Monday, June 02, 2008

Heartless Bitch

We slowly pan into a shot of the Psycho Mansion. Not the one from the movie. The one with all the psychos inside it. Lucas is on the phone. He leaves Mickey a message saying he can't stay there. Sami listens and when he hangs up says, "Good morning."

Moody Lucas snorts, "Is it?"

"I wish you would reconsider leaving," says Sami. She reminds him the place has everything he could want, including a home theater, an indoor pool and a mad-scientist laboooooratory in the basement. She thinks he could really enjoy life there.

"Easier said than done," says Mopey. Or is it Dopey? I don't know, it's one of the seven dwarfs, anyway.

"It would be," says Sami, "If we got back together.

Lucas goes into tantrum mode, "You went to bed with EJ! We can't get back together!"

What Sami should say, "OK, chump, have a nice life."

What Sami does say, "You have to forgive me."

Bo and Hope sit with Chelsea and Max in the pub talking about the greening of Salem. "I'm married to the jolly green giant," says Hope.

"Because I'm so strong and muscular," asks Bo.

"No," says Hope, "Because you're full of beans."


Hope says they've saved money and are selling electricity back to the city. The four greenies proceed to give us little kiddies in the audience our lecture about not wasting energy. I have an idea, why don't we all turn off our TV sets whenever DOOL is on since that's a total waste of electricity.

Suddenly Bo stands and shouts, "HEY, YOU IN THE AUDIENCE – THIRD ROW. DON'T THROW AWAY THAT CANDY WRAPPER!"

EJ walks in with a hangover. Caroline offers black coffee. Nicole orders a honey banana smoothie for him. Caroline asks Nicole to make it since she has no clue how to do it. While Nicole makes EJ's drink, Caroline goes off to make the eye-opener Nicole has ordered. EJ remarks about Caroline and Nicole getting along. Nicole says she and Caroline don't really get along but Caroline is happy she's divorcing her old lover. She tells EJ she used to work at the Java Café as she makes his drink. EJ hopes he didn't embarrass himself last night. Nicole says, "Don't worry EJ. Your secrets are safe with me."

Sami and Lucas bicker, as usual, without saying one single thing that's new. John interrupts. Sami says she has noticed Marlena's portrait has been replaced. She tells John she knows why Marlena left, "She flew off to Havana with one of your Cubans."

Yvonne meets Phillip. He sent the Titan jet for her. "The last I heard," says Yvonne, "You were in the Marines."

"I got out," says Phillip, "My leg didn't." Yvonne asks why Phillip sent for her. Chloe comes in and watches.

Kayla sits on her couch and remembers the family visit with L'il Joe. It's a real tear-jerker. Kayla provides the tears, Patch provides the...

Kayla comes out of her funk as Stephanie comes in. She tells Stephanie Patch went to get some breakfast. Stephanie reassures her as Patch comes in with a sack full of goodies. Stephanie takes it into the kitchen. "OK," he drones, "We'll be there."

Patch hangs up and Kayla is all over him for information, "Steve, comeoncomeoncomeon, what did they say?"

Patch says, "I'm afraid our baby boy has taken a turn for the worse."

Max is up on a chair changing a nasty old incandescent light bulb to one of those new green ones that throws off the weird light everyone hates.

How many Salem residents does it take to change a light bulb? Three – One to screw it in, one to flash back to the last time they changed a light bulb and one to tell the person changing the bulb she'll be there for him while he does it. Back when OMB was around, it took a fourth – one to hold up the cue cards.

Hope, Bo and Caroline go over the green list. Chelsea comes up and announces they have a problem.

"We knew that the minute you came in," says Bo.

EJ moans and groans and says he has a problem. Some people refer to that kind of problem as a hangover. He asks Nicole if he did or said anything bad last night. Nicole smiles.

Sami says Marlena had to leave because Eric was in a car accident.

He's OK," says Sami, "Just a few cracked ribs and a broken ankle."

"You have a weird sense of 'OK,'" says John. As he leaves the room, John says he thinks Blondie is using this as an excuse to get away from him.

"He's not himself," says Sami, "I hope he doesn't do something stupid."

"Like what," asks Lucas, "Allow a bunch of nuts to live with him?"

"I know he's in love with my mother," says Sami, "If he thinks he lost her, I'm not sure what he will do."

"I don't know what he'll do," says Lucas, "But most men would throw a party." Lucas tells Sami he didn't realize she cared about John.

"I'm not a heartless bitch," says Sami, "I have a heart."

Kate comes into the room, "I beg to differ."

Chloe walks up to Phillip's table. Phillip introduces her to Yvonne Lee, who is a Titan employee. Chloe says she has a breakfast meeting of her own and goes over to another table, where Arthur waits for her.

Chelsea announces that the energy efficient cooler is too small. It can't hold the last keg of green beer OMB made. Caroline decides the only thing to do is to tap the keg and celebrate going green with green beer.

EJ says he is glad he didn't put his foot in his mouth last night. He tells Nicole he has personal things to take care of and leaves. After he goes, Nicole says, "You'll be hearing from me, EJ."

The crowd at the pub toasts going green with the skunked green beer as Hope gets a call from Kayla.

At the same time, Stephanie calls Max and bawls, "It's Joey."

"That's strange," says Max, "You sound like Stephanie."

Kayla tells Hope L'il Joe isn't doing well, "Ask mom to pray for him." Hope offers to come to the hospital but Kayla asks her not to, "I'll be in touch as soon as I know something."

"In that case," says Hope, "We may never hear from you again." Hope passes the news to Caroline.

Kate comes in and hugs Lucas as Sami rolls her eyes. Lucas wouldn't let Kate visit him in prison either. "It's no better here, though," says Lucas, "Sami's doing the cooking.. This is my new home." Kate decides to move him somewhere else. Sami steps up and says he's staying with her and the twins.

Kate says, "You know, Sami, the last time I checked, you were spoken for."

Sami says, "Well check again. My marriage to EJ has been annulled."

Arthur is Chloe's new real estate agent. He says he has found her some nice condos. Phillip comes over and Chloe makes the introductions. Phillip asks for a word with Chloe in private, and takes her aside. He asks her what she is doing. Chloe says it's not possible for her to stay with him because Victor is coming back. She has to find her own place. Apparently she plans to buy it with the new no money down, no interest, no payments plan. Phillip asks her not to do anything. He has to leave and says they will talk later.

Arthur tells Chloe he overheard, but Chloe tells him she still wants a new place.

Phillip gives Yvonne the disc. He wants her to crack the code.

John meets Nicole. He asks if she has seen Phillip lately. Nicole is all too pleased to tell him about walking in on Phillip and Chloe romping.

"Interesting," says John.

"Not really," says Nicole, "It appeared down to book and downright boring."

Hope breaks the news about L'il Joe to Caroline. Max heads for the hospital. Caroline decides she will make sandwiches in case L'il Joe is hungry.

Lucas stops Kate from calling Roman. Kate doesn't want to stand by idly while Sami goes after Lucas. Lucas tells Kate to back off. Sami thanks him for sticking up for her and hugs him. EJ comes in and watches.

A nurse gives the rundown on L'il Joe's condition. She says he had a pretty good night but this morning his heart rate slowed and his BP dropped.

"You can fix it, right," asks Stephanie. The nurse says there isn't a whole lot they can do. Patch decides to scrub in and join Kayla in the room of doom.

Max walks up. Stephanie tells him she doesn't think L'il Joe will make it. Kayla comes out of the scrub room and watches as they hug. She goes in to see L'il Joe, "Mama's here now."

"Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse," says L'il Joe.

Kate says she hates to see Lucas do this. Lucas says he has to do what's best for his family. Unfortunately, since he has the ankle monitor, he can't go to Timbuktu. Sami hugs him and says she knows it will work. EJ interrupts, "I don't think it will. We are still married." He says the annulment wasn't approved because they have been intimate.

"I can't believe you told him about that," gasps Sami.

Kate has a cow, "DO YOU MEAN THE TWO OF YOU..."

Now that the cat is out of the bag, EJ elaborates, "I'm talking about the fact we share a child. Because of that and the dog and pony show we put on for immigration, the annulment is dead in the water according to the judge."

Kate offers to call Roman. "You can't," says Sami, "I'm in love with him."

"That's disgusting," says Kate, "He's your father. Apparently you loved EJ as well."

Nicole asks if John thinks it's funny she walked in on Phillip and Chloe. "No," says John, "I find it useful." He goes into the pub.

John orders coffee. Caroline pours and leaves in a huff. John asks, "Whatever happened to service with a smile?" Hope comes up and says she didn't know John posted bail. John asks, "Are you being a friend or a cop?"

"Both," says Hope, "Even though I'm not good at either. The old John would never have done this."

"Neither did the new one," says John.

"Prove it and I'll believe you," says Hope. John vows to clear his name.

Stephanie blithers and tells Max what happened to L'il Joe last night. At Max' suggestion, they head for the chapel.

Kayla just knows L'il Joe can feel her presence. Patch walks up. L'il Joe can smell his presence. Patch and Kayla hold hands and he prays, "Lord, you gotta help our baby boy pull through this." OK, so it won't make the Bible but God gives Patch credit for finally coming up with a prayer without saying "Big Dude."

Kayla begs L'il Joe to be strong. Chelsea watches through the window.

John pays and leaves. Bo goes over and asks Hope what John said. Hope says he claimed innocence. She doesn't know what to think.

"That's OK," says Bo, "Thinking isn't your strong suit."

John calls Phillip. Phillip asks, "What can I do for you?"

Hope, Bo and Caroline wonder where Chelsea went. Bo knows. He takes the sandwiches and walks by John on his way out.

John says, "I think it's time you and I met." Phillip and John agree to meet.

The fact that Sami and EJ are still married gives Lucas an excuse to throw another tantrum. Kate jumps in and tells Lucas, "I take this as a sign you and Sami don't belong together." Big deal. Kate takes the sun rising as a sign Sami and Lucas don't belong together.

Lucas orders Sami to get a quickie divorce. Kate explodes and Lucas asks her to leave. She goes.

EJ gets a call. Nicole asks if he has dropped his bombshell yet, "Have you told her you are still married even though you aren't?" EJ wonders how she figured that out. She reminds him he told her about the plan when he was drunk.

Patch assures Kayla L'il Joe knows they are there, "She how he's struggling at his restraints?"

"I haven't been very spiritual," says Stephanie. Max reminds her she goes to church regularly. Stephanie says that's because of Caroline, "It was hard to keep the faith when Dad was gone. We always figured he'd come back." They hug and Stephanie sees Chelsea. Chelsea tells her she just thought she should be there.

L'il Joe's machines beep. Nurses hustle. "What's going on," asks Steve.

Kayla stares at L'il Joe's machines and says his heart rate and BP are going up. IT'S A MIRACLE! One of the nurses says he's responding to the medication. Kayla thinks it's not the meds, it's the fact he knows his family is there. Max and Stephanie go to scrub up and get in there. Bo comes up behind Chelsea as she watches.

Nicole reminds EJ he told her about his plan. EJ says they will talk later. He tells Sami and Lucas the call was from a client. Sami leaves as EJ smirks.

Phillip makes a call, "It's me. I'm meeting with John Black. He's in for a big surprise."

Nicole meets John, "Where do you think you're headed?"

Chloe asks to talk to Phillip but he brushes her off and leaves. Chloe follows to see what he's up to.

Nicole walks up to John, "I could use a lift."

John snorts, "Take the bus." He walks away from her.

Nicole says, "Not telling me, Johnny boy, just makes me curious."


Previews
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You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let me get this straight, Sami went to bed with Lucas' brother. More than once. Lucas went to bed with Sami's sister. More than once. But he can't forgive her for sleeping with EJ? Makes sense.

5:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My baby boy was in the hospital right after he was born, on all the machines and stuff. The monitors beep when your bp/oxygen levels drop, not when the raise. It's very hard to sleep. They keep beeping every little bit until your rates raise above a certain level. Anyone had a different experience that would support machines beeping when your levels go UP?

Prevuze, you are right one today with what Sami SHOULD have said, among other things. Great job as usual!

5:53 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

"Easier said than done," says Mopey. Or is it Dopey? I don't know, it's one of the seven dwarfs, anyway.

How about Shorty?

Lucas goes into tantrum mode, "You went to bed with EJ! We can't get back together!"

What Sami should say, "OK, chump, have a nice life."

What Sami does say, "You have to forgive me."


Sami just keeps coming back for more. I’m with you Prevuze. Hey, Sami, it’s time to cut your loses and move on.

"I'm married to the jolly green giant," says Hope.

"Because I'm so strong and muscular," asks Bo.

"No," says Hope, "Because you're full of beans."


Beans, beans, the musical fruit… the more you eat, the more you toot.

"He's not himself," says Sami, "I hope he doesn't do something stupid."

"Like what," asks Lucas, "Allow a bunch of nuts to live with him?"


What would we have done without magnanimous Jawn? Think of all the drama we would have missed! Geez!

Finally, Kate shows up, and she’s true to form. Didn’t she just tell Roman that she was no longer going to meddle with Lucas and Sami? I’m so glad she’s a liar. She’s so much fun when she’s stirring the kettle.

Yet another stellar Prevuze to lighten up the start of the work week!!!

6:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Soooooo many good Prevuisms today, but my favorite:

OK, so it won't make the Bible but God gives Patch credit for finally coming up with a prayer without saying "Big Dude."

Isn't that the truth!

Thank you so much Prevuze!!!

7:42 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

"Easier said than done," says Mopey. Or is it Dopey? I don't know, it's one of the seven dwarfs, anyway.

Whoa! Meeeooowww. Inspired, no doubt, by EJ’s crack that Lucas is a bitter dwarf. HAHAHAHA

….nasty old incandescent light bulb to one of those new green ones that throws off the weird light everyone hates.

You got that right, Prevuze. MY take on the “green” bulbs is that’s the color you turn when you have to stay in a room illuminated by the horrid things too long.

"I take this as a sign you and Sami don't belong together." Big deal. Kate takes the sun rising as a sign Sami and Lucas don't belong together.

As Leslie pointed out, I knew Kate telling Pard she was going to stay out of Lumi’s lives was a load of manure.

Lucas orders Sami to get a quickie divorce.

Why? Two minutes ago he was telling her they could never be together.

Loved the pictures, especially Bulldog's caption about using yesterday's lines. Ain't that the truth!

OK, Prevuze. Great job as always. But what portrait replaced Marlena's in Jawn's living room? Inquiring minds and all that....

7:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prevuze II?

8:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How many Salemites does it take to change a lightbulb?

ROFLMA



KOTU

9:22 AM  
Anonymous SassyBaskets said...

Yes, Sami, tell the angry dwarf you're tired of begging for forgiveness and if he can't deal with it, he can leave.

I must know what exquisite piece of art replaced the repulsive one?

9:24 AM  
Anonymous Brandy said...

I just had to comment about the machines beeping when Lil' Joes HR went up. My son who is now 6 months old was born 2 months early and was on those machines and his HR keep dropping and never once did it beep when it when up to normal, it would beep if it got to low or too high.
How hard is it to do alittle reseach about what the are putting into their SLs. Its not that hard.

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Leslie, I think you are wrong when you say Sami should cut her "losses" and move on. Maybe you should rephrase that to say move on without the loser. There is nothing lost by getting rid of Lucas. Well, except a whiney, demeaning titty baby.

You are right on about Kate being fun to watch. I love her!

Sassybaskets, love the "angry dwarf" comment. Right on!

As far as Prevuze II, the only thing that looked interesting was Jawn telling Phil it's time to pay. Go Jawn!!! The new Jawn is hot!!!

Can anyone explain why any judge would grant an anulment for Sami and EJ? You pretty much have to prove grounds, and like EJ said, after the immigration fiasco, if they got an anulment, that would void the VISA, etc. But we all know that's crap because he was born in the U.S. anyway. And who says he's not really married even though he says he is? I don't get that part.

10:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brandy, thanks for confirming what I (Anon 2) stated about the machines. I thought maybe I was just so sleep deprived that I couldn't remember it right. Yep, so hard to do a little research. Guess the writers still think they don't get paid enough.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

OK, Prevuze. Great job as always. But what portrait replaced Marlena's in Jawn's living room? Inquiring minds and all that....


I must know what exquisite piece of art replaced the repulsive one?


You're in for some serious disappointment.  Click here.

10:31 AM  
OpenID tripp3235 said...

Ugh, how awful it is to tune to Prevuze and Prevuze II and it ain't coming up! That's just cruel!

"I take this as a sign you and Sami don't belong together." Big deal. Kate takes the sun rising as a sign Sami and Lucas don't belong together.

BWaH!

10:31 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Ugh, how awful it is to tune to Prevuze and Prevuze II and it ain't coming up! That's just cruel!

Blogger has had some serious issues today but P-II is coming up for me at the moment...

10:36 AM  
OpenID tripp3235 said...

Yes it does appear back up. I got so excited to see Robbins (Roscoe Born) but that high was ruined seeing them pushed aside for bitchy Max and Chan.

11:26 AM  
Anonymous Dana said...

"I have an idea, why don't we all turn off our TV sets whenever DOOL is on since that's a total waste of electricity."

I wish someone would say that to the writers of DOOL! Scratch that, I wish someone would shout it in their faces!

11:46 AM  
Anonymous Klaus said...

Let me get this straight, Sami went to bed with Lucas' brother. More than once. Lucas went to bed with Sami's sister. More than once. But he can't forgive her for sleeping with EJ? Makes sense.
Simple to me, EJ is the devil (to Lucas).
I'd expect the same treatment if Lucas slept with someone who Sami considers the devil. Nicole.

Oh Kate, you're in for another disowning.

How hard is it to do a little reseach about what the are putting into their SLs. Its not that hard.
This is true, but it's more entertaining to factually wrong.

Regarding the annulment, Sami believes they got the annulment in her ignorance and the magnanimous EJ knows that they haven't, hoping Sami will be pleased when and if she dumps Lucas.

Maybe Nicole and Chloe will be shot, for being so damn nosy.

Eri needs mommy. heh heh

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

Kayla just knows L'il Joe can feel her presence. Patch walks up. L'il Joe can smell his presence. LOL. They do quite often have Patch looking a bit grungy.

Did anyne else think it a little odd that Kayla walked into a whole new apartment the other day and never even went around to see all of it? TLT.

I ditto everyone else's suggestion, including Prevuze, that Sami should've told Lucas where to go. Altho, now that I've seen EJicole together I'd say OK, Sami, stick with L'il Lucas so EJ can be with Nicole.

Great Prevuisms and pictures to brighten an extremely gloomy day. Thanks! :D

12:36 PM  

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