Thursday, May 17, 2007

I May Be Crazy, But I'm Not Stupid

Sami and Lucas think it's weird they came down to New Orleans on their honeymoon to help people and wound up at Stefano's old house, "God has quite a sense of humor, doesn't he," asks Sami.

"That's because he reads Prevuze," says Lucas.

Sami wants to find out what the letter says. Lucas insists they are going to lock it up and put it back in the wall and get out of there.

EJ walks up, "Well, well, well. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, you walk into mine."

Shawn talks to Belle on the radio, "Where are you headed?"

"Straight into a level 4 typhoon," says Belle.

Shawn barks, "Roger!"

"No," says Belle, "It's just Phillip, Claire and me."

Belle tries to tell Shawn they are headed for Montefiori. Static comes across the radio. Shawn yells, "Belle... Belle..."

Phillip grabs the microphone from Belle, "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

Belle says, "I'm calling for help. It's what any sane person would do. But I decided to do it, too."

Phillip yells, "You called Shawn! Did you tell him where we are headed?"

"I tired, but you yanked the radio away," says Belle, "We're in trouble. We need any help we can get right now."

Phillip sneers, "You're gonna be in a lot more trouble if Shawn comes anywhere near this boat."

EJ reminisces about his old family home. Lucas wants to know if he followed them there. EJ claims it's just a coincidence that he wound up there. Sami wants to know what he wants with them. EJ says, "Nothing."

"I don't believe you."

"You don't have to, Samantha," says EJ, "I've stopped expecting anything from you."

Shawn calls for Belle on the radio, "Belle... do you read me."

Phillip comes in, "Loud and clear."

"What did you do with Belle," asks Shawn.

"She disobeyed orders," says Phillip, "So I made her walk the plank."

Shawn demands to know where they are headed. Belle grabs the microphone, "Mon..."

Phillip covers her mouth. The audience cheers. Phillip says, "If you must know, I'm taking Belle to Mystery Island, and then Claire and I are headed for parts unknown."

Belle struggles and screams. Phillip gives her his Satan stare.

Bo tells Shawn not to lose his cool. Shawn loses his cool, "Steve is my one chance and I'm grabbing it. With or without you."

EJ gets sentimental about his old house and childhood. He apologizes for reminiscing. Sami tells him not to be sorry. She says they didn't buy it for a second. Lucas wants to talk about the things he has done to Sami. He takes his hammer and heads for EJ, but Sami stops him, "If you kill him, you will go to jail and it will ruin our honeymoon, and you'll be someone else's bitch."

EJ heads off to pay his respects at the family plot, "I sure hope it's in better condition than this stupid plot."

Sami tells Lucas he did the right thing. Lucas thinks bludgeoning EJ would have felt good, "But there is something I can do – teach him a lesson he will never forget."

Gabby comes up with a map and says based on what Belle said, they must be headed for Montefiori. Shawn wants to get going right away. Bo wants to wait for the storm to pass. Steve and Shawn outvote Bo. So he decides to go with them. Steve leaves to get the plane ready.

Bo pulls out the statement and asks Shawn to sign it. Shawn looks at it. He finds the place where it says, "Sign Here." He puts it down on the table and writes, "Sagittarius."

Patch watches and checks the secret gun he carries in his boot.

"YOU BIT ME," says Phillip.

"Get a tetanus shot," says Belle, "We're in trouble. Send out an SOS." She grabs the radio and starts to do it herself.

Phillip yanks it form her and smashes it onto the floor. Belle accuses him of being insane. "Who do you think made me that way," screams Phillip, "WHO?"

Rodney comes and asks Lucas to help him with a load of bricks. "Great idea," says Lucas, "I could use some. I'm a few bricks shy of a load myself."

They leave. Sami wonders what EJ is up to. Like an idiot, she heads over to talk to him. EJ philosophizes at the graves of his family members. Sami walks up and asks why he is there. "I didn't like the way we left things at the wedding," says EJ, "I would like the chance to start over again as friends."

Sami chuckles, "Whaaa..."

Patch announces the plane is ready to go. He leaves with Bo. Shawn calls Gabby over for their tear-jerking goodbye. Gabby provides the tears and Shawn provides... well, you get the idea.

Patch tells Bo what really hurts is after all these years, Bo still doubts him. He suggests having a boy's night out and clearing the air when they get back home. "You have been hard wired to kill my boy," says Bo, "If you even twitch wrong, I will take you out." The Three Amigos head for the plane. Gabby stares.

Phillip and Belle argue for a change. He is upset with her for calling Shawn.

"Because we're headed into a typhoon," says Belle.

"I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid," says Phillip, "You want Shawn to be your hero and carry you away and I'll never see my little girl again." Phillip gives Belle a choice. Once they get to their destination, Belle can either stay with him and Claire or leave.

"You realize you lose wither way," says Belle, "If I stay, I will make your life a living hell."

"Been there, done that," says Phillip.

If I leave Claire won't have a mother. What will you tell her, that mommy went to heaven?"

Phillip sneers, "I'll leave out the part about heaven. You stopped loving me but never for a heartbeat did I stop loving you." The boat lurches and Belle falls into his arms.

Phillip and Belle stare at each other for an eternity. Phillip finally says, "Didn't I always say if you fell I would be there to catch you.

Belle goes in to check on Claire. She comforts her. She reminds Phillip he has promised Claire he will keep her safe, "Do you really think you can do that?"

Claire says, "Hey, we're in the middle of nowhere in a sinking tub being rammed with the full force of a typhoon. How much safer could we be?"

Patch flies into the storm, "I can catch 'em." Bo is skeptical. He thinks the whole plan is risky.

Shawn says he can do it, "What could be risky about a wounded guy jumping out of an airplane into the ocean in the middle of the night to wait for a boat that might or might not come along and which will probably sink when the typhoon hits it anyway? "

Patch hands Shawn a pair of night vision goggles. "You can't hide from me, Phillip," says Shawn.

Sami laughs, "You are too much, EJ."

"I Made you laugh," he says, "I haven't done that in a while."

"It's not a compliment," says Sami, "What planet are you living on that you think we could start over. Great. You want me to forget your threats and humiliating me? You can't admit you forced yourself on me. You haven't shown one shred of remorse for it. You can't wait to spread your evil to the next generation!" She spits into the dirt, "You know what? If you had to do it over you would rape me again in a heartbeat."

EJ says what he did was horrible and wrong. He says he isn't a monster. He's spoiled, demanding and willful. He grew up living there like a prince. Nobody said no to him. And then, Sami did. Sami says it's too bad he didn't listen and he still doesn't. She says EJ asking forgiveness is like him raping her all over again. He doesn't deserve second chances. Hating him keeps her safe. EJ claims he never experienced life until he loved her.

"If you love me, you'll give me what I want," says Sami.

"OK," says EJ, "Say the word. I'll pack my bags and go."

"That is all I want," says Sami, "For you to disappear."

"You don't mean that."

"You are such a bastard," she snorts, "You just want to possess me. There is only one way to get rid of you."


Lucas walks up and listens. EJ reminds Sami she already tried to kill him once. Sami asks what sacrifice she has to give to get him out of her future. He says there is a 50% chance the baby is his. Sami says she will never trust him again. He apologizes for forcing himself on her.

"You raped me. SAY IT!"

EJ hesitates, "I'm sorry... that I raped you."

Sami cries, "Damn you to hell!"

"Well," says EJ, "you may get your wish, but I need to know if the baby is mine."

Sami tells him to shove it, "I'm not having the amnio. They baby isn't yours no matter what."

Lucas comes out of hiding and says, "No amnio! Back the hell off!"

The plane flies through the storm. Shawn sees a boat.

Patch asks, "Do you think it's them?"

Shawn says, "Who would be crazy enough to go out in a storm like this?"

"Us," says Bo.

"Here we go," says Patch, "Happy landings."


Bo screams, "SHAWN! YOU FORGOT YOUR... parachute..."

Lucas tells EJ, "You would never miss out on an opportunity to make Sami cry."

"My intentions are good," says EJ.

"Yeah, well, we know what the road to hell is paved with, don't we," asks Lucas.

"People from Salem headed for their final reward," says EJ.

Lucas takes Sami aside and tells her they have to resolve this right now. EJ steps in and says it's the thing to do. Sami refuses. Lucas takes her off to talk to her in private.

Bo says, "Hope will skin me alive if she finds out I signed off on this. Or if she finds out I didn't take out the trash before I left." He stares into the abyss, "Shawn... you will be all right. Phillip... don't do something stupid."

Phillip puts on his slicker. He's going up on deck to get them away from the storm. Belle hates him for not getting help when he could. Phillip says no one would have come out knowing a typhoon was coming. He won't let anything happen to them. He goes up onto deck. Bell goes in and plays with Claire. Claire fusses. She takes out a crayon and piece of paper and scrawls, "Last Will And Testament..."

The storm rages. Phillip fights the boat, "Quick! Somebody! Tie me to the wheel! " He revs the engines.

A hand clutches the side of the boat. Phillip revs the engines harder. The hand clutches and slips.

Sami can't believe Lucas agrees with EJ. Lucas says he's just trying to be objective. He thinks they should get the amnio. Sami swears the baby is his. She doesn't care what the tests say. They argue. Lucas talks her into it. They will get the amnio and then tell EJ his days of making their lives miserable are over. John Henry turns and whacks the wall with his sledgehammer. The wall collapses and there sits Lt. Dan.

EJ turns around and sees Celeste, "What the devil are you doing here?"

She says Tony sent him a message, "Your father's condition is rapidly deteriorating. To save Stefano's life, you need those stem cells. Now!"

Patch and Bo fly through the storm. Patch casually asks if Bo got Shawn to go on the record about EJ. "Where the hell did that come from," asks Bo.

"I know you didn't fly here to have a reunion with Shawn on the beach," says Patch, "You flew here to get him to sign a statement."

"How do you know," asks Bo.

"You said something about it," says Patch.

"No, I didn't," says Bo, "But I got it – and I'm gonna use it to put your boss behind bars." Smooth move, Bo. I guess Lucas isn't the only one who's a few bricks shy of a load.

"Sorry," says Patch, "I can't let you do that."

Phillip is back downstairs. He tells Belle to relax. With any luck they'll be in Montefiori by sundown. Claire asks, "Isn't that in Italy?"

Phillip says, "Finish writing your will."

Belle wants them all to survive and wants her life back. Phillip vows to get them out safely.

Shawn pulls himself up. He flops over onto the deck and looks down at his shoulder, which gushes blood. FF


Shawn screams, "I'm taking control of the boat!" Phillip yells, "Exactly how do you plan on doing that, Shawn? You do what I say, or you swim your way home!"

Sami says, "You were saying something about teaching him a lesson." Lucas says, "A lesson he will never forget. This will be the end of EJ Wells."

Celeste tells EJ, "If you are the father, you need to stand up to Stefano and save your baby's life."



Blogger Deb said...

I'm not sure where to start with this one.

Someone at DOOL needs to Google stem cells, cuz they have it pretty wrong.

Belle can't put together a complete sentence that doesn't have the words Claire, family or home in it. Yet all of a sudden she is a marine meteorologist and can identify a class 4 Typhoon in the dark at night.

DOOLisms of the day

"If I leave Claire won't have a mother. What will you tell her, that mommy went to heaven?"

And you think she'll ask....why?

"If you love me, you'll give me what I want," says Sami

We keep saying this to the writers and it doesn't work, what makes you think you will do any better?

And one big big burning question:
As Belle and Phillip argue, whine, and slowly lose what little grip either of them have on reality; meanwhile they sail headlong into the path of a typhoon........

Phillp has never mentioned hiring a captain, and doesn't act like there is anyone else on the boat so what's going on?????

5:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Again, Great Prevuze!
I honestly don't even care if I miss the actual show anymore! I love reading your review! Your BEST line(s) today:

Claire with a crayon, writing her will! and Phillip telling: 'Go finish your will!' PRICELESS!!!!!

I think Lucas SHOULD take the hammer to EJ - this whole 'stalking' thing is just plain stupid!

6:16 AM  
Anonymous MomofDNA said...

I've seen Roadrunner cartoons that are more realistic than this stupid show.

Thanks, Prevuze, for sparing me the trauma of actually watching it.

6:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't feel the need to watch it either. Prevuze makes it a million times better. I don't think I've watched the show for over a month and I definately don't miss it. Thank you, Prevuze!

6:50 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...


Prevuze, are you sure that wasn't the audience pleading to be put out of our misery??

As usual, the pictures were a hoot. Loved the Three’s Company poster and Bo checking his e-bay account. And LOL at the Prevuism that God has a sense of humor from reading Prevuze.

Any other comment I would have made has already been covered by my esteemed fellow commenter’s above!

7:31 AM  
Blogger Bulldog said...

Celeste flew to New Orleans to give EJ Tony's message? Hasn't she ever heard of a PHONE??

And I'm with you, Deb. I know they're out in the Pacific but I would think even on autopilot someone should be up there watching where they're sailing.

I LOL over Shawn signing Sagittarius, the road to hell being paved with Salemites and Lucas being a few bricks shy. HAHAHAHA

EXCELLENT Prevuze today!!!

8:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Belle goes in to check on Claire. She comforts her.

Poor Claire. Her work is never done.

1:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"If I leave Claire won't have a mother. What will you tell her, that mommy went to heaven?"

And you think she'll ask....why?

Why wouldn't Claire ask where her mother is? She is old enough to remember her and even if she doesn't, eventually she would wonder anyway. Every child without a mother eventually wants to know what happened to her.

2:27 PM  
Blogger doolfanatic said...

lol @ shawney's signature.even though i'm a sagittarian myself.i'm unable 2 post often because of my job type(i drive around all day).but as soon as i get a chance i hav 2 read previews.
keep up the good work:-)

2:27 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Claire won't ask what happened to her mother because she will be so glad the psycho witch is GONE GONE GONE out of her life!!!!

Don't try to read too much reality into this board, or the show for that matter.

3:50 PM  
Anonymous Elena said...

I (hic) love the (hic) drinking game (hic). It (hic) makes the (hic) show a (hic) bit more (hic) interesting (hic). LOL

6:07 AM  

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