Saturday, September 18, 2010

Buried Alive

Twice this week I didn't get a satellite feed. It gave me a lot of time to think and with me it takes a lot of time. So today I'm just kind of mulling things over in my mind. It's a process very similar to turning over the manure in a compost pile.

We snark about DOOL for having a buried-alive fetish and that started me to trying to remember all the buried-alive plots. Well, fact is, there are precious few, unless you expand your definition of being buried alive. If we do that, then we get a cornucopia of "buried-alive" goodness.

Here's what I came up with. It's off the top of my head, a place I don't often visit, so feel free to expand on the list:

True Buried Alive Episodes

The classic buried-alive plot on DOOL (and, in fact, in all of soap-operadom) is Vivian burying Carly alive. I don't remember much about it. Somehow Vivian was married to Victor, who left her for Kate, so Vivian buried Carly alive. Makes sense.

Then about three years ago, Andre buried Roman alive to make Sami choose between Lucas and EJ. He told Sami she would never see Roman again unless she made that choice, and the way she had to make it was to shoot and kill the guy she didn't want. Makes sense. In true DOOL fashion, Sami chose Lucas, pointed the gun at EJ and practically blew Lucas into the next county. What is it about Salem women that they have the marksmanship skills of Mr. Magoo firing off rounds while riding a jackhammer?

And now, we've got the Vivian Alamain buried-alive plot redux, only this time with a twist. Vivian was planning to bury Maggie for making eyes at Victor, but instead Brady pulled a switcheroo and sarcophagized Vivian. In the process we've learned Vivian made room for Maggie in the crypt by displacing Isabella to the pet cemetery and, horror of horrors, we also learned of the death of poor Pookie the long-haired Chihuahua. I must say, drunk Brady is carrying the show right now. Just my opinion.

The final true buried-alive episode is one we've all forgotten and it doesn't quite fit the mold, but I'm going to throw it in here anyway. A few years ago Max and Mimi were trapped in a barn for whatever reason and during their own form of entombment, they scratched around looking for a way out and unearthed the body of a Civil War soldier, Lt. Dan. He had died a slow and horrible death after being walled in the foundation of the barn. I don't really remember what happened to Lt. Dan, but I do recall Max was adept at stuffing bodies into water heaters so maybe old Dan is a part of someone's plumbing somewhere these days.

And that's it for the people on DOOL who someone actually buried-alive. If I have forgotten anything, please feel free to expand on the list.

But if we get creative, we can dig up (pun intended) several cases where people were almost buried-alive. So here goes...

Faux Buried Alive Episodes

For several months Stefano DiMera kept Lexie "buried" in a tunnel under the DiMera mansion. In fact, if I recall correctly, the tunnel ran between the DiMera mansion and Doug's Place. Apparently that was so Stefano could get into Doug's Place without paying a cover charge. Eventually that tunnel was filled in with concrete. It's my speculation that's why they've never been able to find Tek Kramer (or, for that matter, Jimmy Hoffa). I also figure the fact Tek was down there with her was the reason Lexie never cared if she ever got out.

Although he was never buried, at one point Stefano woke up at his funeral in his coffin. I really don't know if this should be classified as a buried-alive or a coming-back-from-the-dead episode.

If I recall correctly, they were just about to bury Benji who was still alive, but Stefano stopped the burial at the last minute only to find out the Benjiroo had died. What a great waste of a potential buried-alive plot.

Back in April of 2007, the insipid little brat Chelsea Brady got trapped in a sewer in the bowels of Salem. Just how it happened was... let's put it this way, most people have sense enough not to walk over an open manhole cover, but not Bratula. Hated by everyone in town, Chelsea would hardly have been missed. No one had more reason to hate her than Bo because Chelsea had practically killed herself (by electrocution, you might recall) trying to break up his marriage with Hope, in order to get him back with Chelsea's mother Billie. Nonetheless, Bo and Shawn risked their lives to go down into the sewer and save the big rat Chelsea from all the other little rats scurrying around down there. They got her out in the nick of time, which was either just before the sewer blew, or the effects of Bo and Shawn's refried bean dinner kicked in.

Back in the day, Patch died and was buried and since he's still with us he must've been buried-alive. Either that or Stefano absconded with his coffin before the actual burial.

And remember the Salem Serial Killer? "Which one," you may ask. The slasher, who killed half the town... Roman, Marlena, Bo, Maggie, Jugs and Doolie... Didn't he even kill Alice with her own donuts? I think it was the first death-by-donuts scene in the history of TV. Well, everyone of them was buried before being carted off alive and well to Melaswen. How'd the evil DiMera empire pull that one off?

At one point long ago Hope and Jude-the-Dude were trapped when an avalanche buried their cabin. Wish they were still there. Although I guess it's enough of a consolation to have Hope in prison.

I vaguely recall Marlena being trapped in some cellar. Don't remember much about the story except she was wearing a white blouse that somehow managed to stay squeaky clean throughout the entire ordeal.

Then there was nutcase Meredith. I know she tried to wall Rafe into a basement, but I don't think she quite finished the job.

I think John at one point was trapped in the tunnels of Paris until Stefano's goons brought him out and nearly guillotined him. In the end they didn't behead him because they asked themselves the question, "John with a head... John without a head... what's the difference?"

It was only a little over a year ago that Brady and Melanie were trapped in the Kiriakis crypt. Details aren't important, but this event was significant because the pair were trying in vain to use a cell phone to contact the outside world. It wasn't working, so Brady came up with one of his classic lines of all time when he told Melanie, "For better phone reception, remove your bra." Makes sense.

We all remember Stephanie's recent scrape with being buried-alive when Owen, the part-time Kiriakis gardener and full-time wackadoodle, had a crush on her so he buried her alive in one of the Salem morgue drawers. Phillip broke into the morgue, buried himself alive in an adjoining drawer and somehow orchestrated Stephanie's release. The moral of this story is, if you have an obsessive crush on a gal, bury her alive to win her affections.

Finally, in one of the classic almost-buried-alive episodes of all time, Bo and Billie Reed were "buried" in a gas-filled pit. The gas drove Bo so crazy he had sex with Billie down there — come on, crazy or not, what else is there to do in a gas-filled pit? But that's really not a big deal. This was just your standard almost-buried-alive plot until Bo's wife Hope discovered them. She, of course found out they had done the BoBillieBoink and things looked pretty bad for Bo, who had once again been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Among other places. But in one of the most significant reversals of all time, Bo told Hope he was so overcome by the gas, he thought Billie was Hope. Yes, he used the "I thought it was you" defense and HOPE BOUGHT IT! This little episode changed the fortunes of philandering men everywhere. It was next used by Jack when he "accidentally" hammered the evil Madison and JENNIFER BOUGHT IT! The "I thought it was you" defense has now become a standard and has prompted the publication of "The Guy Manual - I Thought It Was You Edition."

I'm sure I've missed oodles of examples, so feel free to add your own. In the meantime, have a great weekend and don't bury anyone alive.*

*DOOL writers excluded.

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Anonymous NeeNee said...

Prevuze, once again----YOU SHOOT and SCOOOOORE! I'd forgotten many of the "almost" burieds. Do you keep a journal or google 'buried' in your files??

The Marlena-in-a-pit storyline & her squeaky white blouse had something to do with one of her patients. As I recall, it was a feisty lass named Stella. She and her family were having counseling sessions with Marlena and my memory is that said family members worshipped the great & powerful OzMarlena, and Stella snapped from jealousy. She went to an abandoned warehouse and lured Doc there, then pushed her down-down-down into some kind of pit.

Funniest thing about this (other than perpetually white peasant blouse)---Stella had flashes of sympathy for her victim: on Thanksgiving she tossed a stuffed turkey down for Marlena to munch on!

Thanks for the walk/stagger down Salem Memory Lane!

6:52 AM  
Blogger Rebekah said...

Ahhh...nothing better than prevuze humor over coffee.....thanks guys!

But in reference to Patch, it was Alamain that swapped out the coffin at Patchs funeral, just after Kayla leaves. The morons that rewrote Patch and Kayla back in screwed that up at Dool....but what else is new.

7:00 AM  
Blogger LeeLeigh said...

Prevuze, do you have a "cliff notes" book of DOOL stupidity? how do you remember all these plots? "plots" ha-ha-ha... get it?? I barely remembered some of these, though for some reason I remember Stella & Marlena. (Stella thought Marlena was in love with her husband.)

I do hope that booze-brain Brady keeps Viv under cover for a while. That's the best part of the show! As for that new doctor, he's a snooze fest. EJ is still king of the handsome contest. I'm just a sucker for that accent.

It's quite painful for your loyal subjects when you don't get a feed. Here's to hoping things get fixed. And thanks for the burial SL remembrances and the Salem Cemetery snarky pics. Keep 'em coming! Without Prevuze, I'm unable to function and must resort to Hope's sleeping pills.

7:12 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Prevuze, do you have a "cliff notes" book of DOOL stupidity? how do you remember all these plots?


Do you keep a journal or google 'buried' in your files??

Yes. I call it "Prevuze."

Actually, with a copy of the entire blog on my local computer, it becomes quite searchable & a good reference to find all the garbage I don't seem to be able to keep in my head.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Hmmm... I guess I just compared DOOL content to garbage. My apologies to garbage everywhere.

7:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually Marlena was buried alive for real as well. i forget by who, but i do remember Sami thought she heard her banging on the coffin at the funeral and when they exhumed her, there was an empty coffin with scratches all along the top.
As far as Carly goes, i think it had something to do with Lawrence. All i remember is hearing teenage Nicky crying about how he missed his mother and what a terrible cryer he is, my god he was such a bad actor. I usually judge actors by how they cry on screen and man he sucked.

8:14 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

What a great edition of Prevuze! You should bring it back to life every Memorial Day.

I'd forgotten about some of the burials, too, like Roman. The picture of him not having taken his Beano was my favorite but loved all of them.

I'll check back in over the weekend to see if anyone has remembered any more ridiculous buried alive plots. Until then, thanks for the laughs and have a nice weekend everybody. :D

PS: Word verification reeke As in some of the DOOL plots reeke like someone buried alive.

8:45 AM  
Anonymous Scolly said...

"John with a head... John without a head... what's the difference?" So true! But I still miss RoboJohn. HA

8:47 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

I'm not sure if this counts, but here goes. As the result of a supposedly nasty contract dispute, John was reduced to roadkill. After a rather maudlin funeral, he was buried and morphed into NuJohn - it was more like BetterJohn - in Rolf's laboratory. Of course, it's possible that John wasn't really in that coffin. If that was the case, can bricks be buried alive? Just askin'.

Yes, Brady, Vivian, and the sarcophagus with the pink pillow craziness is incredibly entertaining. Poor Vivian - the color of that pillow is definitely clashing with her hair.

Prevuze - thanks so much for the hysterical Saturday trip down memory lane!!!

9:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, with a copy of the entire blog on my local computer, it becomes quite searchable & a good reference to find all the garbage I don't seem to be able to keep in my head.

Remember, your words are in with the DOOL garbage, so it's like looking thru a huge pile of refuse and finding diamonds and should keep a copy of all your work on a disk in case the computer crashes. I've always felt a book entitled "The guy (& girl) manual of DOOL" would be a bestseller!

9:49 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

I'm not sure if this counts, but here goes. As the result of a supposedly nasty contract dispute, John was reduced to roadkill. After a rather maudlin funeral, he was buried and morphed into NuJohn - it was more like BetterJohn - in Rolf's laboratory. Of course, it's possible that John wasn't really in that coffin. If that was the case, can bricks be buried alive? Just askin'.

Of course it counts. We do not judge.

In fact I actually thought of using it, but there is a limit to the amount of writing one can do and still have a life elsewhere, so I omitted it. However, remembering that event, it was so obvious John would be making a comeback we published this picture, which in a graphical sense, asks the same question: CLICK HERE.

All right, I admit it. We judge. But we do it in a way that does not interfere with our equally important responsibilities of being jury and executioner.

I've always felt a book entitled "The guy (& girl) manual of DOOL" would be a bestseller!

At one point I actually started a search for a collaborator on a similar project. It's harder than it sounds, plus back in school I always got poor marks in the "works well with others" category. But to make up for it, I always got very high marks in the "self-indulgent smart aleck" category.

11:01 AM  
Anonymous Betyar said...

Thanks for the walk down the burried/almost burried alive memory lane Prevuze! I actually don't recall seeing any of the older incidents, since I only started to watch DOOL in the Spring of 08. I remember cause it was close to the time Lucas was being released from Statesville only to find Sami & EJ's burried in a pile of satin sheets.

All that aside, I would have loved to see Roman burried! since Beano was probably not available to the US market back then, I doubt he had much in the way of relief if he ate beans(or Caroline's chowder for that matter) right before being entombed!

I had heard that Bo had some sort of affair with Billy because he thought Hope was dead(it's more likely that he "wished" Hope was dead, now that I'm getting to know his true character!)...I just can't believe Hope actually bought his cochamamy explanantion! But wait, didn't Hope have an affair with John when they were stuck on a submarine? I guess she got him back! LOL!

Have a nice week-end everyone!

11:13 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Yes, Betyar, Hope as Princess Gina kidnapped John, did something to him that brought back his memories of being her partner-in-crime and proceeded to boink him in the submarine.

After the BoBillie in the pit episode, Hope retaliated by running off with Patrick to an island paradise. Nine months later, Ciara was born. Somehow, although it had been over a year since she'd been with him, the baby turned out to be Bo's. Go figure.

Fabulous stroll down memory lane, Prevuze. I'm sure there are other buried dead-or-alive stories but I can't think of them right now.

What it did remind me of was one of the funniest sequences DAYS has ever run with. Mimi & Rex accidentally "killed" Rolf and then ran all over town trying to get rid of the body. At one point he was propped up on a park bench. Bart came along and had a long soliloquy with the corpse, begging his forgiveness for something-or-other, urging him to "just listen, don't talk", etc. It was a hoot. That falls into the "presumed dead, but came back to life" category. Those s/l's from DAYS would fill a book in themselves.

Wonderful Saturday treat, Prevuze.

2:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never posted before - so I gotta say I LOVE Prevuze. You make my day. Anyhow, Vivian buried Carly alive because Carly caught Vivian trying to murder patients of Salem Hospital. Is that embarrassing that I can remember that? I've been watching days off and on since 1988 - back when it actually was sort of good.

3:09 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Vivian burying Carly alive really boiled down to one thing I think: Nicky Alamain.

Long story short. Before Carly ever came to Salem (the first time) she broke off her relationship with Lawrence and hid out from him at a convent. Carly discovered she was pregnant and Vivian took her in. Viv told her the baby was stillborn, but he wasn't and "Aunt Viv" was like a mom to him.

Flashforward years later after Carly is in Salem and with Bo. Carly starts remembering Nicky's birth. It eventually comes out that NIcky is Carly's son with Lawrence. Nicky doesn't like Carly at first, but then starts to warm up to her. Viv can't stand to watch the mother/son relationship developing. Much like the Mag/Vic storyline now, she does some completely psychotic things, one of which was having Carly injected with a substance that made her appear dead and subsequently burying her alive.

That original buried alive story was awesome. The way it was filmed was creepy!

Nice post, btw. Love the faux burial memories you brought up!

5:03 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Thank you, Prevuze, for this blog. It's good to know that other people besides me think that DOOL is ridiculous and yet still need to watch it!
There was another "trapped" storyline (late 90's?) with Marlena in which Kristin, Stefano's daughter, was married to John and she faked a pregnancy with him and somehow Marlena found out and Kristin shut her up in the mansion's basement/wine cellar. Kristin hired Susan, a pregnant look-a-like but with glasses, bad teeth, and a Southern-ish drawl to take her place when John needed to be near "Kristin" to feel her pregnant belly. Then Susan outsmarted Kristin and shoved her into the basement with Marlena and then slept with John. Of course, they all got free, Marlena and John got together, Susan met some nice English man and snuck away there, and they all sent evil Kristin to some jail in some third world country, but still sent Stefano pictures of Susan dressed as Kristin, with her baby so he would think she was okay.
The kicker? Susan's baby daddy was actually Stefano dressed as Elvis because she was obsessed with him and that baby is EJ! I think Prevuze said it years ago when EJ first came on to the DOOL scene, that if "EJ" was indeed Susan's baby, "Elvis, Jr." that it would be the fastest age push in soap opera history as in real years, that baby should only have been 8, but suddenly came to be this 30 year old man. I'm pretty sure Will is the only kid in Salem to age at a normal rate.

10:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do we have any proof that pookie is really dead... Could it be that Pookie was buried alive by Gus?? Hmm, I feel this is going to be a future plot....

8:43 AM  
Anonymous LemonGrass1985 said...

If that was the case, can bricks be buried alive? Just askin'.
If Rafe ever gets buried alive we'll know the answer to that question.

I thought Melaswan was the Salem Stalker?

3:17 PM  
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3:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot about Patch and Kayla being "buried alive" in a storm sewer in Stockholm. Roman let the water out just in time...

7:07 AM  
Anonymous KatieR said...

To a couple posts ^, Yeah, Sami heard her mother in the coffin during the Melaswen storyline.
May not be 'buried alive' but my fave/horrifying moment was Cassie falling out of the pinata. How about that for you? Buried alive/dead in a pinata? I bet that's a first for TV too. ;)

11:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved all this so much I came back to re-read it.

Will should be 14/15 so he has aged relatively normal for a soap. It was one time Sami was pregnant for less than 9 months - she & I should have been due about the same time and she had Will while I was stuck for months waiting to deliver......

I also 'fondly' remember Cassie falling out of the pinata.....and wasn't someone in a cake? Not sure you could call it buried if they weren't actually buried.

And the Rolf thing is why everyone was asking him, "aren't you dead?" when he recently came back! I love that guy.

6:53 AM  

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