Thursday, February 22, 2007

Fletch The Letch

Chelsea and the oh-so-swayve Dr. Pervert are at dinner. The worldly doctor gives her a wine tasting lesson. Chelsea takes a sip of wine. Rebert asks, "What do you think? A hint of blackberry? Some vanilla, perhaps? Zee aroma of zee bheulgheet? "

In the world of wine, the brat is about as sophisticated as a barefoot pilgrim. She shrugs, "Sure... whatever."

She thinks it's amazing he can tell so much about wine just from one sip. He says he can only tell about the wine if he's inspired, and he truly is. She thinks it's time to get to calculus. She's ready to learn whatever he wants to teach her.

Phillip freaks and demands Stratton continue searching. Stratton tells him Shawn and Belle are gone.

Marlena knocks at Kayla's door. Kayla invites her in tells her Steve choked her. She claims it's EJ's fault. She wants Marlena to find him. Marlena refuses. Kayla wrings her hands.

Zombie Patch is on a mission to bring John Black to EJ. He does his Frankenstein walk through the hospital.

Patchenstein goes into John's room. He stares. He zones. He grabs his head. He staggers out into the hall and makes faces.

Kayla tells Marlena she is desperate. Marlena will only help once Steve is under control. Marlena suggests Kayla call Roman. Kayla grabs her coat and says she is going to go find him. Marlena begs her not to. Kayla asks, "Can you reach John?"

"Yes," says Marlena, "But that's different."

"No it isn't, Marlena."

Nick sits in Chez Rouge and blows his nose. Chelsea tells Rebert she has never had this much fun, and talks just loud enough so Nick can hear her. Maggie walks up to Nick and asks why he has the sniffles. Nick says the line of blow he just did was a little strong. He also has allergies. He points out Dr. Rebert and Chelsea across the room having a good time. Maggie asks if he is hanging around to save Chelsea from the big bad wolf, "Knowing Chelsea, I'd worry more about the wolf. Chelsea doesn't want you here, and when she gets annoyed it isn't pretty." Nick says he is waiting for Rebert to make a move and then he will rush in and save her. Maggie thinks this is a mistake, "Chelsea isn't made of sugar and spice. It's more like beef jerky. I think she's handling Rebert very well."

Maggie leaves. Nick decides he isn't going anywhere. He sneezes again and has a choking fit.

Phillip doesn't think the Kiddie Corps could have jumped ship. Stratton says a lifeboat is missing. Phillip demands they drop anchor and search every inch of the ocean. Stratton leaves.

Willow comes out. Phillip gives her the news bulletin about Shawn and Belle jumping overboard with his daughter. He blames her. She had a chance to stop them. Willow says she didn't know what they were going to do. Phillip tackles her. Willow holds her own. She rips off his wooden leg and smacks him with it, "Play as rough as you want, but I will always play rougher!"

Rebert gives the brat an orientation about the people who work at the hospital, "Dr. Fletcher is a lecher."

Chelsea takes notes, "OK. Fletch the letch."

Also," says Rebert, "I think we should pass the hat at work and buy Nick a life." Chelsea thanks him for watching out for her. She makes sure she talks loud enough that Nick can hear. Rebert counsels her, "It's better to be trusting than cynical, and I say that as someone has been burned. Come here and I'll tell you a secret. Even rich handsome doctors get hurt."

Chelsea asks, "Was she beautiful?"

"I don't want to bore you," says Dr. Smoothie, "But she was almost as beautiful as you are."

"She was that skanky, eh? "

Nick goes to the bar and orders whatever is on tap. The bartender says he knows who Nick is and he doesn't have to show his ID. That gives Nick an idea. He goes over to Maggie, "Guess what Chelsea's not. She's not 21 and she's drinking in your establishment."

Maggie goes into action. She walks over to Rebert and Chelsea's table and grabs the wine from Chelsea's hand. She tells Rebert she is underage.

Marlena doesn't want Kayla to leave. Well, by God someone has to help Steve. "Steve belongs to them now," says Marlena.

Patch zones and remembers EJ's words. He heads into the supply closet.

As Steve stares like a deer looking into headlights, Marlena narrates, "The DiMeras own his mind. Whatever they want him to do, he will do." Patch comes out in a disguise. He is wearing scrubs, a cap and a mask. Some disguise – His patch sticks out like a sore thumb. Other than that, no one would recognize him.

Kayla has to go find him. Marlena says his only focus right now is to complete his mission. "I wish he would have completed the 'mission' he and I were on earlier this evening," says Kayla.

Patch stares at John.

Kayla insists she can get through this. Kayla tells Marlena she knows about the dream she had. Bo told her, "What was John trying to tell you?"

"Steve has been programmed to kill someone," says Marlena.

Maggie tells the brat to come back when she is 21. Rebert assures Maggie he will keep an eye on her. Maggie tells him to take his charm and his very young date somewhere else. Rebert tells Chelsea he has cabernet and steak at home.

"Kids love happy meals," says Maggie. Rebert tells Chelsea he's going to go get the car.

Chelsea says, "And I'm going to go yank boy wonder's tights over his head."

Willow and Phillip argue. Suddenly, they hear the sound of the ship dropping anchor. Phillip tells her, "You and Shawn's bastard can rot in the gutter for all I care."

Stratton comes in and says they found a section of the life raft floating in the water – sliced to ribbons.

Belle has a meltdown. She finds Shawn lying unconscious on the ground. She stammers, "I tried! The riptide! We went under!"

Shawn comes to and screams, "Belle! Where is she?" Belle's screaming fit continues. She says she had Claire and everything was fine and then they got pulled under. Shawn assures her everything will be fine. They will search. The Richter scale has no reading for Belle's level of hysteria.

Stratton tells Phillip it looks like a shark attack. Phillip wants to search. Stratton says it's too late. Phillip hits some new hysterical highs himself, "This is my little girl we're talking about! It can't be too late! Willow tries to console him. Phillip flails at her, "Don't touch me!" He goes to find Claire.

Maggie chuckles as she tells Nick about busting Chelsea. Chelsea walks up. She accuses Nick of following her to the restaurant. Nick asks, "Why would I do that."

Chelsea says, "Like all world-class losers, you're also a spiteful jerk. And if anyone knows about being a world-class loser and a spiteful jerk, I do."

Marlena says she can feel and hear John. She tells Kayla John has never been wrong when he has told her things in dream-fantasies. Kayla insists Patch isn't a killer. Marlena reminds her of the inconvenient fact that Steve tried to kill her earlier this evening, "That man is not Steve, but he will be blamed for it."

Patch unhooks John. Marlena narrates, "My guess is it will be murder." John's machines sound an alarm.

Phillip looks through field glasses. Willow apologies for everything. Phillip rages and tells her to leave.

Tsunami Belle erupts. Shawn yells from the bushes and tells her Claire is OK. He found her on the south side of the island sitting there like a little Buddha. Apparently she had just floated around the island and landed on the beach. Shawn digs into a knapsack looking for food. He finds a jar of strained peas. "Even the sharks won't eat that garbage," says Claire.

OMG! Belle discovers a microscopic cut on Claire's finger. Volcano Belle erupts.

Marlena says they will just put Patch in for observation. Kayla says Steve hates that. Marlena says he will hate it more if he finds out he killed someone. Kayla can't betray her husband. Marlena says she has been tortured by the DiMeras herself, "This is not betrayal it is imperfect salvation. I'm talking about the person you need to save from Steve."

Steve pulls the sheet over John's head and stares so hard he burns a hole in his Patch.

Chelsea nukes at Nick. Maggie tells her not to be so loud as she walks away. The brat tells Nick never to come near her again. Nick asks the brat why she is hanging around Rebert. She snaps, "Because he is not you." Nick tells her Rebert isn't being honest with her. Chelsea says, "You're not exactly the poster boy for honesty." She asks what he is doing at the restaurant. Nick says he came to protect her. "What," she asks, "From the gorgeous, rich doctor?"

Rebert comes up and tells Chelsea the car is ready. Nick tells her she doesn't know what she is getting into. Chelsea doesn't agree. She leaves.

Nick tells Rebert Chelsea has no idea what she is doing. "I know," says Dr. Pervert, "Why do you think I spent the evening listening to the babblings of an adolescent?" He buries his fist in Nick's solar plexus. Nick doubles over. Rebert says, "Next time I'll really hurt you."

Patch stalks around the hallway. He pulls the fire alarm. The nurses run like a herd of frightened wildebeest, leaving their patients to fry and die."

Kayla thinks there must be another way. Marlena is sorry, but there isn't. Marlena says Kayla hasn't failed, "Something has kept Steve fighting for control of his own mind. I believe that is you and Stephanie. You will have to tell Stephanie her father killed someone and you could have stopped it."

Patch wheels John and remembers torture treatments. He remembers EJ comforting him and telling him, "You're one of us now."

Patch writhes as the fire alarm bell rings relentlessly. Steve rages and grabs his head.

Phillip stands on the deck in the sun. Jerk du Soliel. He searches the ocean. Kendrick and Stratton walk up. He orders them to resume the search. Kendrick tells him rescue is no longer viable.

Phillip goes off the deep end, "You think my daughter is dead!"

Kendrick tells him there was blood on the raft, "She didn't make it."

Meanwhile, in the distance, Krakatoa, East of Java. Oh, wait. Actually it's just Belle becoming more hysterical. She wonders if something rusty cut Claire. Shawn says it was his knife. OK, that's not so bad. Belle's Prozac kicks in. Shawn says, "Now we just have to figure out how to survive Fantasy Island."

Phillip insists they are wrong. Claire has to be alive. Kendrick tells him they are flying the blood to a forensic lab in Sidney. Nick Fallon will travel there to analyze it. Phillip cold cocks him, "If that blood belongs to my daughter you will pay." Kendrick drags himself up off the deck. He and Stratton just wander off.

Willow comes up to him Phillip. He tees off on her for letting Shawn and Belle get away. Willow wants to make it right. Phillip says, "You have nothing I want."

Willow says, "I have Shawn's baby. I owe you, Phillip, and I always pay back my debts."


Phillip gives her the look of death. Willow leaves. Phillip searches the infinite sea.

Shawn tries to light a fire with wet matches. Belle continues to entertain everyone with her freak-o-rama show. Claire babbles, but she's still more coherent than Belle.

Maggie mops Nick up off the floor. She wonders what happened. Nick tells her to let it go. The bartender hands Nick a glass of water, "That girl is a spitfire."

Maggie tells him, "Spitfires don't like guys who can't take a punch."

"You think I should fight for her," asks Nick.

"It's a good way to get a girl's attention," says Maggie.

Chelsea and Rebert sit in his car. She opens her door to recover the lipstick case she dropped. Rebert reaches across her and closes it. Chelsea asks to go home. "Didn't you hear," says Rebert, "We're going back to my place to have dinner."

"I'm not hungry," says Chelsea.

He puts his hand on her thigh, "Oh, I am."

The nurses walk into John's room cackling, "It's a good thing that was a false alarm or John here would be more well done than the Colonel's extra crispy." Suddenly they discover John is missing.

Kayla agrees to do it. Marlena says it's the right thing. She knows under all the programmed evil is the lovable evil Steve Johnson. Her phone rings. She answers it and gasps, "I'll be right there."

Marlena tells Kayla John is missing as she rushes out. Kayla follows.

Steve stands on the elevator and stares at his vegetable delivery.


Nick yells, "Get out of here." Rebert hits the ground and says, "What the hell?" Nick screams, "You can never touch her. NEVER!"

Bo yanks EJ up by his tie, "What did you do with Steve?"

Kayla goes for the phone, "I'm gonna call the police." Patch stops her, "No. No police. If you call them, people will die. John will die." Note: for those who came in early, this originally said, "A child will die." We changed it in our final edit - we always post as early as possible for the early birds, then run through again and make whatever changes are necessary. We're really having trouble following Patch's mumbling dialogue these days. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Shawn tells Claire, "We're gonna take good care of you." Belle says, "We're going to take good care of each other."


Anonymous applecheeks said...

Not that Phillip is any prize, but this whole idiotic storyline has just made Belch look like a couple of immature idiots!! Running off with a baby and no money, no plans, jumping off a ship in the middle of the ocean filled with sharks!!! I'd take that poor kid away from them in a second.

On the other hand, I can't believe that the Jerk du Soliel [LOL by the way] punches the ship's captain's lights out and doesn't end up in the brig. He's not even a paying passenger for pete's sake!

LOL at Fletch the Letch & Rebert the Prevert, the two Belch pictures and George W's birthday!!

7:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is the actress who plays Belle related to the actress who plays Marlena? They look very similar especially when freaking out or giving "the look".
Loved Patch's disguise, except the Patch!lol

7:24 AM  
Blogger Bulldog said...

"Steve belongs to them now" says the big psychiatrist Marlena. Way to be helpful, doctor. Wouldn't that mean Squints also belongs to them since he was also their pawn?

Loved good ol' Wilson! What a sad state of affairs that he just might be the smartest one in the whole bunch.

I had to stop reading so I wouldn't LOL when I read Patch's big disguise - complete with the patch that nobody would notice. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Great Prevuze, I'll be thinking of that image all day. Thanks! :D

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Phillip tackles her. Willow holds her own. She rips off his wooden leg and smacks him with it. HAHAHAHAHAHA CLASSIC!!!

I just loved the Prevuisms today!!!

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maggie tells the brat to come back when she is 21. That will be a while since Chelsea should only be 9. Billie was pregnant and delivered in 1998. Which also explains Belle's whining all the time she was born on the show I believe in 1993 so that would make her 14. Phillip was born in 1995 and should be 12. So its understandable why they are so immature. Shawn keeps coming up with all these dumb ideas because he is technically the oldest having been born in 1987 (I believe) and that would make him 20 the oldest of the group. Just a few thoughts.

11:06 AM  
Anonymous Theresa said...

If I was Claire, I would wait until the next breast feeding and bite Belle's booby for jumping off the damn ship with me!! I hope the monkeys on the island rescue her from stupid parents!

I haven't watched since they got to Canada.

Is Claire still wearing that headband?

11:32 AM  
Anonymous Theresa said...

"Shawn looks overboard and turns to Belle, "We've got to jump."

And if I were Belle (God forbid!) I would have said "Who is this "we"? You got a turd in your pocket?"

Sorry! I quoted my 10 year old.

11:42 AM  
Anonymous applecheeks said...

Is Claire still wearing that headband?

Yes, and still chomping down crackers & cookies like she has her own private dentist waiting on the island. HAHAHAHA

Theresa - I almost did a spit-take reading your comment about Claire chomping on Belle. Now THAT'S an image that will keep me awake through this long afternoon.

11:42 AM  
Blogger Bulldog said...

"I hope the monkeys on the island rescue her from stupid parents" HAHAHAAHAHAHHA!

1:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


That line about a turd in your pocket is out of South Park. Eric's uncle broke out of prison and shows up at the house. He then says WE are going to hang out here a few days, which is when Eric uses the line. It turns out the uncle broke out with Charlie Manson. Maybe that's where your son got it from

1:11 AM  

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