Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Very Expensive And Highly Illegal

Nicole sleeps. EJ stares. The baby bump sits beside Nicole on the bed. Nicole wakes up as EJ boils over, "Up to your old tricks, eh?"

Nicole screams, "I can explain."

EJ grabs her by the throat. Her tongue rolls across the floor as EJ yells, "You lost our baby but didn't want to lose the DiMera money, did you?" He picks her up and tosses her out of the room.

Prevuze steps into the scene and strolls out into the audience, offering to sell the Salem Bridge to anyone who bought that ridiculous scene. No takers, though.

Nicole wakes up. Birds chirp. The baby bump bumps. All is well with the world. Nicole cries, "It was just a nightmare... for now."

Chloe samples goodies at Bo and Hope's house. She whisks by Maggie who zones in on the necklace. Homeland Security needs radar like that. Chloe tells her Kate gave it to her. Maggie says she knows if Kate gave her a rock like that, she must really of approve of Chloe and Lucas being together, "Either that or her treatments have caused her to totally lose her mind."

Daniel sits in his room, watches Monday Night Football and sucks down booze, which helps dull the pain of being a Packers fan. He remembers his encounter with Chloe and her nightie.

Lexie sits with Theo at the dock and suggests they go home. She turns to get her purse. Theo recognizes the fact that this may be his only opportunity to get away. He bolts.

Bo hallucinates. He sees a scene in an emergency room, "This child's not breathing!"

Lexie panics.

Bo watches the vision unfold in front of him and runs outside. He bumps into Abe, "Do you know where Theo is?"

Lexie panics.

John drinks at the pub as Marlena comes in. "You look festive," says John.

"I feel festive," says Marlena.

Brady joins them, not looking or feeling so festive. John smiles that smile someone can only manage when his brain is somewhere else. Brady wants to know why he's smiling. "Christmas eve is for family," says John, "Even if you don't like them."

Marlena tells Brady that was John's attempt at humor. It seems to have hit the mark, except for the humor part. Brady thinks John was talking about him when he talked about family he didn't like. John says he wants the two of them to do him a favor.

Doug and Julie arrive at the Brady residence. They announce that they have just dumped Allie on Alice and Mickey. Everyone decides that's OK since Allie is probably capable of watching both of them. Julie ogles Chloe's necklace. Doug stares also, "What necklace? " Lucas thinks it's going to be the best Christmas ever.

Nicole and Stefano are together in the rumpus room. "I want to apologize," says Stefano, "For being..."

Nicole interrupts, "Sexist, overbearing and dictatorial?" Stefano is soooo impressed with Nicole's perception. He kisses her and wishes her a merry Christmas as EJ watches.

Lexie panics.

Bo tells Abe to call Lexie to make sure Theo is all right.

Lexie panics.

Abe calls and asks Lexie if everything is all right. Lexie panics, "NO! Theo ran off!"

"Where are you," asks Abe.

"I'm at the Paul Hollingsworth Memorial Pier."

Abe gasps, "OMG!"

Stefano wants to talk about names, "If it's a boy... how about... Stefano?"

EJ walks in, "I was thinking about... Elvis."

Tony walks in, "I guess my invitation got lost in the mail."

Chloe excuses herself to go call her folks. Daniel gets the call. She asks about his finger. Daniel says, "Oh, you don't have to worry about it."

Chloe says, "But I do. And I can't stop."

Prevuze

Abe and Bo show up at the pier.

Lexie panics.

"We put out an Amber Alert," says Abe.

"OMG," gasps Bo, "Is she missing, too?"

Lexie panics.

"Where do you think he might be," asks Abe.

"I think he dove off the pier," blubbers Lexie.

"Too bad you didn't follow him," says Abe.

Bo goes clairvoyant. He sees Lexie run into the hospital ER.

Lexie panics.

Chelsea comes out of nowhere and picks Charlie up off the dock. She shows it to everyone and...

Lexie panics.

Stefano tells Tony he has an open invitation. Tony says Anna is in Switzerland with Carrie and Austin. EJ and Nicole go off.

John, Brady and Marlena arrive outside the DiMera mansion. Marlena somehow interprets this as some big breakthrough for John because he's recognizing the need for family at Christmas. They gird their loins and prepare for an evening of merriment at the DiMera mansion. "Here we go a wassailing," says Marlena.

Chloe continues to apologize for the way she closed the door on Daniel's finger. Lucas runs up and tells her to wish her mom and dad a Merry Christmas, then runs back into the living room because he doesn't want to miss one exciting moment of this klunker of a party. Chloe tells Daniel she has to go. They exchange merry Christmases and think thoughts of forbidden love and low cut teddies.

We share greetings all around at the DiMera mansion. Nicole drags Brady off.

Lexie panics.

Bo searches and calls for Theo. A kid stands on the stairs. Bo sees him and drops his jaw, "ZACK!" Zack runs. Bo follows.

Lexie panics.

Stefano offers John one of his new cigars, "They are very expensive and highly illegal... Two of my favorite things."

"Like whiskers on kittens," asks John. They light up. Stefano asks John why he is there.

Marlena asks Tony the same thing. Tony says he thinks Stefano is up to something and he's concerned about EJ.

Nicole tells Brady about Dr. Baker. She asks Brady to get money from Victor. EJ walks in and things go silent. "You look upset," says EJ. He turns to Brady, "Why does this happen every time you talk to her?"

Lucas and Chloe look at a picture of Tom and Alice. They talk about all the kids, grandkids, great-grandkids and... I forgot, which generation are we on now?

Lucas asks, "You wanna have kids with me someday?"

Chloe is about as enthusiastic as a condemned prisoner lying on a gurney, "If you want to."

"As long as I have you," says Lucas, "the rest is gravy."

"That's good," says Chloe, "Since your brains are like mashed potatoes."

Julie asks Maggie if she thought Chloe and Lucas would wind up together, "Looks like grandma had a good idea. I can't wait to see the look on Chloe's face."

Lexie panics.

Bo chases Zack. Zack catches up with Theo and they both run. Bo gasps, "Zack! Theo! No!" They run off and Bo chases.

Nicole insists things are OK, "Christmas and hormones make a powerful combination." EJ gets a call and goes off. He comes back and says he needs to do some office things. Smoochies and bye-byes.

Nicole goes back to work on Brady, "I will lose him if you don't help me."

Marlena tells Tony coming there was John's idea.

Stefano says, "I hope we can put our past behind us says Stefano."

"Keep on hopin'," says John. Stefano says he senses tension.

"I'm enjoying this," chuckles John, "The cigar, that is. I just want you to know two things. First, if you harm the people I am... invested in... you will answer to me. Second... Merry Christmas."

Bo catches up with the apparitions. He grabs Zack and hugs him. Zack turns into Theo.

Lexie panics.

Bo calls with the good news, "I got Theo. Which mortuary do you want me to send the body to? "

Lexie un-panics.

Nicole joins Stefano and John and drags John out into the foyer, "I need money. A lot. And I can't tell you why."

"No problem," says John, "Here's a blank check. Of course, when I say blank, I mean it doesn't have my signature on it either."

Marlena chats with Brady. She says she senses a little change in John, "Deep down inside he's glad you're home." Tony brings Marlena's wrap and she asks where John is.

John gives Nicole some advice, "If you're staying here at the DiMera mansion, having a DiMera baby and need money, you're in over your head. I won't give you money, but I'll be happy to set you up in a hotel and pay for an airplane ticket."

Marlena walks up, "John, it's time to hit the road."

"No thanks," says John, "Getting run over once is enough for a lifetime." As they walk out the door John turns and says, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

"You forgot to say, 'God bless us, every one'," says Marlena.

Stefano asks if Nicole is OK. "Why wouldn't I be," says Nicole.

Abe and Lexie arrive at Bo and Hope's house. Where's Theo," asks Hope.

"Theo who," asks Lexie.

Hope turns to Bo, "You did good work, Brady."

"I had help," says Bo, "I'll explain later."

Hope announces, "It's time to trim the tree!"

"I'll get the chainsaw," says Bo.

And so we go through the 2008 version of Bulb-a-paloosa.

John and Marlena have joined the party. John asks, "Why did you bring me here."

"Because this is what Christmas is really all about," says Marlena.

John asks, "Christmas is about stale dialogue and dragging out actors we haven't seen in months just because we don't want to have a real show on that day?"

"Of course not," says Marlena, "Christmas is about all the wonderful traditions like exchanging gift cards with everyone and seeing if you have a bigger balance on your gift card than the one you gave."

"I knew there was a deeper meaning," says John.


Lucas asks Maggie where his ornament is.

It's still at the prison hanging next to Carmine's," says Maggie.

Julie comes up and hands him a package for Chloe to open. She opens it and we find Lucas' bulb inside next to a new bulb for Chloe.

"Chloe and Lucas," says Julie, "Now there are a couple of dim bulbs if I ever saw them."

Chloe is delighted. She takes her bulb out of the box and walks over to hang it on the tree.

CRASH!

Cleanup on Aisle 7. Chloe's bulb lies in a dozen pieces below the tree.

EJ joins Brady and Nicole. Brady leaves. EJ asks if everything is OK. "What I want for Christmas," says Nicole, "is for people to stop asking me that."

Tony walks up and announces he is leaving. "We'll join Father," says EJ, "He's alone in the study."

"Don't you understand," says Tony, "He could be in a packed stadium with thousands of people and still be alone."

"Kind of like the Packers fans felt last night," says EJ.

Nicole and EJ join Stefano by the fire. Stefano says he can't help but think about next year when they hang a stocking for the newest member of the family. He leaves.

Chloe picks up the pieces. She apologizes for being such a klutz. "We'll have a new one made for you next year," says Maggie, "and have it shipped to you and whatever guy you have moved on to after Lucas."

John zones, "It just hit me... How much everybody needs to remember."

Doug speechifies. He says he's eternally grateful to have a permanent place on the tree and in the family. He toasts the Horton family and all it's honorary members. Then he plays as Chloe sings silent night. With Chloe and Lucas it's never a silent night.

Daniel sits propped up on his bed and boozes it up.

Marlena looks for John.

John calls Dr. Taylor, "I need to remember my life. I need to know who I am."

Nicole prays to Baby Jesus at the crèche, "Help me. Please help me." EJ watches. Nicole sobs.

Patch sits in an empty hallway at the hospital, "Hey, doesn't anyone want to hear the story of the Big Dude?"


Previews
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You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website. Prevuze II should be up no later than noon, Eastern Time.

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11 Comments:

Anonymous Berg said...

A slam on Chloe, no big deal, a slam on Nicole, no big deal - but a slam on the Packers? That's just below the belt. Another good Prevuze!

4:48 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

Prevuze steps into the scene and strolls out into the audience, offering to sell the Salem Bridge to anyone who bought that ridiculous scene. No takers, though.

The Salemites have so many dreams you would think they would all be Googling “dream interpretation” just like I did. The list includes common dreams, teeth dreams, chase dreams, flying dreams, falling dreams, but alas no fake rubber baby bumper dreams or the randy doctor sticking his tongue down Chloe's throat dreams.

Nicole wakes up. Birds chirp. The baby bump bumps.

Prevuze, does she wear her fake bump in bed? The thought makes me cringe.

"Christmas eve is for family," says John, "Even if you don't like them."

I wonder how many viewers can identify with that statement.

"We put out an Amber Alert," says Abe.

"OMG," gasps Bo, "Is she missing, too?"


Naughty, naughty, Prevuze!!!

Stefano offers John one of his new cigars, "They are very expensive and highly illegal... Two of my favorite things."

"Like whiskers on kittens," asks John.


OK, I’ve finally got to hand it to the DOOL writers. That one made me laugh out loud! Oh, I’m really going to miss Jawn when he and Marlena ride into the sunset singing “Happy Trails To You”.

"As long as I have you," says Lucas, "the rest is gravy."

"That's good," says Chloe, "Since your brains are like mashed potatoes."


…and Leslie spills her water bottle all over the carpet. Well, at least it wasn’t tea! Prevuze, you are TOO much!!!!!!!!!

Lucas asks Maggie where his ornament is.

It's still at the prison hanging next to Carmine's," says Maggie.


I learn from my experiences. The water bottle was not in my hand when I read that one. Prevuze is on a Tuesday morning roll!!!

"He could be in a packed stadium with thousands of people and still be alone."

"Kind of like the Packers fans felt last night," says EJ.


I’m just thankful that Prevuze is not piling on the Bears fans this morning. Ah, the luck of a coin toss.

Oh Prevuze you are truly in rare form today! Maybe, it could be the result of sleep deprivation from watching the Bears ice the Packers in overtime or it might be because the denizens of Salem have more hallucinations than a hippy on LSD.

5:45 AM  
Anonymous momvic said...

For a moment there, I thought Zack was going to come back from the dead... What is with Bo's new magical talent????

7:08 AM  
Anonymous joydoctor said...

At least in today's show, Nicole did ask John for the money. No one in their right mind would give another person that kind of money unless they were immediate family and had a pressing need they were willing to talk about to them.

I am so sick of this fake baby storyline with Nicole, especially since everyone has figured out months ago what the end will be already. It ended all hopes of Nicole ever changing her evil ways.

Lots of good Prevuisms today. Thanks. Happiest of holidays to all of you.

7:09 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

I see my word verification thing today is "gagness". Could it be referring to this episode? HAHAHA

"John asks, 'Christmas is about stale dialogue and dragging out actors we haven't seen in months just because we don't want to have a real show on that day?'" This year they aren't even dragging poor Alice into her living room to watch the bulb-hanging. How unfortunate it's been moved to Ho and Dope's.

I'm with you, Leslie. I am still so ticked they are getting rid of Jawn. Can't they see he's a much needed breath of fresh air? Grrr!

"Chloe and Lucas," says Julie, "Now there are a couple of dim bulbs if I ever saw them." Good one, Prev!

LOL over having Chloe's ornament shipped to her next victim and Patch waitin' to tell about the big Dude.

Ho! Ho! Ho! and thanks, Prevuze, for the laughs on an extremely gloomy morning. :D

7:47 AM  
Anonymous Klaus said...

Lucas thinks it's going to be the best Christmas ever.
Oh, Lucas isn't particularly genre savvy. tsk tsk.

Tony walks in, "I guess my invitation got lost in the mail."
Why the heck is Tony such a brat? Either be with the family or get away from them. He keeps crying about not being included despite all his petulant 'I hate you daddy!!'s

Man, can anyone remember a happy Christmas on this show. One without a tragedy? If I were a Salemite, I would never celebrate this disastrous holiday.

Bo is obviously a witch, lets string em up and torch him.

11:31 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

I waited until I was back from my last shopping foray before reading Prevuze. Didn't want to rush through it. Needed something to lure me out of the stores before I bought everything in sight.

I wasn't disappointed. First thing I see – Zach's realistic ornament. OMG! ROFLMAO! Bad Prevuze!

Maggie zones in on the necklace. Homeland Security needs radar like that.

Plus she has the satisfaction of knowing she beat both Julie & Hope to the punch.

Daniel sits in his room, watches Monday Night Football and sucks down booze, which helps dull the pain of being a Packers fan.

And the last Monday Night Football game of the season at that. [Of course, for many of us fans (Rams, Chiefs, Lions, Bengals) that's a blessing. To add insult to injury, the Missouri teams TOGETHER have only won four games this season! Now, back to my DROOL rants.]

"We put out an Amber Alert," says Abe. "OMG," gasps Bo, "Is she missing, too?".

One of Salem PD's finest!

Lexie panics.

Always cool, calm and collected in a crisis isn't she? Would really give me a lot of confidence as her patient in an emergency.

Last but not least, the meaning of Christmas is revealed:

John asks, "Christmas is about stale dialogue and dragging out actors we haven't seen in months just because we don't want to have a real show on that day?"

"Of course not," says Marlena, "Christmas is about all the wonderful traditions like exchanging gift cards with everyone and seeing if you have a bigger balance on your gift card than the one you gave."

"I knew there was a deeper meaning," says John.


Prevuze rocked it today! Thanks!

12:14 PM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

And the last Monday Night Football game of the season at that. [Of course, for many of us fans (Rams, Chiefs, Lions, Bengals) that's a blessing. To add insult to injury, the Missouri teams TOGETHER have only won four games this season! Now, back to my DROOL rants.]

You forgot to mention say it with me: Prevuze - Best sports blog on the Internet.®

12:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There were several "deer in the headlight" photos today. All of them hilarious.

Both Maggie & Chloe zoned on watching DOOL. Daniel getting a "hands-off-the-boobs" call.

How do you twisted people come up with this stuff?? LOLOL

KOTU

4:56 PM  
Anonymous Betyar said...

Nicole prays to the baby Jesus for help? For what??? For a million dollars to fall from the sky like manna in Egypt? Or a miracle that would turn a stuffed polyester baby bumb into the next DiMera heir? Well, Jesus did turn water into wine...but then again that WAS Jesus working the miracle. I can't see Nicole doing that! Thanks Prevuze, fabulous recap of another worthless Dool eppisode! Hope you're all shopped out and wrapped up...I'm still at the wrapping stage. Surely, by dawn on Christmas morning I'll be able to call it quits :)

5:56 PM  
Anonymous Scolly said...

"Bo is obviously a witch, lets string em up and torch him."

If only.

6:29 PM  

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