Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Elite And Discreet

Shawn is happy! Mimi thanks him for the party at the park, "You make me so happy."

"Yeah," says Shawn, "We'll see if you say that after ten years of marriage." He meant to say ten minutes.

They smooch and say goodbye as they get ready to spend their last night apart. Mimi flashes back to the confessional. Oh, the guilt! Shawn asks if she is OK. Mimi stares.

Belle gives Phillip last minute instructions before she leaves and goes clear across the hall and spends the night with the bride to be. Phillip tells her he thinks he can handle it.

Patrick asks Hope if she is feeling better. She says some, but her back still hurts a bit. He wants to take her to the clinic but she refuses. "I think I have an idea of something that will make you feel better," says Patrick.

"What?"

"You're just going to have to trust me."

Billie flashes back to her argument with the brat and thinks, "Bo and Hope belong together. Even if I would have fought for him, I wouldn't have won." Doorbell. Bo. "What are you doing here," asks Billie.

"I'm sorry," says Bo.

Tek and Lexie hit the rockin' joint. Jada greets them and wants to know where Tek rounded this one up. Tek tells her she is just an old friend. "Girl," she says, "Does your husband know you are here with Salem's sexiest bachelor."

"I'm with Tek," says Lexie, "Did you say sexiest or sleaziest?"

And... the fearsome foursome is there to check out the new nightclub.

The phone awakens Marlena, "Hello... Do you know what time it is? If you're calling about Lois Banks, you'll have to talk to Alex North. I'll get him for you."

Meanwhile, at Lois' cabin Alex sets things up to burn, baby burn. As he leaves he bumps into John and Abe outside. "What the hell are you doing here," snarls John.

"I'll ask you two the same question," says Alex.

Patrick has Hope in a pool. Of course, like the flower, there is a native story about the sea surrounding the island. The natives think it comes alive at night. The natives also chew peyote like it was Juicy Fruit, so take it with a grain of salt.

Bo says he lost his cool with the brat and shouldn't have left Billie to deal with her on her own. Billie assures him she is as frustrated with the little snot as he is. Bo asks her forgiveness for taking his frustrations out on her.

Tek tells Lexie Jada was just joking. Jada says, "That's true. Around here, we are elite and discreet. You just let your hair down. You are a lucky lady. Tek here is every girl's fantasy."

The frail and delicate Miss Carrie swoons. They ask her if she is OK. Of course she is OK. She just needs a glass of water. Sami soaks it in and thinks, "Playing both guys by pretending to be sick? I'm going to make sure it doesn't work."

Some guy bumps into Chelsea there and offers to buy her a drink.

Lucas goes to get Carrie some water.

Eugenia shows up. Jada greets her. Eugenia sees Sami and points her out. "So that's Sami Brady," says Jada, "Scandal-a-minute chick. And who is that handsome guy with her?"

"My boss," says Eugenia.

Max steps up to the bar and orders a beer.

Shawn wants to know what is wrong with Mimi. "It's only an hour long show," says Mimi, "but mainly, I'm just a nervous bride-to-be."

Shawn is nervous, too, "But I can't wait to make you my bride so we can spend all the Days Of Our Lives together."

Phillip wants to know what is wrong with Belle. Again,it's only an hour show, but Belle flashes back to her conversation with Shawn. She can't keep hiding her feelings for him. Belle starts to come clean, but, as usual, Kirinac the Great stops her because he knows, "Oh, you just don't think you can spend the night without Claire. Are you suggesting Brainiac and Kirinac can't handle things?"

"No, I'm just going to miss her." Smooch. Shawn and Mimi show up and interrupt the tender moment. Mimi hopes Phillip doesn't have anything too wild planned for Shawn. Yeah, babysitting. That'll be a hot bachelor party if there ever was one. They're going to watch movies. Mimi asks if they have one she and Belle can borrow. Phillip takes her over to show her the selection leaving Belle and Shawn alone.

Belle doesn't waste a second, "Meet me on the roof." Come on Shawn, do it one last time and chuck her off of it. Shucks. Shawn refuses. Mimi comes back with the movie. Shawn tells her it's the last night anyone will keep them apart. Translation: doomed.

Outside, Mimi asks, "Belle, what's wrong?"

Belle speaks the truth, "Everything."

Marlena apologizes to the mystery caller. "I'm sorry, he isn't here. Can I take a message? ...He and I have spoken about Lois Banks and he would like to have her buried in her own clothes... I'll try to reach him on his cell phone and call you back."

Woozy Marlena struggles to dial.

"You're the one who's going to be answering our questions this time around," says John.

Alex' cell phone rings. Abe wonders if it isn't a little late to be getting a call. Alex checks and tells him it's a former patient, not that it's any of his business.

"Why aren't you answering it," asks John.

"It wasn't an emergency."

"How do you know that," asks Abe.

Alex says, "If you really must know..."

Macho John interrupts, "Enough with the lies. What the hell are you doing here?"

Marlena doesn't get an answer. She figures Alex has his cell phone turned off and decides to go to Lois' cabin herself.

The healing waters feel wonderful, but Hope wonders how they are supposed to cure her aching back. Patrick says, "Well, this is the beach where the man found his wife. According to the legend these waters have healing properties. That's why when she washed ashore the woman was still alive. These waters can heal not just your back, but your heart, too." Hope is skeptical. Patrick administers the special healing water treatment.

"OMG," says Hope, "What's happening?"

Billie won't forgive Bo, "Because there is nothing to forgive." A little gunshot wound here and there, but, who's keeping score? "Better than to run off and cool off rather than stay and get frustrated, and slap her around like I did.

"Aww, Billie," says Bo, "And I wasn't there to see it."

Billie tells him she told the brat Bo won't testify on her behalf because Hope doesn't want him to. "I should talk to her about that," says Bo.

Billie goes to get the little snot. She rushes back out and says, "Bo, she's gone!"

The snot asks her new boyfriend to tell her about himself. His cell phone rings, "To be continued after I take this call. You stay put. I'll get us some more drinks."

"Don't keep me waiting too long," says the brat. The boyfriend leaves and our hero Max comes up and asks, "Are you crazy or just stupid?"

"Yes."

"What the hell are you doing here?" The brat stares.

Lexie can't believe she let Tek talk her into coming to this place. Hot kiss. "I know you're a good person," says Tek, "I know you want to be faithful to your husband... but what do you want?"

The dazzling lights swirl as Austin and Carrie dance. He asks, "So have you had enough time to think about what I said?"

Sami and Lucas watch. Sami isn't having a good time, "I didn't exactly come here to watch Austin make a play for my sister. And don't tell me you like it either."

Lucas goes for a glass of cold water. He bumps into Eugenia. He asks her what's up. Eugenia says, "I know you're my boss and I am your lowly assistant, but I have something to say and I think you better listen."

"Start talking, North," growls John. Alex remembers being in the cabin and telling Lois he hopes she doesn't have any incriminating love letters lying around the cabin. Alex tells John Lois has made him the executor of her will. He shows him the official paperwork.

Abe wants to know why Lois would have done that. "Marlena and I were just as shocked about that as you were," says Alex.

"Damn, you're good," says John.

"Why do you say that," asks Alex.

"Don't tell me you don't remember our little conversation in the morgue," says John. Alex insists the conversation never took place.

John shoves the paperwork back at him, "You are a monster."

Marlena comes up to the cabin door undetected by the super-sleuths out front. She goes inside and calls for Alex. Pan to the deadly incinerator.

Lexie is disgusted with herself for cheating on Abe. Not disgusted enough to stop, though. Tek says Abe is only half a man.

"Tek, you shouldn't be saying that about him," says Lexie.

He talks her into dancing. As they get up to go to the dance floor, Lexie sees the place is full of people she knows and beats a hasty retreat back to their private room. She lays into Tek, "I thought you said no one we knew would come here. You set me up!" Tek stares.

Austin pours out his undying love for Carrie, "I need you in my life. I lost you once and I'm not gonna let it happen again."

The delicate Miss Carrie swoons again, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"

Sami watches and stews.

Eugenia wants to know what Lucas is doing there with Sami.

"I'm here with Carrie, I'll have you know," says Lucas.

"From where I stand," says Eugenia, "It looks like she is here with Austin."

Max reminds the little snot of what happened the last time she hit on a guy to get him to buy her a drink. "I'm not hitting on anybody. I'm kind of letting Derrick hit on me," she says.

High tech Derrick watches on his PDA. The bartender brings a drink and asks if he should keep a tab open. "Nah," says Derrick, "This should do it." The bartender walks away and Derrick spikes the drink.

Max gives up on the brat, "If you want to ruin your life – fine." He walks away.

Derrick comes back and asks who that was. "Nobody important," says the brat, as she takes a big gulp of her Mickey Finn.

Magical lights surround Hope. Patrick tells her it's a school of lantern fish. And you'll never guess, the natives have a legend about them. The light from the lantern fish made the woman visible so the man could see her when she washed on shore. How the fish themselves got up on shore is another story, but they are now working their magic on Hope. He encourages her to go back to Bo.

"I want to," says Hope.

"Then do it," says Patrick, "What's stopping you?" Hope looks away.

Bo and Billie are calling everyone they know in Salem to try to find the brat. Bo gets a call, "Max... have you seen Chelsea tonight?"

"Yeah," says Max, "And I'm afraid I've got some bad news. She's still alive."

Shawn's rockin' bachelor party is in full swing. After two beers, Shawn and Phillip are passed out. Claire cries. Shawn wakes up gets formula out of the fridge. Then he sits down at the desk and contemplates a picture of Belle and Claire.

Belle sleeps on the couch. Mimi turns off the movie and says it was great. She looks over at Belle who says, "Shawn... I have to stop the wedding." Mimi puts on her Satan-face.


Marlena wanders around the doomed cabin.

Alex insists he has nothing to hide. The super cops decide to look around as John vows again, "I'm gonna nail that bastard if it's the last thing I do." John must have a long list of last things to do.

As they go off, Alex says to himself, "Go ahead, John, look around. You may find something explosive. MWAHAHAHAHA! "

Inside, Marlena looks at a picture of herself, Alex and Lois. Since Alex isn't there, she figures it's up to her to find something for Lois to be buried in. Marlena goes upstairs. The incinerator burns.

Hope isn't ready to face Bo. She appreciates everything Patrick has done for her and doesn't want to seem ungrateful. The lantern fish glow. Patrick says they're going back out to sea and they have to make a wish before they go. "There's no point," says Hope, "My wish isn't going to come true. DOOL has been renewed for another season."

Max tells Bo where the brat is, "Maybe I'm overreacting, but the guy she is with looks like a real creep."

"Say no more," says Super Dad, "I'm on my way."

Tek insists he didn't know these people would be here. Lexie hangs her head in shame. Tek asks, "Lexie, don't you know I would never do anything to hurt you?" Kiss.

"Wow," says the brat, "This drink is really strong. I like strong." She takes his arm as he looks at his PDA. He suggests they go somewhere more romantic.

"Sounds good to me," says the snot.

Lucas tells Eugenia he's going to cut in on Austin and Carrie. Eugenia says, "It was time five minutes ago – go!"

Carrie faints in Austin's arms as Sami and Lucas walk up.

Belle talks in her sleep, "Shawn... Don't marry Mimi." Mimi stands above her and frets.

Shawn feeds Claire and tells her he hopes one day to have a girl just as beautiful as she is.

Mimi picks up the phone and dials, "Hi... I know it's late, but we've got big trouble."

Marlena packs Lois' clothes. John and Alex wonder what's up. Alex thinks, "Marlena, what are you doing here? You can't die yet!" Triple frame on John and Abe, Alex, Marlena, as the cabin blows up.


Previews
========

Sami screams at John, "You promised to protect her and yet you never do. It is all your fault, John."

Lucas stares down at an unconscious Carrie and says, "You deserve to have a wonderful life. I just hope I am the man who will give it to you."

Billie says to Bo, "Please don't throw your daughter's life away. You have already lost one child. If Chelsea goes to jail, you will lose her too."

Patrick plants a big kiss on Hope.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the Robert Young commericial, he's not a doctor but he plays one on TV. Oh I can see miles of spoofs from this one. See him as
Marcus Welby MD,
no-- Lexie Sick-Be MD, whatever.
See him in Father Knows Best. Giving parenting advice to Salem. Or Marlena/Belle as "Mother Knows Best" yeah right. Or Kirinac as Father Knows Best.
the possibilities are endless.
Looking forward to seeing everyone take this and run with it! (in fact I bet more spoofs have been posted already)

6:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh and another one, he could point out to Abe that there's an *ahem* pill for sale these days that might help him with dysfunction.

wonder if there's a pill that would help Salem with all of its dysfunctional families, or the writers.....

6:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There have been several characters that have been pushed -- or have fallen -- off roofs in Salem, and none of them have ever died. Better off sending Belle out for a walk and then giving Chelsea car keys.
But yeah, I'd like to push Belle off a roof, too. LOL

7:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kindly ole Doc Welby talking about DOOL making folks "barf like a firehose" was a classic. Loved it!

Too bad the DOOL writers aren't "chewing peyote like Juicy Fruit". We might actually get some clever, nay, interesting storylines. I keep checking my tape at night to be sure I'm seeing today's episode and not re-watching one from the day before and the day before and....you get my drift.

9:50 AM  

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