Saturday, October 11, 2008

Salem: 06643

Salem is an elusive place and is, as many have pointed out allegedly close to the ocean, located near a major international airport, possibly somewhere around the 32nd parallel, subject to the torrents of summer and snows of winter and is but a stone's throw from Europe. Oh, yeah, and all the residents seem to be Cubs and Bears fans.

Heck, it's a fictional town and I guess they can say anything they want about it. However, fans have time and again asked for consistency. I mean, they don't get much snow on the 32nd parallel.

Well, yesterday, the writers made a tactical error when they started out the show by zooming in on a closeup of Trent's driver's license. They strategically listed his residence as Salem, USA. No state. But what they neglected to hide was the zip code. Clearly visible the viewer discovers the zip code of Salem is 06643. This was not the first time we have seen this zip code listed for Salem, but this time, it triggered something. A zip code must designate a nearly exact location. So we went sent a crack team of Prevuze scientists, armed with this clue, off searching.

First of all Team Prevuze hit the USPS zip code database and found the zip 06643 doesn't exist. No problem. Fictional town, fictional zip code. Makes sense.

Then our brainiacs studied the layout map for all US zip codes and discovered zips with the prefix "06" are exclusively located in the state of Connecticut. Further, we determined the two locations closest to zip 06643 are Stratford, CT (06615) and Bridgeport, CT (06650).

We handed this information over to our interpolative scientist, Dr. Rolf Nietsnie who finished the job. He gave us this report, "Ve ran zerial multiple regrezzions on zee data provided, taking into conzideration vind direction und velozity, factored in ground zlope and tectonic plate zhift durink zee Pleiztocene age and fed zee data into zee Prevuze zuper computer. After zeveral hourz of calculizationz and two vloppy disk failurez, ve finally determined zee exact location, never before revealed, of Zalem, USA. I am pleazed to announze zat Zalem is located wizzin zee radiuz of 1.01 milez NE of Bridgeport and 1.73 milez SW of Ztratford, CT, bazed exclusively on zip code interpolation.

Now, taking zeeze important findingz insto conzideration, ve have ze following announcementz to make. Virzt, given zee zize of Zalem and itz international airport and including zee red light diztrict, Ztratford and Bridgeport, get zee hell out of zee vay. You vill now be Burroughz of Zalem.

Zecondly, Zere is already a town to zee norzeast claiming zee name of Zalem, Ct. Under zee internazional auzority of ze Bureau of Weightz and Meazures, ve hereby deklare zat plaze no lonker exizts. Beginnink Monday morning zee inzipid name-ztealink zwamp formerly known as Zalem, CT will be paved over to be a chiant parking lot for zee new zports complex vhich vill be built zere. If you live zere, you'd better get packink.

Finally, it is our privilege to announze zat zee Chikako Cubz und zee Chikako Bearz vill move to zee eazt koast und play in zat zportz complex beginnink next zeason. Und vith zat, I give you zee newly dizcovered Zalem, CT."

Prevuze

Now, we realize with practically every single state in the union claiming to be the home of Salem, this data might be just a tad controversial. So, since this is an election year we want to emulate our great politicians by making as many people happy while using as many words as possible to say as little as possible as we can. So, in that light, we will refer you to a couple of previous posts. Click on these links which prove...

Salem is in Utah.

Salem is pretty much everywhere.

And with that, we wish you all a great weekend. It's likely to be one of the last weekends with great weather in many locations, so get out and enjoy it if you can. And for those of you with boats, this may be your last chance this year to get out and (say it with me)... Salem.

15 Comments:

Blogger Hotmess said...

To confound matters further, on Monday's show, doesn't Kate's phone message indicate a 602 area code, which would be Phoenix, AZ? And also, does it not read October 18?? That would be virtual reality/time warp AZ...apparently, Salem is actually located 5 days in advance of the Julius Caesar calendar here on earth! Try plugging that into googlemap, eh?

3:29 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

To confound matters further, on Monday's show, doesn't Kate's phone message indicate a 602 area code, which would be Phoenix, AZ?

ACK! I completely missed it. Actually, I'm glad. That would really have made this a complicated posting. OK, so maybe Daniel wasn't in Salem. Maybe, being a rich doctor, he owns a chateau in Arizona and has a cell phone there. And he goes there on weekends (October 18 is a Saturday) to surf the Arizona desert.

Yeah... that's it...

3:53 AM  
Blogger Hotmess said...

LMAO!

4:54 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Actually, I believe the answer to Salem's location was touched on in one of the links Prevuze provided this morning. It's in an alternate dimension where time and space mean nothing.

Ya see, down in Stephano's labooooratory there is this big cog wheel (LOST fans know what I'm talking about). When turned - POP - Salem just appears where ever needed.

But, loved Prevuze attempt to pin it down. LOLOL

5:32 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

When turned - POP - Salem just appears where ever needed.

Is there a setting to make it disappear?

Just asking.

6:49 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

I love Dr. Rolf's explanation. And it was a kick seeing the older Prevuze editions thru the links. (On the other hand they also showed not much has progressed since then.)

I still think wherever it is Salem would be a great place to live as long as you stay away from the Hortons and Bradys. Where else can you get a degree without going to school or a top job without ever showing up?

A great Saturday edition and thank you Prevuze for attempting to sort it all out for us!

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe its like LOST's Island and those wily DOOL writers move Salem to confuse Prevuze and the rest of us.... or more likely the no-so-wily DOOL writers keep forgetting were the town was the last time they gave us a clue...

2:15 PM  
Anonymous Klaus said...

I kinda like Salem, it's far enough from hotspots like LA, Washington and NY, so the government doesn't pay attention to all the serious crime going on there.

Like treason, kidnapping, and possible mass murder.

And yet it's close enough to get to any of those places within an hour, tops.

I like the space/time theory.

So Chloe, who took a plane to Kansas is really just a 5 minute drive from Salem and Ciara and Theo are a year from their 12th birthday.

4:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And for those of you with boats, this may be your last chance this year to get out and (say it with me)... Salem.

Since no once else has pointed this out....Prevuze gets props for providing one of the worst puns ever in this column. LOLOL

KOTU

4:49 PM  
Anonymous Hotmess said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:36 AM  
Anonymous Hotmess said...

Now, seriously, the alternate - parallel thing sounds promising...what with Eugene and Celeste drinking the town water. And also, there's that whole small-town, purple gas situ that doesn't make it to CNN. And the real mind-bender...the only one that really, severely takes me outta the moment...not the flying coffins, the possession, the morphing. Certainly not the Pawn.

Here's where I can't sustain my lil Salem fantasy:
SALEM.

INTERNATIONAL.

AIRPORT.

Cracks me up, but doesn't help re verisimilitude...no, it's sort of like having intermission during CATS.

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Salem is refered to as being in the mid-west, when it started there was no reference, but it seemed to be in new england, not there is constant reference to driving to chicago, and they are also apparently close to the canadian border (shawn and belles great escape with steve)...so that means it's technically somewhere in IL or Mich. Well thats my theory anyway.

4:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Salem is located in the Midwest by numerous episodes with multiple characters mentioned weather in the Midwest. I believe it is in Wisconsin since Salem to Chicago is approximately a 3 HR drive as referenced by several characters multiple times when Chad was stripping and Brady, Kristin, Daniel and Jennifer went to the club there. I don't believe there is a Salem Illinois and Michigan is way further than 3 hrs. This is just my theory based on being a huge fan and noticing little details that others generally miss.

8:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's a Salem, IL

9:01 PM  
Blogger Lisa Buckley said...

There's a Salem, Wisconsin also

4:26 PM  

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