Thursday, February 08, 2007

Why Is My Family So Incestuous?

Shawn brings Belle a meal on a silver platter. Just the way Belle likes things. He tells her she would not believe this ship. It's like a floating city. He wants them to go out and explore. Belle says she isn't leaving the cabin until the ship hits Australia.

Steve paces in frustration and surveys his new padded cell, "This place... I just don't know what I can do here."

"Listen to me," says Kayla, "You can handle it."

Steve talks about the guy at lunch in a straight jacket spitting his soup at an orderly. Kayla assures Steve he will get better. Steve insists he isn't sick. He thinks they should be holed up someplace making love. One out of two ain't bad. He feels like a loser.

The crowd watches EJ and Kate steam up the screen. Sami gives the play by play. The audience murmurs and soaks it in, in complete disgust, of course.

Kate takes charge, "Turn it off, Jim."

Kayla tells Steve he's having memory problems because someone was trying to hurt them, "You don't blame a cancer patient when he is sick." Steve jumps all over her for thinking he is sick. Dr. Beale comes in.

Shawn wants to take advantage of being on this ship. Belle is worried someone will recognize them. Shawn wants Claire to have some fun and have a normal childhood. With these two nutcases as parents, that will be a cute trick. Belle isn't willing to take the risk.

Kate hauls Sami off to a corner. Sami tells her she helped Kate – she saved her son's life, and then Kate turned around and pulled that TV show stunt. Now Kate knows what it's like to be humiliated in public. Kate tells Sami EJ won't appreciate this any more than she does. The catfight ends and Sami leaves.

Kate turns her wrath on the AV Tech, "What the hell, Jim?"

Meanwhile, Billie lectures EJ, "You slept with my mother. You certainly are a romantic, aren't you? I thought you were interested in Sami. Why is my family so incestuous?

EJ leaps from the frying pan into the fire. He goes over to Kate and promises to make it all better.

Sami destroys the incriminating CD. Billie comes up and asks why she did this. Sami tells her about the reality show, "Kate deserved everything she got." Billie thinks Kate will find a way to get back at Sami. Sami tells Billie, "If she wants a war, she can have one. Kate won't win."

Kate makes the understatement of the year, "I think the clients might be questioning our ethics. They practically saw us naked."

"I should think that would be a selling point," says EJ. He walks up to the front of the room and addresses the audience, "I would like to explain what just happened."

Billie tells Sami she and Kate will never learn, "You say you've changed, but you haven't. And I don't want Lucas getting caught in the crossfire." Sami thinks Billie is into EJ. Billie denies it. They argue about who has the biggest history of going after the wrong guy. A referee jumps in and declares the match a draw. Billie wants to know why Sami cares.

"I'm going to be your sister-in-law," says Sami.

"I think you still have the hots for EJ," says Billie. Sami huffs.

Belle and Shawn continue their inane argument. Belle blames herself. She turned Phillip into a guy like Victor. She made him miserable when he was good to her and Claire. Shawn asks if she is regretting running away. No. She just wanted to deal with the situation differently. Shawn insists they need to trust each other and they can't live their lives in hiding. He vows to take care of Belle and Claire.

Patch wants to know if there are side benefits to hypnosis. Dr. Beale wonders what kind of benefits Patch is talking about. "You know," says Patch, "Weight loss... Quit smoking... Maybe I could get rid of this Restless Leg Syndrome..."

The Doc warns him he could say things Kayla doesn't want to hear. Steve has nothing to hide from Kayla.

Belle calms down and thanks Shawn for being there. There is nowhere else he would want to be. Belle misses her family – Not knowing if her dad is OK. Shawn tells her they only had one choice, but can't live their lives in fear, "I could be wrong, you know. I'm new to this 'Dad' thing." Belle relents. If they go outside the room, Belle wants rules.

EJ stands in front of the audience and asks, "Did you like that? How many of you thought that was actually Kate and me on the screen. I present to you the future of Mythic communications! I'm sure you will agree this was the most innovative way to introduce the new CGI, Completely Gone Insane, technology. It will bring real time, real life animation to our industry. It will increase our profits, and to explain it further, I give you KATE ROBERTS!"

The doofs in the audience break out into wild applause. Kate steps forward and whispers, "Good job." The cheering is out of control. Kate turns to the audience and says, "And, as a part of this special offer, you also have the opportunity to purchase the swampland in South Salem."

Sami tells Billie there was never anything between her and EJ. Billie says everyone saw that there was. Sami insists she loves Lucas and not Austin or EJ, "Lucas, Will and I will be happy for all the Days Of Our Lives..." Suddenly, she stops short and turns green.

Billie asks, "Sami, are you OK?"

Dr. Beale turns down the lights. He tells Patch, "Empty your mind." No comment. "Concentrate. Focus on something pleasurable." Patch leers at Kayla.

"Close your eyes," says Dr. Beale, "Sorry... I meant close your eye."

Steve is under. The Doc says, "Go back to the time when he heard this sound..." He taps a spoon on Steve's bedside tray. Steve goes back to lunchtime.

Steve scowls. Flash! Steve says, "It's too bright! The walls are bare. I'm lying on a table." Steve lays on a gurney and wiggles like John's eyeballs in a blender.

Steve does the Wigglejiggle. EJ strokes his head and holds up the devil card, "You're one of us now, Steve." Patch wiggles, chokes and cries.

Shawn and Belle will use the names Lloyd and Sally Perkins. Belle sets up the rules. They get their story straight. She thanks him for making everything seem OK. "Everything is OK," says Shawn.

EJ comes out of the conference room and asks Billie where Sami is. Billie tells him she went to the ladies' room. EJ tells her Kate is inside finishing up the presentation. EJ insists he and Kate are strictly business partners now. He hopes this won't deter Billie from moving forward with their business partnership.

"As long as we get one thing clear," says Billie, "I will not be joining my mother on your trophy wall."

EJ tells Patch, "You're one of us now... You're one of us now..." Patch wakes up in his padded cell and sweats. The doctor says he ended the session because Steve was so agitated. He asks if Steve remembers what he saw and what happened next. Patch doesn't know what happened next. The doctor plays back a recording of what Steve said to help him remember.

Steve listens, "Is that it?"

"That's all you said," says Doctor Beale, "What happened after that? Who did you see?"

"Nothing. Nobody."

Belle looks out the window at the stars. She has never seen them so bright. Shawn remembers seeing them like this before when he sailed around the world. Suddenly Belle realizes, "We're going to live under different stars. We'll never see the Big Dipper again. But I guess that will be OK, since I'll be living with the Big Dip."

Shawn now realizes this is what he wanted; not a fast car and a big bank account.

Billie says, "Your signals were subtle, but I've been around the block before."

"You must live on a hell of a big block," says EJ, "But whatever happens is entirely up to you." Billie says nothing will happen. EJ says, "Fine, then here's to a successful business relationship." He kisses her hand and Billie giggles like a schoolgirl.

Kate comes out, overhears and wants to know what this is all about. EJ will explain later. They go back inside the presentation room.

Sami comes back for her purse. Billie thinks she looks awful. She wonders why she didn't stay home. She offers to have Will stay with her for a few days if Sami is sick. Sami insists she's fine. Billie about faints, "OMG! You're pregnant!"

Sami opens the bag and the cat runs out, "Lucas told you."

"No," says Billie, "ARE YOU?"

Sami bawls, "Yes."

"Who else knows?"

"My dad. Kate. You. Which basically means the entire world knows."

Billie asks, "And you're not rubbing my mothers face in this? Unless... THIS BABY ISN'T LUCAS' IS IT?"

Steve insists he doesn't know who was in the room with him. He turns to leave. Dr. Beale asks him where he is going. "I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM! IS IT OK IF I DO THAT BY MYSELF?" Whoa... easy there fella. Patch leaves to do his thing.

Kayla asks if he can't tell or won't. Dr. Beale says he is protecting himself by blocking things out. Everything points to torture. Kayla wonders why someone would have tortured him. Dr. Beale says, "There are only three reasons to torture someone: to get information, change behavior, or to desensitize him so he will be able to stand the torture of watching DOOL. I'd like another session with him later this week."

Steve comes out and asks when he can go. Kayla says, "You committed yourself for two weeks, remember?"

Patch says, "No way. I need to get out of here today, Kayla."

Belle keeps wondering what her dad would say if he knew what they were doing. Shawn says he would be proud of her, "We are on the run. Your dad's genes will come in handy someday."

"I don't think so," says Belle, "They aren't my size."

Claire coos. Belle checks her out, "She's burning up. I don't want to draw attention to ourselves, but we need to call the ship's doctor."


Sami can't believe Billie just said that. She claims she has never been unfaithful. Billie apologizes.

Kate and EJ come out. Kate tells Sami Mythic is still up and running, "Which means Lucas still has a job. Oh, you didn't think about that, did you? You haven't changed." Billie stops the lecture and tells them Sami has the flu.

EJ is a little too interested, "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes," snorts Sami, "I'll be fine as soon as I get out of here."

Sami leaves. EJ thinks she looks terrible.

"She always looks terrible," says Kate. EJ leaves.

Kate tells Billie she's sorry she takes after her in the 'unlucky in love' department, "But please listen to me on this: don't get involved with EJ Wells."

Dr. Beale wants to stick with the treatment plan. Steve can't go home. His bail will be revoked if he leaves. Dr. Beale leaves and says he will look in on Steve later.

Kayla asks Steve what he remembered.

Steve flashes back to EJ. He lies and says he doesn't remember anything. He thinks they should be out finding the people who did this to him, not locked up in here. Kayla can't do that. Steve apologizes. He doesn't want to make her worry any more. He will do what he has to do to get better. Hugs. He says he hates to kick her out but he has to get back to his bead stringing, "They pay me by the inch." Smooch. Kayla leaves.

Steve takes out a dime and walks over to the window. He begins to unscrew the bars.

Billie asks who said she was interested in EJ. She claims, unlike Kate, she can keep sex and work separate. Besides, she doesn't work with teenagers. She is just trying to pay her rent and put her brat through college. Kate doesn't want her to sabotage her life with EJ.

Billie snorts, "I don't see you walking away and I don't take orders from you."

Belle worries about blowing their cover with the ship's doctor. Dr. Deardon arrives. Belle tells him little Lucy Anne has a temperature. The doctor checks her out.

Claire babbles. "She's cutting her molars," says Dr. Deardon, "And I think she's seasick."

"My daughter," says Shawn, "Seasick? I grew up on a boat. In fact, I've sunk my share of them. The doctor prescribes liquids for the next 24 hours. He needs to see her passport for his records. Shawn gives it to him.

"I'm sorry," says Dr. Deardon, "This is odd. There is no immunization stamp."

Patch gets the bars off, He climbs up into the window, "OK, Square... put the teakettle on. Company's a-comin." He jumps out.


Kayla says, "He's in danger, Bo. And you know what? I just feel if we don't do something to stop this, something horrible is going to happen to him."

EJ holds the devil card up in front of Patch, "If you fail to accept your fate then I'm afraid it's going to affect somebody very close to you."

Belle lays on the bed, "You look nice and refreshed." Shirtless Shawn walks over to her, "You don't look so bad yourself."

Willow looks at a paper and tells Phillip, "I think I found them. Shawn and Belle. I think I found them!"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Billi moved up in the world she went from johns to married men. now she went from chelsey's future boyfriend to her moms past boyfriend. good thing lucas and austin isnt females then she wouldve went after sami and carrie

5:00 AM  
Anonymous applecheeks said...

"Where Myth and Ick combine"...ROFLMA

Some torture so I can endure DOOL - yeah, that's what I need. Of course, I don't know any worse torture than watching the show, so maybe it isn't working for me. HAHAHA

Great pictures and Prevuisms, especially Patch jiggling like John's eyeballs in a blender.

I know it's all about THEM, but why would the dippy duo be worried about someone recognizing them on a cruise ship out of Canada. It's not like they are world famous criminals!

6:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How did they find a cruise ship from Toronto to Australia?? Did I miss something?

7:12 AM  
Anonymous KOTU said...

While Patch is doing the Wigglejiggle let's all sing along....
Let's do the Time Warp again!

Yes, the DOOL writer are messin' with our minds once more.

Steve remembers EJ being there during the torture. Fifteen years ago Steve was whisked away from his funeral, tortured, brain-washed and set adrift in the world without memories. He has been emptying bedpans in a hospice for, oh, 14 years. That would make EJ anywhere from 14-18 back when he was torturing Steve?

(Never mind the real EJ is only about 9 or 10 years old which would have made him -4 when Steve was tortured.)

...Yes, let's do the Time Warp agaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnn!

7:15 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

"How did they find a cruise ship from Toronto to Australia?? Did I miss something?"

Yes, Anon, you missed the episode where they boarded the cruise ship on Lake Ontario, Sailed up the St. Lawrence Seaway, hung a right and went clear down to Cape Horn, since the cruise ship was too big to fit through the Panama Canal (we shall not speak of how they got through the locks at St. Catherine's, Ontario - Suffice it to say Belle's wailing can accomplish anything). While they were near Antarctica, Shawn single-handedly repaired the polar ice cap and saved the world from global warming -- without leaving his stateroom. Then they sailed back up the coast of South America into the Australian shipping lanes and hung a left.

8:02 AM  
Blogger Bulldog said...

Of course the clueless duo could be discovered. I bet the ship could dock in Casablanca and the Casablanca Courier would have their picture plastered on the front page (haven't we seen this before on Daze?)

How high up is the ledge Patch is jumping from? Dare I say I almost hope at this point it's about 50 stories up?

I LOL over no barbers in Heaven and almost did a coffee spit-take at Squints' eyeballs. HAHAHAHAHHA

Great Prevuze and pictures today!!!

8:13 AM  
Anonymous applecheeks said...

Prevuze...your explanation of how a cruise ship managed to get through the Great Lakes and over to the Pacific was very welcome. I'd wondered about that myself.

Now I'll be laughing all day. For your readers' benefit I think you should copy this explanation and stick it in the middle of today's Prevuze in its own special box. It is truly priceless!!!

8:23 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

"How high up is the ledge Patch is jumping from? Dare I say I almost hope at this point it's about 50 stories up? "

Incredible insight, BD. The part we left out of today's episode was to say that Patch was terribly depressed after Kayla left. He actually did want to jump out of a 50 story window. But drat the bad luck, his padded cell is on the first floor. So Patch thought it through and came to the conclusion if he couldn't jump out of a 50 story window once, he'd jump out of a one-story window 50 times. As we left him, he was in the process of jumping out of his window, running back into the building and jumping out again. He didn't catch on to the fact that jumping out of a one story window 50 times wouldn't quite have the effect of jumping out of a 50 story window once, but he did partially compensate for this fact by making sure he landed on his head each time.

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did anyone notice Shaun (in the show, not Prevuze) reminded Belle that they are from New Brunswick, Nova Scotia? Both are in fact a province in Canada, New Brunswick is not a town/city.

5:53 PM  

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