Friday, January 09, 2009

An Incredible Barrage Of Crap

Rafe shudders as he sleeps. He flashes back to his knife fight with Sleazo and calls out, "Sami... Sami..."

Sleazo holds Hilda at knife point, "Your picture doesn't do you justice."

"What do you want from me," asks Hilda.

The Sleazeroo jams the knife up to Hilda's neck, "Sami Brady."

'Colleen' stands shrouded and bawling. Sister Teresa comes in and asks what's wrong. 'Colleen' falls apart, "Everything."

Stephanie arrives at the Kiriakis mansion. Phillip, ever the gracious host, dives in. Guess who walks through the front door as they Maul each other:

a) Max
b) Max
c) Max
d) All of the above.


Chelsea and Kate stand in the other room waiting for people to arrive. Kate tells Chelsea about walking in on Lucas and Chloe while they were in the act and just gushes about how in love they are and what a wonderful couple they make.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Chloe and Daniel heave and grope at each other. They fling their writhing bodies onto the bed as Lucas comes up to the door. He wiggles the knob but the door is locked. Somehow Chloe manages to hear the doorknob rattle and she gasps. Lucas yells, "Chloe, the party is starting."

"If you ask me, you just ended it," thinks Daniel.

Chloe gasps, "OMG! It's Lucas!"

EJ finds Stefano at the hospital. He says he thinks Stefano should go home. Stefano refuses to go home and brood. He prefers to stay at the hospital and brood, "It is time for you to stop giving orders and start taking them."

Prevuze

Nicole comes down babbling to EJ, but finds Tony in the rumpus room instead. "I have bad news and worse news," says Tony.

"What's the bad news," asks Nicole.

"EJ is with Stefano on business."

"Whats the worse news?"

"This snoozer of an episode isn't over."

Lucas yells, "Why can't I come in?"

Chloe says, "I don't want you to see me until my scars heal."

"What the hell have you been doing in there," asks The Clueless Wonder.

Sleazo holds the knife at Hilda's throat, "No sudden movements. I've been known to overreact." He asks where Sami is, "Tell me where they are keeping her or die!"

OK, so Sami has been fighting for weeks to escape and get to sister Teresa so she can talk to her about her situation. So what does she do? She clams up. Sister Teresa tries to dig things out of her. 'Colleen' bawls, "Ryan is looking out for me but I don't know what I will do when the baby is born."

Stefano says EJ will be in complete control of the Pacific Rim project. EJ reminds Stefano with him around, no one is in complete control. Stefano decides he has to make a profound change in his life. From now on he will be dedicating all his time to his family. "So it will be one big, happy, dysfunctional family," says EJ, "But what about Tony?" Stefano chuckles.

Nicole says she isn't upset EJ is late because of business, "Why are you telling me this and not EJ?"

Tony says, "Because EJ's just now finding out. Besides, what happened to Theo is more important than business."

Nicole asks, "What happened to Theo?"

Tony delights in Nicole's lack of knowledge, "EJ didn't tell you? This is worse than I thought."

Nicole asks, "Do you mean the situation between EJ and me or this episode?"

Stephanie and Phillip pry themselves apart. Max says Chelsea invited him, "Don't let me interrupt."

"Too late," says Phillip.

Max scoots on through the hallway and finds Chelsea, "Your date's here." They share another stammering, babbling uncomfortable conversation. "Relationships are complex," says Max, "I hate complexity.

"For you," says Stephanie, "a light switch is complex. I guess that explains your devotion to speed racer."

"You and I are getting complex," says Max

"That's odd," says Chelsea, "I could have sworn 'complex' and 'boring' didn't mean the same thing.

"If you think I didn't like New Year's," says Max, "you're dead wrong. It was just the part I spent with you that was hell." They dance around things and decide to hang out and shut up about it. Translation: they decide to talk it to death.

Kate comes in ranting about all the missing people.

Lucas continues to wiggle the doorknob. In an hour or so he'll figure out it's locked. Chloe wants Daniel to hide. He refuses,
"Just tell him the truth." Chloe thinks that's the worst idea she's heard all day.

Sleazo goes through Hilda's purse. He sees pictures and booties and figures her family is important to her. He says if she wants to see any of them again she has to tell him where Sami is.

Sister Teresa asks, "Does the father know you are here?"

"BAWL!"

"I'll take that as a no," says Sister Teresa.

"Does he know you are pregnant," asks the sister.

"BAWL!"

"I'll take that as a no," says Sister Teresa.

Sister Teresa asks, "You're afraid of him?"

Sami says, "I'm terrified. And he can never know about the baby."

"It must be really stressful for you," says Sister Teresa, "because for a wayward teenage girl, you look twice your age. Unfortunately you're not as intelligent or mature as most of the teenagers I see."

Stefano asks EJ to go over the Malaysian numbers and have the report to him by tomorrow morning. EJ refuses, "That's busy work. I'll have the report to you by tomorrow afternoon." That's telling the old goat, EJ! "I have an appointment," says EJ, "I have to go."

Tony finds it interesting EJ didn't call Nicole about Theo. Nicole thinks Tony wants EJ to stay home and play daddy so Tony can run the company. Tony asks, "Do you want EJ 10,000 miles away when you give birth."

"Maybe," drones Nicole, "Maybe I do."

Phillip and Stephanie continue to work on each other. Kate runs up and says, "I'm helping the cook in the kitchen and we desperately need a spatula." Stephanie gives her one of her earrings. "No thanks," says Kate, "That's too big. If I need a pizza pan, I'll let you know."

Stephanie decides maybe she should go talk to Max. "He's a guy," says Phillip, "He doesn't want to talk about what happened."

"He's on a soap opera," says Stephanie, "He's out of luck."

Now that they've agreed to drop it, Max and Chelsea continue to stumble around and talk about it. They toast friendship. Chelsea tells Max about Kate and Daniel breaking up. Max asks, "You want him back?"

"No," says Chelsea, "That would be gross. I might share recipes with the woman but..."

Max says, "I know you've had an incredible barrage of crap happen but I think you're a class act."

Chelsea asks, "Incredible barrage of crap?"

"DOOL."


Chelsea suggests ditching the party and going somewhere. Max agrees but Phillip and Stephanie come in. Phillip sees the pair talking and turns to Stephanie, "I think he's moved on."

"On, yes," says Stephanie, "Up, no."

Loserclueless still hasn't caught on to the fact that the door is locked. He continues to wiggle the knob as he asks Chloe what's taking so long. "Mom called," says Chloe, "I started crying and have to start all over again with my makeup." Lucas apologizes and turns to leave. He bumps into Kate who thinks Chloe may need help. She yells through the door, "Chloe, is there anything I can do to help?"

"Well," says Chloe, "I have to admit, you are experienced with what I'm working on."

Daniel tells Chloe he could walk out of her life but she would still have a problem... Lucas. "You don't care about me," says Chloe, "You just want to sleep with me."

"You want it all," says Daniel, "You are real. Don't settle for anything less than being completely fulfilled."

Chloe stomps over and opens the door for Daniel to leave, "I'm done with you. I HATE you."

Daniel says to himself, "It's too bad you don't."

Idle chit chat fills the room downstairs. Viewers sit on the edge of their seats as we learn Stephanie has Chelsea's purse and Chelsea has Stephanie's earrings.

"HOW 'BOUT THEM BEARS," asks Phillip.

"All they proved this season," says Max, "Is that bears hibernate from September until the end of the year."

Phillip wants to cut to the chase. Max don' wanna talk about it, "I'm cool with you and Stephanie, but if you hurt her I will beat the hell out of you."

"Right," says Phillip, "So, really, how 'bout them Bears?"

"That game they lost against Mrs. Murphy's Nursery School was brutal," says Max.

"We need a better team than that," says Phillip.

Stephanie and Chelsea figure Max and Phillip have patched things up. "So," says Stephanie, "What is going on with you and Max.

Hilda insists she doesn't know where Sami is. Sleazo puts the silencer on his pistol.

Sister Teresa wonders if 'Colleen' should be telling the police, "They pack a little more punch than I do."

"True," says 'Colleen', "They like a little punch with their donuts." 'Colleen' says she will do what's best with the baby. She says she has to get back before 'Ryan' wakes up.

EJ is on the phone with Nicole telling her Theo will be fine. He says he will pick her up and they will go to the party. He hangs up. Stefano thinks EJ won't be so easy to push around. EJ leaves.

Stefano mumbles, "Your devotion to Nicole is admirable... and a liability."

Sister Teresa gives 'Colleen' a cell phone. She says to call whenever she needs to talk. Stunned 'Colleen' thanks her and runs off.

Phillip and Max talk about fantasy football. The girls don't get it. "I think fantasy football is kind of like the guys' version of playing with Barbie Dolls," says Stephanie. She thinks something must be going on between Chelsea and Max. Chelsea denies, denies, denies. Chelsea thinks she may not be in the right frame of mind for a relationship.

Kate and Lucas walk in and kill the fantasy football discussion in spite of Phillip and Max' protests. "I heard this was supposed to be an engagement party for Chloe and fun boy," says Phillip, "So where's Chloe?"

"She's upstairs with her other fun boy," says Lucas.

Chloe snaps, "Why aren't you gone?"

Daniel says, "I thought it would be a good idea to get dressed."

"You're always thinking of others, aren't you?" They argue about who is irresistible and who hates whom. Chloe decides this will never happen again, "I can't stand you touching me!" She runs out and stops when she sees herself in the mirror. She turns and looks at her image...

"SLUT!"

The boring party gets more boring. Kate calls for Lucas. "Yes, Mother dear."

Phillip asks what Chelsea and Stephanie were talking about. "Girl stuff," says Stephanie. Phillip thinks Max is doing OK. Stephanie asks, "Does that mean we can get back where we started?" Smoochies.

EJ arrives at the DiMera mansion. Nicole says Tony tried to scare her into thinking EJ would abandon her for the business. EJ says Stefano will not take over their lives. Nicole tells him his working is OK with her, "I trust you and I hope you know you can trust me. I would never hurt you or deceive you. You do trust me don't you?"

"I trust you completely," says EJ, "By the way, the perfume you've been wearing these past few weeks smells just like foam rubber." They head for the party. Tony wanders out and stares.

Sami gets back to the safe-house. She checks Rafe. He wakes up and asks, "How long was I out?"

"A little longer than I was," says Sami. Rafe decides he can trust her since she is still there.

"I think we'll be all right," says Rafe.

"I think so too."

Sleazo drones, "I'm gonna find you, Sami Brady, and when I do you'll be as dead as our little friend here." We pan down to Hilda's cold and dead body. In a masterful piece of artistry, the bloody bullet hole in the little bootie matches the bloody bullet hole in Hilda's head.

Speaking of people with holes in the head, Lucas babbles about how amazing Chloe looks as she finally makes her appearance, "Ladies and gentlemen... the future Mrs. Lucas Horton. Only she'll probably keep her name. Especially when we don't get married."

Daniel watches as poor clueless Lucas toasts his bride to be. Chloe and Daniel's eyes lock.


Previews
========

You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website. Prevuze II should be up no later than noon, Eastern Time.

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10 Comments:

Anonymous Leslie said...

Guess who walks through the front door as they Maul each other:

a) Max
b) Max
c) Max
d) All of the above.


Once again, Prevuze nails the writers for their biggest crime…predictability.

"No sudden movements. I've been known to overreact."

That’s OK Sleazo. Overreact…overact…on DOOL, it’s all the same.

"So it will be one big, happy, dysfunctional family," says EJ.

That’s right, EJ. Stefano isn’t Ward Cleaver, and you’re not exactly the Beaver.

”This is worse than I thought."

Nicole asks, "Do you mean the situation between EJ and me or this episode?"


Goodness Prevuze, if only those were the two choices. It’s more like the last six months of Daze, and I’m probably being kind.

"You and I are getting complex," says Max

"That's odd," says Chelsea, "I could have sworn 'complex' and 'boring' didn't mean the same thing.


Amen.

"It must be really stressful for you," says Sister Teresa, "because for a wayward teenage girl, you look twice your age. Unfortunately you're not as intelligent or mature as most of the teenagers I see."

Mia has exhibited infinitely more maturity than Sami, and Mia gets extra points for figuring out that Nicole is an idiot.

"HOW 'BOUT THEM BEARS," asks Phillip.

"All they proved this season," says Max, "Is that bears hibernate from September until the end of the year."

"That game they lost against Mrs. Murphy's Nursery School was brutal," says Max.


Hmmm, let’s see. I believe the Bears ended up with 9 wins, and, as previously pointed out by Applecheeks, the combined win total of all the Missouri teams was 4. Additionally, if it hadn’t been for a missed PAT, Northwestern would have won the Alamo Bowl.

First Bart and now Hilda…why do the writers insist on offing the interesting characters? Lucas has a door knob fetish. That sounds about right since he is also a knob. “The Sound of Misery”…Bulldog, you are too much!!! Speaking of too much, Prevuze thanks for another hysterical TGIF DOOL update!!!

5:36 AM  
Anonymous Berg said...

I sometimes wonder if DOOL's Powers that Be, think of their audience as:
a). A bunch of cows chewing cud
b). A bunch of stoned out, vacant eyed, stumps drooling all over themselves and their gruel.
c). Zombies wandering the streets in search of "brains, me want brains"
d). All of the above

This show just sinks to new lows of boredom. How is that even possible?

I would rather snake a toilet that was clogged than be subjected to more of this mindless crap.

Thank you Prevuze for providing some entertainment before my brain turns to mush.

6:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Chloe and Daniel storyline is so stupid and obnoxious. What are the writers thinking? Do they actually think that people fall in LUV just by groping and being groped? Chloe and Daniel barely had a conversation other than medical stuff when she was in the hospital; they don't even know each other, and we're supposed to believe that they're obsessively in love. As if. And do the writers think that a woman would actually fall in love with a doctor who felt her up? Ick.

6:55 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Hmmm, let’s see. I believe the Bears ended up with 9 wins, and, as previously pointed out by Applecheeks, the combined win total of all the Missouri teams was 4. Additionally, if it hadn’t been for a missed PAT, Northwestern would have won the Alamo Bowl.

You can't expect us to know all that. Whoever said we are a sports blo...

Nevermind.

7:01 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

And not just the best sports blog, remember Prevuze is the best fashion blog on the internet: "We desperately need a spatula. Shephanie gives her one of her earrings. "No thanks," says Kate, "That's too big. If I need a pizza pan I'll let you know." You know I can't wait to see these now! HAHAHA

I wondered yesterday if Kate was even going to invite the one friend of Chloe's. Glad to see Nicole is at least supposed to show up. Maybe they'll actually make things interesting and have Victor arrive so he can get into it with both of them.

Great Prevuisms today. So many - Jawn remembering his drug scores, "you look twice your age. Unfortunately you're not as intelligent or mature as most of the teenagers I see." and that picture of Loserclueless! He looks like Jack Nicholson's Joker in Batman.

Thanks, Prevuze, for the laughs on a (for once) bright and sunny Friday. TGIP!

7:33 AM  
Anonymous Scolly said...

I laughed at the title of the episode. I didn't think it was something one of the characters would actually say, I thought it was just Prevuze's opinion after struggling thru it!

7:48 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

So did I, Scolly. LOLOL

Bulldog, you get a Thumbs Up AND Down for your Sounds of Misery pic. On the up-side, it was funny as hell. On the down-side, I hate the musical and now I'll have that stupid song running through my head all day!

From now on he will be dedicating all his time to his family.

When all your children are grown (if not acting like adults) how do you “dedicate all your time” to them? Is Stefano going to follow them around 24-7 and nag?

Others have pointed out my favorite prevuisms, so I'll get right to my HUH?! moment:

Stefano mumbles, "Your devotion to Nicole is admirable... and a liability."

Wasn’t that Stefano who was pushing EJ to commit to Nicole just a few episodes ago?

And does no one at the party think it at all weird that Chloe & Dr. Dan were both gone a loooooong time and showed up at the party at the simultaneously? They ALL deserve a clueless t-shirt.

I'll be laughing over Stephanie's pizza pan earrings all day. What is it with that girl's earrings lately?

Thank you, Prevuze. This episode does appear to have been an incredible barrage of crap, but your reports are golden.

8:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, Chole is getting engaged, there is a party for her, but where are her parents??? Is it not worth bringing them back, since the marriage isn't going to happen.

When is Alison due to have her baby? I can't wait until this whole pointless, "killer" on the loose, witness protection thing is over, so boring and so endless.....

8:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG, now it looks like all the men on DOOL are going for the Luclueless haircut! The picture of Daniel today and yesterday's picture of EJ make it look like they're all going for that out of style "do" that Luclueless the dork has!

12:12 PM  
Anonymous luceoz said...

Hmm-so someone actually linked EJ and the word Beaver together with no comment from the Prevuze team!!! Maybe everyone's asleep (kind of like what these episodes seem to be doing to the audience watching!)! Cheers from downunder land! Luceoz

6:31 AM  

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