Did You Score, Mom? Did You Get Some?
Sami asks, "You want to adopt her?"
"Yeah," says Rafe, "Then she will have a father who is (say it with him) there for her and will care for her and be in her corner."
"I don't know what to say."
Phillip tells Victor he's not asking permission to make the Stef-Steph swap, he's demanding they do it it. Victor rejects the idea. He says he knows what he's doing. Phillip blows his prosthetic stack, "Either you help me get her back or I'll do it myself!"
Stephanie's phone rings. Owen looks down at the display. Stephanie goes into action. Owen takes a knee, only not in the usual sense. DOWN GOES OWEN! Stephanie morphs into a screaming ninny as she picks up the phone, "PHILLIP? PHILLIP?" EJ listens on the other end and wishes he had gotten a flunky with a brain instead of a ponytail.
Sami reminds Rafe there is an extended family to think about. Rafe says he kind of likes that. "And there is me," says Sami, "I'm a mom, full time, because it takes all of my effort to hunt down all those babysitters. This is a long term commitment. You'd have to put up with me for all the Days Of Our Lives."
"I'd like that, too," says Rafe.
Sami asks, "Are you asking me to marry you?"
EJ calls Stephanie's phone and gets voicemail. Nicole walks in and asks her standard question, "What's going on?"
Sami lets Rafe down easy, "I can't marry you – not right now. We just started our relationship. Don't be hurt."
Rafe says, "I'm not hurt."
Now Sami's hurt that he's not hurt, "You're not hurt? Samantha the Great just turned down your marriage proposal. How can you not be hurt? "
Rafe asks, "You want me to be hurt?"
"It wouldn't hurt if you were hurt a little."
And the Emmy for using the word 'hurt' the most times in a conversation goes to...
Rafe says, "For you to turn down my proposal, I would have had to propose in the first place."
Sami gasps, "You didn't?"
Rafe asks, "You think I'm crazy?"
"We both are," says Sami, "And I can prove it."
"We just had this conversation."
Nicole asks EJ, "Something's gone wrong, hasn't it?"
EJ asks, "What tipped you off? "
Nicole says, "The plot has started to make sense."
EJ insists everything is under control, "I won't rest, however, until father is home."
Nicole asks, "Does that mean we're going to have his funeral here?"
Phillip and Victor argue. Victor reminds Phillip, "I'm still in charge of this family. My men won't let you near Stefano."
"I have my own men," says Phillip, "I'll get my men to go up against your men." That's like 'my peeps will get with your peeps' on steroids. More arguing ensues. Phillip says, "Thinking like that gets people killed."
Victor says, "If thinking is what kills people, You may live forever."
Phillip vows, "I will not let Stephanie be next."
Stephanie runs through the woods and tries to make a call. Owen catches up with her and grabs her. Stephanie wiggles around like a fresh worm on a fishhook, "Let go of me!"
Owen yells, "Don't make me hurt you, but feel free to keep wiggling around in that tiny negligee while I try to hold on to you."
The shoe is on the other foot. Now we argue about who proposed and who didn't accept. Sami is mad at Rafe for not proposing even though she didn't want to marry him. Rafe starts to make fun of it all and Sami tells him it's not funny. Rafe tells her they have to take it slow. So one minute he's in bed with her for the first time and the next minute he wants to adopt her kid. If that's slow, the speed of light is a dead stop.
Sami says she doesn't know how to do this without people finding out she's Grace's mother.
Nicole reminds EJ she told Stefano at their wedding she knows what it means to be a DiMera. EJ says, "It will be easier for you to keep your mouth shut if you don't know what's going on. And if there is anything we want to do it's make it easy for you to keep your mouth shut."
Nicole says EJ can tell her anything and she won't betray him, "I love you and there are no conditions."
Victor and Phillip continue to argue over the Stef-Steph dilemma. Phillip suggests they take Theo and prove they don't have any feelings at all. Victor says he doesn't need sarcasm at the moment. Victor knows this has to end but says he won't cave in, "In a war, sentiment leads to casualties. Stephanie is a witness and can testify against the DiMeras. It's a dangerous position for her."
Stephanie and Owen continue to struggle.
Rafe asks Sami to sit down so he can tell her something shocking. Sami sits and Rafe says, "You were right."
"You were right."
"You were right."
"Say it again."
"You were right."
Sami has either conjured up her totally insecure personality, or the one that is hard of hearing.
Sami just can't get enough of hearing Rafe tell her she was right. He finally gets to finish his sentence, "You were right about the adoption." Sami thinks it would be wonderful if he were Grace's father. "Legal adoption presents one very big problem," says Rafe, "and we can't tell people I'm the father and you're the mother."
"Well, yeah," says Sami, "They can count to nine and they will know that I didn't even know you when I got pregnant. And we can't even let people know I am her mother because EJ will..."
"Yeah," says Rafe, "He starts counting and... he can probably count to nine..."
"I wish I'd known you then," says Rafe, "I wish I were Grace's father."
"It would certainly make things simpler," says Sami, "But I don't do simple."
Rafe asks, "Why don't we just say I want to be with you and Grace and be a family. It has one thing going for it – it's the truth."
"You know what else is true," asks Sami, "You adopting Grace and us being a family would mean more to me than than anything. It was meant to be."
Rafe asks, "Are you saying it's OK?"
Sami smiles, "It's more than OK... Papa." They seal the deal with a kiss.
Nicole announces Sydney is out like a light. EJ is moody. Nicole asks if there is something she can do. EJ growls, "No."
"Not even listen," asks Nicole, "I know you don't want me to butt in but it worries me that you are keeping this bottled up inside."
Nicole has convinced him to open up but EJ struggles with the words, "Phillip and Stephanie are... engaged. So... I had her... kidnapped."
Phillip says he believes Victor is thinking of Stephanie, "When I was shot it messed with her mind."
"A small mess is easy enough to clean up," says Victor.
"She is not in good shape," says Phillip, "We have to help her fast. She can't take this."
Owen and Stephanie continue to struggle. Suddenly, Stephanie hits the ground with the proverbial sickening thud. We slowly pan in on her unconscious face and read the inscription next to her head which says, "The Jan Spears / Willow Starke Memorial Rock."
Sami finds Rafe dressing and asks if he is leaving. He says he wants her to get some sleep, "I know Grace will be up at the crack of dawn – she always wants to read Prevuze the minute it comes out."
Sami asks him to stay just five more minutes. She threatens to whine and cry and hold her breath if she doesn't get her way, "I wonder if you've been planning this all along."
"I was definitely planning to get you into bed," says Rafe, "The adoption thing was kind of spur-of-the-moment." Sami wishes Johnny were there. Rafe says no matter what a nasty guy EJ is, he wouldn't let anything happen to Johnny. That turns Sami on. She attacks and they become a writing ball on the couch, which is the cue for...
WILL THE CHAPERON!
Sami and Rafe straighten up and try to look like they were playing scrabble, without a board. Rafe clears his throat, "I was just leaving."
Will is the only adult in the room, "Yeah, it looked that way." Will tells him his bowling conveniently got canceled which set up this embarrassing scenario. Rafe grabs one last quick smooch and leaves. Will wipes off the smooch.
Sami and Will share an uncomfortable moment. Will cuts to the chase, "If I wasn't here would he have spent the night?"
Victor says, "I won't let anything happen to Stephanie."
Phillip explodes, "Something already happened to her! You have blown this! You have screwed up big time! If Stefano dies we have nothing and they have Stephanie. If we lose her I will never forgive you."
EJ tells Nicole he went for Phillip's greatest vulnerability. Nicole has a conniption, "I HATE AND DESPISE THE MAN WHO DID THIS TO STEPHANIE!"
EJ thinks perhaps he has made an error telling Nicole about the kidnapping, but those crafty DOOL writers know how to turn the situation around. After what seems like hours, Nicole says, "I hope Victor burns in hell!"
Owen checks out Stephanie's lifeless body, "OMG, please don't be dead."
Sami is indignant. She didn't realize Will could be so open and honest with her, "What are you asking me... 'Did you score, Mom? Did you get some?'"
"You can ask me about my personal life but be more careful how you phrase it!"
Sami gets serious, "Yes, I was talking to Rafe and we are thinking about him being here."
Will figures they are pretty serious about each other, "I wonder if what I think makes any difference."
Rafe is with Arianna at the pub. She thinks he's in a particularly good mood, "I get it... You were with Timi, right?"
"Her name is Sami."
"I know her name," says Arianna, "I just wanted to see if I could get a rise out of you."
Just pretend there is a censored link here. You know what it would say.
Arianna asks if Rafe and Sami are thinking about marriage. Ne says no but he's going to adopt her little girl, "It's kind of like getting all the baggage without taking the flight."
Victor wants to think things through before they act. Phillip is against thinking. He says he's pretty sure Stephanie's kidnapping was an inside job.
Owen has Stephanie tied up on the slab and tells her he had to do this, "You put up a real fight with that phone, though... Phone... Where is that damn phone?"
The phone sits on the Jan Spears / Willow Stark Memorial Rock and rings.
Nicole rants against Victor and says she's happy EJ took action. Now she wants to know what else is going on, "I had a mole working at the Kiriakis Mansion."
"I hate those little varmints," says Nicole.
EJ also says he just called and Stephanie answered, "Now nobody answers the phone. If I don't have Stephanie I don't have anything to exchange for my father."
Sami says if Will had a real problem with Rafe she would talk to him about it, "But if the real problem is he's not your dad, that isn't fair to me is it?"
"No," agrees Will, "It's not. But you guys just seem to be going a little fast."
"Middle age is approaching," says Sami, "We don't have much time left to grow up." She tells him about the plan for Rafe to adopt Grace.
Will asks, "How did he talk you into that?"
Arianna asks, "How did she talk you into that?" The artistry of the writing on this show never stops, does it?
"It was my idea," says Rafe, "I think it's meant to be. Grace was meant to be my daughter."
Arianna is worried about Sami, "That woman is nothing but trouble."
Phillip wants to call EJ and tell him they will return Stefano. He plays the Caroline card and talks about all the feelings Victor has for her, "If the DiMeras had her, it would be your call. I love Stephanie more than anything and that makes it my call."
Nicole thinks Victor won't let Stefano die. EJ thinks he has now forced Victor's hand. Nicole tries to encourage him, "We will get through this together. You just have to hang on a little while longer."
A gal in the audience leans over to her neighbor, "He might be able to hang on a little longer, but I've had it."
Sami tells will the adoption was Rafe's idea. Will is skeptical, "Oh yeah, every single macho man ex-FBI agent wants to adopt a kid. I know Grace deserves a father but why him? Something big is going on here you don't want me to know anything about."
Rafe decides it was a mistake to tell Arianna. He starts to leave but she stops him and tells him to open his eyes, "It's all happening again!" Dumb-da-dumb-dumb!
Victor agrees this is Phillip's decision, "Just get going."
Owen starts to put Stephanie back on ice so he can go find the phone, but stops short of closing the drawer, "I just can't leave you here alone."
EJ gets a call from Phillip, "You know that thing we were talking about? We'll do it. The Steph-Stef swap is on."
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