Thursday, January 08, 2009

Poodle Pants

The camera pans to sleeping Rafe. Sami tries to steal his cell phone. Rafe wakes up, "I just had a horrible dream. I was trapped in a lame, low budget soap opera." He conks out again. Sami decides she has to get out of there.

Lucas says he is glad Chelsea came to the party. He says he knows it's not a day at the beach for her to hang out with Daniel and Kate around, and then tells her they broke up. Chelsea thinks he's not telling her everything. "Like what," asks Loserclueless.

Chelsea says, "Like one of them has moved on and Daniel has probably met somebody else. You, know, like the girlfriend of some poor schmuck who thinks she still loves him..."

Chloe insists she has to get downstairs. She opens the door and tells Daniel to go. Daniel gets in her face, takes a peek and says, "Look me in the eye and tell me you want me to leave."

Chloe pants, "I want... I want..."

"Me too."

He gets... he gets...

Sami makes sure Rafe is out cold. She pries the cell phone from his cold, nearly dead hands, but Rafe snaps awake, "What's going on?"

Melanie comes up to the bar and wants to know what's wrong with Max. He tells her about getting invited and uninvited to the engagement party all in one breath.

Maggie and Marlena are together at a table. Maggie the gossip hound digs for information.

John pops into Charlotte's office. She's preparing to videotape the session. John tells her he's changed his mind again.

Chelsea gets upset about Daniel dumping Kate. Kate walks in as they talk. Chelsea asks why Kate let Daniel go. "If you love someone," says Kate, "set them free."

"That's certainly what all the guys I love want," says Chelsea.

Chloe and Daniel huff, puff and maul each other. Suddenly, she throws him across the room, "Don't do that. I think you're just out to score just to prove a point."

"I don't want some dirty affair," says Daniel, "So let's keep I clean." They argue about how Chloe feels.

"Don't tell me how I feel," screams Chloe.

"Then you tell me."

"You're with Kate and I'm with Lucas," says Chloe, "End of story." Daniel drops the Kate bomb. That stops Chloe in her tracks. She continues to protest, "I love Lucas, OK?"

Daniel asks, "Do you think about him day and night like me?"

Chloe asks, "You think about Lucas day and night? "

Prevuze

Chloe says, "Lucas is everything that I want. He has definite 'henpeck' potential."

Melanie pumps Max for info on the party, "Was it Chelsea?" Max insists he and Chelsea are just good friends. Max tells her about Chelsea's non-invitation to the engagement party.

Melanie asks, "So you're sulking?"

"Working."

"Moping."

"Smiling."

Maggie wants to "help" Marlena. Marlena says she senses a change in John. Maggie laps it up. Marlena wishes she knew more about Charlotte.

Charlotte tries to convince John to go through with the session, "I understand this is tough for you. I'm asking you to jump off a cliff and you have no idea what's down there."

John thinks that one over, "Alex North's body?"

Sami is concerned about Rafe. He says he'll be OK once they get the fever down, "I just need a couple aspirin and a cold shower."

Sami asks, "But if you can't even stand up..."

Rafe says, "That's where you come in. We have to shower together. I'm a federal agent. Do it for Homeland Security. DO IT FOR AMERICA! "

Chelsea asks Kate about the breakup. Kate tells her it's none of her business, but says she knows she made the right decision. Chelsea wonders how Daniel took it.

Kate sticks her nose in the air, "Well, of course, with a woman like me he's naturally devastated."

Devastated or not, Daniel is certainly preoccupied. He says he thinks whatever is going on between Chloe and him won't go away. Chloe says she didn't want this to happen but it did, "They write operas about this stuff and they never end well. They write soap operas about it and they just never end. My life that I want is with Schmuckus. I will be a faithful wife!"

"He doesn't want you to be faithful," says Daniel, "He wants you to want him."

Chloe screams, "Like I want you? There... I said it. Happy now?"

Rafe and Sami discuss the delicate maneuvering which will be required for her to help him shower. Sami still thinks a sponge bath is in order. Rafe vetoes the idea. "You're as weak as a kitten," says Sami, "and still macho as hell." Sami agrees to help him. Then we have the uncomfortable discussion about the arrangements, "Uh... just how much participation do you need from... me?"

"Just get me there," says Rafe, "and I'll handle the rest."

"Dang it!"

Sami helps him to the bathroom. As they stagger across the room, we pan back to the bed and zone in on his cell phone. Once she has mother-henned him into the bathroom, Sami turns, sees the phone, picks it up and dials.

"PUT THE PHONE DOWN NOW, SISTER!"

A dead horse lies in the room in front of Kate and Chelsea and they continue to beat it. Another dead horse named Lucas walks into the room. Kate says she wants what he and Chloe have together, "I know Sami and Nicole didn't set the bar very high, but Chloe is a one in a million girl... Which, by the way, is exactly the same as the odds she'd really be interested in a goofball like you."

Chloe cries, "In the opera Fedra she has an aria where she has a knife and says if she could just cut away the pain... This is not love. We have one thing in common. Just one."

"No," insists Daniel, "There is a connection. I feel like I've been waiting for you my whole life."

"Don't hand me a line like that," says Chloe, "I've read the Guy Manual."

Downstairs, Lucas wonders what's keeping Chloe, "I feel like I've been waiting for her my whole life."

Chloe says, "Love is what Lucas feels for me." Daniel moves up to her and takes her by the arm. Chloe screams, "Don't touch me!"

SLAP!

"How could you do this to me," she bawls, "How could you do this tonight?"

Maggie continues to dig like a dog in a boneyard.

John is under. Charlotte says, "Visualize a private place... Calm and quiet." John visualizes a place without Marlena. She asks what he remembers about yesterday.

John drones, "DOOL almost didn't feed. We nearly didn't get Prevuze. It was awful."

Marlena says she wants to be the one to help John and it bothers her that Charlotte got through to him when she couldn't. Maggie trembles with excitement as more juicy details come out.

Time has passed in John's session. Charlotte says, "Go back another year. What do you see?"

"I see nothing but darkness," says John.

"Perhaps we've gone a bit too far," says Charlotte, "Maybe I should start asking you what Roman sees."

Hilda yanks the phone from Sami. Sami tells her about the shower. Hilda snorts, "And who were we calling, Samantha?"

"Don't talk to me like that," snaps Sami, "You're going back to your evil queen persona."

Hilda snipes, "What you think of me is none of my concern, poodle pants." Sami says she doesn't know how long she can take this. Hilda says they are closing in on the killer and need her to wait just a little longer, "You're safe. Rafe and I can't let anything happen to you."

Tubbo strolls up to Sleazo, "I have some information you'll be interested in... some expensive information." Tubbo shows Sleazo a picture of Hilda, "She knows where that girl is."

Kate decides to ask Henderson for more hors o'dourves and leaves.

Lucas and Chelsea discuss Kate's mood. Chelsea thinks Kate should be upset about Daniel. Lucas asks what Chelsea thinks about him and Chloe. Chelsea gives their relationship her blessing. And chokes.

Brainiac is a little skeptical that Chelsea is sincere. Chelsea mulls it over, "Think of it as love at 367th sight."

Chloe screams, "I hate you! No... I hate myself. I was supposed to be so happy but now I just feel so alone." Daniel is so sorry he has caused all this but, hey, hot sex will make anything better so he dives in.

Maggie encourages Marlena to check up on Charlotte.

Charlotte says, "Look into the darkness. You will see a light. Soon it will be bright enough to see something from your past. What do you see."

John flashes back, "I see big hair. On both of us."

Hilda says she has another case to get to, so she's really there to say goodbye. Translation: funeral services are pending.

Sami discovers Hilda is knitting booties. Hilda says she will get them to Sami when she is done. She decides to trust Sami and leaves Rafe's phone with her, "Pinky swear you won't make a call." Sami swears. Hilda goes to the door and gives her parting shot, "At ease private!"

Sami chains the door as Rafe comes out half naked. He staggers slowly across to the bed in order to extend the gratuitous shirtless scene.

Maggie and Marlena sign off. Marlena Googles Charlotte.

John flashes back to young... uh, middle aged... uh, John and Marlena before they had to use walkers.

"What do you remember," asks Charlotte.

"The love of my life." John smiles, "My 1987 Porsche."

Hilda walks along the dock. Sleazo comes up behind her, "Your picture doesn't do you justice. You have something I want. Sami Brady."

Sami helps Rafe onto the bed. She fluffs his pillows and his rippling muscles. Rafe zonks out. Sami grabs the phone and contemplates, "No... A promise is a promise." Miss Honesty decides she didn't promise to stay put, so she grabs her stuff and leaves.

Chelsea tells Lucas she thinks Chloe is a very lucky woman.

"I love her so much," says Lucas, "I'm thinking about growing up."

"No love is that strong," says Chelsea.

Kate comes in and asks about Chloe, "I can't wait to see her in that green dress."

Upstairs, Daniel can't wait to see her out of it.

Lucas thinks it's time to go up and get Chloe to speed things up a bit, "When I return I will have my beautiful bride-to-be. Maybe you guys can help me figure out where to bury her body."

Lucas leaves. Kate turns to Chelsea, "I don't think I have ever seen Lucas so happy. She then asks Henderson if he knows where Daniel is. Henderson is as clueless as Lucas on a mission to find Chloe.

Back upstairs, tongues fly... Clothes fly... Goofus comes up to the door and fondles the doorknob. Daniel fondles other things.


Previews
========

You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website. Prevuze II should be up no later than noon, Eastern Time.

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18 Comments:

Anonymous crpedm said...

I don't see how you can keep from placing your head in a gas oven and turning it on. This show is dreadful, and it makes a funeral seem like a lively affair. Prevuize, you have my sympathy.

5:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The bright side to John and Marlena leaving is I won't have to watch Days anymore, but I'm still gonna miss John. I didn't mind weeding through the garbage to see him. He's been great this year.

5:38 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

Rafe wakes up, "I just had a horrible dream. I was trapped in a lame, low budget soap opera."

Sounds like the nightmare I am living…I feel compelled to watch a lame, low budget soap opera.

"If you love someone," says Kate, "set them free."

…but be sure they pay for your services before you let them go.

Kate sticks her nose in the air, "Well, of course, with a woman like me he's naturally devastated."

Apparently, lung cancer hasn’t affected Kate’s ego.

Sami agrees to help him. Then we have the uncomfortable discussion about the arrangements, "Uh... just how much participation do you need from... me?"

"Just get me there," says Rafe, "and I'll handle the rest."


I am convinced that the job description for a writer on DOOL requires the applicant to be at least 13 years of age and have completed only the eighth grade. Part of the selection process requires the applicant to provide the titles and the names of the authors for 20 romance novels they have read. As proof that the aforementioned novels were actually read, the applicant needs to include a brief synopsis of the plot and an example of a titillating confrontation between the hunk hero and the fair about to be deflowered heroine. Due to the budget cuts, TPTB hire no one but they keep all the romance novel information so it can be “borrowed” by the hack writers already on staff. Give me a break…a cold shower? If Rafe needs to cool down, how about some rubbing alcohol? This witness protection nonsense has been dragging on for a couple of months. How do they get their food delivered…Peapod? Sami or Rafe should have been adding medical supplies to the shopping list along with the Cheerios.

Chloe screams, "Don't touch me!"

SLAP!

"How could you do this to me," she bawls, "How could you do this tonight?"


See, I’m right…that’s pure romance novel garbage. Geez.

"Go back another year. What do you see?"

"I see nothing but darkness," says John.

"Perhaps we've gone a bit too far," says Charlotte, "Maybe I should start asking you what Roman sees."


As always, Prevuze can be counted on for a DOOL history lesson.

Kate turns to Chelsea, "I don't think I have ever seen Lucas so happy.”

Well, that is certainly the kiss of death to the Lucas/Chloe relationship. Lucas immerged from prison only to be given the IQ of a house fly. Once again, Lucas is a wasted character but he does provide a wealth of snarking opportunities. Talk about snark…the Nicole/EJ photo is hysterical. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Nicole has already had the engagement ring appraised.

6:03 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Three of my favorite prevuisms from today:

Daniel asks, "Do you think about him day and night like me?" Chloe asks, "You think about Lucas day and night? "

A dead horse lies in the room in front of Kate and Chelsea and they continue to beat it.

Charlotte…asks what he remembers about yesterday. John drones, "DOOL almost didn't feed. We nearly didn't get Prevuze. It was awful."


This one got me to thinking: John thinks that one over, "Alex North's body?"

We know that Charlotte is going to try & kill John & Marlena so there must be some big, bad deed they have done in the past to tick her off. I’m guessing that either Alex North was the love of her life OR Alex, after his fall, got extensive plastic surgery and he IS Charlotte. LOLOL

Thank you, Cfish for the Shawn update. Thank you, Bulldog for your vigilance on the fashion front. And thank YOU, Prevuze, for your on-going efforts to keep us sane by watching this insanity for us.

6:27 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

I still have hanky to eyes, drying my tears from thinking of the rest of that beloved saying "If you love it set it free. If it comes back to you it was yours to keep and if it doesn't it's Daniel already off groping someone else." **SNIFF**

Question for Prevuze - did Sami at least MENTION to Hilda that Rafe is unwell? I think I'd say something about a bodyguard so helpless at the moment he can barely stagger across the room by himself. Somehow I just wouldn't feel I was getting my moneys worth.

Great pictures and so many great Prevuisms today! Among those already mentioned I LOL over the descriptive image of Maggie trembling at new gossip and that other dead horse named Lucas.
HAHAHAHA

Sami is doing her bit for Homeland Security and America and Prevuze is doing a great service for the DOOL viewers who can't sit through it in its entirety without putting us in the same condition as Rafe. I think we should nominate Prevuze for the purple heart! Thanks! :D

8:01 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Question for Prevuze - did Sami at least MENTION to Hilda that Rafe is unwell? I think I'd say something about a bodyguard so helpless at the moment he can barely stagger across the room by himself. Somehow I just wouldn't feel I was getting my moneys worth.

Y'know, BD, that is an excellent question. And while it is our practice NEVER to go back and watch segments again to determine what happened (come on, I can't stand this stuff the first time through), I believe I can safely say Samantha said nothing about Rafe's condition. Nada. Zip, Bupkis.

I would again point out that Sami is nothing more than a thirtysomething adolescent, but the fact is most adolescents are not that irresponsible and boneheaded.

8:31 AM  
Anonymous Betyar said...

OMG, aftere seeing that scene of Lucas turning the doorknob, it was deja vu of when he found Sami and EJ together in bed. The only difference is that Chloe and Daniel couldn't find a bed so they settled for the couch! Ouch! Man, Luclueless is really dense isn't he? At least last time he was clueless because he was stuck in prison. What's his excuse this time??? Fast, someone grab the wig off Lucas's head. There's gotta be a blond hiding under there...DOOL's been deceiving us all these years! Thanks for the pics guys...they had me cracking up early this morning! LOL

9:17 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Prevuze - I know you NEVER go back and check, but I'm wondering about Hilda calling Sami "Poodle Pants". (Loved it by the way.)

Is Ms. Brady-Reed-Roberts-Horton-Dimera in some sort of fluffy outfit, or is that just an endearing nickname Hilda is using? Inquiring minds....

9:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't wait for the whole Chole/Lucas thing to be over! And Dr. Dan saying "you have been the one I have been waiting for" or some nonsense like that, oh please!!

Thanks for all the Prevuzeisms!

9:57 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

I'm wondering about Hilda calling Sami "Poodle Pants". Is Ms. Brady-Reed-Roberts-Horton-Dimera in some sort of fluffy outfit, or is that just an endearing nickname Hilda is using? Inquiring minds....

She's wearing a pair of those pants you normally see poodles running around in.

10:18 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

OK, OK, OK. She's actually running around in the same sweatsuit-chic outfit she's had on for a while. I think it's those 'one size fits all' stretch pants, where 'one size' includes the Goodyear Blimp after the helium tanks filling it ran amok.

10:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read Prevuze faithfully, but haven't watched the show in a while. Is EJ going for the Luclueless hair-do now? It looks like it in the picture that is posted today. I don't like the look on Luclueless, and certainly not on hunky EJ!

11:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey now, shame on you Prevuze for picking on pregnant women :) If she ever needs one, Sami can use that sweatsuit to make a parachute, in case she needs to jump out of an airplane as she's being persued by the evil DiMeras...didn't you ever think about the many uses of Maternity otfits? They shouldn't just go to waste. After all DOOL needs all the props they can get to help them out with the current budget cuts.

12:22 PM  
Anonymous WingNut '75 said...

where 'one size' includes the Goodyear Blimp after the helium tanks filling it ran amok

I did a spit take on that one and I didn't even have anything in my mouth! Of course, I'll have to keep my pregnant wife from reading Prevuze today... :-)

1:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe Hilda was referring to the poodle in Sami's pants.....

5:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL....hey, I just read that one square yard of fabric will slow a free-falling body by 20%....just in case Sami needs to jump to her doom in the wake of the worst 4 months of DOOL I've ever seen....

11:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

About the only thing that could happen right now to make this show worth watching is Brady telling EJ about Nicole's little scam. BTW, does anyone else wonder um, how exactly she intends to pay Mia (who is going to move to Tokyo?) for the baby, considering she's just mooching off the diMera's??

11:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought Nicole was gonna get a loan from John...but after all these sessions with the shrink he might start remembering who he is...and then he might remember who SHE is, and that whole plan to bail-out the fake baby bump strapping Ho will just go up in smoke! Although I'm sure the writers already have a plan D ready to go; the DUMBER one of the last dumb Dool plots.

11:51 PM  

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