Stick It To Me

Melinda babbles to herself: "I have to get rid of that lunatic before I become a lunatic." Too late. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ava: "I know all about your litigious history." Connie: "Better litigious than promiscuous." Ava: "Are you talking about me?" Connie: "If the shoe fits..." #DAYS

Melinda lets Connie know she thinks Connie may have killed Li. She doesn't exactly play things close to the vest, does she? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "Let's get together and stick it to Stephan, Ava, and Nicole." EJ: "Just how do we stick it to them?" Gabi: "You stick it to me." #DAYS

Bangs Her On His Half Of The Couch

Scenes we'd like to see: Stefan brings Ava home and bangs her on his half of the couch. #DAYS

Thomas wants to know whom chad was on the phone with. Felicity asks the same of Dr. Green. Both men seem to subscribe to the old adage, "Children should be seen and not heard." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gabi: "I'm planning on taking Stefan for everything he's worth." Connie: "But you just said he isn't worth a damn." #DAYS

Melinda: "I've got to get out of here before I completely lose it." Or before she has to pee. #DAYS

Only An Idiot

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "How are you doing?" Sarah: "Mom gave me a nice little pep talk." Xander: "Well, that'll get you back on your feet." #DAYS

Holly: "I'm responsible for Sarah being paralyzed." Tate: "I'm just as responsible as you are." Fiona: "I ran over Sarah. I'm responsible for her condition" Brady: "I'm here to confess. I'm responsible for running over Sarah." The citizens of Salem are very responsible people. #DAYS

Only an idiot would go to the police station and confess without his attorney. Oh, never mind. It's Brady. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Fiona: "Do they have any leads on who injured Sarah?" Justin: "Jada has a partial plate." Fiona: "What does her dental condition have to do with Sarah's hit and run?" #DAYS

Justin: "Have you ever met Brady?" Fiona: "No. I haven't had the pleasure." Oh yes you have. #DAYS

Marlena: "I doubt Brady has fallen off the wagon." He hasn't. He fell off the highest cliff in Salem into the River Styx and rode the rapids down to the open gates of hell. #DAYS

Salem City Ordinance 10-2967

When Tate first saw Brady, you want to know exactly how he felt? Just think about that time your dad caught you doing something you weren't supposed to be doing. It was a terrifying moment, wasn't it? #DAYS

EJ to Kristin: "Just what did you do to protect our family?" Salem City Ordinance 10-2967: "It shall be deemed a city violation ever to say the words, 'None of your business.'" #DAYS

Brady has to give Tate some credit for coming clean. Especially for being a guy who thinks he just paralyzed Sarah in a hit and run. #DAYS

OMG! Kristin not only told EJ "it's none of your business," she said "it's none of your DAMN business." A blatant violation of Salem City Ordinance 10-2967. CITIZEN'S ARREST! CITIZEN'S ARREST!

I hope Brady has a "go-bag" packed somewhere. #DAYS

Semi-Naked

Holly rejects the excuse that Sophia and Tate were preparing for the Mr. & Ms. Salem Beauty Pageant bathing suit competition. #DAYS

Tate: "You believe me, don't you?" Men practice that line over and over again. Holly: "Of course I believe you." Women practice that line over and over again. #DAYS

Kristen is skeptical about Abigail's identity. This from the woman who disguised herself as Nicole and seduced Brady. #DAYS

Kristin's neckline is plunging farther down than a robot sub exploring the Pacific Ocean Mariana Trench. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Holly: "Are you denying that I found you and Sophia naked in each other's arms?" Tate: "Yes. We were semi-naked in each other's arms." #DAYS

Afer Jada leaves Brady's pants burst into flames. #LiarLiarPantsOnFire #DAYS

In The Flesh

Tate opens the door: "Sophia…" Sophia: "In the flesh." She removes her top and now they both are… in the flesh. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "I'm heading to the hospital to see Sarah. I need you to watch Victoria." Fiona: "Any change in her condition?" Maggie: "No, you just need to feed her a bottle of formula this afternoon." #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: "While eavesdropping on Fiona and Maggie, Brady lets out a boomer of a fart that can be heard all across Salem. #DAYS

When you reach the 9th circle of hell and see a big barrel sitting there and you go to the bottom of the barrel, you'll find Fiona. #DAYS

A "Lay Down Woman"

Melinda and Li, sittin' in a tree, d-e-c-e-a-s-e. #DAYS

NewAbby: "Nice to meet you." EJ: "Oh, we've met. Do you still have that heart-shaped birthmark on your butt?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Julie: "Abigail might get her memory back and when she does, you know what that will mean for you." Chad: "Yes… I'll get laid." #DAYS

Ava: "Stefan and I slept together just one time. Just one..." Sorry one or one thousand – both are on the same side of that line in the sand you dare not cross. #DAYS

I didn't know Gabi's little lap dog would rat me out." Roman: "I don't get it… was she a dog or a rat?" #DAYS

Abby learns she's slept with EJ, Stefan, and Chad. She's practically a DiMera heirloom. #DAYS

Ava says Roman is a "stand up guy." Unfortunately for Stefan's marriage, Ava is a "lay down woman." #DAYS

Chad: "The fact you slept with two of my brothers is water under the bridge." And Abby under the DiMeras. #DAYS

The Big 'O'

Did Hattie mean "people get Marlena and me mixed up all the time," or "people in Salem are mixed up all the time" ?? #DAYS

Kate and Abe's SORASing conversation was interesting. Kate: "You mean the audience accepts this?" Abe: "Yes." Audience: "No." #DAYS

Brady reads about Sarah's hit and run: "Hmmm… maybe that wasn't a speed bump I hit." #DAYS

Sarah has no feeling in her legs. Maybe they can drag out the old scripts from when Maggie couldn't walk. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Johnny: "How did Alex betray you?" Chanel: "When we had our three way, Allie had the big 'O' but I didn't." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Salem cops crack the hit and run case when they discover the dent in Brady's car is exactly the same shape as Sarah's butt. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "How did you sneak Victoria up here?" Xander: "The same way I used to sneak girls into my college dorm room." #DAYS

Fiona: "Sarah didn't see the driver and she doesn't remember anything." So… no harm, no foul. #DAYS

Kayla gives Sarah the "look of death." Well… in this caset it's the "look of paraplegia." #DAYS

Damage Control

They're acting like the DiMera ID card is made out of a diamond-encrusted gold bar. #DAYS

Those guys working in the background at the Bistro are really getting an earful. #DAYS

Steve: "Abigail spent the last few years being lied to and indoctrinated by Clyde Weston." So now that she's home she can be lied to and indoctrinated by everyone else in Salem. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Melinda: "What was so important about this job that is worth lying to get it?" Connie: "The salary." #DAYS

Chad to Jack: "We have to do some damage control." Protip: It's better to exercise the control BEFORE the damage. #DAYS

Jennifer's about as high-strung as Saddam Hussein on the day he died. #DAYS

Revenge-Obsessed

How convenient for Fiona that Brady had a blackout. #DAYS

Brady walks in. Kristen: "Look what the cat dragged in." After last night if the cat dragged Brady in, the cat must have some pretty low standards. #DAYS

At this point wouldn't Brady's breath still smell like the Jack Daniels distillery? #DAYS

Gabi to Kristen: "Do you think Stefan and I have a problem?" With revenge-obsessed Gabi after them, it's Stefan and Ava who have a problem. #DAYS

If the scuttlebut about NewAbby really being Gwen is true she sure dropped her accent awfully fast. OTOH, if it's true, Theresa and Gwen could share a few scenes together. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kristen: "Stefan loves you. Do you want to lose him?" Gabi: "No. I want to kill him." #DAYS

Gaslighting

BULLETIN: Insurance companies have stopped insuring cars in Salem. Every single time someone gets in a car in that town, there is a devastating wreck. #DAYS

The genetics test says she is Jack's daughter, but it doesn't mean she's Abigail. She could be Jack's long=forgotten daughter. #DAYS

They should introduce NewAbby to EJ. Maybe she'll remember him from that little shower they took together. #DAYS

Leo offers to fill in with Xander if Sarah doesn't show up for their wedding night: "I'm kidding…" Translation: He's not kidding. #DAYS

Sarah: "Stop groping me and call 911"

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "If you don't stay at the Horton's, the only other possibility is the DiMera mansion." NewAbby: "Now you're talking." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kayla: "Tell me how you're feeling.: NewAbby: "I'm OK, but being cremated was a little uncomfortable." #DAYS

Leo to Hattie: "Are you gaaslighting me?" Not necessary. That ship has sailed. #DAYS

Cheesy Soap Opera Plots

There once was a gal named Fiona
And Brady who liked to jump on her
They both had their fun
And when it was done
Brady would once again bone her
#DAYS

Mystery girl: "The coffee here at the hospital is disgusting." Chad: "Disgusting coffee is the best kind." #DAYS

Amnesia + Reconstructive Surgery = Cheesy Soap Opera Plots #DAYS

Mystery gal sees the DiMera mansion: "Forget the DNA test and call me Abby." #DAYS

By the end of the episode Tate will be in another room crying while Holly takes a cold shower. #DAYS

Close To The Vest

Ava: "Gabi and I… we're good." In bed with Stephan, that is. #DAYS

You've gotta give Bonnie some credit for her enthusiasm. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ava: "You did what you did to save your marriage." Stefan: "Since when does adultery save marriages?" #DAYS

Abe and Kate are turning the production of Body and Soul into a… well… a soap opera. #DAYS

You've got to give it to Gabi for playing it close to the vest so she can bide her time before she takes everything from Stefan, including his family jewels. Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned but Satan could improve his game by learning a few tricks from Gabi. #DAYS

*-*-*-*-i-n-g

Fiona and Brady… sitting in a tree… *-*-*-*-i-n-g, #DAYS

Stephanie brings Alex his "go-to power tie," which, in the tradition of college frat boys, will soon be hanging on the doorknob of his apartment to signal their festivities going on inside. #DAYS

Stefan sends Gabi flowers. When she finds out what he did, even a rain-forest full of flowers won't appease her. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Alex: "I never should have trusted Theresa. I ignored my gut." Stephanie: "You should have ignored another part of your body." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Kristen: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Stefan: "Hell hath no poor judgment like a horny man." #DAYS

Stefan: "Question – which one of us knows Gabi better?" Kristen: "Question – Which one of us is a woman?" These days, no one knows. #DAYS

The Cock and the Bull

Paul says he thought John was being held in Greece. OMG! Greece is bad enough, but being held in the hell-hole of Missouri would be pure torture. #DAYS

You can bump into anyone in the town square. In fact, I think I just saw Amelia Earhart bump into Jimmy Hoffa. #DAYS

Tate gets caught red-handed in the town square, probably should be grounded for a year for what he did, and Brady winds up apologizing. Great turnaround. #DAYS

Brady says he is in a constant state of anxiety. A little Fiona-therapy has recently helped him turn that around, however. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "Where did you get my wife's bracelet?" NuAbs: "I'm a certified grave-robber." #DAYS

Brady falls for Tate's cock and bull story. And both the cock-and-bull have a higher IQ than Brady. #DAYS

Brady falls for Tate's cock-and-bull story. And both the cock and the bull have a higher IQ than Brady. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sophia: "You have a romantic hideaway but you and Tate haven't had sex yet? What's wrong with you?" Holly: "Chronic virginity." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "There is a way we can tell if you are my wife." NuAbs: "How?" Chad: "Let me see if there is a heart-shaped birthmark on your left butt cheek." #DAYS

Unlikely and Shocking

Brady & Fiona. The morning after. Not as pleasant as the night before. #DAYS

Brady: "OMG, Xander is my uncle." Yes and you just hammered your great aunt. #DAYS

Maggie to Holly: "Why would you call your friend Sophia… Tate?" BUS-TED! #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "I want to get married today." Xander: "Shouldn't we have a wee nap first." Sarah: "No. We can't do that before we're married." Xander: "Since when?" Sarah: "Since yesterday." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Maggie: "You look exhausted." Sarah: "I pulled a double shift." Maggie: "How did that go?" Sarah: "Let's put it this way… never perform a colonoscopy with your eyes closed." #DAYS

Brady: "Last night was really nice." Fiona: "Perhaps we can do it again sometime." Brady goes for seconds at the Fiona smorgasbord. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see: In an unlikely and shocking turn of events, Fiona discovers she is pregnant. #DAYS

The Nut Job

Again living across from now-unattached Stephanie, Alex' apartment won't be the only thing he's moving in on. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Ava: "When I was talking to Kristen about what happened between us, Connie walked in." Stefan: "So the nut job heard you?" Ava: "Yes, and so did Connie." #DAYS

Alex learns Everett/Bobby is dead: "Steph… I am so sorry." Translation: "Your place or mine?"

It's making my head spin listening to people on #DOOL talking about how crazy soap operas are. #DAYS

A Promiscuous Slut

Next on #DOOL — Fiona: "I met a charming gentleman." Xander: "What was his charming name?" Fiona: "None of your charming* business." *Actually, she didn't say "charming business." #DAYS

Jack: "What are you doing here?" He's tied up and beaten to a pulp. I think Jack can assume he's not waiting for his dental appointment. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — John (on phone): "It's me, Doc." Marlena: "Are you all right?" John: "Yes, except for the crushed skull." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Fiona: "Are you judging me because I'm your mother or because I'm a woman?" Xander: "Neither. I'm judging you because you're a promiscuous slut." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Brady: "I'm laying off women." Alex: "I prefer laying on them." #DAYS

Stephanie: "Do you think there's a chance Abigail could be alive?" Not in the real world, but in Salem you can be cremated and have your ashes shot into space and still come back from the dead. #DAYS

12-Step Program

Protip for Connie: an anagram is a word formed by rearranging the letters of another word. So, the only anagrams for the word "Ava" are: vaa and aav, and neither of them make sense. A mnemonic is a memory device. Good mnemonics for "Ava" might be "Audio Visual Assistant," or "Avaricious." #DAYS

Nick/Everett/Bobby has died almost as much on this show as John Black. Almost. #DAYS

Brady is the same color as the rare steak I had for dinner last night. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "There is still time for you to go reconcile with your mom." Xander: "And why do you think I want to?" Sarah: "Because you don't want to be celibate." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Marlena: "Brady didn't come home last night." Paul: "He's still living with his parents? What is he… a Millennial?" #DAYS

Fiona doesn't like going to AA meetings and listening to the sad little people whining about their insipid lives. She and Brady prefer to stay in their hotel room and be sad little people whining about their insipid lives. #DAYS

Marlena: "Brady is tempted to drink but he knows I will always be there for him." Isn't that the definition of an enabler? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "Was Brady in here?" Fiona: "What makes you think that?" Xander: "This room smells like Axe Body Spray." #DAYS

Fiona tells Xander she's in a 12-step program. When she's out every night each drink counts as a step. #DAYS