Thursday, January 22, 2009

I'm Not Lying – I'm Rearranging The Facts

The monotonous beep of the machines in John's room clashes with the monotonous and irritating John and Marlena tinkle music playing in the background as Marlena vows her love and we flashback, flashback, flashback... Tender scenes of love and their life together flood the TV screen... meeting... wedding... undressing... another wedding... having fun in the park... another wedding... watching Abe Lincoln give the Gettysburg address... another wedding...

John's eyes pop open, "I remember... all of it, Doc. Especially you." Oh, the tears!

Kate shows up at the Horton cabin. She's confused about the trip switcheroo, "Where's Chloe?"

"You tell me," says Loserclueless.

Chloe and Daniel start the preliminaries. Chloe backs off, "We can't do this again!"

"YES WE CAN!"

EJ arrives at the mansion looking for Nicole, "Where the devil is she?"

Sami kneels at the convent altar as Nicole comes in and watches. "Dear God," prays Sami, "I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Me neither," says God, "Those scenes of you and Rafe are more boring than moving a glacier."

John remembers everything. Kayla comes in and Marlena tells her the good news. Kayla says she thought that might happen. Marlena senses something is wrong. What else would you expect?

EJ asks Stefano if he has seen Nicole, "If she's gone to Chicago I'll chase her down and drive her back." Stefano says he hasn't seen her and he is on his way to Italy to save the fortunes of the DiMera clan.

Sami prays. Nicole rushes up and screams, "How could you do this to me? You are nothing but a lying, two-faced whore!"

"That's not true," says Sami, "I'm not two faced."

Enraged Nicole vows to be the one to give EJ a child. She says it wasn't supposed to be Sami, "I want to rip that baby from you!"

Sami cowers and screams for help, as Nicole uses the statue of the Blessed Mother as a murder weapon...

OK, Fantasy over. Nicole comes up to Sami and stares.

Kayla says, "John's central nervous system has had a catastrophic episode. If he stays here even one more day, his chances of recovery are slim."

Prevuze

Marlena says she didn't get him back to lose him so they will take him anywhere, "But where can we go?"

"The unemployment bureau."

Stefano tells EJ he is going to Rome, but will be back tomorrow, "It's one of those budget tours." He gets a call, "Dear God!"

Daniel and Chloe decide she should go. She starts to leave, but, are you kidding? They clamp themselves together like a couple of electromagnets on high voltage.

Lucas tells Kate he is the one who canceled the trip to Vancouver. He tells her about Sami's call and Kate has a cow, "Lucas, I know the two of you share history, children and an IQ lower than Death Valley, but whatever she touches she destroys."

Sister Teresa comes in with lunch and Nicole runs out. Sami don' wan' no stinkin' lunch because she's so worried about Rafe. Sister Teresa assures Sami Rafe can handle himself. Sami says she's prayed and decided the sister needs her to take the baby until Sami can figure out something else. Sister Teresa agrees. Nicole listens through the door. Sister Teresa asks where Sami will be giving birth. Apparently the fact that she has to think about something like that is news to Sami.

Lucas says he's tried to call Chloe but he gets voicemail. He wonders if Daniel might know something.

Chloe... Daniel... slow motion... skin... body parts... soft porn... filler...

Stefano gets off the phone and tells EJ John was attacked and poisoned and he may not recover, "How could this happen?"

"Really bad writing and budget cuts would be my guess," says EJ. Stefano goes into a rage. EJ says he will take the trip instead so Stefano can go see John.

Kayla tells Marlena about a facility in Switzerland that specializes in ridiculous cases that defy reality and have no basis in medical fact. Marlena runs out and gets Brady. Brady walks in. John recognizes him and we have the big reunion, "SON! Let's bond. Did you bring your bong? "

Chloe and Daniel lie entwined on the couch and softly caress the naked body parts that can be shown on TV. Chloe says she knows when she looks in Daniel's eyes there is more there than lust. Daniel refuses to be ashamed of his feelings for her, "Let's end this deception. Let's tell everyone the truth."

Lucas says Daniel might know where Chloe is. He tells Kate about Daniel showing up at the cabin. Kate thinks that's strange. She stops Lucas from calling Daniel and says she has a better idea, "I think it would be more fun for me to walk in on them in the act."

Brady comes out of John's room and finds Marlena standing with Roman. He sends Marlena back in.

Inside, John tells Marlena he can't move his arms and legs. Stefano rushes in and finds Roman and Brady staring at the walls.

Sister Mary Whoozits tells Nicole she will inform sister Teresa Nicole is there and will not let anyone else know about it. She leaves and Nicole says, "If I can pull this off everything will work out." She gets a call – EJ. He asks what she is up to and she tells him she went for a walk, "Do I get a demerit for that?"

"No," says EJ, "You get a DiMerat." He tells her he has to go off on business.

Sister Teresa walks into the room as Nicole talks, takes out a megaphone and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Bless you, my child."

EJ overhears and asks, "Where are you?"

Nicole says a nun just passed her as she was walking. She says she understands about the business trip. EJ will stay in touch. Nicole hangs up and Sister Teresa asks why she lied when she was on the phone.

Nicole says, "I'm not lying – I'm rearranging the facts. And I need your help."

Daniel and Chloe argue about whether they should tell the world about their steamy affair and undying love for each other. "We can't do that," says Chloe, "That would be too much work. Instead, we could just tell Maggie."

Kate and Lucas talk about Kate's feelings for Daniel and Lucas' feelings for Chloe and then Kate leaves.

Marlena tells John the drug has destroyed his central nervous system.

"So I can't walk or move," asks John.

"That's right," says Marlena

"Then get out," snorts John, "Never look back."

"Wait," says Marlena, "You're only paralyzed from the neck down. You can still squint."

"Oh," says John, "That's different. I guess things will be OK then."


Marlena vows, "I'll stick by you through thick and thin, by gum, and You'll recover and we'll be together for all the Days Of Our Lives. Just being with you is enough. I will work and we will work and we will get you well. As God as my witness, they're not going to lick us. We're going to live through this, and when it's all over, we'll be together. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill; as God as my witness, I'll never be hungry again! "

"I have something to ask you," says John, "Will you marry me... again? Now? Right here. Before we go."

Marlena says she will go make the arrangements, "I have a standing order at the florist and a lifetime subscription to Brides' Magazine."

Outside, Marlena gives everyone the news. She sends the group in and goes for Father Jansen, who has nothing better to do. Stefano tells her he had nothing to do with John's condition. Marlena don' give a flying leap because he can't hurt them any more.

Chloe tells Daniel she loves him as she gets ready to go. They get a simultaneous call and knock at the door. Daniel gets the phone and sends Chloe to the door. He says it's OK for her to do that, because he's expecting test results. Outside, Kate knocks. Chloe hesitates at the door.

Father Jansen begins the ceremony. Stefano watches from outside. Of course, Marlena has a few things to say.

"Do I recall," asks Father Jansen, "That you've exchanged vows before?"

"That's right," says John, "We do it with the regularity of Halley's Comet. In fact our first ceremony was when it came around in 1910."

Irritating tinkle music plays as Marlena says she and John were meant to be together. She just knew the love of her life was inside John's vapid void. Every time they got back together their bond got stronger, "I will always be by your side, John.,, Changing your catheter... Adjusting your bedpan..."

Lucas leaves a voicemail for Chloe and tells her he wants her to come home.

Kate waits at the door but finally gives up and leaves. Chloe opens the door, sees Kate walking away, jumps out of her skin and hustles back into the apartment.

EJ scribbles a note for Nicole and leaves.

Nicole tells sister Teresa her name is Mary. I wonder where she got that idea. She says she comes from a strict Catholic family who would disown her if they found out she was pregnant. She asks Sister Teresa to pray that her family doesn't find out and, of course, she can't have the baby in Salem. She says she's taken care of that, however. Sister Teresa thinks this quite is a coincidence.

Sami prays for Rafe to come back safely. She hears rustling behind her, "Rafe!" She turns to look.

Roman and Brady are witnesses as the ceremony continues. Roman can't believe what a big part he's had in today's episode.

John says, "Marlena, you are the reason I wake up every morning. Because once I see you, I know things can only get better from there."

Father Jansen wraps up the ceremony, "You may kiss the bride." Closer... closer... closer... She takes crippled, crumpled John into her arms and he kisses the lovely Marlena Evans-Craig-Bradford-Brady-Black-North-Black-DiMera-Black-DiMera.

25 Comments:

Anonymous Berg said...

And the nightmare continues....

Darn it - old John is back. That would be funny if he starts squinting immediately. So is today their last show or tomorrow? Not a grand send off is it? I wonder if they will have the goodbyes tomorrow. This show is nuttier than the recalled peanut butter.

LoserClueLess ia a great name by the way. It suits Lucas nicely. Show of hands...how many want to fast forward until we are past the upcoming (wow what a surprise, shocker)baby switching storyline that we all could see coming for months? OH pick me, pick me!

3:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh this is just ridiculous. No one is ever completely happy in Salem. Soap operas are "supposed" to be fantasy, something people want to be a part of... however who in their right mind would want to imagine being a part of Salem?! TPTB shouldn't have renewed this nonsense.

5:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for prevuze. I've enjoyed it more than the show most of the time.

After this amazingly awful send off for my favorite couple, which I will completely ignore, I will happily never even want to see a preview for Days any more.

Thanks for making this somewhat bearable.

5:19 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

John's eyes pop open, "I remember... all of it, Doc. Especially you." Oh, the tears!

Break out the tissues everyone and stuff them in your ears. Watching this drivel is a challenge but listening to it is truly agonizing.

"Where's Chloe?"

"You tell me," says Loserclueless.


Loserclueless…that certainly is a tidy description of Salem’s resident village idiot.

Kayla says, "John's central nervous system has had a catastrophic episode. If he stays here even one more day, his chances of recovery are slim."

This actually means that if DOOL continues to have to pay Deirdre and Drake’s salaries the chances of them staying within their budget are slim. Before axing John and Marlena, TPTB could have started with Melanie, Dr. Creepy, and Roman. It’s obvious DOOL need to tighten things up a bit but, come one, John and Marlena?

Chloe... Daniel... slow motion... skin... body parts... soft porn... filler...

…undoubtedly accompanied by that stupid saxophone music.

EJ says he will take the trip instead so Stefano can go see John.

EJ doesn’t want Nicole out of his sight because he wants to be with her for the “birth” of their baby. Now, he’s running off to Rome for a day trip that will turn into a month trip so he can conveniently miss the blessed event. We now have proof positive that the DOOL scribes have completed and passed with honors Hackneyed Writing 101.

"Let's end this deception. Let's tell everyone the truth."

The truth is that Dan is a horn dog, and Chloe is a shameless hussy.

If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill; as God as my witness, I'll never be hungry again!"

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Marlena is channeling her inner Scarlett.

Marlena don' give a flying leap because he can't hurt them any more.

Unless they meet on another soap.

Nicole has a neon sign attached to her forehead flashing “lying slam hog”, and Sister Teresa is going to buy into her story. Geez. Since we’ve all completed DOOL 101 and passed the course with honors, we know where this is going…Dr. Baker!

This is a rather ignominious end to the Jarlena saga or is it the end? My guess is that at some point John and Marlena will eventually be dragged out of the dumpster, and we’ll be able to “enjoy” that annoying tinkle music once again. Thanks for a great update Prevuze!

5:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stefano says he is going to Rome, but will be back tomorrow? Proof the writers are out of touch with reality!

6:09 AM  
Anonymous Ellie said...

Prevuze, as I'm not going to be watching anymore because my last reasons for caring about the show are on a plane to Switzerland, I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for your day ahead commentaries. VERY much appreciated and I think we all take them for granted sometimes.

As for tomorrow's show... I can't believe it ends like that! No, um, GOODBYE? You know, you have these actors who've been on for 30 and 23 years, respectively, it might be nice to allow them some sort of farewell scenes. Or farewell STORY, for that matter. And flashbacks? After tomorrow, that's all we'll have, so how nice that Days eats up J&M's screen time with them now. Sigh. The only creative thing Days has done here is come up with new ways to disappoint the viewers. It's really hard to imagine J&M's exit written any worse than it was here.

6:20 AM  
Blogger Klaus said...

Goodbye Jawn. *sigh* Hello John. I am so disappointed. Another self righteous dogooder.

And wtf is with this fly to Rome in a day nonsense. Is that even possible!?

"How could this happen?"
Wait... so Stefano suddenly cares about John's welfare.

I feel a bit sad for Teresa having to deal with all these pregnant 'nuttier than fruitcake' people.

if I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill; as God as my witness, I'll never be hungry again! "
Haha. Tacks on so very nicely.

6:30 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Here’s a HUH?! moment:
Kayla says she thought that might happen.

From an overdose of muscle relaxant? Relaxed those clenched brain cells and just let all the memories out did it?

"But where can we go?" "The unemployment bureau."

Cruel, but unfortunately, true. Bye Jawn. Bye Doc.

"Lucas, I know the two of you share history, children and an IQ lower than Death Valley,…

Damn! Clean-up on my keyboard, please! When will I learn?

"How could this happen?" "Really bad writing and budget cuts would be my guess," says EJ.

Cruel, but fortunately funny as hell.

Marlena tells John the drug has destroyed his central nervous system.

But he can still think, talk, breathe, squint, and all those other things that the central nervous system does?? TLT

"I will always be by your side, John.,, Changing your catheter... Adjusting your bedpan..."

ROFLMAO – it’s prevuisms like this that make me glad I’m off in my own little office and can laugh like a loon without fear of co-workers calling for the men in white coats.

Thanks Prevuze for this great recap and for the great pictures. Bulldog, a special thanks for the further adventures of Shawn.

7:10 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

"But where can we go?" "The unemployment bureau."

Cruel, but unfortunately, true. Bye Jawn. Bye Doc.

"How could this happen?" "Really bad writing and budget cuts would be my guess," says EJ.

Cruel, but fortunately funny as hell.


I guess I was feeling exceptionally cruel today.

7:56 AM  
Blogger Josephine said...

Pathetic. Truly pathetic.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad John's memories are back and they are married again, but this send-off overall couldn't have been much worse.

They don't say goodbye to their family and friends. John is paralyzed from the neck down and cannot even embrace Marlena. Way to emasculate John, Ms. Higley!!! :( It's like they figured they knew they had to do something good (remarry them before they leave since they screwed that up with the divorce storyline anyway), but then decided to intentionally imagine the worst ending ever and give it to them.

This sort of ending for the characters, their fans, and especially two actors that have given so many years, loyalty and success to the show, is utterly dispicable.

8:07 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Actually, for some reason what made me almost do a coffee spit-take was "Sister Mary Whoozits". HAHAHAHA

So let me get this straight...once Nicole sees the kids are conveniently born at the same time she will take Sami's and give Mia's to the orphanage saying it's Sami's....oh the humanity!

Although not quite the most idiotic way to have a couple leave (think Carrie and Mike on a white horse) it really is a lame way to get John and Marlena off the program. I'm with you, Klaus, I think the biggest loss here is the character of Jawn. :(

Only a few of the great Prevuisms: "Tender scenes of watching Abe Lincoln give the Gettysburg address" and "That would be too much work. Instead, we could just tell Maggie." True!! WHY didn't they just have Kate walk in on the gruesome twoesome and GET ON WITH IT!!!

Thank you, Prevuze, for once again taking it on the chin to bring us our morning entertainment. :D

8:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't even read the baby switching, it is so painfully predictable!! You just want to fast forward to the end where Nicole gets caught. You know the baby is going to look like Sami, and she already has two other kids with EJ so they are going to look very similar, and not at all like Nicole.....ummm how will she cover that up........... So stupid !!

I agree if this is the only John and Marelna send off, then what a kick in the pants to both of them.

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if old john is back i'm glad they're leaving town a.s.a.p.

i'm also glad i don't have to watch that nonsense.

i saw the j&m previews, simply horrid.

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does anyone else think that it looks more like Mimi than Nicole in that statue picture? LOLOL

KOTU

9:47 AM  
Blogger heather said...

Kayla tells Marlena about a facility in Switzerland that specializes in ridiculous cases that defy reality and have no basis in medical fact.

LOL! How true.

"Do I get a demerit for that?"

"No," says EJ, "You get a DiMerat."


With a pun like that, I have to post this link: http://www.instantrimshot.com/

10:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prevuze thanks for all the laughs! This is my first and last post. This is also my last week watching days. I started watching when I was at my grandmother's house at the beginning of the show. I am finally tired enough of all the writing to just say enough is enough.

12:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

With the departure of John and Marlena, I'm taking the bookmark for this page off my browser. Prevuze, you will be missed. Thanks for making the terrible writing a source of humor.

3:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow: Marlena Evans-Craig-Bradford-Brady-Black-North-Black-DiMera-Black-DiMera. LOL

Bah! Doc and crumpled up, John are finally reunited and DOOL ships them off to Switzerland never to be seen again.

4:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"But where can we go?" "The unemployment bureau."

Cruel, but unfortunately, true. Bye Jawn. Bye Doc.

Awww, that's okay Prevuze. Just think of it this way... no more irritating Jawn and Marlena tinkle music. hee hee!

5:10 PM  
Anonymous Scolly said...

Even if I did quit watching the show I'd still read Prevuze for the great entertainment!

5:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They can keep Deidre and Drake and cut just as much off the budget by making Chloe go without makeup for a few days. It just doesn't see healthy to have that much Max Factor around your eyes. And, if she gets any more ditsey acting, I'm telling the mayor's killer where SHE lives. So, she slips and tells that Sami is pregnant. Then, SHUT UP. Let Nicole think it's Luca's kid. No. She has to vomit up ALLLLL the juicy details and the whole time she's looking like an apologetic little five year old. AUUUGGGGHHH. If she's suppose to be acting this way, then great job, Actor. I keep forgetting her real name.
What's to come of Charlotte now?
John and Marlena heading off to Switzerland huh? Nice. Now, they can spend some time with Will and Carrie in never never land.
I loved the scene with Lucas and Daniel. Lucas with that irritating brow furrow pestering Dan to hurry up and say what he had to say. Don't hurry Daniel to say anything. Don't you know he has to go through at least 6 shows of flashbacks before he can think of his next line? A body like that comes with a price....your mind.

6:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought an interesting thought about EJ and Nicole. If she's been telling him they can't do all the fun stuff cause Dr. Baker says she has a high risk pregnancy, then, why all the sudden is it ok for her to pull up roots and fly to Chicago all alone? She didn't think that one through too well, huh?
I liked when Lucas convinced Dan that Allie couldn't make it without Chloe. Ok folks,...show of hands here....has ANYone out there seen Chloe with Allie in the last three months? Let's tell the truth. Allie, Ciara and Giovanni can't make it without Carolina, Julie or Maggie.
I also liked when Hope looked at the picture and told Marlena, " Don't let the crazy lady win." She knows all about that. Remember the Ava crazy days?

6:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with Scolly. I barely watch the show now. That doesn't stop me from craving my daily dose of Prevuze!!

KOTU

6:39 PM  
Anonymous Betyar said...

Watching DOOL today = one wasted hour!
Bulldog's pic of Shawn today = Priceless!

Lets not forget Chloe's padded bras if we're proposing DOOL budget cuts. Mega savings!

9:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aww, no more Jawn.
Love the unemployment comment.
And with that we say 'buh-bye'. No more suck face!

8:29 AM  

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