Monday, January 26, 2009

Kittens And Rainbows

Sleazo has Rafe tied up in the safehouse. He confronts him with the baby book and Rafe tells him the book belongs to his girlfriend. Sleazo threatens to kill him if he doesn't talk. Rafe says he's ready to blab. Sleazo snarls, "So where is the little bitch?"

Sister Teresa threatens to call 911 If Sami leaves. Sami nukes. Sister Teresa thinks maybe she should call 911 either way. Suddenly Sami stops ranting and...

LABOR!

Mia calls Nicole in Dr. Baker's office and tells her she's in labor. Nicole panics and tells the doctor. As she heads out the door, she screams into the phone, "I'm on my way!"

Chloe and Daniel meet outside the pub. Chloe says Lucas has left a message for them to meet there, "Lucas can't find out about us until Kate is better."

Speak of the devil, Kate walks up. Daniel and Chloe give us looks of guilt and consternation. Kate asks, "Is one of you two gonna tell me what's going on?"

Over at Titan, Stephanie computes. Phillip tells her to stop working. Stephanie argues. Phillip says, "I thought you were dying for your surprise." He reels off a list of fancy places he's going to take Stephanie on their date. He mentions Lincoln Park, and she asks if that's not in Chicago. "Yep," says Phillip, "The jet is fueled up and ready to go, and so am I." Stephanie declines.

Sami hyperventilates. Sister Teresa asks if Sami is sure this is the real thing. "This is my fourth kid," bellows Sami, "Now I remember why I keep trying to get rid of them."

Nicole rushes into Mia's apartment. Mia whimpers, "The contractions are a minute apart."

"Let's go," screams Nicole. Mia refuses.

Chloe tells Kate she was telling Daniel how bad she feels about her argument with Lucas. Kate says she stopped by Daniel's apartment and we flash back to the tense moment. Chloe excuses herself and heads inside.

Daniel says he was there at the time Kate dropped by. Kate guesses he didn't hear her knock. She wants to talk about Daniel and herself.

Inside, Chloe sits with Allie and Lucas. Lucas, "Asks are we OK?"

"No, Lucas," she whines, "We're not."

Sami writhes in pain as Sister Teresa tells her they've got to get to the clinic. Instead, Sami decides this would be a good time to go looking for Rafe. "No," says Sister Teresa, "Our heavenly father is watching over him."

"He sure didn't do a very good job of looking out for Hilda," says Sami.

"Hey," snorts God, "I'm a busy guy."

Sami huffs and puffs.

Sleazo taunts and grills. Rafe sasses. Sleazo smacks him upside the haid and decides to play his trump card. He leaves and Rafe struggles.

It takes a special editing machine to come up with those multiple '24' shots and, as we have seen, the days crew has rented one. They don't want it to go to waste, so now we're filming half the episode that way. So now we've got Dr. Baker in one, Mia and Nicole in another and Sami and Sister Teresa in a third. I didn't think it was possible but this is how they manage to make the show three times as bad as it was before.

Baker gets a call. It's Sister Teresa calling about Sami, and Dr. Baker tells the Sister to bring her in. Baker gets back on the phone with Nicole and tells her the nun called and is on her way.

If three scenes in one shot are good, four must be better, so we try that for a while.

Stephanie refuses to go to Chicago. She says she appreciates the gesture but tells Phillip he's trying too hard. She don' need no stinkin' hipster wine bar to be impressed. Phillip takes notes and asks what the perfect date entails. Stephanie attacks.

Chloe clarifies. She tells Lucas she's still angry with herself for overreacting. She's not mad a Lucas through because it's not right to be mad at poor defenseless dumb creatures. Lucas vows his undying love for her as Chloe listens and zones out. She says she thinks she was being selfish and immature. "That's why I love you so much," says Lucas, "You're just like Sami."

Chloe tells Lucas she thinks Allie is really cute. "She's not the only cutie at the table," says Lucas.

"Cut it out," blushes Chloe, "You're not that cute."

Kate tells Daniel she is happy as long as her children are happy. She says she's most happy for Lucas, who has made bad choices in women. Kate thinks he has now found the right one. Daniel agrees. She decides to go in with the three of them and asks Daniel to join them. He declines. Kate goes inside and Daniel watches the happy scene through the window.

Victor walks up, "You want what Lucas has, don't you?" Daniel stammers. Victor says he meant a relationship and family. Daniel says he wants that... eventually. Victor tells him that was his way of asking if Daniel is staying in Salem. Daniel says he is, "I belong in Salem. That seems to be where all the nuts eventually wind up. But sometimes I think all the right women are taken."

"I'll tell you one thing," says Victor, "All the women in Salem are taken... with themselves." We zoom in and see the big party at the table. It's just one big happy bubbly bunch.

Sleazo sits across the room and makes a video of the happy scene.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Rafe struggles, "Hang on, Sami." We have the obligatory flashback to baby feeling and Rafe telling Sami he "cares."

Sister Teresa helps Sami with her coat and hustles her out.

Nicole hangs up as Mia screams. Nicole searches the apartment for towels, sheets and a cork. Mia screams. Nicole tries to calm her down, "Think of kittens and rainbows."

Mia don' need no stinkin' kittens and rainbows. She needs an exorcist, and a doctor, NOW. Nicole tells Mia they don't have a choice, "Mia, do you trust me?"

"NO," she screams, "You can't deliver my baby!"

Nicole says, "I am bringing this baby into the world, NOW!"

Caroline and Ciara join the crew as Sleazo films.

Victor heads into the pub. Daniel stays outside and Sleazo passes behind him.

Stephanie brings Phillip to the Cheatin' Heart. She wants to prove all that matters is they are together. Phillip wants to know if she chose the place because Max is there. She tells Phillip, "Max isn't working tonight."

"Just like every night," says Phillip. Stephanie wants to bet on a game of pool. Phillip says, "I get to pick what the bet is."

Stephanie asks, "What do you have in mind?"

"Rack 'em up and you'll see," says Phillip.

Sister Teresa arrives at the clinic with "Colleen." Dr. Baker sends her off with the nurse. Sister Teresa thanks him and says it's a blessing that one of his patients recommended the clinic.

Dr. Nicole works on delivering Mia's baby. Mia isn't taking it well, "Get it out of me!"

"You're the only one who can do that," says Nicole, "Push!"

Phillip shows Stephanie how to line up a shot and take a peek all at the same time. Stephanie thinks he's crimping her style and tells him to get away from the table while she makes the shot. Phillip walks off as Stephanie, after a dozen takes, makes the shot, "You just got beat by a chick. What's my big prize?" Stephanie's beer kicks in before Phillip can say, so she heads for the ladies' room.

Once Stephanie is out of sight, Phillip goes up to the bartender and offers him $2,000 to close the place.

"Great," says the bartender, "And for another $2,000 I'll let you two lovebirds stay here alone."

Rafe works on his bindings. Sleazo comes back, "Once you see this video, you'll offer Sami Brady on a spit."

Dr. Baker barks orders and gets concerned when he looks at one of the machines, "OMG! Her contractions are causing stress!"

"If you don't think this is supposed to be stressful," screams Sami, "You try it. Do something! NOW!"

Mia won't cooperate. Nicole shouts, "Get beyond the pain."

A gal in the audience screams, "It's nothing compared to what we are going through."

Allie gets restless and acts up as Lucas tries to feed her mashed potatoes. Suddenly, Chloe gets a face full. Laugh, laugh, laugh. See Lucas laugh. Laugh, Lucas, laugh. Chloe fires a spoonful of mashed potatoes back at him. Lucas stops laughing and...

FOOD FIGHT!

Kate decides this is her cue to bug out. As she makes a break for it, she tells Victor to approach at his own risk. Caroline laughs about the whole thing and tells Victor she won't mind cleaning up after it's over.

Victor scowls, "Chloe is an ill-mannered pig."

Caroline chastises him and says the kids love her. "They're children," snarls Victor, "They'd love her if she were Lizzie Borden as long as she kept kissing their asses. The relationship is doomed. And so is Lucas." Caroline gets the phone book and looks up the addresses of Alzheimer's clinics.

Stephanie comes back from the ladies' room, "Hey the place is empty!"

"What tipped you off to that fact," asks Phillip.

"You really stink at pool," says Stephanie.

Phillip walks up to the table and smacks the cue ball. Fourteen balls go in the pockets simultaneously and Stephanie gets a clue that Phillip just might have let her win, "I did it to build your confidence."

Stephanie decides she's mad at him. She says she had a consolation prize for him. Now she threatens he won't get it since she really didn't win.

Phillip wants to know what it was. Stephanie moves in and gives him a little hint.

Dr. Baker says Sami's cord is compressed, "The baby isn't getting enough oxygen." Sami demands a C-section. "We can't," says Baker.

Mia pushes and screams.

Phillip's phone rings. He's interested in other things. More smooching. More ringing. Phillip answers. It's the office. Phillip sighs, "I'll be right there." He apologizes and says he'll be back, "Will you wait for me?"

"Yes," says Stephanie, "It's going to be so much fun standing around in an empty bar all by myself." Phillip leaves. Stephanie smiles.

Caroline serves Victor. He asks her to join him.

Chloe gets a call from Daniel. She decides it's not important and lets it roll to voicemail. Daniel leaves a message. He says he thinks the time to tell people about their relationship may never come. He's decided he can't come between her and Lucas.

Sleazo shows Rafe the video of Allie and Ciara.

Rafe screams, "You SOB!"

Baker says they don't have an OR, so Sami can't have a C-section. Sami panics.

Nicole carries Mia's baby around the room. Mia sleeps. Nicole cries. Mia wakes and asks about the baby. Nicole says she's perfect and asks if Mia wants to see her. Mia says she doesn't. Nicole looks to the heavens and cries.

Prevuze

12 Comments:

Anonymous Berg said...

Such soapy drama today - it does appear the writers are using the old "Never let the right know what the left hand is doing" technique. But for me the clincher was the photos which were beyond funny! The plotlines one had me rolling because I believe the writers do something very similar but perhaps with the use of darts. Haven't worked it out yet.

How about DOOL stops hurting poor defenseless animals like the audience for a change?

3:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Prevuze,
Sure missed my Saturday fix of Prevuze.Hope all is well with you. As for this show I don't know if there is anything that can help it. There isn't a lifeline long enough for this sinking soap. Hope you have a good one.c

3:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Has anyone ever seen a nun with such stylish bangs and so much makeup????

5:29 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

He mentions Lincoln Park, and she asks if that's not in Chicago. "Yep," says Phillip, "The jet is fueled up and ready to go.

Huh? Nicole was going to drive to Chicago for her “don’t do it in an elevator without protection” lecture at a teen center, and now Phillip is flying to Chicago in the corporate jet. Just how big is that jet? Does he plan to land at O’Hare and take the Blue Line to get them near Lincoln Park? With the time they will spend in a holding pattern circling over the airport, Phillip would make better time using a corporate vehicle for his big date with Stephanie.

I didn't think it was possible but this is how they manage to make the show three times as bad as it was before.

Talk about tripling the fun or is it the agony.

If three scenes in one shot are good, four must be better, so we try that for a while.

Good Lord, spare us sinners!!

Phillip takes notes and asks what the perfect date entails. Stephanie attacks.

Well, that’s certainly environmentally friendly. No fossil fuels were harmed in this attack.

She's not mad a Lucas through because it's not right to be mad at poor defenseless dumb creatures.

Maybe Lucas can be adopted by one of the cops on “Animal Precinct”.


That's why I love you so much," says Lucas, "You're just like Sami."

Finally an intelligent line is penned for Lucas, and, of course, it is written by Prevuze.

Mia won't cooperate. Nicole shouts, "Get beyond the pain."

A gal in the audience screams, "It's nothing compared to what we are going through."


Amen to that sister!!

Sami demands a C-section. "We can't," says Baker.

Without an OR, the concept of giving birth at a clinic is more than a little ridiculous. What if a baby has to be put on some sort of life support system? It has been hinted that Dr. Baker owns the clinic. All the equipment needed for problem births has got to be very expensive. Is the clinic open 24 hours a day? Babies have a real penchant for being born at night. Then there’s the whole issue of a woman spending many hours in labor. Geez. If Salem has an airport for Phillip’s jet, it has to be part of a major metropolitan area. Sami didn’t want to give birth in Salem but there had to be a hospital within a reasonable distance in another community. Sister Teresa should have been able to come up with better options than the clinic.

Bulldog, those unbelievable plot points are right on the mark, and Prevuze, it never occurred to me that Daniel was performing a Vulcan mind meld on Chloe. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Thanks for a great start to the work week!!!

5:58 AM  
Anonymous RM said...

They should've had Phillip and Stephanie play pool for kisses. Yeah, it's a rip off of Steve and Kayla from the 80s, but that's when the show was actually good, plus they could've drawn a little parallel to Steve and Kayla's relationship. They seem to be trying to build Phillip and Stephanie's relationship into this rich guy/average girl kind of thing. (A reverse of S&K.)

Oh well. They've missed lots of opportunities for plot parallels; what's one more?

7:11 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

OMG - I thought that the Unbelievable Plot Points and the Sister Teresa pictures couldn't be beat. Then I got to that last picture, of Spock and Uhura. It finally sent me over the edge. Beyond funny!!

I love these soap ladies and their 20-minutes' worth of labor, even the first-timers. Must be nice.

Victor, "They'd love her if she were Lizzie Borden as long as she kept kissing their asses.”

Yay! Score one for the Vic-man.

I didn't think it was possible but this is how they manage to make the show three times as bad as it was before…. If three scenes in one shot are good, four must be better, so we try that for a while.

Ka-chung, ka-chung, ka-chung. No, that’s not the sound heralding “24”-like excitement. It’s the sound of plot points reaching the bottom of the barrel and of stupified viewers hitting the floor.

A great kick-off to the start of a new work week. Thanks, Prevuze.

7:26 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

I can't figure out if Nicole wants Mia's baby, Sami's baby or whichever one comes first?

I wonder if in the next episode we can have Melanie conveeeeeniently stop by the Cheatin' Heart so we can have more high school hijinks.

And two steps below high school and junior high hijinks would be the pre-school food fight in the middle of the pub. But this is Chloe and Luclueless so I guess it's appropriate. Caroline laughs about the whole thing and tells Victor she won't mind cleaning up after it's over. I'll have to add that as my next unbelievable plot point.

LOL over "I belong in Salem. that seems to be where all the nuts eventually wind up." And I
loved the Star Trek/Chlodan pic. HAHAHAHA Where do you come up with these things, Prevuze??

Thanks for the laughs on a dreary Monday.

7:31 AM  
Blogger Renaissance Girl said...

I'm confused...a video of Ciara and Allie??? That's SO random! Of course, Sleazo must target random oung children?? WTF Days...

8:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i just have to say... thanks to prevuze for making my day EVERY day. i always look forward to reading your blog. today's was exceptionally funny. and thanks to all of you who post your own comments and insights. what a treat each day!

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dr. Baker says Sami's cord is compressed, "The baby isn't getting enough oxygen."

Didn't that happen to Claire or some other kid?

12:57 PM  
Anonymous Victoria said...

Anon, I think the lack of oxygen happened to all Salemites when they made their grand arrival to the world. It would explain a lot....

1:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think i remember a bulldog picature from last week or sometime about lucas having lack of oxygen. i could be wrong but it was funny.

2:10 PM  

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