Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Svengali vs. Jack the Ripper

Jed and Abby are at dinner at Chez Rouge. Maggie serves. It's on the house, of course. As she leaves the table she bends down to Abby and whispers, "He's hot!"

Jed thinks beauty runs in Abby's family, not that he's ever seen any of them. Abby tells him to work on his material. "You're beautiful," says Jed, " And that's a fact. It isn't a line."

Abby says she doesn't hear things like that often. "Then guys in this town are crazy," says Jed.

Max rushes into Mimi's place. Mimi tells him Bonnie somehow made bail. Nick arrives. He says he just came from the lab. He tells them there were traces of blood on the ring. The blood wasn't Bonnie's... It was Mimi's. Psycho shower-scene music plays in the background.

The suspense is over. It's Lucas at EJ's door. EJ opens his bathrobe, flashes Sami and gives her a stupid smile. He tells her to run out the fire escape. Instead, Sami opens the door. Lucas wants to know what she is doing there. He asks if EJ called him. EJ says he did. Lucas asks why he hung up. EJ says he didn't hang up, Sami did. Lucas wants the truth.

Patch arrives at his apartment and cards the door. He has a key, but carding the door is way cooler. Kayla comes out and finds him. She's glad he came home. Steve asks about John. "He's doing great for a man in a vegetative state missing half his vital organs," says Kayla. Kayla says she told the hospital about the unorthodox operation. She thinks she will lose her license now. She hands Patch the phone and tells him to turn himself in. Patch can't do that. He's getting out of town. He asks for money and directions to Shawn and Belle's island.

Kayla begs him not to go. He says he doesn't have a choice. More begging. More no-choicing. Patch rages. He says he can't win this one. Kayla refuses to help him. He says he has to go, "You know you can't stop me."

"Don't be so sure about that." Careful, Patch. She already ripped John's guts out today.

Lucas says he agreed to work for Myth-Ick if EJ would move out. EJ didn't live up to his end of the bargain. EJ makes excuses. He had work to do. Lucas thinks EJ wants to stay there to be closer to Sami.

Jed asks about the guy Abby is seeing. She says she lied, and really isn't seeing anyone. But she likes a guy who is involved with a girl who is in a mess right now. That narrows it down to most of the population of Salem. Jed says the girlfriend normally wins in cases like that.

The aforementioned girlfriend can't believe it's her blood on the ring. Nick decides they are about to kill the messenger, and leaves. Mimi breaks down as Bonnie comes home. Mimi wants to know who gave her the bail money. Victor. He took pity on her. Mimi thinks she's lying. She tells Bonnie the only evidence is the ring with her blood on it, "Explain that one, Mom."

"I told you to leave it alone," says Bonnie, "Nick's wrong."

Mimi doesn't buy it. She screams, "For once in your life just tell me the truth."

Bonnie says, "OK I'll tell you but you're not going to like it. In fact you'll wish you never knew."

Abby tells Jed he doesn't know anything about this. He apologizes for prying. He tells her to give it her best shot if she likes the guy. "This relationship wouldn't be for all the Days Of Our Lives," says Abby, "But we just click."

Jed understands, "It's like you meet someone and they fill up that hole that is there." He wonders why she changed her mind and went out with him. Abby says she went out with him as a friend. He tells her when he likes someone he goes for it.

Steve and Kayla go over well-trodden ground. She begs. He refuses. You zap.

EJ thinks Lucas' accusations are tiresome. EJ says he asked for Lucas to meet with him for some truth telling. Sami wants to leave but EJ stops her, "Lucas, I know sometimes you must think I am Svengali and sometimes you think I am Jack the Ripper. I gave you a job when no one would touch you with a ten-foot pole. And all I get is insubordination and the insinuation that I am lying."

"I'm not insinuating anything," says Lucas, "I am being direct."

"Then let me be direct," says EJ. He turns to Sami, "You want the truth, sunshine? I've got it coming to you in spades."

EJ says he never had any intention of moving out – because of Sami. He wants to be near her, "And because I have the maturity of a fifteen year old I don't want anyone else to get my girl." Fifteen year olds everywhere gasp at the insult. "What are the consequences if I don't move out?"

"I'll quit and take my family to another town," says Lucas.

"I like that feeling of being hit in the forehead by a two-by-four when I see someone who I'm in love with," says Jed."

"Gosh," says Abby, "You must've been in love a lot. But I think it's romantic."

"It got me in," says Jed.

Bonnie slugs down a drink, "OK Meems, here's what happened..."

Flashback... "Your father came home smelling of booze and cheap perfume. He was always trying to turn me on like that. He was unemployed and spending every dollar we had on floozies. He was never violent with me before, but I pushed him beyond his breaking point. He knocked me down. He came after me again. Out of nowhere, you came in. You grabbed him and he hit you with the hand with the ring. And that's how the blood got there."

Mimi says she doesn't remember any of this. She swears Bonnie is lying. Bonnie claims it's the truth.


"After he hit you he came at me again," says Bonnie as the flashback continues, "He tried to strangle me. That's when you picked up Connor's bat and hit him." Psycho shower-scene music plays in the background.

In the flashback, Mimi swings for the fences and smacks her dad. David staggers around the room in one of the longest Hollywood deaths on record. "Oh," he gasps, "I coulda had a V-8! "

"You hit him," says Bonnie, "He fell. There was blood... and he was dead."

"No! I didn't," screams Meems, "I couldn't kill my own father!"

More Steve and Kayla. Patch comes out as she hangs up the phone and tells him she was calling the hospital to say she wouldn't be in today. More begging. More refusing. He wants to know why she keeps giving him second chances. Because she loves him. He tells her to give up on him. He is a danger to her. Kayla says, "If you wanna walk out that door, you'll have to kill me first."

Steve says, "I just want to get the newspaper. Now I don't know whether to kill you or just read it on the Internet."

EJ says Lucas has a deal. "You're moving out," asks Sami. Yes. EJ is moving. Lucas will be happy to help. He goes to get boxes.

Sami starts to leave. EJ grabs her, "Where did you think you are going, Blondie? I'm keeping my deal with your boy so you keep your deal with me. You find out what the police have on me, or I let Lucas know that may not be his baby you're carrying." Lucas walks in and we have the "it's supposed to look like I just heard all that but I didn't" moment.

Maggie comes up to Abby and Jed's table and makes small talk. Suddenly, she sees Willow across the room and heads over to talk to her. Abby says, "This could be bad. That girl used to be a prostitute. Her name is Willow Stark."

"Perhaps I should introduce myself," says Jed, "My name is Jed... Jed STARK. Willow is my sister!" Psycho shower-scene music plays in the background.

Mimi is hysterical. Bonnie tries to get through to her. Bonnie tells her she tranqued her after the murder, and when Mimi woke up she conveniently didn't remember anything. Bonnie called Patrick and they took the body to the church. Mimi wails, "All those years I thought he was on the road he was roadkill."

Bonnie says she will protect her. Just to make sure, she wants Mimi to leave Salem for good. The audience gives a standing ovation.

Patch warns Kayla. She says he can warn and threaten or even kill her but she isn't stepping aside. Steve sobs. She says she's going to call her brothers and they will help. Patch is uncharacteristically calm, "Call anyone you want." Kayla dials. Patch bolts for the door. He hurls it open to find a couple of cops standing there.

Patch has a meltdown, "You didn't call the hospital before! You set me up!"

Clueless Jed wonders why Abby called Willow a prostitute.

Willow asks Maggie for her old job back. Maggie refuses.

Jed walks up, "Hey, Willie."


"What's going on?"

"I was here on business," says Willow, "I'll call you later." He accuses her of lying.

Nick finds Abby. He tells her she looks like she is watching a train wreck. "Yeah," says Abby, "They're showing DOOL on the TV over the bar. My date went off the tracks, too."

Bonnie swears she isn't lying. She says it's too late to undo things because hiding the body was a crime, too. She's in it up to her ears. She begs Mimi to let her make up for a lifetime of bad choices. Bonnie asks Max to step in and support her. She begs Mimi to go to Arizona with Connor, "You have to go tonight."

Mimi flashes back to the murder and reels. Max says Bonnie is right. She's gotta go. In more ways than one.

Patch rages at Kayla for setting him up. He tries to run but the cops grab him.

Lucas brings boxes and tape into EJ's apartment. He asks Sami to go celebrate, "See ya at the office, boss."

Sami attacks him in the hallway, "You were amazing. The way you handle duct tape turns me on."

Willow wants to talk later. Jed wonders how she got the tuition money. "I can't...," cries Willow. She runs out.

Abby steps in and tells Jed to leave her alone. Jed chases.

Abby says turns to Nick and says, "It's official I am a failure at dating."

Nick says, "I think I have an idea. I know a way to turn things around for both of us."

Max says he doesn't understand. Maybe there is a grand reason why they found Mimi's dad walled up in the church. But he tells Mimi it's right that Bonnie wants a future for her. Mimi is a fountain of tears.

Mimi acts as if she cares and asks what will happen to Bonnie. Bonnie says she'll turn on her charm and the judge will go easy on her. Mimi guesses this is it for her and Max, too. She hopes there is more than one of him out there. The world hopes there is only one Mimi. Mimi bawls, "I love you, Mom." Bonnie loves her. Max and Mimi leave.

Bonnie breaks down, "God... Oh God!"

Jed walks outside Chez Rouge and yells for Willow.

Maggie is on her phone, "Give me a call. I need to talk about Willow and her baby."

Nick suggests they go on a double date, "You and Jed, Chelsea and me."

Abby says, "There is no me and Jed. He's just a nice guy whose life I just ruined."

Nick says he just saw Max and Mimi, "They seemed tighter than ever. It's time to move on." Abby agrees.

Lucas and Sami steam up the hallway. Sami says she went to EJ to tell him to stop playing games with them. Lucas insists he can fight his own battles. She begs him not to push EJ. Lucas suggests a shower – together.

EJ comes out and dials his phone, "I'm calling about my father. Was the operation a success? Good. I want an update every half hour. When he wakes, tell him our plans will proceed."

The cop reads Patch his rights. Patch can't believe Kayla betrayed him like this. The cops tell him he has the right to an attorney. Patch tells them they have the right to shut up. He turns to Kayla, "You just signed my death warrant, baby, and this time I won't be coming back!" The cops haul him out like yesterday's garbage.

FF Kayla.

Don't miss this week's thrilling episode of Survivor. Participants discover Shawn and Belle and vote themselves off the island, making the loser stay.


Willow says to Hope, "If something were to happen to me, like I show up dead and the autopsy shows this baby is Shawn's, you're rep as Saint Hope would be gone."

Shawn says, "All Willow Stark meant to me was just sex." Belle asks, "So how do I know when you put your hands all over me it's not just sex?"

Kayla bawls, "I want the man I love to come home with me." Patch says, "I'm gonna die there. And I'm gonna die knowing that you killed me."


Blogger L said...

Where the heck is Jack?? Jeez louise, talk about wasted opportunities!

4:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

zI'm sure Max did think it was a good idea for Mimi to leave, not for her sake but so he can move on to Abby. Jerk.

7:29 AM  
Blogger Bulldog said...

This might be the worst case of rewriting history in order to quickly get rid of a couple of characters I've seen. First of all, Connor has always been Mimi's YOUNGER brother. (So wouldn't it have made more sense for it to have been Patrick's baseball bat?) And Mimi was supposedly so young she doesn't even remember it but she was strong enough to konk the dad hard enough to kill him?
And finally, even if all of that really happened why would Mimi have to leave town?

Despite all of that ridiculousness, great Prevuze today - especially the poor Survivors on the island with Belch and "where are the desserts?" HAHAHAHAHA Thanks, Prevuze!

7:53 AM  
Anonymous applecheeks said...

Bulldog - you took the comments right out of my mouth.

The poor SPD can't catch a break! They had their forensics pour over that ring to try and determine who the skeleton was and found zilch. The just-out-of-college lab dork working with whatever limited resources are available at Salem Hospital not only found blood, but apparently had access to a database that could match the sample to all known blood samples in the universe! Unless Nick specifically tried to match it to Mimi.

LOL at Prevuze comments, "...thought my Dad was on the road, but he was roadkill."; the Survivor teaser; and ALL the pictures.

9:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't care how bad the writing is... as long as Meme is GONE!

3:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If anybody set-up anybody , Steve is the one who set-up Kayla! Steve is a jerk!

8:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you know what would be funny if Sami and Erik turned out to be stefano's kids

4:41 AM  

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