Friday, June 16, 2006

I'm Doing It For The Bird

Max brings the brat an iced coffee and tells her to chug it. The brat says, "Beer and coffee don't mix. Sounds like someone's trying to cool me off. That's OK, I saw a hot guy on the way in."

Lucas, Carrie and Austin walk down the street together. Carrie rambles about having a crush on Frankie when she was about 12. Lucas thinks the party was a little tense tonight what with Bo and Hope's problems and Abby not being on board with the wedding, "At least Sami didn't show up and make it a total freak show." He hesitates and apologizes to Austin. Austin tells him to cut Sami some slack. Helpful Lucas wonders where Sami is now.

Austin says, "She probably went home after the photo shoot." He picks up his phone to give her a call. No answer, "I wonder where she is."

...She's having the time of her life and she and EJ tango. Sami can't believe they won. She says she was nervous. EJ says he didn't notice. More dancing and hot stares.

Jennifer answers the doorbell. It's Frankie with flowers. Jennifer panics. She can't see him before the wedding.

Patch tucks Jack in. Jack thinks they shouldn't have stopped. Patch thinks he needs the rest even through they are only thirty miles outside of Salem. As Jack sleeps Patch goes through his wallet and looks at the wedding picture.

Lexie and Tek go at it. Mmmmmm-moan-ohhhhh! They hear the door open. Abe walks in and turns on the light. BUSTED! Abe goes berserk. Lexie screams and blubbers and tries to stop him from becoming completely unhinged. Too late.

Abe screams at Tek, "You are a dead man!" He slugs Tek as Lexie bawls.

Hope asks her mystery kidnapper, "Who are you?" He sits her down and removes her blindfold. Hope twirls away and gets the gun lying on the table. She points the gun at her assailant and says, "OMG, it's you." BO!

Max tells the brat to try to turn her life around. She says she isn't going to apologize. She has dreaded community service to perform. Without a car – how will she ever survive? She asks if he even still enjoys hanging out with her. She is tired of him telling her she makes bad choices, "I am so sick and tired of you. I am what I am and that's all that I am."

Max asks, "Popeye the Sailor Man? "

"Just leave me alone," says the brat. She runs off.

Austin thinks Sami should have been there by now. The crowd cheers in the background. Austin says, "Maybe she is taking a bubble bath." Lucas says he thinks Austin is acting like a fool.

More dancing. Oh, the passion!

Hope can't believe it. Bo says, "Oh, come on, you're an old hat at this kidnapping thing."

"Not that," says Hope, "I can't believe you sobered up so fast. I coulda killed you."

"You never would have shot an unarmed man," he says.

Hope starts to leave. Tricky old Bo smiles.

The brawl continues in the den of sin. Tek flies across the room. Lexie hops on Abe and rides him around the room as he rages, "I can't believe this! How could you do this to me?" Abe and Tek tear each other and the motel room apart fighting. Lexie squeals and blubbers. Abe screams, "I'm gonna take out my gun and shoot you where you deserve it!"

Abe bucks Lexie off and yells, "When did you start this, when I was dead or blind and dependent on you and felt guilty for tying you down? You told me my coming back was the greatest miracle of your life."

"It was, Abe," bawls Dr. Slut.

Frankie doesn't care if it's bad luck; he wanted to see Jennifer before the wedding. She opens the door. "It's not past midnight anyway," he says. She lets him in. He greets Kayla. She goes to put the flowers in water and gives them time alone.

"By this time tomorrow we will be married," says Frankie.

"Jack will be watching over us," says Jennifer, "In more ways than we can imagine. I've been thinking about him so much."

"So have I," says Frankie, "I'll never forget it. If wasn't for him..."

"He's going to be happy for us," says Jennifer.

"How can any of this be real," asks PatchNickSteve, "If Jack is right this beautiful woman is my wife."

Kayla sets the flowers down and remembers her wedding, "I want to move on with my life but no matter how hard I try I just can't."

Abby reads a teen magazine. The brat rushes in and tells her about the fight with Max. Abby says Max is being so hard on her because he cares. "She's right you know," says Max perched outside the window beside them.

Sami didn't know the tango would be so easy. EJ tells her the tango is not just dance steps – it's about passion. They get passionate as Lucas, Carrie and Austin walk up. Sami sees them and loses concentration. EJ swoops up and bumps her. Sami does a dying swan into the river and EJ dives in after her." The crowd rushes up to the river's edge to watch the show.

Hope is furious. Bo took the spark plugs out of the boat. He thought maybe she was going to swim away. Bo tells her to have a seat. He wants to talk and save their marriage. Even though Hope already signed the divorce papers, he thinks it's worth a try. He tells her the only reason he covered for Chelsea was that Hope was devastated. He admits he should have said something when Billie took the blame. He's sorry things snowballed.

Hope said she sent the divorce email in anger, "Every step of the way, you failed me."

"That's why we're here," says Bo, "To see if you can give me another chance. Can we start over?"

"No," says Hope, "I'm sorry. I can't."

Dr. Tramp wails, "It didn't start when I thought you were dead. It started after you came back from the island."

"I knew it," yells Abe, "I felt guilty for even thinking it. Tek, I was your mentor. How could you do something so despicable to my family and me? I should have known my wife couldn't change." He turns his wrath on Lexie, "You've never been satisfied with me. There was Jonah, and then my son Brandon and now him. OMG couldn't you at least find someone who wasn't a family member or friend?"

Dr. Slut says, "We got close when I thought you were dead."

"I gave you an out," screams Abe, "I told you to divorce me. What, did you want – to torture me?"

"I stayed because I love you," says Lexie.

Abe rants, "He knows all about our sex life doesn't he? I thought you were the most patient wife. And I was so grateful to you. DAMN YOU! DAMN BOTH OF YOU!"

Tek gets up and starts to say something. Abe gives him some advice, "If you value your life, you will keep your damn lying mouth shut."

Lexie swears she was ending it. "Yeah," says Abe, "But you had to have just one more time. It's a good thing I got that note!"

Lexie asks, "Waitaminute... somebody told you about us?"

Max asks if he can come in, "There is a little bird out here that wants me to get my foot out of its nest."

The brat says, "Yes... but I'm doing it for the bird."

Abby leaves. Max tells her he likes her a lot and wonders if they want to take their relationship to the next level. The brat asks, "You want to have sex with me now?"

Frankie doesn't know how Jack could be so unselfish. Jack knew Frankie loved her. That's why he wanted them together.

Delirious Jack calls for Jennifer. Patch mops his brow. He hopes Jack can make it home before it's too late.

EJ pulls Sami out of the river. Sami thinks this happened because of her bad karma. "What has upset you," asks EJ.

Lucas butts in, "She's afraid her fiancée will see what's going on."

Sami whines, "Austin, I can explain."

Lucas is enjoying this, "We've heard that before."

Bo and Hope go round and round. Bo insists he didn't tamper with the evidence, "If you believe I'd do something like that, then you are right... our marriage is over."

Abe shows Lexie the letter he got from The Hand. She reads it, "I don't believe this. Can we just talk about this?"

Abe is on the edge, "Talk? You wanna talk? The time for talking is over. We're through! Our marriage is over!"

Dr. Ho begs, "No Abe." She hugs him. He pushes her away as she wails.

The brat pulls Max into bed. "That's not what I meant," says Max, "There are some times I don't respect you."

"Thanks."

Max goes on, "I don't think you respect yourself sometimes. I want to help you change that. Maybe we could be like boyfriend and girlfriend or something. Not seeing anyone else. Just you and me. And my groupies. Let's get to know each other."

"I don't know what to say."

Abby comes from out of nowhere, "Are you out of your mind? Say yes."

Jennifer chases Frankie out. He struggles and gets one last kiss. She shuts the door and stares at a picture of her and Jack.

Jack wakes up, "Time to get back on the road."

"Not yet," says Patch. Jack sees the wallet. He tells Steve he can keep the picture. Patch doesn't remember anything. He just liked looking at the picture.

"As soon as you see her you will remember everything," says Jack.

Jennifer goes outside with Kayla. Jennifer thinks it's great she has a second shot at love. She would love that for Kayla. Kayla decides to go call Hope to make sure she got home OK.

Jennifer says, "Oh Jack, I know you wanted me to find happiness with Frankie and I have. Before I walk down that aisle tomorrow I need to ask for your blessing."

Sami tries to explain. Austin tries to understand. EJ chimes in. Excuses, explanations, blah, blah, blah.

Lucas is almost giddy, "You lost track of your steps because you thought Austin would catch you cheating."

Sami snaps back, "I'm not a cheater. You know that."

Austin says this doesn't threaten him. He chuckles, "Only you could win a tango contest then fall into the river." He asks her to dance.

She protests, "I'm dripping wet."

"That will just make it sexier," says Austin. They hit the dance floor.

EJ watches and says, "He really does know how to tango."

Carrie says, "They're good."

"You mean she's good," says Lucas.

Jack calls out for Jennifer. Patch checks him. He takes another look at the picture and says, "If I did love you, how the hell did I ever leave you behind."

Kayla leaves a message for Hope. She punches in another number, "Jo, hi. It's me – Kayla. I hope it's not too late, but I just wanted you to know I'm in Salem. Stephanie couldn't come – she had to work. I'm OK, I just... being back in Salem is overwhelming. I just miss Steve so much."

Jennifer tells the Big Jack In The Sky she knows this is what he wanted but she has a favor, "Will you give me away tomorrow?" A shooting star whisks across the sky. Jennifer will take that as a yes, "Thank you Jack."

Dr. Cheat begs. Abe rages, "You can cry all you want but you can kiss our marriage and son goodbye. I'll make sure you get everything you deserve. And as for you, Tek, the only investigations you will be on are at the mall as a night watchman. Good luck to both of you. You're gonna need it."

Lexie screams as Abe leaves. Tek tries to calm her down. "I know who did this," says Lexie, "Sami. That bitch will pay!" The hand lurks outside.

Bo says, "If you want a divorce, I won't fight you. Here are the spark plugs – you take the boat. I don't want you to go but you leave me no choice. If there is no trust, then there is no marriage." He opens the door, "Goodbye."

Hope picks up her things and storms out. Bo makes things all better by flinging a plant across the room. FF Bo.

Prevuze

Previews
========

Bo asks, "What are you doing here? Why did you sleep in the chair outside?" Hope says, "I just couldn't leave you."

Austin tells Carrie, "I really think that her trouble making days are behind us." Flash to Sami and EJ smiling at each other.

Patch and Jack are on the road again. Jack holds his cell phone and says, "Dammit, the line is still busy." Steve says, "Looks like everybody is gonna have to be surprised, huh?"

Jennifer the bride stands ready to go into the sanctuary, "Wish me luck, Jack."

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another LOL episode with Jackson's "other glove" and the brat as Popeye.

But it was the Dr. Slut/Tramp/Ho/Cheat litany that really got me.

I did like Hope's technique in getting Bo to help out around the house. HAHAHAHA

5:06 AM  

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