Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Pure Horsepoop

I have absolutely nothing to say today. So I'll do what they do in Salem – ramble.

This is a very auspicious day. I should hold a contest to see if you know why, but that would be work and I'm not in the mood. Today is so auspicious because it's Prevuze' fourth anniversary on this website. Prevuze actually existed long before that, but you didn't know it. Then one day I got the bright idea to blog it and the rest is history.

Now, if you go to that very first posting, the date on it is January 1, 2005, which seemingly would make TOMORROW the 4th anniversary. Technically that may be true. BUT January 1, 2005 was a Saturday, and we posted the episode from the previous day. So pick your anniversary date.

OH, did I mention there was no feed today? NBC is showing hockey tomorrow, eh? So instead of showing an episode of DOOL no one will watch they decided to show a hockey game no one will watch.

Anyway, we started this thing four years ago. I'm not even going to link to that first episode. It's just... not worth it. You can find it if you want to. See, back then, we had a much smaller following and I used a lot of shorthand. So, for example, I still wasn't over the fact that John was Roman so I continued to call him John-Roman, which abbreviated to "JR" for typing purposes. Or there was Phillip. I couldn't remember his name. I mean, there was Patrick and there was Phillip. And both names started with "P" and for some reason I kept calling Patrick Phillip and Phillip Patrick. A mind is a terrible thing to challenge. I finally solved the problem by calling Phillip "Uniform Boy." Back then, whenever you saw him he was in his Marine uniform and I was sharp enough to make that connection. So we abbreviated that as "UB." Bonnie, for obvious reasons, was "Boob Woman" (BW) and Brady, because John was his father and John in my mind was also Roman, was Brady Brady (BB). In fact, for the first several issues we actually published a scorecard so people could tell who was who.

Back then, there were no pictures. I don't think pictures kicked in for about six months. We put them on the right side like we do now and left them there until we changed them or got tired of them. There was none of the "new pictures everyday" stuff we have now.

But the main difference was NO ITALICS. I just had characters saying whatever I wanted them to say just like I do now, only readers had to guess whether or not it was part of the episode. It was great fun for me but people just didn't appreciate it. So after a few episodes and several death threats, I decided it would be pragmatic (prudent?) to give readers a way to tell what was really from the show and what was pure horsepoop. So I "invented" italics.

Not long after that, the name abbreviations had to go. Scorecard or not, people just didn't get it. I actually found one thread where they were wondering if I was talking about JR Ewing whenever I mentioned JR (John-Roman).

So the abbreviations went, the italics came, we added a few pictures and voilà – Prevuze.

I don't know that I have a favorite episode. I suppose my favorite episode is whatever episode I just published. One that comes to mind that I thought would get a different reaction than it did is the "Cheech And Shawn" episode (CLICK HERE). In that one, big buddies Phillip and Shawn decided to bond by going to the pub and getting totally plastered together. So in the Prevuze episode, instead of having them get drunk, we had them smoking pot the whole time. We patterned a lot of the dialogue after Cheech and Chong's "Up In Smoke." It was also right after Jason Cook had been busted for possession in the Des Moines Airport, which was unfortunate for Jason and a gold mine of material for Prevuze. I thought readers might get upset at the drug references in that episode but they took it in stride.

I have too many "least favorite" episodes to count.

If you want my true opinion of the show, it has reached a level of suckage unprecedented in the world of television drama. The writers obviously have no long term plan at all. All they are doing now is trying anything they can – especially any combination of couples to see if anything helps the ratings, which, of course, it doesn't. On the other hand, this is what gives Prevuze its material.

I suppose I could now launch into a "how to improve DOOL" diatribe but why would I want to do that? If this show weren't a cartoon with live characters, I wouldn't have anything to poke fun at.

Instead, I'll just wish everyone a safe and happy New Year's Eve. Drive safely.


As far as I can tell, there is a show on Friday, so there will be a feed tomorrow and we'll be right here to bring you a recap of the crapertainment.

Did I mention there was no feed today?


Anonymous Mike said...

Happy New Year to you Prevuze!

And for a laugh this morning- my kid had a birthday yesterday and didn't get one of Day's famous laughing penguins. She got a pooping penguin! Not kidding- see this found on youtube-

4:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for this little new year surprise. And Prevuze II is funny too this morning. Happy new year.

5:10 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

A Prevuze ramble is always much more entertaining than an episode of Daze. I especially like the concept because now you’ve given your faithful Prevuzites the forum for their rambles so here goes.

So after a few episodes and several death threats, I decided it would be pragmatic (prudent?) to give readers a way to tell what was really from the show and what was pure horsepoop.

Dear Prevuze, you do not produce horse poop. Trust me on this because I know horse poop. In fact, I have many years of experience mucking it out of stalls straight from the factory. I’ve also been known to gather it in a slightly petrified form from paddocks to spread on my garden. My method of collection is scooping the poop onto a dust pan so I can transfer it into an empty kitty litter bag to be transported home in the trunk of my car. Obviously, I have to be very careful not to make any sudden stops or risk a messy trunk. Anyway, I always have lovely green beans.

The writers obviously have no long term plan at all.

I must admit I’ve always thought they were making it up as they went along. With Alison Sweeney’s pregnancy, I understand they had to be somewhat nimble but the witness protection storyline is a train wreck. However, what I really find alarming is that the writing team expects the viewers to buy into this crap. They must be under the impression that we all have the IQ of a grub worm, and I find that incredibly insulting. While I understand that part of the fun of watching Daze are ridiculous eye rolling moments that come in every episode, I don’t find the dumbing down of characters to be at all entertaining. The whole “EJ is too stupid to figure out who is pregnant” storyline makes me want to puke.

As for the hockey game, it’s in Chicago in Wrigley Field so I’ll watch for at least a little while. It should be quite a novelty. They’re even painting bricks on the boards of the rink. I really haven’t paid much attention to the Blackhawks since the days of the “Golden Jet”, and I was, ahem, in diapers at the time. Anyway, have a wonderful New Year’s Eve everyone and be sure to drink a champagne toast to Prevuze. I can assure you my beverage will contain alcohol because I won’t be wearing a fake rubber baby bumper!

5:34 AM  
Anonymous Berg said...

Happy Craptastic New Year! I also subscribe to the theory that the writers are makin it up as they go along, or the inmates are running the asylum.

6:09 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Prevuze rambles are like cheap booze - you can never get enough of it!

Hmmmmmm. That didn't quite come out the way I wanted. It probably would have sounded better about 12:01 a.m.

Personally I sometimes miss the 'old' Prevuze with its abbreviations and non-italicized zingers. It kept you on your toes seeing if you could spot the prevuisms.

Actually it was usually easy. The prevuisms were the witty parts of the dialoge/action.

Happy New Year everyone!

6:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy New Year to you Prevuze.

Funny you mentioned the Jason Cook being busted. I live in Des Moines and remember that happening, he was a volunteer answering phones for a benefit, must have been the excitment of being in Des Moines that he needed something to help him mellow out. LOL.

My wish for 2009 is that DOOL gets better SLs, because the ones now hurt to watch.

6:50 AM  
Anonymous seu31sm said...

WOW - i went back to the 1st one on here and its evil knievel shawn! that brough back some good memories. as always you have rocked out above and beyond all expectations. without you posting everyday, i may actually have to watch melanie on the chance something interesting may happen. have a happy and healthy new years !!

7:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy anniversary, Prevuze! Starting each workday would be much tougher without you!

7:44 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

AAAhhhh....I love to reminisce about past Prevuze editions. Although each are stellar in their own way, my favorites were during Marlena's Salem Serial Killer storyline. I've always lamented the fact Prevuze wasn't around yet during the big Marlena demonic possession thing.

Oh well. Surely the writers will come up with something almost as ridiculous in 2009. And we can look forward to it knowing Prevuze will tear it to shreds. HAHAHA

Happy New Year to all! :D

7:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy New Year!

I'm at work during the day and am too lazy to DVR it or catch it on SoapNet so you feed my DOOL addiction 99% of the time (the other 1% being when I decide I simply have to see the train wreck and seek out the episode on youtube.)

I just have to work on my self control and NOT snort out loud with laughter at your italicized comments...that makes my co-workers give me strange looks.

Thanks for all you do!! DOOL storylines may be in the ditch, but it's still a guilty pleasure.

7:59 AM  
Anonymous joydoctor said...

Prevuze, I appreciate all your hard work giving us a day ahead description of DOOL. Happy New Year's to you and everyone.

8:10 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Trust me on this because I know horse poop.

Me, too. I watch DOOL.

8:42 AM  
Anonymous Scolly said...

It seems like my soap magazine said DOOL was pre-empted tomorrow and Friday. But I forgot to check the satellite guide so I'm not sure about that.

If it's not showing Friday I'm sure Prevuze will give us something great to tide us over until Monday!

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Betyar said...

Prevuze, you've hit it right on the noze! The current writers have ruined the show. They have a pretty good cast, but all they seem to do is either get rid of them or pair them up with the wrong actors, of have them bed hopping as to make us think there's an actual story line to follow. As always, it's always dissapointing and it hits below the IQ of a not so bright 6 years old...hence the need for Prevuze who always seems to deliver the adult entertainment we all crave so much. Thanks for making my Daze viewing so much more enjoyable than the show actually iz! And thanks for the laughs! I look forward to your early broadcast, so that I know the next catastrophic eppisode to avoid. See y'all next year!

9:05 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

If it's not showing Friday I'm sure Prevuze will give us something great to tide us over until Monday!

Yeah. If you're counting on more ramblings, it's called disappointment.

9:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for all you do. I never have time to watch the show anymore, but I love and completely enjoy all your efforts. I'm able to keep up with my childhood and teenage soapy friends. I use to cut school, pick up chinese food, and show up at home with lunch for me and mom and we'd' sit and watch DOOL. She never told dad and she helped me with the work I missed by cutting class. Thanks for sustaining a favorite memory. no matter how much the show suck...YOU ROCK!

9:42 AM  
Anonymous WingNut '75 said...

So instead of showing an episode of DOOL no one will watch they decided to show a hockey game no one will watch.

Speak for yourself! I plan on watching every second and here's to hoping it's a repeat of last night (for those who don't know, the Wings snapped the Blackhawks' 9 game winning streak).

In fact, does anyone know if there are still tickets available? That would be worth a trip around the lake... :-)

Prevuze - the best sports blog on the internet. Beatcha' to it!

On another note, Happy New Years everyone. Here's to looking forward to another craptastic year of DOOL...maybe the last if they don't get some new writers who can invent an original, interesting storyline!

10:23 AM  
Blogger chaya said...

Prevuze -

Happy anniversary!!! You are the best thing to hit the web in years.

One thing though - I wish you wouldn't keep talking about the imminent cancellation of DOOL - if DOOL went away, we'd lose you too, and I'm just not ready for that.


10:27 AM  
Anonymous WingNut '75 said...

And Prevuze II is funny too this morning.

Holy crap is Anonymous 1 right - Prevuze II in hilarious. You need to put your usual link to it on this post so people can go right over there and enjoy it.

Oh - and I forgot in my earlier post...Happy Anniversary Prevuze!

10:31 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...


In fact, does anyone know if there are still tickets available? That would be worth a trip around the lake... :-)

I believe you can still get tickets through a secondary market for about $750. That would be inside the ballpark. I'm not sure what it would set you back for a seat on one of the rooftops. Does a hockey win make up for 16 football losses?

By the way, WingNut, I found out why my snowblower wouldn't start. It had no gas in it. I checked but, apparently, not very closely.

10:38 AM  
Anonymous WingNut '75 said...


Does a hockey win make up for 16 football losses?

Not completely - but the Cup last year along with the promise of a repeat this year certainly helps to ease the suffering :-)

Prevuze - STILL the best sports blog on the internet (now if I could figure out how to do that registered trademark symbol I'd be all set)

10:45 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

if I could figure out how to do that registered trademark symbol I'd be all set

Here, you can keep this one: ®

I once saw a hockey game at "The Joe." Our seats were so high up I think John Black was the pilot. The last time I saw the Red Wings play was a cheesy exhibition game in a cheesy old arena. They went through the glass TWICE. That's really cool when it doesn't happen on your end of the arena.

Prevuze - Best sports blog on the Internet.®

11:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary Prevuze! Sports blog. Soap blog. Whatever - you are the best.

And, Lord have mercy! I had barely recuperated from reading Prevuze "ramblings" when I checked out Prevuze II. What a hoot!!

The actual DOOL storylines should be so entertaining. If only....


PS. My word verification is "comyosed". I think it was just misspelled and should have been comatosed - what we DOOLites are nowadays.

2:06 PM  
Anonymous WingNut '75 said...

Thanks Prevuze. I took the ® you gave me, which must have been female, and allowed it in the same room with EJ. Now I have ® ® ® ® ® ® ®'s coming out of my ears.

Prevuze - the best HTML coding blog on the internet ®

By the way, I went back and read your favorite post - Cheech and Shawn. Brilliant! And what a great trip down memory lane. What ever happened to the good old days when DOOL actually had some entertaining and interesting story lines?

Oh yeah...Dena happened. My New Years wish for all of us DOOL viewers is a quick exit of Dena next year and the return of the scab writers who at least kept story lines moving forward and kept them somewhat continuous (i.e. we weren't left to wonder for 3 months how Kate will reply to Stephano's proposal or how Kate went from hacking up half of a bloody lung to pain free after Dr. Granny-slammer simply diagnosed her problem).

5:17 PM  
Blogger Klaus said...

Well, I'm still amused over how miserable everyone looked in yesterdays prevuze 2. Happy New Years indeed.

I wish they could do better, but at the same time, I have enjoyed (in a bad way) the Melanie/Philip/Stephanie/Chloe/Lucas/Dan with a little dash of Kate mix.

And when Nick gets out, you can throw him in there along with Max and Chelsea.

Most of what's happening is standard tv tropes though, especially the dumbing down of the characters when it serves the plot. I don't mind it, I just think they're overusing to a ludicrous degree.

Wingnut, Dr. McAwesome Surferdude is really just a amnesiac angel, if you look at it like that his miraculous powers and predilection for sickly women don't seem too far fetched.

Oh yeah, the 'scab' (I hate to call them that since they seemed to have done a superior job) writers were awesome.

Well, here's to hope you all don't spend New Years pondering at some chess pieces or about to be groped by a doctor or sobbing, stranded in a car or stuck at party you don't wanna be at.


5:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would rather watch a Red Wings/Blackhawks hockey game over DOOL any day! I love my DOOL, but living in Detroit, this is going to be a monumental hockey game that I will enjoy more than a crappy little soap opera that shows the same thing day after day.

Happy New Year Prevuze and Go Wings!

8:55 AM  

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