Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Cunning, Deceitful and Manipulative

EJ sits in his bathrobe and ruffles his newspaper, preparing for a quiet evening, which we all know will never happen. He hears a knock and says, "Coming Samantha!"

Sami stands at his door and asks, "How did you know it was me?"

"I've been expecting you."

Sami wants to talk. She wants to know why he followed them to Chez Rouge last night. EJ tells her with affairs to the heart, honesty is the best policy, "I'm gonna tell Lucas his wife-to-be slept with another man."

Abby comes into the garage and yells, "MAX!" Max is working under the hood of a car. He hears Abby, jerks up and slams his head into the open hood. Hope he didn't damage it – the hood, that is. Abby is glad he called. They discuss Bonnie's murder confession. Abby thinks Max should be with Mimi in her time of tribulation. Max thinks Mimi counts on him too much, "Her family is a train wreck. I need a break from it. The truth is... Mimi is squeezing me dry."

The nurses in the lab advise Nick not to start anything. Dr. Prevert walks in, and then Dr. Endo comes in with the brat. He wants to talk to Dr. Prevert privately.

Dr. Prevert looks shocked and confused. The brat chimes in, "Did you think I would let you get away with it?"

Shawn and Belle worry about food. Shawn has some of the island's indigenous cuisine. He tells her he just grabbed whatever looked tasty. Belle thinks it could be poisonous. "There is only one way to find out," says Brainiac. He and Belle decide to "flip" to see who will be the guinea pig. "Tails," says Shawn, as he pops a berry into his mouth, "You lose."

Abby tells Max he isn't doing anything wrong. Abby thinks Mimi understands. Max isn't so sure, "Good guys don't bail. I'm sick of hearing my own voice telling her it will be OK."

"So is the audience," says Abby. She tells him he cares a lot and a real jerk wouldn't care. She volunteers to help with his backlog. Some work with her hands might relax her.

EJ says he isn't playing a game. He intends to tell Lucas the truth. Sami says it will be the biggest mistake of his life. She tells him they both got what they wanted that night and eventually it will be proved he shot John. EJ says body and soul are forever. Sami insists, "You raped me!"

"No matter what you say," says EJ, "There was more to what happened that night than saving Lucas' life."

Sami wants to know why he is trying to ruin her life.

Endo says Chelsea has launched a complaint. Dr. Prevert gives his side, "Obviously miss Brady is a pathological liar."

Abby inspects a set of wrenches. Max tells her she is amazing. He reminisces about learning to change oil with Pop. If she keeps hanging around he might tell her everything. She asks him to grab her a soda while she gets back to work.

"OK lady," says Max, "You got it." He turns to go into the office and whispers, "Do you ever."

Shawn says the berry tastes like chicken. Brain-dead Belle doesn't get it. "I'M KIDDING," says Shawn, "Its' better than Brussels sprouts." Suddenly, Shawn hitches and heaves. Belle panics. Shawn erupts like the island volcano.

Dr. Prevert says Chelsea needs professional help, and he can recommend a good shrink. Nick steps up to the plate. He says he was there and saw him groping her. "Gimme a break," says Dr. Prevert, "You told me how you've been trying to get into her pants for months." He tells Dr. Endo Nick lies too.

"You should look at the evidence," says Nick.

EJ says this is classic Sami, lying and then lapping up all the attention. Sami claims he forced her to lie – She saved Lucas' life, and she deserves for everyone to be proud of her, "Do you know how much I have wanted that, and for how long? What is with you, anyway? You could have any woman you want. Why do you want me?"

"The only thing I want," says EJ, "is to be the father of my child. And I won't let some dime-a-dozen loser like Lucas stand in the way. We are bound together forever."

Abby finishes working on the car. Jed walks in and, of course, it turns out to be his car. Abby says she owes him an apology. She thought he was hitting on her when he said he had car trouble.

Not to worry, Jed WAS hitting on her, so he apologizes, too. Max conveniently gets a call from Mimi and steps into the other room.

Jed didn't know Abby could fix cars or he wouldn't have given up so fast.

"It wasn't so bad going down," says Shawn, "But coming up..." Belle suggests eating coconuts. "You got a drill," asks Shawn, "There is no way we can get them open without one."

Belle decides it's her turn to try some of the potentially poison food. Shawn immediately pops another.

Nick whips out his cell phone and shows Dr. Endo an incriminating picture he took last night. Endo hauls Dr. Prevert upstairs.

Nick tells the brat he thought she'd be mad if she knew he took the picture. She thanks him. He says everyone who works here is grateful to her, "Rebert put the moves on others. You're like Norma Ray." The brat gives him a blank stare. "You know," says Nick, "Erin Brockovitch... Laura Croft... Debra Norville..."

A dim bulb lights up over the brat's head, "Ohhhh... it's a compliment."

Sami rants. She tells EJ he doesn't know for sure if it's his kid. EJ points out that Lucas doesn't either, "Seems only sporting to let him know. There is no evidence that I forced you."

Sami thinks the police might like to hear how EJ escaped the roadblock. She wants to make a deal. EJ was hoping they would get to that position.

Jed gets in and starts his car. He compliments her work. She says Max did most of it. Jed tells her he has to wait on Max for the bill so she has to entertain him.

"Guess again," says Abby, "I've just spent hours in the library and then came here. It's been a long day." Jed says his sister came up with tuition at the last minute and he's trying to catch up on all his work, so he's wiped, too, "What would you say if I asked you out." Abby kind of rolls her eyes and gives him a blank stare.

Shawn says he feels better. It looks like the berries are OK, but he doesn't know where he could get more, "How do you feel about squirrels?"

"To eat," asks Belle, "You can't be serious."

"Rabbits?"

Belle reels in horror, "You would kill a bunny?" If the pioneer women of the early nineteenth century would have been like Belle, the western boundary of the United States would be Pittsburgh.

"We have to eat something," says Shawn.

Well, you'd better believe Belle the trooper isn't feeding her child a shish-ka-bobbed animal, "Fish are OK," says Belle, "But only the ugly ones."

They decide will stick to the wild berry south island fish diet and shed all those unwanted pounds.

"That's the spirit," says Belle, "How many pounds would you like to shed?"

"How much do you weigh," asks Shawn.


Shawn decides he's glad he's on the island. Belle says, "Stuck with me."

Shawn says, "Gladly." They hold hands.

EJ says the Salem PD is interested in his case again. He knows her daddy runs the PD, so she can con Roman and make some inquires to find out what they are up to. Sami points out the Salem PD doesn't discuss its inquiries with just anyone.

"Yes," says EJ, "But Samantha darling, you are not just anyone. You are quite the most cunning, deceitful and manipulative person I have ever met... not related to me. With the right incentive you could get your daddy to tell you everything I need to know."

Jed says it's his fault they started off on the wrong foot. Abby says she's seeing someone... kinda. Jed tells her he is majoring in business. He's going to run his own fortune 500 company. Baseball is his fallback.

Abby says she can't go out with him.

The baby babbles. So does Claire. Belle thinks she is dreaming, and decides they all could use some sleep. She arranges the blanket. Shawn heads for the hills. Belle tells him he can stay there. They lie down together and Shawn puts his hand on her tummy, "Is this OK?"

Belle just tells him good night.

A cop escorts Dr. Prevert through the lab. Dr. Prevert is carrying a box with his personal things in it. The brat rubs it in, "See you later, Dr. Selazeberg!"

Dr. Endo comes in. He announces effective immediately Dr. Prevert has resigned. Senior staff will supervise the lab in the interim. Everyone applauds Nick and Chelsea.

Sami says she won't lie to Roman for EJ. EJ expects her to do whatever she has to do to save her relationship. Sami refuses, "Sorry."

"Sorry," says EJ, "That much I guarantee. However, I have a feeling you will change your mind." He takes out his cell phone and makes a call to tell Lucas everything.

Abby apologizes. Max comes out. He asks Abby to lock up. Mimi is in bad shape and he has to run to her side. Max leaves. Abby will handle the invoice.

"Bye," says Abby.

Jed watches Max leave, "Bye-bye." Abby suggests figuring it out over a cup of coffee if the offer is still open.

The brat can't believe she told the truth and it worked out for her, "The best part is Dr. Endo called me a colleague. Like I actually belong here working in the lab."

Nick says, "That's because you deserve it."

Chelsea asks, "I do?"

Prevuze

"You deserve so much, Chelsea," says Nick, "If you're lucky, you won't get it."

Shawn and Belle decide they are OK. In a conversation reminiscent of Yogi Berra talking to Casey Stingle in Japanese, the brain-trust attempts to figure out what the word "OK" means. Shawn thought she meant him-and-her-OK. Belle meant OK-OK. Einstein looks down and takes notes, "And I thought that relativity thing was hard to understand."

Shawn gets it, though. No doubt "OK" means "jump my bones." He attacks like a school of hungry piranhas.

EJ holds up his phone, "Still ringing..." Sami grabs the phone. "I take it we have a deal. I need to know what the police have in mind."

"Why did you come back," asks Sami, "What is so freaking important here anyway?"

EJ says, "You are. You're the reason I came back."

Abby hands Jed the repair bill. She heads for her coat and tells him to warm up the car. They decide they're "cool."

Abby turns away, "Very cool. Your loss, Max."

The brat tells Nick he's being very quiet. He asks if she can't hear his heart pounding. He claims his heart pounds whenever he's hungry. She offers to make dinner. He can come over for that and then can help her with calculus. Nick is flattered by the attention.

The Swiss Family Ree-tard certainly won't run short of ice on the island. That is not what Belle had in mind. Belle pushes him away. Shawn is shocked. He thought that is what she wanted.

"So typical," says the ice queen, "You are so clueless." Shawn apologizes for missing the signals.

Belle screams, "I DIDN'T SEND ANY SIGNALS, other than asking you to sleep with me." Belle tells him to go away.

EJ says he really cares about Sami. Sami thinks he has a strange way of showing it. He thinks she is a uniquely compelling sensual woman. Sami says that won't get her to throw herself at his feet. She will never, ever care about him. EJ says she is wrong and is afraid of how she feels. Sami says she will get his information but she's doing it for her and Lucas and Will and the baby.

A knock interrupts the precious moment. "What if that's Lucas," asks EJ, "You might care then. I wonder if he saw the caller ID. Let's find out. Do you want to do the honors or shall I?" FF Sami.


Previews
========

Abby says, "It's official I am a failure at dating. Nick says, "I think I have an idea. I know a way to turn things around for both of us."

Kayla tells Steve, "If you wanna walk out that door, you'll have to kill me first."

EJ says to Sami, "You want the truth, sunshine? I've got it coming to you in spades." The bump on a log stands there like a Lucas.

Mimi says, "For once in your life just tell me the truth. Bonnie says, "OK I'll tell you but you're not going to like it. In fact you'll wish you never knew." Max looks on.

10 Comments:

Anonymous xXj-LyNnXx said...

Hey what's wrong with Pittsburgh?? I'm from Pittsburgh!!

4:48 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Hey what's wrong with Pittsburgh??

Uh... well... the point is it's not very far west... and... pioneer women got us all the way to the Pacific... but Belle...

Oh, hell. I shoulda said "Wheeling."

5:41 AM  
Anonymous xXj-LyNnXx said...

Well actually we're not West at all....we're East. I don't mean to pull your chain, I'm just trying to clarify the location. I love your site and I read it everyday. Keep up the good work.

6:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

something's very wrong here....

7:19 AM  
Blogger Bulldog said...

Ha! A sister with last minute tuition...Applecheeks called it correctly the other day. Jed is Willow's brother.

I think Prevuze is being too generous regarding how far Jr./Belle would get as pioneers. I think based on today's episode it wouldn't be much further west than Plymouth Rock.

I LOL at the great Prevuisms today like "How much do you weigh?" and Yogi anc Casey. HAHAHAHAHAHHA

Thanks for the much needed laughs this morning? :D

8:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, let's use some small words here. We know Pittsburgh is east, which means its not west. So if the pioneer women only got as far as Pittsburgh, it means that we didn't get very far to the west since, as we've already agreed, Pittsburgh is east.

Other than the terrible confusion Prevuze has caused among the citizens of the western city of Pittsburgh, great Prevuze today. Loved the Swiss Family Retard and Shawn wanting to know how much Belle weighs so he knows how many pounds to shed.

8:07 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

NOTICE: By popular demand, we are officially changing the aforementioned text to read:

Belle reels in horror, "You would kill a bunny?" If the pioneer women of the early nineteenth century would have been like Belle, the western boundary of the United States would be Pittsburg, Kansas. Belle herself would have stayed on the east coast until the invention of the hair dryer. Kate Roberts would have led the charge forward under the battle cry, "Westward HO!"

8:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't comment often but i had to say something today.. I loved the separated at birth, blooming onion.
ROFLMBO, I will be remembering this one for a while.

8:47 AM  
Anonymous MomofDNA said...

Um, not that I have experience, but I wouldn't think there is anything remotely fun or relaxing about being STRANDED on a deserted island with my BABY for who knows how long!! Have they not seen "Castaway"??? They act like it's vacation in paradise.

These poor actors--the crud they have to recite....

10:27 AM  
Anonymous applecheeks said...

Wonderful Prevuze. Fantastic pictures. Great Prevuisms (my favorite along with everyone else was Shawn shedding weight by dropping Belle.)

And the comment stream is a hoot! Pittsburg Kansas and Kate yelling, "Westward Ho".

Too bad I couldn't get to it all until practically the end of the day!!

Only one more day of hell, then I can actually read Prevuze in the AM - when I desperately need it.

6:11 PM  

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