You Think I Swallowed A Basketball?

Sami and Lucas make out. Sami asks, "Was it good for you?"

"So good we have to start printing the wedding invitations," says Lucas.

Sami is scared about her wedding curse. Lucas says a kiss from a handsome prince will get rid of curses. She settles for a kiss from him. He kisses her and says he felt the curse leave. Sami doesn't think that will happen with Kate at the wedding. Lucas tells her to just invite Billie. That's all the family he needs there. Sami thinks Billie won't come after her warning about EJ.

Billie huffs as she reads her evection notice, "The fun just keeps on a-coming." The fun comes to the door. EJ says he came by to talk about her home security idea. Billie is distracted. She tells him she has been evicted. Lucas leases from Victor and Victor wants her out by the end of the month. She says she just doesn't seem to be able to give Chelsea any stability.

Chelsea arrives at Ho and Dope's house. She tells them the whole Dr. Patton / Nick / Dr. Rebert story.

Nick works in the lab. Dr. Rebert comes in. Nick apologizes for using his picture. Dr. Rebert says no-harm-no-foul, "Actually, having her attack me like that did a lot for my reputation with the nurses around here. They have all decided if I might be interested in Chelsea, even the skankiest nurse would have a chance with me."

A large fruitcake has been delivered to Shawn and Belle's suite. It stands in the middle of the room. Oh, wait, forget that. It's Phillip standing in the middle of the room instead. I should have noticed that right away since Phillip is much nuttier than a fruitcake.

Phillip demands Claire. Shawn says, "If you touch my daughter I will throw your sorry butt overboard."

Phillip chuckles. Kendrick stops them from going at each other. He's going to check all stories before the does anything. Shawn wants to know how much Willow charged Philip for the trip. Willow says, "It's a freebee. I came just so I could see the look on your face." Captain Kendrick can't take it any more. He figures there must be some sane passengers on the ship somewhere, so he leaves.

Phillip asks to talk with Belle privately. Shawn vetoes it. Belle assures him she will be OK. Shawn and Willow make ugly grunting sounds at each other as they leave the room.

"Alone at last," says Phillip

The brat says Dr. Patton doesn't exist. She tells them about jumping into Dr. Rebert's arms and making out with him. She thinks it may be payback for everything she has done.

EJ wonders if Lucas could do something about Billie's plight. He suddenly gets an idea and leaves. Billie calls for him.

Lucas brings up EJ. Sami doesn't want to talk about him. But she knows Lucas can distract her in another way. EJ comes to the door. He tells Lucas About the eviction. Sami suggests Lucas go talk to Billie. She assures him she will be OK. Translation: this will provide an opportunity for Sami and EJ to take the viewers to new levels of tedium.

Lucas leaves and Sami tells EJ to leave. He wants to at least have a conciliatory drink with her.

The brat goes on about Dr. Patton, "It was dumb for me to fall for him like that."

"I wouldn't say dumb," says Bo.

"Idiotic, pathetic maybe," she asks. She ended up getting hurt the same way she tried to hurt Bo, Billie and Hope – by a picture on the Internet.

Bo's phone rings. Roman needs him down at the cop shop. Bo says he is on his way. Hope invites the brat to stay until Bo gets back. Bo leaves. Hope and Chelsea decide to attack a gallon of chocolate fudge ice cream.

Lucas tries to give Billie money. She won't take it. She thinks she needs to set an example for Chelsea. She's going to go into business with EJ. Lucas thinks she's nuts.

EJ cajoles. Sami tells him to go. EJ says they don't have to tell Lucas about this, "Nothing new about that, is there?" Sami says she doesn't even keep alcohol there. EJ offers to go over and get some. Sami thinks that is too much trouble.

I love trouble," says EJ, "It's one of the reasons I like you so much."

Phillip asks to hold Claire. He begs. Belle gives in. He takes her ad promises never to go away again. Belle thinks it's all so sad. She never wanted this. Neither did Phillip. He thinks maybe they should just forgive one another, "Forgive and forget."

"My mind forgets easily, anyway," says Belle.

"Phillip says, "I want to take our little girl home."

Belle asks, "What?"

Phillip says, "Together, Belle, what do you say?" Belle is thrilled. Now she realizes there is someone out there more loony and selfish than she is.

Shawn asks Willow how she tricked Phillip. She says you can't trick him, "Not like you." She tells him she's now living in the mansion and goes on about 'Phil.'

Shawn tells her Phillip is working some kind of an angle, "Tell me what's going on."

Willow says, "I'm pregnant and Phillip says he wants to take care of me and my baby. So what do you think of that?"

Shawn says, "Thinking isn't my strong suit."

The brat knows she doesn't deserve Hope being so nice. She hopes someday Hope will forgive her. Magnanimous Hope says she already has.

Roman says the DA has been talking to Lockhart upstate in the Big House. Bo wants to know if he ratted out on EJ.

Sami says they have to get something straight. EJ forced her to have sex. EJ suggests a drink to her and Lucas and their future happiness. EJ slugs his champagne down as Sami just stands there. EJ notices Sami isn't drinking and wants to know if there is a reason.

Belle is stunned that Phillip would ever think she would want to go home with him. He tells her she is still the kind, beautiful, selfish, wigged-out woman she has always been, "I haven't changed inside, Belle, even though I have had a total overhaul outside. I'm still in love with you."

Shawn chuckles, "You're no more pregnant than I am."

"That wouldn't be so strange on this show," says Willow. She points to her tummy, "What is this? You think I swallowed a basketball?"

"Who is the unlucky father?"

"You, Shawn," says Willow, "This is your little basketball."

Phillip tucks Claire in. He knows Belle doesn't feel the same way about him. She doesn't have to love him back. He threatens if Belle doesn't do this she won't be a part of Claire's life. Belle claims that is blackmail, "You are not getting me, and you will never get Claire. Deal with it."

Shawn accuses Willow of lying. Willow insists it's true. She tells him it's no coincidence that Shawn has the IQ of a basketball. Shawn realizes it must be true, and thinks Phillip will use the baby as a bargaining chip.

Kendrick interrupts the fun. He has made his decision. They go inside the stateroom.

Lucas slaps a wad-o-cash into Billie's hand. He doesn't want her to go to work for EJ.

EJ can't understand why Sami might not want to drink. Sami says her fiancée doesn't drink, so she doesn't either. She tells him she can toast just as easily with juice.

EJ waters the flowers with Sami's champagne. He looks for matches and takes out cigars. Sami doesn't allow smoking. EJ raises his glass, "Cheers. Why don't we have a toast to your child? Here's to motherhood, eh?" The blood drains from Sami's face.

Roman says Lockhart gave the DA details about what he did. EJ's name didn't come up, "That's how afraid he is. He won't give up Stefano's son. But I think you should read this – page 47, section B."

Bo reads, skipping the big words, "Chelsea Benson was someone I called on to help from time to time." Bo rages and throws the document, "DAMN HER!"

Not only does Hope forgive the brat, she asks for her forgiveness. Hope says she should have opened her arms and welcomed Chelsea into the family and she didn't. She promises to do everything she can to make a fresh start. Suddenly Mosquito Larvae cries. Hope picks her up. She asks the brat if she would like to hold her, "That's what big sisters do, right?"

The brat takes Deer Tick, "I'm your big sister and I promise I will make you proud of me one day. And you too, Hope. Thank you very much."

Lucas wants Billie to move in with him and Sami. She can help plan the wedding. Billie is soooooo happy for him. Hugs. He promises this time nothing will stand in the way.

Sami doesn't understand. Neither does EJ. He is asking her to toast Will. He wants to know whom she thought he was talking about. Sami wants him to go. EJ doesn't think there is any rush, "Speaking of rushing. You decided to get married quickly. I wonder if you have a little bundle of joy coming." Sami stares.

Hope has set up a website of pictures of La Cucaracha. Chelsea gets depressed. She's not into website pictures these days. Hope wonders if this wasn't just a shy guy's way of telling her he likes her.

Nick comes to Billie's apartment, "Billie, uh... Mrs. Robinson... uh, Mrs. Reed... uh..." Lucas asks if something is wrong. Nick says everything is wrong. He fesses up to sending the emails. Billie lectures. She says he never should have let it get this far. Motormouth just can't resist butting in. He wants to help. Billie thinks he can help by leaving.

EJ says he didn't mean to pry. Sami says Lucas and she are not rushing in to this. They have been in love for years. EJ scratches his head, "For years? Weren't you just engaged to Dallas, or whoever that was?"

Sami yells, "I am not pregnant!" Lucas hears the scuffle out in the hallway. He goes inside and asks EJ what he is still doing there.

EJ says he had just asked Sami if they are expecting. Lucas kicks him out, "The next time you feel like stopping by, don't."

Sami tells Lucas EJ must know she is pregnant. Lucas tells her to calm down. He thinks EJ is just fishing, "Tonight is the first night of uninterrupted love making for all the Days Of Our Lives."

EJ stands in the hallway, "One way or another, Samantha, I will find out what I want to know. I always do."

Billie can't reach Chelsea on her cell phone. She and Nick decide they need to go find her.

Hurricane Bo storms into his house. He reams Chelsea out for working with Lockhart. The brat claims it isn't true. Bo yells, "I've got a signed, sworn statement right here saying you were involved. You're not my daughter."

The brat insists she didn't do it. Bo says he is finished.

Captain Kendrick says he can't enforce the custody papers but the Australian authorities might. They will have to settle at the US consulate there. Phillip thinks that is just fine since Victor knows half the people in Washington. The ones who are in jail or under indictment, no doubt. He demands Claire. Captain Kendrick says Claire will stay with Belle and Shawn for the duration of the voyage. He places them under house arrest, and tells Phillip he can have the cabin across the hall. Phillip says, "You can kiss Claire goodbye for good."

He and Willow storm out. Willow says, "Yeah!"

Phillip scowls at her, "Shut up, Willow."

Captain Kendrick leaves and locks the door to the stateroom.

Belle has one of her fits, "OMG, Shawn! It's over! Phillip will take Claire! We can't stop him!"

Smoke pours from Brainiac's ears as he tries to come up with a plan, "Don't ask me how, but we are not getting off the ship in Australia."

Pan in on blithering Belle.


Previews
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Bo yells, "I want you out of my house. Don't ever come back." The brat bawls, "Dad, please I swear I didn't do..." Bo freaks, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Billie asks, "What are you saying Nick?" Nick says, "I'm saying that secrets have a way of coming out."

Max says to Abby, "You're not the only one who had a crush."

Bo says, "You're the reason I'm turning my back on Chelsea." Hope says, "You haven't listened to anything I've said, because that's not what I want."