Sunday, May 31, 2009

For Better Phone Reception, Remove Your Bra

Phillip lies in his morgue drawer and calls for Stephanie. Is this great stuff, or what? Tell me, where else can you read an opening line like that and not either break out laughing or wet yourself in fear? Only on DOOL. Stephanie gives him her usual intelligent and articulate response, "Wah-wah-snivel-snot-wah-wah-sob."

Melanie and Brady are trapped in the crypt. Is this great stuff, or what? Tell me, where else... Melanie takes their situation in stride and has a total meltdown.

Bo and Hope arrive at the Kiriakis mansion. Lucas answers. OMG! Lucas finally found a job! He's the Kiriakis butler. Bo and Hope tell him they are there as family, not as cops. Bo's pants immediately ignite.

Kate discovers Chloe and Daniel groping each other "like a couple of horny teenagers." Chloe insists they are just friends. Kate is skeptical. What's her problem? They sure looked friendly to me.

Stephanie finally stops sobbing long enough to hear Phillip. He promises to take her home. Like that puppy he found. Only the puppy was worth keeping. Stephanie tells him Owen is going to take her away, saving him the trouble.

Kate tells Chloe maybe she is being too harsh, "Just because you're a lying slut doesn't mean you don't have a moment of truth every once in a while." In spite of that, she calls Lucas to come out and see the truth for himself. Daniel tires to reel Kate in and says she needs to think it through.

Inside, Lucas tells Bo that Victor kicked Brady out. Then the poor, naïve doofbag decides to let Bo and Hope look around. Henderson is the only intelligent person in the room and he stops them, "Before you can do that, you need a warrant."

Bo gives Henderson his crafty smile, pulls an official-looking piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to Henderson.

Henderson looks it over, "This isn't a warrant, it's an extended WARRANTY... on the used 1987 Yugo you just bought."

"Close enough for the SPD," says Bo.


Owen wants his dad to take a vacation. Daddy Owen tells him he has to take care of the new body that just arrived from the Brady pub, "before it starts glowing in the dark from all the chowdah inside."

Phillip calls for Stephanie as she remembers his marriage proposal. Stephanie finally acknowledges him as Phillip decides to text Melanie and Brady.

In the next DOOL episode, Stephanie discovers she has to go to the bathroom while locked in the drawer. Episode title: "Whiney the Poo."

Brady assures Melanie they will find a way out of there. Melanie tells him if she dies today she will go to hell.

Satan booms, "Not if I have anything to say about it."

Chloe begs Kate not to tell Lucas. Daniel supports her and tells Kate nothing happened, "Your definition of nothing is different than mine. As I recall, you and I did a lot of that kind of nothing ourselves."

Henderson bars Bo from looking around. Bo tells him, in that case, Henderson has to go downtown for questioning.

"Why can't you question me here," asks Henderson.

"I have to get someone to ask the questions," says Bo, "You don't think Hope and I are intelligent enough to ask them, do you?"


They leave as Kate comes in, saying she has something to tell Lucas. Daniel and Chloe follow.

Brady and Melanie moan about their state of trappeditude. Melanie decides she is cold, which gives Brady a chance to take off his shirt and give it to her. The low temperatures in the crypt make his muscles do some extra rippling. Melanie thanks him for his shirt and starts wandering around the crypt, when...

FREAK-OUT!

Phillip sends his text to Melanie and Brady:

"HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN A LAME SOAP OPERA DRAWER IN THE MORGUE."

Of course, since he's on the lam, these are the only two people in the world he can contact.

Daddy says he wants Owen's help with embalming Phillip. Owen agrees.

Stephanie and Phillip express their feelings of love for each other. And the Emmy for the most touching scene while trapped in separate drawers on slabs in a morgue goes to...

Kate remembers promising Chloe she wouldn't tell Lucas the truth, so she cops out and tells Lucas she's worried about Phillip. Lucas wants to know what else she wanted to say. Met only with silence, motormouth does what he does best and rants to the entire bunch of them.

I'm not making this up, folks. What follows next is a new low even for DOOL.

Hope sits at a table in the pub. Pete brings her a bag and tells her Caroline sent it to Bo. Bo walks in and sits with her as nosy Hope pulls a box of cereal from the bag. She gives Bo an inquisitive look and points at the box, "Crappyos?"

"Yeah," says Bo, "I had a physical the other day and the doc said I have to watch my cholesterol. I read where Crappyos help to lower cholesterol, so I thought I'd give it a shot."

"Gooollllllleeeeee," says Hope, "I didn't know Crappyos lower your cholesterol. How do they do that?"

"Crappyos have so many chemicals in them, they give you cancer before the cholesterol has time to build up," says Bo.

"Interesting," says Hope, "Well, that was an even more blatant product placement ad than the one we did for Tyson Chicken Turds."


Henderson shows up. In other words, Bo the top cop took Henderson in for questioning and instead of grilling him at the station, not only does it at the pub, put lets the 'suspect' wander in when he feels like it. Bo asks him when he last saw Brady.

Meanwhile, back at the morgue, we slowly pan around the place until we come to a special section. A sign above the drawers reads:

CAUTION! BIOHAZARD! THIS SECTION RESERVED FOR PEOPLE WHO DIED FROM EATING CRAPPYOS! HANDLE WITH CARE!

It seems Melanie freaked out when she bumped into some flowers and thought it was a rat. It's so hard to tell the difference. Suddenly, Brady gets an idea. He asks her to take off her bra.

Phillip and Stephanie continue to snivel, huff, express desire and breathe heavily until they hear someone coming. We also take this opportunity to note that the morgue drawers are so well-lit, too.

Daddy and Owen come into the morgue. Daddy asks, "Why am I hearing noises?"

Owen has the answer to that one, "Overacting."

Chloe tells Lucas people are just edgy, "But no one is keeping anything from you. What's to hide, anyway, you already know I'm a slut."

Daniel takes Kate out for air. And that's what we get – hot air.

Chloe tells Lucas to stop being paranoid. Lucas thinks she's trying to change the subject and hide something. He thinks she doesn't want him to get his memory back. "I'm not worried about you getting your memory back," she protests, "It won't happen, because that would require a brain."

Henderson tells Bo, "You don't have to worry about Brady. I saw him with Melanie."

"YIKES," squeals Bo, "With Melanie? I'll get out an APB. He's in more trouble than I thought."

Melanie is just slightly confused about why she suddenly has to go au naturel.

Brady gives her the technical explanation, "For better phone reception, remove your bra."

"I've heard a lot of lines in my time," says Melanie, "But that one takes the prize."

Prevuze

Brady explains he will use a wire from her bra to get a better phone signal. Mel isn't the world's most skillful person, but when a guy asks her to take off her bra, she can get it off quicker than DOOL brass can insert a cheesy product placement ad into an episode. Off it comes. The low temperatures in the crypt make... uh, never mind.

Brady works on the bra, attaches the wire and invents the Brady Brawire Boobbooster, a device which in the future will make him millions. He holds the phone up and... voila! He gets a signal! Melanie is elated. She jumps up and down and bounces around the crypt screaming for joy. Brady stops her, "Under the circumstances, perhaps you'd better not bounce things around too much."

Daddy leaves the morgue to scout things out. Stephanie wants to know what Phillip will do when they try to embalm him. Phillip tells her they can't embalm a body that is 75% tungsten.

Owen opens Melanie's drawer and tells her to clam up. The audience cheers.

Chloe says she thinks this is about the dream Lucas had. She insists she loves him. Chloe has a lot of love to give and feels it's only fair to spread it around to more than one guy. Lucas thinks there is more she isn't telling him.

Daniel tells Kate not to interfere. Kate doesn't care what he wants. He tells her that jealousy is eating her alive. "That's the mosquitoes out here on the terrace," says Kate, "Perhaps we should go back inside."

Henderson tells Bo and Hope, "I think Melanie and Phillip have mended fences." They let him go and head for the cemetery where Phillip was last seen.

Melanie's elation ends when Brady's phone battery dies. She pulls her phone out and, what a coincidence, her battery is dead too. "We'd better go to Plan B," says Brady.

"What's that," asks Melanie.

"I don't know," says Brady, "but 'B' stands for 'Bad' because I'm sure that's what it will be when I come up with it." We're just full of coincidences, today. This just happens to be the family crypt and when Melanie mentions Isabella, Brady tells her Isabella was his mother.

Owen slides Stephanie out and says they have to go. She decides she's hungry and wants food. Owen thinks she's stalling and pulls out his Glock.

Kate admits she was once attracted to Daniel, but the more she got to know him the more she found him disgusting, "Of all the men I've been with you are the most repulsive."

"In a way," says Daniel, "that's kind of an honor – to be the most repulsive man in the country."

Lucas presses. Chloe insists she isn't hiding anything. He doesn't want her pity and tells her to leave. Chloe flashes back to a hot session with Daniel. Lucas nearly taunts her, "Go ahead! Tell me! I can take it."

"OK," says Chloe, "I will."

Shirtless Brady and braless Melanie talk about his dad and Isabella. Melanie gets sappy and says she thinks Isabella will watch over them and protect them.

Up in heaven, Isabella turns to St. Peter and says, "She's right. I will protect them."

"Good," says St. Peter, "She needs something to protect them now that she's not wearing a bra."


Did you notice how Prevuze did not have God himself delivering that line? We truly believe God has a sense of humor, but it's always a good practice to stop short of out-and-out blasphemy.

Stephanie insists she wants to go away with Owen. Owen doesn't buy it and roughs her up. Stephanie swipes his gun and gets the drop on Owen. Phillip hears all the commotion, somehow swivels around inside the drawer and kicks his way out.

Kate dunno. She thinks maybe she needs to find another way to ensure her kids' happiness after she is gone, given the fact that her cancer might come back. "Just the fact that you are gone," says Daniel, "will ensure that everyone is happy – except for your johns."

Daniel leaves. Kate mulls things over, "He broke his promise, so now I have to break mine."

Chloe tells Lucas she was planning on leaving town without saying goodbye. Lucas asks why she would do something like that. "Just because I am screwed up," says Chloe. Lucas has to concede that makes sense, but says he's never been happier with anybody. She is the only person he wants. Awwww... Hugs.

Bo and Hope scour the cemetery and find Melanie's hospital ID card. "Evidence," gasps Bo, "This proves Melanie works for the hospital."

"Your genius is exceeded only by your horniness," says Hope.

Melanie finds a candy bar in her purse. Brady tells her she can have it all. Melanie is taken with the story of John and Isabella, "If I could die in Isabella's shoes I'd be a happy woman. I'm sure she had killer shoes."

Owen whirls, twirls and executes a John Black reversal. Phillip jumps out and Owen gets the drop on both of them. So there you have it. It's the whining woman-child and the bionic man against the crazed stalker. "I have an idea," says Phillip, "Why don't you shoot her and let's go have a beer?"

Stephanie turns up the whine-o-meter, "Phillllliiiipppp... what are you saaayyyyyiiinnnngggg..."

That does it. Owen turns and aims the gun at Stephanie...

BANG!

As Phillip and Owen step over Stephanie's body on the way out, Phillip puts his hand on Owen's shoulder, "Man, that beer is gonna taste good."

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze

Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE


Saturday, May 30, 2009

Satellite Update 05/30/09

Satellite Swami Norris and his crew of bikini-clad biker-gals worked all afternoon yesterday stringing a cable across the miles of desolate Prevuze Compound terrain. Everything tests out OK with the system, but of course we'll never know for sure until the show feeds on Monday. We're hoping for a good result, so check in then and we'll see if we can finally get back to watching, recapping and commenting on DOOL.

God only knows why anyone would want to do that, though.

Prevuze

Have a great weekend, gang, and keep your fingers crossed for Monday's transmission.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Plan B

DRAT!

Norris' quick fix didn't work and our satellite equipment is still on the fritz. So now we have to go to Plan B and lay a whole new cable across the nearly unnavigable terrain on the Prevuze Compound.

Prevuze

In the meantime, for the record, here is a recap of some of the great stuff you have missed while we have been battling the satellite problem...

~~~***~~~ crickets ~~~***~~~

OK, so here is a short recap of some of the other things that have happened:

Melanie tells Nicole she's tired of her running her life.

Rafe asks Sami if marriage is what she wants.

Stephanie tells Owen that Melanie has a thing for Phillip and wants her out of the way.

Owen becomes more infatuated with Stephanie. He drugs her and stuffs her back in the drawer.

Brady, Melanie and Phillip team up to sneak into the morgue. Phillip plays the corpse.

Nicole tries to act nice to Sami, but Sami suspects she's up to something.

Will and Mia get closer.

Prevuze

Lucas tells Maggie he's starting to remember what happened the night he fell off the wagon.

Will and his friend 'T' discuss Kenzie and Mia.

Phillip sneaks into the morgue in a body bag. Daddy Owen thinks the corpse is supposed to be cremated.

Victor tells Kate about the Stef-Steph swap. He calls a meeting to tell everyone to stay out of the situation with Phillip.

Cousin Jamie warns Mia about dating Will, and tells her she lost her lease, so Mia is out on the street.

Victor and Chloe argue.

Daniel consoles Chloe and Kate finds them hugging.

Will asks Victor to use his pool for a party.

Stephanie whines and Phillip struggles on separate slabs in separate drawers.

Maggie counsels Mia.

Owen locks Brady and Melanie in a crypt.

Prevuze

By the way, since Norris wasn't sure he had made the fix yesterday, he only charged me half price. Later that afternoon I saw him tooling around town on his new Harley Davidson Road King. It's nice to know my money is going to a good cause.

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze

Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE


Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Uber-Boondocks

Things just aren't going well here on the Prevuze compound. Our reception quality has moved from an exploding Jackson Pollock painting to a 1960's era paisley print gone bad and back to our old friend, "the death star," this morning. The good news is it's a really good looking death star.

I guess it's time to call (cue the jaws music please...)

NORRIS THE
SATELLITE GUY

The Prevuze compound isn't just located in the boondocks. We're in the next county over from the boondocks. We're the uber-boondocks. People in this area don't just jump on every new technology that comes along. We take things slow. So most of us are still on the old 1980's style big dishes and that means there is a big demand for Norris' services. Some of the people in the area are moving to those newfangled 1990's style small dishes. Mainly, those are the places to our south. They're close to the boondocks and that just goes to show you what happens when people get corrupted by civilization. They get... progressive. There's talk they might even build a Sonic down there. If that happens, it's time to start stocking up on bottled water and canned goods because the end is near.

I don't think that will happen, though, because everyone knows the world won't end until 2012 when the Mayan calendar bombs out. That's inevitable, and that's why we watch DOOL. Because the more DOOL you watch, the quicker you want the world to come to an end.

Prevuze

So we'll get Norris out here to look at our system. You may continue to check back in while we wait for His Eminence to show up. Rest assured we'll continue to update you on our situation. Which is to say we'll whine about it like Chloe being drug past a shoe store.

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuzePrevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A 1960's Era Paisley Print Gone Bad

Gang, it's been a tough week for the Prevuze team. We're on the road, struggling to find Internet access, the transmissions have been terrible, Starbuck's has closed many of its locations and we're definitely suffering from caffeine deprivation.

The transmission was back yesterday and we figured this morning we'd make a few adjustments and things would be back to normal. We're now rethinking that idea.

So we got up this morning and forded the mighty Tuscarora in order to get to a semi-civilized place so we could access the Internet. Unfortunately what we found was not what we had hoped for. Not only does the picture quality of the transmission look like a 1960's era paisley print gone bad, but we can also tell there was actually no show transmission at all.

I have no idea what is going on, but tomorrow we will be back at the Prevuze compound, the moon will be in the seventh house, Jupiter will align with Mars and maybe, just maybe we can get this blog back on track.

In the meantime, make it a great day and tune in tomorrow for the next installment of As The Satellite Dish Turns.

Prevuze

Why, why, why do we work so hard to find out what's happening on a show where nothing ever happens?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Scheming And Underhanded

Our picture is back to normal today, but we didn't get all of the show. We pick up the action (I use the term loosely) where the feed kicked in...


Nicole and Mia stand outside and talk. Nicole tells Mia she thinks they are getting off on the wrong foot. Mia says she doesn't remember much about what she and Nicole have agreed, but she does remember Nicole telling her what to do, "Someone I know just told me I was honest, but I'm not. Everything I say and do is a lie."

Nicole counsels, "That's just a part of the process of assimilating into life here in Salem. But if you're going to get involved with Will, you have a long way to go as a liar to fit into his family."

Mia wonders how Nicole knows it was Will she was talking about, "Did you have me followed? Did you go through my backpack?"

Nicole says, "I'm sure with his father's genes Will must be innocuous, harmless and clueless, but with his mother..."

Mia interrupts, "...is nice. His mother is really nice."

Nicole speaks for all of us, "Mia, if you really believe Sami Brady is nice, you're dumber than I thought."

Sami and Rafe are in the pub with Grace. Apparently Rafe has gotten a job and he tells her he thinks he's lucky to have it the way things are. "Yeah," protests Sami, "But you liked being an agent."

Hilda's ghost jumps in, "Yeah, and he was so good at it, too."

Arianna interrupts, "Oh, my future niece."

Sami gasps, "I didn't know you were going to tell anyone."

Well," says Arianna, "I am his sister."

"On this show," says Sami, "we're lucky he didn't hook up with you."

Caroline butts in, "Oh, I didn't know you were Rafe's sister. Well, if you work at the Brady pub, sooner or later you become dysfunctional family."

Rafe tells Arianna she and Caroline should have a conversation, "Mrs. Brady isn't thrilled about me adopting Grace either."

"I didn't exactly say that," says Caroline, "and don't call me Mrs. Brady."

Arianna steps in and tells her Rafe has made it clear this is none of her business.

"That concept really doesn't fly with me," says Caroline.

Sami speaks for all of us, "Tell me about it."

"Things can go wrong, though," says Arianna.

Sami says, "You now, Arianna, "I've seen Rafe in action... all of him. He's pretty good at making things go right, and that's why I wanted him to adopt Grace."

Owen thanks his father for covering for him with "that girl." Owen Sr. wants to know what's going on. Owen assures him he's got everything under control.

Phillip and Stephanie stand outside. Phillip says, "Just because you found her in there doesn't mean she's in there right now. He could have taken her someplace else. And even if the cops arrest him, we may never find her. Not alive." The audience cheers.

Stephanie struggles and starts crawling back toward the door. Man, can that girl move. Crawling back is one of her specialties.

Bimbi from Salem West comes back to Will's table at the Java Café. She tells him even though he was mean to her, she doesn't want to see him get hurt, "You need to know these rehab things... they never work." Will doesn't respond. Bimbi launches into an example, "So-like-OKKKKKKAAAYYY, one time, at band camp, I had this friend who came back from rehab and she still did drugs and she stole from me. So-like it turned out I didn't know her at all. So, Will, do you think you really know Mia?"

"Everything I need to know," says Will, "I think she's hot, so what else matters? "

Mia tells Nicole she can't tell her what to think or feel. Nicole tries to make Mia see things her way, "Sami is someone you can't trust. She's scheming and underhanded and..."

Mia speaks for all of us, "You're one to talk."

"She schemes and lies to get my husband back and uses her children to do it," says Nicole, "Everything I've done, I've done for Sydney."

"So you're the only one who loves her kid," asks Mia, "Will's mother loves Grace so much she's willing to let that guy who protected her adopt Grace." Oops. Metal grates against metal as the monkey wrench screws up the gears and they grind to a halt.

Sami says, "Everyone we tell about the adoption thinks it's a bad idea."

Grace chimes in, "I'm not so hot on it myself."

"It's you and Grace and me against the world," says Sami.

"I think we'll do OK," says Rafe, "After all, I got those laughing penguins and only one person got killed."

Melanie squeaks, "Maybe the cops will give him immunity for telling them where Stephanie is. They do it on TV all the time. Besides, your war isn't with Owen, it's with the DiMeras."

"If he's in this deep," says Phillip, "and the DiMeras find out he betrayed them, they will kill him. Do you think I could break into the morgue?"

Melanie has a giggle-fit, "It's like the old joke... people are dying to get in there."

"You got that right," says Phillip, "It's the one place in town they don't show DOOL."

Stephanie scoots along the floor. Owen discovers her and rips off the tape covering her mouth. The audience boos. He tells her he can't let her go now that Stephanie's 'friend' has been there. Stephanie assures him her friend won't say anything. Owen pulls out a pistol, "I'm gonna have to make sure of that." The audience cheers.


(Note: Although we didn't get the entire feed, we do have the previews and will post them later on Prevuze II).




NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze

Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE


Monday, May 25, 2009

An Exploding Jackson Pollock Painting

Once again this morning we got nothing but trash over the DOOL satellite feed. And the satellite transmission was really bad, too.

Since a picture is worth a thousand words, a moving picture must be worth about a million, so here's a sample of what I'm getting to watch:

video

Lovely, eh? It kind of looks like an exploding Jackson Pollock painting.

Those of you who have been with Prevuze for a while must remember Norris The Satellite Guy, who is just about the only person left who can fix these things. I saw Norris tooling around town in his 2008 Jaguar the other day. Since it's a year old, I'm sure he's in the market for a new one, so I'll give him a call and see if there is anything he can do on our end to fix the problem.

In the meantime, if you're in the US, have a great Memorial Day holiday and rest assured the recession is almost over because Norris is about to go on a spending spree that will make the government stimulus package look as chinsy as a DOOL actor's salary.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Donnybrook

We open today's show with the standard DOOL version of poor-man's soft porn. Chloe and Lucas romp with writhing body parts flying everywhere. Lucas comes up for air, "I love you."

Chloe responds, "I love you, too. But I'm not in love with you." Lucas quickly turns and consults the guy manual as he tries to wrap his brain around that one.

The guy manual advises, "She's not (say it with me) there for you."


Daniel has the same dream only, in this case, Chloe appears to be (say it with me) there for him.

Bo asks Brady where Victor and Phillip are. Brady says he thinks something has happened to Stephanie and tells him what's going on at the Kiriakis mansion. Bo does what Bo does best in situations that require deep analysis. He curses a lot and says, "I new something was going on." Phillip hangs up and waits at the dock.

Bumbling Owen is on the phone with EJ apologizing for all the trouble. EJ wants results, "When are you going to bring her to me?"

"Actually, sir," says Owen, "The answer to that question would be never."

Phillip phones Victor and tells him Stefano is hanging on by a thread, but they should have Stephanie back in a little while. "Every silver lining has a cloud," says Victor.

When Owen tells EJ he refuses to bring Stephanie to him, EJ blows his stack. Owen tells EJ he doesn't want anything to happen to Stephanie and blows his own stack. We have a genuwine stackblowoff between the two.

EJ calls Phillip and tells him he's going to be a little late for the Stef-Steph swap.

Daniel continues to dream of Chloe. He gets up and heads for a cold shower.

Chloe wakes and finds Lucas staring at her, "What's wrong?"

"I can't sleep." Chloe asks if something is wrong. Lucas doesn't know. No one knows what's going on inside Lucas head, including Lucas. Chloe presses and Lucas finally comes clean, "I had a dream... about you... not loving me."

"That was no dream," says Chloe.

Bo is on the phone playing cop. He hangs up, rushes over to Brady and tells him he may have saved Stephanie's life. Bo runs out of the Java Café and Brady paces.

Melanie walks in and sees the look of concern on Brady's face, "What's your problem, Brady?"

"It's Bo," he says, "He left with the bill again."

Phillip tells EJ Stefano is barely breathing, so he'd better get a move on. EJ hangs up and tells one of his flunkies they have to find Stephanie. Flunko says the odds of doing that aren't good. EJ tries another meltdown on for size.

Owen rolls Stephanie out and tells her he's sure she just heard part of that conversation. He's crossed the DiMeras and decided to act on his own. Stephanie asks, "What are you going to do."

"I'm going to save you," says Owen.

"Try to get it done before they kill you, OK?"

Chloe says Lucas dream was preposterous. Really preposterous. DOOL-level preposterous. She thinks they should talk about it. Brooding Lucas don' wan' no stinkin' talk. He wants stinkin' love. Chloe reassures him, "I love you... with all my heart."

Lucas gets up, "I’m going to take a drive to clear my head."

"That'll be a short drive," says Chloe. I want to go with you. Brooding Lucas don' wan' no stinkin' company.

Daniel is at the hospital.

Melanie tells Brady she thinks he should switch to decaf.

Infatuated Owen tells Stephanie he's going to save her. He tells her it was one thing when the DiMeras had him working with plants at the Kiriakis mansion and gathering information, "But I can't do this. I’m just a gardener at heart and even though you have the IQ of a plant, I can't hurt you."

Stephanie asks, "So I'm free to go?"

"You are free to go."

Phillip calls Victor to tell him about the delay. Victor suspects a double cross. Phillip hangs up and EJ shows up. Phillip asks, "Where is she? Where is Stephanie?" EJ stares.

EJ wants to know where Stefano is. Phillip tells EJ everything is now up to him.

Lucas goes to visit Maggie. She tells him she missed him at the AA meeting and wonders if he is there because of his drinking problem. Lucas tells her that's not the reason he came to see her. Maggie senses a deeper problem, gets out a notebook and asks, "Whatever can be wrong, then?"

Melanie rambles around and finally mentions the fact that she found Stephanie's missing earring. That gets Brady's attention. He has a conniption and wants to know where the earring is. Melanie asks, "What set you on fire?"

Stephanie is sooooo happy Owen has decided to set her free. She tells him she doesn't want him to get involved any further and also says if the police question her, she won't say anything about Owen, "So can I go now?"

Uh-oh. Owen has something up his sleeve and it isn't just a smelly armpit. He picks up a cord and says he's going with her. Stephanie asks, "So where are we going?"

Phillip suggests EJ walks Stephanie out and he will walks Stefano out. EJ hesitates. Phillip gets the idea, "You don't have her, do you?" A scuffle breaks out.

DONNYBROOK!

Bodies roll. Guns point. Gnashing of teeth. Blood and guts. Suddenly, Bo and the cops show up. During the donut break, Bo threatens to carry Phillip and EJ out in pine boxes if anything happens to Stephanie.

Brady tells Melanie he doesn't have time to play games right now. He gets a call. He hangs up and tells Melanie the connection was bad, but he thinks they have found Stefano. He runs out of the Java Café and Melanie follows. Then she stops, pulls the earring out of her purse and stares at it.

Owen goes off the deep end and tells Stephanie they're going to start a new life together, "I always wanted to live in India." Stefano gets a clue that maybe things aren't going well.

Maggie serves coffee and asks Lucas what happened. Lucas says, "Nothing. Something. I'm not sure." Lucas sure has a way with words, doesn't he?"

"My mom," says Lucas, "has become her same old self again."

"Oh my," says Maggie, "Is she working independently or has she hooked up with a pimp?"

"She's done a complete 180 on Chloe," says Lucas, "First she likes her, and then she doesn't. This is something big. Really big. I can feel it."

Daniel sits in the Java Café and stares, "I can't take this."

A gal in the audience stands up and shouts, "You're not the only one!"

Daniel remembers making love with Chloe and we get poor-man's porn, round 2.

EJ is at the hospital demanding to see his father. They wheel Stefano in.

Bo confronts Victor at the dock and wants to know where Phillip has gone.

Phillip hides in the bushes, "I just want Stephanie."

Stephanie tells Owen she doesn't think his idea is practical, "I'm not ready to go anywhere. I need clothes."

"You're right," says Owen, "You might attract attention dressed in that negligee. So we'll get you clothes."

"But," says Stephanie, "You can't waste your money on buying me things. Besides the stores are closed." Owen decides he'll go back and get her things. Stephanie wants to go with him, but he tells her he can travel faster alone.

Stephanie gets lovey-dovey, "Well, hurry back then." Suddenly, Owen realizes he's got to put her back on ice while he's gone. Stephanie screams and wiggles as he stuffs her back in her drawer.

Daniel wads up a piece of paper as Chloe walks into the Java Café. She asks him what it is. He says it's a leave of absence from the hospital, "I can't take it any more. There are nights when I just can't stand being here."

"But you're not going, are you," whines Chloe.

Daniel insists he's not going, "I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty for choosing Lucas over me but this situation is driving me halfway out of my mind."

"If I got back together with you," says Chloe, "I could drive you completely out of your mind. I have to tell you, I'm not happy either."

Lucas tells Maggie what he knows about the situation between Kate and Chloe. He says he just can't figure it out. Maggie tells him not to obsess over things he can't control.

Brady finds Victor and Bo and they all worry about Stephanie together.

Stephanie lies in her drawer and bawls.

Owen sneaks into the Kiriakis mansion and rushes upstairs to get Stephanie's things. Phillip walks in and just misses him. He picks up a picture of Stephanie, "I will find you, Stephanie. Just hang on."

Melanie rushes in and asks if Phillip is looking for Stephanie. Phillip says he doesn't have time for her, but Melanie holds up the missing earring, "I have a clue."

"It’s about time you got a clue," says Phillip.

Chloe tells Daniel she still has feeling for him, "But I know I did the right thing."

"And I honor that," says Daniel, "I just want you to be happy."

"Yeah," says Chloe, "but Kate has been so horrible lately. And Lucas has been moody and restless. He's not going to drop it until he finds out."

Maggie thinks Lucas is sounding paranoid and needs a good night sleep. Lucas tells her he shouldn't have come by. He wonders if Kate and Chloe hate each other why they would both be hiding something. He leaves and ponders.

EJ and Stefano chat when suddenly Stefano's machines go berserk. A nurse rushes in to help.

Victor tells Brady he's a traitor to the family. Bo breaks in and says they still need to find Stephanie, "That's why I need to know where Phillip is, NOW!"

Melanie tells Phillip she found the earring on the terrace. Phillip figures that means Owen the gardener had something to do with her disappearance. Owen sneaks downstairs.

Stephanie slabs out, "Help! Help me! I’m missing the American Idol finale! "

Prevuze

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Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE


Late Posting 05/22/09

We got a less than decent feed this morning but it's better than yesterday's mess. Due to the fact that we're on the road, the post will take longer than normal. Please check back later. Thanks.


Thursday, May 21, 2009

Supernatural Bonding

Well, Prevuzers, here's my story and I'm stickin' to it. The transmission was so bad this morning I really couldn't tell what was going on. The picture was broken up and the sound was worse. I could make out who was on the screen, but couldn't really hear what they were saying.

This has happened before. The last time it happened, we got no transmission the following day and the day after that the picture was fine. We'll see what happens this time.

A reader who seemed to know what he was talking about once emailed me and said I might be able to improve the poor picture quality we've had with this new equipment by adding another piece of equipment to our satellite system. I'll look into that, but for the short term, we have to put up with this nonsense (The transmission problems, that is. The nonsense we get on the show is permanent ).

Anyway, here's the best I can do with what I think I saw today:

Sami tries to convince Will that Rafe is a good guy. She rationalizes the fact that they are cavorting around while somehow trying to convince Will he shouldn't be doing the same thing I guess. The DOOL rule is: the amount of cavorting you can do is directly proportional to your age. (Biological age, that is. If the rule applied to mental age, Sami couldn't cavort at all). Will takes the moral high ground.

Arianna thinks Sami isn't good for Rafe. He thinks she's the best thing that ever happened to him and refuses to defend his feelings. She tells him, "It's all happening all over again."

"That happens a lot on this show," says Rafe. Max butts in and wants to know what's happening all over again, as if it's any of his business.

Phillip calls EJ, "I want to arrange the Steph-Stef swap."

"Steph-Stef swap?"

"Steph-Stef swap."

EJ asks, "Are you talking about exchanging Stephanie for Stefano or are we doing the Pasa Double over the phone?"

Owen pours his heart out to the unconscious Stephanie. He uses his dad's embalming equipment to paint over her head wound.

Nicole listens as EJ makes arrangements with Phillip. Phillip tells EJ he'd better make it fast because Stefano isn't in good shape. EJ hangs up and fills Nicole in. He goes into a rage and reminds Nicole his father's life is in danger.

Owen continues to embalm Stephanie. He's clearly becoming infatuated with her and assures her things will get better. In this case, Owen knows what he's talking about. When you're on a slab in a morgue being embalmed, things can't get much worse.

Sami continues to rationalize her own teenage behavior to Will. She tells him it's wonderful that Rafe wants to adopt Grace. Will resigns himself to buying her story.

Arianna formally introduces Max and Rafe. Max finds out that Sami is Rafe's "friend."

"Technically," says Max, "She's my niece. Once you dump her, I may ask her out."

Rafe goes off to make a call. Max and Arianna debrief on the Rafe-Sami situation.

Phillip says as soon as he has details he'll let Victor know what's going on. Brady butts in and wants to know the same thing.

Owen tells the still-unconscious Stephanie he wants to help her, "I won't charge for embalming you."

EJ calls the lost phone and gets no answer. We pan into the phone sitting on the Jan Spears / Willow Starke Memorial Rock as it rings.

Stefano says he hopes EJ will not fail him.

Sami asks Will to babysit while she goes out, "This being-a-mother thing really gets old after a while."

Max and Arianna continue to chat. He leaves and Rafe comes back.

Bo and Max have a conversation outside the pub. Bo's on top of things, of course. Too bad those things don't have anything to do with solving crimes and making Salem a safe place to live.

Victor hands the argument off to Brady. Phillip tells Brady he has to do what he has to do.

Owen wanders through the woods. He just happens to stumble onto the cell phone as it starts ringing. He answers and EJ blows his top. Owen fills him in about Stephanie. EJ ain' happy.

Arianna badgers Rafe. Rafe tells her she doesn't understand. Arianna thinks he can do better than Sami, "What happened before – I'm warning you. That woman could destroy your life." Sami walks up behind them and soaks it in.

Phillip and Brady talk things over.

Victor visits Stefano at the warehouse. He does not, however bring flowers.

EJ instructs Owen. Owen stammers around. EJ tells him to get with the program.

Stephanie vegetates.

The marines have arrived! Mia comes in to help Will with his babysitting duties. Will says he is concerned that Sami isn't telling him the truth, "She still says she's telling the truth."

Mia asks, "About what?"

Will says, "I still have this feeling she's lying."

Prevuze

Sami, Rafe and Arianna have a conversation at the pub. I think Rafe is telling Sami not to let Arianna bother her.

Bo and Max continue their conversation outside the pub.

Phillip and Brady argue.

Owen welcomes Stephanie back to the land of the conscious. Stephanie whines around as Owen tries to comfort her somehow. Stephanie is worried about the DiMeras. She thinks they are killers.

Sami broods at the pub and Rafe tries to talk her though it. He says the main thing is to keep Grace safe.

Nicole and EJ talk in the rumpus room. Nicole is supportive. EJ leaves. Nicole sighs and stares.

Phillip and Brady continue to argue.

Stephanie continues to slab out and worry about her fate. Owen continues to try to assure her that she's in good shape even though she's been kidnapped, her life is in danger and she's in a morgue half-embalmed, "Hey... look at it on the bright side... It's Friday!"

"It's Thursday, you nitwit!"

"Well, yeah... but this episode airs on Friday."

Stephanie turns on the whinerator. The more she whines, the more empathy she gets from Owen. He'll do anything to shut up the whining.

Victor and Stefano have a conversation. We assume they are tossing threats and insults back and forth.

Back to the pub and more worry from Sami and support from Rafe.

Will, Mia and Grace. Will passes Grace to Mia and the near-supernatural bonding continues. They seem to be a bit concerned about Grace who is probably coming down with that dreaded blood-transfusion requiring illness which maybe, just maybe, will move this storyline along a little. Hard to tell.

Brady calls Bo.

Owen tries to convince Stephanie how wonderful things are. Stephanie doesn't buy it. Stephanie says something poignant and we fade out to the sound of dramatic music. At least something on this show is dramatic.

Sami seems to be cheering up a bit. She probably conjured up a different personality. Rafe seems to be telling her how beautiful and wonderful she is as he paints a picture of security and bliss for all the days of their lives.

Mia bounces Grace on her knee and they continue to bond.

Brady and Bo meet at what seems to be the Java Café. Brady tells Bo he thinks Stephanie's life is in danger.

Phillip calls Victor.

EJ wanders through the woods looking for wild strawberries.

Stephanie asks Owen to help her. She throws some kind of a fit as we go to a... OMG...

QUAD SCREEN!

We have Owen in the upper left corner, EJ on his wild strawberry expedition in the upper right, Stephanie slabbing around in the lower left and Bo on the lower right. Oh, the excitement!

The producers really know how to grab an audience. They know that a quad split-screen provides FOUR TIMES the excitement. And we don't have to be math geniuses to know that on DOOL...

FOUR TIMES ZERO = ZERO.

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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Did You Score, Mom? Did You Get Some?

Rafe and Sami sit on her couch. Rafe tells her he thinks it's time to make a commitment. Sami wonders what sort of commitment he's talking about. Rafe says, "I want to be a father to Grace in every way. Legally."

Sami asks, "You want to adopt her?"

"Yeah," says Rafe, "Then she will have a father who is (say it with him) there for her and will care for her and be in her corner."

"I don't know what to say."

"Say yes."

Phillip tells Victor he's not asking permission to make the Stef-Steph swap, he's demanding they do it it. Victor rejects the idea. He says he knows what he's doing. Phillip blows his prosthetic stack, "Either you help me get her back or I'll do it myself!"

Stephanie's phone rings. Owen looks down at the display. Stephanie goes into action. Owen takes a knee, only not in the usual sense. DOWN GOES OWEN! Stephanie morphs into a screaming ninny as she picks up the phone, "PHILLIP? PHILLIP?" EJ listens on the other end and wishes he had gotten a flunky with a brain instead of a ponytail.

Sami reminds Rafe there is an extended family to think about. Rafe says he kind of likes that. "And there is me," says Sami, "I'm a mom, full time, because it takes all of my effort to hunt down all those babysitters. This is a long term commitment. You'd have to put up with me for all the Days Of Our Lives."

"I'd like that, too," says Rafe.

Sami asks, "Are you asking me to marry you?"

Stephanie and Owen struggle. She pushes him back into the wall where he hits his head. While Owen tries to collect his thoughts (it's a small collection), Stephanie runs out screaming. Owen follows.

EJ calls Stephanie's phone and gets voicemail. Nicole walks in and asks her standard question, "What's going on?"

Sami lets Rafe down easy, "I can't marry you – not right now. We just started our relationship. Don't be hurt."

Rafe says, "I'm not hurt."

Now Sami's hurt that he's not hurt, "You're not hurt? Samantha the Great just turned down your marriage proposal. How can you not be hurt? "

Rafe asks, "You want me to be hurt?"

"It wouldn't hurt if you were hurt a little."

And the Emmy for using the word 'hurt' the most times in a conversation goes to...

Rafe says, "For you to turn down my proposal, I would have had to propose in the first place."

Sami gasps, "You didn't?"

Rafe asks, "You think I'm crazy?"

"We both are," says Sami, "And I can prove it."

"How?"

"We just had this conversation."


Nicole asks EJ, "Something's gone wrong, hasn't it?"

EJ asks, "What tipped you off? "

Nicole says, "The plot has started to make sense."

EJ insists everything is under control, "I won't rest, however, until father is home."

Nicole asks, "Does that mean we're going to have his funeral here?"

Phillip and Victor argue. Victor reminds Phillip, "I'm still in charge of this family. My men won't let you near Stefano."

"I have my own men," says Phillip, "I'll get my men to go up against your men." That's like 'my peeps will get with your peeps' on steroids. More arguing ensues. Phillip says, "Thinking like that gets people killed."

Victor says, "If thinking is what kills people, You may live forever."

Phillip vows, "I will not let Stephanie be next."

Stephanie runs through the woods and tries to make a call. Owen catches up with her and grabs her. Stephanie wiggles around like a fresh worm on a fishhook, "Let go of me!"

Owen yells, "Don't make me hurt you, but feel free to keep wiggling around in that tiny negligee while I try to hold on to you."

The shoe is on the other foot. Now we argue about who proposed and who didn't accept. Sami is mad at Rafe for not proposing even though she didn't want to marry him. Rafe starts to make fun of it all and Sami tells him it's not funny. Rafe tells her they have to take it slow. So one minute he's in bed with her for the first time and the next minute he wants to adopt her kid. If that's slow, the speed of light is a dead stop.

Sami says she doesn't know how to do this without people finding out she's Grace's mother.

Nicole reminds EJ she told Stefano at their wedding she knows what it means to be a DiMera. EJ says, "It will be easier for you to keep your mouth shut if you don't know what's going on. And if there is anything we want to do it's make it easy for you to keep your mouth shut."

Nicole says EJ can tell her anything and she won't betray him, "I love you and there are no conditions."

Victor and Phillip continue to argue over the Stef-Steph dilemma. Phillip suggests they take Theo and prove they don't have any feelings at all. Victor says he doesn't need sarcasm at the moment. Victor knows this has to end but says he won't cave in, "In a war, sentiment leads to casualties. Stephanie is a witness and can testify against the DiMeras. It's a dangerous position for her."

Stephanie and Owen continue to struggle.

Rafe asks Sami to sit down so he can tell her something shocking. Sami sits and Rafe says, "You were right."

"What?"

"You were right."

"What?"

"You were right."

"Say it again."

"You were right."

Sami has either conjured up her totally insecure personality, or the one that is hard of hearing.

Sami just can't get enough of hearing Rafe tell her she was right. He finally gets to finish his sentence, "You were right about the adoption." Sami thinks it would be wonderful if he were Grace's father. "Legal adoption presents one very big problem," says Rafe, "and we can't tell people I'm the father and you're the mother."

"Well, yeah," says Sami, "They can count to nine and they will know that I didn't even know you when I got pregnant. And we can't even let people know I am her mother because EJ will..."

"Yeah," says Rafe, "He starts counting and... he can probably count to nine..."

"Chuckle."

"I wish I'd known you then," says Rafe, "I wish I were Grace's father."

"It would certainly make things simpler," says Sami, "But I don't do simple."

Rafe asks, "Why don't we just say I want to be with you and Grace and be a family. It has one thing going for it – it's the truth."

"You know what else is true," asks Sami, "You adopting Grace and us being a family would mean more to me than than anything. It was meant to be."

Rafe asks, "Are you saying it's OK?"

Sami smiles, "It's more than OK... Papa." They seal the deal with a kiss.

Nicole announces Sydney is out like a light. EJ is moody. Nicole asks if there is something she can do. EJ growls, "No."

"Not even listen," asks Nicole, "I know you don't want me to butt in but it worries me that you are keeping this bottled up inside."

Nicole has convinced him to open up but EJ struggles with the words, "Phillip and Stephanie are... engaged. So... I had her... kidnapped."

Phillip says he believes Victor is thinking of Stephanie, "When I was shot it messed with her mind."

"A small mess is easy enough to clean up," says Victor.

"She is not in good shape," says Phillip, "We have to help her fast. She can't take this."

Owen and Stephanie continue to struggle. Suddenly, Stephanie hits the ground with the proverbial sickening thud. We slowly pan in on her unconscious face and read the inscription next to her head which says, "The Jan Spears / Willow Starke Memorial Rock."

Sami finds Rafe dressing and asks if he is leaving. He says he wants her to get some sleep, "I know Grace will be up at the crack of dawn – she always wants to read Prevuze the minute it comes out."

Sami asks him to stay just five more minutes. She threatens to whine and cry and hold her breath if she doesn't get her way, "I wonder if you've been planning this all along."

"I was definitely planning to get you into bed," says Rafe, "The adoption thing was kind of spur-of-the-moment." Sami wishes Johnny were there. Rafe says no matter what a nasty guy EJ is, he wouldn't let anything happen to Johnny. That turns Sami on. She attacks and they become a writing ball on the couch, which is the cue for...

WILL THE CHAPERON!

Sami and Rafe straighten up and try to look like they were playing scrabble, without a board. Rafe clears his throat, "I was just leaving."

Will is the only adult in the room, "Yeah, it looked that way." Will tells him his bowling conveniently got canceled which set up this embarrassing scenario. Rafe grabs one last quick smooch and leaves. Will wipes off the smooch.

Sami and Will share an uncomfortable moment. Will cuts to the chase, "If I wasn't here would he have spent the night?"

Victor says, "I won't let anything happen to Stephanie."

Phillip explodes, "Something already happened to her! You have blown this! You have screwed up big time! If Stefano dies we have nothing and they have Stephanie. If we lose her I will never forgive you."

EJ tells Nicole he went for Phillip's greatest vulnerability. Nicole has a conniption, "I HATE AND DESPISE THE MAN WHO DID THIS TO STEPHANIE!"

EJ thinks perhaps he has made an error telling Nicole about the kidnapping, but those crafty DOOL writers know how to turn the situation around. After what seems like hours, Nicole says, "I hope Victor burns in hell!"

Owen checks out Stephanie's lifeless body, "OMG, please don't be dead."

Sami is indignant. She didn't realize Will could be so open and honest with her, "What are you asking me... 'Did you score, Mom? Did you get some?'"

NOOGIES!

"You can ask me about my personal life but be more careful how you phrase it!"

Sami gets serious, "Yes, I was talking to Rafe and we are thinking about him being here."

Will figures they are pretty serious about each other, "I wonder if what I think makes any difference."

Rafe is with Arianna at the pub. She thinks he's in a particularly good mood, "I get it... You were with Timi, right?"

"Her name is Sami."

"I know her name," says Arianna, "I just wanted to see if I could get a rise out of you."

Just pretend there is a censored link here. You know what it would say.

Arianna asks if Rafe and Sami are thinking about marriage. Ne says no but he's going to adopt her little girl, "It's kind of like getting all the baggage without taking the flight."

Victor wants to think things through before they act. Phillip is against thinking. He says he's pretty sure Stephanie's kidnapping was an inside job.

Owen has Stephanie tied up on the slab and tells her he had to do this, "You put up a real fight with that phone, though... Phone... Where is that damn phone?"

The phone sits on the Jan Spears / Willow Stark Memorial Rock and rings.

Nicole rants against Victor and says she's happy EJ took action. Now she wants to know what else is going on, "I had a mole working at the Kiriakis Mansion."

"I hate those little varmints," says Nicole.

EJ also says he just called and Stephanie answered, "Now nobody answers the phone. If I don't have Stephanie I don't have anything to exchange for my father."

Sami says if Will had a real problem with Rafe she would talk to him about it, "But if the real problem is he's not your dad, that isn't fair to me is it?"

"No," agrees Will, "It's not. But you guys just seem to be going a little fast."

"Middle age is approaching," says Sami, "We don't have much time left to grow up." She tells him about the plan for Rafe to adopt Grace.

Will asks, "How did he talk you into that?"

Arianna asks, "How did she talk you into that?" The artistry of the writing on this show never stops, does it?

"It was my idea," says Rafe, "I think it's meant to be. Grace was meant to be my daughter."

Arianna is worried about Sami, "That woman is nothing but trouble."

Phillip wants to call EJ and tell him they will return Stefano. He plays the Caroline card and talks about all the feelings Victor has for her, "If the DiMeras had her, it would be your call. I love Stephanie more than anything and that makes it my call."

Nicole thinks Victor won't let Stefano die. EJ thinks he has now forced Victor's hand. Nicole tries to encourage him, "We will get through this together. You just have to hang on a little while longer."

A gal in the audience leans over to her neighbor, "He might be able to hang on a little longer, but I've had it."

Sami tells will the adoption was Rafe's idea. Will is skeptical, "Oh yeah, every single macho man ex-FBI agent wants to adopt a kid. I know Grace deserves a father but why him? Something big is going on here you don't want me to know anything about."

Rafe decides it was a mistake to tell Arianna. He starts to leave but she stops him and tells him to open his eyes, "It's all happening again!" Dumb-da-dumb-dumb!

Victor agrees this is Phillip's decision, "Just get going."

Owen starts to put Stephanie back on ice so he can go find the phone, but stops short of closing the drawer, "I just can't leave you here alone."

EJ gets a call from Phillip, "You know that thing we were talking about? We'll do it. The Steph-Stef swap is on."

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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

A Smokin' Hot Pain In The Ass

Sami and Rafe cuddle in bed. Sami snuggles in, "I've never felt this way before."

"Such a waste," says Rafe.

Sami asks, "A waste?"

"Yeah," he says, "All the time in the safehouse we could have been doing this. I always knew... even though you were making me crazy, it was a good crazy."

"I'm sort of hoping I won't drive you crazy any more."

"I'm counting on that," says Rafe. Sami moves in and drives him crazy again.

Brady yelps and rips off his shirt. As the gratuitous shirtless scene of the week continues, Brady inspects his arm where Arianna spilled the hot coffee and decides he needs to go for a skin graft. Arianna stops him and says she will take care of him.

Victor comes in and asks if Stefano is feeling better. Stefano says he feels well and will continue to do so for many years to come. Victor suggests he be realistic since they are out of insulin, "Unless we get those papers, I'm afraid it's rest in peace, Papa."

Stefano insists EJ will come through with the papers, "Elvis will not let me down."

The standoff at the pier continues. EJ tells Phillip he has Stephanie. Phillip thinks he's bluffing. EJ tries to convince him but assures him she's safe.

At the moment, our damsel in distress wouldn't agree with that. Stephanie lies on her slab in the morgue drawer and has a total meltdown. Owen rolls her out and reminds her she attacked him.

Melanie looks at a flyer advertising a place to sell jewelry online, "Finder's keepers. Maybe I could sell it online and make a couple hundred bucks." Maybe the new "Gong Show" needs a gong.

Stephanie promises not to give Owen any more trouble. Owen claims he's not a bad guy, just someone who kidnaps people and holds them captive in the morgue. Stephanie asks if he works for the DiMeras. Owen is evasive.

Phillip threatens EJ and warns him to stay away from Stephanie.

Rafe and Sami continue to wallow in bliss and ecstasy. Sami sighs and smiles, "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Out in the audience, the Lumis and Ejamis prepare for mass suicide.

Now," says Sami, "I just have to figure out if I deserve all this happiness." Rafe tells her to stop. Sami finds a way to shut him up.

Arianna doctors Brady. Brady decides he was a jerk because of the way he reacted, "I'm usually not like that. Most times when coffee the temperature of molten lead runs down my arm, I just smile and brush it off." Melanie interrupts and asks about his arm. Brady tells her about the spill. Melanie asks to take a look at it because she's training to be a nurse. Brady shows her the wound and she immediately decides to change professions. Melanie glances at Arianna, gives Brady the 'OK' sign and goes off to use a computer. Arianna asks Brady if he will get her another cup of coffee. So much for taking care of him.

Brady gets up to go for the coffee. He gets his order at the counter and pours it directly on his arm to save Arianna the trouble.

Phillip is finally convinced EJ has Stephanie. EJ says, "I propose an exchange... a swap. Stef for Speph, so to speak."

Stephanie tries to convince Owen he doesn't have to do this. She tells him he's a dead man once the Kiriakis' find out. Owen is sure the Kiriakis boys will be happy with him for keeping Stephanie safe. Owen is about as sharp as a marble.

Sami and Rafe come up for air after another round. "I think I finally figured it out. I get it now," says Rafe.

"Play your cards right," says Sami, "and you'll keep getting it. It's real, isn't it."

"No," says Rafe, "It's just a scam so I can have my way with you."

Sami giggles, "It worked." Sami says she's trying to play it like she's not so needy but that isn't working.

Rafe tries to reassure her. He sings her praises, "You're sweet, insecure, beautiful, but mainly a smokin' hot pain in the ass."

EJ chides Phillip for not protecting his woman. Phillip tells EJ he's a sick person and rushes him, but EJ's goon stops him. Phillip thinks a Steph for Stef exchange might work.

Owen thinks Stephanie is playing him. She asks about the police, "My uncle is the commissioner. He's one of the few uncles I haven't had an affair with." Delusional Owen thinks under different circumstances Stephanie would like him.

"I already like you," says Stephanie, "Can't you tell? I try to stab all the people I like."

Brady brings coffee. His old buddy Brendan comes up to the table and they talk about their new softball team. Brady tells Brendan he'll stop at Sami's before the game Sunday and get the equipment. Brendan walks off. Ariana asks, "Are you related to Sami Brady?"

Brady says, "Yeah, she's my step sister. Do you know her?"

Arianna says, "Yeah – not a fan. There is a lot of inbreeding in your family, isn't there? "

Sami is indignant, "Did you just say smokin' hot pain in the ass?"

Rafe backpedals, "Yeah, but I meant it as a compliment. I cherish every inch of you." Rafe moves in and inspects what he cherishes. He says he thinks Sami is jeopardizing her safety as well as Grace's, but he respects how she cares for her children. Rafe gets up to go. Sami protests.

Phillip wants proof. EJ holds up his cell phone and shows him the picture of Steph on a slab. He assures Phillip she is safe and says once he gets Stefano back Phillip will get Stephanie.

Owen whines, "You really like me?"

Stephanie plays him, "Yeah. I don't like the situation we're in though."

"This isn't me," insists the insecure ne'er do well.

"I wish you hadn't brought me to the morgue," says Stephanie, "Maybe we could go someplace else."

"Naw," says Owen, "This is convenient for me."

Brady dresses and asks if Arianna and Sami are like oil and water. Arianna says she has good instincts about people and asks if Sami is Brady's favorite person. He tells her they don't get along that well. "Thanks for the coffee," says Arianna.

"Thanks for the grievous bodily harm," says Brady. Arianna establishes the fact that he doesn't have a girlfriend and they part.

Melanie contemplates Stephanie's earring, "In the olden days I would have sold you for a lot of money. Now I have a conscience. I have to give it back to Stephanie."

Stephanie asks Owen for water and also asks to sit up. Owen rolls her out and gives her a bottle of water. He apologizes about losing her earring, "Real gold I'll bet."

"Yeah," says Stephanie, "My grandmother gave it to me." Her phone rings. Owen looks at it as Stephanie thinks, "Phillip, please save me."

A nurse attends to Stefano. He says, "The man you work for is an amoral swine. You could do better."

"Not in this job market," says the nurse.

Stefano asks how long the last insulin shot will keep him healthy. She tells him it depends, but doesn't think he has much time, though. The nurse leaves. Stefano says, "Come on, son. I'm counting on you. Unfortunately, Tony was the one I could really count on."

Phillip says he will see what he can do about an exchange. EJ rips up the contract. Phillip stares daggers. EJ walks off and Phillip has a genu-wine fit.

Owen tells Stephanie the phone call wasn't Phillip. He says now they just have to sit and wait until his contact calls with further instructions. Stephanie has back pains and asks to get down from the slab.

Melanie texts Stephanie about the earring. Brady comes up and looks over her shoulder at the website and asks if she has gold to sell. He sees the earring and says it looks familiar.

"It's Stephanie's," says Melanie, "Who else wears earrings the size of a tennis racket?" Brady thinks he kind of likes the new Melanie. Melanie is kind of shocked about the new Melanie herself and tells him she called Stephanie about the earring. Brady is proud of her.

Rafe says he's going back to his place. Grace cries over the monitor and Sami says that's Grace's way of saying she wants him to stay. Rafe agrees to go look in on her. He unwraps himself from Sami's little finger and heads for Grace's room. Sami turns up the baby monitor so she can listen in.

Rafe tells Grace, "I'm gonna take care of you and your mommy forever."

Rafe has Grace out on the couch singing to her. Sami comes out and giggles when she sees the two of them together. She tells him Will won't be home for a while, so he can stay over. Rafe thinks she should talk to Will about them soon. Sami agrees to tell Will they are together now, "I'll tell him he can expect you around a lot."

"Good idea," says Rafe, "I had a good idea of my own. I was looking at Grace and figured I should do the right thing. I should make a proper commitment."

Melanie thinks Brady is being slightly condescending, "But coming from a do-gooder junkie like you That's high praise." She tells Brady she's officially through with Phillip and therefore no longer jealous of him and Stephanie.

Phillip slugs back a few drinks at the pub. He calls Victor and tells him they need to talk, and then heads for the mansion.

Stephanie tells Owen she needs to get up and walk around a little, "I have a history of back problems."

"Maybe it would help if you weren't on it so much," says Owen.

EJ is back at the DiMera mansion. He pours a drink and goes over to Stefano's picture, "I finally have the upper hand. You'll be comping home very soon."

Owen says he would like to help, but he reminds Stephanie she tried to stab him. Stephanie apologizes and he tells her she can get down off the slab for a little while.

Rafe tells Sami it's time for a commitment. Sami asks what he means.

"I want to be a father to Grace in every way."

Melanie sits alone and wonders if Stephanie really needs the earring that much now that she will be a Kiriakis.

Phillip reports the bad news to Victor, "They got Stephanie. They took her. EJ showed me a picture."

Victor is unmoved, "Unfortunate."

"They want us to release Stefano," says Phillip, "So we do it now."

"No."

Stephanie gets off the slab, stretches and eyes her cell phone.

EJ makes a call. The phone rings in the morgue. Owen turns his attention to the phone and Stephanie gives him a knee to the groin. Owen reels backwards as Stephanie grabs the phone and answers, "Phillip? Is that you?" Owen comes up behind her and grabs her as Stephanie screams. We pan out to an uber-dramatic double-shot showing the struggle between Owen and Stephanie, as EJ holds his head, realizing his flunky Owen has an intellect rivaled only by his garden tools.

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze

Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE


Monday, May 18, 2009

Something Huge Packed Away In Your Pants

Here is a recap of all the exciting action... uh, action... uh, here's what happened in Friday's "missing episode:"

Sami wants to know what's going on, but EJ refuses to tell her.

Arianna wonders what Rafe sees in Sami. Rafe tells her to butt out.

Brady advises Mia not to tell Will about her pregnancy or about Nicole having her baby.

Mia tells Will she is an addict, but lied about going to meetings regularly.

Owen discovers Stephanie's earring is missing and worries about getting caught.

Daniel discovers Phillip lying unconscious. Phillip refuses to go to the hospital.

Arianna and Brady get their relationship off on the wrong foot.

Rafe tells Sami if she won't go to the cops about EJ, he will. Sami stops him with a kiss.



Sami and Rafe share a meal. The main course is each other. They decide not to argue any more. If you believe that I'd like to give you the opportunity to purchase the Salem Bridge...

Phillip calls for Carlo. Carlo runs up and Phillip says he wants to know where Stephanie is. Carlo goes to search as Phillip makes a call.

Owen's cell phone rings. He sees the strange number on the caller-ID and wonders who is calling. EJ rants and screams when Owen doesn't pick up. EJ gives up on the call and sends a text message instead.

Victor flashes back to putting the hurt on EJ, "It's the end of an era. The DiMera era."

Phillip calls Owen, "I was wondering if you know where Stephanie is. I always call my gardener to find out where my girlfriends are." Owen hitches. Phillip asks, "Owen... are you there?" Stephanie stirs.

Brady is on the phone outside the pub being nasty-nasty-nasty to a potential business associate. He tells the guy – Charles – Victor is no longer "hands on" at Titan. Arianna overhears as Brady bawls out Charles for being such a doof. He hangs up. He and Arianna share nervous chuckles. She tells him he left his credit card behind, and she is soooooo impressed that it's a Black Card. Brady just figured he got a black one because of his name. He informs her it's a corporate card. Arianna tells him he's cute and Brady is confused that she's complimenting him. He wonders if she did that because he has a black credit card.

Owen stammers and tells Phillip he doesn't know where Stephanie is. Stephanie moans. Phillip scowls.

Owen rolls Stephanie back into her drawer and tells Phillip to rest easy. Owen remembers hearing them argue and wonders if Stephanie just took off.

Nicole comes into the rumpus room as we hear Johnny screaming through the baby monitor. EJ rages and demands she stop the kid from screaming. Nicole turns off the baby monitor.

"Oh," says EJ, "I never thought of that." EJ calms down. Nicole wishes she could do more to help. EJ hugs her and thanks her for being patient. Nicole sees the broken phone on his desk and asks asks what happened to it. EJ 'splains that Sami is what happened to it.

Meanwhile, something else is happening to Sami. She and Rafe devour each other on the couch. He slowly lays her back. Suddenly Sami screeches and reaches behind her. She pulls out a toy dinosaur with scales the size of dinner plates. That crisis taken care of, Rafe is ready to get back to business, but Sami stops him cold and wonders, "What if Grace wakes up and cries?"

Rafe thinks she is having second thoughts. Little does he know Sami has trouble with any thoughts, let alone second thoughts. Reluctant Rafe says, "If you don't want to do this..."

Oh, Sami does, "I really do. You mean a lot to me and I'm scared you will come to your senses and ask yourself what you are doing with a chic with baggage."

"Don't worry," says Rafe, "A couple more trips to the gym and you'll work it off."

Victor has the nurse administer insulin to Stefano. He tants him, "It's finished."

Arianna tells Brady, "I don't give a damn about your money or your looks. I don't care if you have something huge packed away in your pants."

Brady can't believe what he just heard, "WHAT?"

"Oh, for God's sake," gasps Arianna, "I wasn't talking about THAT! I was talking about something huge. I was talking about the checkbook you have tucked away in your pocket."

"Are you sure," asks Brady, "because whenever the ratings really take a dip the writers have been known to get desperate enough to stoop to juvenile sexual innuendo."

"In that case," says Arianna, "DOOL must be in last place and sinking."


Sami pants, "It's just that I'm not good at relationships."

And the Emmy for the understatement of the year goes to...

Rafe tells her there is no place he would rather be. He doesn't think Sami seems very happy, though. Sami says she just wishes things were simpler, "A simple brain like mine can absorb simple things." They get back to some heavy-duty business.

"WAHHHHHHHH!"

Sami gets up and goes to check on Grace. Rafe waits.

Carlo tells Phillip he checked around and couldn't find Stephanie. Phillip sends him to her room to check to see if her things are still there.

Back in the morgue, Stephanie stirs. Owen gets another call.

EJ paces and rants because Owen isn't picking up. Nicole asks, "This operative doesn't recognize your phone number?"

"He's not the sharpest tool in the box," says EJ.

Owen finally answers, "How do I know this is you?"

EJ holds the phone up to the mirror. Owen asks, "Now that I have her, what do you want me to do with her..." He listens as EJ gives instructions, "Not a problem."

Stephanie wakes and whimpers.

Sami comes out and finds Rafe gone.

Phillip calls and leaves a message telling Stephanie he's sorry about the fight. He blames the pain meds for making him crazy. He must've been taking pain meds for a long time. Especially when he married Belle. He mumbles, "I love you. Call me. Let's do lunch."

Stephanie whimpers, "Where am I?" Her phone buzzes.

Carlo tells Phillip all of Stephanie's things are in her room, but her engagement ring is not there.

Phillip asks, "What about her Hello Kitty collection?"

"It's up there," says Carlo.

"She wouldn't go anywhere without that," says Phillip.


Stephanie lies in her drawer and cries, "Phillip!" She goes for her phone.

EJ instructs Owen. He says he doesn't want to know where Stephanie is, "Don't do anything until you hear from me."

Stephanie dials her phone as Owen the wimpy thug opens the door and apologizes for keeping her on ice, "I had no choice." He grabs her phone as she frantically continues to dial, "I can't let you make that call." That'll teach her to get Phillip on speed dial. Owen says, "Nobody even knows you are here. If they find out, we are both dead." "That wouldn't be a really big problem," says Stephanie, "There is an empty drawer right beside me."

Sami twiddles the toy dinosaur with Bowie Knives running down its back and remembers Rafe telling her they don't belong together. She broods as Rafe tickles her face with a rose. Sami looks up and smiles at him as he picks her up and carries her into the bedroom. Sami protests, "Can we actually do it in a bedroom?" We pan to a bouquet of roses sitting on a table.

Rafe gently puts Sami onto the bed. Candles glow around the room. Sami says she thought he left. Rafe asks Sami, "What do I have to do to convince you I'm not going anywhere?" He moves in and convinces her.

Arianna insists she isn't hitting on Brady. Brady reminds her, "You called me cute."

"Now," says Arianna, "I'm calling you butthead."

Sidney Poitier whispers into Brady's ear, "Tell her, 'They call me MISTER Butthead.'"

Brady wonders why she inquired about his marital status earlier. Arianna doesn't exactly remember doing that. Brady reminds her, "You said my wife was a lucky lady."

"That's because I heard you are divorced. That makes her really lucky." Arianna wonders if Brady always thinks polite chitchat is a come-on. Brady admits he's rusty at the dating game, "Actually, I'm flirting with you. And I think you're cute, too." Arianna walks off. Next time, Brady, read the Guy Manual first.

As Brady watches Arianna ride into the sunset, Phillip walks up and asks, "Have you seen Stephanie?"

"Many times," says the ever-helpful Brady. Brady decides Phillip doesn't look well, "Did something happen to Stephanie?"

Phillip says, "Nothing could have happened to Stephanie with all those guards at the house."

EJ gets a call from Victor. Victor tells him Stefano is awake and alert, "But we're fresh out of insulin. So, do you have all the documents signed or is your father going to die tonight?"

"Where am I," asks Stephanie. Owen the reluctant creep says he is sorry about the accommodations. Stephanie whines, "You kidnapped me."

"How long did it take you to figure that out," asks Owen.

Stephanie looks around, "This place is a morgue!"

"You're a lot smarter than I thought you would be," says Owen, "So look at it on the bright side it's a morgue, but you're not dead. They made me do this." He promises if she does what he says things will be OK. He takes her picture with his phone.

Brady asks what's going on and wants to know if something happened to Stephanie. Phillip tells him to butt out. Brady tells him he's been keeping Titan afloat while Phillip and Victor have been plotting dastardly things. Phillip snorts, "So what are you, a Brady, a DiMera or a Kiriakis?"

"Yes."

Brady decides he's actually a Brady and from now on will be known as Brady Brady. Phillip tells him to get out. Brady leaves.

EJ tells Victor he will hear from him shortly. Victor wants to know if EJ has any last words for his father.

That lovable goon Owen swears he would never hurt Stephanie. He takes another picture as Stephanie bawls.

EJ gets off the phone as Nicole comes in and announces Johnny is back asleep, "I read him Goodnight Moon ten times but that didn't work. So I read him the script to this DOOL episode and that put him away." EJ tells her somebody's eyes are about to get opened in a big way, and then he leaves.

Sami... Rafe... champagne... body parts.

The Sami-Rafe show's over. If there ever was Safe sex, that was it. Rafe remembers first meeting her at the safehouse, "You were always trotting out the tears." Sami reminds him he wasn't a ball of charm either. Insecure Sami thinks she doesn't deserve this. Rafe thinks she deserves more, "You are all I ever wanted."

Sami turns on the waterworks.

Phillip is at the docks with Carlo. He talks to Max on the phone and decides Stephanie is visiting her parents. EJ and his bodyguard show up.

Owen thanks Stephanie for lending him her phone, "I'm not used to doing this sort of thing. Are you OK?" Stephanie nods and sobs. Owen turns around and works with the phone. Stephanie turns and surveys the tray of sharp implements Owen has left at her disposal.

EJ and Phillip trade barbs. EJ wonders what Phillip thinks about Stefano's situation. Phillip don' know nothin'. EJ tells him Victor is holding Stefano hostage, "He's not going to win and neither will you."

"I know that," says Phillip, "If you live in Salem, you're a loser."

Stephanie sits up with scissors poised as Owen mindlessly tinkers with the phone.

Brady pays at the Java Café. Arianna walks up and wants to know if she scared him away from the pub. Just when we thought it doesn't get any more lame than this, she spills coffee on him. Brady cries like a little girl.

So does Sami, "I'm so happy. I have never felt this way before in my life."

Out in the audience, the Lumis and the Ejamis pool their resources for the first time ever. They begin the most incredible lightning round of rationalization you've ever heard, "OK, she said she never felt this way before. But what she didn't say was (INSERT YOUR CHOICE: LUCAS/EJ) made her feel different, and that was BETTER. When she says she feels THIS WAY, maybe that dinosaur is still stuck in her back." Realizing it's hopeless, one of them yells, "Oh, hell, pass the kool aid."

Round 2 ensues.

EJ drops the bomb on Phillip, "I have Stephanie. What's it worth to you for me to keep her ?"

Victor asks Stefano how it feels to be the pawn instead of the king. Stefano says EJ will not play by Victor's rules, "If this were a game and I were a gambling man I'd put everything on my son."

PLUNGE!

Owen whirls, twirls and stops Stephanie, "What are you doing? I am your friend!" Friendly Owen wheels her into the drawer. Stephanie freaks out.

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze

Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE



Friday, May 15, 2009

The Secret Message

Well, gang, as happens on occasion, there was no feed this morning. I must admit, when I get up in the morning, there is far more drama involved in finding out if the feed came through than there is in the actual show itself.

I never know what to do when this happens. Do I sit and stare at the "Death Star" on the screen and wait to see if there is a feed later? Do I just post a short message that there wasn't a feed and go about my business, risking the possibility of missing the feed and not catching every precious word of inane dialog?

This morning I elected to stare at the "Death Star." Seconds... minutes... hours passed. I... I... entered some strange hypnotic state. I don't know what came over me or what made me do it, but suddenly I had an epiphany. I became fixated on the giant portrait of my father which hangs in the Prevuze rumpus room.

I walked over and took it off the wall, turned it around, took out my trusty Ginsu and, guided by some mysterious compulsion, I slowly cut the backing off of the portrait. And there it was. A secret message!

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Framing by Josephine's
Interior Design and Craft Shop
1725 W. Main Street

I don't know what you are doing today but I, for one, will spend it pondering the deep meaning of this revelation. I also want you to know I left the painting with its back ripped out sitting propped up against a chair, because I just love it when people walk into the Prevuze rumpus room and ask, "What the hell happened?"

Anyway, not only is it Friday, but we also didn't have to endure a lame episode of DOOL. It doesn't get any better than this.


Have a great weekend.

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze

Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Drugs, Booze And Stuff

Sami hauls Grace around telling her Rafe will take care of Dr. Baker and EJ will never find out the truth. Even Grace isn't dumb enough to believe that, but... I digress.

EJ stares at Stefano's portrait as the butler brings Johnny in. EJ immediately wants to get rid of the kid, "Johnny, I'll tell you what you should do. Go up and tickle Nicole and she will read you two bedtime stories instead of one. I know because I tickled her right here on the couch and I got 'seconds' myself." The butler asks what happened to the painting.

Owen startles Stephanie on the terrace. He tells her he has some loose ends to tie up. Stephanie is shocked he's still there working, "It's dark. You can't garden now."

"I have to," says Owen, "I'm setting the timer on all the morning glories so they will open at 6AM."

Impatient Sami wonders what's keeping EJ. She calls him and he tells her he decided not to bring Johnny over tonight.

POP QUIZ!

Sami:

A. Blows her stack
B. Has a conniption
C. Becomes unhinged
D. Has a meltdown

If you didn't answer 'E. All of the above' you flunk Sami Brady 101.


Melanie comes into Maggie's kitchen. Maggie says she's having her 12-step meeting there tonight. It's an open meeting and she invites Melanie. Melanie declines. Maggie goes to check on things. Brady comes in. Melanie asks why he is there. Brady drops the bomb, "I'm here for the 12-step meeting."

"Maggie invited me," says Melanie, "but I'm lucky if I can count to ten."

Will finds Mia in the Java Café. He asks why she didn't return his messages, "Are we not friends anymore?"

Phillip staggers onto the terrace and sees Owen. "What the hell do you think you're doing," he snorts.

Mia insists they are friends, BUT... Will goes into this long, convoluted story about how he wasn't sure he was going to stay in Salem when he first came back, but he stayed in town because of her. He says he doesn't care what she did before, because that isn't what she is now.

Mia thinks that was touching and can't believe how sensitive and caring Will is. Will is thankful he read the "Guy Manual" before they had this conversation. He only had time to skim it, but he paid particular attention to the chapter entitled, "It's ALL About Her."

So now that they're cool with each other again, Will takes it a step further, "So what were you hooked on."

Mia isn't too specific, "Drugs, booze and stuff."

"My father was... is... an alcoholic," says Will.

"With you as a kid and Sami as your mother," says Mia, "How could he not be?"

Will says it's a battle for Lucas every day, "You don't seem to be battling so much. Why is that?"

"That's because I go to a meeting every night," says Mia. Since their relationship seems to be progressing at the speed of light, Will asks to go with her to her meeting tonight.

EJ tells Sami something has come up and he needs Johnny there for the next few days. For Sami's reaction, please refer to the aforementioned pop quiz. Grace has learned the ropes quickly from Sami. She has her own eruption and Sami turns her wrath on EJ, "Grace has a fever and you are springing this on me!"

EJ consults the "Guy Manual" himself and turns to the chapter entitled, "When It's A Completely Lost Cause." He follows instructions and hangs up on her.

Brady tells Melanie his tale of drug-induced woe, "I was married to a girl named Chloe..."

Melanie stops him, "I've heard about her. You don't need to say any more. I understand why you were on drugs."
Brady says the meetings keep him centered and he goes a couple times a week. Melanie asks, "Like when Phillip stresses you? I think Phillip will be OK, but him getting engaged to Stephanie could turn me into an addict."

Phillip tells Owen he should be home, "Get a life, man! You can't work 24-7." Phillip takes Stephanie inside.

Owen grits his teeth, "Dammit! That drug should have kicked in hours ago. How can he still be awake?"

A gal in the audience turns to the person next to her, "That's the same question I'm asking myself."

Inside, Phillip guzzles coffee. Stephanie thinks he's had enough and if he doesn't quit drinking it, he won't be able to sleep. Phillip says the reason he can't sleep is because he doesn't believe she's happy to be marrying him.

EJ calls Owen and asks for a progress report. Owen reports, "It's happening now." EJ is amazed that anything is actually happening on this show.

Will really-really-really wants to go with Mia to her meeting. Mia resists. Will presses. Mia relents. Exciting stuff, huh?

Will says he has to drop some things off at home before they go, "Besides, I think it would be a kick to walk in on Mom and Rafe again."

Holy bombshell, Batman, Brady wasn't aware Phillip and Stephanie got engaged. Melanie thinks it's the worst idea in the world. Brady tells her to let it go. He thinks she's jealous. "I am not," she protests, "Well... maybe I am a little bit. Even if I have some small feelings left for him that's not why I think this is a bad idea. Stephanie won't be happy and that means Phillip won't be happy. Stephanie doesn't accept what Phillip does, and she never will."

Phillip continues to act weird. Stephanie says he's scaring her. Phillip gets more scary. He explodes as Owen peeks around the corner and soaks it in.

Will and Mia arrive at Sami's place. She tells them she has something to deal with and wants to dump the kid on them. Will refuses, but Mia jumps in and says they will do it. Will grows a pair and says no. He goes to drop his stuff off. Mia practically glues herself to Grace. She decides Grace is soooooo special. Sami leaves with Grace. Mia hits the computer and looks up the address of tonight's AA meeting in Salem.

Brady and Melanie keep it up. Suddenly she notices her bracelet is gone. Now we have a real crisis.

Brady asks, "Was it expensive?"

"It was," says Melanie, "for the dumb guy who bought it for me... uh... who was also sweet and caring." Melanie heads out on a mission to find her bracelet.

Phillip screams, "I want an answer!"

Stephanie is confused, "What is the question?"

"I WANT AN ANSWER!"

Stephanie tells him to go get some rest while she goes out and sits on the terrace with a sign on her back that says, "I'm alone, you may now drug and kidnap me." She insists she loves him but can't lie and pretend everything is perfect when that's not true.

Phillip says, "In that case, maybe you shouldn't marry me."

Stephanie says, "Maybe I shouldn't." Stephanie huffs off. Phillip chases, but collapses on the couch.

On the terrace, Stephanie tells herself things will look better in the morning. Owen sneaks up behind her and chloroforms her.

Will comes back, "What were you doing on the computer?"

"I was checking Prevuze' tweets on Twitter. They're hilarious and they help me keep up with DOOL without having to watch the damn show."

A referee steps up, tosses a flag and penalizes Prevuze fifteen yards for product placement.

EJ walks around minding his own business when he hears a knock at the door. He ignores the little voice in his head telling him, "Don't answer it."

EJ walks to the door and opens it to find Sami. He ignores the little voice in his head telling him, "I told you so."

Sami says she's there to pick up Johnny. EJ refuses. "I'll call the Sheriff," says Sami.

"The Sheriff," asks EJ, "You're father is on the police force, so why wouldn't you call the SPD."

"Because I'm serious about this," says Sami, "If the Sheriff comes, I'll get Johnny. If the SPD comes, we'll have donuts. Go get Johnny now."

EJ takes his life in his hands, "No."

Brady and Maggie talk about their battles with their respective mind altering substances of choice. Brady tells her he made it because he knew Maggie made it. Maggie is touched, and we have a big hug for Brady. The doorbell rings. The party is about to start. Brady goes to get the booze. Maggie opens the door to find Mia, but doesn't realize Mia is there for the meeting. Mia tells her why she's there and says a friend is joining her. "That's OK," says Mags, "It's an open meeting. You don't have to be one of us."

"One of us," asks Mia.

"We're actually pod people plotting the takeover of planet earth," says Maggie.
Brady walks in on them as they hug and bond.

Melanie is at the pub looking for the bracelet. She calls Max but... no dice. Then she remembers she might have left it at Phillip's house.

BULLETIN: Prevuze reports that another actor will leave DOOL soon. Tommy Bear cannot resolve his contract issues with NBC.

Owen chloroforms. Stephanie goes night-night.

Henderson wakes Phillip and asks if he should call a doctor. Phillip tells him he's fine. Melanie calls and asks him about her bracelet. He tells her it's out on the terrace. She asks him to go check to make sure.

Brady leaves Maggie and Mia to their hug-a-thon. Will arrives. We share an uncomfortable moment as Mia realizes Maggie and Will have met before. Mia asks, "You two know each other?"

Will chuckles, "Yeah, she's my Aunt Maggie."

Prevuze

Maggie assures Mia things will be OK. We are all here anonymously."

"I know," says Mia, "Every actor on DOOL is doomed to anonymity."

"Whatever we say here," says Maggie, "stays within these walls. Until I leave these walls, that is." The front doorbell rings. Mia asks for a minute alone. Will goes to help Maggie with the plates.

Mia sits, "OMG, could this get any worse? OK... we'll make it work."

Brady comes in and asks what Mia is doing there.

Phillip slurs and rants, "Why the hell would I go get your bracelet? It's in an ash tray where it belongs. You belong in an ash tray, too. You're a lying bitch."

Melanie asks, "Are you OK?"

Phillip mumbles, "She loves me."

Melanie says, "You sound weird."

Phillip slurs, "She loves me."

Melanie is delighted, "That's great. Can I come and get my bracelet?"

Phillip snorts, "Go to hell." He hangs up and collapses. Melanie rushes out calling him a jerk.

Sleeping beauty sleeps in the garden cart. Owen hyperventilates and covers her with leaves.

Mia recognizes Brady as being Nicole's friend. He asks why she is there and says Nicole needs to know what she was abusing during her pregnancy. Mia denies she was doing anything to hurt the baby. She starts to huff off, but Brady won't let her. He wants to know how this affected the baby.

See the aforementioned pop quiz for Sami's reaction to EJ's refusal. She wants her son. EJ asks about Grace's fever. Sami says she doesn't want him in Grace's life, "You're already ruining Johnny."

EJ says, "I just don't want his life to be in danger."

Sami gasps, "Real danger?"

"No," says EJ, "Fake danger."

That sends Sami off the deep end. She goes into the rumpus room, sees the painting and asks what is going on.

Owen finishes covering Stephanie and bumps into Melanie and the guard, "As you can see, a gardener's work is never done." Carlo and Melanie go to the terrace. Owen carts Stephanie off.

Mia wants to leave. Brady presses. Mia insists she wasn't using drugs or alcohol when she was pregnant. She tells him she's there because she told a friend she went to rehab.

"Why?" Enquiring minds want to know.

"Because I didn't want him to find out the truth."

"Didn't want him to know the truth about what?" Enquiring minds want to know. Will walks in.

EJ tells Sami he and Stefano had an argument and things got out of hand. Sami wants to know where Stefano is. EJ tells her not to jump to conclusions.

Sami has never seen a conclusion she can't jump to.

Phillip stirs. He gets up mumbling he's sorry and calling for Stephanie. Carlo helps Melanie with the bracelet. They hear a noise. Carlo rushes to see what caused the noise. Melanie picks up a pizza pan. Oh, sorry, it's Stephanie's earring that she picks up.

Owen arranges Stephanie's lifeless body on the steel table at the morgue. This delicate maneuver, of course, can't be done in a shirt, so Owen sports his stylish wife-beater instead. Owen slowly rolls the steel table into a drawer. Things go dark on Stephanie.

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