Sunday, August 31, 2008

HELP WANTED!


HELP WANTED!

The world famous Prevuze squad is seeking a "Canadian Angel" to join the team and help us continue bringing day-ahead postings to DOOL fanatics worldwide. Ideally, the candidate will already be recording episodes to her computer. Must have broadband. Minimal work required on your part. The position pays a six-figure salary: $000,000.00 (Canadian, of course). In addition to this disgustingly low pay package, we offer a complimentary benefits package consisting of... uh... we're working on the benefits package. Contact Prevuze at: prevuze@gmail.com for further details.

HELP WANTED!

Salem Hospital is seeking an Occupational Therapist Trainee in its Child Development Center. No experience or training required, however, a minimal level of intelligence and no sense of compassion would be helpful. Since you will be working with a bunch of little snots and brats, experience being a snot or brat is also desirable. After your day of training you will become a fully qualified Occupational Therapist and promotion to department head will be imminent.

HELP WANTED!

The Salem Police Department is seeing members for its upcoming "2009 Shawn Brady Recruit Class." No initiative, drive or sense of responsibility required. Candidates showing the least sign of intelligence will be rejected. Must be able to deliver a cup of coffee to an SPD officer without spilling it, despite knuckles dragging on floor. After an extensive week of training, you will be promoted to Police Officer and must commit to working a maximum of one hour per week. Contact Salem Police Department at the Dumbin' Donuts Annex downtown.

HELP WANTED!

The law firm of Horton and DiMera is seeking an attorney. Candidates with any sense of ethics need not apply. Must have transportation — personal ambulance preferred. Submit resume with history of cases tried to M. Horton or E. DiMera. Candidates showing chronic or habitual history of winning cases will not be considered.

OK, gang, we're really serious about that first ad, anyway. If you live in Canada and think you can help us out, please let us know. The Prevuze minions will be ever so grateful. We are, of course, assuming the Canadian broadcasts will remain a day ahead. You never can tell what NBC or Global are up to.

10 Comments:

Anonymous em said...

I can't believe Chelsea's job has the highest qualifications, including a minimal level of intelligence. lol!

But I must say the working hours -- make that working hour -- for the SPD is very attractive.

Then again, the wardrobe for the attorney position might be spectacular. I can dispense of any current ethics and can honestly say I have never won a case in court.

Hmmmm. What to do.

Dear Prevuze:

Attached please find my resume which you will find closely parallels the required experience detailed in your ad for . . .

9:56 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

I think I'm qualified for the SPD position. I have an hour or two a week I could spare for a full-time job that pays enough for me to buy yachts and fly to Europe at a moment's notice.

There's only a couple of problems:

(1) I am concerned about waiting a whole week to become a police officer. I'd only consider that if I got promoted to detective after a week and a half.

(2) Do I have to change my name to "Brady" to qualify? I prefer to keep my current last name, "Applecheeks".

I'm sure you'll find your Canadian angel. Or, given our readership, a Canadian devil might be more like it. LOL

11:20 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

I hope some loyal Prevuze reader is able to help.

I might apply for the position at Salem Hospital. Since there is only one doctor position there and it seems to lead to the Chief of Staph I wouldn't take anything less. BTW, I have no medical experience but then none seems to be needed.

Keeping my fingers crossed for some help, Prevuze.

4:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being from Canada, I am lucky to be able to watch the day ahead. However, I check out Prevuze first thing in the a.m. to determine whether or not I need to watch the episode for that day.

9:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I live in Alberta, Canada and watch the day ahead episode on NTV (Newfoundland TV) at 10:00 a.m. (MST). Not sure what satellite it comes off of.

9:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Prevuze...although currently unemployed, I don't think I am qualified for any of the jobs you've posted. Hmmm...I don't live in Canada to be able to collect the hefty six figure salary of 000,000.00 plus benefits...hard to pass by. I've had some training, posess "some" compassion, not to mention a high level of intelligence, so it's obvious I'm not qualified for the OT position, and by default the Salem PD position. Bummer. And last but not least my sense of ethics would probably ensure that I win some cases if hired, and that would definitely not work for the DOOL team of attorneys which so far are batting close to zero %...which is probably why they haven't been able to purchase the oh so-necessary ambulance to follow potential clients around.

10:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did any of these applicants attend Salem University???
It is my understanding that after signing up for class and attending maybe ONE party you are considered a graduat. Make that a graduat with HONORS!! And any job you apply for comes with FREE ChildCare and all the vacation days you can possible need or ever use. And you are guaranteed a high paying position with a top ranked company anywhere in Salem. Where oh where do I sign up???

6:30 AM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

Who does the interviewing for the Salem PD position?
If it's the Prevuze staff, I'm sunk, but if it's the Salem PD I have a shot. They wouldn't be able to recognize if someone has a brain.

3:19 PM  
Anonymous Susan said...

I sent a message to prevuze to your gmail account on friday.
If you didn't receive it, I get DAZE a day ahead (around 3pm est), and could email you the basics around 4ish, so you could have it up by 5pm the day before if that works for you?
Email me at thesassynunn@yahoo.ca .
If you find others to help out maybe we could work out a schedule since i do night shifts twice a week and wouldn't be able to email you the details until 10pm est on those days.

Let me know Susan :)

4:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Susan is possibly my favourite person on the planet...I live abroad, so I can only follow the written recaps, and no one goes into it in as much detail (or as much fun!) as Prevuze!

3:11 AM  

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