Monday, December 22, 2008

The Girl That Gives Girls A Bad Name

Sub Title: "The Ghost Of Christmas Sucks"

Sub-Sub Title: "Size Matters"


The Titan Christmas Party! Because of the economy they've scaled back this year and are only serving Johnny Walker Red instead of Johnny Walker Black. Some brown-noser works the room and tells Melanie how great the new Form D-782 is.

Melanie works herself away from the brown-noser, but bumps into Sasha. Sasha gets catty, "I'm sure what Titan needed was an eighteen year old consultant."

"Ciara has to work somewhere," says Melanie. She moves away from Sasha and continues to mingle.

Phillip and Stephanie schmooze. Phillip says, "I want to talk to you about surprises. And I have one that's going to blow you away."

Victor and Brady chat in Victor's office. "I think we need a bigger tree," says Victor.

"It's true," says Brady, "Size matters. Of course, that doesn't explain why Chloe is with Lucas." Victor is tired of the chit-chat. He wants to know what Brady has decided about the job.

Lucas tells Chloe he doesn't ever want to leave the Horton cabin. "Most of Salem wishes you would stay away forever, too," says Chloe. Suddenly, Chloe zones out as she flashes back to Daniel's molest-a-thon. Oh, this marriage will work, won't it? Chloe suggests Lucas go to the hospital alone.

Daniel comes in to see Kate. He's hiding something. Kate says, "I can see you have your hands behind your back, what's up with that?"

"I'd rather have my hands behind your back," says Daniel, "But in this case, I have a Christmas present for you."

Bo works on presents in his living room. He holds one of his packages up to the light and looks inside with his new X-Ray vision skill, "OMG! A Kindle! Now I can download the entire set of Dick and Jane readers and have hours of fun learning new big words!"

Phillip teases Stephanie. He won't tell her what the surprise is.

"You're sadistic," she snorts, "I like that in a guy."

"Since you dated Max," says Phillip, "I always thought you liked stupidity in a guy." Phillip says he always envied the way the Bradys went all out for Christmas. Stephanie invites him to go to the Brady Christmas bash with her. Melanie watches and seethes.

Hope walks into the living room and sits beside Bo. "I feel like I've got a screw loose," he whines.

"You've got enough loose screws to start a hardware store," says Hope, "You had another one of those images, didn't you? I think I know why this is happening to you."

Daniel pulls a file folder from behind his back and tells Kate, "My present is to tell you that you are healthy enough to go home for Christmas. You can spend a few days there and then go to the hospice."

Kate cries for joy and hugs Daniel, "I don't know what I would do without you." Daniel zones.

Lucas encourages Chloe to go with him to the hospital, "Come on, what's going on here? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"It's just a feeling I get now and then," says Chloe.

Lucas gets a call, "Hey, Mom, what's up?"

Brady tells Victor he wonders if he can handle the pressure of the job and being around his family and still stay clean. Oh, for crying out loud, of course he can, so he tells Victor he accepts the job, "I'll take it as long as I don't have to wear a suit."

"You can wear a grass skirt for all I care," says Victor.

"Do you think the one I'm wearing right now is appropriate," asks Brady, "I want to make certain Phillip knows I answer to him."

Stephanie rambles about why Phillip should go to the Brady Christmas party. "Let me see," says Phillip, "You invite me to the party, apologize for doing that and then give me a list of reasons why I shouldn't go. How would you like to be on my sales team? " Phillip accepts the invitation. Melanie watches and plans violent crimes. "I especially look forward to the mistletoe at the party," says Phillip.

Prevuze

Melanie calls Max and says she's on her way to the pub to talk to him. On the way out she tells Phillip, "It's hard knowing you're not wanted on Christmas."

"Every day must be Christmas for you," says Phillip.

Lexie and Chelsea walk with Theo through the snow at the docks, which have been decorated for Christmas – the winos in the gutter are all wearing Santa hats. Lexie brought Theo there to watch the ships go by with him. She brought Chelsea so the winos can all be thankful at Christmas that they don't have girlfriends.

Hope tells Bo in some way, the same thing is happening to her. She says she's having nightmares about a child. Bo hugs her and they both go into the fetal position, "You're talking about our little Zack, aren't you?"

"No," says Hope, "I'm talking about our little Chelsea. Having her around is the biggest nightmare ever."

"What about having Ciara around," asks Bo.

"She's never around," says Hope,
"In my mind, Zack grows up. He'd be about 30 by now, wouldn't he? " They vow to get through this together.

Melanie whines and says she knows Phillip doesn't want her around. She leaves. The party finally gets started.

Stephanie turns to Phillip, "Tell me you didn't fall for that. She's the girl that gives girls a bad name."

"The girls of Salem don't need any help with that," says Phillip.

Lucas and Chloe join Kate and Daniel in her room. Chloe goes into total trauma when she sees Daniel's mangled hand. Kate gives them the news that she can go home and decides she wants pictures of the big event, "Especially since I've got my makeup on."

"That's not makeup," says Daniel, "We had you pre-embalmed in case the tests came back with bad results." Daniel serves as the photographer. Of course, Kate decides she wants a picture of the two people who saved her life.

Hope walks Bo over to the Christmas tree and shows him the "Zack Ornament." She says she put it on the back of the tree last year so she wouldn't hurt Chelsea's feelings. But now, she thinks it's time to stop hiding it. Damn straight – Bo puts it right on the front of the tree where it can cause a big crisis when Chelsea comes in and sees it.

They stand back and admire the ornament together. Suddenly, Chelsea's ornament falls on top of it and crushes it.

The smoke alarm goes off. Hope runs into the kitchen, "I have to save the turkey!"

"When did Shawn get here," asks Bo.

Chelsea comes into the house and immediately zones in on the "Zack Ornament." She starts to run out. Bo catches her and stops her as Chelsea falls apart. Bo tries to reassure here, "It's OK!"

"Chelsea wails, "Somewhere deep inside you must hate me!"

"NO," insists Bo, "The hatred isn't deep inside, it's right on the surface."

Bo hugs. Chelsea freaks. Hope comes into the room and pours out her compassion, "Chelsea, We don't want to hurt you. You can run over our kids any time you want." She reminds her Bo wouldn't be there without her, "And I'm willing to forgive you for that, too. If you walk out that door it's not Christmas, because you'll still be on the property."

Melanie shows up at the pub. She tells Max about Nick signing his project over to her. She also tells him about Victor making her a consultant at Titan and says that irked Phillip. Max gets sarcastic. She tells him no one would talk to her at the party so she needs a brother, "God knows dad wasn't the best guy but at least I wasn't alone on Christmas. Do you think we could go somewhere and celebrate Christmas like a normal family?"

Max asks, "Do you mean like a normal Salem family or a normal family in the real world? " Melanie says she knows he's spending Christmas with the Bradys.

In return for having to ruin Christmas at the Brady party, Phillip invites Melanie to ruin her Christmas at the Kiriakis party. He moves in on her as Victor and Brady show up. Phillip gives Brady a buddy shoulder slap, "I haven't seen enough of you since you got back."

Brady doubles over in pain, "Hey, watch it! That's where I stick the needle."

Kate serves as photographer as Daniel and Chloe stand like wooden statues next to each other. Kate wants them to relax, "Put your arm around her. Chloe, I want to see the necklace, unbutton your blouse." Chloe unbuttons and the floor nearly collapses under the weight as they roll out.

Kate tells Daniel to perk up, "You look like you're going to the guillotine."

Daniel stares down at 'the necklace' and says, "You don't need a guillotine... I've already died and gone to heaven. "

Lucas snaps. He also takes the picture. Daniel goes to call Phillip and Chelsea and give them the good news. He leaves. Lucas thinks that was weird. So does Kate. Chloe makes excuses for Daniel's behavior.

Phillip gets the call from Daniel. He tells him about the test results and Kate going home. Phillip thanks him. Stephanie joins Brady. He asks, "Is Phillip driving you crazy yet?"

"No," says Stephanie, "We've just kissed a few times."

Melanie whines, "It really stinks to be the Ghost of Christmas Sucks." Max falls for her act and invites her to go to Christmas with him at the Bradys.

Bo and Hope try to reassure Chelsea about Zack. Chelsea decides to forgive herself. We are all so relieved.

Hope leaves to work on the vegetables. Jan spears and the other comatose patients from the hospital must have arrived. Chelsea rambles about Max and Charlie as Bo has headaches.

Lexie shows Theo the ships and sings to him. She hugs him and says, "I love you."

Theo looks up at her, "I love you." STOP THE PRESSES!

Uncomfortable Chloe gives Kate and Lucas some time alone. They speculate about the fact that Chloe doesn't like Daniel.

Outside, Chloe bumps into Dr. SqueezeTheCharmin.

Phillip announces Kate is coming home for Christmas and goes to tell Victor.

Brady turns to Stephanie, "You and Phillip?"

"Just friends," she insists.

"For now."

Phillip gives Victor the good news about Kate. Victor says he also has good news. He tells Phillip about the Vice-CEO spot for Brady, "I want you to make the announcement – right here, right now." The blood drains from Phillip's face. Or whomever's face it really is.

Melanie squeals and plasters herself to Max, "You're the best brother ever!" Now she can't wait for Christmas. He tells her to be on her best behavior.

Melanie asks, "Stephanie will be there won't she? Will it be hard for you? Don't worry I'll be there to smooth things over." Translation: she'll smooth things over like Chelsea smoothed over Zack.

Chelsea gets the message about Kate. She perks up, "Suddenly, I'm hungry." She and Hope go into the kitchen to share a breadcrumb.

Lucas wonders why Chloe and Daniel can't stand each other.

A nurse comes up and hands Daniel the new surgery schedule. Daniel shows her his fingers and says, "I won't be doing any surgery in the near future, but I can grope as well as ever." The nurse leaves. Chloe apologizes for giving Daniel the finger. The broken one that is.

Phillip wonders if this is Victor's way of pulling his chain. Melanie watches and soaks it in as he and Victor argue. Victor says, "I love you Phillip, but if you don't make this announcement, Brady won't be the VICE CEO."

Daniel reminds Chloe she already mentioned she's sorry, "Right after you slammed the door in my face." When he finishes drooling and panting, he decides he should go, "Merry Christmas."

"To you to."

Phillip blows a gasket, "It's your announcement. You make it." He storms off.

Brady watches and asks Victor about the incident. Victor says Phillip has been temperamental lately. Brady chases after Phillip. Melanie continues to soak it in."

Lexie suggests she and Theo go home. She turns to grab her purse.

Bo contemplates Zack's Christmas stocking and has hallucinations.

Theo runs off. Lexie screams and chases.

Bo hallucinates. He sees Lexie crying, "Theo!"

Bo stands crazed, wild-eyed and drooling, looking a lot like you will feel after watching this episode, I'm sure.


Previews
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12 Comments:

Anonymous Leslie said...

"It's true," says Brady, "Size matters. Of course, that doesn't explain why Chloe is with Lucas."

Naughty, naughty Prevuze. Well, at least it’s Christmas, and Santa can always use an extra elf.

Hope walks into the living room and sits beside Bo. "I feel like I've got a screw loose," he whines.

"You've got enough loose screws to start a hardware store."


A hardware store won’t do the trick…try a big box store.

On the way out she tells Phillip, "It's hard knowing you're not wanted on Christmas."

"Every day must be Christmas for you," says Phillip.


Since most of us zap all scenes that include Melanie, only the makers of batteries love her. How does this character get so much screen time?

Kate gives them the news that she can go home and decides she wants pictures of the big event, "Especially since I've got my makeup on."

"That's not makeup," says Daniel, "We had you pre-embalmed in case the tests came back with bad results."


That sounds about right. There are times it looks like someone just threw a box of powder at Kate’s face. Apparently, that same box was also thrown at Melanie.

Of course, Kate decides she wants a picture of the two people who saved her life.

Won’t Kate be surprised when the photograph reveals Dr. Mammary Mauler’s hand on Chloe’s boob?

Bo stands crazed, wild-eyed and drooling, looking a lot like you will feel after watching this episode, I'm sure.

Wrong Prevuze. After reading your stellar recap, I plan on deleting this episode from my DVR. Thanks for taking another one for your faithful Prevuzites. Bulldog, all the race car lingo was hysterical so thanks to both Prevuze and Bulldog for warming up this bone chilling Monday morning. Along the lake front this evening, those frigid temperatures will be referred to as “Bear weather”. Hopefully, it doesn’t turn into “Packer weather”.

5:53 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

OMG Prevuze! I ROFLMAO over the brat's ornament crushing Zack's. But when I hit the final Prevuism I was actually coughing up phlegm from getting hysterical. I don't know if Bo staring and drooling is some creative license by Prevuze or not but that image will have me laughing all day...and coughing. HAHAHAHA

If Victor wants Phillip to accept Brady Brady why didn't he at least include him on the decision to hire him? Or give him some warning. Nice goin', Vic!

And there goes Lexie, not heeding our advice about taking Theo down by the docks. Doesn't this woman read Prevuze??

Well she should. I also loved Chelsea and Hope sharing a breadcrumb and the Salem winos decorating the docks.

Thanks, Prevuze, for clearing my bronchial tubes and giving me some great laughs this freezing morning! :D

7:11 AM  
Anonymous Klaus said...

I love battery making.

Anyways, I'm not getting the whole Stephanie/Philip thing. Does she think that Philip is a more honest fellow than Max? Does she think that Philip is going to tolerate someone who goes behind his back to "do the right thing"? This relation ship is doomed... DOOOOOOMMMMMEEEEDDD!

Melanie whines and says she knows Phillip doesn't want her around. She leaves.
I don't know who would fall for that, she's snotty and then so tearful? lol

"Chelsea wails, "Somewhere deep inside you must hate me!"
For the love of Santa, is this how it's going to be every Christmas. I'm not saying 'get over it' but seriously... get over it!

"God knows dad wasn't the best guy but at least I wasn't alone on Christmas.
Imagine how awesome it would be to be there. Stuck with two emotionally unstable, angry people.

Theo looks up at her, "I love you." STOP THE PRESSES!
Aww, Lexie got her Christmas present? It just isn't saccharine enough, hopes Dr. Jonas goes over with a cure for autism.

So... Bo can see the future or somesuch, while Celeste has been sitting on her ass doing nothing?!?

7:25 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

I don't know if Bo staring and drooling is some creative license by Prevuze or not but that image will have me laughing all day...

Creative license? MOI?

Stretch the truth? MOI?

Where do you get radical ideas like that?

8:39 AM  
Anonymous Cotton Candy said...

I don't get the stephanie and phillip pairing, either, unless it's just because they're not related to each other even though their relatives are.

I love melanie. she's just what this show needs. someone who doesn't care if you like them or not and will jump back in your face and not wimper away.

greatest censored link EVER!

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cotton Candy:

Ad Stephanie/Phillip pairing. JKJ is the most attractive guy on DAYS, atleast IMO, and Shelley Hennig is miss teen USA 2004. So, do the math. I´m actually surprised they didn´t try to pair them sooner, even if the show did a good job making Shelley look ugly as possible with all the hideous dresses and weird hairdos Steph wore when she was with Max.

10:37 AM  
Anonymous joydoctor said...

I wonder why Nicole just didn't ask John for a million dollars instead of Brady? John has plenty of money. Brady doesn't. And John and Nicole are friends too.

10:44 AM  
Blogger cfish said...

JoyDoctor --
I think Nicole was probably trying to avoid having to explain why she needed a million bucks. I mean, face it -- you ask somebody for a million bucks, they're going to ask "What for?"

1:13 PM  
Anonymous Scolly said...

Prevuze - I liked the idea of the title and then two subtitles. Because every DOOL episode probably has about five possible titles that would fit! I hope it's a new daily tradition now.

2:50 PM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Sub Title: "The Ghost Of Christmas Sucks"

Sub-Sub Title: "Size Matters"


Sub-Sub-Sub Title: "The Days of This Soap's Life Are Numbered If They Keep Up With This Drek"

I loved the fact that they had someone (in this case a lowly bit player) point out the obvious about 18-year-old, unskilled Melanie working at Titan.

Bulldog, Bulldog – naughty, naughty LOLOL

Oh, this marriage will work, won't it?

I cannot believe Chloe is actually still considering marrying LuCluless. Talk about a disaster of Biblical proportions brewing. LOLOL

Lexie and Chelsea walk with Theo through the snow at the docks, which have been decorated for Christmas – the winos in the gutter are all wearing Santa hats.

That's such a heartwarming image. But, is the show so cheap it couldn't dig up the old village square Christmas tree and hang some lights on it? Or was it too singed from the time the possessed Marlena set fire to it?

Hope leaves to work on the vegetables. Jan Spears and the other comatose patients from the hospital must have arrived.

OMG! Red flags fly everywhere. Prevuze is ejected from the game for being personally foul.

Very late posting today, but Prevuze and my fellow commentors are a great end to a good day!

4:30 PM  
Anonymous Cotton Candy said...

Anon, the writers are putting them together because they're both pretty?

That's the only requirement for a couple now a days?

No wonder DAYs is floundering.

5:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loved the "share a breadcrumb" line.
Did I miss it or what? What was ever done with Trent Robbin's body? No funeral, cremation, no flowers, memorial service, I don't even think anyone lit a candle for him at the Salem Abbey. Did they just bury him in some water heater or something?
Looks like we're getting giddy Chelsea back. Didn't she learn from the last few times she tried that flirt method? Took her forever to leave the pub and go Christmas shopping. She couldn't stop grinning at Max and bobbing her head around like Mary Tyler Moore. I think we have a slutfest headed our way. Chelsea, Stephanie and Chloe. Anybody else out there fastforward through the Lucas/Chloe love scenes? He just brought that huge house that she still hasn't seen and now he's talking about never wanting to leave the cabin? By the way, ENOUGH with the Dr.touchyfeely flashbacks. We get it. We also figure that having gone without lovin for a long time now that his main granny squeeze is in a hospital bed, Daniel is "anxious".
Let him get some lovin already. Maybe he'll get his mind off the deer caught in the headlights.
Oh, Did I see two canisters in Kate's room? One with cotton balls and the other with tongue depressors? They don't have those things in a patient's room. C'mon. Those are just in Dr's exam rooms. Why does she need her own gross of tongue depressors? Don't answer that.
I'd like to take Victor's advice to E.J. but for Melanie not for Nicole. Kick that bitch out on her ass. Hey...it's Victor's words, not mine folks.

10:31 PM  

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