Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Horny In Milwaukee

The brat lies in bed and turns to her computer (Nick's loaner, that is), "Hey, everybody, it's me again, Angry Angel back to vent. If you've been following my blog, you gotta get a life, but you won't believe the latest."

Nick watches as she describes her dad's arrest. She thought her mom and dad would get back together, "but he stayed with his bitch of a wife who is pregnant with another guy's baby. Doesn't anyone fight for true love, passion, quality drama? I guess I should get over it and move on, right? If they want to be miserable for the rest of their lives, that's their problem, but when they're miserable, so am I, so if you know how, talk to me."

Nick types, "I'll help you Angry Angel. I know just what you need."

Max and Mimi are on the return trip. Max wonders what's with Phillip's whereabouts being classified, "Victor has more money than God and he doesn't find out what we found out in a couple of days. What if he's lying?"

Captain Shepherd calls and tells Victor about Mimi and Max' visit. Victor thanks him and says he will handle it.

Marlena contemplates John's proposal. John's knee is getting sore. Marlena is flabbergasted. Of course, she says yes. Marlena doesn't know how to say no to a marriage proposal. John opens a box. "Oh," gasps Marlena, "Another ring for my collection." He slips it on her finger and kisses her. Father Dunalay comes out of the shadows. He has been standing by to marry them."

"What if I had said no," asks Marlena.

"The odds of that were ten million to one," says John, "But in that case, he'd be here to give me last rites." They step over by the fountain. Mystery man crushes his cigarette and watches.

Victor hangs up. The mummy wheels in. Victor tells him about the call and Max and Mimi's adventure. He tells him they'll be off to Montréal as soon as they find an actor to play the role and Phillip's face will cease to exist. Phillip hands him a note, "What do we do in the meantime?"

Victor mulls it over, "A very good question."

Max thinks Victor has known where Phillip is all along. He decides to pay him a visit. Mimi thinks Victor will freak out if they do that.

Stephanie and Abby decorate Chez Rouge. They rag on the brat for not helping after promising she would. Stephanie wonders if Abby is missing her parents. Yes, but they call and email all the time. Stephanie asks about Abby's job.

Abby says there isn't much going on right now, "Max went out of town with Mimi."

Stephanie's jaw hits the floor, "What's up with that?"

Abby asks, "Do you care?"

"No," says Stephanie, "I had to find out from Frankie that Max dumped me. He's a jerk."

Abby defends him, "He's not! If you're going to talk bad about him I don't want to be a part of it."

Angry Angel types, "Is there anyone out there?" No response. She says, "Don't all chime in at once."

Nick types, "I'm here Angel, never fear. The answer to all your hopes and dreams."

Chelsea sees the response come in, "This better not be from Horny in Milwaukee again." She reads the message, "To Angel from Lonely Splicer." He knows how she feels. If she disappeared tomorrow, no one would notice, "It is a loneliness so deep you want to reach out to anyone who can help fill the hole in your heart, not to mention the one that must be in my head for being attracted to you."

She reads on, "I want to help you though another day in a world that doesn't make sense. You want someone to connect with, but no one answers. If they did, how could you trust them? You've been hurt so many times. Can you risk your heart again?"

He brat types, "Who are you? How do you know me so well?"

Mystery guy lights another cigarette.

John spews his vows. He begins with the understatement of the year, "We have done this before. I just want you to know I don't take these vows for granted. Our love has always brought us back together. Because that bond is unbreakable, except for all your other marriages, our hearts will be one for all the Days Of Our Lives. I love you baby."

"I love you." Hugs, kisses.

Father Dunalay chimes in, "We seem to be getting ahead of ourselves."

Victor understands Phillip's concern, "Mimi and Max are amateurs. If they pose a threat, I will do whatever it takes to stop them. Agreed?"

The mummy sags from the weight of all the gauze.

Max says he isn't afraid of Victor. Phillip is a friend. Mimi says, "I don't want you getting your butt into hot water with Victor. OR MINE!"

"Don't worry," says Max, "I promise I will be watching your butt."

"Giggle."

Stephanie puts two-and-two together and figures out Abby likes Max. Abby denies it, "Max is a good guy. End of story." Stephanie thinks all guys are jerks, at least the ones she likes. Abby thinks the perfect guy will come along.

"There is no such thing," insists Stephanie.

The brat busts in, "I just found the perfect guy! I am in love!"

Father Dunalay continues. Marlena takes John to have and to hold until the next one comes along. John takes Marlena. Blada, blada, blada... Yada, yada, yada.

Mystery guy inspects his pistol as Father Dunalay continues.

Stephanie gasps, "You're in love with a freak from the internet?"

The brat says, "Just because you're still bitter about Max..."

Stephanie breaks in, "I'm not bitter (Translation: Raw cranberries aren't as bitter as I am) but you were hot for Uncle Max yourself."

"That was ancient history," she says, "This new guy totally blows me away." The brat tells them about her blog, "He totally gets me. He understands my deepest, darkest feelings."

They try to figure out the name 'Lonely Splicer.' Stephanie says, "Maybe he's a serial killer that splices up his victims."

The brat hands Abby the printouts and she reads the posts. The brat says, "See, he understands about my parents."

Splicer types.

Abby reads, "For now just let me be free to be in the moment. Let me take off my clothes and run in the wind, metaphorically – I'm not a streaker. Let me fall in love with someone who knows what I am talking about. Let there be passion, the kind you would die for."

Stephanie and Abby are impressed. The brat decides she has to find him. Stephanie says, "That could be a big mistake."

Max and Mimi come to visit Victor. He says this isn't a good time, but when they tell him it's about Phillip, he invites them in. They tell him about Spivey. Victor says he has known all along Phillip was injured again.

Mystery man watches as Father Dunalay pronounces John and Marlena man and wife. John beats him to the punch on the kissing the bride part.

Mystery guy steps out of the shadows and says, "Signore Black, I bring you word from the house of DiMera."

John wipes his lips. He must have thought the guy said, "House of Pancakes."

Mimi is shocked, "Victor, you lied! That's my department." Victor says he had to lie and he wants their word they will not repeat what he is about to tell them. They give their word. Victor tells them he knows Spivey was flown to Georgia, and then left. All Victor knows now is the CIA is holding him somewhere in a safe house.

Stephanie asks how the brat knows Lonely Splicer isn't a serial killer. The brat just knows, "He's looking for love."

"You don't know what he looks like," says Stephanie.

Abby agrees, "This guy could be a troll."

The brat says, "No way. His soul is too beautiful."

Dr. Rebert walks in on Nick as he types at the computer. He tells him he can take off, "Go have some fun."

"That is exactly what I intend to do," says Nick.

Enrico congratulates the newlyweds, "Signore, you must know the count is still in prison – For a very long time. As for your Padrone, Stefano, he is dead."

John hisses, "He didn't get the name 'The Phoenix' for nothing."

Enrico asks, "How can I help you?"

John says, "We have reason to believe someone high in the DiMera operation is causing trouble in Salem. His name is EJ Wells. I want to know who he is."

"I do not know him," says Enrico, "I can't help you. My instructions are to tell you about Tony and Stephano."

"Forgive me if I don't believe you," snorts John, "The body wasn't Stephano's."

"You wasted your time coming here," says Enrico, "For your own safety you should leave tonight."

John gets his drift. Enrico knew he was a reasonable man. He wishes them a safe trip. On the way out Enrico checks out Marlena.

John says, "That was Stephano warning us, so he doesn't have to show his face. He just tipped his hand. I'm more convinced than ever he is still alive. I'm going to finish what I came here to do. There is only one way to find out if he is alive."

The brat says it doesn't matter what he looks like. On the inside he's what she is looking for. Stephanie says, "He could be some 50-year-old perv."

"Not a chance," says the brat, "John is in Italy. Splicer is not a freak. The next time I talk to him I will prove it."

Nick runs in and sees they have pretty much finished decorating. Abby lets him hang the mistletoe.

Nick asks the brat, "Care to help me?"

"I'm sorry," she says, "I have this policy... No free kisses for nerds."

Max can't believe with all Victor's clout he can't find out where Phillip is. Victor says, "He was involved in a covert action and is being debriefed. National security and Phillip's future are at stake. I'd hate for anything to happen to you two because of information I shared with you."

Max asks, "Is that a threat, Victor?"

John, by God, is going to find out if Stephano is alive. Marlena asks, "Are you going to dig up his body?"

"If I have to."

"What if it's a trap," says Marlena.

The brat says, "If you kiss a geek you turn into a frog."

Nick asks, "Want to try and find out?"

"No."

Chelsea tees off on him. He didn't even notice she bailed on the Thanksgiving what with her dad doing all that ranting and raving about him. He offers to swing an invite for Christmas. Stephanie decides to be helpful and tell him about the brat's new boyfriend. "He's not officially my boyfriend," says the brat, "I just found him interesting."

Nick pants, "Tell me about him."

"It's none of your business," says the brat, "I have to go and see if I got any more messages." Stephanie leaves with her.

Abby apologizes for the brat. Nick likes a girl with spunk. He says he has to get in touch with Max. He wants to buy a car. He's looking for something to impress a girl.

Victor says it wasn't a threat. He just wants Max and Mimi to be cautious. He asks for their discretion. Max says he already told him he wouldn't say anything. Mimi too, for whatever that's worth. Victor shows them out.

Outside, Mimi asks if Max bought what Victor was saying in there. "Everything the old man said was a lie." Says Max.

"How can you be sure," says Mimi.

Max says, "If this involved the CIA, he wouldn't have said anything to us. We've come this far – we will find the truth."

Mimi smiles, "You're the best." Kiss.

Victor confers with the mummy, "Let's hope they take my advice so I don't have to take further action."

Abby tells Nick, "I don't think Chelsea is into you. She has met some online idiot."

"Can I tell you a secret," asks Nick, "I am the online idiot!"

"I get it," squeals Abby, "Gene splicing. It won't work. The second Chelsea finds out who you are, you're history."

Nick says, "That's the thing. She won't find out. Not until exactly the right time."

"She's gong to want to see a picture."

"It's all been taken care of."

The brat gets a message saying Mr. Splicer has sent a picture.

Downloading...

The brat prays, "Please do not be a perv or a nerd or a geezer."

Downloading...

Prevuze

Stephanie looks over her shoulder, "He is freaking gorgeous!"

Chelsea says, "I think I'm in love."

Any resemblence the picture bears to Dr. Rebert is purely coincidental .

Trap or no trap John has to dig up something. If they find Stephano is in there it will be the greatest wedding present ever.

Marlena asks, "What if it's empty?"

"Then I foresee a family reunion in the very near future." John squints. FF.


Previews
========

Red says, "If I was running some kinda scam I'd grab that reward money and run." Bo grabs her hand with a wad-o-cash, "Got your payoff from someone else, huh?"

Patrick says, "I just want to spend some time with you. Is that too much to ask?" Hope says, "It wouldn't be, if I was sure it was Bo who beat you up."

Nick says, "She will be so in love with me she couldn't possibly be upset." Abby asks, "Nick, were you born in a test tube?" Nick says, "No."

Kayla says, "I'm fine, see?" Patch yells, "They wanna kill us!"

4 Comments:

Anonymous applecheeks said...

LOL today - the various cracks about Doc and her marriages, Bulldog's show of hands, Philip sagging from the weight of all the guaze, John licking his lips after hearing "House of Pancakes" (that one really got to me)!

I'm so glad the writers have finally put Chelsea in at least one lighter, teen-appropriate storyline. Her constant psychotic plotting was too much. But "Angry Angel" as her web name? Puh-leeze!

7:27 AM  
Blogger Bulldog said...

I'm still laughing over "He could be some 50 year old perv. Can't be, John is in Italy." HAHAHAHAHHA

And I agree with the odds of Marlena turning down a marriage offer.

I can't wait to see Squints, shovel in hand, trying to dig into Stefano's grave.

Excellent Prevuze and pictures today, I'll be chuckling over them all day! :D

8:23 AM  
Anonymous Theresa said...

Prevuze, you need to take you fine funny self to Chelseas blog:

http://www.myspace.com/salem_angry_angel

10:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a mother of a person in the military ... do they really believe we accept the fact that ANYONE with part of a leg missing will be accepted back and sent on a mission!!!

I have been watching DOOL for 39 years and this has to be one of the most unbelieveable plots yet .. and there have been many!

10:29 AM  

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