Friday, January 22, 2010

Rat Bastard

The SPD strongarms drag Troy through the cop shop as Roman and Arianna stand off to the side. They take their megaphones, point them at Troy and talk about her undercover operations. Troy gets it, "NARC!" He turns to EJ, "She's a narc!"

"That's terrible," says EJ, "Narcolepsy is a strange condition, mostly found in people who watch DOOL."

Hope sits in the pub. She takes a sailboat out of her purse.

Readers: "Uh, run that by us again."

Prevuze: "She takes a sailboat out of her purse. Doesn't everyone carry a sailboat in her purse?"

Readers: "Heck no. Sailboats are sooooo 2009. Today, every well-equipped gal has the Queen Mary in there."


Hope stares at the sailboat and flashes back to her trip with Bo, "Those were better times. Carly's not a great swimmer and that was a very effective way to keep them apart." She stands up, turns to leave and runs smack-dab into Bo. The impact crushes the boat and it goes crashing to the floor in pieces. Oh the metaphor!

Maggie is in her kitchen talking about restaurant business on the phone, barely keeping herself together. She hangs up and staggers into the bottomless abyss of despair. Carly arrives and tells Maggie she and Melanie had a little run in.

Vivian is in the Kiriakis mansion foyer talking on the phone. She instructs Gus to see what he can find out on Melanie and then joins her and Phillip in the den. She de-gushes about the wedding dress incident. Then she changes the subject and asks Melanie how many of her people are coming to the wedding.

Stefano stomps around the rumpus room, "Ungrateful swine! Egotistical Judas!" Kate walks in as Stefano rants about EJ's business activities, "He lied to me. Right to my face."

Kate offers her 2¢, "You should be very cynical when it comes to EJ. You don't know the real EJ. No one does anymore."

Roman's boys struggle with Troy as he keeps screaming at EJ, "She's a narc! She's a narc!"

Stefano insists he knows his own son. Kate claims EJ has changed. Stefano tells her about the ransom note, "That's why he was liquidating his assets... so he could pay off that rat bastard. The plan went awry and the FBI get involved and the kidnapper did not show. If only he had told me I could have helped."

Kate reminds him EJ has said he won't let Sydney be part of Stefano's life. Stefano insists they can make amends. Kate says EJ is not the type to forgive and forget.

About a dozen cops have been struggling with l'il ole Troy for about a half hour and they finally manage to drag him out screaming. Brady asks EJ for an explanation. EJ says he doesn't know why Troy was talking to him.

Hope says she had bought the boat for Ciara, because Ciara has been asking so many questions about the trip they took, "I think she's planning to take one herself. She hopes to find Shawn and Belle out there somewhere and escape with them. It's just a toy boat. I can get another one." BUT she wants answers, "How could you lie to me?"

Phillip wants to go. Melanie pulls him aside, "Why are you being a butthead?"

"Because my real brain is out there smeared across the Salem Speedway and my real face is in a bio-disposal somewhere."

"Lets' give her a chance," she insists. Melanie goes back and tells Vivian her brother can't fly back from London because he's in med school. She also says her dad died over a year ago and her mom is dead too.

Phillip steps in, "Game over. The questions have to stop. Melanie's past is none of your business."

Carly and Maggie talk about the kids but Maggie just can't take it. She cuts things off. Carly starts to leave, "If you ever want to talk..."

She-Devil Mia walks in, "SHE DOESN'T. JUST GO!"

Brady grills EJ. Roman comes back and tells Arianna, "Nobody is listening to what that crumball Troy is saying." They call Roman away. Arianna thanks EJ for saving her. Brady asks him why he showed up in her apartment. EJ explains, "Samanther and I received a ransom note and the drop-off didn't go well. Everyone is taking it hard including Rafe. I showed up because I thought Arianna would want to (say it with him) be there for Rafe. Any more questions, Brady?"

Arianna says, "I have no idea why... Troy said..." EJ brushes it off and leaves.

Anna paces with Sydney and gripes about being stuck there. She turns down the thermostat and Sydney's body heats the room. Apparently her fever is getting worse.

Stefano reminds Kate she never gives up when her sons turn their backs on her. Kate says she thinks her sons are more forgiving than EJ.

Stefano hits the roof, "Which is a euphemistic way of saying my son is a pig. I know we have a special bond that will never be broken. Understand?"

EJ gets a call. Anna starts on him in and he hangs up.

Roman says, "So much for our undercover operation. The operation is over."

Arianna frets, "I didn't complete my assignment. So I go back to prison, right?"

Vivian says she didn't mean to dredge up painful memories. Phillip tells her to butt out. Victor comes in, "What's going on?"

Phillip gets sarcastic, "Katie Couric here is interrogating my fiancée."

They stop the show. An NBC Empty-Suit walks up to Phillip. Katie Couric is on CBS. If you mention another non-NBC show or personality again, we'll Conan-ize you."

Victor has a solution. He staggers to the bar, "Anybody want a drink?"

Melanie jumps in, "Uh... I just remembered Mia is at (product placement alert!) Citigroup and I don't want Maggie to be alone too long. I have to go."

Victor jumps in, "What is Mia doing at Citigroup? She doesn't have a dime."

"Neither does anyone else who did business with Citigroup last year," says Melanie, "Besides even if you don't have money, Citigroup wants your soul. But don't worry, all its executives got their big bonuses after we bailed its sorry butt out. I had to mention it, though, just to neutralize the disgusting Katie Couric crack."
Melanie leaves.

Victor fills Vivian in on Melanie's father, "Trent used to pimp out Melanie and wound up with a knife in his back."

Vivian gasps, "The same fate as my Lawrence. I'm beginning to think Melanie and Carly have a connection."

Evil Mia jumps on Carly, "You've caused enough problems."

Maggie tries to reel her in, "Mia... stop it." She gives Mia a tongue lashing and wants to know what she is doing there.

"You mean besides the fact that I live here," asks Mia, "I came back for my science book."

Maggie sees it on the counter, retrieves it and practically throws it at Mia. She tells her to leave. "I'll be back later," says Mia-dusa. She turns to Carly, "You'd better not be here."

Maggie apologizes to Carly. Carly leaves. Maggie looks at a picture of her and Mickey and collapses into a heap o' tears.

Vivian wonders aloud if Melanie might be Carly's daughter, "Isn't that fascinating?"

"Not remotely," grumbles Victor, "It's tiresome and a waste of time."

"Just like DOOL," says Vivian.

Victor rants, "First you think Mia McCormick might be Carly's daughter and now Melanie. Who's next Lexie Carver? I am sick to death of this speculation and procrastination. I want that witch gone now. I'll handle it myself, so I guess I won't need you around here, will I?"

EJ calls Anna. He tells her he didn't get the meds yet. Anna says he sounded stressed before. EJ brushes it off and hangs up as Stefano walks in.

Bo apologizes for not telling Hope about Carly's reason for coming back to the Sleazeopolis of the Midwest. Hope says she doesn't think that was the big secret, "It's something more dire. Am I right?"

Bo says he's already said everything he can, "The secret didn't end our marriage. You did."

Carly walks outside and bumps into Mia.

Vivian pouts, "It's cruel for you to say you don't need me... WAIT! I've got it! I know how to get the truth and they won't even see it coming."

Brady and Arianna hug. Roman tells Arianna there is no news on her status. He leaves and Brady is supportive. Arianna whines, "Even if I don't go back to prison Troy's boss will come after me."

Stefano asks EJ to let him help, "I'm sorry."

EJ softens, "I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry we are estranged. I'm sorry you found out about Nicole's secret and betrayed my trust. I'm sorry I may never see Sydney again because of you and I am disgusted you can stand here and profess love and devotion to me. YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE!"

Hope says she understands the fact that Carly never stopped loving him but wonders why things are happening like this now. Bo is silent. "I'll buy her another boat. It's replaceable. Everything is replaceable. Including me." She snaps her fingers, "Just like that."

Carly says she remembers Mia being receptive at one point and wonders what changed. Mia says it was her wanting to move into Maggie's. Carly says she won't bother her any more. She walks off.

Maggie sits in the dark looking at the picture. Melanie comes in, turns on the lights and asks why she was in the dark. Maggie lies and says she just walked in. Melanie asks, "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"I have them so well trained they don't need me," says Maggie.

Melanie offers to bring her the tea that helps her fall asleep. The DOOL blend. "I have to care for you," says Melanie, "You're the closest thing I'll ever have to a mommy." Maggie goes upstairs where she can brood in peace.

Kate meets Phillip at the Java Café. She says she wants to do something nice for Melanie, "I'd like to get her a wedding dress."

"Vivian already found her a dress."

"I'm surprised you would allow that," says Kate, "Vivian is dangerous. If you allow her in Melanie's life you're more stupid than I thought."

"I always like to exceed expectations," says Phillip.

Vivian shows up at Maggie's. Melanie is in the kitchen and answers the knock, "Ms. Allemain..."

"Call me Vivian. In fact call me Ma-má. Can I come in?"

Stefano unleashes his verbal flatulence, "YOU SMUG SON OF A..."

EJ interrupts, "Be careful what you say about my mother."

Stefano sneers, "Go to hell..." He leaves.

Troy calls EJ, "Look, I know I messed up, but whatever happens I won't give you up."

"Good," says chirps EJ, "You'll be safe as long as you are loyal."

Brady says he will always (say it with him) be there for Arianna, "I will protect you."

"You can't always protect me," says Arianna, "What about tonight. You didn't protect me tonight." A referee steps in and penalizes Arianna for hitting below the belt.

Carly shows up at Bo and Hope's place. She senses trouble in paradise, "What happened."

Hope broods on a park bench and looks at the broken boat. Flashback to happier times on the open seas. Bo stands in the glistening sunshine and looks into her eyes, "Tell me again, which way is starboard?"

Phillip is aghast, "I'm Even more stupid than you thought?"

"Don't take it the wrong way," says Kate.

"Just curious," says Phillip, "What is the right way to take it when someone calls you stupid?"

"I'm just concerned you're letting Vivian into Melanie and your lives," says Kate.

"If I'm supposed to forgive you," says Phillip, "Then why shouldn't I forgive Vivian?"

"Logic is the last refuge of puny minds," says Kate.

"At least with Vivian," says Phillip, "there are no brownies involved."

Kate gets defensive, "There is no proof of that."

"Melanie is a lot safer with Vivian than with you," says Phillip.

Vivian chatters and Melanie leaves to take the tea up to Maggie. Vivian stands alone and ignored, "Well, if Melanie is a dead end, maybe the blonde barbie doll will come back and I can grill her."

Gus calls, "I have excellent news. There is going to be a public flogging of all Citigroup executives."

Stefano rummages around his desk looking for papers. He brushes EJ's coat and Sydney's empty meds containers roll off the table. He picks them up and stares.

Arianna tells Brady that didn't come out right. "That's OK," says Brady, "It's impossible for me always to (say it with him) be there for you. But I will (say it with him) be there for you whenever I can (say it with him) be there for you."

Roman comes with the bad news. Arianna goes back to prison tonight.

Immediately an Arianole loyalty group starts forming (or maybe we should call it Nicanna).

Hope tosses the boat in the trash. The metaphors just keep rolling in.

Bo and Carly sit on the couch. Carly takes his hand. Bo says he doesn't want to talk. "Whatever it is," says Carly, "we'll get through it together."

Gus tells Vivian they have found more hospital records, "Melanie's birthday is a match."

"OMG," gasps Vivian, "Melanie is..."

There is a word for what happens next. Let's see... Serendipity? No... Coincidence? No... Uh... Contrived. Yeah, that's it, contrived...

Melanie walks through the kitchen door and asks, "Melanie is what? Who are you talking to?"

EJ walks in as Stefano contemplates the empty meds container, "Why do you have an infant's medicine bottle?"

And that's the way it was on day 953 of Roman Brady's involuntary life of celibacy.


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10 Comments:

Anonymous Leslie said...

"That's terrible," says EJ, "Narcolepsy is a strange condition, mostly found in people who watch DOOL."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

The impact crushes the boat and it goes crashing to the floor in pieces. Oh the metaphor!

Good gravy – spare us. Sigh.

"I think she's planning to take one herself. She hopes to find Shawn and Belle out there somewhere and escape with them.”

That makes Ciara the smart one in that family.

"Why are you being a butthead?"

"Because my real brain is out there smeared across the Salem Speedway and my real face is in a bio-disposal somewhere."

That, and the fact he actually wants to marry Melanie.

"Trent used to pimp out Melanie and wound up with a knife in his back."

Vivian gasps, "The same fate as my Lawrence.”

I believe Lawrence got it in the gut, and I don’t think Carly was pimping him out. Most mothers would be shocked and appalled to find out that their son was marrying a quasi hooker but not Vivian. Instead she’s drawing ridiculous parallels between Melanie and Carly.

Bo says he's already said everything he can, "The secret didn't end our marriage. You did."

Right on Bo!!

"At least with Vivian," says Phillip, "there are no brownies involved."

Arianna and Phillip form a tag team and hitting below the belt is their specialty.

Since his involvement in the drug business is being swept under the carpet, EJ has dodged a major bullet but now Stefano is on to the Sydnapping. While Anna is out and about, it has already been established that someone is around to watch out for Sydney. If Anna was so concerned about Sydney’s meds, why didn’t she go get them herself? Better yet – why didn’t she send off the person helping her out with Sydney? Grrrr!!!

Citigroup – Prevuze the best TARP bailout blog on the Internet!!! TGIF and TGFP!!!!!!!

5:50 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

There were just too many HUH?! moments today for me to count. But I'll bore you with a few anyway.

#1 Why would Pard talk undercover business with Arianna, not only out in public but in front of one of her suppliers?

#2. Troy is using a jail house phone to call EJ. Any COMPETENT police department would just check and see what number Troy had called.

#3. Maggie & Carly are old friends. Mia knows Maggie had even asked Carly to move in when she was first in town. Why would the little brat storm into the room, guns blazing, when the two ADULTS were having a private conversation?

OK, end of the rant for today.

"Logic is the last refuge of puny minds," says Kate.

For some reason, I just really love that statement. ;-)

"She hopes to find Shawn and Belle out there somewhere and escape with them.”

That makes Ciara the smart one in that family.


I don’t know, Leslie. Seems to me that would be like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. HA

Loved the DOOL blend of tea and our brand new vocabulary word:
Conan-ize.

Thanks, Prevuze, best media blog on the Internet®.

6:54 AM  
Anonymous bGirl said...

love the new font

As overprotective as EJ has tried to seem about his kids (though, we do have Johnny who?) and with losing Grace to an illness - you would think he would be much more concerned over this illness that Syndey has.

Mia - oh how the writers can completely change a character just like that.

With the animosity between EJ and dear ole Dad - why is it that they still reside together????

Happy Weekend everyone!

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

If the ship broke that easily where is Hope buying Ciara's toys, the Dollar General?

"Why are you being a butthead?" "Let's give her a chance." You'd think after learning Vivian buried someone alive that might have some sort of bearing on getting involved with her. Melanie isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. I LOL over the rest of that exchange, "Because my real brain is out there smeared across the Salem Speedway and my real face is in a bio-disposal somewhere." HAHAHA

(Immediately an Arianole loyalty group starts forming (or maybe we should call it Nicanna). I vote for Nicanna because when Anna gets caught in the Sydnapping scheme we can sing that banana song!

Anna Nicanna bo Anna
Banana fanna fo fanna...


Loved Pard desperate for a date and It's impossible for me always to (say it with him) be there for you. But I will (say it with him) be there for you whenever I can (say it with him) be there for you.) Well you're always there for us, Prevuze! You got us to Friday, didn't you? Have a great weekend everyone. :D

7:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:57 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Regarding the deleted comments, let me just suggest it's always a good practice to avoid liberal use of wacky tabaccy prior to making comments in public.

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:40 PM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Sorry, guys. Since one person has decided not to play nice, comments are now on moderated status.

I hate being the blog Nazi.

12:43 PM  
Blogger I Love Baby Quilts! said...

LOL about Roman! So true!

11:45 AM  

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