Secrets Are My Life
"Desperate times call for desperate measures," says Mr. Abuhd. Lame
"Hey," says Chelsea, "That ranks right up there with Rolf's explanation of how he came back from the dead... 'It didn't take.'"
The clan gathers around Doug and Julie for the reading of the final letters. Julie explains they have to do this because OMB won't talk. John sharpens bamboo chutes, "Give me five minutes with him and I'll have him singing like a canary."
Julie reads, "My dearest Santo, I've spent days in prayer and solitude considering whether I should marry you or just keep frolicking in sin headed for the bowels of hell. The good Lord has answered my prayer."
Santo meets Father Mallory in the church. They both happen to be looking for Colleen. The Father has something he has to go take care of, leaving Santo alone. Colleen finds him and he asks where she has been.
"Oi've beenta the cliesters," she says, "I can'na keep livin' in both werlds."
"Then-a you are-a leeving me."
"Oi've lat my faith choose."
Sami ponders her dilemma. Andre lays out the ground rules. She can save two lives by killing either Lucas or EJ. "It's very simple," he says, "Take the gun... aim... and done!"
Now, why Sami doesn't choose to take the gun... aim... and blow Andre's brains into the next county can only be explained by the meds she is on, I guess... or, oh yeah, then they might not find Roman.
Sami cries, "Lucas?"
Andre says, "Ah! You've chosen door number one." He uncovers the bodies. Sami asks Lucas if he is OK. Lucas tells her to run.
"Act quickly, Samantha," says Andre, "Time is not Roman's friend."
Roman sucks. For air.
Nick claims the kids are with the sitter. Abuhd wants the apartment number. Nick suggests he go knock on every single door in the building. Abuhd tells him he's making a mistake and starts to leave but sashays around Nick and calls for the kids.
Colleen says, "It has always bean my dream to sarve the Lard dutifully." Santo tells her to stop and says it is better to end this.
A guy in the audience yells, "That's for damn sure!" The cops rush up to him and drag him out as he screams, "Don't tase me, bro! Don't tase me!"
So after all this fiddling around and hearing about her 'cliesters' and serving the 'Lard,' Colleen finally says, "My answer is yes."
Santo is as surprised as we are. Bipolar babes run in the family. Santo and Colleen giggle and dance around the room.
The Lard looks down on the scene and says, "Good riddance. And for your information, it's THE LORD! I'm not a can of Crisco!"
The crowd at the pub discusses Colleen's motives and what might have happened next. Finally some brainchild thinks of reading on to find out.
Lucas is at death's door and what he chooses to do is argue with Sami. Sami, of course, is a mess and begs Andre not to make her do it. Andre assures her Roman is alive and says he's going to kill him last so he will know Sami did not have the courage to save him.
Sami offers herself as a hostage.
The kids run out and Abuhd asks if they remember them. Nick jumps in and says no way is anyone taking them from him. Abuhd offers Nick money and Nick tells him to shove it.
Mr. Abuhd says, "Boys! We're leaving."
Nick says, "They're not for sale and they're not leaving. They're not going anywhere."
Abuhd cold cocks Nick. Chelsea screams, "Nick!"
Abuhd escapes with the kids. Nick lies bleeding on the floor, "We should have taken the money."
Andre considers Sami's offer. Lucas talks him into letting him have a private word with Sami. Lucas tells her she doesn't have to do this. He wants her to walk away and raise Roman Thomas and Colleen Marlena, "And give them enough love for both of us. And try to find some nicknames for them, too."
EJ finally chimes in and tells her to go. Sami can't. Andre reminds her Roman is out there stewing somewhere and the sooner she gets to it the sooner she will find him.
Marlena reads on. Santo thinks Colleen is making a great sacrifice.
Colleen prays. Pete and YOMB walk up to her. Da notices she has been crying. Colleen denies it. Father Mallory joins the party. Colleen says she called them all together there because she needs to speak to them. Santo shows up at the door and Da asks, "Whoy is the Eyetallian here?"
Colleen says she doesn't know and asks for a moment with him. The go out into the narthex and argue. It seems Santo has shown up a bit early. He wants to break the news together. Colleen doesn't want a donnybrook. He asks her to take a gift as a reminder of their life together. It's a diamond ring.
Meanwhile, at the mouth of the Mediterranean Sea, the Portuguese coast guard calls in a bulletin: It seems the Rock of Gibraltar is missing.
Sami turns the gun on Andre, "Go ahead," he says, "You have one shot."
"DO IT," screams Lucas. Andre reminds her if she kills him, she will never find Roman.
Andre tells her to make her choice, "Which will it be? The ever-loyal and talkative Lucas, or Elvis, the virus that's infected your soul? Which man do you truly love?"
EJ offers his life, "You have children. I am alone. Don't think. Pull the trigger." Sami has no problem with the part about not thinking, anyway."
Sami slowly aims the gun at EJ.
Lucas screams and writhes in pain. "SAMI! YOU SHOT ME IN THE LEG!"
"You should have aimed a little higher," says EJ.
In the confusion, Sami picks up a steel bar and whacks Andre. She then proceeds to kick the living poop out of him. Lucas and EJ beg for her to untie them before she turns Andre in to dough for the SPD's morning donut delivery.
Lucas isn't being a big boy about his wound. He screams, "I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SHOOT EJ!" Sami unties them and makes a tourniquet for Lucas. EJ doesn't have a signal on his phone so he has to run out to call 911.
Lucas cries like a little girl and asks Sami if she was really going to shoot EJ. Sami says, "Yes, but I knew I couldn't kill him because I need him more than I need you."
Hope reads on. Colleen was amazed by the ring, but love is pure and simple from the heart.
Colleen drives a forklift into the room, lifts the ring and gives it back to Santo, "A simple band would do." Santo says he has two bands for them but this is an engagement gift. She thinks it's too extravagant, but he begs her to accept it. Pete comes out and interrupts. He wants to know what is going on. Santo says he was just leaving. "Then be quek abutit," says Pete. Santo walks out of the church.
Suddenly Jeremy rushes out of the next room and wrestles Mr. Abuhd to the floor. He puts a gun to his temple and asks who wants the boys. Mr. Kravitz bangs on the wall and wants to know what all the racket is about. Nick tells Jeremy to put down the gun, "You're already facing charges. Don't add murder to the list."
Slowly, Jeremy hands Nick the gun, but keeps Abuhd in a chokehold. Kravitz pounds at the door. Nick answers and tells him things are OK. "I'm callin' the cops," says the Danny DiVito clone. Abuhd gets away from Jeremy and runs off. Nick goes back inside and takes the kids to read comics.
Chelsea asks, "What are you, Jeremy, some kind of avenger?"
"I don't like people messin' with kinds."
"Yeah," says Chelsea, "I got that. Could you have shot him?"
Annie Oakley tends to Lucas as he grills her about why she needs EJ. She says she needs him for the twins and Lucas and their family.
EJ comes back in and says the cops are on the way. Andre bolts and EJ chases. Lucas grits his teeth.
Roman gasps and pounds at his coffin.
Chelsea repeats, "I want to know. Would you have shot him?"
"He thought I would," says Jeremy. Nick comes out and says the kids are OK, but they should call Dr. Evans.
Jeremy decides it's time to leave. Chelsea says she isn't going to turn him in. "I don't believe you," says Jeremy, "Not a word."
Sami tells Lucas Bo found the folio and ending the vendetta involves her and EJ. EJ comes back in. It seems the young athlete couldn't outrun the wounded old guy. Sami tells him she wants to talk to Lucas alone. EJ leaves. Lucas asks Sami if she still loves him and wants to be with him, "If Bo knows what is going on don't you think I have a right to know too?" Sami hyperventilates.
The crowd at the pub runs through idle speculation about what might have happened next. Hope has a brilliant idea, "Maybe we should read the letters to find out."
Father Mallory chastises Colleen for not wearing her habit. Colleen says, "I'll not be wearin' it again, Fodder. Doya remember, Da, after my forst communion, when I vowed my life would be with the choorch? I was a garl of seven. Fodder Mallory, you taught me there is a life of laber aside from the holy vocations, and they're both a way of servin' God. I have found that my true vocation is as a wife and mudder. And I'll be lavin' the convent." Pete drops his jaw. Pan in on YOMB.
Nick and Chelsea talk Jeremy into just taking a powder while the cops are there, and then coming back in case Abuhd returns. Jeremy tells Nick to trash the letter he gave him to deliver to Stephanie. He doesn't want them to tell Stephanie he was back in Salem. He thinks it's better if she forgets him and just moves on.
"Secrets are my life," says Chelsea.
Jeremy leaves. Nick's macho side... uh molecule... comes out, "I totally could have taken that guy. It's good Jeremy was here as backup, though."
"It was a sucker punch," says Chelsea. She's proud of him. She kisses him on the cheek.
Nick goes in for more, but Chelsea turns away. "Can't blame a guy for trying," he says.
Sami promises Lucas she will not do anything stupid and will tell him everything when she gets to the hospital. One out of two ain't bad. The paramedics wheel him off.
Sami says, "We have to get to Stefano, EJ, to end the vendetta. It's in the folio. It is all up to us. It has been since the day we were born."
Pete thinks this is the work of the devil. Colleen insists she has lost her love for the work of the order but not the church. Pete goes right off a cliff... uh, perhaps a poor choice of words... Pete freaks. YOMB watches as the argument goes out of control.
Hope reads. Colleen knew nothing they said would change what was in her heart, "There was no end to their tirade. So I ended it the only way I knew how."
Colleen tells them she loves Santo. She stoops to say something to YOMB but Da interrupts, "You're no sister to him, and no daughter to me." YOMB begs her not to go. Colleen says she will never forget him. Father Mallory asks what will become of Colleen's work with the poor. She takes out her ring, hands it to him and leaves.
"Well," says Father Mallory, "That worked out well in the end, didn't it?"
Outside, Colleen bawls her eyes out.
The crowd in the pub speculates about why Colleen and Santo didn't go through with the ceremony. John thinks the Bradys started the vendetta. Marlena says it doesn't matter who started it, they have to stop it.
Roman struggles for air. He hears something. The coffin lid opens and he sees a light.
You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website.