Friday, January 23, 2009

Bad Guy Wins

Sister Teresa asks if "Mary" has made provisions for delivery. Mary Nicole says she has and gives gives Sister Teresa a card with the name of Dr. Baker's clinic on it. She asks Sister Teresa to keep their talk confidential.

Sami finishes her prayer and turns to find Sister Mary Whoosits in the sanctuary. She asks the Sister to escort her to Sister Teresa's office.

Rafe is tied up in his chair and half conscious. Sleazo gets in his face, "Rise and shine tough guy! Are you ready to talk?" Rafe don' know nuttin'. If that's the case, Sleazo decides there is no point in keeping him alive.

Patch and Kayla, Bo and Hope drink to John and Marlena at the pub. Abe joins them and asks to speak to Bo. They go off and Abe tells Bo they need to ramp up the search for the suspect.

"I'm doing the best I can," says Bo.

"That's not good enough, "scolds Abe.

"OK," says Bo, "We'll get on it. I'll double the donut order."

"Good," says Abe, "And while you're at it, you might actually try spending some time in the office."

Sister Teresa assures Mary Nicole, "My lips are sealed."

"Good," says Mary Nicole, "I need you to keep this confidential."

"That's not why my lips are sealed," says the Sister, "I'm afraid I mistook crazy glue for lip balm."

Sami runs up to Sister Teresa's door in a panic and starts banging and whining for Sister Teresa to let her in. Mary Nicole also panics and begs Sister Teresa not to open the door. Sister Teresa hauls Mary Nicole out the back way as Sami rushes in.

Abe says he knows Bo is working his tail off but needs him to work harder. Bo gets defensive.

Lexie comes in with Theo and everyone in the pub oohs and aahs. Theo smiles and hugs his mommy. He'll break her heart later.

Abe does a 180° and thanks Bo for calling the ambulance, which of course, saved Theo's life. Suddenly Bo gets a vision...

Prevuze

Rafe tells Sleazo to go ahead and pull the trigger. He works his bindings while Sleazo taunts. Rafe asks who hired him to kill the mayor. Sleazo won't answer, but he tells Rafe he found something of Rafe's. He holds a taser in front of Rafe's face, "Why don't I just shook it out of you?"

ZAPZAPZAPZAPZAP!

Sister Teresa hustles back into her office and Sami asks who was there, like it's any of her business. "I heard voices," says Sami.

Mary Nicole listens as Sister Teresa lies and says she was praying. Sister Teresa keeps piling on the lies and says she was praying for Sami. Sami thanks her for keeping the baby at the convent as Mary Nicole grabs and earful.

More lies – Sister Teresa says she was praying Sami would have a change of heart. Sami says having the baby with this guy is her biggest mistake and he can never find out. Mary Nicole rustles.

"What was that," asks Sami.

Bo tells Hope Abe just bawled him out about the hunt for the assassin. Hope defends Bo. Bo throws a glance toward Patch, "I need to think outside the box."

"That's a good idea," says Hope, "Since your box is empty."

They go back to the table. Bo takes Patch aside for "another round."

Meanwhile, Lexie announces she promised Theo a big ole piece of chocolate cake when he got out of the hospital. Abe nearly falls off his chair, "HE CAN'T HAVE CHOCOLATE CAKE!"

"Don't worry," says Lexie, "I've had Caroline whip up one of her gluten-free chocolate cakes for him." Translation: Gluten-free = taste-free.

Bo tells Patch he wants his help. Patch reminds Bo he has an entire police force at his disposal. "Yeah," says Bo, "But they're cops and you're not. You might be able to get something done. But I'll understand if you don't want to do it."

Patch is rarin' to go after Stefano, "Nothin' would make me happier than to bust that two-tone goatee bastard."

Patch walks off. Bo's vision continues.

Sami asks what the rustling sound was. Sister Teresa continues her fibfest, "It was Sister Mary Bumblingidiot. Her room is next to my office and she's not very quiet."

God takes out his grade book and gives Sister Teresa an "F" in the ninth commandment.

Sami asks what if the father of her baby comes to the convent. She wants to know if Sister Teresa would have a problem lying to him about her baby. Sister Teresa says telling a lie would definitely be a problem, "I could never lie."

God buries his head in his hands, "I've gotta have a long talk with that girl."

Sleazo tries to wake Rafe. He gets no response. He looks at the taser, sees it's set on "FRY" instead of "STUN" and tosses it across the room. He kicks Rafe, "Wake up! You hear me? You can't die! Open your eyes!"

Patch comes back to Bo and says, "You've got something on your mind."

"I guess there's a first time for everything," says Bo, "But I can't tell you what's going on." Then he proceeds to tell everything, "I'm having visions."

"You mean like that woman on Medium," asks Patch, "Man! Flash the wining lotto number and split it with me!" Bo tells him to cut it out and describes seeing Theo's accident, "And now I've had another vision. I think Hope was in it."

Patch asks, "What did you see?"

Bo says, "It wasn't what I saw. It felt like death."

Prevuze

Sami assures Sister Teresa the baby's father would never come there since he doesn't know about the baby. Mary Nicole soaks it in. Sister Teresa rewrites the bible, "You know my child, our Blessed Mother was in the same situation."

"Not really," says Sami, "She told everyone who the real father was and that's why you have a job." Sami whines until Sister Teresa can't take it any more and promises to keep her secret. She tells Sami she found a clinic where she can give birth. Sami is relieved. Sister Teresa hustles Sami out.

Mary Nicole comes back into Sister Teresa's office. She tells Sister Teresa she's given her hope.

Rafe has been faking unconsciousness. He works his hands loose and jumps Sleazo.

Bo rambles on about his visions. He tells Patch he thinks he's got to get Hope off the murder investigation.

Meanwhile, back at the table, Kayla mentions she has to get home to L'il Joe.

That perks Theo up, "BABY JOE! WHERE IS HE?"

"That's what his daddy and I are wondering," says Kayla. Abe wonders how Kayla and Hope do it, "How do you manage to juggle professional jobs and family."

"By being rotten at both," says Kayla. Lexie salutes family and friends.

Sister Teresa leaves her office. Nicole calls Mia, who tells her nothing is going on. "Well, stop watching DOOL and concentrate on having a kid," says Nicole. Nicole hangs up and spies the statue of the Holy Mother across the room. She asks for forgiveness for her fantasy where she used her statue as a murder weapon, "Why couldn't Sami lose her baby and mine be born.? Nit's not fair. I have to make it fair."

Sami prays. God dozes. She prays for Rafe and we flash back to the tender moment where Rafe said he cares about her.

Back at the safehouse, it's a raucous floor-rollin' hair-pullin' manly slappin' gen-u-wine me-lee as the boys tumble across the floor taking pets, furniture and other debris with them. Rafe gets the gun. Sleazo gets the taser and fries up a batch of Rafe. He stands over Rafe's charred body, "Bad guy wins."

Mia sits on her bed and writes a letter to her daughter telling her she will miss her, "How can I give you up?"

Patch and Kayla have joined Bo and Hope at another table. Abe asks, "Why did they leave? Was it our breath?"

"I've been meaning to speak to you about that," says Lexie. The new permissive Lexie emerges as Theo tears things up.

Patch and Kayla, Bo and Hope sit together. Nosy Kayla wants to know what Bo and Patch talked about. The boys evade and yammer about family. Bo tells Hope he's taking her off the case. Services for Bo are pending.

Sleazo ties Rafe back up.

Sami finishes praying, gets up and sees Sister Teresa. She announces she has to go find Rafe.

Bo and Hope argue. Patch and Kayla enjoy the entertainment, but have to protect themselves from the flying debris. Hope goes off the scale, "What? Do you want me home cooking?"

"Well," says Bo, "That would be nice." Let history record Bo's last words were, "That would be nice."

"Gee," says Hope, "For a minute there I thought you were going to be a chauvinist jerk."

Patch and Kayla take advantage of a lull in the firefight to leave. Outside, Kayla wonders why Bo would take Hope off the case. Patch thinks it's for the best, "Actually, I'm glad they got into a fight so now I can have some private time with you."

God takes out his grade book and gives Patch an "F" in the ninth commandment.

Hope rages, "What are you hiding, Brady?"

Bo cowers behind a table, "Me."

Sleazo ransacks the safehouse and finds a baby book, "Well, well well, what is this?"

Sister Teresa tries to convince Sami to stay put. Sami is defiant, "You're not gonna stop me!"

"Wanna bet?" God takes out his grade book and gives Sister Teresa an "A" in 'having a pair.'

Nicole flashes back to Chloe giving her the baby news. She shows up at the clinic and tells Dr. Baker a nun will call and he should take it. "What the hell are you up to now," asks Baker.

Outside the pub, Kayla continues to pump Patch for info. "Bo gave me a job," says Patch, "I have to get on it right away."

"Right now," whines Kayla.

"No," says Patch, "There is only one thing I wanna do right now. Follow me."

Bo is evasive about his motive for wanting Hope off the case, but begs Hope to be extra careful. He suggests going out for the evening since Ciara will be busy playing in traffic. As they leave Abe apologizes for coming down hard on Bo. Bo says it's all OK, "I will do whatever it takes."

"Correction," says Hope, "We will do whatever it takes."

God takes out his grade book and gives Bo an "F" in 'having a pair.'

Sleazo thinks Rafe got his girlfriend knocked up. He says Rafe will never see his kid if he doesn't talk. "OK," says Rafe, "I'll talk."

Sister Teresa says she will call 911 if Sami leaves. Sami throws a hissy fit and...

She doubles over in pain, "I think I'm... having the baby!"

Backer grills Nicole as she gets a call from Mia. Nicole asks, "Mia can I call you back? I'm in the middle of something."

Mia's in the middle of something, too, "I'm in labor!".

Intense dramatic music fills the airwaves as we section off scenes of Nicole and Baker, Sami gruntin' and groanin' and Mia huffin' and puffin'. Oh, the drama! Oh the excitement! Something might finally happen on this show! Smithers, release the hounds!

13 Comments:

Blogger Wen said...

So glad Steve and Kayla are back!! Yippee!!

4:07 AM  
Anonymous Berg said...

Smithers - release the hounds!!! Hysterical!!!! Prevuze the Best reference to The Simpson's on the web!!!

That Dr. Dan shirt is priceless, where can I get one?

Oh the drama of it all - another split screen! Come on what are the odds that Mia and Sami go into labor at the exact same time? I guess the same odds of two couples having sex in two elevators at the same time or two of EJ's women preggers and due at the same time (given they got preggers months apart), or Dr. Dan doing two women at the same time...good lord!
(God gives Berg an "F" for using his name in the same line as Dr. Dan)

5:07 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

Patch and Kayla, Bo and Hope drink to John and Marlena at the pub.

…and also to the fact they still have jobs.

"Don't worry," says Lexie, "I've had Caroline whip up one of her gluten-free chocolate cakes for him." Translation: Gluten-free = taste-free.

It appears that Prevuze has done some taste testing.

Patch is rarin' to go after Stefano, "Nothin' would make me happier than to bust that two-tone goatee bastard."

Unlike Patch, Stefano prefers not to apply Grecian Formula 44 to his goatee.

He kicks Rafe, "Wake up! You hear me? You can't die! Open your eyes!"

Is this Sleazo or Sami talking? Once again, the DOOL writers are guilty of recycling dialogue.

Sami whines until Sister Teresa can't take it any more and promises to keep her secret. She tells Sami she found a clinic where she can give birth.

It must be Dr. Baker’s clinic. Sister Teresa has already pegged Nicole as a liar, and Nicole had no problem admitting she rearranges the truth. Sister Teresa hasn’t even checked out the clinic, and she’s urging Sami to have her baby there. Now, if my facts are correct, I believe Sister Teresa is Catholic. Since the Convent of the Holy Cross was once an orphanage, I’m taking a real leap of faith here and guessing it was probably affiliated with a Catholic hospital. I also don’t think I’m very far out of line by suggesting that most of the babies that found themselves at the orphanage were born to unwed mothers. That says to me that the nuns were very used to being discreet and undoubtedly helped the mothers make arrangements for the births of their children. I also don’t think it is out of the realm of possibility that the nuns were aware that the babies’ fathers have legal rights. There’s the little matter of paperwork. The Catholic Church is well aware of the litigious nature of our society. Needless to say, Sami is trampling all over EJ’s legal rights as the father. After all, they were married when the child was conceived. Oh, yes, the crack FBI guy was also well aware that Sami was pretty far along in her pregnancy. Shouldn’t he have been making arrangements for impending birth of Sami’s child?

Mia sits on her bed and writes a letter to her daughter telling her she will miss her, "How can I give you up?"

How many of you think that once the baby switcheroo is completed that Mia will come whining to Nicole asking for her baby back? I think it’s a slam dunk.

Prevuze, thanks for a great TGIF update and the naughty censored link. It doesn’t get any better!

5:28 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Bo, "We'll get on it. I'll double the donut order."

"Good," says Abe, "And while you're at it, you might actually try spending some time in the office."


Now, why couldn’t Abe come up with those suggestions when HE was the police commissioner??

"What? Do you want me home cooking?" "Well," says Bo, "That would be nice."

Bo must be desperate given all the cracks he’s made in the past about Hope’s lousy cooking skills.

There were a lot of great prevuisms today. But this was my favorite:
God takes out his grade book and gives Sister Teresa an "A" in 'having a pair.'

I grooved on Prevuze's illustration of Bo's latest vision and got a good laugh at Bo's terrifying glimpse of Belch coming back to town.

I'm happy to see that Patch is back in the storyline, but PUH-LEEZE! A police commissioner asking a PI to do his job for him?? Usually the cops are warning PI's to stay out of things. Perhaps Bo is finally realizing how lame the SPD is.

And I'm really disappointed in the caliber of agents sent to guard Sami. If I were her, I'd run for the hills. It's been pretty easy for Sleazo to get the drop on both Hilda (now dead) and Rafe (who has lost about four fights with the bad guy so far). If Sami had been in the cabin when Sleazo showed up, she'd be toast by now.

Thank you Prevuze for this stirring report. ;-)

7:17 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Poor widdle Bo! I think he's not going to be getting a very good performance appraisal from his boss this year.

I hope they keep Rafe around. I like him (altho I've thought the same thing, Applecheeks, about his ability to fight! HA) and since they always feel compelled to have a triangle or quadrangle-jealousy-thing going on I hope they ship Chloe and Luclueless off the show and have it be EJ/Nicole/Sami/Rafe. (Sorry, Lumi's. I was always pro-Lumi myself until eventually they've just destroyed that.)

LOL over Bo's "vision" and the censored link. And the great thing about Prevuze is the comments are equally great:

"God gives Berg an "F" for using his name in the same line as Dr. Dan." and "Unlike Patch, Stefano prefers not to apply Grecian Formula 44 to his goatee." HAHAHAHA

Let us pray: Give us this day our daily laughs and give Prevuze and its commenters an "A" for getting us through another week. TGIP! Amen.

7:29 AM  
Blogger chaya said...

Now that sister Theresa has "a pair," maybe we'll get some real scandal in Salem when it turns out the pair is more than metaphorical ...

8:56 AM  
Anonymous WingNut '75 said...

Now that sister Theresa has "a pair," maybe we'll get some real scandal in Salem when it turns out the pair is more than metaphorical ...

I hereby nominate Chaya for the best spit-take inducing comment of the year!

Berg, you took the comment right out of my mouth about the Simpson's reference, but you forgot the ®.

Prevuze - the best Simpson's blog on the internet ®

10:40 AM  
Anonymous WingNut '75 said...

And now, after watching the previews for Tuesday's show on Prevuze II, I have to ask - with that triple split screen, am I the only one who was waiting for a digital clock to appear in the middle and the beeping to start, ala 24???

Also, where did Nicole go to medical school? She's going to deliver Mia's baby on her own and she expects Mia to be okay with that idea? Give me a break! This story line just gets dumber and dumber - just like the DOOL writers!

10:48 AM  
Anonymous Plastic Woman said...

Women have been delivering babies without medical training since time began, but that still doesn't explain why Nicole believes Mia would go for it.

Bo's nightmare of Shawn and Belle coming back and the censored link, both worth the price of admission.

11:08 AM  
Blogger Klaus said...

If Sami had been in the cabin when Sleazo showed up, she'd be toast by now.
Haha.

I am beyond tired of 'Ejami'. I enjoyed EJ and Nicole until this fake baby fiasco. I strongly dislike Lucas and Chloe. I strongly dislike Dan and Chloe, I wish both of them were gone from the show.

So, Marlena left already?? Did she forget about Sami? And it bothers me that no one seems to care that 'Jawn' is dead, maybe Nicole will.

I have to ask - with that triple split screen, am I the only one who was waiting for a digital clock to appear in the middle and the beeping to start, ala 24???
lmao, no you are not. I was fully expecting to hear the beeping.

11:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prevuze can Shawn run over Sleazo and end Nicole's baby switch. No Ejami? - OK, I want Nicole to win EJ despite of this, because Sami is just being beyond stupid in this storyline. And don't get me started on how stupid Chloe-Dan-Lucas triangle is. No diva would want either of those dudes.

6:53 PM  
Anonymous Betyar said...

I must say, I don't give a flying rat's antenna about Nicole and EJ, they're lousy together! Dool destroyed Ejami along with Lumi, so there's no hope there. But I do like Dan/Chloe/Loserclueless. The two ho's and one clueless triangle is kind of interesting in a raunchy way. I really like Rafe and I hope he and Sami start making this show interesting again. A little less "Blather, blabber, bawl, wah, wah, wah" from Sami would be nice, but the action we're starting to see makes me think that the future looks promising.

7:59 PM  
Anonymous Dee said...

Back at the safehouse, it's a raucous floor-rollin' hair-pullin' manly slappin' gen-u-wine me-lee as the boys tumble across the floor taking pets, furniture and other debris with them. Rafe gets the gun.

LMAO!! That was hilarious!

5:32 AM  

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