Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Bara Couda

Chloe tells Brady, “I’ve made up my mind. I can’t marry you looking like this.” She pauses a moment, “Well, maybe I can. Or not. Or maybe I can. Or maybe I can’t. Or maybe I can. Or maybe I can’t. Or maybe I can. Or maybe I can’t.” OH, PUT A FREAKIN’ SOCK IN IT!! AAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!

"It is not very easy
As you will soon find
For a mind maker - upper
To make up her mind."
-Dr. Seuss

Sami gets a call from Tony telling her he needs to meet with her right away. Sami agrees. Tony sits in jail thinking things are going much better than he had planned.

Abby tells Chelsea, “Billie’s been like a mother to you ever since your parents died.”

Chelsea yells, “That bitch never could be my mother.”

Brady and Chloe keep going over and over the same thing, “Chloe, I love you. I want to marry you. I can’t live without you. When I thought I had lost you, you were all I could think about. I couldn’t even function. Now that you’re back, you’re not going to do that to me again, are you?”

“No,” she says, “Of course not. I love you and the last thing I would want to do is to hurt you.”

“Then,” says Brady, “Make me the happiest man in the entire world and marry me. It’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“So the wedding is on,” he asks.

She nods, “Yeah, the wedding is on.” Followed by the long trip far, far away, we hope.

Stand By Me plays in the background. Jennifer wonders who is playing it. Jack boogies in with a stack of LP’s from the middle ages. He says, “The master DJ Jammin’ Jack Devereaux, spinnin’ the platters that made history.”

“OK,” says Jennifer, “Why are you playing that song?”

“Because,” says Jack, “It’s your favorite, and when it comes to musical memories, this is as good as it gets.”

Jennifer asks, “Is that why you brought us here? To listen to music?”

“No,” says Jack, “We’re here to work. This is St. Luke’s annual charity dance. We’re here to help set up and then oversee the festivities later. Unfortunately I had a sudden business meeting come up so I won’t be here later to dance the night away with my lovely wife.”

“What kind of a business meeting,” asks Jennifer.

“It’s top-secret,” he lies, “But, trust me, if this thing goes through it will lead to great things. And speaking of great things, Frankie, I was hoping you could help oversee things with Jennifer and dance the night away with her when I’m gone.”

“Sure, Jack.”

Jennifer says, “Jack, volunteering me is one thing, but you know Frankie’s leaving town.”

Jack flashes back to his conversation with Frankie and says, “No, Frankie is not going anywhere.”

Frankie confirms it, “No, I’m staying in Salem.”

Jennifer tells Frankie, “I think it’s wonderful you’re staying in town but I have a pretty good idea of what changed your mind.” She turns to Jack, “And you should be ashamed of yourself.”

Jack and Frankie stare.

“Don’t you ever mention Billie and my mother in the same breath again,” Says Chelsea, “My mother and dad were wonderful. They even hid all their money problems from me so I wouldn’t worry. If Billie thinks she can take my mother’s place she’s crazier than I thought.”

Abby says, “Billie has been good to you. She saved your life with the transfusion. She even gave you a place to live.”

“No,” says Chelsea, “Patrick did that. I’m going to get him to kick her out and Billie will be a memory. Then I'll have Patrick all to myself.”

Billie smiles, “This is it. We finally found Georgia.”

Bo whoas her up, “Don’t get ahead of yourself. Mickey said there is no proof Chelsea was adopted by the Bensons.”

Billie says, “You’re having second thoughts, aren’t you? You think it’s going to be too complicated to add her to your family. Why haven’t you called Hope to tell her the good news?”

Sami is dressed in a business suit and brunette wig. “I can’t believe I let Tony talk me into this. I just hope my dad or someone else who knows me doesn’t see me or they will think I am working for Tony. God, don’t even say that, Sami.”

Detective Adams asks, “Can I help you?”

Sami gives him her deep attorney voice, “I am here to see my client, Tony DiMera. Where is my client? I want to know where you are keeping him and I want to know now.”

“You look familiar,” says the detective.

“Well, says Sami, you’ve probably seen me on Court TV, but I am not signing autographs today. Now, WHERE IS MY CLIENT?!”

“DiMera said somebody was coming down,” he says.

She corrects him, “Count DiMera. Now, where is my client?”

Detective Adams says, “Take Miss...???”

Sami bellows, “I need a new publicist? Couda. Barbara Couda. But you may call me Bara.”

Detective Adams says, “Take Miss Couda to the interrogation room.”

On the way Kate passes the group and gives Sami a look. She thinks about it, then says, “No.”

Kate asks for Roman. Detective Adams says he is out on a case. Kate says she wanted to surprise him. She asks if she can go into his office to leave him an email. Detective Adams lets her go inside. In the office, Kate says, “I know Sami is involved with Tony. With everything she has done in this town, there has to be an active file on her.” Kate sits at the computer.

Lucas comes in. Detective Adams tells him his mother is in Roman’s office.

Lucas says, “Is she...”

“Yeah,” says the detective, “I’ll buzz her.”

Lucas thinks about it, “I’d rather surprise her.” He walks into the office and asks, “What are you doing?”

“Honey, I...”

“Don't honey me,” says Lucas, “Accessing confidential police records? What’re you trying to gain dirt on Sami again? You’re not going to quit are you?”

“No,” says Kate, “I’m not going to quit until I prove Sami is no good for you and her file is as big as a phone book.” Lucas rolls his eyes.

The guard escorts Sami into Tony’s cell. Tony says, “Look at you Samantha, you really are a mistress of disguise, and assuming the role of my attorney, brilliant, because now they can't listen in on us. The only person the authorities want as bad as me is our mutual friend Stan. If I make a deal with them and tell them who this traitorous felon really is, you realize your pathetic excuse for a life will be finished for good.”

Sami says, “You manipulated that whole thing.”

Tony reminds her, “You had free will.”

Sami gets to the point, “What do you want?”

“Nothing much, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” He leans toward her and whispers, “Simply, that you help me escape.”

Jennifer accuses Jack of twisting Frankie’s arm to make him stay. Frankie defends Jack and says this is Frankie’s family’s favorite charity. He’s staying. Jack babbles about setting up, “The two of you take a magical trip down memory lane and nothing will stop you.”

“What are you doing,” asks Brady.

Chloe says, “I’m making a list for the wedding.”

Brady asks, “Why is Sami on here? We hate each other.” Tell us how you really feel about her.

Chloe suggests, “Maybe this could change things. I don't' have a lot of family here, so I just put her on the list.”

Brady says, “Not even Sami Brady can ruin our wedding. You know, I love you with or without those scars.” Yeah, remind her, idiot.

Chloe whines, “I just wish I knew if this treatment was working.”

Brady reminds her, “Dr. Travis told you to keep the bandages on for now. I gotta go get dressed.”

Of course, the nutcase removes the bandages. She looks in the mirror and bawls. Oh the angst.

Bo tells Billie he left a message for Hope.

Billie says, “It won’t be easy for her to have our daughter in our lives. She said she was all for it before, but then it was hypothetical. Now it’s real and it will be a big adjustment.

Bo says, “If Chelsea is our daughter, I’m moving her out of Lockhart’s house. I don’t want her lip-locking with him again or worse, getting in bed with him.”

Billie announces, “I don’t want Chelsea involved with Patrick either, because I am. Patrick and I are dating. If things go well he could be a big part of my life and Chelsea’s.” I’m sure that’s the best news Bo has had all day.

Abby says, “You can’t have sex with Max just to make Patrick jealous.”

“We were all set to do it,” says Chelsea, “Then big hot racecar driver said he wanted to get to know me.”

Abby says, “I have a date tonight.”

Chelsea asks, “With whom?”

“Come on,” says Abby.

Chelsea asks, “Where?”

“To help me get ready for my date.”

Kate makes a feeble attempt to recover, “I was just trying to leave a message for Roman.”

Lucas doesn’t buy it. He goes over to the computer, hits a couple of keys and says, “There, all your work is deleted.” Hope he left the police files alone, though.

“Lucas I am your mother...”

“That’s a biological accident,” he says.

Kate shouts, “I tell you there is something going on between Sami and Tony.”

Lucas says, “Oh, yeah, just like there was something going on between Sami and Brandon?”

Kate begs, “Lucas, please don’t say anything to Roman.”

“What,” he asks, “You mean about Sami? She’s innocent.”

Kate says, “She’s conning you and everyone else.”

“Thank goodness she’s at the florist right now,” says Lucas.

Kate asks him, “What are you doing here?”

Lucas says, “I came to talk to Tony. Maybe I can find out what he and Stan were up to.” Gee, I thought a simple, “None of your business,” would have been sufficient.”

Tony tells Sami, “You don’t want everyone to find out all the crimes you committed as Stan the man. Now you listen to me and do exactly as I say...”

Lucas tries to get in to see Tony.

The guard says no. Lucas says he will wait until Tony is done meeting with his attorney and try again. Sami comes out. She and Lucas nearly collide.

Instead, Sami bumps into Kate. Kate recognizes her. Probably because she is wearing the same pair of glasses Kate wore when she was the maid at the airport hotel. Kate screams, “Lucas! Lucas, come back here, Lucas!”

Brady tries to console Chloe. Chloe snivels, “I’m not getting married looking like a monster I won’t!”

Brady says, “Chloe I love YOU, not your face or your voice or the big toe on your left foot. I love YOU.” Well at least her big toe isn’t an infernal whining ninny. “I wish you could see yourself the way I do. Close your eyes. Trust me. He kisses her. He sweeps her off her feet. Onto the bed.”

Frankie tells Jack his plan won’t work,
Jennifer is your wife. She is in love with YOU.

Jack tells Frankie, “There is no happily ever after. Do you want the rest of Jennifer’s life ruined? Do you want her to fall victim to Lockhart or DiMera or worse? Just rekindle things tonight.” He leaves.

Jennifer asks Frankie what is going on, “How did Jack twist your arm to stay in Salem?”

Chelsea and Abby come in. Chelsea asks, “You’re meeting your mystery man at a church?” Jack comes out and tells the girls he is glad they are there. Chelsea says, “Don’t tell me he your big date is with your father?” Jack comes back out and asks them to help.

Chelsea says, “You told me you were getting ready for a date.”

“Yes,” says Abby, “Josh called me before. It was cute. He was kind of nervous, but I asked him to the dance.”

“Josh,” asks Chelsea, “You mean the geek.”

“He’s not a geek.”

Chelsea says, “Well, I Hope everything works your for you and geek-boy. I mean Josh. Then you’ll be too busy and will stay out of my love life. I just need to get Billie Reed out of my way and Patrick will be mine.”

Abby tells Chelsea, “I know you think I don't know what I’m doing, but you haven’t had much experience either. I mean, if you really like a guy, you can’t just throw your body at him. You’ve got to get to know him. You know, get some coffee, go to a dance, talk.” That’s what guys want, coffee and conversation.

“Yeah,” says Chelsea, “if your guy is an adolescent geek, maybe. But if your guy is a real man you have to deliver the goods, which is exactly what I am going to do with Patrick tonight.” Abby rolls her eyes.

Jack puts on a record. “Come on, Frankie,” he says to himself, “It’s time to turn on the old Brady magic.”

Frankie goes up to Jennifer and says, “Jack had nothing to do with my staying. It was all my idea. And I’d be happy to fill in for Jack this evening.”

“Are you sure,” asks Jennifer.


At Jack’s urging Frankie and Jennifer show the group Jennifer knows how to dance, “with the right partner.” Frankie and Jennifer dance. Jennifer wonders. Jack stares.

Chloe, Brady, afterglow. Brady says, “Chloe, you will be the most beautiful bride because a love like ours can make that kind of magic happen.” Here’s hoping that magic can pull a disappearing act.

Kate screams for Lucas. She tells Sami, “I can’t wait until Lucas gets up here and hears you try to explain what you were doing in a secret meeting with Tony DiMera.” Lucas comes in but Sami is gone. Kate tells him, “Sami was right here. She had a secret meeting with Tony.”

Lucas doesn’t buy it, “That was Tony’s lawyer. I won’t hear any more lies about the woman I love.”

“That was way too close,” says Sami, “I can’t let Lucas catch me here. I’ll never be able to explain it. But I have to follow Tony’s orders, or else.”

Flashback. Sami tells Tony, “It won't work.”

“It will,” says Tony, “If you follow my instructions to the letter. Otherwise, your wedding will be another one of those disasters.” He violently yanks his chains.

Outside, Sami says, “I have no choice. I have to make a deal with the devil, but this is the last time.” FF on Sami with the phoenix symbol and the fires of hell in the background.


Phillip tells Brainiac, “Belle and I are living proof that friendship can lead to something more.” Shawn says, “Yeah, well right now what I am interested in is moving on with my life.”

Bonnie has her big ole country smile turned on as Mimi says, “I came this close to sleeping with Shawn.” Sami overhears and says, “Wow, Meems, You don’t waste any time do you?”

Billie yells in Hope’s face, “Now you’re calling my daughter a slut?” Hope turns to Bo and asks, “What did she just say?

Frankie tries the door knob in the dark closet, “Oh my gosh, it’s locked.” Jennifer asks, “We’re trapped?” Frankie says with a twinkle in his eye, “Yeah.”


Anonymous applecheeks said...

Well, by the time I zap all of the Broe "infernal whining ninny" stupidity; most of the endless JJ/Frankie plot; and a lot of the repetitive Chelsea/Billie/Patrick stuff....I should be able to get through today's soap in about 20 minutes!

The pictures were great. LOVED the "new Salem PD artillery" picture. As well as the ever popular "moving picture". HAHAHAHAHAHA

6:59 AM  
Blogger TigerLilyGirl said...

Bara Couda, HA! I love it. I can't wait to see Sami's disguise.

7:23 AM  
Blogger Bulldog said...

Yeah, the moving picture of the punch was great. (To bad it wasn't Patrick smacking Snarly instead!)

I learned the same thing applecheeks did - that reading Prevuze while sitting in someplace like a doctor's office gets you some wierd looks when you can't help laughing. This happened from the very first paragraph. "Or not. Or maybe I can."....HAHAHAHHA!

Thanks, Prevuze, for brightening my day!!

7:47 PM  

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