No Brain, No Pain
"We're putting Ford Decker on notice," says Chelsea.
"You'd be better off putting your attorney on retainer," says Adrienne.
Chelsea suggests an Internet site. Adrienne tells them they can put posters up in the bar. The girls sit down and discuss their strategy. They decide the mall is next. They encourage Cordy as Adrienne brings drinks. Chelsea toasts taking their lives back as Cordy leaves to put posters up in the women's room.
Chelsea toasts, "Here's to Ford Decker. May he go down in flames." Ford stands at the door and looks in.
Stephanie stammers and asks Patch when he got home. As they hug each other, Stephanie passes the pregnancy test to Kayla behind his back. Stephanie tells him she's there cramming for a biology exam.
"I used to be pretty good at biology," says Patch, "Until I shot up the class*."
|*We have received notification that instead of saying:|
"I used to be pretty good at biology," says Patch, "Until I shot up the class."
This should have read:
"I used to be pretty good at biology," says Patch, "when I showed up at class."
"Showed up," "shot up," hey, it's Patch.
I figured there was something from his past I had forgotten about and, given the nature of the character, it made perfect sense. Think of it as a Prevuzism.
Hope says, "One out of two ain't bad."
"Belle and I finally made it to the finish line," says Shawn.
"And Belle's trying to score the Daily Double," says Hope.
Phillip is on the phone barking tough tycoon talk. Belle walks in. She says she's not sure this is a good idea. Phillip thinks it is. He tells her to stay, "I'm glad you came." He kisses her. Phillip's phone rings and he takes the call, honking more orders. Belle contemplates.
Stephanie says she doesn't want to think about exams. She asks to talk to Kayla alone. Patch gets the hint. He heads for Blakely's for hot chocolate. He says he'll take his time. As he leaves, Kayla whispers, "Thank you."
As Kayla looks at the test, Stephanie whines, "I just can't tell him. Am I pregnant?"
"No," says Kayla, "It's negative." Big sigh and hugs. Stephanie is so glad Kayla was there. She promises to be careful from now on.
"Don't put yourself in this position," says Kayla as she hauls out the STD lecture, "And you should get an HIV test."
Billie finds the girls at the Cheatin' Heart. She looks at the posters and tells them not to back Ford into a corner. She says Jett and she have put security cameras all over campus. Cordy comes back. Billie goes on to say she has stepped up patrols, but declines to help putting up the posters. Morgan and Carmen leave to put on some lively music. Billie tells Chelsea this isn't a game. She doesn't want Chelsea to get hurt. Chelsea assures her they are being careful. Billie wants her to move back in with her until Decker is caught and behind bars.
Hope brings Shawn pretzels, "Tonight I wait on you but tomorrow it's Belle's turn."
Shawn didn't know about this thing about the wife waiting on the husband, "Do you wait on Dad?" Hope drags him into the bathroom and washes his mouth out with soap.
Shawn decides to order pizza. Hope asks, "Are you ready for marriage."
"I'm more ready for pizza," says Shawn. Hope rolls out the 'hard times' lecture.
Phillip gets on the intercom and asks Donna to hold his calls. Belle tells Phillip about Hope telling Kayla, who probably told Patch, who... one thing led to another and the next thing they knew there was a billboard out on route 70 announcing it... Phillip chuckles and says Hope blabbing was predictable. Belle decides she can't get married tomorrow. She wonders how she could ever face the people.
"You have to do what feels right," snorts Phillip, "Now... I have work to do."
Bo walks in with the tuxedos. Shawn will spend the night with his parents and Belle is staying with Marlena. They chuckle about Hope dragging out the pictures of Shawn in diapers. Hope sends Shawn upstairs to try on his tux.
Bo thinks Shawn seems happy. "I hope it lasts," says Hope, "I let it slip and told Belle I had told Kayla about her and Phillip."
Bo says, "This is Shawn and Belle's commitment. We should butt out."
Hope grabs a dictionary and looks it up, "Hmmmm... I don't find 'butt out' in here, so I guess we can't do it."
Belle walks over as Phillip talks on the phone. She sticks out her hand and hangs up. Phillip asks what she is doing.
"DON'T IGNORE ME," yells the princess.
"Look," says Phillip, "I'm not your 'guy friend.'" Belle thinks it was a mistake to come there. "Coming here is never a mistake," He says.
Stephanie says she got an HIV test. It was negative, but they will repeat it in six months. Stephanie wonders how Kayla can be so calm about all this. "We all make mistakes," says Kayla, "I was your age once and I made them. Just not as many. And my big mistake was having a kid." Kayla says she will go with her for the next test. Stephanie frets that the first test might have been wrong. Kayla tries to reassure her.
"I'm so proud of you," says Kayla.
"Pride," says Stephanie, "That's one of the seven deadly sins, isn't it? Anyway, I don't think you have anything to be proud of. I came running here like a scared little kid."
"You're an adult," says Kayla, "Adults face their mistakes and you faced this like a grown slut."
Billie wonders what Chelsea expects to accomplish. "Maybe Ford will pack up and slither into the night."
"To what," asks Billie, "the girls at the next college? He hasn't been convicted of anything. He can go wherever he wants."
Ford barges into the bar and storms over to Chelsea. He sticks a wadded up handful of posters into her face, "What do you think you're doing, bitch?" Billie tries to referee as a group of sisters surrounds Ford and Chelsea. Ford looks up and says, "WOW! A whole coven of witches. You're going to find libel suits are expensive." Billie tells him to get out. He reminds her it's a public bar and he's innocent, "These chicks are desperate. All I did was turn them down. Call off your dogs or you'll be sorry. I can handle trouble." He turns, "How about you, Chelsea?"
Stephanie tells Kayla she got a message from Chelsea at the Cheatin' Heart. She says she's going over there. Kayla suggests bringing Cordy home for the holiday, "Is that guy still on campus?"
"Yeah," says Stephanie, "And he's claiming he's a victim."
Patch comes back. Stephanie tells him she's headed for the Heart and leaves.
Patch asks, "What's up? Why did you lie to me about the pregnancy test?"
Bo and Hope discuss Belle. Hope thinks she probably shouldn't have said anything. Bo asks if she will hold it against Belle.
Hope waffles, "Yes... I don't know... Will you? Oh, God!"
Belle thinks maybe she should tell Shawn. Phillip thinks that's a bad idea. "You are my only friend," says Belle, "But this isn't right."
Phillip says, "You're not ashamed of making love with me. You're ashamed because you can't stop thinking about it the night before you marry Shawn."
Belle claims that's not true. Phillip doesn't want her to insult him by saying he's a 'friend.' He thought she was coming there to tell him the wedding was off. He thinks marrying Shawn is a huge mistake. Belle turns sarcastic, "Well, thanks for the support."
"Stop acting like a brat," scolds Phillip, "You want Shawn and you want me waiting in the wings. I'm not playing safety for Shawn. Not even for you."
Bo and Hope go over well-trodden ground. "I hope Phillip doesn't ruin the wedding," she says.
"Shawn says Phillip can't ruin anything," says Bo.
Kayla backpedals and says Stephanie's pregnancy test was negative. Patch growls, "Was it Jeremy?"
The evening wears on as Patch continues to go through a list of every bum in town. Finally Kayla tells him she doesn't know who it was, "It was a one night stand."
Patch goes through the ceiling, "WITHOUT PROTECTION?" When the dust settles from the explosion, he grabs his cell phone to call his darling little tramp.
Kayla stops him, "If you tell her you know, she will never trust me again."
Ford says he will leave when the girls do. Threats and confusion reign. Chelsea winds up and gives him a right cross that would send Evander Holyfield to the floor. Ford crashes against the bar and turns around. Blood spews from his nose like the Bellagio water show. Ford looks at Chelsea and screams, "You're going to regret that!"
Billie stands there with a baseball bat to make to make sure she won't regret that right now. Stephanie comes into the bar in time to see the show. "I was assaulted," screams Ford, "You all saw it."
Adrienne says, "Gee. I didn't see a thing."
"Me either," says Carmen.
Everyone in the crowd mumbles, "I didn't see anything."
"Looks like you have a credibility problem, son," says Adrienne.
"This isn't over," yells Ford.
It's over for tonight," says Billie.
On his way out, Ford bumps into Stephanie, "Well, if it isn't the campus slut. Call me."
Kayla comes out and asks if Patch is talking to her. "Who said I wasn't talking," asks Patch. She asks if he would really want Stephanie to come to him with this kind of thing. Patch just wants her to know he can help if she needs it, "Who did this?"
Kayla tries to calm him down, "Beating him up wouldn't help."
"It would help me," growls Patch.
"Girls are complicated," says Kayla.
"NOOOOO," says Patch, "I'd have never guessed." Kayla says the important thing is Stephanie feels safe there. "Because of you," he says.
"Because of us." Smooches.
Shawn wants to know why Bo and Hope were talking about Phillip. He doesn't know if he's coming to the wedding, but insists he and Belle are through with him.
Belle vows this is the last time she will come to Phillip like this. "Go ahead and get married," says Phillip, "Leave me out of it. You're kidding yourself if you think we are over. You couldn't walk out that door if you had to." Closer... closer...
Bo decides to call and "uninvite" Phillip, "Consider it a wedding present to you and Belle."
Phillip moves in, "Every night you lie with him you'll wish it was me. When you close your eyes, you'll see my face."
"Don't do it to yourself, or to Shawn."
Belle protests, "I've loved Shawn for years."
"Not like this," says Phillip. He mauls her. Belle sprains her jaw opening her mouth.
Shawn tells Bo it's his job to draw the line with Phillip. "If Phillip shows up, there is nothing like a good Irish brawl to make a wedding," says Bo.
"I can handle this," says Shawn.
Phillip handles Belle.
Billie tends to Chelsea's crushed and swollen hand. Chelsea winces in pain and says, "I don't know how guys do this."
"No brain, no pain," says Billie.
Billie tells Morgan to stop the campaign against Ford, "I'll put someone on him, but can't make any promises."
Patch smooches as they talk about Stephanie. Kayla asks about the pregnancy, "If it were mine and if it was positive, would you be happy about it?"
"I would be happy," says Patch.
Kayla presses, "But would your choice be to have another child?"
"I would do it if we were both 100% into it," says Patch.
Kayla won't give up, "So, where are you on this, 50-50?"
Patch asks, "Are we talking bout a horse race? I am 100% sure we should practice a lot. Just in case." Patch moves into a practice session.
Cordy wishes she could be strong like the rest of them. Stephanie invites her home for the holiday. Cordy resists but Stephanie talks her into it. She turns to Chelsea, "You can't stop this campaign against Ford now." Then she flashes back to her night of terror, "The next girl may not be as lucky."
Speaking of getting lucky, Phillip and Belle romp at Titan. As things get hot and heavy the secretary calls in and tells Phillip he has a call from Shawn. Phillip fires her immediately. He takes the call. Shawn tells him not to come tomorrow, "No gift or card."
"Aw, man," says Phillip, "And I was going to give you a sports car... but I was going to test drive it first."
Shawn threatens, "If you feel like trying something, my family will be ready."
"Good luck tomorrow," says Phillip as he hangs up. He turns, but Belle is gone. He runs out. No Belle. Phillip buttons up and stares.
You can watch the previews later today on our PREVUZE II website.