For Better Phone Reception, Remove Your Bra
Melanie and Brady are trapped in the crypt. Is this great stuff, or what? Tell me, where else... Melanie takes their situation in stride and has a total meltdown.
Bo and Hope arrive at the Kiriakis mansion. Lucas answers. OMG! Lucas finally found a job! He's the Kiriakis butler. Bo and Hope tell him they are there as family, not as cops. Bo's pants immediately ignite.
Kate discovers Chloe and Daniel groping each other "like a couple of horny teenagers." Chloe insists they are just friends. Kate is skeptical. What's her problem? They sure looked friendly to me.
Stephanie finally stops sobbing long enough to hear Phillip. He promises to take her home. Like that puppy he found. Only the puppy was worth keeping. Stephanie tells him Owen is going to take her away, saving him the trouble.
Kate tells Chloe maybe she is being too harsh, "Just because you're a lying slut doesn't mean you don't have a moment of truth every once in a while." In spite of that, she calls Lucas to come out and see the truth for himself. Daniel tires to reel Kate in and says she needs to think it through.
Inside, Lucas tells Bo that Victor kicked Brady out. Then the poor, naïve doofbag decides to let Bo and Hope look around. Henderson is the only intelligent person in the room and he stops them, "Before you can do that, you need a warrant."
Bo gives Henderson his crafty smile, pulls an official-looking piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to Henderson.
Henderson looks it over, "This isn't a warrant, it's an extended WARRANTY... on the used 1987 Yugo you just bought."
"Close enough for the SPD," says Bo.
Owen wants his dad to take a vacation. Daddy Owen tells him he has to take care of the new body that just arrived from the Brady pub, "before it starts glowing in the dark from all the chowdah inside."
Phillip calls for Stephanie as she remembers his marriage proposal. Stephanie finally acknowledges him as Phillip decides to text Melanie and Brady.
Satan booms, "Not if I have anything to say about it."
Chloe begs Kate not to tell Lucas. Daniel supports her and tells Kate nothing happened, "Your definition of nothing is different than mine. As I recall, you and I did a lot of that kind of nothing ourselves."
Henderson bars Bo from looking around. Bo tells him, in that case, Henderson has to go downtown for questioning.
"Why can't you question me here," asks Henderson.
"I have to get someone to ask the questions," says Bo, "You don't think Hope and I are intelligent enough to ask them, do you?"
They leave as Kate comes in, saying she has something to tell Lucas. Daniel and Chloe follow.
Brady and Melanie moan about their state of trappeditude. Melanie decides she is cold, which gives Brady a chance to take off his shirt and give it to her. The low temperatures in the crypt make his muscles do some extra rippling. Melanie thanks him for his shirt and starts wandering around the crypt, when...
Phillip sends his text to Melanie and Brady:
"HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN A
Of course, since he's on the lam, these are the only two people in the world he can contact.
Daddy says he wants Owen's help with embalming Phillip. Owen agrees.
Stephanie and Phillip express their feelings of love for each other. And the Emmy for the most touching scene while trapped in separate drawers on slabs in a morgue goes to...
Kate remembers promising Chloe she wouldn't tell Lucas the truth, so she cops out and tells Lucas she's worried about Phillip. Lucas wants to know what else she wanted to say. Met only with silence, motormouth does what he does best and rants to the entire bunch of them.
I'm not making this up, folks. What follows next is a new low even for DOOL.
Hope sits at a table in the pub. Pete brings her a bag and tells her Caroline sent it to Bo. Bo walks in and sits with her as nosy Hope pulls a box of cereal from the bag. She gives Bo an inquisitive look and points at the box, "Crappyos?"
"Yeah," says Bo, "I had a physical the other day and the doc said I have to watch my cholesterol. I read where Crappyos help to lower cholesterol, so I thought I'd give it a shot."
"Gooollllllleeeeee," says Hope, "I didn't know Crappyos lower your cholesterol. How do they do that?"
"Crappyos have so many chemicals in them, they give you cancer before the cholesterol has time to build up," says Bo.
"Interesting," says Hope, "Well, that was an even more blatant product placement ad than the one we did for Tyson Chicken Turds."
Henderson shows up. In other words, Bo the top cop took Henderson in for questioning and instead of grilling him at the station, not only does it at the pub, put lets the 'suspect' wander in when he feels like it. Bo asks him when he last saw Brady.
Meanwhile, back at the morgue, we slowly pan around the place until we come to a special section. A sign above the drawers reads:
Phillip and Stephanie continue to snivel, huff, express desire and breathe heavily until they hear someone coming. We also take this opportunity to note that the morgue drawers are so well-lit, too.
Daddy and Owen come into the morgue. Daddy asks, "Why am I hearing noises?"
Owen has the answer to that one, "Overacting."
Chloe tells Lucas people are just edgy, "But no one is keeping anything from you. What's to hide, anyway, you already know I'm a slut."
Daniel takes Kate out for air. And that's what we get – hot air.
Chloe tells Lucas to stop being paranoid. Lucas thinks she's trying to change the subject and hide something. He thinks she doesn't want him to get his memory back. "I'm not worried about you getting your memory back," she protests, "It won't happen, because that would require a brain."
Henderson tells Bo, "You don't have to worry about Brady. I saw him with Melanie."
"YIKES," squeals Bo, "With Melanie? I'll get out an APB. He's in more trouble than I thought."
Melanie is just slightly confused about why she suddenly has to go au naturel.
Brady gives her the technical explanation, "For better phone reception, remove your bra."
"I've heard a lot of lines in my time," says Melanie, "But that one takes the prize."
Brady works on the bra, attaches the wire and invents the Brady Brawire Boobbooster, a device which in the future will make him millions. He holds the phone up and... voila! He gets a signal! Melanie is elated. She jumps up and down and bounces around the crypt screaming for joy. Brady stops her, "Under the circumstances, perhaps you'd better not bounce things around too much."
Daddy leaves the morgue to scout things out. Stephanie wants to know what Phillip will do when they try to embalm him. Phillip tells her they can't embalm a body that is 75% tungsten.
Owen opens Melanie's drawer and tells her to clam up. The audience cheers.
Chloe says she thinks this is about the dream Lucas had. She insists she loves him. Chloe has a lot of love to give and feels it's only fair to spread it around to more than one guy. Lucas thinks there is more she isn't telling him.
Daniel tells Kate not to interfere. Kate doesn't care what he wants. He tells her that jealousy is eating her alive. "That's the mosquitoes out here on the terrace," says Kate, "Perhaps we should go back inside."
Henderson tells Bo and Hope, "I think Melanie and Phillip have mended fences." They let him go and head for the cemetery where Phillip was last seen.
Melanie's elation ends when Brady's phone battery dies. She pulls her phone out and, what a coincidence, her battery is dead too. "We'd better go to Plan B," says Brady.
"What's that," asks Melanie.
"I don't know," says Brady, "but 'B' stands for 'Bad' because I'm sure that's what it will be when I come up with it." We're just full of coincidences, today. This just happens to be the family crypt and when Melanie mentions Isabella, Brady tells her Isabella was his mother.
Owen slides Stephanie out and says they have to go. She decides she's hungry and wants food. Owen thinks she's stalling and pulls out his Glock.
Kate admits she was once attracted to Daniel, but the more she got to know him the more she found him disgusting, "Of all the men I've been with you are the most repulsive."
"In a way," says Daniel, "that's kind of an honor – to be the most repulsive man in the country."
Lucas presses. Chloe insists she isn't hiding anything. He doesn't want her pity and tells her to leave. Chloe flashes back to a hot session with Daniel. Lucas nearly taunts her, "Go ahead! Tell me! I can take it."
"OK," says Chloe, "I will."
Shirtless Brady and braless Melanie talk about his dad and Isabella. Melanie gets sappy and says she thinks Isabella will watch over them and protect them.
Up in heaven, Isabella turns to St. Peter and says, "She's right. I will protect them."
"Good," says St. Peter, "She needs something to protect them now that she's not wearing a bra."
Did you notice how Prevuze did not have God himself delivering that line? We truly believe God has a sense of humor, but it's always a good practice to stop short of out-and-out blasphemy.
Stephanie insists she wants to go away with Owen. Owen doesn't buy it and roughs her up. Stephanie swipes his gun and gets the drop on Owen. Phillip hears all the commotion, somehow swivels around inside the drawer and kicks his way out.
Kate dunno. She thinks maybe she needs to find another way to ensure her kids' happiness after she is gone, given the fact that her cancer might come back. "Just the fact that you are gone," says Daniel, "will ensure that everyone is happy – except for your johns."
Daniel leaves. Kate mulls things over, "He broke his promise, so now I have to break mine."
Chloe tells Lucas she was planning on leaving town without saying goodbye. Lucas asks why she would do something like that. "Just because I am screwed up," says Chloe. Lucas has to concede that makes sense, but says he's never been happier with anybody. She is the only person he wants. Awwww... Hugs.
Bo and Hope scour the cemetery and find Melanie's hospital ID card. "Evidence," gasps Bo, "This proves Melanie works for the hospital."
"Your genius is exceeded only by your horniness," says Hope.
Melanie finds a candy bar in her purse. Brady tells her she can have it all. Melanie is taken with the story of John and Isabella, "If I could die in Isabella's shoes I'd be a happy woman. I'm sure she had killer shoes."
Owen whirls, twirls and executes a John Black reversal. Phillip jumps out and Owen gets the drop on both of them. So there you have it. It's the whining woman-child and the bionic man against the crazed stalker. "I have an idea," says Phillip, "Why don't you shoot her and let's go have a beer?"
Stephanie turns up the whine-o-meter, "Phillllliiiipppp... what are you saaayyyyyiiinnnngggg..."
That does it. Owen turns and aims the gun at Stephanie...
As Phillip and Owen step over Stephanie's body on the way out, Phillip puts his hand on Owen's shoulder, "Man, that beer is gonna taste good."
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