Tuesday, May 19, 2009

A Smokin' Hot Pain In The Ass

Sami and Rafe cuddle in bed. Sami snuggles in, "I've never felt this way before."

"Such a waste," says Rafe.

Sami asks, "A waste?"

"Yeah," he says, "All the time in the safehouse we could have been doing this. I always knew... even though you were making me crazy, it was a good crazy."

"I'm sort of hoping I won't drive you crazy any more."

"I'm counting on that," says Rafe. Sami moves in and drives him crazy again.

Brady yelps and rips off his shirt. As the gratuitous shirtless scene of the week continues, Brady inspects his arm where Arianna spilled the hot coffee and decides he needs to go for a skin graft. Arianna stops him and says she will take care of him.

Victor comes in and asks if Stefano is feeling better. Stefano says he feels well and will continue to do so for many years to come. Victor suggests he be realistic since they are out of insulin, "Unless we get those papers, I'm afraid it's rest in peace, Papa."

Stefano insists EJ will come through with the papers, "Elvis will not let me down."

The standoff at the pier continues. EJ tells Phillip he has Stephanie. Phillip thinks he's bluffing. EJ tries to convince him but assures him she's safe.

At the moment, our damsel in distress wouldn't agree with that. Stephanie lies on her slab in the morgue drawer and has a total meltdown. Owen rolls her out and reminds her she attacked him.

Melanie looks at a flyer advertising a place to sell jewelry online, "Finder's keepers. Maybe I could sell it online and make a couple hundred bucks." Maybe the new "Gong Show" needs a gong.

Stephanie promises not to give Owen any more trouble. Owen claims he's not a bad guy, just someone who kidnaps people and holds them captive in the morgue. Stephanie asks if he works for the DiMeras. Owen is evasive.

Phillip threatens EJ and warns him to stay away from Stephanie.

Rafe and Sami continue to wallow in bliss and ecstasy. Sami sighs and smiles, "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Out in the audience, the Lumis and Ejamis prepare for mass suicide.

Now," says Sami, "I just have to figure out if I deserve all this happiness." Rafe tells her to stop. Sami finds a way to shut him up.

Arianna doctors Brady. Brady decides he was a jerk because of the way he reacted, "I'm usually not like that. Most times when coffee the temperature of molten lead runs down my arm, I just smile and brush it off." Melanie interrupts and asks about his arm. Brady tells her about the spill. Melanie asks to take a look at it because she's training to be a nurse. Brady shows her the wound and she immediately decides to change professions. Melanie glances at Arianna, gives Brady the 'OK' sign and goes off to use a computer. Arianna asks Brady if he will get her another cup of coffee. So much for taking care of him.

Brady gets up to go for the coffee. He gets his order at the counter and pours it directly on his arm to save Arianna the trouble.

Phillip is finally convinced EJ has Stephanie. EJ says, "I propose an exchange... a swap. Stef for Speph, so to speak."

Stephanie tries to convince Owen he doesn't have to do this. She tells him he's a dead man once the Kiriakis' find out. Owen is sure the Kiriakis boys will be happy with him for keeping Stephanie safe. Owen is about as sharp as a marble.

Sami and Rafe come up for air after another round. "I think I finally figured it out. I get it now," says Rafe.

"Play your cards right," says Sami, "and you'll keep getting it. It's real, isn't it."

"No," says Rafe, "It's just a scam so I can have my way with you."

Sami giggles, "It worked." Sami says she's trying to play it like she's not so needy but that isn't working.

Rafe tries to reassure her. He sings her praises, "You're sweet, insecure, beautiful, but mainly a smokin' hot pain in the ass."

EJ chides Phillip for not protecting his woman. Phillip tells EJ he's a sick person and rushes him, but EJ's goon stops him. Phillip thinks a Steph for Stef exchange might work.

Owen thinks Stephanie is playing him. She asks about the police, "My uncle is the commissioner. He's one of the few uncles I haven't had an affair with." Delusional Owen thinks under different circumstances Stephanie would like him.

"I already like you," says Stephanie, "Can't you tell? I try to stab all the people I like."

Brady brings coffee. His old buddy Brendan comes up to the table and they talk about their new softball team. Brady tells Brendan he'll stop at Sami's before the game Sunday and get the equipment. Brendan walks off. Ariana asks, "Are you related to Sami Brady?"

Brady says, "Yeah, she's my step sister. Do you know her?"

Arianna says, "Yeah – not a fan. There is a lot of inbreeding in your family, isn't there? "

Sami is indignant, "Did you just say smokin' hot pain in the ass?"

Rafe backpedals, "Yeah, but I meant it as a compliment. I cherish every inch of you." Rafe moves in and inspects what he cherishes. He says he thinks Sami is jeopardizing her safety as well as Grace's, but he respects how she cares for her children. Rafe gets up to go. Sami protests.

Phillip wants proof. EJ holds up his cell phone and shows him the picture of Steph on a slab. He assures Phillip she is safe and says once he gets Stefano back Phillip will get Stephanie.

Owen whines, "You really like me?"

Stephanie plays him, "Yeah. I don't like the situation we're in though."

"This isn't me," insists the insecure ne'er do well.

"I wish you hadn't brought me to the morgue," says Stephanie, "Maybe we could go someplace else."

"Naw," says Owen, "This is convenient for me."

Brady dresses and asks if Arianna and Sami are like oil and water. Arianna says she has good instincts about people and asks if Sami is Brady's favorite person. He tells her they don't get along that well. "Thanks for the coffee," says Arianna.

"Thanks for the grievous bodily harm," says Brady. Arianna establishes the fact that he doesn't have a girlfriend and they part.

Melanie contemplates Stephanie's earring, "In the olden days I would have sold you for a lot of money. Now I have a conscience. I have to give it back to Stephanie."

Stephanie asks Owen for water and also asks to sit up. Owen rolls her out and gives her a bottle of water. He apologizes about losing her earring, "Real gold I'll bet."

"Yeah," says Stephanie, "My grandmother gave it to me." Her phone rings. Owen looks at it as Stephanie thinks, "Phillip, please save me."

A nurse attends to Stefano. He says, "The man you work for is an amoral swine. You could do better."

"Not in this job market," says the nurse.

Stefano asks how long the last insulin shot will keep him healthy. She tells him it depends, but doesn't think he has much time, though. The nurse leaves. Stefano says, "Come on, son. I'm counting on you. Unfortunately, Tony was the one I could really count on."

Phillip says he will see what he can do about an exchange. EJ rips up the contract. Phillip stares daggers. EJ walks off and Phillip has a genu-wine fit.

Owen tells Stephanie the phone call wasn't Phillip. He says now they just have to sit and wait until his contact calls with further instructions. Stephanie has back pains and asks to get down from the slab.

Melanie texts Stephanie about the earring. Brady comes up and looks over her shoulder at the website and asks if she has gold to sell. He sees the earring and says it looks familiar.

"It's Stephanie's," says Melanie, "Who else wears earrings the size of a tennis racket?" Brady thinks he kind of likes the new Melanie. Melanie is kind of shocked about the new Melanie herself and tells him she called Stephanie about the earring. Brady is proud of her.

Rafe says he's going back to his place. Grace cries over the monitor and Sami says that's Grace's way of saying she wants him to stay. Rafe agrees to go look in on her. He unwraps himself from Sami's little finger and heads for Grace's room. Sami turns up the baby monitor so she can listen in.

Rafe tells Grace, "I'm gonna take care of you and your mommy forever."

Rafe has Grace out on the couch singing to her. Sami comes out and giggles when she sees the two of them together. She tells him Will won't be home for a while, so he can stay over. Rafe thinks she should talk to Will about them soon. Sami agrees to tell Will they are together now, "I'll tell him he can expect you around a lot."

"Good idea," says Rafe, "I had a good idea of my own. I was looking at Grace and figured I should do the right thing. I should make a proper commitment."

Melanie thinks Brady is being slightly condescending, "But coming from a do-gooder junkie like you That's high praise." She tells Brady she's officially through with Phillip and therefore no longer jealous of him and Stephanie.

Phillip slugs back a few drinks at the pub. He calls Victor and tells him they need to talk, and then heads for the mansion.

Stephanie tells Owen she needs to get up and walk around a little, "I have a history of back problems."

"Maybe it would help if you weren't on it so much," says Owen.

EJ is back at the DiMera mansion. He pours a drink and goes over to Stefano's picture, "I finally have the upper hand. You'll be comping home very soon."

Owen says he would like to help, but he reminds Stephanie she tried to stab him. Stephanie apologizes and he tells her she can get down off the slab for a little while.

Rafe tells Sami it's time for a commitment. Sami asks what he means.

"I want to be a father to Grace in every way."

Melanie sits alone and wonders if Stephanie really needs the earring that much now that she will be a Kiriakis.

Phillip reports the bad news to Victor, "They got Stephanie. They took her. EJ showed me a picture."

Victor is unmoved, "Unfortunate."

"They want us to release Stefano," says Phillip, "So we do it now."


Stephanie gets off the slab, stretches and eyes her cell phone.

EJ makes a call. The phone rings in the morgue. Owen turns his attention to the phone and Stephanie gives him a knee to the groin. Owen reels backwards as Stephanie grabs the phone and answers, "Phillip? Is that you?" Owen comes up behind her and grabs her as Stephanie screams. We pan out to an uber-dramatic double-shot showing the struggle between Owen and Stephanie, as EJ holds his head, realizing his flunky Owen has an intellect rivaled only by his garden tools.

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Anonymous Berg said...

Seriously how long do they have to drag out SAFE sex? Come on!!

Rafe and Sami continue to wallow in bliss and ecstasy well they are wallowing alright but I wouldn't call it bliss and ecstasy.

Also, where did the DiMera's find Owen? He is as dimwitted as Steponme - hey no wonder she still won't get away!

Oh and Brady's ripped off shirt is always a nice touch. That usually tells me there was a writer out sick that day and the cleaning wrote the part, I say hire her as full time DOOL staff.

3:53 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

"Such a waste," says Rafe.

Sami asks, "A waste?"

"Yeah," he says, "All the time in the safehouse we could have been doing this."
Rafe, the ace FBI dude, is about as counterfeit as they come. Does the FBI approve of on the job boinking? A little safehouse nookie would have been a total betrayal of trust. Along with tracking down Laughing Penguins, does Rafe think schtuping Sami is part of being a full service agent? Geez! Goodness - it’s time to stop this rant because I have exhausted my supply of silly euphemisms for sex.

Arianna stops him and says she will take care of him.I bet she will. Arianna’s been taking pointers from her big brother Rafe.

Stephanie tells Owen she needs to get up and walk around a little, "I have a history of back problems."

"Maybe it would help if you weren't on it so much," says Owen.

Good point Prevuze!!!!!!!!

Rafe tells Sami it's time for a commitment. Sami asks what he means.

"I want to be a father to Grace in every way."

OK, we all know that Rafe plans to adopt Grace. I don’t know anything about adoption but this certainly makes absolutely no sense. Both Rafe and Sami think that EJ is the father of Grace. What about a birth certificate? If one exists, wouldn’t Sami have listed EJ as the father? I’m assuming that EJ would have to give up his parental rights for Rafe to adopt Grace, and that’s not about to happen.

Prevuze, thanks for the great censored link and the photo of Stephanie’s earring. Oh yes, please beware of waitresses bearing hot coffee. You probably won’t be lucky enough to have a nurse wannabe like Melanie ready to check you out. Have a great day everyone!

5:43 AM  
Blogger cfish said...

Apart from the inappropriateness of an FBI agent "boinking" his charge, how about the fact that Sami was PREGNANT (indeed, VERY pregnant) when they were in the safehouse??? Sorry, but "EEUUUWWW!!"

6:17 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

I'm sorry, but those hideous, huge earrings do not look like real gold. And Caroline supposedly gave them to her? First of all Caroline wouldn't have the money to buy solid gold earrings that big and second, Caroline has more taste than that.

On the plus side, those earrings have been a gold mine (pun intended) of prevuisms,”Maybe the new "Gong Show" needs a gong” comments and pictures (hilarious one today BTW).

Speaking of the pictures, Bulldog had a great one and loved the use of the classic line from On The Waterfront. The author of the screenplay is probably spinning in his grave though. lolol

I’m ever grateful for Prevuze dedication to its readers.

6:43 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Applecheeks, you once again stole my comment - about Caroline giving her the earring. Yeah, right. Maybe it was Patch's mother. HA

Let's all take bets on how many scenes/days we'll have of Philvic arguing whether or not to make the Stephstef switch. I'm guessing at least two weeks - Salem time. Which will take us to the 4th of July.

Leslie, Leslie. You can't try to apply real life logic to Daze. Take a step back, a deep breath and you'll realize in the land of embryo-stealing and baby-switching, adoption at the drop of a hat is completely normal.

Great censored link! Those always make my day. And the earring picture might turn out to be a Prevuze classic in my book. Thanks for making me laugh so early this morning!

7:58 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Great censored link! Those always make my day.

Hmmm... I'm beginning to think you're just a little too fond of those censored links. Just an observation.

8:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the Stephstef SwitchSounds like a new Robert Ludlum novel. Has a certain syllabic swing to it.

Passing along a random observation that Prevuze made in Twitter after today's show: When Sami was at EJ's it looked as if her nail polish was dark, almost black. By the time she was back at the apartment and in bed with Rafe the nails were red. When did she have time to redo her nails??

Just asking....


PS: word verification = semated. Something I hope Sami isn't after her romp with Rafe. :-O

12:59 PM  

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