Saturday, February 24, 2007

Where Time And Space Collide

Always on the prowl to bring its readers the latest cutting edge DOOL information, Prevuze has once again scored a major scoop. After grueling research spearheaded by Monica Screwinski, Prevuze' Head Intern, we have finally and definitively pinpointed Salem's location. It isn't just a matter of where, but also when.. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, as Rod Serling was oft heard saying, it's located in "a place where time and space collide." (The fact Shawn's vehicles and buildings also collide there is purely coincidental.)

The smoking gun was the picture of Sami and EJ in Lexie's car as seen in one of this week's episodes. In that picture, we saw the state motto emblazoned on the license plate:

AHA! "The Friendly State" – a bald faced lie. Do the people in that picture look friendly? Anyway, we won't go down that tangent.

"The Friendly State" is a new direction from Salem's former license plates as seen on Jack's submerged car from November, 2005:

Well, that's closer to the truth, isn't it?

So here's the deal. Our intern Monica, with her assistant, Nick "The Geek" Fallus, set out to determine which state was "The Friendly State." Naturally, their adventure first led to Texas. However, they found, contrary to public opinion, Texas' motto is not "The Friendly State." Texas, it turns out, is "The Lone Star State," and its motto is "Friendship." Wow. We struck out there like Jed dumping his lame lines on Abby to try to pick her up.

This led us to the researcher's friend, Google where we found the only state ever to have "The Friendly State" on its license plates was none other than UTAH! Further investigation revealed Utah only used that slogan on its plates one year – 1948!

So There you have it. Not only is Salem located in Utah, but it is also precisely 1948 – space and time must collide to get the exact location. This explains a lot of things. When, for example they SORAS Claire and we all get up in arms about it, we have to remember, she wasn't born in 2005 – she was born in 1946!

You think this theory is crazy? It's not half as nuts as a couple of parents who throw their kid in the shark-infested ocean in the middle of nowhere and take her to live on an uncharted island because she'll be much better off there (if the cannibals don't get her) than she would be with some millionaire who wants to give her the world. And who, in the real world wouldn't have a prayer of taking her anyway.

This show is getting so ridiculous the next thing you know someone will come back from the dead.

Have a great weekend.


Blogger Bulldog said...

That's amazing! It DOES explain a lot about Salem - how kids are suddenly SORAS'd, how they come back from the dead and what happened to Tommy Horton when he disappeared by just going up the stairs....THEY'RE ALL IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE!

I wonder what mystery you'll solve next? Do you think any of these people built the pyramids? HAHAHAHA

Thanks, Prevuze, for letting us know! Do-de-do-do.....

6:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about the baby that Lauren was having for that baby a teen yet??

6:57 AM  
Anonymous applecheeks said...

Well, this was even worth coming to work for on a crummy, raining Saturday. I expected a funny Prevuze picture, but not an entire essay that solves the mystery of DOOL!

The fact that the license plate was used in 1948 clinches it. 1948 is, of course, the magical year in which all fabulous things came into being!!

7:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sure Tommy Horton disappeared -- he hasn't even been born yet. Same with Cassie and Nicole. Or the guy who went to mail a letter, who was he?

Maybe they're out building Stonehenge...

10:20 AM  
Anonymous theresa said...

OK if I had half of a brain I would be OFFENDED since I live in WACO Texas.

No worries since my brain cavity is not of maximum mass...

1:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to live in Kentucky and my drivers liscense said "that friendly state" on them. I loved it there, but I always laughed at the slogan! I think Salem may have another place to be located...Kentucky!

3:00 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I've been away for a couple of weeks, but am I sure glad I checked out today's Prevuze! 1948 it all seems to make sense...sort Bulldog said, it explains how kids are SORAS'd, how no one ever really dies, etc etc etc. It's a mystery, but not. Thanks Prevuze!

5:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

or if you go to the hospital you end up in a coma.
if you kidnap someone you dont get into trouble.
the cops dont do police work. example whos tracking down shawn and belle? modern day frankenstein and ex hooker

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Their slogan should be "home of the keystone cops" since in more than twenty years they've never been able to catch Stephano and he lived next door...

...or maybe "don't get sick in our town" would be a better choice. All the doctors are on the take or easily blackmailed into forging medical reports...

..."Francisco Franco is still dead...but we ain't"...

maybe..."idiotville"...the list is so dang long for possibilities..

8:38 AM  

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