Drugs, Booze And Stuff
EJ stares at Stefano's portrait as the butler brings Johnny in. EJ immediately wants to get rid of the kid, "Johnny, I'll tell you what you should do. Go up and tickle Nicole and she will read you two bedtime stories instead of one. I know because I tickled her right here on the couch and I got 'seconds' myself." The butler asks what happened to the painting.
Owen startles Stephanie on the terrace. He tells her he has some loose ends to tie up. Stephanie is shocked he's still there working, "It's dark. You can't garden now."
"I have to," says Owen, "I'm setting the timer on all the morning glories so they will open at 6AM."
Impatient Sami wonders what's keeping EJ. She calls him and he tells her he decided not to bring Johnny over tonight.
A. Blows her stack
B. Has a conniption
C. Becomes unhinged
D. Has a meltdown
If you didn't answer 'E. All of the above' you flunk Sami Brady 101.
Melanie comes into Maggie's kitchen. Maggie says she's having her 12-step meeting there tonight. It's an open meeting and she invites Melanie. Melanie declines. Maggie goes to check on things. Brady comes in. Melanie asks why he is there. Brady drops the bomb, "I'm here for the 12-step meeting."
"Maggie invited me," says Melanie, "but I'm lucky if I can count to ten."
Will finds Mia in the Java Café. He asks why she didn't return his messages, "Are we not friends anymore?"
Phillip staggers onto the terrace and sees Owen. "What the hell do you think you're doing," he snorts.
Mia insists they are friends, BUT... Will goes into this long, convoluted story about how he wasn't sure he was going to stay in Salem when he first came back, but he stayed in town because of her. He says he doesn't care what she did before, because that isn't what she is now.
Mia thinks that was touching and can't believe how sensitive and caring Will is. Will is thankful he read the "Guy Manual" before they had this conversation. He only had time to skim it, but he paid particular attention to the chapter entitled, "It's ALL About Her."
So now that they're cool with each other again, Will takes it a step further, "So what were you hooked on."
Mia isn't too specific, "Drugs, booze and stuff."
"My father was... is... an alcoholic," says Will.
"With you as a kid and Sami as your mother," says Mia, "How could he not be?"
Will says it's a battle for Lucas every day, "You don't seem to be battling so much. Why is that?"
"That's because I go to a meeting every night," says Mia. Since their relationship seems to be progressing at the speed of light, Will asks to go with her to her meeting tonight.
EJ tells Sami something has come up and he needs Johnny there for the next few days. For Sami's reaction, please refer to the aforementioned pop quiz. Grace has learned the ropes quickly from Sami. She has her own eruption and Sami turns her wrath on EJ, "Grace has a fever and you are springing this on me!"
EJ consults the "Guy Manual" himself and turns to the chapter entitled, "When It's A Completely Lost Cause." He follows instructions and hangs up on her.
Brady tells Melanie his tale of drug-induced woe, "I was married to a girl named Chloe..."
Melanie stops him, "I've heard about her. You don't need to say any more. I understand why you were on drugs." Brady says the meetings keep him centered and he goes a couple times a week. Melanie asks, "Like when Phillip stresses you? I think Phillip will be OK, but him getting engaged to Stephanie could turn me into an addict."
Phillip tells Owen he should be home, "Get a life, man! You can't work 24-7." Phillip takes Stephanie inside.
Owen grits his teeth, "Dammit! That drug should have kicked in hours ago. How can he still be awake?"
A gal in the audience turns to the person next to her, "That's the same question I'm asking myself."
Inside, Phillip guzzles coffee. Stephanie thinks he's had enough and if he doesn't quit drinking it, he won't be able to sleep. Phillip says the reason he can't sleep is because he doesn't believe she's happy to be marrying him.
EJ calls Owen and asks for a progress report. Owen reports, "It's happening now." EJ is amazed that anything is actually happening on this show.
Will really-really-really wants to go with Mia to her meeting. Mia resists. Will presses. Mia relents. Exciting stuff, huh?
Will says he has to drop some things off at home before they go, "Besides, I think it would be a kick to walk in on Mom and Rafe again."
Holy bombshell, Batman, Brady wasn't aware Phillip and Stephanie got engaged. Melanie thinks it's the worst idea in the world. Brady tells her to let it go. He thinks she's jealous. "I am not," she protests, "Well... maybe I am a little bit. Even if I have some small feelings left for him that's not why I think this is a bad idea. Stephanie won't be happy and that means Phillip won't be happy. Stephanie doesn't accept what Phillip does, and she never will."
Phillip continues to act weird. Stephanie says he's scaring her. Phillip gets more scary. He explodes as Owen peeks around the corner and soaks it in.
Will and Mia arrive at Sami's place. She tells them she has something to deal with and wants to dump the kid on them. Will refuses, but Mia jumps in and says they will do it. Will grows a pair and says no. He goes to drop his stuff off. Mia practically glues herself to Grace. She decides Grace is soooooo special. Sami leaves with Grace. Mia hits the computer and looks up the address of tonight's AA meeting in Salem.
Brady and Melanie keep it up. Suddenly she notices her bracelet is gone. Now we have a real crisis.
Brady asks, "Was it expensive?"
"It was," says Melanie, "for the dumb guy who bought it for me... uh... who was also sweet and caring." Melanie heads out on a mission to find her bracelet.
Phillip screams, "I want an answer!"
Stephanie is confused, "What is the question?"
"I WANT AN ANSWER!"
Stephanie tells him to go get some rest while she goes out and sits on the terrace with a sign on her back that says, "I'm alone, you may now drug and kidnap me." She insists she loves him but can't lie and pretend everything is perfect when that's not true.
Phillip says, "In that case, maybe you shouldn't marry me."
Stephanie says, "Maybe I shouldn't." Stephanie huffs off. Phillip chases, but collapses on the couch.
On the terrace, Stephanie tells herself things will look better in the morning. Owen sneaks up behind her and chloroforms her.
Will comes back, "What were you doing on the computer?"
"I was checking Prevuze' tweets on Twitter. They're hilarious and they help me keep up with DOOL without having to watch the damn show."
A referee steps up, tosses a flag and penalizes Prevuze fifteen yards for product placement.
EJ walks around minding his own business when he hears a knock at the door. He ignores the little voice in his head telling him, "Don't answer it."
EJ walks to the door and opens it to find Sami. He ignores the little voice in his head telling him, "I told you so."
Sami says she's there to pick up Johnny. EJ refuses. "I'll call the Sheriff," says Sami.
"The Sheriff," asks EJ, "You're father is on the police force, so why wouldn't you call the SPD."
"Because I'm serious about this," says Sami, "If the Sheriff comes, I'll get Johnny. If the SPD comes, we'll have donuts. Go get Johnny now."
EJ takes his life in his hands, "No."
Brady and Maggie talk about their battles with their respective mind altering substances of choice. Brady tells her he made it because he knew Maggie made it. Maggie is touched, and we have a big hug for Brady. The doorbell rings. The party is about to start. Brady goes to get the booze. Maggie opens the door to find Mia, but doesn't realize Mia is there for the meeting. Mia tells her why she's there and says a friend is joining her. "That's OK," says Mags, "It's an open meeting. You don't have to be one of us."
"One of us," asks Mia.
"We're actually pod people plotting the takeover of planet earth," says Maggie. Brady walks in on them as they hug and bond.
Melanie is at the pub looking for the bracelet. She calls Max but... no dice. Then she remembers she might have left it at Phillip's house.
Henderson wakes Phillip and asks if he should call a doctor. Phillip tells him he's fine. Melanie calls and asks him about her bracelet. He tells her it's out on the terrace. She asks him to go check to make sure.
Brady leaves Maggie and Mia to their hug-a-thon. Will arrives. We share an uncomfortable moment as Mia realizes Maggie and Will have met before. Mia asks, "You two know each other?"
Will chuckles, "Yeah, she's my Aunt Maggie."
"I know," says Mia, "Every actor on DOOL is doomed to anonymity."
"Whatever we say here," says Maggie, "stays within these walls. Until I leave these walls, that is." The front doorbell rings. Mia asks for a minute alone. Will goes to help Maggie with the plates.
Mia sits, "OMG, could this get any worse? OK... we'll make it work."
Brady comes in and asks what Mia is doing there.
Phillip slurs and rants, "Why the hell would I go get your bracelet? It's in an ash tray where it belongs. You belong in an ash tray, too. You're a lying bitch."
Melanie asks, "Are you OK?"
Phillip mumbles, "She loves me."
Melanie says, "You sound weird."
Phillip slurs, "She loves me."
Melanie is delighted, "That's great. Can I come and get my bracelet?"
Phillip snorts, "Go to hell." He hangs up and collapses. Melanie rushes out calling him a jerk.
Sleeping beauty sleeps in the garden cart. Owen hyperventilates and covers her with leaves.
Mia recognizes Brady as being Nicole's friend. He asks why she is there and says Nicole needs to know what she was abusing during her pregnancy. Mia denies she was doing anything to hurt the baby. She starts to huff off, but Brady won't let her. He wants to know how this affected the baby.
See the aforementioned pop quiz for Sami's reaction to EJ's refusal. She wants her son. EJ asks about Grace's fever. Sami says she doesn't want him in Grace's life, "You're already ruining Johnny."
EJ says, "I just don't want his life to be in danger."
Sami gasps, "Real danger?"
"No," says EJ, "Fake danger."
That sends Sami off the deep end. She goes into the rumpus room, sees the painting and asks what is going on.
Owen finishes covering Stephanie and bumps into Melanie and the guard, "As you can see, a gardener's work is never done." Carlo and Melanie go to the terrace. Owen carts Stephanie off.
Mia wants to leave. Brady presses. Mia insists she wasn't using drugs or alcohol when she was pregnant. She tells him she's there because she told a friend she went to rehab.
"Why?" Enquiring minds want to know.
"Because I didn't want him to find out the truth."
"Didn't want him to know the truth about what?" Enquiring minds want to know. Will walks in.
EJ tells Sami he and Stefano had an argument and things got out of hand. Sami wants to know where Stefano is. EJ tells her not to jump to conclusions.
Sami has never seen a conclusion she can't jump to.
Phillip stirs. He gets up mumbling he's sorry and calling for Stephanie. Carlo helps Melanie with the bracelet. They hear a noise. Carlo rushes to see what caused the noise. Melanie picks up a pizza pan. Oh, sorry, it's Stephanie's earring that she picks up.
Owen arranges Stephanie's lifeless body on the steel table at the morgue. This delicate maneuver, of course, can't be done in a shirt, so Owen sports his stylish wife-beater instead. Owen slowly rolls the steel table into a drawer. Things go dark on Stephanie.
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