You're Too Dumb To Know How Dumb You Are

Max and Mimi stare at Bonnie in the official cop shop third degree torture chamber. Mimi tells Max she's been in there almost two hours. Actually, Bonnie is having a great time. She thinks it's an S&M playground.

Mimi tells Max Connor is conveniently back at the ranch. Roman comes out and tells them Bonnie confessed to the murder.

Abby sits at a table in the Java Café and types on her notebook computer. Jed comes over to her table and tells her he is in her class with professor Sinclair. Abby doesn't remember him. He knows her, though. He tells her she's the kind of person he wants to get to know, with a face like he never forgets. He was so impressed by her question about John Reed in class. He isn't sure who John Reed is. Abby tells him all about Reed and refers him to the movie "Reds." Warren Beatty played him in that movie.

The brat comes in ranting about failing calculus. Jed suggests she drop the course before she fails.

Rebert comes in and tells Nick today is the big day when Chelsea starts. Nick says it won't make any difference to him, as he bumbles around the lab like an over-caffeinated Barney Fife. Rebert wants to know if it will be a problem for him to have Chelsea work there. "Not in the slightest," says Nick. He drops and breaks a beaker full of liquid.

Belle freaks. Our apologies for the redundancy. She says they need to get off the ship right now. Shawn tells her to chill. He needs to figure out a way to get rid of Philip.

Phillip stands guard outside their door. Stratton comes up and warns Phillip to stay out of his way or he will wind up in the brig with Shawn. Phillip is delighted to find out Shawn is headed for the brig. Philip suggests he arrest both Shawn and Belle and hand Claire over to him.

Belle and Shawn listen through the door and discuss their predicament. Shawn knows they need to do something but doesn't know what. Apparently that's his big plan.

Stratton tells Phillip the girl is to stay with her mother. He's following the captain's orders, not Phillip's. He tells Phillip to get into his cabin. Phillip wants to see him slap the cuffs on Shawn.

"If you interfere..."

"Just do your job," snorts Phillip.

Stratton knocks. Shawn gets and idea. If it's a good one, no doubt Claire whispered it into his ear.

Abby introduces Jed and Chelsea. The brat tells him she's glad to meet him, "Now scram." Jed walks off. The brat tells Abby she can't believe calculus is so hard, "It's like Swahili backwards." She accuses Abby of liking Jed, "He totally has the hots for you. What are you going to do about it?"

Roman says Bonnie said she killed Mimi's father. She dressed his body up in the civil war uniform as a decoy and drug it to the church. Bonnie told him Patrick and Connor weren't involved. Bonnie said Mimi's father came home drunk and hit her and that's why she did it.

Max says it was self-defense. Mimi is shook up. She can't believe her mom killed her dad. Roman says Connor admitted stealing the bones from the morgue, but is otherwise clean, "Bonnie will have to be booked and charged with murder."

Bonnie stands in the background and cries, "OMG!"

Roman thinks Bonnie tried to cover up her crime. That Roman is sharp as a tack, isn't he? Roman says, "Bonnie is going to need a good lawyer. No former husbands. I promise I will do everything I can for her." Mimi asks to talk to her. Roman gives her permission and leaves.

Max tells Mimi to calm down. He wonders if Mimi ever saw her dad abuse her mom. Mimi says she knows her dad was a drunk and cheated but never saw him hit Bonnie.

Nick cleans up his mess and swears he has no problem working with Chelsea. She has a great bod," says Dr. Pervert, "You should appreciate Chelsea's ASS-etts."

Nick interrupts and tells him he lied to Chelsea, "It was a stupid thing to do, but I would appreciate another topic."

"How about your work and character," asks Rebert, "You're hard working and smart, but you are the dumbest person I have ever met when it comes to women."

Abby and Jed make eyes at each other across the room. The brat notices what is going on. She tells Abby she wants to talk about calculus, "If I can stick it out and get a high 'D', I can get through other semesters without math I don't understand."

Abby suggests Nick as a tutor, "He would dress up in a wig and take the test for you if he could."

Stratton and Phillip rush into Shawn and Belle's room. Shawn isn't there. Belle tells Stratton he's in the bathroom and orders Phillip out. Phillip tosses a few threats at Stratton, who goes over and knocks on the bathroom door, "Please don't make me break this door down!"

Philip breaks it in for him. They both look inside the empty room. Phillip sees the open vent and screams, "You idiot! While you were playing games he got away with my daughter!" He tucks his copy of "How To Win Friends And Influence People" under his arm.

Max asks Mimi about the ring they found on the skeleton. Mimi tells him the cops gave it to a guy named Cavanaugh. Max thinks there might be some DNA on the ring if her father hit Bonnie while he was wearing it. Mimi is thrilled Max came up with that. Max sends her to talk to Bonnie. "I'll show you how grateful I am later," says Mimi.

Mimi goes in to see Bonnie and tells her, "It's time for the truth. Why did you have to kill dad?" Bonnie hangs her head and cries.

Rebert tells Nick, "You're too dumb to know how dumb you are in that department. I'll teach you." Nick turns down the offer. "They're not that hard to train," says Rebert, "Lesson one..."

Nick interrupts and says he thinks if anyone overheard, they could bring him up on charges.

"You've got your P.C. thong in a twist," says Rebert, "I'm just trying to get you over the hump – so to speak." Rebert goes into the next room. Nick untwists his thong.

Abby tells the brat she can't ask Nick to dress in drag. The brat says, "Even if I could forget the lies, there is still the 'love' thing. I have to keep Nick far away from me as possible. I plan to make him squirm at work. I'll be working with Dr. McBeautiful. Hovering over the lab table at work with him will make Nick jealous."

The brat says she has to go. She gets up and walks over to the table where Jed and his buddies are sitting, "Hey, dude, she's all yours."

Belle claims she didn't know Shawn was going to go out through the air vent. Phillip tells Stratton to lock Belle up while they go search for Shawn. Stratton locks the door as they rush out of the room.

"The coast is clear," says Belle. Shawn comes out from under the bed with Claire. He unlocks the door with the set of keys he has and the Kiddie Corps rushes out into the hallway. Willow comes up to them and asks, "Going somewhere boys and girls?"

Stratton and Philip search. Phillip notices the open air vent up on deck and looks inside. Stratton thinks Shawn couldn't have crawled all that way with Claire. Suddenly, they hear someone moaning and rush over to find Supply Officer Dolan regaining consciousness in the deck chair where Shawn left him. Realizing what must have happened, Phillip and Stratton run back to the cabin, leaving Dolan to drown in his own blood.

Willow thinks Shawn looks handsome in his uniform, "Too bad you don't have anything to bribe me with, like Phillip's all American checkbook." She puts her hand on the fire alarm, "This should bring them running."

Abby says she has a class. Jed knows she doesn't. Abby says, "I'm kind of involved – with a guy."

"Oh...," says Jed, "So am I."

"Really," says Abby, "I thought you were straight."

Jed claims he wasn't trying to hit on her. Abby is glad about that. They decide things are OK between them. Jed asks for a lift to the mall to get to his job. He claims his car broke down and the busses are too slow.

Nick talks to himself and drops another beaker as Max comes in. Max has the ring, dripping with Mimi's dad's DNA. He wants Nick to check it out. The beaker-breaker says he will test the ring and let him know if he finds anything. Max starts to leaves and then pauses, "Are you... going to see Abby later?" Nick says he will see her after work. Max says to tell her hi for him and stumbles out.

The brat comes into the lab. Rebert comes in from the other room. She tells him she has been looking forward to today. Nick plays with his microbes.

Bonnie claims she had no choice. Mimi wonders if she built the wall in the church by herself. "What jobs haven't I had," asks Bonnie.

"I know you're an expert at snow jobs," says Mimi, "I know you're not a killer. Why did you make me think he was alive?"

Bonnie cries, "I didn't want to lose you."

Mimi insists Bonnie isn't going to lose her. She tells her about testing the ring. Bonnie says to tell Max to forget it, "I killed him. It was me. All me. And prison is exactly where I belong."

Willow waits ready to pull the alarm switch, "One flick of the wrist and..."

Shawn screams, "NO!"

Willow breaks out laughing, "HAHA! I got you! When I see Phillip I'll tell him you said goodbye." Willow leaves.

Shawn can't believe she didn't pull the alarm. "Why didn't she," asks Belle.

"Because she's Willow," says Shawn. They leave as Phillip and Stratton walk in.

Chelsea says she hopes she's dressed properly for the job. Rebert tells her she is dressed perfectly. He's looking forward to teaching her whatever he can. She tells him she needs a calculus tutor. Nick practically breaks a leg jumping off his stool to volunteer to help. Rebert raises his hand like Moses parting the sea, "I'll do whatever I can to help you." He takes Chelsea by the arm and guides her out the door to show her around. Nick stews in his primordial slime.

Bonnie says she deserves what is coming, "Do the crime, do the time. I'll give you the truth. I stole the ring when I was working at the hospital. I had too many bills and I got it as a gift for your father. I'm nothing but a petty thief."

"That's better than first degree murder," says Mimi. She wants to know what is going on. She thinks Bonnie is trying to cover for someone else. Bonnie insists the culprit is her and her alone.

Roman walks into the middle of their yell-fest. Bonnie tells him to book her. Mimi and Bonnie hug each other and vow undying love. Bonnie tells her to try to understand. Roman takes Bonnie out.

"I understand more than you think," says Mimi.

Max rushes in. Mimi says, "My mom is hiding something."

Max asks, "What?"

Mimi says, "We have to find out what it is so I can start helping her think up lies for her bogus alibi – I'm really good at that."

The guys at Jed's table chuckle and watch the action between Jed and Abby. Jed says they aren't his friends. They are all on the baseball team together, but they are still strangers because the season hasn't started yet, "I just thought you would be easy."

Abby reacts, "I'm not all that easy, friend!"

Jed backpedals, "I meant... to talk to."

"I know what you meant," says Abby.

Rebert and Chelsea come back into the lab. Innuendos fly. Chelsea tells Dr. Rebert, "You know, I'm really anxious to show you what I can do. So I promise I will make you happy."

Rebert suggests dinner where they can go over protocols and get to know each other. The brat thinks that sounds great. Nick's eyes bulge.

Mimi thinks there is more to Bonnie's story. She thinks she might be trying to cover for Patrick or Connor. Max knows Nick will find something if it is on the ring. Mimi makes a suggestion, "Let's get out of here and concentrate on something else."

Max hems, haws, stammers and stutters, "I... uh... can't."

Stratton and Rebert go into Shawn and Belle's stateroom. No one is there. Willow joins them, "Are you looking for Shawn, Belle and Claire? Because if you are, they just left."

Phillip does a great impression of Satan, "Why didn't you stop them? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Claire cries as Shawn and Belle rush out onto the deck. Shawn looks overboard and turns to Belle, "We've got to jump."

"What you mean WE, Kemo Sabe," asks Belle.

Rebert says they can discuss Chelsea's duties and calculus at dinner. He wants her to see him as a friend as well as her boss. "Let's leave now while we can still get a good table." They head out. Nick deflates.

Abby thinks Jed has a bet with his friends that he can pick her up, "Go tell your pals you just struck out. No hits, all errors. It was a shutout." Abby huffs and leaves.

The guys at the table break into laughter. One of them says to Jed, "Smooth, pal."

Max claims he has to go to work. Mimi offers to help. Max says if she comes to the garage he will be too distracted to get any work done. Mimi decides to go back to his place. She promises it will be worth the wait. After Mimi leaves Max calls Abby and leaves a message inviting her to stop by the garage later, "Uh... OK... Bye... See 'ya... I hope."

Phillip asks whose side Willow is on. Willow says she is on her own side. Stratton tells Phillip they have to continue searching. Phillip says he will deal with willow later.

"Gee," says Willow, "I can't wait."

Belle asks, "Are you out of your mind more than usual? We could hurt Claire seriously if we jump into that raft."

Shawn says, "Give her to me! We have to."

Belle says, "This is an ocean not a kiddie pool."

Shawn swears they will make it, "Belle, there is no other way!"

"But I can't swim," says Sundance.

"Aw, hell," laughs Butch, "The fall'll probably kill ya."

They join hands and look down, "AAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SHIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..." Into the abyss. FF.

Previews
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Marlena tells Kayla, "I'm talking about the person you need to save from Steve."

Nick asks, "Why would I do that." Chelsea says, "Like all world-class losers, you're also a spiteful jerk."

Phillip says, "You have nothing I want." Willow says, "I have Shawn's baby. I owe you Phillip and I always pay back my debt."

Shawn screams, "Belle! Where is she?" Belle's bellicose bawling boggles Brainiac.