Saturday, October 13, 2007

Johnny, We Hardly Knew Ye

John Black. How do we remember John? John and his idiosyncrasies. John and his frustrations. John and his drug addiction. John and his superspy persona which falls just short while at the same time being over the top. John – how will we miss thee? Let us count the ways...

Kate has to decide whether or not to give John the Junkie the drugs he wants. John goes upstairs to take a shower while Kate makes the decision. Kate agonizes, “This is horrible. This is my payback for breaking up Sami and Lucas.” She clutches the Pills, "This is one problem I can’t blame on Sami Brady."

She picks up the bag-o-pills. “I have to risk John’s life to save Phillip’s.”

The spiritually-challenged Kate prays to Roman, “Please Roman, I can’t make this decision on my own. I need to know what you would do.” Kate gathers her things and leaves.

John comes down, clean-shaven and ready for drugs, “What’s it gonna be Katherine?” No one there, “Kate? KATE? NO! NO! NO!” He smashes a vase with his cane and falls in pain.

Rodney: Oh, my, that was dreadful. Rodney McCollum, here, reporting from the Shards of Glass course in John Black’s living room. I simply don’t believe John got the performance out of that swing that he expected. For a complete analysis and replay, I will turn to my colleague, Johnny Miller.

Johnny: Thank you, Rodney. As we look at this replay, notice at just the moment of impact, John moves his head down a bit, which causes him to hit the vase a bit fat. This, of course, means John did not completely get the distance or the shattering effect he had hoped for. And, as we play it again, notice there is almost no left hand involved in the swing. This means he just didn’t get the follow through he was looking for. In spite of all that, though, his brute strength saved the day and he at least got a decent explosion, which I believe had the dramatic effect he was looking for.

Rodney: Thank you, Johnny. You are correct. He did hit the vase very hard, which makes me wonder if the allegations are true. In order to get that kind of performance out of such an awkward swing, one has to ask if there are steroids or, Dear God, worse drugs involved.

Johnny: I certainly wouldn’t want to speculate on that. About all we can say is that glazed look in John’s eyes is now scattered all over his living room. Perhaps the best he can do now is pick up the pieces and move on to his next tantrum.

* * * * *
John, who so long ago provided the fodder for what we believe to be our first crude "Separated at Birth" picture...

And, well, we have literally dozens of pictures of John. There are just too many to show nearly all of them, but here is our little tribute to John Black...

Have a great weekend, folks. Let's dedicate it to John's memory.


Blogger Mimi said...

That was so funny. When I saw the title I was just surprised.

4:35 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

An Ode to Squint

We first called him Roman, but then we were wrong.
Then he was Forrest, they said, all along.
Stefano programed him to be his pawn.
But most of the time he just made us yawn.

His sexual urges were always in heat.
He'd hook up with any old woman he'd meet.

Marlena he said was the love of his life.
Espcially when she was someone elses wife.

Doc and Ol' Squint; Ah the memories shared.
Like two dogs in heat you were such a pair.

Thank God for TiVo, without it we'd retch.
Watching the two of you have geezer sex.

We remember so fondly your "Super-spy" days.
Guess they let anyone join the ISA.

You died and came back, and changed who you were.
We wished for a scorecard sometimes to be sure.

Johnny dear Johnny we remember ye well.
And hope you end up in the strip club in hell.

4:35 AM  
Anonymous Howard said...

Again I commend you and laugh with your remarks. Juhn will not die, first of all, NOBODY dies for long on DOOL, and Secondly, he has a three year contract. They are NOT going to pay him to be dead. That leaves, "Who was driving the car?" Any one of a thousand DOOL watchers. (there HAS to be something besides Lucas rantings.) If Lucas had been ran over by that car, NOBODY would be morning it.

6:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

re: Marlena who?...

I quite enjoyed how much Kate figured into your John tribute! :D

10:37 AM  
Blogger Applecheeks said...

John's "death" won't be all bad. It is providing a goldmine of Prevuisms and pictures. It has prompted a great contribution to the arts with Deb's "Ode to Squint".

Finally, as Howard points out, you KNOW he isn't really gone and we can expect him to pop up the next time Marlena is on the brink of marrying someone else. HAHAHA

Johnny, every time someone employs the STF acting technique we'll give a silent salute (or noisy rasberry) to you.

12:45 PM  
Anonymous Bulldog said...

What a great tribute! Of all the DOOL characters I think Squints might've inspired the most pictures (with Lucas being a close second?)

Thanks, Prevuze, for the memories. :D

2:00 PM  
Anonymous Ellie said...

Howard, you're wrong about the contract. His contract is up this December/January and according the article in SOD, the show is not renewing it.

5:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great poem Deb!

7:09 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

LOVE the moving picture! Thanks for the tribute!

6:14 AM  
Blogger Dazed said...

Alright, alright...I admit it. I was driving the car. John will be ok though, the botox in his forehead protected his brain.
"Better living through chemistry

11:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the tribute. You guys do a great job.

6:08 PM  

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