Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Conniving Little Slut

EJ walks into the mansion, "Nicole... I'm home." Silence. (Enjoy it while you have it... Chloe and Lucas are on together later) He finds a bottle of champagne on ice in the rumpus room, reads the card and takes the bottle upstairs.

The camera pans up Nicole's legs. And pans... and pans... and pans... EJ walks in. Nicole gets up and slinks over to him, "Remember when I said I would make you happy?"

EJ smiles, "You already have."

Nicole moves in on him, "You ain't seen nothin' yet."

Kate and Victor are together at Titan. She pesters him and says she wants to talk about Chloe. Victor can't figures what Chloe did to incur her wrath, "So tell me, just what did she do?"

"She slept with another man."

Chloe tries to reach Lucas, but the call goes to voicemail. She tells Will he could talk to Lucas and tell him the same thing he just told her. Will asks, "You mean tell him he would make a terrible stepmother?"

Daniel and Lucas talk about Chloe. Lucas wonders if Daniel is keeping something from him.

Sami runs into Rafe's arms, "I-wah-need-wah-you-wah! I can't take this any more. WAHHHHHHH!"

A gal in the audience stands up and shouts, "Neither can we!"

Nicole and EJ exchange their perfunctory "I love yous." Somehow they wind up on the bed.

Sami babbles and blubbers all over Rafe's leather jacket, which shrinks about two sizes. She rants about Nicole but says she hates it that she's right, and if she wants EJ out of her life Sami has to stay away from Rafe. But she wants Grace back and her kids and wah, wah, Rafe too.

Rafe whoas her up, "Calm down."

Sami turns up the spigot, "I can't calm down, and I can't keep doing this."

Rafe asks, "You have 127 personalities. Don't you have even one that's calm?"

Sami thinks for a minute, "Florence is a 92-year old WWII nurse who is in a coma."

Rafe says, That'll do. Let's visit with her for a while."


Sami turns and says she's going to get Grace, but Rafe stops her, "You can't go get her. You just can't."

EJ... Nicole... afterglow. Nicole is sooooo happy. EJ tells her things will only get better. Apparently the dimwit has decided to leave her.

Kate tells Victor she doesn't know what will happen when Lucas finds out Chloe is having her affair, "I don't know what it will do to his self esteem."

Victor asks, "He has some?"

Kate says she has two goals, "To stop the wedding and to make Chloe suffer intensely." She continues her rant, "Lucas will be so humiliated."

"That's better than being married to her," says Victor, "Of course, botulism would be better than being married to her." He suggests rather than telling Lucas, Kate arrange for him to find out the truth himself.

Will says he's 16 and too young to get involved with Chloe and Lucas' problem, "I wonder if there is something the two of you aren't talking about."

"If there is one thing the two of us can do," says Chloe, "It's talk. And talk... and talk... and talk."

Rafe says there are things he and Sami need to talk though before she gets grace. He tells her about Roman's suspicions that the DiMeras are involved in the mayor's murder. And just when you thought Sami couldn't go any farther off the deep end, she blows a gasket because she's been DiMera-bashing all this time and Rafe wouldn't believe her. Rafe says he wants her to get Grace back, but when she does it must be forever.

"Forever DOOL time," says Sami, "or forever real time?"

Will thinks the problem Lucas and Chloe are having somehow involves his mom, "My parents... they're supposed to be together OK?"

Chloe says, "They've both moved on. It's not gonna happen." Translation: The Lumis can break out the champagne.

Will asks, "What – do you think I'm some dumb kid looking for a happy ending?"

"You're not. I don't think you are looking for a happy ending."

Lucas is confused. The sky is blue. Grass is green. The sun is bright. Water is wet. Daniel tells him not to try to figure out everything about Chloe, and he also says he would never risk losing her... if he were Lucas, that is.

Kate runs through the string of romantic disasters Lucas has had, "I just wanna tell him Chloe's a conniving little slut and Mommy will not let you marry her."

"And then he will never speak to you again," says Victor.

"That's OK," says Kate, "I'm already in the Guinness Book of World Records for the number of times a mother has been disowned by her son." But in this case, she agrees she has to arrange for a way for Lucas to find out on his own, "It would be easier just to shoot her."

"Then she would only suffer for a moment," says Victor, "We want her to suffer for a lifetime."

Kate agrees, "So what you're saying is we should let her go ahead and marry Lucas?" Kate's wheels turn. She decides she knows what to do, and leaves.

Victor says, "Chloe, you're not gonna know what hit you."

The Prevuze unabashed dictionary defines "The good old days" as: the time before the riffraff
discovered Twitter.


Chloe tries to play nice with Will, "If I promise never to talk again, can we be friends?" Talk about an offer Will can't refuse... Will leaves.

Daniel advises Lucas to cut Chloe a break, "If you don't go find Chloe right now and tell her you will do whatever she wants, you are an idiot." Predictably Lucas stays glued to his chair. Daniel leaves.

Rafe thinks Sami is being held captive by the DiMeras and that's no way for anyone to live. So, Sami wonders what she is supposed to do. "We can take the DiMeras down," says Rafe, "We prove they were involved with the mayor's murder and you can get your life back."

Nicole thinks their little romp was overdue. EJ doesn't know what to say, so he consults the Guy Manual, "Tell her it was worth the wait." EJ tells her.

Nicole gushes, "Do you really mean that?"

EJ again consults the guy manual, "Lie."

Nicole says she never imagined she could be so happy, "There is nothing else I need."

EJ teases, "Well, there was this one thing I was going to get you, but I guess I don't have to do that now."

Nicole badgers him, "What? Tell me! What?"

"It's a little ring that goes on the finger when you get married."

"And I have one for your nose," says Nicole, "I guess there are other things I like. I also like mansions... shoes... a car... a pony..."

EJ says, "Promise me you will never change." Nicole promises.

Sami tells Rafe people have tried to bring Stefano down before. She says she believes in Rafe's abilities, but worries that it could take a long time. Suddenly, Sami has a rare lucid thought, "What if the DiMeras find out I have a child but not EJ's? What if I adopt? But I need your help. We can do it together."

Rafe asks, "We?"

"Oui."

Chloe tires again to reach Lucas. She leaves a message as Lucas walks in and listens. Chloe turns, sees him and they both immediately decide they want another chance. Hugs.

Kate finds Daniel at the Cheatin' Heart. She tells him point blank she heard Chloe is having an affair, "Tell me it's not true."

Sami senses Rafe's reluctance, and says she thinks she's moving too fast with the "we" thing. Will finds them and wonders what they are doing out without adult supervision. Sami makes the introductions. "I've heard good things about you," says Rafe.

Will quips, "Whatever Mom has told you she's probably making stuff up."

Sami gives a nervous chuckle, "Will has his father's sense of humor."

Just to prove she's right, Will pulls out a fire extinguisher, aims it at them and lets them have it. Rafe leaves.

"Ill bet he was thrilled to see me," says Will, ". Guys love meeting their girlfriend's 16 year old kid."

Lucas tells Chloe he'll marry her any way she wants to do it.

Kate tells Daniel the source of her information is "privileged." She thinks this could explain Chloe's behavior and Lucas' drinking. But she doesn't think Lucas really knows because he couldn't hide that kind of pain. Daniel reminds Kate Chloe saved her life. Kate brushes that aside and continues to press, "When my source described things, the first person that popped into my mind was you."

Sami insists she and Rafe are just friends and remembers when she was 16 her mom said she couldn't wait until Sami had her own 16 year old to bug her. Will thinks Sami and Rafe's goodbye was too intense for just friends. He tells her about talking to Chloe. Will figures his parents have both moved on. He says he isn't worried about Lucas and Chloe, but he says he is worried about Sami and Rafe.

Rafe sits at a desk and flashes back to his job offer and then to his conversation with Sami – you know, the one they just had two minutes ago, but can't remember so they have to show it to us again. He continues to ponder and finally says, "You don't have to worry, Sami."

Chloe thinks Lucas agreed to elope too quickly, "I don't want to roll over you."

"I don't know," says Lucas, "That sounds like fun." Chloe tells him she talked to Will, who said it was important for Lucas to have his family around for the wedding. Lucas says he's good with just Chloe around. Smooches.

Kate reminds Daniel she asked him before what was going on between him and Chloe. Daniel says it's just that he and Chloe got to know each other. He suggests she forget she heard the rumor and let Chloe and Lucas be happy.

Kate goes for the jugular, "That answer surprises me. I would have thought a man like you would have fought for her."

EJ sleeps. Nicole looks at Sydney and thanks God for everything she has. Her phone buzzes. Nicole picks up, listens, and then whispers, "What do you want? Why do you keep calling me here?"

Will gets agitated. He says he thinks Sami is up to something and trying to get Rafe to help. He thinks things are about to go wrong.

Rafe calls and passes on the New York job offer, 'I'm gonna stay right here in Salem."

Lucas comes up for air, "Wow. I think we kiss better than we talk. When it comes to talking, you and I both opt for quantity over quality." Lucas tells her they're going to Vegas tonight to elope.

Chloe squeals, "Oh, thank you!"

Prevuze

Daniel says, "How dare you say something like that!"

Kate says that was just an interrogation technique and it was wrong of her to ask it like that, "I'll make it simple. Are you now or have you ever been involved with Chloe?"

NOTE – you can now follow Prevuze on twitter at: http://twitter.com/prevuze

Prevuze II has a video of the daily show previews, which should be available by noon (EST) on any given day. To see Prevuze II: CLICK HERE


11 Comments:

Anonymous Berg said...

Next time Prevuze could you:
1. Give a girl a warning before discussing EJ and Nicole sex
2. Pass out a few barf bags
3. Put flashing lights on your page that make a "woot, woot" sound
4. Issue a medical warning in case one has a bad heart or in this case, just ate breakfast.

I nearly lost mine, and in fact, I think - wait, yes I did vomit a little bit in my mouth. GROSS!

Thankfully I am still boycotting the show so I won't go blind. Hmmm.. can you get hysterical blindness from reading something so vile and horrible?

You would think that when they upgraded Will, they would have upgraded his whiney character to boot, but no such luck.

Best part of the show today? Again...VICTOR. Love that man.

Anyone care about the elopment to Vegas - speak up now....crickets.

I am about ready to take an icepick to my head over Sami. Hysterical prevuism on Sami and her multiple personalities. Rafe is very observant that not want is calm. Thankfully there is a 94 year old WWII nurse in a coma - can we see more of her?

Thanks again for saving the masses Prevues - without you life is just not worth living.

4:02 AM  
Anonymous wekng1 said...

EW!!! More Ejole sex! Yuck. Not what I want to read or see. The only saving Grace in all of this is that their relationship will be over when EJ finds out what she's done. TG!!! It took Sami months and months to come up with that plan!? Yeah, no one is going to question an unemployed mothers of 4, 2 of which are under 5 adopting a baby. Brilliant Sami. *rolls eyes* I thank God for prevuze. If it wasn't for you, I would be watching all of this stuff in horror. You save me the trouble.

4:56 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

Nicole moves in on him, "You ain't seen nothin' yet."

I can only hope they are doing a silly parody of Bachman-Turner Overdrive to post on YouTube.

Sami runs into Rafe's arms, "I-wah-need-wah-you-wah! I can't take this any more. WAHHHHHHH!"

A gal in the audience stands up and shouts, "Neither can we!"


Amen sister!

EJ tells her things will only get better. Apparently the dimwit has decided to leave her.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

"I don't know what it will do to his self esteem."

Victor asks, "He has some?"


Victor just keeps getting all the best lines!

"It's a little ring that goes on the finger when you get married."

"And I have one for your nose," says Nicole, "I guess there are other things I like. I also like mansions... shoes... a car... a pony..."


Pony? I certainly hope there were no animals harmed in making this episode.

I must agree with wekng1. What credible agency would adopt out a child to Sami? Who in their right mind would even believe a credible agency would allow Sami to adopt a baby? Sami already has twins that don’t live with her. Apparently, the fathers’ both have primary custody of the babies. I haven’t quite figured out how that happened. Sami spent three months in the witless protection program…not in jail. She should be able to retain her custodial rights. Rafe is an idiot to pass on a job in another state just to be sucked into Sami’s drama and be her protector. Sami’s father is deputy commander of the SPD, and her uncle is chief of police. With all the resources at their disposal, why can’t they protect her? Maybe Sami just prefers leather clad hunks to watch out for her.
Good grief!

Kudos to Bulldog for another excellent Salem toast, and to Prevuze for an outstanding hump day update!!!

5:23 AM  
Blogger Klaus said...

lol. Had to wonder who the title was about, Chloe, Melanie, Stephanie, Sami, Nicole... Dr. Dan.

Victor asks, "He has some?"
A finer question hasn't been asked in awhile.

Will says he's 16...
I guess that could mean that he isn't the father of Mia's baby. Please let this be so.

Chloe says, "They've both moved on. It's not gonna happen." Translation: The Lumis can break out the champagne.
lolololol!

"I'm already in the Guinness Book of World Records for the number of times a mother has been disowned by her son."
A prevuism or lampshading? Either way, haha.

EJ says, "Promise me you will never change."
Bad promise.

Just to prove she's right, Will pulls out a fire extinguisher, aims it at them and lets them have it.
Haha!

"When my source described things, the first person that popped into my mind was you."
Ha, Leslie was right on with "The Spider and the Fly".

He thinks things are about to go wrong.
NuWill seems to be as intelligent as OldWill.

Yeah, no one is going to question an unemployed mothers of 4, 2 of which are under 5 adopting a baby
Bwhaha! Very excellent point. That escaped me for whatever reason. But since she doesn't actually take care of any of her current children, she has all the time in the world to dote on Grace.

As an NYC citizen, I don't want Rafe tarnishing my good, innocent city... yep.

5:55 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Bulldog is certainly becoming the Toastmaster of Prevuze. Well done! I also got a kick out of the disgusting Internet activity pic. lol

All I want to know is why WE haven't gotten a chance to know Florence?

"I don't know what it will do to [Lucas’] self esteem." Victor asks, "He has some?"

I really hope Vic said that! I'm with Klaus, with Luclueless’s track record with women I’d be asking the same thing.

Happy Hump Day everyone and thank YOU Prevuze for helping us through it.

6:37 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

AAAhhh...LOL over just the memory of Prevuze' moving picture of Lucas and the fire extinguisher! HAHAHAHAHA

I thought Nicole was already wearing a rock the size of Gibralter. What's she going to wear another one on top of that one?

And thanks for the compliment, Applecheeks. I didn't realize until I started the toast pictures these people all drink like fish.

A couple of yet unmentioned Prevuisms: the grossed out cops outside the room with Ho and Dope and flashing back to the Rami conversation they just had. A typical DOOL time-wasting technique.

Lucas is confused. The sky is blue. Grass is green and Prevuze is great! Thanks. :D

8:11 AM  
Anonymous WingNut '75 said...

Wow - 2 days worth of Prevuze to catch up on since I was out of the office yesterday. If only every day could be a double dose of Prevuze! (and no doses of DOOL)

Comments from yesterday's post:

Admit it, you didn't even have to click on that link, did you?

No, but I still did. And I still LMAO!

"Shhhh," says Abe, "It's today's donut order. We're switching from Dave's Donuts to Connie's Confections. Don't tell anyone."

Poor Dave - the latest victom of the terrible economy. Now that he's lost his prize customer in the SPD, do you think he'll qualify for a federal bailout?

"I have an offer in Detroit," says Baker.

"Great," says Nicole, "I hear the streets are paved with gold there."

"True," says Baker, "They spent their money on streets instead of a football team.


Proof positive that Prevuze has NEVER been to Detroit - or anywhere else in Michigan, for that matter. I'm not sure where our gas tax money goes, but it's darn sure NOT being used on our roads (or our football team)!

"All good thins must come to an end," says Baker.

"I guess that means DOOL will go on forever," says Nicole.


The audience screams as one, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Most of my other comments were addressed by others, but I have to add my voice to the WTH crowd questioning the SORASing of Grace (sitting up at 2 weeks?) and I had to LOL at the SPD Application.

Thanks, Prevuze, for the laughs. It helps after a long morning in the dentist's chair.

I feel you, Bulldog. I'll be looking forward to my Prevuze fix tomorrow morning after spending some time in the old dentist's chair.

Comments from today:

Kate tells Victor she doesn't know what will happen when Lucas finds out Chloe is having her affair, "I don't know what it will do to his self esteem."

Victor asks, "He has some?"

and

"That's better than being married to her," says Victor, "Of course, botulism would be better than being married to her."

Good to see someone is picking up where NuJawn left off!

Chloe thinks Lucas agreed to elope too quickly, "I don't want to roll over you."

Why not? Sami rolled over him so many times that he wouldn't be much of a speed-bump anymore.

Kate says that was just an interrogation technique and it was wrong of her to ask it like that, "I'll make it simple. Are you now or have you ever been involved with Chloe?"

Dr. Grope-a-granny pulls out the Bill Clinton "How to respond to direct interrogation" manual and replies, "That depends on what your definition of involved is."

Absolutely LOVED the new toast from Kate - great one, Bulldog!

Thanks a ton Prevuze - way to make a dreary, snowy hump day bearable!

9:35 AM  
Anonymous Betyar said...

Ugh, Ecoli Sex again!?!?! I have my barf bad ready for tomorrow's eppisode of DOOL. I get the shivers just think about it!!! Better yet, I'll skip the show and watch the non-contaminated parts on youtube! That's my plan and I'm sticking to it!

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i dont think there be an agency involved in sami's plan. i think she is just going to bring grace home and say she adopted her or maybe that something happened to the child's parents. its not like sister theresa isnt just going to give her her baby back.

11:52 AM  
Blogger Klaus said...

Point taken anon. It's just how on earth will anyone believe that Sami got an agency to give her a child, given her predicaments.

But this is Dool - they'll either look the other way or start nosily investigating. Depending on what the plot needs, of course.

5:11 PM  
Blogger Brendamouse said...

Will asks, "What – do you think I'm some dumb kid looking for a happy ending?"


What breathing 16 year old boy ISN'T looking for a "happy ending"?

5:21 AM  

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