The world famous Prevuze squad is seeking a "Canadian Angel" to join the team and help us continue bringing day-ahead postings to DOOL fanatics worldwide. Ideally, the candidate will already be recording episodes to her computer. Must have broadband. Minimal work required on your part. The position pays a six-figure salary: $000,000.00 (Canadian, of course). In addition to this disgustingly low pay package, we offer a complimentary benefits package consisting of... uh... we're working on the benefits package. Contact Prevuze at: firstname.lastname@example.org for further details.
Salem Hospital is seeking an Occupational Therapist Trainee in its Child Development Center. No experience or training required, however, a minimal level of intelligence and no sense of compassion would be helpful. Since you will be working with a bunch of little snots and brats, experience being a snot or brat is also desirable. After your day of training you will become a fully qualified Occupational Therapist and promotion to department head will be imminent.
The Salem Police Department is seeing members for its upcoming "2009 Shawn Brady Recruit Class." No initiative, drive or sense of responsibility required. Candidates showing the least sign of intelligence will be rejected. Must be able to deliver a cup of coffee to an SPD officer without spilling it, despite knuckles dragging on floor. After an extensive week of training, you will be promoted to Police Officer and must commit to working a maximum of one hour per week. Contact Salem Police Department at the Dumbin' Donuts Annex downtown.
The law firm of Horton and DiMera is seeking an attorney. Candidates with any sense of ethics need not apply. Must have transportation — personal ambulance preferred. Submit resume with history of cases tried to M. Horton or E. DiMera. Candidates showing chronic or habitual history of winning cases will not be considered.