five...

19 Comments:

Anonymous joydoctor said...

Prevuze, your song sums up DOOL perfectly. Thank you.

5:09 AM  
Blogger Rebekah said...

I'll be singing that one all day. Thanks guys!!!

5:21 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

Thanks for thinking of us guys! I'd settle for ONE shirtless Stephanie :)

6:06 AM  
Blogger Rayna said...

Prevuze, how about you go write for the show? At least then it would be worth watching!

Great song, it is the best Christmas carol I have heard this season.

6:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is truly inspired! And entirely truthy.

6:32 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Thank you, Prevuze. That was much more entertaining than DOOL is. Not as fun as your take on an episode, but a great, temporary fix.

Mike - Stephanie HAS been all but shirtless in her last two outfits. LOLOL

6:46 AM  
Anonymous Betyar said...

How wonderful! Now I can add the DOOL Christmas carol to the list of inappropriate songs I can sing if I'm ever forced to audition for my church choir. If my off pitch soprano doesn't dissuade them, than this song surely will. I'll call it plan B! Thanks Prevuze, that was great. It made MY morning :)

6:50 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Prevuze, you made my day, too! Especially the twelve returning corpses. I don't care if I did LOL in the middle of the office. I'll never hear the real song again without substituting these lyrics.

Thanks for the great song on a Friday. TGIP!!

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Scolly said...

My favorite is the three granny humpers. HAHAHAHA

Great job!

7:35 AM  
Anonymous chris said...

OMG that was brilliant! I snorted coffee up my nose.
Thanks!

8:14 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

Applause, applause!

Being another victim of the great Midwest ice fest, I count myself lucky to at least have power.
Here's hoping you can get the feed sometime today.

8:38 AM  
Anonymous LB said...

This was awesome! Thanks, Prevuze. I'd rather read this stuff than the show. You are amazing.

9:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm envisioning Nadjia [sp?] using this on her next CD. Can't you just hear her singing it in her best, operatic style?

It will rank right up there with those other Christmas classics like "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" or "I Want A Hippopotumus for Chrismas"!

KOTU

10:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I kinda like Hilda and will be sorry to have her killed off DOOL. She offered a bit of comic relief on DOOL.

What with Sami really being pregnant, you would think the writers would NOT have her fall so much on the show huh?

10:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you PREVUZE!!!!
You made a dreary icy snowy day more "BAREable" with day number FIVE of your Twelve "Daze" Song.

11:04 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

Oh, Prevuze, that was the bomb!! However, are you sure there is only one dim bulb on the Horton Christmas tree? I would be surprised if you found a bright one in the bunch.

Thank you for the holiday cheer. I needed it after spending 2 1/2 hours shoveling snow. I found out the hard way that it probably would have been a good idea to drain the gas out of the snow blower last spring.

1:24 PM  
Anonymous WingNut '75 said...

My only question is, do I get to pick the 5 shirtless gals on my Christmas tree? I'd say Stephanie and Chloe would be 1 and 2, but their outfits (especially Stephanie's as of late) haven't left much else to the imagination. Choices, choices...

Leslie -
You only needed your snowblower for the first time today? Count yourself lucky! Mine's been getting a regular workout since before Thanksgiving!

You know the weather's bad when you almost get stuck in the snow at a traffic light in a 4-wheel drive truck! But, thankfully Prevuze was here once again to brighten my day.

1:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh my god u guys make laugh so hard today !!! i love your site it makes me smile and laugh everytime i read it. thanks guys keep it up!!!

1:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is friggin hysterical! I laughed so hard I almost peed myself!
You all have such wonderful imaginations and we are very grateful to you all for it!
Have a wonderful holiday season everyone :)
And thanks for all your hard work.

10:28 PM  

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