Thursday, November 22, 2007

I'll Hang From Your Lips Instead Of The Gallows

Marlena holds up the invitation to Shawn and Belle's wedding, "Dr. Marlena Evans Craig Brady Black North Black and Mr. and Mrs. Beauregard Brady request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their son Shawn Douglas to that little bed-hopping tramp Belle Black. Please join us as our son and the many personalities of his unfaithful bride commit to sharing their lives – until the little slut gets bored and goes running back to her peg-legged hump-buddy."

She looks at a picture of her and John, "Why aren't you here?" Maggie walks in and finds Marlena hyperventilating.

NEWS FLASH! OMB has been rushed to the hospital with stomach pains. Not only was he eating his own rotten chowdah, but he was watching DOOL at the same time. He's in the ICU... Intestinal Chowdah Unit. Bo is with him, and Roman heads for the hospital. Max stands there like a bump on a log as Doug encourages Shawn. He knows OMB will be OK and he knows Shawn has made the right decision by marrying Belle. One out of two ain't bad.

Shawn says, "This is the one thing that I did do right."

Max asks, "You're talking about choosing Belle, right?"

"No," says Shawn, "I'm talking about not eating any more of these tiny hot dog thingies. I don't want to be sick for my wedding."

Belle is waiting for Brady to call. Marlena comes into the hencoop with something new. Unfortunately, it's not a script. Belle comes out in her white dress with gold leaf highlights. Actually it kind of looks like something she ripped off one of the girls at Caesar's Palace. Marlena gives her a necklace – with the purity rings on a chain. Belle shakes as Marlena puts it on her, "They don't mean what they once did. Back then they meant you and Shawn were going to remain pure until you were married. Now it means you'll put up a little resistance before throwing yourself at Phillip." Marlena fastens the clasp, "This is about the commitment that you and Shawn have in your lives now, which is love and fidelity. In other words, you'll have to be very discreet about sleeping around from now on." Belle cries and hugs Marlena. Hope looks like she's going to puke.

Phillip slugs down a few at the bar. The waitress tells him they're closing for a private function. Phillip is already well aware of that.

Maggie gives Belle a bracelet symbolic of the Puerto Rico ruby. Belle's phone rings. She answers, discovers it's Phillip and immediately hangs up as the blood drains from her face.

Kayla straightens Patch's tie. Stephanie says they both look great for geezers. She and Cordy will hang behind while Patch and Kayla go to the wedding. They leave. Stephanie sighs.

Chelsea asks for a second alone with the groom. She says she's happy for the only remaining brother she hasn't whacked. Shawn insists Zack is there because Belle is carrying forget-me-nots to remember both John and Zack. Hugs.

Marlena asks what's wrong with Belle. The show isn't long enough for that answer. Her phone rings again. Belle looks at the caller-ID an announces it's Meems. She asks for a little privacy and they all leave. Once the room empties, Belle tells Phillip, "I'm not doing this!" She hangs up as Hope comes in. Hope excuses herself and says she forgot something.

"That's OK," says Belle, "We're finished."

"So soon," inquiring minds want to know.

"Mimi had things to do."

Hope turns nasty, "You wanna tell me the truth? Who was really on that phone?"

Lucas holds _________. They brush off the fact that Alice isn't there by saying she's in London with Jack and Jen. Doug asks, "Does this little cutie have a name yet?"

"My name is Lucas," he says, "Also, I guess I should make this announcement before her social security kicks in. Her name is Alice Caroline Horton. We'll call her Ali for short. Actually we're going to spell it 'Alley' because growing up in this screwed up family, that's where she'll be trolling for johns in no time."

Sami looks on as Lucas makes this big unilateral announcement. She looks as if she's been hit by a truck, "Lucas?"

Stephanie has decided she and Cordy are going to have a girls' day with makeovers. Cordy don' wan' no stinkin' makeover. Stephanie insists, "Ford will not win."

Sami and Lucas have a nuke-out. Sami can't believe he named Alley without consulting her. Without missing a beat she turns on the afterburners and lectures him for letting Will go to Europe without saying goodbye. As she huffs off she turns and says, "This is not the time or place... For the record, I love the name. It sounds so familiar somehow."

Belle insists it was Mimi on the phone. Hope lets it go. She hugs Belle and says she will see her downstairs. Belle contemplates.

Patch gives Shawn a watch from Victor. Shawn reads the note, which says the watch is a token of Victor's best wishes, "In spite of our past differences." The note says Victor hopes Shawn will wear it at his wedding. Patch thinks it's an olive branch. Shawn puts it on as Julie buzzes through the crowd. She tells Marlena she is needed upstairs.

Billie interrupts Phillip's bender. She knows he's still in love with Belle, "That's got to be driving you crazy."

"Completely crazy," says Phillip, "I'm going by the theory that opposites do not attract. She won't go through with it. She'll be thinking of me when she walks down the aisle, not Shawn."

Billie asks, "Why would Shawn be thinking of you? And you know this... how?"

The bridesmaids march in. Sami. Chelsea with Claire. Oohs and aahs. Shawn exhales deeply as Belle comes down the stairs. She sees him wearing "Victor's" watch and remembers Phillip taking it off during monkey-sex. Belle nearly faints.

Phillip says, "I sent a little reminder to Belle." Billie says he sounds more and more like Victor every day.

Belle's mind swirls. That's a feat in and of itself since it's difficult to get circulation in a vacuum. Marlena whispers that John is right there with them. Belle sucks it up and staggers down the aisle. Shawn sucks it up and prepares for his doom. The show itself just plain sucks.

Belle gets to the front of the room and takes out a megaphone, "I see you're wearing a new watch." The ceremony begins. Belle bawls.

Stephanie and Cordy sample cosmetics. "What do you think," says Stephanie, "Too goth?"

"Too goth," says Cordy. The gothfest is interrupted by a knock at the door.

PrevuzeStephanie looks through the peephole. Who else – Ford, "Open the door bitch, or I will huff and puff and blow it down! "

Shawn gives his vows. He can't believe they are finally at the altar together. His love for her has never changed. He can't imagine life without her. He gives her the ring in token and pledge of his abiding love.

Belle retaliates. She remembers the purity rings, which have since gone bad. They are a symbol of the love that will again be pure.

"Our love has always been pure," says Shawn. Purity is in a slump these days.

Belle zones in on the watch, "STOP! I CAN'T DO THIS!"

The audience gasps. Shawn works his jaw. Belle repeats, "I'm so sorry. I can't do this!"

Shawn asks, "Belle, what is it?"

"I can't do this," says Belle. Hours pass. Alice Caroline enters first grade... "I can't do this if you keep interrupting," says Belle, "I had it memorized."

"Just say what's in your heart," says Shawn, "Your heart works a whole lot better than your mind."

Belle cries and tells him she loves him and thanks God he didn't give up on them. She knows John would be happy if he were there today because he'd be pawning the little twit off on someone else, "I promise to be a good wife and be faithful for all the Days Of Our Lives, or until I get hot for Phillip, whichever comes first."

Father Kelly says, "I now pronounce you cuckold and wife."

The crowd applauds as they kiss.

Phillip says, "The wedding should be over – one way or another." He can't let it go because he knows Belle still loves him. He's going to fight for Belle instead of remaining single and lonely like his sister the Old Maid.

Ford rages. Stephanie calls security. He says if she keeps posting those flyers she will be sorry.

We pan in on a four-inch stiletto heel with a pearl band. Cinema crapité kicks in as we bob and weave and follow the foot as it walks into an indistinct room. Opera plays in the background, as Stefano tends to little Johnny D. He turns and smiles, "What took you so long?" Marlena tosses her coat onto a chair.

Stefano feels as though he's looking at a vision. Marlena reminds him it was Belle's wedding today. He asks why she has come. Marlena is silent. She finally says she would like him to give Sami her freedom. He insists Sami is head over heels in love.

Billie lectures Phillip for deriding her single-ness, "I'm single, sexy and fabulous and being single does not make me miserable. I'm miserable for other reasons. I could use a little romance but it will happen. Until then I'll settle for picking up anything in pants at the Cheatin' Heart."

Lucas comes into the pub and announces that Shawn and Belle are hitched. Phillip books. He gives Billie a parting shot, "When the time it right, it’ll happen."

Lucas wonders what that was all about. Billie brushes it off and leaves. The party hits the pub. Maggie goes to check on dinner and declares the bar open.

Stephanie calls Kayla and says she has to talk but doesn't want Patch to know about it.

Outside, Shawn and Belle prepare for their big entrance. Smooches. The audience is amazed the marriage has lasted this long. Oops. Spoke too soon. Trouble in paradise. Belle can't stand to have Shawn wearing the demon watch. She yanks it off of him, "I don't want to know what time it is today. I don't want it to end."

The couple walks in to cheers from the already half-drunk crowd. Sami gives Lucas a look that would kill.

Marlena insists Sami loves Lucas. Stefano says he heard her declare her love for EJ. Marlena has come to beg for Sami's freedom, "If you ever cared about me you will do it for me."

Stefano says she meant the world to him. He will do it for a price. Marlena asks what that price might be. "The same thing I've always wanted," says Stefano, "Queen Of The Night."

"But Rock Hudson is dead," says Marlena, "This was your plan all along, wasn't it?"

Stefano denies it, "But now that you have come to me... what did you think I was going to do? I loved and wanted you and the thought... the possibility... after I had given up hope... it's impossible not to make the dream a reality finally."

"I didn't say yes," says Marlena.

"True," he agrees, "It is your decision. What is more important – your love for your daughter or your hatred for me?" Marlena reaches out. Stefano takes her hand. Stare, stare, stare. See the pair stare. Stare, pair, stare.

Doug announces that OMB is fine. It was just indigestion. They pumped his stomach and the chowdah will be recycled. He toasts Shawn and Belle, "Their wedding reminds us all that with the tragedy of the past year we have experienced miracles. The biggest miracle – this show is still on the air. Lost loves were reunited." Abe kisses Lexie on cue. "There are two new members in the family, and Patch is back." Patch smiles like a dork on cue. "One very special person was lost. He is here in spirit. We miss him and will until he comes back. I'm speaking, of course, of... Bart."

We move into a full-blown music video with "I'll Be" playing in the background, "I'll hang from your lips instead of the gallows." They just don't make lyrics like that any more. Thank God.

Kayla comforts Cordy and Stephanie.

Lucas extends a hand to Sami. They dance. Lucas plays with her necklace instead of using it to choke her.

Stefano says Marlena brought him joy as his queen. Marlena gets close, "Your queen is what you've made me and you've also made me your killer. Deep inside that instinct still lives. It's a darkness you've put in my soul and when it comes out it will come out with a vengeance. A vengeance." She smiles and leaves.

Stefano seethes, "You witch!" Outside Marlena turns and looks at the door. Stefano rages, "I'm not finished with you Marlena! I'm not finished!" He breaks a baton and huffs.

Sami's says it's nice spending time with Lucas. She wonders what they do tomorrow. "It's not up to me," says Lucas. He kisses her and leaves so he can pout in peace.

Patch sits down with the happy couple. Smooches. He congratulates them, "We still owe you one," says Shawn, "You helped us escape to Canada."

"And the rest is history," says Belle.

"So will this marriage be if you keep Philling around," says Patch.

Hope is on the phone with Bo. She asks him to tell his dad hello and says she's glad he's better. She hangs up and sees Belle's cell phone. The evil mother-in-law picks it up and opens it, "You were hiding something Belle – what is it?" Hope sees there is one message, "I can't do this!"

Hope contemplates, "Yes I can! For my son!" The busybody plays the message.

Phillip speaks, "I need to talk to you before it's too late. You cannot marry Shawn! I'm the one you're in love with. I knew that in Tulsa and when we had monkey-sex at the pub. You can't let me go and never will!" Hope closes the phone.

"I'll hang from your lips instead of the gallows." I'm just stunned. Even DOOL writers can't come up with crapola like that.


You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website.


Blogger Michelle said...

I am thankful for PREVUZE! Thanks for making me laugh each day!

Happy Thanksgiving to Prevuze and to all you Prevuze followers out there!

5:41 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Classic Prevuze!! Better than classic. I laughed all the way through it. I started to note all the great Prevuisms and stopped after the first paragraph.....there were just too many of them.

By the time I got to this one -

"The same thing I've always wanted," says Stefano, "Queen Of The Night."

"But Rock Hudson is dead," says Marlena.

I had tears rolling down my cheeks.

And I'll never think of "ICU" the same way again.

I'm thankful for many things today - Prevuze, my family, my friends, and the fact that I was done with breakfast by the time I got to the "recycled chowdah" image.

Happy Thanksgiving y'all!

6:16 AM  
Blogger Deb said...


I hereby declare this day, DOOL DAY!

Because DOOL is (wait for it)


6:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG! That wedding invite is hilarious. ROFL!!

6:48 AM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

This was one of the best Prevuzes yet. I totally LOL thru the whole thing.

Didn't it ever occur to that ninny Belle to leave her cell phone elsewhere or how about turning it OFF? Duh!! No matter, if Applecheeks' wedding dress theory is correct this marriage won't last since we saw Belle in the God-awful dress before she walked down the aisle.

With Marlena inexplicably leaving her daughter's wedding reception to go over and taunt Stefano it seems more and more like a Marlena/Squints he's-really-not-dead plot thing to me.

Thanks, Prevuze! I will be laughing over the fantastic Prevuisms this whole day. HAHAHAHA

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

7:02 AM  
Anonymous Ellie said...

"Thanks" for a great Prevuze today and every day! Love baby Alley and her name sounding familiar somehow. And the crowd at the reception being surprised the marriage lasted that long.

I actually don't mind the cinema crapité stuff... about time they did some creative directing after 40 years.

You missed a Marlena last name.. anyone know what it is? :)

7:11 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

Ellie - was it "North" before Don Craig since Doc supposedly was married to him in med school? So it would be Marlena Evans North Craig Brady Black North Black?

7:51 AM  
Anonymous Ellie said...

Applecheeks - many Marlena fans like to pretend that never happened, lol, but even if we include that, there is still one more. :)

8:07 AM  
Anonymous Ellie said...

To clarify - we don't like the first "North" because the event was inserted into history thirty years later. But yes, even with that, there is one more... :)

8:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In regards to Marlena's last names, are you referring to 'Bradford'?

9:39 AM  
Anonymous Ellie said...

You win, anonymous! Bradford. Marlena discovered she was pregnant in 1984 while Roman was faking his death. Eugene said the baby (they didn't know it was twins yet) was his and married her to cover up. A very funny storyline.

Marlena Evans (North) Craig Brady Bradford Brady Black North Black. :)

10:03 AM  
Blogger chaya said...

Gotta agree with applecheeks - the Rock Hudson line was one of your best ever!

Happy thanksgiving

10:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Marlena discovered she was pregnant in 1984 while Roman was faking his death."

You mean ... Daze already had a story where Marlena's husband faked his death? Ooooo, deja vu.

7:58 PM  
Anonymous moposh said...

I don't like that name for the baby. But at least she's finally named. Why didn't Sami put a name down before she left the hospital? Then she could have named the kid not Lucass.

5:51 AM  

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