Wednesday, December 05, 2007

I'll Teach You To Scream Bloody Murder

Sami walks around the apartment bouncing Ali and asks if she's excited to spend the morning with her daddy. Lucas feeds Johnny. Sami puts Ali into her crib and turns to Lucas, "Did Johnny finish his bottle?"

"Yeah," says Lucas, "The burp cycle is coming up, so watch out for that." Sami stands back as Lucas rips of a monster belch. "Johnny should be ready to burp soon, too," he says.

Sami asks if he's OK with the twins while she runs out for some errands. Lucas gets that snortaific attitude of his, "Depends on what errands." Sami gets snappy and asks if he wants an itinerary. She suggests lunch as Chez Rouge but Lucas declines.

Sami asks, "Lucas, are we OK?"

"I don't know," he growls. Sami starts up again with why she's doing what she's doing. Lucas is sullen. Sometimes he believes she loves him. Sami wants a way to convince him she loves him, "I know in my heart we are forever." Sami leaves. Lucas scowls. EJ peeks, and then wheels himself across the hall once Sami is gone. He knocks. Lucas answers. EJ says he wants to see his son.

Max unboxes booze at the pub. Caroline thanks him for helping. He says he has been replaced at the Cheatin' Heart temporarily. Adrienne got a whopper of a cell phone bill, found out Joey was responsible and is making him work it off. He's still tending bar full time, though, "It sure beats being a racing superstar."

Caroline thinks he's working too hard lately. She wonders when he gets time to sleep. "I'll have plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead," says Max. Caroline thinks that was a terrible thing to say. She pries about his love life. "Mom," he says, "You're the only woman in my life."

Caroline says, "There must be somebody special you've got your eye on."

Stephanie hands Carmen tea. Carmen hopes it isn't spiked, "I couldn't sleep."

Stephanie rationalizes about what they did last night, "Ford was a twisted pig." She flashes back to her night from hell.

Morgan wakes Chelsea and asks if she remembers last night. Chelsea doesn't, so Morgan tells her Ford drugged her. Carmen comes in and says there is a meeting to decide what to do. Morgan leaves Chelsea to sleep. Perchance to dream.

The girls meet out in the main area. They decide they can't leave Ford in the basement without at least installing one of those electric air freshener thingies. "I think I'm going to hurl," says Slone.

"Then you should turn off DOOL," says Morgan.

Carmen wonders if Ford might really be alive down there. "I'll go check," says Stephanie, "Who's going with me?" They don't exactly all volunteer at once.

Sami arrives at Marlena's. She asks how it's going. Marlena says she has good days and not so good days. She says this is a not so good one. Gee, what a coincidence, this is a not so good day for Sami, too, so now we get to listen to them talk about it. Sami says, "I think I made a big mistake juggling Lucas, EJ and the babies. It was a real mess when I dropped all four of them." She tells Marlena about EJ grabbing her and pulling her into the wheelchair, "Lucas was furious when he found us like that. EJ was disgusting. He was acting like a newlywed."

"He is a newlywed," says Marlena. Sami says Lucas knows why she is doing this, "He knows I loathe EJ."

"Are you sure about that," asks Marlena.

Lucas invites EJ in. He lets him hold Johnny. Johnny protests as EJ coos. Lucas asks how EJ felt when he found out his legs were useless. EJ says it was hard to take, but Sami's love helped him get through it.

"I know your legs are useless," says Lucas, "But are you brain dead too?"

"AS a matter of fact, I am," says EJ, "You and I have a lot in common."

Max says, "If I win the lottery and a girl comes with it you'll be the first to know." Caroline asks about Morgan. She doesn't want Max to let the right girl slip by.

Cordy suggests bricking Ford up with Lt. Dan. Stephanie doesn't get any volunteers to go down in the basement and check so she decides to handle the whole thing without them, "I'll take the trash out myself. Just keep it quiet. Our lives depend on it."

The sisters all throw their hands into a pile and vow to take this horrible secret to the grave. The way these hens cluck, they'd better hope they all die young.

Morgan chastises them for letting Stephanie do the dirty work. Stephanie don' need no stinkin' help. They all thank her and leave. Morgan hugs her as she goes, "You're amazing."

Caroline advises Max to find a girl who doesn't need rescuing, "All my sons have the superman syndrome."

Max doesn't think that's true, "First of all, they look ridiculous in tights." His phone rings. He excuses himself and answers.

Stephanie whines, "I'm in big trouble I need your help right now."

Sami admits she feels sorry for EJ. Marlena has a meltdown, "He is pure evil! And you should know I may have to go to prison for trying to kill him." Sami gets it. She figures Marlena was the woman in black.

Marlena says one of the shots was hers, "I remember aiming the gun but John's spirit kept me from killing him."

"I knew John was coming back one way or another," says Sami.

"I'm not sure it was my bullet that hit EJ."

Sami panics, "What if you are the one who shot him?"

Marlena says, "Well then I will go to prison for that for attempted murder."

Sami says, "You won't make it to prison. Stefano will see to that." Marlena says she confessed and she's now waiting for Roman to arrest her. When she thinks of the horror the DiMeras have done she wishes it had been her bullet. She wishes she had killed him.

EJ tells Lucas Sami sealed her love for him with a kiss. Lucas reminds him Sami has lied in the past. STOP THE PRESSES! SAMI HAS LIED IN THE PAST!

Lucas is sarcastic, "I guess I need to throw in the towel."

"Nice try," says EJ, "but you won't make me doubt my own wife."

"I was just congratulating you," says Lucas, "It's time for me to bow out gracefully."

"You seemed concerned when she was on my lap," says EJ.

"No sense in being a sore looser," says the sore loser. EJ thinks Lucas is being insincere. Geez, the guy is sharp.

Lucas thinks Sami will run back to him as soon as Stefano dies. Sami interrupts, "What are you two doing?"

Stephanie answers the door and lets Max in. She tells him Ford was there last night and he attacked Chelsea. Macho Max heads out the door, "I'm going to kick his butt!"

Stephanie says, "He's here. In the basement."

Max is confused, but he's used to that by now, "Is he still drugged?"

"No," says Stephanie, "He's dead."

"This is DOOL," says Max, "I'll wait for him to come back to life and then I'll kick his butt."

Chelsea wakes with a start. She watches as the doorknob wiggles. Have you heard about the new car of the year? The Ford Zombie. For sticks his head in the door, "SURPRISE!" He does his Frankenstein walk over to the bed, "Where did we leave off last night?"

Max thinks she's joking. "This plot may be a joke," says Stephanie, "But I'm serious." She explains what happened, "We came up with a plan to get back at Ford. It had a few flaws." We flashback to Ford's demise.

The Ford Zombie says, "You and I have some unfinished business, little girl. I've been waiting for this for a long time, baby!"

EJ says he was just visiting his son. Sami stashes Johnny over with Ali. EJ heads back to finish his workout.

Sami asks what Lucas was doing. Lucas says he was letting EJ know how lucky he is to have Sami as his bride. Sami says they have to keep playing along and make EJ think she loves him. Lucas puts on a jacket. Sami asks where he is going. "I'm going out for some fresh air," says Lucas, "I don't know if things are right between us. You're playing with fire. Be careful."

Once Lucas leaves, EJ wheels out and stares at Sami's door.

Lucas meets Kate in the pub. Kate's happy to see him. Lucas says it isn't a social visit. He heard she was arrested. Kate claims innocence. Lucas is more concerned about the bullet hole in Sami's dress, "It ruined the dress. Exactly whom did you go there to kill?"

Sami answers her phone. "I need you," says EJ, "I need some help." Sami protests but EJ goes silent. Sami leaves the kids to tend to themselves and rushes to EJ's apartment. EJ's wheelchair is tipped on its side with one wheel spinning for effect. EJ struggles like a turtle on its back.

Stephanie says, "I didn't check this morning, but I know for sure Ford didn't have a pulse. So he's not my kind of guy since I'll take anything with a pulse." Max lectures her for not reporting it. Stephanie defends what they did, "Ford was evil. He raped Cordy and..."

Max cuts her off, "Nearly raped Morgan."

Stephanie struggles, "And... and... and... got away with a hand slap. How many more girls would have been his victims? We never meant to hurt him but I won't spend all the Days Of Our Lives in jail for him."

Sharpie Max adds two and two, "So you need to get rid of the body." Max realizes he has just become the Salem disposal crew.

Stephanie cries, "I didn't know who else to call."

Max checks what's left of his brain at the door and heads down to see if Ford is really dead, "You did the right thing."

Stephanie whines, "I'm scared."

Zombie Ford asks, "Why are you shaking? Doesn't your little Ford motor have you going yet? I'm going to teach you a few lessons. Lesson one – I'll teach you to scream bloody murder."

EJ says he lost his balance. Sami stands his wheelchair up and plays into his hand by telling him he needs a nurse. EJ says, "I don't need a nurse. I need a wife – and one who doesn't spend her time next door with her lover!"

Kate insists her target was EJ. Lucas reminds her of the fake hit. He seethes. Kate says she did it to keep him and Sami safe. Lucas wonders how her fake attack could possibly keep him and his family safe. Kate says she knew if Sami believed the threat was real, she would divorce Lucas and marry EJ and end the vendetta. She says she went to the church because Lucas told her he would forgive her if she stopped the wedding.

"Don't tell me you would kill for me," he orders.

"All I want is for you to be happy and to know I love you," says Kate.

Max says this whole thing reminds him of being trapped in the church with Mimi and Lt. Dan, "Unfortunately, Lt. Dan turned out to be more entertaining than Mimi." A scream interrupts his trip down memory lane. He and Stephanie rush into Chelsea's room.

Chelsea writhes in bed alone and screams, "GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME!" Stephanie runs over and hugs her as Chelsea cries, "He was here. He was here." Max searches for zombies.

EJ pulls himself back up into his wheelchair. He tells Sami he's determined to walk again. As she starts to go he tells her she is the reason he is alive, "I will walk again."

"And be the man you were."

"No," says EJ, "to be the man you need me to be. I will never forget the gift you have given me." The babies cry across the hall. EJ kisses her hand. Sami leaves and runs to the aid of her other two babies.

Kate wants Lucas back in her life. She thinks Lucas needs to do something about EJ. "What do you want me to do," grumbles Lucas, "Release the hand brake on his wheelchair and shove him down the stairs?"

"No," says Kate, "The stairs in Salem are already too crowded with dead people. I have a plan that will end the marriage once and for all. What if we make it look like the threat against the Bradys is continuing? If Sami believes the DiMeras are not honoring the terms, she will be back with you before you know it. What do you think?"

"I think it might work."

"Are you in?"

Lucas takes out his PDA and makes a note to skip disowning Kate this month, "I'm in."

Chelsea blubbers. She swears Ford was there. Max returns. He's been to the basement and Ford is still dead. It's DOOL. Give him time.

"OMG," says Chelsea, "I killed him. What are we gonna do?"

"What do you mean WE, Kemo Sabe," asks Max. Max decides to help. He'll get rid of the body. Once again everyone throws a hand into a pile and they all make a pact to carry this secret to their graves.


You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website.


Blogger Deb said...

Are you SURE these scripts were written BEFORE the writers went on strike?

These plots aren't just boring they're pathetically boring!!

Now we get to spend the next, what 3-4 months with the I-Felta-Thigh girls shucking and jiving and trying to hide the fact that they ACCIDENTALLY murdered Ford Festiva?


And oh wait, yes, here we go, ANOTHER Marlena Meltdown!!!! It's about time, she hasn't been clinically insane for at least 2 years now.

*And now as a public service, I present DOOL reality check:
Assuming that Salem is in IL, there is a law here called Presumptive Paternity. Simply put it means if you are married to a woman who gives birth to a child, even if the child is NOT biologically yours, YOU are considered to be the LEGAL father.

The biological father has NO rights. NADA, ZIPPO, ZILCH.
He has NO right to visitation, custody, nothing!

Even if the mother divorces her hub and hooks up or marries the bio-dad, her ex must pay child support, and STILL retains visitation and custody rights!!!!!

This means when Shawn and Bell took off with Claire, they were kidnapping her. Belle MUST allow Claire to visit Phillip, and he would be paying Belle child support.

EJ could NOT just barge in to see Johnny whenever he wanted. Stefano would not have been able to get a court order of ANY kind.

This has been DOOL Reality Check.
You may now return to your normal insanity.

5:25 AM  
Blogger Prevuze said...

Are you SURE these scripts were written BEFORE the writers went on strike?

These plots aren't just boring they're pathetically boring!!

I'd say that proves the DOOL writers were the authors.

6:00 AM  
Blogger cfish said...

' "What do you want me to do," grumbles Lucas, "Release the hand brake on his wheelchair and shove him down the stairs?"
"No," says Kate, "The stairs in Salem are already too crowded with dead people. '

Thank goodness my tea was still too hot to drink when I got to that one!! That was a definite LOL!!!

6:17 AM  
Anonymous Theresa said...

EJ says, "I don't need a nurse. I need a wife – and one who doesn't spend her time next door with her lover!"

Kenny Rogers and the Fifth Edition jump in!

Its hard to love a man
Whose legs are bent and paralysed

And the wants and the needs of a woman your age Ruby I realize,

But it won't be long i've heard them say until I not around

Oh Ruby
Don't take your love to town

7:08 AM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

Sami asks, "Lucas, are we OK?"

"I don't know," he growls.

I guess it goes to show you that sex on the couch doesn’t fix everything. It might mean that Lucas is just ungrateful or he thinks he was just the recipient of pity sex. There must be a hook in that apartment where Lucas parks his testicles when Sami takes over.

Sami says Lucas knows why she is doing this, "He knows I loathe EJ."

"Are you sure about that," asks Marlena.

What?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That statement came out of the left side of Marlena’s mouth. If Marlena is really so unsure about Sami’s true feelings about EJ, why would she try to kill him? Now coming from the right side of her mouth, Marlena spits out her diatribe about the evilness of EJ. Is it no wonder Sami is screwed up? The writers waffling over the Lucas/EJ conundrum is getting more than tiresome. Please, just figure out who Sami really loves, and let’s move on. I had wanted to see Sami with EJ but she is proving to be such a manipulating scumbag that it’s hard to root for that pairing. I’m beginning to think Sami and Lucas deserve each other because neither one of them are capable of a lasting relationship. Now Lucas is undisowning Kate because she has a plan to get Sami to dump EJ. Whatever!

Max is going to bury Ford’s body in the basement of the sorority house. Geez. I transplanted a large hosta last summer and had a heck of a time digging a big enough hole to replant it. Just how is Max going to handle the excavation to bury Ford? I can bet that none of the sorority princesses will be offering a helping manicured hand.

"I know your legs are useless," says Lucas, "But are you brain dead too?"

"AS a matter of fact, I am," says EJ, "You and I have a lot in common."

Prevuze, that one is worthy of a five star laugh. Have a great day!

7:14 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

"She hasn't been clinically insane for at least 2 years now." Good one, Deb! I LOL over that one, altho I think she's pretty much that way ALL the time.

I'm surprised they haven't had EJ getting the feeling back in his legs but not letting on to Sami yet, etc. As someone else pointed out the other day, this is predictably inevitable.

For the Brat this wouldn't this be manslaughter strike #2?

I loved Lucas skipping the monthly disowning and tending bar being better than a super racecar driver. Yeah, right! HAHAHAHA

Great Prevuze today, thanks!! :D

8:56 AM  
Anonymous Victoria said...

I'm with you Leslie, I wanted Sami and EJ together. Now I hope that Sami goes back to Lucas and EJ hires a great nurse and that they fall in love. That way the Brady/DiMera vendetta can continue and maybe Marlena and Belle could be killed off by Stefano. I'm liking this plot the more I think of it.:)

10:18 AM  
Blogger Brendamouse said...

These SLs need to be resolved. Sami and EJ's marriage sure hasn't solved any V-word that I can see.

What happened to Colleen, really?

The Ford SL: I really thought this SL could go somewhere until the girls did the "everybody put a little bit of the drug in his glass" routine. And the girls being worried about cameras seeing them take Ford's body out, but not worried about the camera seeing Ford go in. Duh? Max as the go to guy?

Unleash Chloe so we can resolve the stupid Phillip-Belle-Shawn go round.

11:07 AM  
Blogger cfish said...

Brendamouse --
I read somewhere that Max dresses in Ford's clothes and walks out of the sorority house so that it will look like Ford left. That's why Ford was all bundled up in hat and scarf -- so Max could impersonate him for the cameras. Now, how they will explain that MAX never left is another question ...

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Max can come back in through a window, put his own clothes back on, and exit through the front door.

12:18 PM  
Anonymous moposh said...

Why is EJ allowing his wife to live in another apartment with her ex? If he believes that she has feelings for him, why hasn't he told her to move in with him. No way would he be able to function on his own anyway.

Let's see, Sami is married and has feelings for her ex. Belle is married and has feelings for her ex.

1:07 PM  
Blogger Brendamouse said...

moposh, Marlena's daughters have to have one on the front burner and one waiting in the wings or things wouldn't feel right.

1:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't post often but I read Prevuze and the comments everyday. I love this site...

I comment is: How long ago was the shooting?? Shouldn't EJ still be in the hospital considering he was shot in the spine? And not home alone to fend for himself (while trying to get Sammi to move accross the hall to be with him). I know, logic but still that was quick!

6:15 AM  
Anonymous moposh said...

EJ definitely should be in hospital and when he does go home, he wouldn't be living by himself. With or without a baby. How can he shower? Get into bed? Get dressed? Get into the apartment (since I don't think the door is wide enough for a wheelchair)? And so on. Things probably aren't at the proper height.

Plus, he seems remarkably chipper for someone who was shot and paralyzed. I know I'd still be depressed.

The Ford death is so stupid!!!! How does Steph know so much about criminal charges? I guess by hanging out with Jerk. Why are they listening to her? It's the blind leading the blind. Well, at least it's wintertime so Ford shouldn't decompose too much.

Why don't they get a trunk and put him in there? Or put him down the garbage disposal?

11:51 AM  

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