Play At Your Own Risk
Abby and Chelsea are at the hospital. The brat tries to be upbeat about Jack's condition. Abby goes to say goodbye before they head out for a night on the town.
"There's got to be a way to get rid of Mrs. Goodwrench," says the little snot. She leafs through a magazine, "That's it!"
Frankie tells Lexie he wishes there was something he could do. Lexie says, "Maybe there is... follow me."
Maggie helps Austin prepare dinner on the rooftop. Austin's phone rings. It's Carrie. He tells her he is ready for them any time they want to come up. She says they can't make it – Lexie wants to talk to them. He suggests maybe they can join them for dessert.
Sami comes out dressed to kill. EJ tells her she looks beautiful. She says, "I don't know why I bothered to get dressed up, since this night isn't going to happen."
EJ says, "If Austin can't forgive you for what you have done then he doesn't deserve you." Sami says that's sweet of him but he wouldn't mean it if he knew what she had done.
EJ insists Austin will forgive her if she tells the truth, "I've made plenty of mistakes... one in particular. I should never have let her go. I feel if I had really fought for her maybe things would have worked out. That's why it's important that you fight for Austin."
"I'm all for that," says Sami, "I just have to find a way to make him understand."
Austin walks in. He says, "You look amazing. This is a night neither one of us will forget for all the Days Of Our Lives." EJ wonders if he should give them some time alone. Austin says no... the surprise is ready.
Sami blurts out, "Before we go I have to talk to you about something important and it's about Carrie."
Lexie meets Carrie and Lucas. She puts her best look of concern on and says, "I am so sorry."
Max wonders if Stephanie is talking about Chelsea and him. He says she's only acting this way because she is jealous of Stephanie, "Once you see who she really is, behind all those walls she has put up... you'll find a really despicable person."
The brat reads an article, "How to keep your man crazy for you." The subtitle is, "If he's dating you, he must already be crazy."
Abby offers to stay with Jack. Jennifer declines and says maybe Abby should go out and have some fun. Abby agrees and asks Jennifer to call if she needs her.
Abby leaves. Jennifer says, "Jack, our little girl is growing up. She still needs her daddy. Why isn't this medicine working? Are you going to give up?" She yawns, "Heavens, this show is even boring me."
"I saw that," says Frankie "It's time for a break." Jennifer says she should stay. Frankie talks her into leaving.
"Where are we going," asks Jennifer.
"Come with me and I'll show you," says Frankie. As they leave, Jack gives them a sideways glance.
Austin says he already knows about Carrie. She called and told him she and Lucas couldn't make it. EJ offers to leave them alone again. Austin says no. EJ insists on grabbing a bottle of champagne. He leaves.
Sami says there is something important to talk about. Austin drags her up to the roof without another word.
Up on the roof Sami wonders how Austin got all this done. He tells her Maggie and her staff helped. Sami wants to know what this is all about.
He tells her he wants to show her and their friends how much she means to him, "I have a much bigger surprise in store for you. This will all make sense afterwards." EJ hugs his bottle of champagne and watches.
"I don't know how to tell you this," says Dr. Slut, "There is no baby."
"I lost the baby," gasps Carrie.
"No," says Lexie, "You didn't lose it. You were never pregnant."
Carrie protests, "But the test was positive."
"Sometimes you get a false positive with a home pregnancy test. We doctors insist on that so you'll still need us to perform the expensive tests."
Carrie says, "But I haven't had a..."
Lexie cuts her off, "Don't you dare say that word on TV. That could be from the stress of getting married. Psycho shower scene music plays in the background, "You had a hysterical pregnancy."
Carrie follows that up with a hysterical fit. Ever-helpful Lucas says, "We'll try again."
Lexie prepares to drop the other bomb, "Actually, there is something else I need to discuss. Remember after the appendectomy we talked about the scar tissue?"
Carrie begs, "Lexie don't tell me I can't have children." Lexie stares.
Max tells Stephanie, "You're not the first person to wonder what I see in Chelsea, and you darn well won't be the last."
Stephanie says, "It's a known fact Max Brady has an eye for cute girls. So you're right. It really makes me wonder what you see in her. And that's girls... not just one. You have left a trail of broken hearts form Indianapolis to Daytona, not to mention broken cars. There must be more to her than meets the eye."
"There would have to be," says Max, "But she's working on the anorexia. She's complicated. She's not a bad person. She's a scared little girl inside."
"But you love her."
"Yeah," admits Max, "I love her. "There is something about her that makes me want to be a better person to make up for the fact she has no socially redeeming characteristics at all. I want to marry her someday. What about you?"
Stephanie says, "Actually, there is someone special in my life... or was."
Abby and the brat walk into Dune. Abby asks what her big plan is.
The brat looks around the room and spots some guy who has been freshly dipped in sleaze, "Hooking up with him. I'll make Max see he's got some serious competition."
Maggie comes into Jack's room. She tells him Jennifer is with Frankie, "I'll go get her."
"She's with Frankie," says Jack, "This should be their honeymoon."
Lexie apparently has helped Frankie cook up a secret rendezvous with Jennifer. Lexie is good at cooking up secret rendezvous. She has years of experience at it. Frankie takes Jennifer into a room where they can be alone. She thanks him for always taking care of her. "There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you," says Frankie, "I love you."
EJ backs off as Austin and Sami kiss. Austin tells her she will find out soon enough what is going on. He sees EJ and invites him over.
Austin leaves to open the champagne. "I take it you didn't tell," says EJ.
"I didn't have time," says Sami. Austin serves champagne. He says he forgot something downstairs. He leaves and promises to be right back.
Get your zappers, folks – here it comes. They go over the well-trodden ground they have already been over. Blah, blah, blah. Sami decides Austin won't go for Carrie because he would never break up a family. She promises to tell him as soon as he gets back. Pigs fly overhead.
Austin rummages through a bag and finds a ring box. He pockets it and looks at a picture of Carrie on his way out.
"I wish I didn't have to tell you this," says Lexie. Lucas asks if she is telling them Carrie can't get pregnant with all the IVF methods and drugs available. Lexie gives them the bad news, "Based on your hormone levels, your chances are less than 1%."
The brat says she had her fingers crossed when she promised Max she would only date him. Abby reels, "What! Are you in second grade? He's not losing interest in you. His racecar just got totaled. What is wrong with you?"
"I can't answer that," says the brat, "The show is only an hour long." But a big part of it is Stephanie Johnson. She wants him, Abby. He likes her too."
"Not like that," insists Abby.
"How could he not," asks the little snot, "She's gorgeous and she's a grease monkey. They could have grease monkey sex."
Abby says, "If you go through with this plan you will lose him for good."
"This article says you should get your man jealous," she says.
Abby yanks the magazine away. "You didn't read the side article. It also says it's the number one way to lose him. 'Play at your own risk.'"
The brat says, "It says it's effective if you know what you are doing. And I do." She takes out her phone and texts Max.
Max gets the message, "Chelsea is at dune and she wants to have a drink. Why don't you come along?"
Stephanie says, "If you're sure... all right I accept." Max texts Chelsea to let her know he's on his way.
The brat gets the message, "He's on his way. And when he gets here I'm gonna be prepared." She goes over to the sleazer at the bar.
Jennifer tells Frankie his patience and kindness mean a lot to her. They are newlyweds and haven't had any time together, "I have been selfish by staying with Jack. So many husbands, so little time. Are you going to wait forever?"
"I know you love him," says Frankie, "I knew it when I married you." Kiss.
The brat turns on what little charm she has, "Something tells me you would be a very good dancer among other things."
"Likewise," says the sleazer as oil drips.
Abby pulls Chelsea away and tells her she is self-destructing, "Why are you trying to pick up a complete stranger?"
"He's not a stranger," says the brat as she turns around, "I'm sorry, what is your name again?"
She turns back to Abby, "He's Dax. With a D."
Mr. Creep chimes in, "I have a question. Can you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue?"
"Now there's a pickup line you don't hear every day," says the brat, "No... Why don't you show me how." Creepo sticks a cherry stem in his mouth and goes through a series of mouth machinations reminiscent of a camel about to hurl. He sticks his tongue out revealing a cherry stem with a perfect half-hitch.
Chelsea is wwaayy impressed, "Yyyaaayyy! You did it." They kiss as Max and Stephanie walk in.
Maggie thought it might cheer Jack up to look at pictures of JJ. She shows him the pictures in an album, but suddenly pulls away. Jack wants to know what she didn't want him to see. He says if it was a picture of Frankie and Jen it's OK. She shows him. "Very nice says Jack. She looks happy. I'm happy for them. Especially Jennifer. It looks like she's fallen in love. That's what I wanted."
Frankie and Jennifer kiss. Frankie pulls away, "We shouldn't do this."
Jennifer says, "I need to do this... please." They dive in for more.
The hormonally-challenged Carrie bawls. Lucas tries to cheer her up, "We have Will, and we can adopt. The important thing is we have each other." The chump's phone rings. It's the contractor. She tells him to take it. He leaves.
Carrie breaks down. She can't believe this is happening. Lexie tries to comfort her. She says this won't change the fact Lucas loves her.
"It changes everything," bawls Carrie, "Except the fact that Lucas is a spineless idiot."
Lexie asks, "You mean you wouldn't have married him if you weren't pregnant?"
"I accepted before I knew I was pregnant," says Carrie, "But when I started having second thoughts, it was because of the baby that I decided to go through with it. What have I done?"
EJ says he will leave when Austin comes back. Sami says she needs him for moral support. Austin comes back with the ring. He takes a knee, "I know I already proposed but I want to make it official. There was one thing missing – a token of my love and commitment. Once I give it to you, only the love and commitment will be missing. Samantha Jean Gene Brady, will you be my wife?"
Sami doesn't hesitate, "No, Austin. I would love to, but I can't." Pan in on the shocked Austin. There goes dinner.
Hope says to Bo, "Prove to me you didn't tamper with the evidence that kept Chelsea out of jail. Maybe we can work on rebuilding our marriage."
Mimi tells Patrick, "Shawn is Claire's biological father."
Billie asks Austin, "You may be cooking dinner for Sami but you're thinking about Carrie, aren't you?"
EJ tells Sami, "You've been through this with Austin before. You can go through it again. If it doesn't work out, you know there's going to be a whole line of men to take you out."